Anywhere But Here
by SparklingTwilight
Summary: J/B & E/A are living on the streets of Seattle. What happens when their paths cross one day? Will they rise up against the odds, or hit rock bottom? Drugs, drinking, excessive obscene language, and mature adult content. OOC. Canon Cpls. Rated M.
1. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

BPOV

Breathing in the scent of old vomit and mildew I rolled over on the foul excuse for a bed, intending to snuggle up next to the warm body beside me. Instead, I found the other side of the bed had long since gone cold. I opened my eyes to search out the person who was supposed to have been beside me, the person who was _always _beside me when I woke up.

My eyes quickly swept across the room, taking in the scene of urban decay surrounding me. The bits and shards of broken glass scattered across the once linoleum covered concrete floor, glass that had once functioned as barriers against the sounds and elements of the world beyond the windows they'd formed once upon a time. The rotted and fallen wooden beams that had once provided structural support were now only useful for forming small and carefully contained fires for warmth within the building on frigidly cold nights when the bitter air blew right through the glassless window frames. The rusted metal foundation beams showing through gaping holes in the ceiling where the tiles had decayed and fallen, shattering upon the floor. And finally, the massive amounts of trash strewn about the direful landscape, most of which had been left behind by transients much like myself.

I could see the all the signs of life that had once passed through where I lay, but could find not a single sign of the one thing I was looking for, the one person I wished to see.

_I'm alone. Jasper _never_ leaves me alone when I'm asleep._

I quickly grabbed the tattered blanket that had been tangled around my feet and wrapped it tightly around myself before scrambling into the corner, cowering against the wall and fearing the worst.

When I brought my hands up to rub the sleep out of my eyes, I felt the wetness of the tears I'd shed during the night on my cheeks. The nightmares I suffered at night had become such a common occurrence over the years that I'd become accustomed to them and rarely remembered them anymore when I awoke. Well...most of them at least. Where at one time they had all caused me to wake with tears in my eyes and screams of terror trapped within my throat...there was only one left that would cause me to wake in such a state.

It wasn't the one where he cornered me in the bathroom, or the one where he woke me in the middle of the night as he stumbled up the stairs a little too drunk and way too pissed off, nor was it even the one where he damns the day I was born before pushing me down a flight of stairs. While all of those were terrifying and felt just as real as the day I'd experienced them firsthand, they couldn't even come close to the only one that continued to haunt me...the one where I actually feared he'd finally kill me.

The peace and serenity one can find in the forest just simply cannot be found when darkness takes over and casts chillingly eerie shadows between the trees, turning your one pursuant into thousands as you race past them. It makes your heart race and threaten to explode from your chest as you try to fight the temptation to look behind you and keep going — only to be caught and scream as the person who terrifies you the most in life grins menacingly at you and his sharp blows turn your screams of fright to bloodcurdling wails of pain.

"Bella? Bella, what's wrong?" Jasper called out as he came running in from across the building. I didn't realize that I'd been crying so hysterically until he had me wrapped up in his arms trying to calm me down. "Darlin' it's okay. Shhh, I'm right here. I didn't go anywhere," he reassured, tucking my head under his chin as he rocked us back and forth.

All it took was his soothing voice and gentle touch to make the demons that plagued me retreat back into the shadows of my unconscious.

"Jas, where were you?" I asked once I had calmed down enough to speak.

"I went to take a piss. I didn't mean for you to wake up alone darlin'," he answered, his voice laced with remorse. "Bad dreams again?"

"Yeah," I replied softly. Jasper knew full well all that my dreams entailed. He'd told me time and time again that he wouldn't let anything happen to me, yet morning after morning he was left trying to pick up the pieces after the nightmares had done their damage.

"I'm sorry doll face. I wish I could make them go away," he sighed, squeezing me tight before slowly letting go.

My eyes followed him as he stood up and walked over to one of the rusted broken down beams where his duffle bag was hidden. After tugging his ratty sweatshirt over his head, he grabbed something from inside his bag and tossed it towards me. I uncurled my hands from inside the blanket to grab what turned out to be a cold pack of pop tarts.

"It's not the breakfast of champions, but it's all I've got. Make sure you eat all of it, you're too thin as it is," he said sternly when I didn't immediately make a move to open the package.

"I'm going to go out for a bit," Jasper announced once he saw I had taken a bite. "You should be safe here, just stay in this part of the building. I don't want you wandering off because some of the flooring in this place isn't so great anymore, and I don't wanna have to worry bout you hurting yourself."

"Okay," I grumbled, unhappy to be left there all alone for who knows how long but knowing there was no point in fighting him on it.

"It's nothing your pretty little face needs to worry about," he scolded when he saw the disgruntled frown etched across my face. "You stay here, eat, and keep safe. I'll be back before you know it," he said leaving a reassuring kiss on my forehead before walking out the door.

Jasper had always made a point to shield me from the bitter reality of our lives, never wanting me to have to worry about what exactly he had to do in order to provide for our meager existence. He never came back with much, but it was always enough to get us from one day to the next. Out of respect I never badgered him as to what exactly he'd done while he was out, knowing that there were only so many odd jobs a person could come across before having to resort to more illicit activities. Jasper was a good man, but like any other person in our situation would, he did what he had to do in order to keep us sheltered, fed, and safe from harm. As much as I hated to be left alone during those times, I understood his need to keep me safe from the ugliness of our world.

I laid out the remainder of my pop tart across the unfolded tin foil packaging and proceeded to pick at it, only forcing myself to take bites because Jasper had asked me to.

I never knew what to expect when Jasper would return. Some days he came back with a pocket full of small bills while others he had a random selection of bagged snacks or maybe even some canned goods we could pry open with the Swiss army knife he kept in his bag. It wasn't often we actually had a warm meal, and as much as it disgusted me to admit, I was eternally grateful when those days did come around.

I never wanted him to have to swindle, cheat, and steal in order for us to survive. In fact I hated that Jasper got dealt the crappy hand that he did, but I knew that he'd do it all a thousand times over again because he did it for me.

"_It's my job to make sure you're fed. Once upon a time you did it for me. Now it's my turn to return the favor."_

He was right. I had done it for him.

Eight years ago we were just two little kids looking out for each other.

_It was the first warm day of the spring, and the teachers were letting us eat lunch outside at the picnic tables. I sat down with my lunch box and pulled out my cheese sandwich and favorite book. _

_As I was flipping through the pages, a boy with blonde hair that I didn't recognize from my class sat down across from me. He didn't say anything so I kept reading. Once I finished my sandwich, I reached into my lunchbox for my snack cake only to find the boy looking at it. His eyebrows were wrinkled together, and his mouth was curved into a frown. I unfolded the wrapper to take a bite but noticed his eyes were still zoned in on the treat in my hand. I tucked it back in the wrapper and held it out to him. _

"_Here. I don't want it," I said wrinkling my nose. I did want it, but I think he wanted it more. He smiled and took it from me wordlessly._

_The next day after my mom finished packing my lunch I snuck into the kitchen to grab a second snack cake just in case. That day at lunch we didn't get to sit outside, but when I walked into the lunch room, I saw the boy sitting by himself at a table near the back. I sat down across from him, just like he had done the day before. He looked up when I started pulling my things out but quickly looked back down at the table when he noticed my eyes on him. I pulled out the extra treat and slid it across the table to him. _

"_Thanks," he mumbled, barely looking up at me. I smiled in return._

_We continued on like this for a couple of weeks. I would always take an extra snack from the cabinet from home when no one was looking to give to him. He'd thank me, and I'd smile. I think he brought his own lunch maybe twice the entire time. On those days he gave me some of his soda._

The first day he actually talked to me was the day he gave himself the title of my protector.

"_What's this for?" he asked when I handed him half of my sandwich instead of the usual Twinkie or swirly cake. _

"_My mom said no more sweets. She says I've been eating too much sugar lately," I explained giggling quietly._

"_You can share my sandwich and apple though…I like sharing with you," I admitted with a small voice. _

"_I like sharing with you too. I'm Jasper," he said smiling as he moved to sit next to me._

"_I'm Bella," I replied smiling wide. "Want to be friends?" _

_Before he got the chance to reply, Thomas Duncan walked by and knocked his tray over, spilling his juice all over my dress and book. _

"_Look what you made me do, stupid!" he yelled at me. Thomas was the class bully. He was actually a year younger than me, but he weighed more than most of the kids in my class and was always taking things from people and calling them names._

"_I'm sorry," I whispered, hoping he wouldn't pull my hair like he'd done to Angie the week before. She had been sent home early because she couldn't stop crying. _

"_Don't say sorry," Jasper interjected as he attempted to help me dry my stuff. "It's his fault. If he wasn't so big he'd fit through the aisle without bumping into everything." _

"_Oh, look, Isabella has a boyfriend. I bet she kisses him and everything," Thomas teased making kissy lips at me._

"_I do not!" I exclaimed, my cheeks turning red._

"_Leave her alone," Jasper warned looking at Thomas. The boy just stood there grinning all toothy with his chubby dimpled cheeks. _

"_Or what? You'll give me your girl germs from your girlfriend?" _

"_Grow up. Girls don't have germs. Go away!" Jasper yelled, standing up from the table. Thomas realized how much taller Jasper was than him so instead of fighting back he just stuck his tongue out before walking away. _

"_Are you okay?" he asked, sitting back down beside me looking at my purple stained dress. _

"_Yeah…hey do you really believe that girls don't have germs?" I asked, hopeful because most of the boys Thomas' age said that we did. _

"_I know you don't. You're too nice to have germs," he said smiling at me. "And you're my best friend."_

We'd been best friends ever since. When my mother found out how close we were she started letting Jasper come over to my house every day after school until his mom go off work.

"_Jasper sweetie, did she say what time she got off work tonight?" my mom asked peeking her head in my room. It was getting late, and Jasper's mom hadn't came to get him yet. _

"_She didn't say Mrs. Swan. She wasn't home this morning when I caught the bus to school." _

"_That's okay sweetie. You can just stay here tonight, but I want you two in bed by eight o'clock. Okay, Isabella?" my mom warned before leaving the room. _

_Jasper's mom was hardly ever home, but he made me promise not to say anything to my parents. She had to work two jobs to pay the bills since Jasper's dad left them when he was a baby. I was sad that Jasper's mom was always gone, but I liked that he got to spend a lot of time at my house with me. _

By age twelve Jasper was spending nearly every night at my house because his mother had been staying out later and later. She'd even started getting drunk when she was at home. As hard as that had been on him, I was still grateful that we got to spend so much time together. He was my best friend, my other half.

"_Bella, why do you let him talk to you like that?" Jasper asked as we walked through the front door. _

_That day at school Tyler had asked me to be his girlfriend, but I'd told him no. When I was in gym class I'd found out that Tyler had started spreading rumors about me, and then on the bus ride home one of the boys repeated what Tyler had said about me. Jasper had heard and almost got us kicked off the bus. _

"_I don't care what Tyler thinks about me," I shrugged, throwing my book bag down on the bed._

"_I know you don't, but I do. You're my best friend. I don't want anyone saying nasty things about my little sister," he said pulling me into a hug. _

"_Sister?" I asked, beaming with pride that he thought so fondly of me. _

"_Of course Bella. You're the most important person in my life. You are my family."_

_The following day Tyler went home with a black eye. _

We continued to spend every day together - him looking out for me, and me sharing my extra pillow at night. Everything was perfect…until my thirteenth birthday.

_I was sitting out front after school with Jasper waiting for my mom to come pick us up. She was going to take us out for a special birthday treat._

_I stared at the clock hanging just above the front doors to the school. _Three o'clock _She was forty five minutes late._

"_Happy Birthday Bella," Jasper said, for the one hundredth time that day. I leaned my head over on his shoulder and kept watching the streets, waiting for my mom's blue van to pull in. _

_I glanced up at the clock for the thousandth time. _Four o'clock_. She'd promised that she'd be there._

"_Maybe we should just walk home. It's not that far," Jasper suggested while rubbing my arm, trying to keep me from getting upset._

Five o'clock_. Maybe she forgot my gift at home. Maybe she forgot about me._

Five thirty_. "Bells?" my dad called as he walked up the front steps of the school._

That was the worst day of my life. My mother had been on her way to pick us up when she was hit by a drunk driver. She was pronounced dead on the scene.

I didn't cry when he told me. I didn't cry at the funeral. I didn't cry at all. Nothing felt real. I hadn't been able to wrap my head around the fact that she was really gone.

"_Bella get down here!" _

_I walked down the stairs to find him sitting at the kitchen table holding a beer. Shortly after my mom's funeral my father had started drinking. _

"_Bella I don't want that little bastard child coming over here anymore," he slurred, his glassy eyes glaring at me._

"_Jasper? But Dad, he's my best friend," I complained, not understanding why he was trying to take Jasper away from me._

"_Well, I don't want him here anymore. Now go upstairs and tell him to leave. You're not to see him ever again," he ordered, stumbling over to the fridge to grab another beer._

"_But Dad, you can't do this," I argued as tears began to form in my eyes._

"_I am your father, and you will listen to me. Go up there and tell him to get the hell out of my house," he bellowed before slamming the door of the fridge. "Now!" _

_I ran upstairs to Jasper, and for the first time since my mom died, I cried. I cried for myself. I cried for my mother. But mainly, I cried for my best friend. I knew how horrible things were for him at home with his mom - that's why he had been staying with my family so much. We'd been the closest thing he had to comfort and happiness. _

Little did I know that when he left, he'd be taking the comfort and happiness along with him.

From that day on, Charlie continued to become more and more strict with me, adding on additional rules as each day passed. He would scream at me for little things — not washing my plate after dinner, leaving my shoes in the doorway, or hanging my coat on the chair instead of in the closest. Mom had never yelled at me over such small things. Instead she would've just reminded me to pick up after myself.

It turns out that had been just the beginning of his anger towards me.

"_If it wasn't for you, she'd still be here! It's your fault, you ungrateful little brat!"_

_I knew it was my fault. If I hadn't insisted we do something special for my birthday, she wouldn't have been on her way to the school to pick me up, and she wouldn't have gotten hit by that drunk driver. If it wasn't for me, she would still be here. He had every right to blame me. _

"_Get your ass in there and clean that shit up," he demanded, pointing towards the kitchen. Over the past few weeks my daily chore list had continue to grow. I was now responsible for _all_ of the household chores. Cooking, cleaning…it was the least I could do. _

_That night I missed a spot. _

_That night I got my first bruise from my father. _

Things continued in that fashion for the next two years. Charlie's anger toward me never diminished, and his temper only got worse. The extent of his abuse continued to escalate from a stray bruise here or there, to the point where I was unable to distinguish the true coloring of my skin beneath the meticulously selected clothing I had used to conceal the marks. If there was a patch of skin that wasn't an angry red or purple, it was a sickening shade of yellow-green as the mark that had previously been there began to fade.

I never told anyone about Charlie, and no one ever asked about the influx in bruises littering my body. In fact, I'm not sure anyone other than Jasper ever even noticed. He'd gotten a glimpse of a few of the bruises when I'd been forced to wear shorts in gym class or if my t-shirts weren't hanging just right on my arms. When he'd ask, I would blame it on my clumsy nature, but even Jasper knew I wasn't _that_ handicapped.

It wasn't until I was fifteen years old that I slipped in my carefully concealed façade when Jasper learned his suspicions had been right all along.

_I had just snuck out the window like I had been doing for years, but that time I'd forgotten to check in the mirror for any damage to my face. Usually when Charlie beat me he'd deliberately aim for my back, stomach, or legs, but that night he'd lost control. That night I'd left the house with a bloody nose and a black eye. _

"_Bella, don't you fucking lie to me. I can't believe you've been covering for him for this long," he yelled gripping his hair as he paced around in the dark outside my house. "I will kill that son of a bitch. I will kill him, and he won't be able to lay a hand on you ever again." _

"_It's okay Jasper…really," I pleaded with a soft voice hoping to calm him._

"_No, Bella! It's not fucking okay. You're coming with me."_

It was that night, after enduring two and a half years of verbal and physical abuse from the man I used to call my father, that I finally ran away. Jasper had taken me home with him, and the only time I ever stepped foot back in my childhood home was to pack as much of my stuff as I could fit into a duffle bag while Charlie was out of the house.

Jasper's mom didn't care…that or she was too lit to even notice I had moved in. Charlie never came looking for me either. I don't think he ever really cared what happened to me after he'd lost Renee and then his job. He had been the Chief of police before his alcoholism took over his life.

Life continued without any further major incidents until August the following year, just three days before the start of our senior year. We'd come home to find a note from his mother that basically just said _'I'm out, see ya'_. I guess she figured Jasper was close enough to his eighteenth birthday that it wouldn't be a problem for her to up and bail on her son — as if the day one turns eighteen is the day they can magically take care of themselves.

Within a week Jasper had secured himself a job at the local fast food joint, working any shift that was offered whether it interfered with school or not.

"_I can get a job as a waitress at the diner in town, Jasper. They're hiring," I suggested, wanting to help take some of the strain off his shoulders. "You're already missing too much school."_

"_No, Bella. You need to focus on school. That's what's most important. It's my job to take care of you. Just let me do this." _

Jasper's part time job was enough to keep us from starving, but coming up with enough money to pay the bills along with the rent was another issue entirely. By the time Jasper turned eighteen in October, he'd dropped out of school completely in order to pick up a second job. In a town the size of Forks and with no means of transportation to look elsewhere, he was forced to make due with part time minimum wage jobs.

Jasper was making enough money to at least keep our electricity, gas, and water from being disconnected, but the rent had proven to be a problem. He had started off giving the landlord excuses as to why the rent payment was late until we could scrape together enough money, but as time went on, we resorted to simply evading him at all costs. By December we were three months behind, and the landlord had slapped a bright yellow eviction notice on our front door, demanding we have our stuff cleaned out by the time the new year rolled in.

That's when I was finally forced to drop out of school. I knew Jasper felt guilty and blamed himself for the lifestyle we lived,. But the truth was, if it weren't for Jasper, I'd still be stuck living beneath Charlie's roof.

I'd choose a rat infested warehouse any day over nightly beatings from my father.

"Hey darlin' I'm back," Jasper called, bringing me back from my trip down memory lane.

"Hey, whatcha got there?" I asked, pointing to the plastic grocery bag he was carrying. He opened it up to show me a bag of chips, a box of pop-tarts, a couple bottles of water, and a box of crackers. When I reached for one of the drinks I realized that he had a second bag hidden behind his back.

"This is for you," he said smiling, handing me a fast food bag. "I figured you might be hungry."

"Don't you want any?" I asked, one hand holding out the container of fries in his direction while my other was shoving a fistful of greasy goodness into my mouth.

"That is all for you Bella. I already ate," he answered chuckling while patting his stomach. I grinned with my pudgy food filled cheeks and garbled my words of thanks .

I proceeded to gorge myself on the rest of the french fries and a cheeseburger while Jasper sat down next to me and started pulling out a wad of cash out from inside his sock. I glanced up in question, but the look on his face was begging me not to ask how'd he gotten it. After putting his latest scavenger finds into his duffle bag, he tossed it behind the rusty beam. He settled in beside me and started rubbing my back as I ate.

"Hey Jas," I called looking over my shoulder at him.

"Hmm?" he answered as he absentmindedly twirled a strand of my hair through his fingertips, lost in thought.

"I love you."

He smiled up at me. "I love you too, doll face."


	2. Chapter 3

**A/N: **

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

EPOV

_Two and a half years. Two and a half fucking years I've been living this nightmare, and it's only gotten worse since Alice showed up..._ I thought to myself as I stared up at the cracked ceiling with the peeling paint from my spot on the couch.

Our father was a legitimate piece of shit. First he has an affair on my mother, which then led to her committing suicide right after I was born. Then he goes and marries the damn bitch a year later, and together they played the perfect married couple complete with two kids - once Alice came along a little over a year after their wedding - a dog, and a giant house filled with pretentious "Oh look at me, I'm rich and I have a perfect family" bullshit.

As if that wasn't bad enough, he goes and throws his eighteen year old child out on the streets, expecting her to somehow survive on her own. If it weren't for me, she probably would have been dead within a fucking week. I'd already been living on the streets for two years by the time she showed up. I'd learned all the tricks of the trade, and I'd used them to keep her ass alive, fed, and clothed for the last five months.

Growing up, I couldn't wait until I could get as far away from them as fucking possible, and at midnight on my eighteenth birthday, that's exactly what I did. I'd had my bags packed for weeks prior to that clock striking twelve. I'd had them in my fucking hands as I sat on my bed, watching the clock and counting down each and every fucking minute until I saw those blessed numbers appear, and then I got up off my bed, walked down the stairs, and right out the fucking front door. I even had the balls to take the car that dickwad daddy Carlisle had given to me, in a sad attempt to fix our destroyed relationship, and hadn't even finished paying off yet. Stupid prick kept paying for it, and the insurance on it too. Alice would drop off the renewed insurance cards every six months with a message from him asking me to come home...as if I'd ever considered that hellhole home.

I'd hated that man and his wife for as long as I could remember. I hated the way she tried to dote on me and act as though she were my real mother. It made me sick to my stomach every time she spoke to me in a warm tone or tried to touch me affectionately. She was half of the fucking reason my mother didn't exist anymore. If she had kept her goddamn legs closed and my bastard of a father had kept his dick in his pants, my mother would still be alive and my life would have been _completely _different. I wouldn't have been a twenty year old, hate filled, drug dealing to survive piece of shit, taking care of my baby sister who was just as fucked up as I was...if not more. I could have been a college student. I could have known what it was like to love someone without having that incessant rage brewing beneath the surface every second of every motherfucking day of my life.

The only person in my life that I was capable of loving was my fucked up sister, and to be completely honest, she drove me goddamn insane whenever she was high or drunk because she'd turn into a total psycho bitch. If she wasn't the only damn family I'd had that hadn't completely fucked me in one way or another, I probably would have left her ass stranded by the roadside by the end of the first week.

That's honest to God unconditional love right there...putting up with someone's psychotic bullshit without kicking their ass to the curb or betraying them just because you're not man enough to keep your promise to always protect and care for them. I'd made that promise to Ali when she came to me in tears the day his weak ass threw her out, and as much as she'd driven me out of my mind with her violent mood swings, I've kept my promise to her and will continue to do so until there comes a time when she no longer needs me.

"_Shit_," I groaned and rolled to the side so I could grab my pager and see who the hell was paging me at quarter to five in the fucking morning. I quickly dialed the number back and pressed the phone to my ear as I tossed the pager back on the table and laid back down.

"You rang?" I smirked as the slightly drunken feminine voice of my latest conquest answered. She was paging me for either one of two things...drugs, or a second dose of Vitamin E. Chances were, either way she'd be getting that second dose.

"Mmmhmm...I was wond'ring if you'd... have any X on you by any ch..chance," she slurred, with hiccups breaking up her sentence. She sounded so unbelievably fucking cute when she was drunk.

"How many are you looking for, and how much cash have ya got?" I asked as I sat up and grabbed a hold of my book bag that I'd been laying on top of.

I don't trust anyone in the places we've stayed in routinely at night...not even Ali. One wrong move and I'd lose my whole supply and most certainly my life if I couldn't come up with the cash to replace it by the time I had to pay up for it. I'd learned my lesson once. Ali had been drunk and made some new friends with some people that were crashing in the same place we were one night, and they damn near cleared out my entire fucking stash. If it had been any earlier in the week, I wouldn't have been able to cut what I had left with enough baking powder or oregano to hustle back the money that she and her friends had basically sucked into their bodies, and Jared would have put me six feet fucking under.

Since that night, my bag has remained in contact with my body 24/7. I keep a hand on it at all times when in the shower, and keep it in a plastic bag so it doesn't get wet, I sleep with it under my back and typically slung over both shoulders, it's never behind me when I'm in open areas...always under my arm when I'm walking about, and yes...I even wear the fucker when I'm having sex. There's not a second in my day that my bag isn't completely fucking secure, simply because its contents provided my sister's and my own only fucking livelihood.

He'd put me six feet under if he knew how much money I stole from his retarded ass by cutting his supply routinely with random junk, but I'd learned a long time ago who to sell the good shit to and who to sell the weak dirt to. It's a fine line that I've walked on a daily basis, but in order to keep gas in the car, food in our stomachs, and the occasional party accessory in our systems...it's a definite must. If I sold his straight supply, I'd have shit to show for it after paying him.

I'd learned that quickly, trying to scrape by on a measly hundred bucks when I'd handed over a grand to that fat fuck. As far as I was concerned, what he didn't know, didn't hurt me, and I'd always made sure to be careful that the weakened supply would still create the desired effect. It was just a little weaker, and it wouldn't last as long as the straight shit, but to someone who was already blitzed out of their fucking skull, they wouldn't know the difference anyway. That's the type of people I sold the weak shit to, people that wouldn't be able to tell if they were smokin' Chyme bud or straight fuckin' Oregano, snortin' pure cocaine or straight up baking powder.

"Um...three? Four maybe? I've got half...forty bucks...can we work s'something out for the rest?" she asked and my smirk turned into a grin.

"You got it sweet cheeks. I'll be there in a halfie tops," I said and she squealed as I hung up the phone and moved to the opposite side of the couch.

"Ali...Alice...get the fuck up. We gotta roll. I have to make a drop off," I said as I shook her shoulder.

That girl was assed out completely, snoring up a storm. I chuckled and grabbed the remaining stack of post-it notes from a late night drinking game off the table, and jotted down a quick note telling her not to leave and that I'd be back before eight. Then, like the dick that I am, I slapped it on her forehead and stood from the couch to make my way out of the shit box motel room we were staying in.

The place looked like Jonestown the day after, with random people passed out all over the fucking floor. I think I might have actually stepped on someone as I made my way to the door, but they were so damn unconscious they didn't even feel it. I locked the door behind me, just in case some psycho managed to happen upon the place, and made my way down to my car.

As much as I hated my father, I had to admit that he had damn good taste in cars. It was probably the only thing in the world that I loved and didn't piss me off...ever. My Lola. The sweetest and shiniest thing you'll ever see in the type of areas we frequented regularly. She's a silver Volvo S60R with 300hp, 18" alloy five spoke rims, triple-k turbocharger, and 295 pound-feet of torque.

_God I love my car..._ I thought as I clicked the unlock button on the remote and slid into her pristine leather seat...after taking a quick trip around her to make sure no one had fucked with her during the night of course_._

"Good morning Lola, my one and only love," I grinned as she purred to life with a quick twist of the key in the ignition. I waited a few minutes for her to warm up before chirping her tires as I pulled out of my spot.

I loved how quickly she responded to my touch. She thrilled me like no other ever could, and the knowledge that the stupid prick had finally finished paying her off, thrilled me even more as the threat of her being repo'd no longer hung over my head. She was officially mine, and there wasn't shit he could do about it because the dumb asshole had put it in my name. As soon as it was payed off, his status as co-signer...which was complete bullshit...was removed, and the only name still remaining was mine. Edward Cullen, and as soon as I had the fucking money to do so, I was changing that shit to my mother's maiden name, Masen.

Fifteen minutes later, I arrived at the towering apartment complex that Shayna had paged me from. The fact that I knew apartments and even motel rooms by phone numbers just goes to show how often I frequented them. The one good thing about this apartment complex above some of the others I'd made regular visits to, it had a gated parking lot, and the chances of Lola being violated were slim to none unless I made some quick enemies. That's another thing you learn on the streets. Even if you hate someone's fucking guts, you slap a goddamn prize winning smile on your face and treat them as if they're your best fucking friend. The fewer the enemies you have, the less the trouble comes your way. Golden rule here people, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

In the two and a half years that I'd been out there learning how to navigate the streets, I'd made a grand total of one fucking enemy. That's all it took for me to learn my lesson. Four new tires, a new paint job, new head lights and tail lights, and an arm cast removed later, I vowed to never again make another enemy as long as I walked the god forsaken streets of Seattle...or drove them more accurately.

I lived my life by a few simple rules. Never fuck a man's girlfriend/wife/fiance/fuck buddy or any other relationship that ties him to her in something other than blood relations, and even then make sure he's cool with you first. That was lesson number one. That's what damn near destroyed my one and only love. Never lose sight of your stash. That was lesson number two after Alice. Never fail to have the right amount of cash, or lose track of how much you should owe your supplier come payday. That one was a given that I'd been warned about from day one. And finally never, _never_, put your cock near some bitch's snatch without a fuckin' rubber...or two if you're really worried. That was lesson number four. Learned that shit after needing a healthy dose of goddamn penicillin and who knows what else when some bitch gave me Chlamydia. Lemme be the first to tell you, that shit burns like a mother when you piss. To add a personal preference, after that first experience, onto that last rule, I don't ever kiss a girl on the mouth, or let her suck me off...same goes for me in regards to heading down to "chow town" as some call it. God only knows what's been in there before me, and they don't make protection for your mouth.

That was where Alice and I differed the most. The way we lived our lives. She was a wild partier who routinely got herself so fucked up that she couldn't even remember how she got to wherever she woke up or what she did the night before, whereas when I dabbled in the party scene, I remained coherent at all times. No ifs, ands, or buts about it, and it's for a few simple fucking reasons.

One, if I lost control of myself, I lost control of her. There are way too many sleazy fuckers hanging around the places we've frequented on a daily basis, and so help me God if I ever caught her mouth on some motherfucker's cock that wasn't destined to be her husband, he'd fucking lose it. Same goes for another part of her that I'd really rather not think about. In no way, shape, or form, have I ever, or will I ever, be willing to lose my baby sister to something as vicious as Aids, or have her end up pregnant with some bastard child that whatever dickhead she had slept with ran away from. I don't wanna be a daddy, and I sure as fuck don't wanna be an uncle. It's hard enough just trying to keep the two of us alive.

Two, if I get wasted beyond my ability to think on my feet, I become vulnerable to a vast array of dangers. Someone stealing my shit. Being too fucked up to realize five-o arrived and being unable to get Ali and I the fuck out of wherever we are without being caught. Being unable to stop a situation that would result in said five-o showing up. And most importantly, not being able to drive without running the risk of being arrested and charged with both driving under the influence of any number of illegal substances and then having additional charges brought against me for carrying said illegal substances in quantities that would easily get me a straight twenty five to life for intent to distribute, and occasionally straight up fucking trafficking. That would definitely not be the highlight of my life, and in fact it might surpass my childhood on the suck-factor scale.

Last, but certainly not least, I've been ripped out of my mind before, and I just don't see the fucking point of it. It feels like shit. You're either passing out, vomiting your brains out, or you might as well just not have a brain because you can't comprehend a goddamn thing that's going on around you. It's one thing to get a bit laced and be able to relax, and laugh your ass off at the idiots surrounding you. Turning yourself into one of those staggering, brainless, loud as fuck because they can't hear anyone over the ringing in their ears, much less hear themselves think, and half the time end up either puking on themselves or pissing themselves, kinds of idiots lies in a whole different spectrum of stupidity. Forget the fucking levels.

They're two totally different classifications of partying at completely opposite sides of the Universe of Stupid. And yes, I do realize that I just basically said that both forms of partying are contained within the Universe of Stupid...because they are. That, however, doesn't change the fact that I do consider myself a visitor of that particular universe on occasion. I just wouldn't stand on a fuckin' runway with lit up orange cones directing traffic towards it, trying to entice people who aren't already literally nose deep in the shit to come for a quick visit. Because let's face it here folks...that visit is never just a fucking weekend stay.

The Universe of Stupid is a lifelong commitment that only leads you to one of four places. Normal life eventually, if someone's strong enough or cares enough about you to pull your ass out of it, and you're strong enough to stay the fuck out of it once they've gotten you out. Rehab, and in most cases you end up right back where you fucking started within weeks, if not days or even hours, of walking out the front doors. Jail, and in most cases you can manage to feed your addiction within the very walls that are supposed to keep you away from them, and once released, you go right back to where you were picked up from, and slide right back into that familiar pattern of life of getting high or drunk and passing out day in and day out. And the final possible place you could wind up is six feet under. Cold, still, and fucking dead.

How you ended up getting to that final point of no return isn't the important question. Never was and never will be, because once you've managed to get there, it doesn't matter anymore if it was because you accidentally overdosed, someone whacked you for any number of reasons, or you offed yourself on purpose because you already felt like shit, and once you obliterated yourself that feeling only increased tenfold, and pushed you over the edge, because once your dead... you're dead.

Metaphorically speaking, just because I know how many stoners love discussing, or at least attempting to discuss philosophy, physics, the actual size and shape of the universe, etcetera, etcetera, and spend their high times trying their damnedest to decipher metaphorical analogies... Wherever the invisible fault line in the linear timespan of your life was located, and you subsequently fell into because you couldn't see it, and ceased to exist any longer, is of absolutely no consequence once you...dun dun dun CEASE TO EXIST! Furthermore, any which way you really look at it, your death was in fact a fucking suicide because ninety nine point nine percent of the time, it was your choices that lead you down the path that brought you straight to your darkened eternal silence.

There are very few people who have frequented the Universe of Stupid and somehow managed to find a rabbit hole escorting them to a destination that wasn't one of those four places originally mentioned. The only other two exits I've ever heard of someone finding would be a mental institution, when you've done so many drugs that you've literally blitzed yourself out of your mind and you've become certifiably fucking insane. And the other, a convalescent home when you've overdosed just enough to turn yourself into a brainless vegetable, but not enough to actually fucking kill yourself. What a way to spend the rest of your life, right?

As if I haven't given enough reasons not to become a resident of the Universe of Stupid, as myself, my stupid fucking sister, and every other stupid fucking person we've met while out on the streets has, please allow me to provide just one more. All this bullshit rambling that I've done for...I'm going to take a wild guess and say the last three thousand four hundred and fifty nine words...has all been a side effect of a tiny ass rock no bigger than a baby's fingernail of crystal meth that my stupid ass smoked TWO FUCKING HOURS AGO! See what this shit does to your brain?

It _sucks_ because no matter what you do once you inhale, ingest, consume, lick, snort, bump, inject, smoke, huff, drink, or if you're really goddamn stupid enough to have somehow managed to have had a drug seep into your bloodstream through your skin...regardless of how your drug of choice gets into your system...once it's in there, you have absolutely no fucking control over when the hell its effects fade away. That's right folks. I am a goddamn poster child for the million and one reasons of why it's wise to just say no to drugs. Because I smoked that one tiny ass little rock, I've trapped myself inside my own rambling fucking mind that I cannot for the goddamn life of me manage to silence...no matter how hard I try.

So let this be a lesson kiddies, visiting the Universe of Stupid isn't the vacation that some people make it out to be. It's a one way ticket straight to hell. Being poor, working for minimum wage, having only a few friends or family members, or any other less than ideal situation you can think up that makes you believe that your life truly sucks, take one look at us and you'll feel on top of the world. Because when it comes to being down and out, and knowing that your life isn't worth the dog shit stuck on some prick of a jogger's shoe, we are the all wise, all knowing, Yoda-fucking-Jedi-masters of the term "my life sucks."

"Hey babe...under a halfie...just as promised," I grinned, using my lady magnet crooked smile and a wink as Shayna opened the door and swayed toward me lookin' positively ready to party her ass off.

_And so another day begins...at least today I'll be getting fucked by a hot blonde with legs that never end and not just by the force we've come to know as Life..._


	3. Chapter 4

**A/N:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

BPOV

_July 4th_

While quietly nibbling on a few crackers I'd swiped from Jasper's bag, I took advantage of the rare occasion to take in his sleeping form. Jasper had always been the last to fall asleep, yet the first to wake. From the first night he'd brought me home, he had taken it upon himself to look after me, and watching over me while I slept was certainly no exception.

Jasper used to try to stay awake at night, calling me out from the agonizing shadows of my unconscious as soon as he noticed my uneasiness, but he was always too late. By the time I would cry out in my sleep, Charlie had already left his mark, continuing to terrorize me in the one place I could not escape. As time passed, the nightmares had diminished — only choosing to haunt my dreams on occasion, and serving to remind me that I could never fully escape the power he held over me. In turn, Jasper eventually began to allow himself the peace of a full night's sleep, no longer feeling compelled to watch over me every second that I slept.

Jasper's expression was not one of peace and serenity that most people typically portrayed during slumber. His body moved restlessly, his expression morphing into one of worry and agitation; furrowed brows and a clenched jaw emphasizing the disgruntled scowl etched upon his face. Even in his unconscious I could still see the effects of shouldering the weight of my burdens. I hated that he slept so restlessly. I knew I wasn't the sole cause for his troubles, but I was the reason he didn't allow himself the full amount of rest he needed to combat our problems.

For the first month or so after being evicted from the apartment, we'd moved from one cheap motel room to the next, making our way with what little money we had left from not having paid the last month's rent. That, combined with the income from his lousy paying jobs, had been enough to keep us afloat. We were doing okay — until tax season rolled in and his employers found out that he no longer held a permanent residence.

We no longer had two cents to rub together nor a leg to stand on.

Once the money ran out, we stayed any place we could find shelter. Home became anywhere we could find refuge until the weather warmed enough for us to spend the nights outdoors. Initially we made use of the local bus and train stations until we were kicked out for loitering. Then Jasper had the bright idea to jump the turnstile, thinking we could ride the monorail all night long. Needless to say, we were busted and thrown off at the next stop. After that, we resorted to using empty train cars, passages under bridges, and abandoned buildings to provide us with a faint amount of privacy and shelter from the freezing cold wind and occasional rain or snow.

We never stayed in one spot for very long, instead choosing to drift from place to place before anyone could really notice our presence. I'm pretty sure Jasper was afraid of someone finding — I know I was.

"What are you doing up already, sugar?" Jas asked, his voice deep and scratchy from sleep. I turned around to face him, brushing at the crumbs falling down my chin.

"I woke up early…I was hungry," I explained, swallowing my breakfast.

He squinted his eyes at me before rolling over and giving me my morning kiss on the forehead. "Wake me up next time. You know I don't like you being up alone."

I silently nodded, knowing even if there was a next time I wouldn't be doing as he'd asked. He needed the rest, and while I always appreciated how much he cared for me, sometimes it just seemed like too much.

"It's also time we start looking for somewhere else to stay. We'll stay here again tonight, but tomorrow morning we'll head north toward a different part of the city," he said while moving around the room, picking up his dirty clothes and tucking them into his bag. "We've got to do laundry today. I don't have a shot in hell of finding a job if I'm walking around smelling like dead rats and piss."

"Do we have enough money for laundry?" I questioned, unsure how much he'd brought back with him the day before.

He sighed and narrowed his eyes at me, telling me to not worry about it. I didn't like that he kept things from me, but then again, it was his way of looking out for me. I shrugged my shoulders, willing to drop the matter and proceeded to move about to room packing up what few things I owned. I picked up the picture of my mother that was sitting beside our makeshift bed, allowing myself a moment to stare at her beautiful smiling face. I hated that when I looked in the mirror I barely saw any resemblance of her in my reflection. I looked too much like Charlie. Not only did I get stuck with his brown hair and his brown eyes, but my smile was a spitting image of his as well.

I heard Jasper calling out to me, asking if I was ready to go. I quickly tucked her photo into my bag and, with one final look around room, headed out the back door of the building.

We hopped on his rusty outdated bicycle to make our way to the laundromat. We were a scene straight out of the seventies with me sitting on the banana seat while he stood in front of me and pedaled. It was pretty ghetto, but I didn't mind. I was just glad we didn't have to walk everywhere.

When we got to the laundromat I headed straight to the restroom to wash up in the sink and brush my teeth. Living without running water was one of the things I hated the most about our lifestyle, having to make due with public restrooms and moist wipes whenever we could afford them. The last real bath I'd had was three weeks ago when we stumbled upon a shut down shop that still had running water. Jasper had drawn me a bath in a tin tub he'd found and scavenged the shelves until he found a bar of soap. At the time, it had felt like a lavish luxury.

A knock on the door startled me as I was rubbing the grime from my feet in the sink.

"Bells, it's me. Open the door," Jasper called. He handed me a pair of basketball shorts and one of his t-shirts once I'd unlocked the door. "It's all I have left that's still clean. Put those on, and we'll wash what you're wearing."

Once I had finished wiping myself clean with scratchy brown paper towels doused with hand soap, I changed into the clothes he'd given me. I had to tie a knot in the t-shirt because it practically hung down to my knees and roll up the shorts just to get them to stay on my waist . Once I looked somewhat presentable, I walked out to join Jasper who handed me the quarters he'd gotten from the change machine. While he took his turn to freshen up, I loaded our clothes into the washer and started the cycle before sitting down in one of the empty seats across from it.

Just as I was closing my eyes, Jasper appeared beside me, holding out a small box of dryer sheets. I didn't even try to hold back my look of disapproval.

"Jas, why didn't you get the other kind? You know, the kind in the yellow box?" I'd always gotten the cheap brand because we could barely afford to dry our clothes as it was.

"Because I know you like the smell of this one better," he said, handing me the blue box with the teddy bear on it. My mother had always used '_Snuggles_' so of course it was one of my most favorite scents. Just looking at the box brought back memories of being wrapped in my warm, freshly washed bedspread, curled up in her lap while she read me a bedtime story. Still, I didn't like him wasting money on something just because I liked it. But, as always, I knew it wouldn't have done me any good to argue with him so I pushed my agitation aside and thanked him for his thoughtfulness.

"What do you say we go to Wal-Mart after this? You need a new pair of shoes." I turned my head to glare at him, but he cut me off. "Don't argue me on this because you know it's true. Yours are completely falling apart. I can't have you walking around looking like a homeless person."

"But I _am _homeless Jasper…and I don't need new shoes, these are perfectly fine," I argued before looking down at my scuffed up sneakers. There were several holes, the tips of my toes easily visible, and the rubber sole was hanging completely off the heel of one the shoes. I sighed heavily, realizing he was right.

"See," he said smirking. I rolled my eyes as I scooted down in my seat so I could lay my head in his lap. We spent the next hour talking amiably about a better life.

"If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose?" he asked while playing with a lock of my hair.

"Anywhere you are."

He looked down at me and rolled his eyes, "Okay, if _we _could live anywhere in the world, where would we live?"

This time I took a moment to consider the possibilities before answering, "The country."

"The country?" he questioned, obviously surprised by my answer.

"Yeah, you know...I want the cliché small house in the country, two kids, a white picket fence, and a hound dog," I explained laughing at his facial expression.

"A hound dog and two kids? You dream big darlin'," he said, his southern accent coming out full force. Before Jasper's mother moved to Forks with him, they had lived in a small town deep in the heart of Texas. His southern side came out full force on occasion. "I've always taken you for a city girl, myself. What's wrong? Has the Seattle lifestyle jaded my little Bells?"

"Yeah, Jas, a full blown city girl right here," I laughed sitting up. "The perpetual grey of Seattle has left nothing to be desired. I'd much prefer the country"

"Do you miss Forks?" he asked quietly. I knew he worried about me missing the place I once loved so dearly despite the fact that it was only a few hours away.

"No," I said pointedly. "Forks holds nothing for me anymore. I don't miss it." And I didn't. I would carry my mother's memory with me always, and the only thing worth loving in that town after she passed was sitting right beside me.

"Do you miss it?" I asked, a small smirk playing on my lips knowing he hated that place the entire time he'd lived there. I felt his body beside me shaking with silent laughter.

"No. That place was never home to me," he said as he reached over to ruffle my hair. "You're my home." I couldn't help the answering smile that made its way across my face as he slipped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me back into his embrace.

"Now, you've been up since early this morning so lay back down and take a nap. I'll wake you when it's time to go," he said leaving me with no other choice than to melt into the warm safety of his embrace.

Once our clothes were dry he woke me to help fold and pack them away. I changed into a pair of cut off shorts and the only pink tank top I owned before hoping back on his bike to head towards the closest Wal-Mart in that part of the city.

The sun had began to peek through the clouds and, when combined with the slight breeze from the motion of the bike, it was as close to a perfect summer day as I'd felt in a long time. Before I knew it, we were pulling to a stop at the bike rack. As we were making our way through the automatic sliding doors, the greeter called out to us in a loud, overly friendly voice. I looked over at the bleach blonde - who came complete with fake tan and a pair of too tight jeans - as she licked her lips, her gaze focused intently on Jasper. I looked over at my best friend only to find him focused on counting what money we had left to spend, not sparing Barbie even a glance.

In the eight years that I'd known Jasper, not once had he actually had a girlfriend. I think he may have messed around with some girls before his mom bolted, but it was never anything serious. He'd never brought any of them around me and I didn't know if that was just out of respect or if he truly didn't care about them. Whenever I'd asked why he didn't date, he'd always replied, _'You're the only girl I need in my life doll. Everyone else is a waste of time'_. As sweet as that was, I knew I was probably the real reason he didn't date; he took his role as 'big brother' very seriously, never finding time for anything else.

I followed Jasper up and down the isles of the health and beauty department, putting back the more expensive shampoo he always tried to get me and grabbing the cheap ninety-seven cent bottle of Suave instead. After our basket was filled with new toothpaste, deodorant, a pack of razors, and everything I'd need for that certain time of the month, we started back towards the front to pay.

"Oh crap wait…I almost forgot, we've got to get you some new shoes. Come on, let's go see what they got," he said turning around and heading towards the back of the store.

I sat down and tried on all of the different pairs Jasper brought me, making sure to sneak a glance at the price tag before telling him if I liked how they fit. After at least a dozen pairs Jasper finally handed me a simple pair of plain black sneakers with white soles — the cheap pair I'd been eyeing ever since walking into the department. They were ten bucks and just as comfortable as the rest of the more pricey styles.

"Go ahead and get in line at the check out. I'll put the rest of these back on the shelf and be right up," Jasper said as he stacked four of the rejected shoe boxes and headed down one of the aisles.

I was nearly up to the checkout when I noticed the expensive shampoo I was _positive_ I had put back on the shelf tucked in the corner of the basket. _That little sneak_. Why Jasper insisted on paying over three times the price for the fancy brand when the cheap one did the job just fine was beyond me. _Well two can play that game_. I made a quick dash back over to the shampoo aisle and swapped the bottles out once again, refusing to let him win on this one. It was just _not _worth the extra money.

While making my way past the feminine hygiene aisle I found myself stuck in my tracks when I noticed a _guy _staring intently at the shelves of tampons. I couldn't help the small smile that played on my lips as I took in his disheveled bronze haired profile. Based on the disgruntled look upon his face, I knew he could probably use some help, but just the sight of this guy kept me from moving one step in his direction. He was dressed simply enough in a plain black polo with a white t-shirt hanging out of the bottom and a pair of loose and well worn jeans, but _my god _he was good looking. Thank goodness someone brushed passed me, snapping me from my daze before he noticed me blatantly gaping at him.

I quickly slipped into the next aisle, rushing over to the women's department across the way and hoping I had escaped unnoticed. I hid behind the clearance rack, trying to calm the pounding of my heart and diffuse the burning blush of my cheeks. I was pretending to admire a white halter top with flowers embroidered along the bottom when I heard Jasper call out to me.

"Whatcha got there cupcake?" he asked, looking at the top I was holding.

"Nothing, you ready to go?" I replied, shoving the shirt back on the rack before picking up the basket I had set down beside me.

"How much is that?" he inquired, still looking at the top.

"Don't worry about it, let's go," I said, hoping to derail his train of thought. I knew he'd want to buy it for me because he thought I wanted it, when what I really wanted was for him to either save our money or finally spend some on himself. He constantly put his own needs and desires second. Sometimes that drove me completely insane.

_Today being one of those days. _I thought, trying to drag him to the checkout, but of course he wasn't willing to budge on the subject. He shrugged out of my grasp and grabbed the shirt off the rack.

"Do you like it?" he persisted, checking the price.

"It's a nice shirt, but I really don't need it," I stated trying to coax him away from the stupid thing.

"Let me buy it for you. It's only five bucks and I have the money today…is this your size?" he wondered, holding it up to my frame. I narrowed my eyes at him in defiance as I grabbed the offending garment and thrust it back on the rack with the rest of the clothes. "I said I don't need it, come on," I hissed.

"You may not _need_ it, but I want to buy it for you. End of discussion," he retorted adamantly crossing his arms across his chest. I paused to take a deep breath, trying to keep my annoyance in check.

"Jasper, I know you want to buy me things, but I would rather save our money for something we actually need. You don't need to waste it all on me," I argued, ready to just get out of there.

"I'm the one who made the money and I say I'm buying you the fucking shirt," he spat through clenched teeth. Jasper hardly ever got angry enough to cuss at me, and I never liked it when he did. My body tensed, shying away from his as I tried to keep any tears from falling.

He noticed the look on my face and quickly started apologizing. "I'm sorry sugar, I didn't mean to say it like that," he said softly, wrapping his arms around me. I leaned into him, burying my head in his chest. "I know you want me to stop spending money on you, but I like being able to buy you things. It's not often I have the chance to do it. You're my only family Bella…I just want to keep you happy."

I looked up at him, as he ran his fingers through my hair, "I won't get it. It's okay…maybe next time," he said forcing a smile.

After we made our way through the check out line and back out to the front of the store, Jasper stopped suddenly, saying he forgot something. He gave me a few of the quarters we had left over from that morning and told me to get myself something to drink from one of the vending machines while he ran back in to get whatever it was he had forgotten.

Once he had disappeared from sight I turned to buy a juice, but the stupid contraption took my money.

"Stupid piece of crap," I grumbled to myself, resisting the urge to kick the dumb machine.

"What's wrong sweet cheeks?" asked a tall red haired boy with a big nose who was leaning up against the soda machine smirking down at me.

I narrowed my eyes at him and started walking away when I felt him grab my arm. "Hey," he called sternly, "What's your name?"

I pulled my arm from his grip, refusing to meet his gaze as I hurried out the door. I'd hoped he'd leave me alone, but I could hear his footsteps following me. "Come on, I just want to know your name," he called out from behind me.

"Well she doesn't want to tell you," a familiar voice bellowed. I turned around to find Jasper staring at the boy with an angry look on his face — a look I had come to know all too well. Jasper always looked angry when we were out around other people. Everything he'd experienced thus far in his life had left him cynical and resentful. He resented his mother, my father, and pretty much anyone who had everything we didn't and took it for granted.

"Who are you, her boyfriend?" Red asked him.

Jasper wrapped his arm around my shoulders before saying, "No, I'm her brother, and that gives me all the more reason to kick your ass."

"Hey, I was just trying to talk to her, sheesh." the boy said, before turning to walk off.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Jasper asked, his voice laced with concern as he held my face in between his large hands, looking down at me.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I assured him, shaking off the fear and anxiety that had seeped into the forefront of my mind. "He was harmless."

"Well that may be true, but I still worry about you," he said before pulling something out from the bag hanging off his arm. "Here, I got this for you." He pulled out the shirt we had argued over and handed it to me with a genuine smile across his face.

"I know you said you didn't want it, but I really wanted you to have it." I looked down at the shirt, tears forming in my eyes. "Please don't be mad at me, Bells. I just want to make you happy," he uttered nervously, mistaking my tears for ones of anger.

"Thank you Jas," I murmured as I hugged him to me tightly, emotional because he cared enough to go back and buy the stupid thing that I really did want but was too stubborn to accept in the first place.

"Today's the fourth doll. Anything you'd like to do tonight?" Jasper asked as we got ourselves situated back on the bike. I thought about it for a minute before replying.

"I haven't seen fireworks in a long time. How about we go down to the lake tonight?" I suggested, remembering the last time I'd gotten to watch fireworks on the fourth of July was back before my mom had died. That summer my parents bought us a blow up swimming pool and had a big old barbeque in the backyard to celebrate. Jasper had snuck me a pack of sparklers without my dad looking, and we'd spent the night up on the roof playing with them.

"That's a great idea, doll face," he agreed smiling over his shoulder at me. "Now let's get this stuff back to that piece of shit we call shelter."

Later that afternoon we got back on his bike and headed down to the park to watch the fireworks. We walked around for a bit, and Jasper found a couple half full bottles of liquor that he slipped into his bag, claiming they were for later that night.

We sat in the grass for a while and talked about our plans for the following day. Jasper wanted to head to the northern part of the city, hoping he might have some better luck finding some work. It felt like we were fighting a losing battle…no one wanted to hire the homeless.

"I hear they're remodeling one of the shopping plazas out there. Might find a part time job working construction," he mentioned, tossing a rock into the water.

"Yeah, that would be nice. I could try and find a job, too, you know…maybe a fast food place or something," I suggested with a shrug, picking at the blades of grass tickling my bare legs.

"You let me worry about the money, Bells. I'll make something work," Jasper responded in a clipped voice. I hadn't expected anything else as a response, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to at least mention I could try to find work, too.

Before the conversation turned any more depressing, we decided to head back to the warehouse, since it was only a couple blocks away from the park, so we could watch the fireworks from the roof top like we'd done as kids.

I climbed up the rickety stairs and luckily made it to the top without injury. We settled in against a old rusty beam and Jasper pulled out a couple bottles of Jack Daniels, handing me one after having wiped the brim off with his t-shirt. I smiled at him before taking a big gulp. It burned going down, but the cool air from the night was quick to tame it as I drew air into my lungs. Jasper laid back, and held out his arm for me to rest my head on, while we watched the fireworks light up the sky.

"Hey Bells," he started peering over at me from the corner of his eye.

"Yeah?" I answered propping up on my elbow to get a better look at him.

"One day, you'll have your small house in the country with the picket fence and a hound dog," he sighed before looking back up at the sky. "Of course I'm not sure about the husband with two kids…no one's ever going to be good enough for you baby doll."

"Thanks Jas," I replied, taking another sip of whiskey.

"Oh yeah," he said, rolling over grabbing his duffle bag, before sitting up beside me. "I almost forgot…"

I looked at him strangely, trying to follow his quick movements. The alcohol was definitely starting to take effect - it never did take much to get me tipsy. Jasper pulled out a small red rectangular box and handed it to me. It was a box of sparklers.

"I know how much you liked them when we were younger, so when I went back in earlier, I grabbed you a box for tonight," he explained, grinning proudly.

I laughed, lunging towards him for a hug, almost falling over in the process. He steadied me and moved me to his other side — so I wouldn't end up falling of the side of the building or something.

"Thanks Jas," I giggled taking the lighter he offered to light one.

We spent the rest of the night talking, laughing, and drinking on the roof while watching the fireworks overhead. It was easy to feel sorry for ourselves when were stuck living from one day to the next, not knowing where our next meal was coming from, or if we'd have anywhere to sleep at night, but it was times like those on the roof, playing with sparklers, drinking from half empty bottles of whiskey, and just enjoying being a teenager with my best friend, that somehow made it seem not so bad after all.


	4. Chapter 5

**AN:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

EPOV

After spending the better part of two and a half hours fucking the shit out of Shayna, I cleaned myself up thoroughly with scolding hot water, and immediately headed back to the motel to collect my still practically comatose little sister. If she didn't snore, I'd probably freak the hell out routinely thinking she was dead and shoving mirrors under her fucking nose to check for the fog caused by her breathing.

Upon arriving there, I wanted to beat the shit out of whoever either entered or exited the room and left the goddamn door unlocked. Were they really fucking stupid enough to never consider the possibility of someone entering and robbing their asses blind? Not that they had much to fucking offer, but the things that would have been taken, mainly their precious illegal substances, would have been considered their most valuable possessions. It's funny how those substances are precious to them because they fucking thrive off the sensations they experience while on them, and they're precious to me only because they provide money, food, and shelter for my baby sister and I. Two completely different kinds of people, stuck in the same fucked up kind of world.

As if my life wasn't hard enough to deal with, my plans for that day were going to push me above and beyond my level of tolerance for bullshit. Namely my father's bullshit. I'd had enough of Alice's wild partying. I'd watched her deteriorate further and further, to the point where I'd become fucking frantic with worry that the next drug she took, or the next alcoholic beverage she drank, was going to be her last one.

When I'd made my promise to her to keep her safe, I'd meant it, and if having to damage my pride for five fucking minutes to get her the help she needed would do just that, keep her safe, I was going to man up and do what I could to get it for her. I may be flush with cash on a daily basis, due to careful conservation, but there's no way in hell I'd ever make the money I'd need on the streets to get her ass into a fucking treatment facility. This being the sole reason why I inevitably swallowed my pride and knocked on what was once my front door, on a Sunday fucking morning, while my drugged and drunk sister was still passed out in the passenger seat of my car.

"Edward...what...is something wrong?" Carlisle stammered as his eyes shot open in surprise from seeing me standing on his doorstep.

"Yes, something is very wrong, but it has nothing to do with me. It's Alice. She needs help, Carlisle," I said, trying to remain as civil as I could manage.

"I'm your _father_, not some stranger. Please do not address me by my first name," he said as a flash of anger shot through his eyes.

"This isn't about you and me. If it wasn't for her life being in danger with the things she does I would _not_ be here. She's your _daughter_ for Christ's sake. I'd help her if I could, but I can't afford the treatment centers. I've tried to save enough money for it, but it's impossible for me to do. Even if I sold the car I'd only be able to come up with half at the most," I said, feeling my temper rise. I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to push the anger down. It wouldn't help me get through to him at all.

"We've tried, Edward. We've tried to get her the help she needs. She won't _take _it. She's been in rehab _five _times. Five, son. I've spent damn near a quarter of a million dollars trying to get her the help she needs. Each one of her multiple month long stays in the centers cost me damn near fifty grand, and each time she walked out of the doors, she went _right_ _back_ to the same lifestyle. We can't force her into it anymore. She's an adult now. If we put her in there, she's free to walk out upon her own will whenever she chooses. She has to _want _to go. If she _wants _to go, we'll gladly pay for her care," he replied, fighting to keep his temper in check as well. This is where I _know_ he's my father. If I'd ever had a doubt in my mind, our identical tempers were damn near tangible proof of our kinship.

"She's gonna fucking die out there! Don't you realize that? Don't either of you _fucking _care about that? Didn't either of you _think_ about what her life would turn into when you pushed her out on the streets? If it hadn't been for her coming to me she'd be dead already!" I ranted as I started pacing in front of his doorway.

"Edward, son...you," he started and I cut him off with a heated glare.

"_Don't_ call me _son_. The last thing in this world I'd ever _want_ to be is _your son_," I seethed and he sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Yet another fucking annoying habitual trait we both shared.

"I'm sorry, Edward. There just isn't anything we can do until she makes the decision to go to rehab on her own. No amount of therapy or detox will help her unless she wants to get away from it," he said, sounding completely resigned in his position on the matter.

"This is _bullshit_. Are you really capable of turning your back on the people you _should_ love and care about so easily?! I put up with her shit when I lived here. I've put up with with her psychotic bullshit since the day she came to me in tears because you tossed her to the curb like a piece of fucking _trash_. In the last _five _months, I've fed her, clothed her, kept shelter over her fucking head, restrained her during her substance induced fits of psychosis, put up with her hitting me for no good goddamn reason, and even dealt with her pulling shit that could have seriously gotten both of us killed. But I'm _still fucking here_! I'm _still_ trying to fucking help her. Do you have _any_ idea at all how much goddamn _pride_ I had to swallow just to come _here _and ask _you_ for fucking help? Do you have any clue at all how _worthless_ I feel because I can't help her on my own?! And you're just going to say I'm sorry there isn't anything we can do," I fumed, feeling as though I'd burst into flames at any given moment from the overwhelming rage that was burning me alive from the inside out.

"You want me to help her?! FINE! Go bring her to a facility somewhere! Have them call me and I'll foot the bill, but don't you _dare_ ever tell me that I turned my back on her! I gave her a _choice_, Edward. She _chose_ to leave instead of seeking treatment. What does that tell you?! Go drop her off! When she walks right back out of those doors within twenty four goddamn hours, don't you _ever_ show up on _my _doorstep again telling me that I turned my back on my family. You want to accuse someone of turning their back on their loved ones, take a goddamn good look in the mirror, because that's _exactly_ what you did the day you strolled your ass out of here in the middle of the night on your eighteenth birthday and drove off in a car that _I _continued to pay for and insure, just so I would know you weren't _completely_ devoid of shelter on the street somewhere."

"Think about it, Edward. That's what your precious car is...a forty thousand dollar mobile shelter that I provided for you, because it was the only thing I _could_ provide for you. I knew what you were planning, I'm not stupid! I _knew _the moment you turned eighteen you would bolt out of here like someone lit your goddamn ass on fire. I didn't buy you that car because you _deserved_ it, I bought it so you'd at least have one goddamn thing to cling to when you bailed out on every last shred of stability in your entire life! Go, Edward. Take her to a treatment facility, and take yourself to some goddamn therapy while you're at it, because you need it just as much as she does. I don't know where the hell we went wrong with the two of you, but _shit_, my failure as a father will haunt me until the day I die with what you two have put us through," he exploded and then tried to shut the door in my face. I stopped it with my foot and pushed it back open roughly.

"You really wanna know where you failed as a father? Try the day you killed my mother when she found out about your fucking affair with Suzie Homemaker in there hiding somewhere in that stepford wife's dream kitchen," I sneered and then turned on my heel to stalk back down to my car.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I did _not_ cheat on your mother?!" he yelled after me. I just flipped him the bird as I continued to storm towards my fucking car, and not five seconds later the slam of the door echoed through the air. I slid back into the car and took off toward Promises, a local drug and alcohol rehab center. Lamest name ever, with an even lamer commercial, but supposedly one of the best in the area.

As I pulled into the parking lot, I became immediately aware that for the second time in one day I was going to have to break one of my cardinal fucking vows. I had vowed never to return to that house the day I left, and I had just returned to it for Alice, and as soon as I got out of the car, I was going to have to break my vow to never separate myself from my fucking bag...again for Alice. I would have been totally and utterly screwed had I walked into that building with that book bag on my back because they search _every_ person that walks through the door...not just potential patients.

"Ali, wake up!" I yelled right in her ear, knowing it was the _only _way to wake her up. She wigged out and slapped the shit out of me. I ground my teeth together to avoid letting my temper rise in her direction.

"What the fuck, Edward! Why did you fucking bring me _here_?!" she screamed as her eyes squinted open and she saw the giant blue lettering against the beige stucco background of the building.

"Ali, honey. You need help. You're going to kill yourself if you keep this shit up," I said as I took her hands in mine, partially to comfort her and partially to protect myself from being slapped again.

"I'm not going...you can't make me go!" she screeched as she tried to pull her arms away from me.

"Shhh...Ali, shhhh. It's okay, honey. It's okay," I soothed as I clutched her to my chest. She continued to fight against me, growling and shrieking, and trying to get her arms free.

"You need to calm down, Alice. Listen, Carlisle agreed to pay for your treatment. Please...you _have_ to go. I can't stand the thought of you dying so pointlessly. _Please_, I'll go with you if I have to. I'll go through treatment right next to you, but please, you _need_ treatment, Ali," I pleaded with her as the her struggling began to subside.

"You'll really go with me?" she sniffled in a soft voice a few minutes later. I sighed and nodded into her shoulder.

"And you'll stay the whole time I'm there?" she asked, pulling back from me slightly to clear her face.

"I'll stay the whole time you're there," I promised.

"Okay," she said softly as she nodded. I smiled and leaned across the console to kiss her cheek before getting out of the car to toss my bag in the trunk. At the very least, it wouldn't be out in the open in there.

We walked into Promises together, and went through the entire search process. The only thing they took from me was my lighter. I didn't have anything else on me besides my wallet, cell phone, pager and keys. I slipped them back in my pockets when the man handed them back to me and walked up to stand beside Alice.

"Edward...I can't fill this thing out...I can't even understand the damn thing right now," she said as she looked up at me with tear filled eyes.

"It's okay, I'll fill it out for you. Why don't you just go sit over there 'til I'm done filling out our papers," I said and she nodded as she stepped forward to hug me. I kissed the top of her head and held her tightly to me, relieved that she was at least going to try to get the help she needed. She smiled sadly at me as she backed away and went to sit in the chair.

"Sir?...Um, Sir?" A lady's voice beckoned, pulling my concentration from the papers in front of me.

"Hm?" I hummed as my eyes drifted up only to see her pointing toward the front door. I tilted my head and looked just in time to see my deceitful, pick pocketing thief of a fucking sister bolting out the front doors of the place and headed for my goddamn car.

"ALICE!" I hollered as I took off behind her. That fucking little witch had just slid into the driver's seat and gotten the doors locked just as I pulled up on the handle.

"DON'T FUCKING DO THIS ALI! DON'T DO IT!" I yelled as I smacked my hand against the window. She started the car up after fumbling with the keys for a moment as I continued to yell and bang my hands against the glass. With only one spared glance in my direction, she took off in _my _fucking car, with _my _fucking bag, and headed to god knows fucking where.

"FUCKING BITCH!" I yelled as I watched my car disappear from the lot.

"Do you need to call the police?" the woman that had brought Alice's escape to my attention called.

"No...I want her in rehab, not jail," I answered, shaking my head and sitting down on the curb of an island in the middle of the parking lot. She nodded and turned around to head back inside as I fished my cell phone out of my pocket.

For a half hour I sat there, calling apartment after fucking apartment, and motel room after motel room, trying to find where she had fucking taken off to, and praying that she hadn't killed herself or destroyed my car driving in the state she was in. Finally after damn near thirty calls I found where she went to and immediately called a cab. An hour and fifty fucking bucks later, the cab dropped me off a block away from the apartment she had gone to, belonging to her friend Lauren, who I personally couldn't fucking stand.

I didn't even bother knocking when I strode straight into the apartment. I took a quick look around and gave a quick nod to the people sitting on the couches in the living room, completely fucked out of their skulls. They honestly probably hadn't even noticed my entrance even though they'd looked right at me. One look in their eyes and you could tell they weren't seeing _shit_ in front of their faces. I heard Alice's tinkling laughter coming from the kitchen so I followed it quickly. She was _so _goddamn lucky that my stash had been nearly wiped out as it was when I grabbed a hold of her arm and pulled her up from the chair.

"What the fuck is _wrong_ with you?" I seethed as her bloodshot, glassy eyes widened at me. I took a look at the table and took note of just how much stash they had burned through with the number of empty bags and wrappers.

"I _told_ you I didn't _want_ to fucking go there, Edward. You should have _listened_," she growled back, ripping her arm away from me. I grabbed a hold of my bag, and collected what I could salvage from the table.

"What's it gonna take, Alice? Huh? Do you have to actually _see_ it happen to someone for you to realize that death is _exactly_ where you're headed?" I ranted as I zipped my bag up. I knew I'd have to go through it at some point and take fucking inventory before meeting up with Jared.

Having put up with her shit for five months at that point, I should have known it was coming. I should have had some type of fucking intuition to tell me that her tiny ass goddamn hand was flying toward me, but I didn't. That little witch caught me right at the corner of my goddamn eye with her tiny ass little fist, and cold cocked me as I stood up straight and turned toward her. How her short little ass even managed to reach my fucking eye baffled the shit out of me.

"What the fuck, Ali?!" I roared, reining in my temper just enough so I wouldn't send her fucking psycho ass flying across the room.

"That's for trying to get rid of me! You're just like _him_! You don't give a shit if I _die_! You just don't want to fucking deal with me anymore!" she screamed.

"_I_ don't give a shit if you die? _Me_? The person who swallowed every last bit of dignity they had left just to face the one person they _hate _most in the world to ask for help for _you_, but _I _don't give a shit?! Don't you _ever_ fucking compare me to _him_! I didn't throw your ass out on the street! I didn't even try to throw you in that place alone! I was willing to go with you! How was I trying to get rid of you if I was going to be in there _with_ you?!" I screamed back, gesturing wildly between us.

"YOU WOULD HAVE LEFT! I know you would have! You would have waited until they had brought me in and then you would have checked yourself out! Don't think I'm stupid enough to believe that you'd stay in a shit hole like that!" she ranted as she pushed against me, and pounded on my chest but I wouldn't budge.

"Have I _ever _broken a promise to you? Have I ever said something to you and then fucking done the _exact _opposite?" I asked as I wrapped my hands around her fuckin' dainty little wrists to stop her from hitting me.

"No," she sobbed as she flung her arms around me. "Oh God Edward...I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me. I'll pay you back, I'll wash the car, I'll do anything, please don't leave me," she rambled with a quivering chin and fucking tears streaming down her face. In two seconds flat she had gone from pounding away on my chest, acting as though she wished to beat me to death, to crying hysterically and clinging to me so tightly I could barely fucking breathe.

Welcome to my life, people. Drug induced psychosis, case and point. At any point during our argument did I say I fucking hated her? Did I say I was going to fucking leave her? That, my friends, is what you call hallucinogenic induced paranoia, and I'd been dealing with that shit on a daily basis for five fucking straight months at that point_._

"Ali, I don't hate you, and I'm not leaving you. I just can't stand seeing what you're doing to yourself. You've spiraled out of control and you need to slow down or you're going to come to a dead stop. Look at all the people around us. Do you really want to be just like them?"

I kept my tone soothing, hoping to stop her fucking crying. If there was anything worse than her hitting me it was the fucking tears. They made me feel like _shit_. I'd always hated seeing her cry. It didn't matter if it was the shit in her system making her do it or not...her fucking tears _always_ had the same effect on me.

"I'll..s'slow down...I p..promise," she spluttered.

"Come on, get your shit. We're not staying here tonight. We'll go down to the lake or some shit and watch the fireworks and then I'll get us a motel room for the night," I said as I led her through the rank ass apartment.

Lauren was a fuckin' slob. Out of all the fuckin' holes in the wall we've stayed in, her place was like a goddamn biohazard zone. Of all the times Alice had dragged me there, I don't think I'd ever sat down once in fear of what would fucking cling to me and end up contaminating my fucking car. Just walking in the door assaulted damn near every one of your senses. There was shit _everywhere_. People would piss themselves or vomit on the floor and no one would ever fucking clean the shit up. Cups with fuckin' mold growing in them covered damn near every flat surface available, and the lazy fucks that stayed there constantly would just stack em instead of getting their shitfaced asses up and throwing the shit out. If I ever absolutely _had_ to sit down somewhere, I'd probably sit on the trashcan because I don't think it had ever been fucking used.

When we got to the car, I made her toss her shit in the trunk because it had been sitting on the nasty ass floor in that shit hole. I was silently thanking whatever deity granted me the small ounce of luck that I hadn't had to actually deal with Lauren. Just having that bitch touch my arm made me want to scrub myself with thousand degree bleach and a fucking brillo pad.

She was by far the skankiest bitch I had ever met in my life, and that was before she'd slipped down that all too familiar downward spiral. She had been friends with Alice during their high school years, and she was a straight up skank way back then. By the time I was a senior and they were sophomores, she had fucked her way through damn near the entire male population at our school. There were only a few, including myself, that hadn't dared enter that over navigated territory, one of them being my old best friend, Emmett McCarty.

_Wonder whatever happened to that fucker..._

I hadn't heard from his ass since he left for college, not that I'd ever have wanted him to know what fucking became of me. It's not like I had anything in my life to be fucking proud of. At least he hadn't gotten sucked down into this shit the way half of the people I knew from school had. I couldn't even begin to tell you how much some of the people, that I had once figured would end up being things like doctors, lawyers, engineers, or teachers or some shit, had changed since our teenage years. Half of them frequented the same places Alice and I did, looking like death and practically fucking reeking of it as well.

I've seen some fucked up shit since I walked out of that front door that night. I've seen people who were considered popular, smart, and ambitious, turn into fucking zombies. People who had the means and support to make something of themselves, throw their lives away just so they could pass out on a couch that reeked of vomit, mold, smoke, stale beer, and god knows what else, with a fucking needle still hanging out of their arm.

Probably the worst thing I've seen since my arrival in this fucked up part of the world, was walking into one of my usual nightly crashing spots and finding the body of Alice's childhood best friend on the fucking floor after she had overdosed. The stupid fucks in the apartment hadn't even noticed her and were stepping over her lifeless body as if she had just been passed out.

That was the hardest night I'd ever had in my life. I still haven't been able to break it to Ali that she's gone. She isn't even aware that Nicole had ever been into the kinds of things that our lives revolve around. As far as she knows, when Nicole had moved just outside of Seattle and transferred schools, her life went right on along in the direction that it fucking should have. I haven't said a damn thing to make her fucking think otherwise simply because she hasn't mentioned Nicole since she was probably twelve. I've questioned myself daily whether or not I should have told her at some fucking point. I often wonder if it would have stopped her from making the same choices that led Nicole to her death.

"Are you hungry?" I asked as I slid into the driver's seat, grunting when I damn near impaled myself with the wheel as I moved my seat back. She nodded and rested her head against the window as I pulled out of the lot.

I drove us through a drive-thru at the local Burger King and ordered food for both of us before heading toward a motel. I had to meet up with Jared that day, and I sure as shit wasn't bringing her with me in her condition. The last fucking thing I needed was something setting her off and having her hit him for some unknown fucking reason. I paid for just the one night, and got her all set up before taking a quick shower.

"Ali-cat...I have to go meet up with Jared. Do you need anything on my way back?" I asked as I sat on the edge of the bed putting my shoes on. I didn't care that there was only one bed in the room and we would have to share. Sleeping on a bed in a motel room, that was at bare minimum three times as clean as the places we usually slept in, was going to feel like fucking heaven.

I fucking missed the days when I could afford to pay for a room nightly. When it was just me that I had to support, I had plenty of extra money to fuck around with. Once Alice showed up, that fucking disappeared. I would have been able to make it work if I hadn't had to replace all that shit on my car, and pay my massive hospital bill after that run in with some chick's boyfriend just a few months prior to her showing up. I lost every damn penny I had ever saved in that shit, and since then we'd had no choice but to hop around places routinely.

I miss the days when I could sleep through the night and not worry about the shit hole I was staying in getting raided by fucking five-o. In the two and a half years I'd already been out on the streets, doin' shit I knew could land my ass in prison, I'd been lucky enough to not get snagged. I knew it was just a matter of fucking time though. No one gets away forever. We all have our time when we end up getting caught up in the fucking game. It was just a matter of when, and whether or not I was able to get us out of this fucking mess before then.

"Yeah, I need cigarettes, tampons, and I'm definitely gonna need some shit for a headache later," she giggled and then stuffed a handful of french fries from my container in her mouth. I dug through my bag quickly, taking inventory and doing a little mental math to figure out the cost of what Alice had blown through at Lauren's.

"What fucking brand again?" I groaned and she laughed. I wasn't about to tell her that I wasn't groaning because I'd have to buy her feminine products. Her little stunt had cost us two hundred fucking bucks.

"Kotex...the white box with the red flower," she said with a mouthful of food.

"White box, red flower...got it. You owe me for this shit," I said as I pointed at her and got off the bed. "Keep the door locked, stay inside, and don't let anyone in."

I walked back out to my car, with my burger in my hand, and tossed my bag into the passenger seat. There really was no need for me to hold on to the damn thing since it was pretty fucking empty. All I had left was a dimebag of pot, a couple rocks, and one tablet of E. Not much worth fucking rescuing if you asked me. Twenty minutes later I pulled up in front of Jared's house and jogged up to the door with my bag slung over my shoulder.

After handing over his profits from the week, and receiving my three hundred dollar cut, which was complete bullshit because I'd handed him close to two fucking grand, he refilled my supply and I headed back out to my car. I made it a point never to stand around socializing with him. The less contact I had with him, the better. I was only saving myself in the fucking long run. I didn't need to be seen hanging around that house for hours at a time.

In the beginning, Jared had kept my stash to the bare fucking minimum. It took me months to gain his trust enough to increase it to the point where I could make a decent profit off cutting the shit. I'd make a whole hell of a lot more money if I sold the real heavy shit, like heroine, but I tried to keep that shit as far away from us as I could. As far as I was concerned, heroine and crystal meth were probably the worst things available on these streets, and I kept my dealings with the CM to a minimum. It was easier dealing with stupid shit like weed, coke, E, acid tabs, shrooms, and various forms of prescribed medications. Uppers, downers, painkillers and the likes.

With losing two hundred of my own profits from her earlier stunt, another roughly two hundred or so from the shit we'd partied with over the last two weeks, and then adding the money he had cut me, Alice and I had a grand total of seven hundred fucking bucks to get us through until the next time I refilled my supply... which at the rate I was selling, would be a little over two weeks. That wasn't gonna get us very fucking far. Either I was gonna have to hustle big time to pay up and restock quickly and get some more cash, or I was gonna have to cut corners wherever I could.

It's amazing how a family of five can make an entire meal for like twenty bucks, sometimes less, but somehow when you live on the fuckin' street, and have nowhere to actually _cook_ a meal, you spend almost twenty bucks a meal on just two goddamn people for shitty ass fast food. That's close to sixty bucks a day on just food. Multiply that number by fourteen. Two-eighty. Almost three hundred fucking dollars in just food for two people for two weeks. Add in Alice's pack a day cigarette habit, sometimes more depending on how hard she parties, and at damn near five bucks a pack, and we've already spent four out of the seven hundred dollars that we had to get by with. Factor in twenty bucks for gas every three days, and that brings you up to five hundred, leaving us with a whopping two hundred bucks for anything else we may need, or Alice may want, during that time frame. Welcome to Homeless Economics 101, now you know why I couldn't afford to pay for a motel room for us nightly.

I made a quick trip through the local Walmart, picking up a few necessities for myself and Alice's cigarettes, Ibuprofin, and feminine products...which I'll never understand why there is a need for an entire fucking _aisle_ of different brands of the _same _shit. Thank God she fucking said white box, red flower, or I would have been standing there all fucking day trying to figure out which ones to buy her.

How in the hell did something like a fucking torpedo of cotton have so many different variations? Seriously, standing there for five minutes looking for a white box with a red flower, I spotted boxes sporting descriptions like, flushable applicator, applicator free, scented, unscented, regular, heavy, super, super plus...and don't even get me started on the maxi pad thing. What the hell is the purpose of adding wings to a strip of diaper?

As I made my way up to the registers to pay, I passed by what looked like a young couple arguing over a shirt. I didn't really see the girl aside from her mahogany colored hair as the tall lanky guy followed after her practically fucking begging her to let him buy it for her. She was arguing that she didn't need it and they shouldn't spend what little money they had on something she didn't need. One look at his appearance told me all I needed to know, they were probably fucking homeless and worse off than Alice and I were. If I wouldn't have been so strapped for funds at the time myself, I would have slapped a twenty in the guy's hand and told him to fucking get it for her when she wasn't looking. As I took my place in one of the lines and awaited my turn to pay for my merchandise, I shook my head and thought about how much I wished Alice would deny herself something that way just _once _to make things a little fucking easier on me.

It wasn't that I didn't _want _to buy shit for her. I did, and I wished I could do so more frequently, but I just wished that she would learn what the fuck it meant to conserve to survive. Living on the streets, you never knew when you would actually _need_ that fifty bucks you tossed away on clothing you didn't fucking actually need, or pair of name brand shoes that you could have waited just a little fucking longer to purchase. I learned that shit after repeatedly finding myself straight up broke for days on end, needing to find change in the street to buy some cheap food because like a dumbass, I had wasted all my fucking money on unnecessary shit I had wanted at the time.

Looking at my wardrobe, you would think that I'd spent the money I'd made on clothing routinely, but the majority of the clothing I owned, came from before Alice had been tossed out on the street. I took immense fucking pleasure in racking up Carlisle's credit card bills when Alice would snag a card with some bullshit excuse that she needed a dress for a school function, or needed new shoes, or any other trivial thing that would have him handing his card over to her. The sad truth of the matter was that in the beginning, I spent the money I made on useless fucking shit. Alcohol, CDs, a stereo system that got stolen a week after I bought the fucking thing...all shit that wasn't going to stop me from going hungry, or keep me warm at night if I couldn't manage to find a fucking place to crash.

"Edward, have you seen my pink camisole? We washed it the other day at the laundromat. Is it in the trunk of the car?" Alice asked, looking up from where she had been digging through her bag when I'd walked in the door. I noted how she had been digging in _both_ of our bags and pursed my lips.

_Pink camisole my ass..._

"Haven't seen it and there's nothing in the trunk. We took it all out. Did you leave it at the storage unit when we switched out clothes for the week?" I asked, feigning ignorance to what she had _really _been fucking looking for as I passed her the plastic bag filled with the things she'd asked for.

Ever since she'd joined up with me, I'd had to rent out a storage unit to keep the majority of our shit in, otherwise my car would have been filled to the fucking brim with bullshit. When it had just been me, the most I really had was clothing and I kept it all organized in my trunk. When I'd left our father's house, I'd only taken my clothes, a blanket, and part of my CD collection. Alice, on the other hand, took damn near everything but her bathroom sink.

"No...I _know_ I didn't leave it there," she said as she plopped down on the bed and put her face in her hands. She was starting to come down from the high she had been on, and depending on what she'd actually taken, or combination of things she'd taken, she'd either mellow out within the next hour or so, or turn into an irritable fucking little shit for the rest of the goddamn night. Either way, she wasn't getting her hands on any hard shit for the remainder of the fucking night.

"I'm sure we'll find it at some point," I told her as I laid down on the bed next to her and flicked the TV on. I was fucking beat after having not slept for almost two days. The energy from that rock I'd smoked in the middle of the night to keep myself awake to watch over Ali because she'd partied too hard, had long since vanished. That's the only time I ever touched hard shit like that...when I needed to stay awake to watch over her. She tossed one of my over sized t-shirts over the towel she had been using to cover herself, and stepped into a pair of sweat shorts before tossing our bags onto the little sofa in the corner of the room and climbing into the bed next to me.

"Are we still gonna go see the fireworks tonight?" she asked as I rolled onto my side and she curled herself into my frame with her back against me. I wrapped my arm around her and kissed the back of her head, grateful for the calmness between us at that moment. I couldn't remember the last time she had actually been mellow and not ready to take my head off at some point or another within the last few weeks.

"Yeah...maybe I can snag a six-pack for us to share before going there," I mumbled and then yawned as I closed my eyes.

"I'm sorry for earlier, Edward. I love you, you know that right?" she asked quietly. I nodded as I pulled her closer to me, keeping my arms wrapped around her so I'd know if she moved to make a move on my bag while I slept.

"I know Ali-cat. I love you too."


	5. Chapter 6

**AN:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

BPOV

"Oh god," I groaned while rolling over and cringing at the throbbing pain from the small movement of my head. I heard a deep chuckle from somewhere across the room and peeked open one eye to find Jasper with a look of amusement on his face, holding a styrofoam cup in each hand.

"I headed down to the seven eleven to pick up some coffee for us. I figured you'd want some caffeine once you woke up this morning," he explained while moving to take a seat next to me on the moldy mattress. "How's that head?" he asked as he set the coffee cups down at his feet so he could taunt me by ruffling my rat's nest of a hairstyle, laughing again when I swatted him away.

"Ha ha," I replied sarcastically, forcing my heavy body into an upright position. It didn't work out so well, and I ended up leaning against him for support. I fumbled with the stupid tab lid thingy of my cup before relaxing in the warmth of its contents. Caffeine was definitely what I needed.

"How did I get back down here anyway? The last thing I remember was trying to set the roof of this place on fire with my sparkler," I recalled, wrapping both hands around my cup, my nose buried in the steamy warmth. Last night I'd thought it would be funny to burn the warehouse to the ground, not really taking into account that we would have gone down in flames with it.

"I had to carry your ass back down here before you fell off the roof," he laughed, nudging me with his shoulder. "And trust me that's not an easy thing to accomplish when you're drunk."

I rolled my eyes and took another gulp of my coffee before laying back down on the mattress, hoping to give my pounding headache a moment to settle. Twenty minutes later the caffeine had worked it way through my system, and I was feeling at least moderately coherent.

"Let's get some food in our systems and then we can head out across town," Jasper suggested, shoving the last of his clothes into his duffle bag before giving our space a final inspection, making sure we hadn't left anything behind - not that we had all that much, but forgetting even a single item was more than we could afford to replace.

Once outside, Jasper threw his bag into the rusted basket on the front of the bike, and I climbed onto the seat behind him with my messenger bag slung across my back.

Why today, of all days, did the sun _have _to peek through the clouds? Don't get me wrong, I was glad it wasn't raining because traveling across the city via bicycle during a drizzle, or worse a downpour, was most definitely not my idea of a good time, but the glaring rays of sunshine felt like they were stabbing my sensitive retinas.

When I saw Jasper pull a pair of sunglasses out of his bag, I was infinitely jealous. I pulled out my best pouty lip face, hoping he might have pity on me. It didn't work.

"Jasper, please just let me wear them. My head is _killing_ me," I whined before trying to snatch them off his head.

"No!" He argued, laughing as he leaned farther forward on the bike to keep them out of reach. "Now you know you shouldn't drink so much the next time."

The bright light made my previously receding headache flare up again, and all I really wanted was a comfortable place to lay back down and sleep off my hangover. It had been so long since I'd had a decent place to sleep, but alas, the likelihood of that happening anytime in the foreseeable future was realistically nil to none. So I sucked it up and I covered my eyes with my hand, shading them as best I could while Jasper rode us to the closest fast food joint.

Half way there Jasper stopped the bike, sighing when he turned around to find me squinting at him beneath my hand with what sure to be a most pitiful expression. Shaking his head at me, he pulled the sunglasses off of his face and placed them over my eyes. Hel quickly kissed the top of my head before turning back around and continuing down the road.

After we stashed the bike out of the way alongside the building, we headed inside. I made a beeline straight for the restrooms, toting my messenger bag filled with what few toiletries I owned. Unfortunately, there wasn't a lock on the door so I checked under each stall to make sure I was alone before I started washing up. I used their foamy hand soap instead of my own — always trying to conserve what I could of our supplies.

I hiked my leg up onto the sink, rubbing the scratchy clump of paper towel from ankle to thigh, washing away the smudgy evidence of my poor person's status. Even though I had just "bathed" the day before, any amount of time spent in the warehouse always left me covered in dust and dirt. I quickly washed myself, cleaning my body as thoroughly as I could considering I was using a sink and not an actual tub or shower.

After drying off with a towel, I raised my eyes to into the mirror and decided I desperately needed to wash my hair. I typically only washed it once or twice a week, choosing to tie it back on the days between washings in an effort to keep a neater appearance. It's not that I didn't care about daily hygiene. I always made a point find a place to wash up and brush my teeth everyday, but then again, those sorts of activities are easier to accomplish unnoticed. When you walk into a place with dry hair and come back out with it wet, people tended to _stare_. It's impossible to hide the fact that you've just taken a bath in the sink.

As I was rinsing the shampoo out my hair, the restroom door burst open, revealing a petite girl with short black hair. I stopped scrubbing once I saw her, hoping if I didn't move that maybe she would move to a stall without noticing me. No such luck. She turned to look right at me, her eyes widening as she took in my hunched over form. From my twisted upside down angle I could still make out all of the expressions on her face as they passed. Confusion at first, wondering what I was doing with my head buried in the sink. Then it morphed into realization that I was, in fact, washing my hair in said sink. Finally her expression settle on pity because it was obviously the only place I had to do so.

I hated that look…_pity_.

I didn't want or need anyone's pity so naturally it only made me angry when I saw her face fall into a deep frown, sadness pouring from her eyes. Slowly I reached out to grab the towel next to me, wrapping my hair up as I turned away from her piercing eyes, my cheeks aflame with embarrassment.

I had started gathering my things, quietly shuffling them back into my bag while the girl continued to stare at me, seemingly mesmerized.

"Hi, I'm Alice," she offered, breaking the awkward silence. Her voice was friendly enough, not disgusted like I would have imagined.

"Um, hi," I said quietly, rushing to get my things put away. "I'm Bella."

"What kind of shampoo is that? It smells amazing," she mentioned, her eyes catching mine in the mirror. I stared back at her in shock, surprised that she was attempting small talk with the girl she just caught bathing in a public restroom.

I shook my head, hoping to clear it if somehow I'd begun imagining this entire conversation. Nope, she was still there, patiently awaiting my answer.

"Umm…some…uhhh…cheap fruity brand," I stammered lifting up the bottle for her to see. "Suave or something," I shrugged, reading the label before tucking it back in my bag. When I looked up again she was still looking at me, smiling kindly.

"Do you mind if I ask why you were washing you hair in the sink?" she asked quietly, her hands wringing together in front of her.

Different excuses ran through my head. _'Oh they're working on the water lines at our house' _or _'I forgot to wash it this morning, and I'm about to go out',_ or my personal favorite, _'Nothing get's the grime out of my hair like McDonald's chlorine filled tap water'_. But, in the end, I decided I didn't want to lie or make fun of my situation so I went with the truth.

"I'm kind of homeless," I answered, my voice cracking. I cleared my throat and continued. "I had nowhere else to wash it."

"Where have you been staying?" she asked while taking a single step towards me, seeming genuinely interested, though I didn't have a clue as to why she would be. She just stood there looking at me with those questioning eyes, fidgeting with her top while she waited for me to respond. I couldn't quite figure her out, but decided to answer her anyways.

"An abandoned warehouse a couple blocks away," I answered with a shrug, acting like it wasn't any big deal at all for me to admit out loud — like it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. "My friend and I are headed up north sometime today though. He's going to try to find a job and somewhere for us to stay," I explained, trying to sound cheerful and not focus on my sob story. Strange as it was, I was sort of beginning to enjoy speaking with someone other than Jasper.

She was silent for a few moments before speaking again, her voice quiet but hoarse, as if holding back emotion. "When was the last time you had a real shower?" she asked, catching my eye once again.

I thought back to the last time we stayed at a motel over five months ago. The carpet had been faded and stained, the paneling cracked and puckering away from the walls, and there was mold overtaking the caulk lines between the tiles that no amount of bleach could expunge. But the shower — the shower had been warm and inviting, a small piece of heaven that has long since been missed.

"Since February. That was the last time we could afford a motel room," I admitted, meeting and holding her gaze.

It was really strange for me, talking with someone other than Jasper, looking them in the eye as I spoke as if they really cared what I had to say — like I really mattered and I wasn't just another dirty piece of trash that someone had to sidestep on the sidewalk so they wouldn't soil their new designer shoes. Because to most, that's what Jasper and I were — pieces of dirty trash that served only as unwanted constant reminders that suffering and despair existed in the world in severity much greater than disliking your job, or not having enough friends, or, god forbid, not having enough money to buy something you _wanted_ rather than _needed_ after paying your rent.

Constant ugly reminders that normal people passed on the streets without a second glance because they were too wrapped up in their own self-absorbed ideations of what made their lives imperfect to bother acknowledging the truly less fortunate they passed by daily. Because acknowledging them — the ones who would be happy to have a job they hated just because it would enable them to put a roof over their heads even if it was completely empty beneath that roof — would mean they'd have to acknowledge that what they felt was so terribly wrong with their own lives, wasn't truly that bad after all.

"Oh Bella, I know how you feel," she soothed, pulling me into a hug that I awkwardly returned, still stunned by her words. "Well not exactly…but my brother and I don't have a home either. We stay with friends or sometimes grab a motel room when we have enough money. I don't think I could handle actually living on the streets," she admitted, a small shudder working its way through her body.

"You mean you're homeless, too?" I asked as my eyes flickered to take in her form once again, completely surprised at her admission. You wouldn't be able to tell from looking at her. She was wearing expensive looking clothes, the colors vibrant with no signs of extensive use. My own clothing was most obviously well worn, faded and torn in several places.

"Well, yeah I guess you could call us that. I prefer to think of us as more like _hometown drifters_...if that's even a real thing?" she asked shaking her head and laughing at her own term. "My brother and I always stay here in the city, but we drift from place to place each night," she explained with shrug, trying to act nonchalant about her admission just as I had.

I didn't know what to say, because really, what do you say when someone tells you something like that? So instead of embarrassing myself with a lame 'that sucks' response, I stayed silent, waiting for her to make the next move.

"My dad threw me out shortly after I turned eighteen," she began after a few moments, shaking her head humorlessly. "I got mixed up in the '_wrong crowd_'or whatever. Screwed up one too many times for them to bother with me anymore, I guess. Haven't seen or heard from them in nearly six months. Now it's just me and my brother."

She prattled off this information emotionlessly, ending it with a shrug as if it didn't really matter, as if the words she'd just spoken hadn't cut straight through to her heart. But I knew better. I knew exactly what it felt like to have a parent turn their back on you. So I did the only thing I could do, I pulled her in for a hug. Not out of some ridiculous feeling of pity, but because I knew that sometimes you just need to know that someone genuinely cares.

I didn't ask her to expand any further on her story, though I wondered what it was that could have been so bad that they'd completely turned their backs on their daughter. All I knew was from the moment I'd met her, Alice seemed genuinely kind and nonjudgmental, so when she asked me to join her and her brother for lunch and to accompany them back to where they were staying to take a _real _shower, I couldn't help but agree — to the first offer at least. And as long as Jasper said it was okay, I would definitely be taking her up on the second offer as well.

When we left the bathroom, I saw Jasper sitting at a corner booth with our food laid out on the tray in front of him. I pointed him out to her before she went to find her brother so they could both join us.

"Who was that?" Jasper asked, his eyes focused behind me as I slipped into the booth opposite him.

"Alice. I met her in the bathroom," I explained, unable to control the wide smile that made its way across my face when I said her name. I saw the corner of his mouth rise, though he was trying to fight back a smile. Only the smile wasn't directed at me but rather at the black haired girl visible over my shoulder.

Over a minute had passed since we'd walked out of the bathroom together, yet his eyes were still fixed on her, not having given me a second glance. I'd never seen Jasper so taken by the looks of a girl before and I wasn't exactly sure how I felt about it. Sure we had never been anything more than friends, but I still felt slightly territorial. I'd never had to share his affection before.

"She walked in on me washing my hair…and she said if I wanted to I could come back to her place and have a real shower," I explained, waiting for him to turn his attention back to me. "She and her brother…they're sort of like us," I added tilting my head trying to catch his eye.

"They don't have a home, but they're staying with friends. She said no one would mind if we came back there for a bit." I was starting to get aggravated with his lack of attention. This was really important to me. I really liked Alice, and I wanted to get to know her better.

"I really want to go Jasper," I stated raising my voice slightly in annoyance.

"Are you even listening to me?" I huffed, slapping my palm on the table in frustration. Startled by the sound, he finally turned to face me.

"Yeah sugar, we'll go if you want," he simply stated before digging into his food.

A few moments later Alice came up to the table with her tray of food and a guy, I assumed to be her brother, in tow. Glancing over her shoulder I saw the same unruly bronze hair and rich emerald eyes that I'd caught sight of in Wal-Mart the day before. I quickly averted my eyes back to Alice who was looking between me and Jasper, waiting expectantly.

"Alice, this is Jasper," I said waving my hand in Jasper's direction. "Jasper, Alice." As soon at their eyes met they were lost in one another. It seemed Jasper wasn't the only one instantly smitten.

I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable with the awkward silence as Alice had yet to introduce me to her brother who was still standing behind her. Unlike me, he seemed unfazed by lack of introduction and proceeded to roll his eyes at his sister as he slipped past her unmoving form and slid into the booth beside me.

"Hey," he said with a smirk as he turned towards me, his vibrate green eyes catching my own. "I've seen you somewhere before."

_Oh god, he _had _noticed me staring at him the day before. Great. And now he must think I'm some sort of gaping idiot because here I am staring at him yet again. _

I looked away, blushing furiously as I wiggled closer to the window, wishing I could disappear altogether. I took a sip of my soda, using any excuse I could think of to avoid having to interact with the guy beside me.

Choosing to drink a carbonated beverage while under distress turned out to not be the smartest choice of diversions as I ended up choking on the fizz, drawing even more attention to myself in the process.

And then, as if I'm not enough of a spaz already, he had to go and give me a helpful pat on the back. Only his touch sent some sort of bizarre shock of electricity through my body which caused me to jump, banging my knee on the underside of the table in the process.

"You alright?" he asked from beside me, his voice a mix between amusement and concern. I could do nothing but nod, refusing to come out from behind my hiding spot beneath my hands.

"Get up," Jasper growled and the live wire that had been previously resting on my back slipped away only to be replaced moments later by the calm soothing touch of my best friend.

"Are you okay doll face? I'm so sorry I wasn't paying attention," Jasper whispered into my ear softly enough that our present company wouldn't overhear. I took a deep breath, trying to gather myself. The last thing I needed was some misunderstanding that Edward had upset me — not that he didn't make me uneasy, but certainly not in the way Jasper was thinking. It wasn't uncommon for me to freak out around people, men in particular, but that wasn't the case with Edward.

I peeked out at Jasper from behind my hands, allowing him to read that I wasn't upset, just merely embarrassed at the situation. A wide smile overtook Jasper's features as he finally allowed himself to laugh at the situation, which would be rather entertaining so long as you weren't the spaz in the corner making a fool of yourself.

I couldn't help but start to giggle myself when I heard a rather obnoxious snort from across the table followed by a tinkling laughter that could belong to none other than Alice.

"Oh my god…Bella…your face…it's so _red_," she stammered out amongst her giggles.

"Shut up," I muttered holding my hands over my cheeks as if that would somehow reverse the blood flow.

After my glorious tension breaker, conversation flowed seamlessly at our tiny table. I learned my eye candy across the way was named Edward — though after my first encounter with his dreamy eyes, I decided it was best for my health if I just avoided catching them again. I wasn't being rude by any means, I would have answered had he ever directed a question in my direction, but he wasn't much of a talker. Instead he just leaned back in the booth and took it all in while Alice, Jasper, and I all took part in the classic get to know you questions — not that our small town tales even compared to the upbringing they'd had.

Our childhood vacations consisted of camping out in a tent down at La Push beach where they'd spent theirs in log cabins overlooking the Rocky Mountains. It seemed the fine art of roasting marshmallows on a stick while dancing around an open flame was something Alice had not been privy to. Some of my fondest memories were from on that beach — something I wouldn't change for all the money in the world. Surprisingly enough, Alice seemed wistful over our stories, acting as if we'd had some sort of blissful familial upbringing…_ha_.

Alice didn't throw herself at Jasper as I had seen many a girl do so in the past. Other than the lingering stare they shared upon initially meeting, I wasn't uncomfortable at all in their presence. Alice engaged both Jasper and I equally, making an effort to really get to know both of us. It seemed for the first time in my life I had actually found a girlfriend — a girl my best friend seemed taken with as well.

"You guys should come stay with us for a while," Alice blurted out as we were dumping the trash from our trays into the receptacle. I furrowed my brow in response. We'd already agreed to go back to their friend's apartment. "I mean of course come and get a shower and stuff, but I'm sure Mandy and Kyle wouldn't mind if you wanted to stick around for a few days…they have people crashing there all the time, ya know?"

"Alice, let's not get ahead ourselves," Edward's voice rung out from behind me, sending a shiver down my spine. Not because it freaked me out, but because his voice soft like velvet, his tone rich and smooth — nothing like Jasper's bouncy southern twang I was accustomed to.

I couldn't help myself from turning around to face him, curious what he meant by his words. Did he not want our company? My worry and apprehension must have been evident on my face because he smiled at me before going on the explain that they should check with the owners of the place before handing out invitations to crash at their pad.

I couldn't help the grin that overtook my face. Not only did I have a newfound friendship with Alice, but it seemed Edward approved of me as well.

Alice and Jasper had already exited the glass doors while Edward stood holding out the door and waiting for me, watching me curiously. I gave him a tentative smile as I slipped past him and headed towards the back of the building to the bike and tossed my bag in the basket beside Jasper's.

The four of us set out down the road towards their friend's apartment that was just a few blocks away. The sidewalks were kind of narrow, and there wasn't enough room for me to walk beside Jasper as he was already talking adamantly with Alice and his bike took up what little space was left beside him. Edward easily fell into step beside me, adjusting his much longer stride to move in time with my own shorter ones.

I glanced sideways at him, nervous by his presence but more than anything I wanted to talk to him, to hear that voice again. He had been so aloof during lunch that I wasn't really sure what to say to him so, instead of embarrassing myself, I just stayed silent. Of course that didn't stop me from stealing glances, trying to play it off as if I was merely taking in our surroundings. I wasn't nearly as stealth as I thought though, because the third time I did it, I was met with his head turned towards me and his eyes staring down at me, a hint of curiosity and amusement dancing in their depths.

_Well at least he's entertained and not appalled by my blatant staring tendencies…_

Also, it seemed he had no problem engaging me in actual conversation. While I sat there formulating options for an appropriate conversation opener, he blurted out the most random question.

"If you could wish for any one thing in the world, what would it be?"

I couldn't help the snort that came forth in response to his ridiculous question. I mean really, how random could the guy get? He knew absolutely nothing about me yet the first thing that pops into his head to ask is some crazy theoretical question? What did he expect me to say? That I wished for a million dollars? I'm not really a fantasize about things that would never come true kind of gal.

When I looked back at him I found him staring at me without a trace of humor on his face.

"Well…" he prompted with the raise of his brow. Apparently he was actually expecting a legitimate answer.

"Umm…well I guess I would wish to go back and get my high school diploma," I answered honestly. It always bothered me that Jasper gave up his own education in hopes that I would at least finish school, and then just when I was only a few months away from graduating, I had to drop out, too. Now, even if I did somehow manage to get off the streets and back to school, all that would be awaiting me would be a G.E.D.

Edward's pace had nearly stalled all together. I looked over to find him staring at me with a perplexed look on his face, his head quirked to the side. I shrugged, not really sure what it was about my answer that would confuse him.

"Huh," was all he said as his brow furrowed further.

I couldn't help the blush that rose to my cheeks at his response to my answer. I guess I should have gone with the _'I want a million dollars'_ reply. Instead, I came off sounding like a complete idiot for wishing for a stupid piece of paper with my name printed in some cheesy elegant font. Pretty lame to most people I suppose.

"What's with the blush?" he asked, having stopped walking altogether. I looked away quickly trying to hide my face. "Tell me," he pushed gently.

I looked up at him, biting my lower lip, a nervous habit I formed long ago. I felt so completely stupid and put on the spot so it was no surprise to feel the light prickle of tears behind my eyes. Thankfully, upon seeing my tortured expression he broke our eye contact and didn't push me any further on the matter.

Apparently Edward was only the strong silent type in a crowd because not even a minute passed before he was talking to me again.

"How old are you?" he asked. At least this was a question of the normal get to know you variety — one I could answer without feeling like a complete idiot afterwards.

"Seventeen," I replied as my eyes darted between his green eyes and his lightly bronzed hair shining in the sun. "You?"

"Twenty," he responded, kicking a small rock ahead of him in our path.

_Three years. Not that much older than me. It could work. _I thought before mentally slapping myself. I had to keep my mind from wandering down _that _path. There was no way a gorgeous twenty year old man would ever be interested in a homeless seventeen year old girl with way more baggage than any one person should possess.

A gust of wind whipped the stands of hair I had tucked behind my ears loose, but before I could catch them Edward had already reached over and tucked them back into place. That rippling live wire effect swirled back into place as his thumb brushed gently at the sensitive skin just below my earlobe.

I didn't dare look into his eyes, knowing I was most likely going completely crazy imagining some sort of energy flowing between us when we touched. The second he removed his hand from my face, I did the only thing I could do — I ran. Well, technically it was more of a speed walk in an effort to catch up to Jasper who was easily twenty paces ahead of us by this point.

When I slid in next to Jasper, he looked over at me and immediately wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his side before turning his attention back to whatever Alice was talking about. I glanced back over my shoulder to see Edward still walking several feet behind us with his hands tucked in his pockets, seemingly deep in thought. I felt bad for leaving him there, but I just wasn't comfortable around him. He made me nervous — in a good way I suppose, but nerves are nerves and there's only so much of my own awkwardness I could handle before wanting to flee and return to the safety of Jasper's arms.

I tried not to eavesdrop on the conversation between Jasper and Alice. I really wanted to give them their space to pursue whatever it was that was going on between them. Jasper had put me first for far too long now. He deserved a chance with Alice, if that's what he wanted. So instead of joining in on their conversation I stayed silent, letting my thoughts wander.

Alice's outgoing personality was so opposite of my own, yet we were alike in more ways than I ever thought possible. Neither of us let our lifestyle get us down, instead choosing to make the best of the cards we'd been dealt. The truth of the matter was that both of us had been dealt a hand where our parents turned their backs on us — although she did seem bitter when mentioning her parents earlier in the restrooms. How could she not have been resentful of her father for having thrown her out of the house? A father is supposed to care about his daughter, unconditionally. Not hurt her by turning his back on her — or worse.

_Sleepless nights listening to Charlie yell at the empty house in his drunken stupor hoping he'd be too trashed to stumble up the stairs and, for once, unleash hit pent up anger on a wall rather than me. _

_Sitting in the corner of the living room while he threw the glass ceramics at me because they reminded him of my mom._

_Cleaning up blood stains on the carpet on the nights I couldn't seem to dodge him in the halls…_

I was broken out of my thoughts by Jasper calling my name. "Bella? Are you okay?" he asked holding my face in his hands.

My eyes were watery, but thankfully he'd brought me back before I'd lost it. I looked up and nodded, blinking the tears away.

"We're here. Come on," Jasper said, grabbing my hand to follow Edward and Alice up the steps of the apartment complex. Edward rapped on the door two times before opening it and walking on in. Alice and Jasper followed with me trailing behind, holding tightly to Jasper's hand with both of my own.

The front room wasn't that big, but there were two couches full of people, and even more were standing by the wall talking. Beer cans were scattered around and an empty pizza box on the coffee table. The furniture looked like mismatched hand me down, and the carpet was slightly stained. Still it looked heavenly compared to our warehouse.

Edward had stopped in the middle of the room to greet a few of the people in the room. Looking around once more, my eyes were drawn to one of the couch legs that had duct tape wrapped around it. I noticed a plate sticking out from under the couch with some white powder and a straw laying on it. The guy sitting there must have seen me staring because he kicked it out of my view.

"Come on, I'll show you to the bathroom," Alice said, grabbing my arm to guide me through the room. I looked back and saw Jasper talking to Edward so I pulled on his hand to get his attention.

"Come with me," I asked quietly, overcome with nerves from being in a strange place with bunch of people I didn't know.

"Of course," he answered, following Alice and I down the hall. The rest of the apartment was much like the first room. The carpet looked worn and the walls needed some new paint, but overall it was still pretty decent.

"Here is the bathroom. The towels are in the closet along with the wash clothes. Mandy said to help yourself to her shampoo and stuff," Alice explained as I followed her in and looked around. It was actually a lot cleaner than I had expected. The shower curtain was light blue as were the other bathroom accessories. At least whoever lived here cared about hygiene and the cleanliness of their bathroom.

Beside me Alice was waiting expectantly, staring at Jasper who had followed us into the bathroom but was blocking her exit. "Jasper do you want to join me in the kitchen for something to drink?" she finally asked.

Before I could open my mouth to protest he replied, "No. I'm just going to stay in here with Bella." Alice raised her eyebrows looking from him to me but said nothing as she shrugged past him and closing the door behind her.

I turned to hug Jasper, resting my head on his chest. "Thanks for not leaving me alone," I murmured as his arms wrapped loosely around me.

"Anytime doll face. I'll always be here when you need me," he whispered softly into my hair before pulling away. "Now get movin' young lady. I'm dying to be reminded of what a hot shower feels like."

"Yes sir," I laughed, giving him a mock salute before digging in my bag to pull out my shampoo, body wash, and razor. Jasper turned around to face the door as I got undressed and slipped into the steaming shower.

"So, Alice and Edward seem nice," Jasper called out a few moments later, probably perched on the toilet seat from the sound of it.

"Yeah they do," I agreed, rinsing the shampoo from my hair for the second time today. "Thanks again for letting me come back here with them."

I could hear his chuckle from behind the shower curtain. "It wasn't just for you. I plan on taking full advantage of that shower."

I washed myself quickly, not because I wasn't thoroughly enjoying the shower, but because I'd never been one to linger in the shower. Besides, I wanted to make sure there would be plenty of hot water left for Jasper.

As I was rinsing off the suds off my body, a bottle of conditioner sitting on the end of the tub caught my eye. I hadn't actually bothered with conditioner for well over a few months now because it was just another added expense we couldn't afford. But Alice _had _mentioned I could use Mandy's stuff so I figured why not and gave in to my urge to squeeze a dollop into my palm.

"Edward talked to Mandy, the chick that owns this place…said it was cool for us to stay here for tonight. Do you think you'd be alright with that?" Jasper asked while digging around in his bag from the sound of it.

"Yeah, definitely. Alice talked to me about it back before we left the restaurant," I called out as I tipped my head backwards into the shower stream to rinse the conditioner from my hair.

"Are you sure you're comfortable being around all these people though? I mean I won't leave you alone for a second, but I just want to make sure," he asked again as I was shutting off the water.

"Jasper I'll be fine, I promise. You're too good to me. I know you'd never let anything happen," I said peaking out at him from around the shower curtain, offering him a loving smile. He really was the perfect best friend, more than I could have ever asked for. "Now could you hand me my towel," I asked wiggling my fingers at him.

While Jasper showered I brought up the possibility of running with Edward and Alice on a more permanent basis.

"Isn't it a bit early to suggest something like that being as we all just met?" Jasper questioned. Apparently he was all for a single night, but anything beyond that seemed questionable to him.

"I guess...I don't know. Something about this whole situation just feels right, don't you think? I mean, look at how easily we've all become friends already," I pointed out, hoping he'd be more open minded about it. He always felt like it was solely his responsibility to take care of me. I knew he'd done the best he could thus far, but we needed help. I wished he would admit that we weren't exactly in the position to be turning it down. "Please Jasper, at least think about it?"

"I've been taking care of you on my own for years now, and I'm not about to let us become a bunch of freeloaders," he snapped as he was shoving his shower stuff back into his bag.

"I'm sorry," I muttered staring down at my feet, immediately felt guilty for pushing him on the topic. I didn't mean to make him think I wasn't grateful for all he had done for me.

"No, I'm sorry, Bella," he sighed pulling on my arm so I would look at him. "You're right. Alice and Edward are great, and we'd be stupid to turn down they're help. I'll talk to Edward and see if we can work out some sort of arrangement til I can find a job," he assured me giving me a small smile.

"Thanks," I answered with a smile of my own.


	6. Chapter 7

**AN :**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

EPOV

Alice and I eventually did the fireworks at the lake during some part of the fucking night. That place was packed with drunken idiots stumbling all over the fuckin' place, kids screaming and crying at the loud booms echoing through the air, and retarded parents frantically searching for said children because they were too stupid to keep their fucking eyes on them at all times. After all of an hour, Alice and I retreated and managed to get some old homeless guy to buy us a six pack of beer. I threw him ten bucks in hopes that he'd buy some food with it, but as expected, he bought himself a giant fucking bottle of cheap ass whiskey to drown out his own hardships for a night or two.

That was the type of fucking shit that you saw day in and day out of this fucking place. People whose addictions landed their asses out on the streets, and instead of fucking learning from it, or even fucking acknowledging what led them to hitting rock fucking bottom, they continued to feed the addiction. Nurturing it, using it to fucking escape from the truth of their lives whenever and however fucking possible. It didn't matter if you were only a fucking alcoholic before you hit rock bottom. Once you were fucking down there, it was no longer a matter of preference but one of pure fucking desperation. Desperation to escape your surroundings, to escape your past, present, and fucking future...to escape your fucking life. Whatever granted you that temporary solace became your substance of choice...if only for that single fucking time span while you were under its influence.

In the form of a ten dollar fucking bill, given to him to commit a legitimate fucking crime, that man's solace and escape for the night came to him by means of a cheap ass bottle of fucking whiskey. Perhaps tomorrow it would be a rock of crack that he fucking lights up with a fellow street walker, or perhaps tomorrow may never fucking come at all for him. And beyond that even still...perhaps that's just what he fucking hopes for.

When we got back to the motel, we drank our beer and smoked a pinner joint to get a slight buzz. Not enough to have us shitfaced either way, but just enough to relax and find our own fucking escape from our hellishly fucked up lives for a few hours. Going to sleep that night, I never would have thought that the following day would be the marking of when my fucking universe flipped on it's axis yet again. The day that Bella and Jasper came into our lives marked the fucking beginning of the end for all of us.

I can't even begin to describe what went through my head when I spotted that fucking tall lanky kid, from just the day before at goddamn Walmart, in line at that shitty ass fast food restaurant that I had taken Ali to. When she came out of the bathroom a half hour later with the same fucking mahogany brunette, I about shit my fucking pants. All I could think about was if that kid was seriously her fucking boyfriend...I was really going to have to rethink one of my goddamn rules because she had caught my attention in a way that _no_ other fucking girl ever had. She was fucking beautiful...there was no other way to describe her. Words like cute, adorable, fuckable, hot, or anything like my fucking usual descriptions for members of the opposite sex just couldn't even fucking come close to being even remotely accurate.

I about died and went to goddamn heaven when Ali said that she had invited her to stay with us. Ironically fucking enough, at the same exact moment, I about died and went to fucking hell as well. Ali and I were barely fucking making it on our own, and adding two more mouths to feed, and bodies to shelter, was going to fucking kill me. I knew in that moment that if I couldn't get him in the fucking game with me to help provide for all of us, I was going to have to bite the goddamn bullet that I'd been avoiding for two years and start selling the hard shit full time. I had a method to my madness, and it made me beyond fucking uncomfortable to even _think_ about fucking deviating from it.

I had stayed away from selling the hard shit because it just seemed like the ones that dared to start selling that shit, ended up in fucking handcuffs quicker than they could find the fucking time to enjoy the profit. It was like the moment the shit was in their hands, and in amounts greater than what could be justified as personal use, there was a bright fucking beacon shining out of their ass just waiting for five-o to spot it. If you stayed the fuck away from it, your chances of remaining unseen and possibly ignored by the authorities multiplied exponentially. While some might find the idea of three hot and a cot livable, I fucking couldn't. I had a sister I needed to take care of, and being locked away behind bars for god knows how long wasn't going to fucking help me do that.

Once we arrived at the apartment, Alice showed them where the bathroom was, and I have to fucking admit I was a little fucking perturbed by the fact that they were showering together. It seriously made me fucking question if they were telling the fucking truth about thinking of each other as brother and sister. Who in the fuck in the late teens showers with their siblings? Sure Jasper had a slight fucking southern twang that came through his speech occasionally, but I highly fucking doubted he came from some backwoods are in the middle of the fucking country where the town motto was "Incest is best, put your sister to the test", and it took an entire fucking family, extended cousins and mixed blood relations included, to make a full set of teeth or some kind of fucked up bullshit.

After forty five minutes of them being holed up in the fucking bathroom together, I had to fucking piss like a motherfucking racehorse. I leaned against the wall with my arms crossed, fighting off the urge to pace back and forth in front of the fucking door in some fucked up version of a mix of dire curiosity to know what the fuck was going on behind the door and a five year old's fucking I can't hold it any longer pee-pee dance.

_Shit I gotta piss! What the fuck are they doing in there?!_

Finally the door fucking opened and I'm fairly fucking certain my facial expression silently asked both "What the fuck took so long?" as well as "Did you enjoy your pervy shower excursion with your 'sister'...or so you say," as I locked eyes with Jasper. He shook his head minutely as they passed, silently telling me it's not what it looked like.

_Riiight...I'm sure you've never chanced a fucking quick peek at that...just like I'm sure I have a winning fucking mega millions lottery ticket in my goddamn back pocket just waiting for a fucking rainy day... I thought as I pushed myself off the wall and entered the bathroom where I was nearly assaulted by the lingering delicious scent of strawberries...and a mix of man soap that did nothing but force me to bite back a groan knowing he had been fucking lucky enough to be in those close quarters with her while she'd been standing naked in the shower next to me. _

_Fuck man...if you didn't peek you're a fucking tool...she's not really your fucking sister..._

When I came out of the bathroom, Alice, Bella, and Jasper were in the kitchen cracking open a few beers. Even though I fucking _hated_ the idea of Bella getting shitfaced, Jasper seemed to be perfectly fucking okay with it. I had never really had a choice when it came to Ali. She had started partying hard _years_ before she ended up out on the streets with me. I had tried to stop her repeatedly before I had left home, and had fucking failed at every turn to veer her away from who she had become, which was why his laid back acceptance of what she was doing irked me straight down to my motherfucking core.

I didn't want Bella to start walking down that same fucking path. She was too innocent, too untainted and unmarred by the life that she had lived so far to throw everything away. I realized that about her on our walk back from the toxic dump of a restaurant where our paths had somehow fucking managed to cross for the second fucking time in two days. I had reached out and tucked a stray hair behind her ear and she blushed pure fucking crimson and all but ran away from me when I asked her why she blushing.

If any one of us could have made it out of the shit storms that were our lives, she could have and I _knew_ it. Deep down within me I _knew_ that she had what it fucking took to get off the goddamn streets. She hadn't been jaded or fucking corrupted by the lifestyle we led. She hadn't become fucking cynical and pessimistic like so many of us had, and _that's_ what would have enabled her to get off the fucking streets. She had the hope, she had the determination, what she didn't have...was the fucking _chance_.

I grabbed a beer of my own and headed off into the living room with Jasper following behind me and sinking down into the opposite end of the couch. We did our own fair share of drinking, making small talk and watching the girls from our seats. I noticed that neither of us were getting fucking tanked the way everyone else around us was. I also noticed that his pathetic fucking excuse of a watchful eye was being split between both Ali and Bella and that pissed me the fuck off. It made me feel like I had to keep watch over both of them on my own, because frankly he hadn't been doing a very good fucking job at watching either of them since we had gotten to the apartment.

He didn't realize it yet, but he was aiming to play with fucking fire if he was thinking about getting involved with Alice. She would drag his ass so far down so quickly that he wouldn't even know how the fuck he got there once it was all said and done. I loved my sister with all my heart, but she was about as toxic as fucking cyanide when it came to the way she lived her life.

"So what the fuck is up with you two showering together?" I asked, trying to divert his attention away from my sister for a single fucking minute...as well as quench my irritating degree of fucking curiosity.

He snorted as he shook his head and smirked slightly at me, "It's really not what you're probably thinking." I quirked a brow at him in response, waiting for him to explain as he focused intently on the pop tab on his can where his finger was toying with it, making this incredibly fucking annoying _plink plink_ sound. After a series of moments, he finally ceased his avoidant behavior, and in perfect time too because I was about to knock the fucking can right out of his goddamn hands, and sighed as he tilted his head toward me.

_He's so fucking guilty...he totally fucking peeked...Shit I would have too..._

"It _really _isn't what you're thinking. Bella...," he trailed off as he looked up at her and sighed before looking back at me. "She gets nervous around people...especially men. She's been that way for a while now. That's why I stayed in there with her, and no I didn't fucking look at her naked. I had my back turned to her until she was in the shower."

_Huh...well that explains why she took off away from me on the walk over...doesn't change the fact that I know he fucking peeked...motherfucker...he might as well stamp Peeping Fucking Tom across his fucking forehead he's so goddamn transparent..._

"How'd you guys end up on the streets?" I asked, letting the topic drop. I was man enough not to call him out on it, especially knowing I wouldn't have been able to resist the temptation to look either. He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as he eyed me, silently questioning whether or not he should even fucking say a word about it to me. After a prolonged silence, and an almost fucking imperceptible nod, his gaze drifted to the coffee table and finally fucking opened his mouth.

"The full story is Bella's to tell, should she choose to, but in short...after her mother died, her father started...well...shit there's really no other way to describe it other than beating the shit out of her. She eventually came to live with me and my mother...but that's the main reason behind why she gets so nervous...well terrified really," he paused as his gaze shot back up to me. He was attempting to gage my initial reaction to what he'd said as his reason for needing to be in that bathroom with her to calm her fears while she showered became undeniably fucking clear to me. I'm no fucking tool though, and I've learned over my years on the street how to keep a solid fucking mask of cool and calm on my fucking face when I needed to, leaving him _completely _fucking unaware of the blazing fires that he'd lit under my skin.

How someone could raise a fucking hand to that girl and live with themselves fucking disgusted me. She was just so goddamn small and fragile and shit, just like Alice. I would have ripped a motherfucker's hand off if they dared touch my baby sister that way, and I wouldn't have hesitated to do the same for Bella either. You just don't fucking hit girls, not even the ones that can handle it and practically fucking beg for it. Regardless of how I was fucking seething and festering in my anger beneath the surface, I kept my mask in place, taking a sip of my beer, and leaving him completely oblivious to the rage building within me as he continued to speak.

"My mom split a year later and I tried to hold everything together while she finished school...but it all fell apart and we got evicted," he said as he shook his head. I knew what he was feeling in that exact fucking moment. _Failure_. I'd felt it thousands of times in my fucking life. I felt it _every _single goddamn fucking time I looked at my sister's face, or even just fucking looked around myself, and I had no fucking doubt that he felt it every time he looked at Bella.

"We stayed in motels until I was laid off when my bosses found out that I didn't have a permanent address any longer," he said, running his hands over his face in frustration. I nodded as I raised my can to my lips and chanced a quick peek at the girls.

"How are you guys getting by? What do you do to get money?" I asked, feigning curiosity to bring my thoughts away from someone _ever_ fucking laying a malicious hand on that poor girl sitting in the kitchen. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair as his shoulders slumped slightly.

"In the past I've done odd jobs for random people that were nice enough to offer. I've stolen at times when I couldn't manage to get my hands on some cash for food. Panhandled, pick pocketed people, shit you name it I've probably done it," he replied.

"Look, I'm gonna be straight with you, because fuck, really you two seem like decent people and Alice seems to have taken quite a liking to Bella," I said and he nodded as he tilted his head to look at me.

_Here we fucking go...Please dear god don't let me be making the biggest fucking mistake of my life so far. Let this kid be fucking trustworthy and not do something fundamentally fucking stupid that lands either one or both of us in a fucking prison cell or a coffin. I'm only fucking doing this shit so we can get off the streets quicker by working together..._

"If you stick around with us, I can help you get your hands on reliable cash flow, but you have to stick to the fucking rules that I give you. I can't get fucking busted and sent away or fucking killed because you get excited over having a roll of dough in your pocket. If you two stay with us, I'm gonna need help supporting all of us because I'm really not all that thrilled with the idea of fucking selling shit that will put a spotlight on my ass," I said, laying all my fucking cards out on the table.

I didn't like the idea of turning my back of them, only because I couldn't bear the thought of her spending another fucking night in some filthy abandoned building, like Alice had told me they'd been staying in while the two of them took showers. Unfortunately, if it meant keeping my ass out of prison for a while longer, than I knew I didn't really have a choice. I might have been able to take on one of them without tossing my ass into the deep end of the fucking cesspool, but not both.

He seemed to be conflicted over the matter, and I had almost gotten to the point that I was gonna say fuck it and plan a trip to see Jared the following day as my gaze flickered back to the fragile brunette who was laughing her ass off with Alice in the kitchen. One look at her and I was completely fucking unable to stick to my goddamn resolve in keeping my distance from selling the hardcore shit that I'd strayed from for so long, as images of her sleeping on a filthy fucking mattress surrounded by fucking trash and rats entered my head unbidden.

"I can't keep doing this alone with Bella. I can't keep letting her stay in rundown abandoned fucking buildings the way we have. What would I have to do? I can't say that I'll do it forever, but if it gets us off the streets long enough to where I can get another job I'll do it," he finally responded, pulling me from my raging inner turmoil and I heaved a sigh of relief.

"Same shit I do, sell drugs. I stay away from the really hard shit that the cops around here pay attention to. There's a fucking epidemic around here when it comes to heroin and meth. Stay away from selling those and they should ignore you as long as you're smart about what you do. Are you in or are you out? Because I'm not gonna sit here all night explaining this shit to you if you're not," I said, not bothering to beat around the fucking proverbial bush.

"What will happen with Bella if I get busted though? She needs me," he said and I put my almost empty can of beer down before turning toward him.

"Look, if you join in this, then we form an alliance. Should something ever happen to me, I need your fucking _word_ that you'll take care of Alice. I need you to do whatever the fuck you can to get all of you off the streets before you get busted as well. Same goes for me in regards to Bella should something happen to you," I said and he sighed as he looked at them before nodding to me.

"Alright...pay close attention. These rules will probably save your ass and keep you out of jail for quite some time if you follow them religiously. One, _stay away_ from the hard shit. Don't sell it, don't use it, and don't stay in areas where there are abundances of it. I choose where we stay nightly wisely. I never stay when certain people arrive because I know they carry enough shit on them to put my ass away for half my life if something goes down while I'm around them. As long as we're all together, you shouldn't have to worry about that while you're getting familiar with those faces."

"Two, don't ever sell out on the streets..._ever_. Only sell to people that you see regularly within the places we go to. Selling to unfamiliar faces opens you up to the possibility of selling to an undercover five-o and you'll fuck yourself before you even have the cash in hand."

"Three, don't stick around chit chatting with Jared when you pick up your supply and drop off his cash. Spend as little fucking time there as possible and try to go there as infrequently as possible. The fewer the people that see you around his house, the less the chances are of fucking cops being aware of your association with him. Never go there at the same time, or routinely on the same days. It looks too fucking suspicious."

"Four, don't _ever_ lose track of your stash. You lose his drugs and money, you lose your life. Don't trust _anyone_. Alice has fucked me twice now by stealing my shit. That means don't fucking trust Bella, and for the love of God try to keep her ass away from even touching the shit. Drinking is one thing, but getting involved with this shit is like suicide," I said and his expression turned from listening intently to a mix of confusion and anger.

"Bella doesn't do _drugs_, she never has. I have no reason to _not_ trust her," he growled and I smirked.

"I'm not saying she will, but should the day come where she does, that day becomes the day you stop fucking trusting her when it comes to your stash, end of story. Either accept it or find a different fucking way to help me support all of us," I said as I leaned back and crossed my arms.

His eyes flickered back and forth between the girls and me. I cocked an eyebrow at him as his eyes narrowed in on me and waited for his answer. If he couldn't accept it then I wasn't even going to bother helping him get his fucking hands on easy money when it would only be cutting into the shallow end of my fucking profits.

I wouldn't have even offered it to him if my clientèle base didn't expand past the walls of those apartments and shit. I had met tons of addicts over the two years I had been on the streets and I sold to them routinely. I rarely sold to the shitheads in the apartments we stayed in because they usually showed up with their own shit, and I wasn't a big enough douchebag to sell them more shit when they ran out. Someone had to tell those fuckers when enough was just fucking enough at some point.

"Fine, but I don't want her doing this shit. Why in the fuck would you let Alice do it?" he asked angrily and I laughed humorlessly.

"_Fuck_ dude, you think I _let_ her do this shit? I can't fucking _stop_ her from doing it. I've _tried_ man, trust me I've tried. I tried bringing her to rehab yesterday, and was even going to go through the program _with_ her. She stole my fucking car out of the parking lot and damn near finished off what I had left of my fucking stash with her shitbag friends. This is why I'm telling you that if Bella ever starts doing it, you _stop_ trusting her. I can't stop Ali from doing this shit...the best I can do is monitor how much she does, and even that is a losing battle because she's a fucking sneaky little shit. She'll wait until I go to take a piss and she'll down whatever she can before I come back out," I ranted with wild fucking gestures, feeling my temper rise in regards to our whole fucked up situation. I pinched the bridge of my nose and fucking squeezed my eyes shut tight as I tugged on my hair, willing myself to rein in my fucking temper before speaking again.

"Look, I'm not going to be able to _stop_ her until I can get her off these streets. I can't stop her when she's fucking surrounded by this shit daily. If we work together we can get them the fuck out of here, but it's gonna take time. I don't have an overnight solution, and from the looks of it neither do you, so until that day comes where we can leave all this shit behind, we have to work together to keep them in line," I said, hoping that with one more person helping me I'd be able to get Ali to slow the fuck down at the least. With any luck, not that I could ever fucking count on it, having Bella as a friend might make her _want_ to stay away from the drugs for once in her fucking life.

The biggest flaw in that theory was Alice's inability to give a flying fuck about who she was hurting when she was on the warpath, and I for one, did _not _fucking want Bella to _ever_ have to bear the brunt of her bullshit when someone needed to slow her down. Alice doesn't listen to reason, she doesn't even respond to gentle physical touch. There was _no fucking way_ I would _ever_ allow Bella to be the one standing in between Alice and her drugs. Whatever person stood there, needed to be able to physically take the hits that Alice threw without flinching or showing any kind of fear, and bear the burden of her cruel words without allowing them to penetrate their emotional armor. Over my fucking dead body would the person in that position ever fucking be Bella.

I chanced a peek into the kitchen and growled as I spotted Bella about to fall off her chair. I picked up an empty beer can and hurled it at Alice to get her attention. Her eyes snapped to mine and I pointed at Bella, to which she started laughing as she righted her on her seat. Sad part was, she'd probably only had a few beers and she was completely fucking lit. Alice was barely fucking buzzing by the looks of it, and so far it seemed that she wasn't touching anything that anyone else had on them. I hoped it stayed that way for the remainder of the night, but with Ali you could just never fucking be sure.

"So is that it on the rules, or are there more?" Jasper asked and I turned my attention back to him.

"Yeah one...don't let bitches pay for their shit with sex. It'll save you a whole lot of headaches in the long run," I smirked. He laughed and shook his head.

"I don't think I'll have a problem there. I haven't even really thought about that shit since my mom bolted and I had to focus on just keeping Bella and I alive," he said and it was my turn to laugh.

"Man, I see the way you've been looking at my sister all day. It's not that I don't like you or some shit, but I'm warning you now, she's toxic dude. Give it a few days and you'll see what I'm talking about," I said and he looked at me funny.

"She's like the fucking exorcist when she starts doing drugs. She'll be your best friend one minute, scream at you the next, start crying hysterically over fucking nothing, try to beat the shit out of you, and then go back to being your fucking best friend. She's psycho dude. If she wasn't my fucking sister I would have ditched her ass a long time ago and spared myself the fucking headaches," I ranted as he watched her curiously. I could tell he thought I was just feeding him bullshit because she was acting like a happy little fucking drunk at the time, not showcasing her demented drug induced psychosis.

_Give it time, fucker...You'll be running for cover when she flips the fucking bitch switch..._

I looked back over at them and smiled faintly as I saw them dancing together. They looked like they were having a good time, and thankfully neither of them were out of fucking control yet. Seeing Bella smile after hearing the kind of shit she'd experienced in her life made my jaded fucking heart swell slightly. I'd probably have given anything to keep that fucking smile on her shy and innocent face permanently.

It was in that moment that I realized, like Jasper, I was moving into dangerous fucking territory with how I was seeing her. Not because she was toxic or psychotic or anything, but because she was fucking _jail_ _bait_. She was only seventeen and I was twenty. Not to mention I didn't want to be the fucking douchebag that would taint her innocence. As far as I was concerned, I was nearly as fucking toxic as my sister. I was one of the last motherfuckers that she needed to get involved with.

"You want another beer man?" I asked as I stood from the couch. He nodded and chugged the rest of what was in his can before handing the empty one to me. The place we were staying in for the night was one of the cleaner ones we frequented, and I felt obliged to keep our fucking mess to a minimum. When I got into the kitchen, I grabbed Alice by the arm and pulled her with me to the fridge.

"Listen Ali, you need to be careful with her. Don't do drugs and shit in front of her because she's clean, and she needs to stay that way. She's too innocent to get pulled into this shit," I said sternly and she rolled her fucking eyes at me.

"Edward, _chill_. We're just drinking. I haven't touched anything else tonight and I wasn't planning on it," she said, slurring only slightly. I nodded and kissed the top of her head as I stood up and started to make my way back into the living room. Bella smiled up at me and I ruffled her hair playfully as I passed her getting her to giggle softly. I had just sat down on the couch when Kyle walked in the door and grunted as he looked around at the fucking mass amount of people lounging around in his apartment.

"Where's Mandy?" he asked as he looked down at me.

"Bedroom sleeping I think. She got pretty hammered earlier," I said and he nodded as he took his shoes off and tossed them in the closet.

"What have you been up to man?" he asked as he held his hand out to me. I grabbed it palm to palm with my fingers latched around his wrist and he slapped my hand with his other one quickly before we broke apart. It was our usual version of a handshake.

"Same shit, different day dude," I chuckled.

"Who the fuck are these people?" he asked as he pointed at the other couch where a few people were passed the fuck out.

"Fuck if I know, the girl on the end is Amber I think. They were all here with Mandy when we got here," I said and he nodded as he walked over to the couch and kicked two guys in the leg to wake them up.

"Up and out fuckers. This isn't a fucking motel," he said and they grumbled as they lifted themselves off the couch and stumbled toward the door.

Kyle always cracked me the fuck up with the way he tossed people out nightly. His place was one of the few that I could usually manage to get a decent fucking night's sleep because it was usually just Alice and I with them at the end of the night, and they were typically mellow people. Kyle drank and smoked a bit of pot, but he wasn't big on anything else. I usually tossed him a fucking dime or two when I crashed there just to keep us on amicable terms.

"Bro, this is Jasper, and the brunette with Ali is Bella, his sister," I said as I pointed them out. "They're crashing here with me tonight if that's cool with you."

"Yeah, it's all good dude. You know I got no shit with you staying here, and if they're with you then they're good enough people. You don't typically hang with the pieces of trash that try to walk out with my shit in the middle of the night," he chuckled as he held his hand out to Jasper.

"Good to meet ya man," Kyle said and Jasper replied in kind before Kyle plopped down on the other couch and flopped his head to the side to see the girl still assed out on the opposite end of the couch. He snorted and looked back at us as he jabbed a thumb in her direction.

"Apparently someone didn't get the memo," he chuckled as he tapped her on the leg with his foot. She cracked her eyes open slightly and looked at him.

"Morning sunshine! You've been evicted! Get the fuck out!" he said loudly with a bright smile. She rolled her eyes at him and slowly collected herself enough to trudge through the apartment and out the fucking door. Jasper thought that was rather goddamn amusing and chuckled his ass off as he watched her go. I just smirked and shook my head. I had already seen it too many times to fucking count.

"Edward man, you got a twenty sac I can buy off ya? I need to mellow the fuck out after working in that shit hole all day," Kyle said and I nodded as I pulled my bag off my shoulders and spun it around in front of me. I pulled out one of the bags of Chyme bud for him that wasn't laced with kitchen herbs and tossed it to him.

"Don't worry about it man. Consider it rent," I chuckled and he nodded.

"How long you guys stayin?" he asked as he pulled a box out from under the couch. Jasper watched on curiously as Kyle broke up the bud and started to pack it into a bowl.

"A couple nights if you're cool with that. I don't wanna wear out my welcome around here. This is one of the more comfortable places we stay," I said and he grinned as he nodded.

"You know you guys are more than welcome to stay as long as you need or want to. Mandy loves Ali and neither of you cause much trouble as long as Ali stays in line. How's she doin' by the way? It's been a few weeks since I've seen ya," he said and I grunted as I tossed my bag back over my shoulders and leaned back on it again.

"Same as before, crazy and out of control. She hasn't touched anything but beer today though," I said and he nodded as he lifted the bowl to his lips. I peeked into the kitchen to make sure they were keeping themselves busy for the time being. I wasn't about to ask him not to light up in his own fucking living room. I'd sooner head into the kitchen and divert their attention until he was done, but it didn't look like I'd need to. They were laughing and playing some kind of drinking game together at the moment, along with one or two other people at the table.

"Who else is in the kitchen besides Ali and her friend?" Kyle asked as he exhaled and smoke floated through the air.

"I think Dave and Becky. There were a few other people in there earlier but they left," I said and his brow pulled together.

"It's not Dickhead Dave is it?" he asked and I laughed.

"No...it's Dave from two floors up," I replied and he grinned as he nodded.

"I like that guy...he's funny as shit. You know he walked in here last night while we were partying, and when Steve introduced himself that jackass went "Hey Steve...I'm Dave and we're gonna be spoonin' later"," he chuckled and I cracked the fuck up. That sounded just fucking like him. He really was a funny fucker.

"Who the fuck is Becky though?" he laughed.

"His new girlfriend from what I gathered earlier," I replied and he smirked.

"Is she hot?"

"Eh...she's kinda cute," I chuckled.

"That bad huh?" he laughed and I tried to stop myself from laughing. He knew me too well. As jaded and fucked up as I was, I still managed to retain some degree of fucking gentlemanly conduct within me.

"Where does he find these chicks? Is there a fucking breeding ground somewhere around here for fugly?" he laughed and I chuckled as I shook my head. I had no fucking idea.

"Either of you wanna hit this shit?" he asked and I shook my head and looked at Jasper. He seemed to be slightly curious but he shook his head at him.

"Nah...we're good, bro. Maybe next time," I said and he nodded as he put it back in the box and slid it under the couch.

"Fuckin A dude, I'm starving. Wanna go halvsies on some pizza?" he asked. I nodded to him and tossed him a twenty out of my pocket. Jasper's eyes almost bulged out of his fucking sockets when he spotted the roll of cash I had pulled from my pocket.

"It'll get bigger dude. I just payed up and restocked yesterday," I smirked as Kyle wandered off into the kitchen to call in the order. He came back out a few minutes later, grinning as he grabbed his keys off the coffee table.

"She's a little cutie that one. Keep a good watch on her, you know all about the scum in these parts," he said as he looked between Jasper and I. I nodded absentmindedly as I looked in on them in the kitchen. I was gonna have my fucking hands full keeping the shitbags at bay if Jasper wasn't as quick on his feet as he needed to be.

_Fuck...I'm so screwed..._

"Bella's pretty lit...we should probably go in there with them," I said as I looked back at him. He nodded and we rose from the couch to make our way into the kitchen.

I grabbed another beer out of the fridge and tossed one to Jasper as he plopped his ass down in one of the kitchen chairs. Alice had managed to convince Bella to climb up on the table and dance with her, so I held my spot leaning against the counter just in case she fucking happened to lose her balance and fall or some shit. It was rather comical to see how she froze right the fuck up when she saw me watching them. I smirked at her, fucking _loving _the blush that crept up into her fucking cheeks as she started dancing. They danced for a while, and just as expected, she almost fucking fell off the table. At the exact moment that I shot forward to intervene, telling them that their impromptu dance floor was now closed for business, Jasper grabbed a hold of her and lowered her down to the floor.

While he was helping Alice down, I linked my arm with Bella's, holding her wobbling ass upright, and led her out to the living room. They'd had enough to drink at that point, and Kyle should have been back at any moment with the pizza. After retrieving Alice's bag from the car, they sat on the floor painting each other's nails and shit... horribly I might add... and talked amongst themselves. Jasper spent some time filling me in on some of the shit holes they'd frequented since hitting the streets, and each description of what they tended to call home sent a vicious fucking pang through my chest as I chanced glance after glance at her smiling, beautiful, blushing face.

_What in the FUCK does she keep blushing about? Jesus Christ I wish I was a fucking mind reader!_

After making sure that they'd had something to eat, and having to fucking drag both of them back out of the kitchen from where they had trying to chug some more fucking beer, Jasper and I laid them out on the long couch and took our spots sitting in front of it, leaning against it. Some of Kyle's friends had come back with him, and were coming in and out of the apartment. It wasn't exactly that they made me uncomfortable, as I had met them quite a few times before, but when it came to people that shared my fucked up world, I didn't trust a single goddamn fucking person...especially not when it came to the beautiful teenage girls that were sleeping behind us. If Mandy's friends hadn't been taking up the spare bedroom...I would have locked all four of our asses up in there for the rest of the fucking night and maybe, just fucking maybe, gotten a decent fucking amount of sleep for once.

I tossed Jasper one of the throw pillows from the other couch and we made ourselves as comfortable as we possibly fucking could as we settled in for the night, sitting on the floor, with our backs against the couch and our girls passed out on it behind us. We talked for a while longer about what our plans for the rest of the week would be, and I filled him in on where we would probably be going, and the kind of people we would be around. I warned him of the ones to watch out for, and told him that I'd point them out whenever we crossed their paths, and finally told him that at some point during the week I'd take him to meet Jared and get him started. By the time I fell asleep that night, I fucking _hated_ myself.

I fucking hated myself for dragging him into the shit I was so goddamn accustomed to because I wasn't fucking capable of supporting all of us. I fucking hated myself for allowing him to bring Bella into the nightmarish surroundings and around the fucked up people that we would undoubtedly encounter over the course of time. And most of all, I fucking hated myself for being the _exact_ type of fucking scum that would never be good enough for that small brunette haired blushing angel that was snoring lightly behind him.

_Fuck me...My life sucks..._


	7. Chapter 8

**AN****:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

BPOV

I was curled up on my side, laying in bed as I snuggled deeper into the warm fluffy comforter that was tucked beneath my chin. Quite a change from the thin smelly mattress and ratty old blanket I was accustomed to using for the past several months. I'm still amazed and endlessly grateful that Kyle and Mandy have opened their place up to Jasper and myself without so much as a second thought. They didn't know us. They'd just met us for goodness sake, and yet they'd allowed us to crash here for the past almost two weeks along with Edward and Alice.

Ahh Edward and Alice. Honestly the day we left that warehouse I never would have expected that the better things we'd hoped to find would have turned out to be the two of them. The bond between the four of us had formed so quickly it was startling to think about. For so long Jasper had been my only source of company in this miserable world, yet I'd never felt like anything was missing. He was home to me. So to meet not only one but _two _people who seemingly fit perfectly with us, was nearly impossible to comprehend.

The friendship that Alice and I had formed back in that dingy restaurant bathroom was instantaneous. I don't know, maybe it was the common circumstances we found ourselves in that made it so effortless. Whatever the case may be, I'd noticed the same immediate camaraderie between Jasper and Edward that first night as well so I know it wasn't just some fluke. Our lives had intertwined for a reason. I hoped that maybe, with the four of us working together, we could make it out of this mess.

Edward was taking Jasper job hunting again this morning. I don't know exactly what they were hoping to find for work, heck I still didn't even know exactly what it was that Edward did. I had tried to get it out of them last night, but I knew better than to question them once Jasper gave me _that look, _the one that tells me not to even try. Whatever the case is, I really hope Jasper is able to get a job soon. Edward had done so much for us already. Not only had he found a place for us to stay, but also he had been paying for all of our meals, not to mention the alcohol we had been consuming each night. I hoped that with a job, Jasper would soon be able to start paying for our half of the living expenses. Hopefully once things started looking up, he'd be less stressed and more willing to think about me finding a job as well. I hated that he always felt our survival fell solely on his shoulders. If we all worked together, we could be off the streets in no time.

"We'll be back sooner than you know it doll face." Jasper said, kissing my forehead. I smiled up at him and watched as he and Edward headed out the bedroom door.

Once they were out of sight I rolled over into the middle of the bed, hoping to catch another couple of hours of sleep before people started to file in and out of the apartment. After a few days here, I'd come to expect that kind of activity. I pulled my pillow closer to me and closed my eyes, once again soaking in the comfort of a warm place to rest.

"Hey Bella," Alice called from the other side of the room. I rolled over and watched as she pulled off her t-shirt from the night before and tossed on a tiny red tank top. I raised my eyebrows at her in question, too tired to form words since she had kept us up late with drinking games the night before.

"My friend Jess is here so I'm going to go with her for a bit. You'll be okay alone in here right? I won't be gone but ten minutes or so," she said turning to look at me, her bag already in hand.

I knew for a fact neither Jasper nor Edward would be okay with her leaving me alone in the apartment. The whole time we'd been staying here I noticed I had never been without one of the three of them by my side. Jasper knew the extent of my anxiety around strangers, men especially, and Edward seemed to have picked up on that as well. So truthfully, I was pretty positive they'd be pissed that she was even entertaining the idea of leaving me alone here, but I couldn't exactly say no to Alice for wanting to spend time with another one of her friends. She had a life of her own before we'd met, and she had been kind enough to look out for me so much as it was. These were my issues. Far be it for me to expect her to constantly go out of her way to accommodate my social inadequacies.

So instead of asking her to stay with me or at least let me tag along with her, I gulped back my anxiety and nodded my head in agreement and watched as she waved and turned to walk out the door, leaving me all alone.

The bedroom door didn't have a lock on it which only added to my wariness of the situation. I took another deep breath trying to calm my pounding heart.

_I trust Alice. _I scolded myself. _Besides, it would only be for a few minutes, right_?

With a sigh I rolled over a final time and tried to find sleep once again.

I woke up later in the day to a quiet empty room. I glanced at the clock on the wall and noticed that it had been nearly four hours since Alice had left. I figured that she must have returned, found me asleep, and gone out into the front room with everyone else. After changing my clothes and freshening up in the bathroom, I made my way out into the living room to join her. When I stepped foot through the doorway what I saw was a whole room full of people, a bunch of guys and one lone girl...who wasn't Alice.

My eyes scanned the room, looking at the bodies sprawled across the furniture, spilling onto the floor, recognizing a couple of people I'd seen on various occasions, but no one that I had actually spoken to further than exchanging pleasantries. The room was completely full of smoke. I noticed they had a few windows open, and a fan in front of one to help clear some of it out. Unfortunately the smoke was so thick it didn't seem to help at all.

Two guys around Edward's age were sitting on the couch staring at the TV with droopy eyes, playing Halo on the Xbox . They both had a beer in hand along with a several empty cans at their feet.

The other couch was filled with 3 guys, all with glazed eyes and huge grins on their faces as they listened the girl who was propped up on the arm of the couch. The blonde was telling them a story, cackling hysterically every few words, recalling the night before with a guy who apparently had trouble getting it up.

_Of all the things for me to eavesdrop in on... _

The next guy I recognized from seeing in the apartment the night before. I remembered him because his hair was really oily and in desperate need of a cut. He was propped up next to the couch on the floor with a plate in his hand full of powdery white stuff, scraping it around with what looked like a driver's license. He looked up at me and I noticed that some of the same powder was on his nose. I quickly looked away not wanting to maintain any duration of eye contact with him. _The last thing I want is for him to actually speak to me, or worse, offer to let me join him…_I thought, cringing on the inside and suppressing the shudder that wanted to rip through me.

Still standing in the doorway, I was breathing rapidly, my heart beating a mile a minute. I realized that I must have looked pretty freakin' stupid just standing there as felt my cheeks flush yet again, embarrassed at my incapacity to just act normal. I spotted an empty corner of the room I could shrink myself into so I shuffled my way over to it. As I settled against the wall I looked around the room once again at my present company, wishing Alice or Jasper or even Edward were here.

I thought about moving further into the room, maybe even pulling in a chair to sit along side the guys playing the video game. It would beneficial for me to attempt to actually socialize with people outside my comfort zone. I knew the only way for me to overcome my problems would be to meet them head on, yet my body didn't move an inch. Instead I stood frozen in the corner, wide eyed like a ninny, wondering if someone in the room would address me.

_God I'm such a wuss….I really need to grow some balls already._

A few minutes passed and no one had said a word to me. My will power crumbled as my nerves finally got the best of me. I turned quickly to retreat back into the spare room to wait for Alice or the guys to come home. Just as I turned down the hallway, I ran right into a blue polo clad chest. "I'm sorry," I said nervously, trying to quickly make my way past him but he stepped in my path and my eyes shot to his face.

"Don't be," he said, "I'm Mike who are you?"

I studied his face for a moment and noticed that he didn't really seem to fit in with the rest of the people there. His eyes were actually a clear bright blue. He had blonde hair and looked well groomed. His face was sort of rounded and smooth. I suppose he was kind of cute, in a boy next door kind of way. He looked nearly as young as me, maybe eighteen.

I offered a small smile and finally answered. "Bella."

"I don't think I've seen you here before. How do you know Kyle?" he asked, leaning against the wall.

"He's a friend of a friend," I responded hesitantly, my eyes darting around in every direction around us. Despite his friendly demeanor, being alone with someone I didn't know still made me uncomfortable.

"Yeah, same here. The only time I come around here is when I'm dropping off my ex, Jessica," he said with a smile. "Jess and I just friends though," he added.

I nodded, remembering that was who Alice had left with earlier. Knowing that we had mutual friends put me a little more at ease with him. _I can do this. Hang out. Have a normal friendly conversation with a guy…_I thought cheering myself on. Sliding down the wall, and settling in against it I stated, "Tell me about yourself Mike."

"I just graduated from high school and I'm planning on taking classes at Washington State this fall." He answered as he moved to sit down on the ground on the other side of the hall, leaning his back against the wall.

"Right now I'm still living with and working for my parents. They have a small outdoor sports shop and need an extra set of hands during the summer," he said with a shrug. "It's alright. I like having the extra cash, though I typically end up just spending it on gas driving my friends around Seattle all day," he laughed rolling his eyes.

"So tell me about you Bella." My eyes widened in panic when he said this_. _

_Aww crap. I should have seen this coming, had something prepared in response_. _It's typical for person to ask you about yourself when first meeting them. _

Any normal person wouldn't be freaking out at such a basic question so I did my best to compose my face and rattled off the first thing that came to mind. "I just graduated from high school as well. I'm going to take some classes as South Seattle Community College," I stated, knowing it was a blatant lie. "And I live with a friend," I said with a tone of finality, not wanting to offer any other information about myself.

He must have noticed my reluctance to talk about myself because he moved the conversation away from any more personal questions, for which I was exceedingly grateful. I wouldn't say I felt comfortable talking to someone, not outside of our little group anyway, but it was a lot easier to push myself to do so with Mike rather than any of the other people I'd met over the past two weeks.

We had been talking for nearly ten minutes when he suddenly asked me, "Are you seeing anyone?"

I nearly snorted. The idea of me being able to handle dating someone, let alone finding someone who'd actually want me would be laughable if it weren't so pathetic. "I'm not seeing anyone nor do I plan on it." I answered dejectedly.

He didn't push the topic and wisely returned to the safe topic territory we had been in before.

A few minutes later he was talking about something excitedly and had moved to put his hand around my arm. I stopped hearing his words the second his hand came into contact with my skin.

_Why was he grabbing me like that? I don't know him. Shit, this was a bad idea. I'm all alone in this this apartment. I doubt any of those idiots in the living room even know we are back here. They're probably too toked to even hear me scream._

I froze, my anxiety kicking in ten fold as my thoughts swirled into overdrive.

He didn't notice. His hand remained.

My present concerns were cut off abruptly by vivid flashes of my past.

_Strong masculine fingers digging deep into my skin. _

I flinched.

_Impact with the wall. _

_Throbbing. _

_Stinging. _

I panicked and jumped up off the floor.

_Scrambling up the steps._

_Pulling._

_Scratching._

I dashed into the bathroom.

_Footsteps pounded the floor behind me._

Slamming the door shut behind me I quickly turned the lock.

_Bang. Crack. _

_The wood splintered. _

_He's coming. _

_There's no escape._

I sank to the floor, pulling my knees into my chest as the screams threatened to rip out of me.

Vibrations against my back broke the dizzying pattern of swirling images of my past. Someone is knocking on the door.

"Bella, are you okay?"

_That's not Charlie...that's...that's Mike._

"I'm fine," I squeaked, and cleared my throat as I moved away from the door. "Can you just give me a minute?" I answered, though no longer squeaky, the words still came out strangled.

My hands ran through my hair, tugging at the roots, wishing I could stop the floodgate of memories that had been just been triggered.

"Yes," he mumbled, along with an apology for whatever he had done.

I wished I could find my voice to tell him he hadn't done anything wrong. He'd been nothing but a sweet guy. The problem was me. I knew was completely overreacting by hiding in the bathroom. However it was the first time I had been left completely alone in an apartment full of strangers, and when his hand wrapped around my forearm, I couldn't stop the memories of Charlie that invaded my mind.

Despite the return of rational thinking, the panic still remained. My chest was pounding and even though I was gulping down breaths, I didn't feel like I was getting any air. The room was spinning and my stomach was in knots as my body entire body started to tremble. As much as I tried to, there was no sense in fighting, it was a losing battle without Jasper by my side. I laid down on the bathroom rug curling into a tight ball, my arms grasping tight around my sides, feeling as though I would literally fall apart without them there to keep me together. I finally closed my eyes and just let the tears stream down my face, and fully gave myself over to the memories.

When I was able to regain my composure, I contemplated leaving the bathroom and moving to the spare room, but I couldn't take the chance that Mike might be waiting for me in the hallway. I just couldn't handle another conversation with him right now. I'd barely pulled myself together as it was. I decided to just stay put in the bathroom and waited for Alice or Jasper to come to my rescue.

After hiding behind the locked door for what felt like hours, I heard knocking. "Bella it's me, Alice," she said, her voice sounding slightly annoyed. "What the fuck is wrong?"

I cringed at her tone of voice, feeling guilty for my emotional breakdown. I quietly responded, "I'll be out in a minute."

I stood up, stretched, and took a quick glace in the mirror. I looked a hot mess…there was no other way to describe my appearance. My eyes were bloodshot and swollen, my cheeks stained with dried tears, and my nose was bright red and still runny. Embarrassed at my appearance, I blew my nose once again and turned the sink on to splash some cool water over my face. I dried my face and hands with the towel, pulled my hair back into a ponytail, smoothed out my shirt, and opened the door.

What greeted me on the other side of the door came as a complete shock. Alice didn't look like the Alice I was accustomed to seeing. Her eyes were bloodshot and her hair was messier than I ever would have thought she'd let it get. Her usual translucent skin looked even paler than usual and her slightly shaky hands were fidgeting with her shirt.

"Alice, are you okay?" I asked abruptly, taken back by the obvious difference in her appearance. I may have been naïve to a lot of what went on in the world, but I wasn't so stupid that I didn't notice the drugs that the people around us were doing. I just didn't think Alice was actually into that type of thing anymore.

"Yeah I'm fine," she answered, shrugging off my worried stare. "Why are you hiding in the bathroom? I told you I'd be back. Why couldn't you have just stayed in the bedroom until I got back?" She scolded, narrowing her eyes at me before looking back down the hall nervously.

Initially I had assumed she had spoken with Mike and that's why she was being short with me, but it seemed like she didn't know about my freak out and was merely upset that I left the bedroom.

"That was _hours _ago, Alice. I went out into the living room to see if you were out there., and you weren't." I defended myself. I'm not sure she even noticed my obviously disheveled appearance. If she did she certainly didn't address the issue. I'm not sure if I was grateful for the lack of interrogation or hurt by her lack of concern.

I followed her back into the bedroom and shut the door behind us. I headed over to the bed as Alice picked up the phone to call Edward, telling him to bring us back some food.

"Yeah we stayed in bed all day talking… No we're fine… Yes I swear… No I didn't do anything… Because I wouldn't do that after you told me not to… She's fine… Do you want to talk to her? I swear Edward... Okay fine… Yeah that sounds good… Okay, I love you too, bye."

She flopped down on the bed beside me after hanging up and smiled at me sheepishly. "Can you maybe not tell Edward I left today? I mean it's really no big deal, but I don't want him to worry. Nothing happened."

_Nothing. Sure Alice. I merely hijacked the bathroom all afternoon as my own secret hideout. Oh, and you did drugs._

I stared at the ceiling for a minute thinking about her request. I'd overheard Edward warning Alice to not leave me alone, and even though I found it annoying, I appreciated the fact that he cared. I knew he'd be mad at her if he knew what happened today, but he also needs to learn that it isn't her job to look after me, just like it isn't his either. The only person in this world whose job that was, chose to beat me instead of care for me. After that, the person who decided to take that job upon himself, and the only person I would allow to do so, was Jasper. Sighing, I looked back over at Alice and nodded in agreement to not say anything to the guys.

"Can I ask you something?" Alice asked bouncing her leg, causing the bed to shake. I didn't mind because after an afternoon of crying it was actually somewhat soothing and started to make me sleepy. I just nodded and yawned.

"Are you fucking Jasper?" she asked in a clipped tone, shooting me an accusatory glance. I didn't know what I'd expected to come out of her mouth, but it sure as heck wasn't that.

I shot up off the pillow, shaking my head, "No, no…ew, no." I repeated over and over as my face wrinkled in disgust.

Still not convinced she raised an eyebrow inquiring further, "Well, do you like him?"

"He's my best friend and the only family I have. I love him, but not in the way you're thinking. I couldn't think of Jasper like that." I explained, looking at her like she was crazy. I couldn't believe the short snippy tone she was using with me about this of all things. Me? And Jasper? Like I told her, ew. I knew she and Jasper were getting closer from all of the time they'd spent together already. They were always finding ways to be alone together or break off into their own little world while ignoring the rest of us. Never once had I tried to interfere, so this interrogation was beyond ridiculous.

She studied me suspiciously for a minute before nodding her head and jumping off the bed. "Hey want to go shower before the boys get back? I'll do your hair." She said excitedly, leaving all traces of accusatory glances and icy tones behind.

I agreed, trying to placate her, and grabbed my things as I headed towards the bathroom with a jumpy hyper Alice following behind. She sat down on the toilet seat like Jasper had done before while I hopped in the shower. She told me more about the places she'd visited when she was still living at home, and the various types of people she'd met from around the world. I was fascinated by the life experiences she had growing up. Even more so, I was astonished that when given the ultimatum by her parents she'd chosen to give all of it up for a life of partying and drugs.

Once I was finished and dressed, Alice blow dried my hair and put in two French braids leaving one small wavy strand that wouldn't cooperate hanging down. She was still acting a bit off the whole time, very jittery and still trembling slightly, but at least the tension between us from earlier seemed to have disappeared. I was relieved that whatever it was that had pissed her off before, seemed to have been forgiven and forgotten.

After she was finished with my hair, I headed back to the bedroom while Alice wandered back into the living room to hang out with the others. I figured I had pushed myself social limits enough for one day.

I sprawled myself out on the bed, staring at the ceiling, and counted the water stains above my head. I was so grateful for all of the changes that the newfound friendship with Alice and Edward had brought to my life. For nearly two weeks now, I'd had a warm bed or couch to sleep on, meals three times a day, a shower I could use whenever I needed to…a toilet as well. However at the same time, regardless of how thankful I am for the two of them, I can't help but feel lonelier than I ever had before.

I had gotten so accustomed to spending everyday alone with Jasper, but since we met Alice and Edward, there had hardly been any 'our' time for the two of us. I knew he was doing what he could to make sure I was taken care of. It really only made me love him more, yet I couldn't help the nagging feeling that he was slowly drifting away from me, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to give up my best friend yet. Between him being gone with Edward most days, coming and going at random intervals, along with all the time he'd been taking to get to know Alice when he was here, I felt as if I was slowly losing him. I wasn't jealous of his new relationship with Alice. No, I was happy for him to finally have found someone he wanted in that way. It was just that I missed him.

Alice came back into the room and was rummaging through her stuff, turning the bedroom into a complete state of disarray. I couldn't seem to figure her out. The first few nights we'd been here, we had all sat around laughing and getting to know one another. Alice and I had really hit it off and everything was great. Sure we all drank together most nights, but it wasn't really any different from when Jasper and I had done it in the past.

However these last few days, Alice began to act a little bit differently. Her kind and friendly demeanor towards me had started to fade little by little with each passing day. She was my friend, one of the only friends I had, and I couldn't figure out what was causing the change in her attitude. Sometimes she would just get snippy with me for no apparent reason. I wondered if it was my social awkwardness or my relationship with Jasper that was getting under her skin, but that just seemed silly. I hadn't acted any differently since the day we'd met, so why would her opinion of me suddenly change after a few days? I wish I could figure out what it was that had changed. I didn't want to ruin our friendship by constantly doing something that got on her nerves.

I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard the familiar voice of my best friend entered the room.

"We come bearing gifts darlin'." He said, sitting down beside me on the bed handing me a Styrofoam container of food. I smiled up at him excitedly and took the food from him. "Thanks Jazz." I exclaimed eagerly, opening the box to begin stuffing my mouth with food. He shook his head and laughed, then leaned over and placed a kiss on my hair, like he had always done in the past. That's when I heard Alice clear her throat.

"Aren't you going to say hi to the rest of us Jazz?" She asked coyly, standing across the room where she had been digging through her belongings.

"Of course," he said standing up walking towards her. "Hello Alice." He kissed her cheek and smiled at her as he pulled away. I wanted to scowl at her for acting so childish, remembering how she'd acted toward me earlier in the day when drilling me about my relationship with Jasper. Instead I fought it off and plastered a smile on my face before turning my focus back on my food.

Edward walked into the room, handing Alice her meal before he looked over at me and smiled in greeting as he sat down at the end of the bed, adjusting the straps of the backpack to get more comfortable.

I couldn't help but stare at the backpack. The backpack that I noticed he never took off. I mean _never _took off. As if wearing it around the apartment wasn't weird enough, he even takes that sucker into the bathroom with him. He even slept with it for God's sake! You can't tell me that's comfortable. It was like that thing was glued to him or something.

Edward must have notice me staring because he shifted his stance on the bed so that the backpack was all the way behind him, trying to hide it from my suspicious gaze.

Unconsciously I felt my position on the bed change as well, trying to get a better look at it. Alright, so it wasn't technically an unconscious movement. I wanted to know what the heck was so important in that bag that he felt the need to guard it so freaking closely!

_I wonder why he doesn't have a padlock or something on the zipper if he's that protective of it. I'd think that would make life a little easier on him, might be able to actually take the damn thing off once in while… I bet he's got some chaffing goin' on too. On his shoulders that is. Under his shirt…_

Momentarily my eyes wandered to his well defined muscular shoulders until Edward moved again, leaning his head to the side to get my attention. As my eyes met his, he cocked his brow, challenging me.

_Geez can I not even look at the bag? _

The western showdown theme music from one of Jasper's favorite Clint Eastwood movies popped into my head as I held his stare, raising my own eyebrow in return. You know the one I'm talking about… _wee ooo wee ooooo…wah wah wahhhhh_. I can't even begin to tell you how badly I wanted to just rip the damn thing off his shoulders right now to see what all the fuss was about.

_I mean if you didn't want people to stare, you shouldn't walk around wearing a damn backpack all the time. Does he not realize that his incessant idiotic attachment to that bag attracts attention? Quite honestly I'm starting to wonder if he has a mental illness we should be seeking him medication for._

I was pulled from my stupor when I felt the bed sink in beside me, and Jasper began tugging on the end of one of my braids. Edward dropped his stance in our stare down and pulled his wallet out to begin counting his money. This time I tried to look away since it was really none of my business, but I saw that he had what looked like a lot of money on him, and it made me wonder if they had found work. Jasper caught me looking and narrowed his eyes at me. I looked down quickly and finished eating, internally cringing at having been caught by him.

I knew everything was fine when I felt Jasper lean over, playfully bumping my shoulder with his. I stuck my tongue out at him, and he made a chomping noise with his teeth as he growled mischievously, pretending he was going to bite it off. I made a show of sealing my lips to keep him from doing so, and in return he started tickling my ribs causing me to laugh. It honestly felt good to be having one of our playful moments together, even though it struck a cord deep within me with how much I had missed being around him that way.

I heard Alice start to say something from the other side of the room, but before I could hear what she was saying, Edward had grabbed her arm and dragged her out into the hallway.

"Okay, okay I relent, stop!" I squealed when Jasper started doing raspberries on my tummy like a parent does a baby. I fell back on the bed while Jasper laid his head on my stomach.

"I miss you Jazz. I feel like I hardly get any time with you anymore." I said softly, massaging his scalp with my fingers. He tilted his head up to face me, his brows furrowed with a frown on his face.

"I know doll face, but I've been really busy lately trying to make money to support us. If I could be with you every second of the day I would." He explained with a sad smile mirroring my own.

"How about we plan a day to spend just the two of us? Some Bella and Jasper time, just like before?" I asked eagerly, truly missing spending time with my best friend. Before he could respond, we were interrupted by a screech from across the room."Oh my god! I _knew_ you were fucking lying!" Alice screamed from the doorway. I jumped startled by her sudden outburst."I asked you if you liked him earlier and you lied to me! I thought we were friends Bella." She continued as I cringed, curling into myself.

I opened my mouth to respond but was unable of find my voice, and instead my jaw began to quiver as tears started to form in my eyes. I didn't even know what I had done that had angered her so suddenly. It was the second time in a single day that I had apparently done something to get under her skin. She started stomping towards the bed angrily, but Edward grabbed her arm harshly to stop her.

"Alice shut the fuck up! You don't know what you're fucking talking about right now, so stop being such a bitch," He snarled, pulling her towards the hallway again.

"No Edward, look at them!" she yelled ripping her arm from his grasp. "She knows I'm interested in him and yet she's trying to keep him away from me. Poor little pathetic baby can't handle spending any amount of time away from him." She spat, mocking me in the most horrible way imaginable. When I opened up to her that first day, never once did I imagine she would throw my insecurities back in my face. I thought we were friends, just like she said.

Finally having heard enough, Jasper stood up from the bed and stalked toward her. "Hey listen okay? You asked me the same goddamn thing when we first started talking and I told you _nothing_ is going on between me and Bella. I love her, she's like a sister to me and nothing is going to change that. There is _no reason _for you to be acting this way toward her," he ranted angrily, pulling her towards the door.

As Jasper was moving towards Alice, Edward quickly came over, squatting down in front of me, wiping the tears I didn't even realize had fallen from my cheeks.

"I told you _not _to fucking get involved with her! But no, you couldn't fucking listen!" he yelled as he turned slightly toward their retreating figures. Jasper slammed the door shut and continued on with Alice, moving far enough down the hall that I could no longer make out what they were saying.

I sat on the edge of the bed, still frozen in shock at her outburst. Alice attacked me, hurt me in the worst way imaginable. How could she even think for a minute that I would lie to her. I'd been nothing but one hundred percent honest with her from the moment we'd met. I'd even told her things about myself, my past, my insecurities. I'd never told anyone aside from Jasper any of those things. I did my best to respect her. I didn't protest when she left today without me. I didn't rat her out when she'd lied to Edward. From what I could tell, I'd been nothing but a good friend, yet here I was on the receiving end of her wrath. I felt completely and utterly defeated.

Edward took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself I presume, before turning his gaze back to me.

"I'm sorry." I blurted out, my eyes searching Edward's. I wasn't sure what exactly I was apologizing for, but I didn't want to make him angry. I'd done enough of that already today without meaning to, so I figured it was better to apologize first just in case. The last thing I wanted was for us to have to leave as a result of something I did. I knew Jasper really liked Alice and even though she was treating me so terribly at the moment, I wanted him to be happy more than anything else.

"Hey, you don't have anything to be sorry about," he said softly as he wiped the remaining tears off my face. "Alice can be a bitch. I told Jasper that the first day we met you guys. She doesn't mean any of that stuff, she really does like you. We both do. She has a lot of problems, and she's just being a crazy bitch right now. Don't let it get to you." Edward explained, rubbing soft circles on my back, trying to comfort me.

And comfort me he did. My whole body shivered when I felt his fingers graze the bare skin of my back where my shirt had ridden up. Edward's words kept running through my head making my insides tighten, _she really does like you, we both do_. I knew he didn't mean it like _that_, but it felt nice to hear all the same. It was reassuring to know that he still wanted me around despite everything.

From the first moment I'd met Edward, I hadn't been able to stop thinking of him. I'd had crushes before in grade school, but they never lasted longer than a day or two. I'd never even had a boyfriend. In fact I'd only ever kissed one person before and that was Jasper, and only because he didn't want my first kiss to be from some creep that didn't care about me. It was a nice first kiss but we never talked about it or tried it again. It was just a simple kiss, and nothing ever changed between us.

When I looked at Edward though, I found my heart beating faster and my palms getting sweaty. Never before had I looked at another guy long enough to notice the things I did on Edward. The messiness of his hair, and the unique hint of bronze within the mess. The square cut of his jaw and the prominence of his cheek bones. I found myself fascinated with the light scruff on his face when he didn't shave in the mornings and the way his green eyes shone bright when something made him smile...although it wasn't all that often that he did. His broad muscular chest stood out, clearly defined by the fitted t-shirts he sometimes wore that made him look extremely masculine and made me feel protected. Even the way he walked with his smooth, self assured strides. He was confident. He was sexy. He downright _fascinated _me.

_I've got it bad_.

I shook my head slightly, trying to wake myself up from my reverie and glanced back over at him. I found him staring at me, smiling slightly. I turned my head away blushing, embarrassed under his gaze.

"Hey," He said tucking the loose strand of hair behind my ear. I peeked back at him and saw him smiling still. "Don't worry about Alice. It'll be okay."

I gulped and just nodded in response, not actually concerned about his sister anymore. I was more worried about hiding my embarrassing feelings from the man in front of me.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Jasper yelled, walking back in the room with no sign of Alice behind him. I froze, startled yet again.

_What's with everyone and all the yelling today?_

A scowl instantly replaced the smile that had been on Edward's face. He glared up at Jasper and argued, "I told you to stay the fuck away from my sister didn't I? No good can come from you two being together. Look at how she just treated Bella. And you just ran out of the room with her," he snarled as he spoke her name. "Don't you even care about Bella anymore?"

Jasper's face turned red and he was clenching his fists at his side, "Don't you dare fucking tell me I don't care about Bella. You know damn well I do. However you…" he growled, pointing at Edward, "need to stay the fuck away from her and you know it," his eyes daring Edward to contradict him. He came over and sat down beside me on the bed pushing Edward's hand away. I almost cried out at the loss of his touch. "And it's none of your fucking business with what happens between me and Alice."

"Don't say I didn't warn you man. If you fucking thought today was bad, you haven't seen shit. She's no good for you. And by the way…she's my _blood_ relative, and she damn well _is_ my fucking business," Edward warned, standing up from the bed.

Jasper wrapped his arms around my shoulders, staring pointedly at Edward. "Yeah well, we both know who's not good for who now don't we?"

I huffed in frustration and confusion as Edward merely shrugged, muttering a barely audible, "We'll see about that," and walked out the door without another glace in my direction. Jasper looked down at me with a sad smile, all traces of anger gone from his face. He kissed my forehead and asked, "How about that Jasper and Bella time darlin?", leaving me high and dry by the roadside on Confusion Drive.


	8. Chapter 9

**AN****:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

EPOV

_This is gonna get worse...so much fucking worse. I can fucking see it already...this is just the goddamn motherfucking beginning of my own personal fucking hell...everything before meeting up with them is going to seem like fucking purgatory compared to what shit's gonna be like in a few months if they keep going the way they are. Jesus Christ...I need to get the fuck outta here..._

I sat straight up on the couch and kicked Alice right in the fucking ass to wake her up. I couldn't lay there anymore. I hadn't slept a fucking wink all goddamn night. I alternated between pacing in front of Bella's door and trying to set my fucking sister on fire with my fucking heated glares. Out of all the times she's fucking screamed at me, slapped me, punched me, kicked me, stolen from me, none of it..._none of it_ pissed me off worse than what she fucking did to Bella the night before. The poor girl _finally_ fucking laughs a true and honest happy motherfucking laugh, and my psychotic fucking sister has to go and flip right the fuck out on her.

"Alice!" I roared as I kicked her in the ass again, unable to take another fucking minute of being stuck in my fucking head playing that shit over and fucking over again. "Get the fuck up."

"What the _hell_ Edward! What fucking time is it?!" she screeched as she flipped over on the couch.

"Who gives a fuck what time it is. Get your fucking ass up and get ready to leave," I growled at her as I tied the laces on my sneakers.

"Where the hell are we going? It's barely even fucking light out!" she wailed as she stood and wobbled to the side. God how I wished she had actually fallen and busted her ass. Maybe it would have stopped me from wanting to put her through a fucking wall...a couple of them.

"To get breakfast. Go get changed," I told her as I leaned back and pinched the bridge of my nose. She stood there, just fucking glaring at me and pushing my fucking buttons even further.

"Alice I swear to fucking God, if you don't go get changed I'm going to drag you the fuck out of here in those clothes. I don't give a shit what you look like," I warned, teetering on the fucking edge of losing my last goddamn shred of fucking sanity. She huffed like the petulant fucking child she is and stormed off toward the bathroom after grabbing her bag. My leg was bouncing nonstop as if I had just fucking smoked a goddamn c-note worth of meth as I grabbed handfuls of hair and tugged, not giving a fucking shit if I looked like motherfucking BoBo the goddamn clown with my shit standing up all over the place.

_She needs to hurry the fuck up..._

What in the fuck is it with women? How in the fuck can it take _that_ goddamn long to change your fucking clothes. Seriously...taking a fucking five minute trip to a shithole fast food restaurant does _not_ require a goddamn hour worth of fucking primping in the mirror. Who the fuck do they think they're gonna run into in there? Johnny Fucking Depp? Maybe in fucking LA or NYC you might...but you sure as fuck aren't gonna run into anyone fucking famous in the goddamn ghetto. The only fucking woman I've _ever_ fucking met that could get in and out of a fucking bathroom in the morning in under twenty goddamn minutes was Bella. That girl could be in and out in fifteen flat, and that's _with_ taking a fucking shower.

_Jesus Christ...can I stop fucking thinking about her for just five goddamn minutes?! There isn't even a fucking point to thinking about her! She's a fucking minor, she's innocent and I'm a piece of shit, and that motherfucker Jasper would be a cock blocking son of a bitch with her anyway! UGH!_

"Alice! Change your fucking plug and let's fucking go already!" I growled as I banged once on the bathroom door.

"You're such an _asshole_. What the fuck is your _problem_ today?" she asked heatedly as she swung the door open. I grabbed a hold of her arm and dragged her out of the fucking apartment behind me. When we got to the Volvo, I all but tossed her ass in the passenger seat before slamming the door behind her.

"Care to tell me what crawled up your ass and _died_ overnight?" she asked, glaring at me as she leaned against the door and faced me as I started the car.

"Put your fucking seat belt on," I said as I pointed in her direction. She crossed her arms across her chest and mashed her lips together in a fucking prize winning stance of defiance as she narrowed her eyes even further at me.

"Alice...you do _not _want to fuck with me today," I warned her, but she didn't move an inch.

"You wanna play? We're gonna fucking play," I laughed humorlessly as I slammed the car in first gear and took off, squealing the tires and leaving a cloud of burnt fucking rubber behind me. The rapid forward movement of the car tossed her toward the back of the seat and as soon as she hit, I slammed on the brakes and launched her into the dashboard.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" she screamed as she slapped me dead upside the fucking side of my head.

"Fucking hit me one more time Alice. I motherfucking _dare_ you," I seethed at her. For the first time in _months_ she shrank back from me, looking fucking scared to death. I pulled the emergency brake and took the car out of gear before angling myself toward her. I honestly felt like shit that she was staring at me wide eyed and fucking petrified, but I'd reached my fucking limit.

"The shit stops _now_ Alice. You fucking lied to me yesterday when you told me that you and Bella had hung out together in the bedroom all fucking day. You fucking left her there all by herself, surrounded by pieces of shit. What if something fucking happened to her? Do you even _give_ a fucking shit if something happened to her?" I asked, watching as her gaze flickered down to her lap as she fucking fidgeted. Alice doesn't fucking fidget unless she's either currently on drugs, or has done them recently. It's her biggest fucking tell sign, and she has _no_ fucking clue she even does it.

"Of course I care if something happens to her," she said quietly, tugging on the hem of her shirt and twisting it around her dainty little fucking finger.

"Do you? Because I'm _really _having a fucking hard time believing that bullshit...especially after you fucking verbally attacked her yesterday for nothing. You know damn well straight there isn't anything fucking going on between them. Yes, I'll admit that it's a little fucking odd that he sometimes goes in the bathroom with her when she showers, but you have to realize something Alice. That poor fucking girl is scared shitless in these places. The _only _place that we've been to so far that she feels even _remotely _fucking safe is here at Kyle's. The few other fucking places we've taken them to over the past two weeks during the day have fucking terrified her. Have you even _seen_ the fucking look on her face when we walk into a place filled with tweaked out motherfuckers? Why in the _fuck_ do you think I handed over so much fucking pot to Kyle and Mandy? I didn't do it so they could have a good fucking time on my dime, Ali. I did it so we would have a place to stay for longer than a few fucking nights until she could at least become familiar with the shit that goes on around us," I ranted furiously, looking like a fucking madman with my wild gestures around us.

"No...I hadn't noticed she was scared. I just figured she was being shy around the people she wasn't used to yet. I _do _care about her though, Edward," she said softly, her voice quivering as she fought back the goddamn tears that would fucking destroy my anger toward her.

Is this some kind of conspiracy bullshit? Do women fucking learn this shit in some private kindergarten class that's only for chicks? Learning how to fucking cry on demand to make men feel like fucking shit? She gets me to give in to motherfucking _everything _with the tears. Why can't we have a fucking ace in our pocket to pull out whenever _we_ fucking want to? If we sat there shedding tears, they'd crack the fuck up and laugh right in our goddamn faces. _Bullshit_!

"What were you on yesterday? What did you fucking take? And don't tell me nothing because I'm not fucking stupid. Where'd you go when you fucking left her there alone for god knows how long," I muttered, running my hands over my face trying to rid myself of the fucking images of her being terrified and hiding in the bedroom alone for hours.

_Jesus fucking Christ...all it would have taken was one fucking inebriated motherfucker with a hard on to hurt her in more fucking ways than I could ever fucking bear to imagine._

"I wasn't gone long, Edward. It was twenty minutes tops," she said quietly, looking out the window and avoiding both looking at me as well as fucking answering what she had fucking taken.

"You're full of shit, you know that? You can't even fucking look at me when you answer me. I know you were gone longer than that, Alice. You know if you keep this shit up around them they're gonna fucking walk away. They aren't fucking family. They aren't fucking _obligated_ to put up with this bullshit," I warned her, trying to ignore the sense of fucking dread that threatened to consume me at the thought of them going back out onto the streets alone.

"What the fuck, Edward? I made a fucking mistake! You act like you've _never_ fucking made one in your whole goddamn life! Is it really me that you're worried about, or is it only her?" she asked with an accusatory glare as my narrowed gaze shot to her face.

"I _see_ how you look at her, Edward. I'm not fucking blind you know," she sneered.

"Don't pull that fucking shit on me, Alice. I worry about _both_ of you. You're accustomed to being around these fucking people. You know how to stand your fucking ground and you know who's safe to be around and who's not. She fucking doesn't, Ali. She doesn't have a fucking clue," I argued angrily.

_Fuck! I can't believe she fucking left her there alone! Has she smoked herself fucking retarded?!_

"I didn't think of it that way. Sometimes I forget how different their lives were compared to ours. I'm sorry...I won't leave her alone again," she replied after a span of quiet contemplation.

"I don't need an apology...but you do fucking owe her one, Ali. If you really do have feelings for Jasper, acting that way toward her is just going to push him away from you. He's just as protective over her as I am of you...she's his only fucking family."

"I know, I know. I'll apologize to her today...what are we doing today anyway? You know we can't keep staying at Kyle's...he's gonna give us the boot at some point regardless of how much pot you give him," she said. I flopped my head back against the headrest and stared at the ceiling of my car, trying to figure out where the fuck we were gonna go next.

"I'll figure it out today. We need to get some breakfast for all of us though...they'll be getting up soon," I said as I put the car back in gear, my temper finally subsiding to just a simmering beneath the surface. "Put your seatbelt on."

"I still can't believe you did that, Edward. I could have seriously been hurt," she chastised with a roll of her eyes as she complied. I laughed and shook my head as I pulled out of the lot.

"The most that would have happened to you would have been having some fucking sense knocked into your brain by the windshield, Ali. I wasn't going fast enough for anything worse than that," I chuckled and she slapped my arm as she pursed her lips at me and narrowed her eyes, only causing me to laugh again.

"So what's for breakfast? I have a little extra money so we can pass up the fried fucking grease for once," I said, feeling my gut churn at the thought of stomaching more of that fucking garbage.

"How about Johnny's? We haven't been there in a while," she offered. I grinned widely, thinking of the elderly couple that owned the little mom and pop diner just at the edge of the decent part of the city.

"Sounds good to me...it's been a while since we've seen Oma and Poppop," I said, referring to the elderly couple that we had grown to think of as grandparents.

Hell they were the closest things to them that we'd ever had while we were growing up. Neither set of our genetic grandparents lived anywhere even remotely close to where we had, and _rarely_ ever came to visit. They limited their appearances to mainly Christmas and once during the summer at most...which was fucking fine by me. Carlisle's parents never failed to acknowledge their utter distaste for me, being my mother's son and all, and Esme's rarely acknowledged my presence at all...which was probably a blessing in fucking disguise. The only grandparents I probably would have taken a fucking liking to would have belonged to my mother, but the last time I'd seen them that I could remember I was no more than five or six, and it wasn't a very joyous event…fucking hell, I didn't even know who the fuck they _were_.

_Fucking hell…now is __**not**__ the time to be thinking about this shit…_

"I wonder if mom and dad still go there every Sunday morning for breakfast...you know...like when we were growing up," she said with a wistful tone. I shrugged indifferently, truth was I couldn't have given a fucking shit less if they did or didn't. It wasn't Sunday, and they weren't known for frequenting the joint during the week. As long as I didn't run into their asses, I couldn't have fucking cared less if they still went there.

Out of all the people in my life, I probably held the most fucking respect for that generous elderly couple. If it weren't for them, I probably would have lost my goddamn fucking mind at some point. My first Thanksgiving and Christmas were the hardest. The people that surrounded us on a daily basis didn't celebrate shit like that. Their idea of celebrating a holiday was cracking open a case of beer, getting high off their asses, and passing the fuck out. The only feast we ever saw on those kinds of holidays on the streets was a fucking table covered in fucking booze and drugs...not much to be fucking thankful for there.

Oma had made it her own personal fucking mission to not allow me to spend holidays alone out on the streets. The first Thanksgiving that I had spent away from Carlisle's house, I had gotten drunk and spent the better part of my night wandering the streets on foot. I ended up passing out on the bottom of a slide in some fucking decrepit playground covered in graffiti and woke up to Oma calling my name and trying to pull me up from where I was laying. Not an easy feat for a little German lady no bigger than Alice. She had been driving around the city all afternoon and evening looking for me, and she absolutely fucking _refused _to let me spend the rest of the night alone.

I owed her for far more than just the fucking delicious hot meal and pull out couch that she had given me that night. I probably owed her my entire fucking life, as I'm pretty fucking positive I would have frozen to fucking death being passed out in that fucking frigid November air. She and Poppop made it very fucking clear that night that I was to come to their house for every holiday, and whenever I couldn't find a place to stay at night. For Christmas that first year, I spent both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day there, helping her bake cookies and pastries to give out at a local soup kitchen. Her gift to me that year was a hat, scarf, and glove set that was...well I won't lie, it was probably the most hideous thing I'd ever seen, but I accepted it gratefully and even let her put the hat and scarf on me when I left the following day. I'd kept it in the Volvo ever since, and I never fail to show up wearing them in the winter.

I know the biggest goddamn question right now is why didn't I just stay with Oma and Poppop instead of fucking living the way I have, and the answer is simple...it would have been a tremendous fucking burden on them to have taken me in full time...even more so when Alice showed up. They lived meagerly, and didn't have much by way of possessions. They lived in a fucking tiny ass one bedroom townhouse in a retirement community, and survived off of the barely fucking there profits from their small diner. Most of their patrons were regulars and the occasional person that happened to stumble upon the treasure that was nestled in between a variety of stores, consignment shops, and offices. They didn't make much off of their business, but they enjoyed running it immensely, which I suppose was all that fucking mattered at their age.

The burden I would have placed on them wouldn't have ended in just the financial capacity either. I would have been an impossible fucking emotional burden on them, and that above anything kept me from taking them up on their relentless offers. I'd been filled with pure fucking rage and blatant disdain for damn near every person around me for as long as I could remember. I could hide that shit from them when I only had to face them for short fucking periods of time, but there was no fucking way in hell I could have hidden it from them while being a permanent fixture in their daily lives. It's out of respect for them that I keep them from being hurt by my fucking inner turmoil and haunting demons.

"We should bring Jasper and Bella here sometime," Alice said, pulling me from my silent pensive state as she unbuckled her seatbelt.

"Yeah we should...Oma and Poppop would love them," I agreed. I took a deep breath, pushing down all my fucking bullshit and donned the prize winning fucking mask that would keep them from knowing just how fucking much I hated my goddamn life and smiled at Alice.

"Ready?" I asked simply. She grinned back as she nodded, already knowing that for the next however long we were in their company, neither of us would have a single fucking thought about how goddamn fucked up our lives were.

"Johan! Johan! Come quick! The children have come for a visit!" Oma yelled toward the kitchen, startling her few customers, as she looked up at the sound of the door hitting the bell and spotted me smiling and holding the door open for Alice. It only took a fucking second before her petite little frame was hurrying around the counter and heading directly for us as Johan emerged from the kitchen, wiping his hands on his white apron.

"Hi Oma," Alice and I said in unison, chuckling lightly as Alice walked toward her with her arms wide open.

"Edward, how have you been my boy?" Johan asked as he shook my hand and patted my back.

"Been great Poppop...how's business been?" I asked as I bent down to kiss Oma's cheek. "Business is business...same as always," he answered.

"We missed you on your birthday. You and Alice must come to the house sometime soon and we'll make you both dinner," Oma said, patting my cheek and smiling fondly at me. It never fucking ceased to amaze me how both she and Poppop treated us as though we were their own fucking grandchildren. For fuck's sake my own grandparents couldn't fucking manage to do it. Alice was the fucking undeniable favorite in the family...though I was no longer sure of how fond of her they were as of late.

"We will, Oma...soon I promise," I said as I smiled down at her, keeping an arm around her shoulders as she led us to the end of the counter. She always sat us there so that Johan could join in our conversations from the opening in front of the griddle. We took our seats and she walked around the other side of the counter, immediately fetching two tall glasses of fucking orange juice. Alice quickly looked at me, mashing her lips together to fight off her amusement. I rolled my eyes at her and smiled tightly, making sure Oma or Johan didn't see me.

I fucking hate orange juice, but can't fucking find it in me to say anything about it. At least hers isn't the fucking pulpy shit. I can't fucking stand that shit, little fucking bits of orange flesh that get fucking lodged in your goddamn throat and make you want to fucking gag. If I wanted something floating in my fucking juice I'd put some motherfucking ice cubes in the shit. What the fuck is it with orange juice manufacturers needing to have a wide fucking variety of the same fucking juice. Couldn't they just fucking stop at no pulp and pulp? Was it really fucking necessary to take it a billion fucking steps further by having no pulp, some pulp, pulp, extra pulp...which is beyond fucking disgusting by the way.

Ever seen that shit being poured? It looks like fucking neon sludge and makes a fucking sickening _plop_ sound when it hits the fucking bottom of the glass. How the fuck do people _drink_ that shit? Does it get stuck in the fucking straw like a fucking well made milkshake that makes you look like a goddamn fish when you try and suck the shit up? Really...put that fucking shit through a strainer already. You shouldn't have to fucking _chew_ your goddamn beverage before fucking swallowing the shit.

_Who do I have to fuck to get a glass of apple juice? Fuck! I'll take water over this shit!... _I thought as I smiled angelically and took the glass from Oma while thanking her.

"So where have you been staying? Have you found a permanent place yet?" Oma asked, instantly obtaining Johan's attention as he looked up at us from the griddle.

"We've been staying with our friends Mandy and Kyle for a while now. It's a lot better than the places we used to stay," Alice said, fucking perfectly avoiding the topic of permanency completely. I could have fucking kissed her in that moment when Oma smiled happily and Johan nodded.

"Good. We've worried terribly over you two," Oma said as she slid us a menu. Neither of us had to actually look at it as the items on the menu hadn't fucking changed since probably the fucking day they opened the joint, and we quickly ordered our food.

"Hey Oma? Can you double up that order so we can bring some back for two new friends that are staying with us for a while?" I asked as I handed her back the menus when she turned back around.

"You both made some new friends?" she asked, genuinely interested since we never brought up any friends that we had. Well Alice has people she somehow fucking considers as friends, the most I'd ever had was acquaintances since I'd hit the streets.

"Yeah, Jasper and Bella. Wanna see a picture of them Oma?" Alice asked quickly with a bright smile as she fished her phone out of her pocket.

"They're a beautiful couple," she commented, smiling softly as she held the phone at nearly arms length to see the picture clearly. I chuckled under my breath as she adjusted her bifocals and smiled once again before handing the phone back.

"Oh they aren't a couple, Oma. They're brother and sister...well kind of. They grew up with each other and they think of each other as siblings," Alice rambled.

"Well...they are both quite beautiful children, but they look malnourished. You will bring them with you when you come for dinner," she said sternly. I smiled and nodded to her as she set her "don't mess with me and do what I say" look on me.

"And I'll have Johan pack some extra food for you to bring back to them. They need to eat properly Edward, especially that poor beautiful girl. She's awfully thin," Oma said, making me cringe internally slightly. She really was too goddamn fucking skinny, and she never fucking finished her meals. She always made Jasper finish it off for her. I couldn't fucking tell if it was to get him to eat more while they had a decent amount of fucking food for once and she was still hungry, or if she just couldn't fucking eat that much after living without a fucking consistent food supply.

"Thanks Oma...I'm sure they'll appreciate it," I said, giving her a grateful smile. She tilted her head down and eyed me closely over the rim of her glasses for a series of moments. My smile began to fade as I started to wonder why the fuck she was staring at me in such a calculating manner...and worried that she'd find one of the many things I would never want her to know. That's where you had to be careful around Oma. The woman could read people like there was a fucking digital bulletin board slapped on their fucking face, blaring all of their secrets in neon fucking lights for the whole world to see.

I'd spent fucking years perfecting my ability to hide my inner bullshit from people. Perfecting my many fucking masks. I could act like the jolliest fucking fat man you'd ever fucking seen when I really wanted to rip a motherfucker's head off. I could act like I was ready to fucking kill someone when I was barely even fucking agitated by something. At some point growing up, it had become a fucking game to me. Acting the exact fucking opposite of what I was actually fucking feeling. And yet here this little fucking five foot nothing sweet old lady, with the all fucking knowing eyes...when she wasn't looking through her bifocals...looked at me as though she could see right fucking through me. Like she could see right down into my fucking soul, or whatever the fuck was left in there after living on the fucking streets of hell for over two years.

I contemplated briefly, as I fought to keep my mask secured on my motherfucking face, if she actually could pick out any of the bullshit that I wouldn't want her to know about from among the mountains of meaningless bullshit that resides within me. If she could...well then Jesus fucking Christ...I was gonna start calling her the fucking 'Oracle' instead of Oma. So help me god if this little old lady busted out with some fucking shit like, "don't worry about the glass" a moment before I knocked it over and then proceeded to tell me that what will "bake my noodle" later is the question of whether or not it would have happened at all if she hadn't mentioned it in the first place...I was gonna shit my fucking pants.

_You've finally fucking lost it. You've lost your last goddamn motherfucking marble asshole. Oma's just looking at you and you're fucking turning her into the Oracle from the Matrix. LAY OFF THE FUCKING DRUGS DICKWAD!_

"Hm," she hummed, sliding her glasses back up her nose.

"What?" I asked, forcing a smile on my face and reining in my urge to knock Alice's snickering ass off her stool.

"Nothing," she replied casually as she turned around and dropped the menu on top of the stack at the edge of the counter.

"No really, what Oma?" I asked, somewhere between curious and desperately needing to fucking know what the fuck she managed to read from me.

_Shit...I'm losing my touch. If a fucking almost eighty year old woman can read me, how many other fuckers can too?_

"You'll learn sweetheart. You'll learn. Sometimes there are things in life that you just can't stop from happening...no matter how hard you try to fight against it," she said cryptically.

_What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Is she talking about the drugs? Me getting locked up? Jesus Christ...I really am gonna end up in fucking prison aren't I...Fuck that...There's NO fucking way I'm going to prison. No fucking way. I'll get us off the fucking streets before then. I don't give a motherfucking shit how hard I have to fucking hustle to do it. I will NOT go to fucking prison and be some psycho's bitch..._

"Addie...cut the crap. You're terrifying the poor kid with that nonsense. Give them their food and let them eat in peace," Johan chuckled from behind the partition. I quickly turned to Alice while neither Oma nor Poppop were paying attention and mouthed a quick "Did I slip?" to her. Her eyebrows furrowed as she shook her head at me, no longer seeing the humor in the situation.

How the fuck was that possible? Not just one, but both of them had seen right fucking through me. Right through the mask that I had used to successfully against every fucking person I'd ever known...aside from Alice. Alice has been the only fucking person who could ever fucking tell when I had a mask in place or not. Even as kids she always fucking knew. She had a sick sixth sense for it. Not even my own fucking father could tell the difference, and I was his fucking flesh and blood. Johan had seen that her fucking words had terrified me, and the god's honest truth was they had. I don't give a shit how fucking tough you think you are, unless you're a fucking psychopath, the idea of being locked in a fucking cage with some sadistic motherfuckers is goddamn terrifying.

I'll be the first to fucking admit it. I'd probably sooner fucking commit suicide than spend any fucking amount of time in prison. County jail is one thing...that's like the equivalent of a crowded high school fucking cafeteria to a shy person. State prison, and possibly Federal fucking prison at that if I got caught with enough shit on me...that, that was the fucking equivalent of locking said shy teenager in aforementioned cafeteria, but then filling that fucker with some of the sickest, most psychotic, sadistic and hardened fucking criminals that you could find within a thousand fucking mile radius. Yeah...definitely not something I would be walking into with a fucking chipper ass smile on my face.

"Edward," Alice whispered as she stealthily nudged my side. I quickly shut off my fucking mental rambling and looked at her.

"Eat," she said simply. I turned my head forward and noticed that Oma had placed a fucking plate of food right in front of me and I'd been so goddamn out of it that I hadn't even fucking noticed.

_That's just fucking perfect...not only am I transparent but apparently I'm fucking oblivious to my transparency as well..._

"When are you both going to come work for us? We could use a day off every once in a while," Oma said, pulling up a stool to sit on in front of us while we ate.

"Oh Oma," Alice chuckled. "I'd be afraid to let Edward behind the grill, he'd probably burn the place to the ground."

"Shut up, Ali. I'm not _that _bad," I laughed, even though she was probably right.

"Psh...don't tell me that. You're the one who almost burned down Kyle's apartment by putting something with tin foil on it in the microwave last week!" she accused, waving a finger in my direction as she, Oma, and Johan laughed hysterically.

"It wasn't my fault! I didn't know there was tin foil inside the container! Who the hell wraps stuff up _inside_ containers?" I wailed, only causing them to laugh even harder.

"It was too your fault! You didn't even check to see what the hell you were microwaving! The diner had wrapped up Bella's piece of cheesecake and put it in the container with her left overs. The tin foil was to keep it from having all that other crap leak onto it and spoil it! Why were you even eating _her_ food?" she asked as she quirked a brow at me.

"Cause I was hungry and didn't feel like going out to get something to eat and she said I could have it," I replied with a shrug.

"So the poor girl never got her cheesecake?" Oma asked. I grimaced slightly and shook my head, earning a reproachful glance from both Oma and Johan.

"I'm going to pack her a piece of homemade cheesecake, and I better not hear of you eating it or microwaving it on her," Oma said as she shook a finger at me.

"I won't I swear. I'll make her eat it before her breakfast," I chuckled as Oma put a hand on her hip and shook her head.

"It's a wonder I don't take a spatula to you some days," she chuckled as she moved toward the cooler on the back counter that displayed their homemade desserts.

"Which would she like better, plain, strawberry, or chocolate drizzle?" she asked.

"Um...I'm really not sure which she would prefer Oma. She ordered a plain piece at the diner we went to last week, but I'm not sure if that was just because I kind of forced her to order a dessert when she'd said she was already full," I replied uneasily. I really wished I hadn't needed to fucking argue with her for twenty fucking minutes just to get her to order a dessert...which she didn't even eat. Fuck, I didn't even know if she even _liked _cheesecake. She could have just fucking ordered it because Jasper did and she figured he would have eaten it for her.

"Well I'll just pack a piece of each then. What can I pack you both for later?" she asked. Alice bounced on her stool next to me as she shoved a piece of french toast in her mouth and spoke excitedly, trap full of half masticated fucking food and all.

"Mmm...I've been dying for a piece of your chocolate mousse cake!" she squealed. I almost gagged at the sight of the food damn near fucking flying out of her mouth.

_Nasty ass..._

"Oma you really don't have to do all of this. I feel like we're robbing you blind with all this food you're packing," I said with a strained voice.

I hated the way she felt the need to make sure that she always sent us away with enough food to last at least a day or two. It always made me feel like I wasn't doing my fucking job supporting us, even though I'd never let Alice go a day without at least having two fucking meals...even if I hadn't. It had been forever since I'd been down that fucking low though, and I had only had to deny myself food a few times in the very fucking beginning when I hadn't been prepared for her arrival.

"Nonsense my dear boy. The only thing you will rob us of is our pride if you don't accept what we offer you. We may not have much to give, but what we can is yours to have. We have no children or grandchildren to care for. You both are the closest thing we have to that and we're grateful for you," she said, tearing at my fucking heart painfully with her words. I had denied their offers more times than I cared to count, but it had only been to spare them in the long run.

"Thank you Oma, you're the best grandmother I could have asked for if given the choice," I responded, trying to relay to her the emotions that her words invoked within me as I leaned across the counter to kiss her tiny cheek. I never was good at voicing any emotion other than fucking rage. It was all I'd ever fucking known my entire life.

The only person I'd ever been able to say I love you to was Alice. Those words meant too fucking much to me to be tossed about on random fucking people...not that Oma and Johan were random by any fucking means. No matter how badly I had ever wanted to say those words to them, I just couldn't. They got stuck in my throat every fucking time I tried to, proving just how goddamn fucked up I really was. If anyone had ever deserved to hear those words from my mouth, it was them, and yet still I couldn't bring myself to fucking say them.

We finished eating our breakfasts with some meaningless chatter back and forth between the four of us, and promises to stop by for a birthday dinner sometime soon. Alice informed Oma that Bella's birthday was coming up in September, and Oma insisted that we bring her over for a dinner of her own...complete with a cake, candles, and retarded party hats. I cringed slightly but promised her we'd be there nonetheless. If wearing a stupid party hat like a goddamn three year old would make Oma happy, I'd walk down the main drag wearing it and singing at the top of my fucking lungs.

A few hugs and kisses, having our arms filled with bags of food, and stealthily dropping wad of cash in the tip jar since they wouldn't accept my money, Alice and I were back in the Volvo sighing in unison as we pulled out of the lot and waved back at Oma and Johan.

"Edward? What would it take for all of us to be able to get off of the streets and have our own place?" Alice asked, her voice small and distant...wistful almost.

"A lot, Ali. I'm trying though. If Jasper does as well when he starts as I think he will, we should be able to find our own place by Christmas. Something small but ours nonetheless," I said as I ran a hand through my hair.

"I wanna help," she said suddenly as she turned to face me.

"What?" I responded smoothly, having been taken off guard by her statement. She'd never expressed a desire to help me get us off the streets before. She'd only ever been concerned over what party we could hit up next or what new material thing she wanted.

"I. Want. To. Help," she said slowly, enunciating each word as though she were speaking to a child.

"You're not getting involved with this shit Alice. Over my dead body will you be out there selling drugs," I replied sternly.

"I'm not talking about that, Edward," she said as she rolled her eyes and turned forward. "I was thinking maybe I could get a job at like one of those coffee places or as a waitress at a diner or something."

"That'd be good, but what address can you use on an application? We don't have one, Ali...not a permanent one at least," I said as I mentally went through a log of people that would possibly help in that aspect.

"Mandy would probably let me use theirs until we could get our own place," she suggested. I simply nodded as I thought over the possibilities. The more I contemplated it, I couldn't come up with a single argument against it. Not only would it help us get off the streets quicker, but it could possibly get Alice's fucking ass away from the partying and constant presence of the goddamn drugs in our lives. Once we had our own place, Jasper and I could bail the fuck out and get real fucking jobs. Legitimate and fucking legal jobs. Our pay would probably suck ass, but we would be able to manage it somehow.

My only fucking problem...what the fuck was I going to do with Bella while Alice was at work and Jasper and I were running the fucking streets? I couldn't very well fucking just leave her wherever we were for hours upon hours by her fucking self. Not only would it be dangerous, but she'd be fucking miserable. She was already sporting fucking signs of depression as it was, her fake smiles and forced laughter when we were together as she watched Jasper and fucking Alice bond. So many fucking times I wanted to just step in and show her that she was by no fucking means alone. I wanted to be there for her, fuck I wanted to be with her, but I fucking couldn't. Jasper had made it abundantly fucking clear that he disapproved of me being with her in any aspect aside from acting as a protective big brother.

_Goddamn big brother...Fuck...I'd chop my motherfucking dick off if I __**ever**__ thought of my sister the way I think of her..._

"We'll talk about this later," I said as we pulled up to the apartment building. "If you do manage to get a job, I have to find someplace for Bella to go while you're at work and both Jasper and I are running around. She can't fucking stay in these places all day by herself. I don't trust those fuckers around us."

"She could get a job too...maybe we could work at the same place. At least it would be easier to drop both of us off at the same place and we could explain the need to have the same shifts due to transportation," she said as we stepped out of the car.

"We'll see, Ali. You have to get permission from Mandy and Kyle first to use their address, and then start looking for a job. It's not all that easy to find one around here, trust me I know cause I've tried in the past, and you need to lay off the shit for a while so you can pass a drug test," I warned her as I reached into the backseat to grab the bags of food.

"I know, Edward. I know it won't happen overnight, but I want to help. I never realized how hard I make things on you until I saw your face when Oma was pushing all this food on us. I'm sorry. I want to make it easier on us not harder," she said softly, staring at her feet with a fucking shamed expression. I fought off the urge to look toward the sky for fucking signs of a goddamn blizzard in July and smiled to myself as I collected the bags. I stood with my hands full and kissed the top of her head before shutting the door with my hip and locking it with the remote.

"Thank you, Alice. You just wanting to help makes things a lot easier on me," I said sincerely as we headed toward the steps of the building.

As soon as we stepped in the door of the apartment, Alice initiated the start of her apology to Bella. I smiled in their direction as Jasper took the bags of food from my hands, but my smile faded quickly as I noticed she wasn't staring at me but at my fucking backpack...again. Goddamn she needed to get her fucking focus off that motherfucking thing. Just the day before we'd had a mini fucking western showdown, complete with a fucking soundtrack in my head. What the fuck was I supposed to tell her? Jesus Christ what the fuck was she gonna think when Jasper showed up with a fucking bag of his own?

I took a step forward, narrowing my eyes slightly at her, her eyes narrowing slightly at my bag and following with astute precision. Fuck me...she was probably not even hearing a goddamn word Alice was saying as she hummed and uh huh'ed her to fucking death. I turned slightly and pressed my lips together to fight off my smirk as her eyes narrowed even further and she shifted on the couch slightly, leaning to the side to try and see around me.

_What the fuck goes through that girl's mind when she does this shit?! What the fuck does she think is in there?! Jesus I need a plan to get her focus off that fucking bag...I need a plausible fucking excuse for why I need it and why I guard it so closely. What the fuck can I say is in there that's so damn personal I don't want someone taking it or even seeing it? A motherfucking cock pump? Ha! Like I'd actually need one of those fucking things...shit she probably doesn't even know what that is...Goddamn I need a plan before Jasper shows up with his own fucking bag. He'll fucking cave and tell her what's in it. She'll be able to fucking break him I know it... _

I shifted one more time, becoming seriously fucking uncomfortable with the way she was focused so intently on the goddamn thing. She looked like she was ready to pounce right off the fucking couch and rip the fucker right off of me to see what was in it. I fucking hated having to be so goddamn secretive about it, but she'd fucking hate me if she knew what I did, if she knew that I was one of the reasons all these fucktards hung out around this apartment in the states that they did.

"Bella! Are you even listening to me?" Alice whined and I smirked as Bella's gaze flickered up to my eyes. She pursed her lips at me quickly before looking at Ali and smiling apologetically.

"I'm sorry...I zoned out. What were you saying?" she asked sweetly and I damn near busted out fucking laughing.

Zoned out my ass baby girl...You're too fucking curious for your own good...

Out of the line of fire of her penetrating gaze, I stepped into the kitchen and grabbed myself a can of soda and thought through an entire fucking list of things I could fucking say to her to get her attention off the bag as I helped Jasper separate the food and put some of it away. Nothing I fucking thought of was even remotely fucking plausible.

_There has to be something...there __**has**__ to be a fucking way somehow...Fuck me...I can keep this shit to myself and just let her fucking think I'm crazy or I have OCD or some shit, but that isn't gonna fucking work when Jasper starts sporting his own bag and suddenly becomes obsessively fucking protective over it as well...I need an iron fucking clad reason for carrying it...I need...to find a way to make her think it's not what it actually is...I need...a fucking decoy! I NEED MOTHERFUCKING DECOY! Something she can fucking chase one of us around to get into and get her little fucking curious hands on so she can go through it and put her damn curiosity to rest. YES! Goddamn it's motherfucking perfect!_

I grinned widely, probably looking like a fucking crazed resident of a fucking sanitarium to Jasper as he quirked a brow at me. I shook my head and wiped the shit eating grin off my face as I started putting a solid fucking plan together in my head. It would fucking work and the fucking stare downs and challenging gazes would cease, and she'd be none the fucking wiser. I just needed to get it all fucking planned and organized before Jasper showed up with his own fucking bag, and keep her the fuck away from mine until then.

"Hey, what do you guys say to going to the park or some shit when you're done eating? It's actually nice out today for a change," I suggested as I plopped down on the couch next to Alice, pressing my back and the bag into the corner of it so Bella couldn't focus on it. She glared at me and I smirked as I tried not to chuckle at her cute little annoyed kitten fucking face.

_Bring it on my little tiger cub...I'm the quickest draw in the ghetto...you'll never get your cute little hands on it but it'll be fun watching you try..._


	9. Chapter 10

**AN****:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

BPOV

The cool water splashed across my face as I took a few more deep breaths trying to calm myself. After everything that happened yesterday I should have expected nothing less than to come face to face with Charlie yet again in my dreams. Although I was helpless to escape from him there, here, now that I am awake, I could fight. I took one last deep breath as I looked up to stare at my reflection in the mirror. I could see the fear in my eyes fade away as my determination set in. I slowly blew out one last breath and turned around to turn on the water to start my shower.

Showering without Jasper in the room is one of many changes I was planning on making starting today. As harsh as Alice's words were to me yesterday she made some very valid points. It was a rude awakening to how weak and dependant I had really become. I hadn't been pushing myself enough to move past my constant anxiety. For so long it had only been the two of us that I never noticed how much I had grown to rely on him. Alice was right. I was holding Jasper back, unknowingly pulling him away from her with all of my insecurities. I know he would never see it that way. I was his best friend, his sister, and the only family he had left.

In the beginning clinging one another was an instinct for survival. Looking back I think it got to the point where my dependency on him had continued merely out of habit for the both of us. He wanted to take care of and protect me, and I relished in being loved and cared for. As much as I love Jasper and all that he has done for me, I need to grow up and learn to function without this unrelenting longing to constantly have him at my side.

I'll be damned if I'll allow myself to keep Jasper from Alice. After everything he has done for me he deserves nothing but the best. And if Alice is what he wants then I'll suck it up and encourage and support their relationship in every possible way that I can. If that means letting go of my best friend than so be it.

Besides it's not like he's all I have anymore. Most of the time Alice and I get along just fine. Edward said Alice has problems and apparently perpetual drug use was one of them. Maybe with Jasper at her side helping her she would get better, and we could all go back to being the best of friends. As long as Jasper will allow Edward and I to actually interact that is. Seriously I can't figure out what the hell was up with him last night. I mean all Edward was doing was innocently rubbing my back. Then Jasper had to go all big brother bear and scare him off, like Edward would ever think of me in a way that could warrant his ridiculous overprotection. He had done nothing but look after me since the moment we met. He treated me like little sister despite how much I fantasized otherwise.

With a final brush of my fingers through my hair I opened the door and headed back to the spare room to find Jasper. I peeked in the front room first and noticed it was empty which meant Edward and Alice had left already this morning. I think we could all use some more brother/sister alone time so I was grateful for their absence.

I quietly closed the bedroom door behind me and set my bag down while tiptoeing into the room, making my way over to the bed. I carefully slipped back under the covers and closed my eyes nuzzling into my pillow. I opened my eyes intending to glance at Jasper's sleeping form and instead was met with his bright hazel eyes mere inches from my face. I let out a yelp in surprise. Perhaps I wasn't as stealthy as I had thought. Jasper snickered quietly behind the blanket attempting to hide his amusement at my outburst.

I merely rolled my eyes and smiled softly at him and whispered, "Good morning."

"Mornin' doll face," he answered with a smile. "What's got you up n about so early this morning?"

"Nothing in particular. I just wanted a chance to grab a long hot shower before everyone else woke up," I shrugged hoping he wouldn't call my bluff.

He studied my eyes for a moment, looking for any signs of distress, but thankfully he was unable to find any traces of the nightmares that had plagued me in my sleep. Once he was satisfied he nodded, accepting my explanation.

"Edward and Alice are gone. I think they are trying to give us some space this morning after everything…" I said trailing off.

"That's good we need it. Last night you just clammed up on me darlin'. Goin' to sleep early and ignoring everything ain't gonna change what happened, and it sure as hell ain't gonna help fix things. I know you may not feel like it, but I really think we need to talk about everything that happened yesterday with Alice," he began, eyeing me closely, telling me with one look that he wouldn't accept any reluctance to talk about this, or complete avoidance either.

When he was met with my silent acceptance, he continued, "I know she hurt you yesterday, but you gotta know that Alice didn't mean any of what she was sayin'. She was just bein' jealous, Bella. She doesn't understand how two people can be as comfortable and affectionate with each other like you and I are and not have it mean something more. She's never seen two people as close as we are. And besides that, things are new for me and her. We haven't actually sat down and talked about where we stand with one another. That is my mistake, and I'm sorry. Really though, she was just being insecure. Alice.."

"Jazz, I know," I interrupted giving him a reassuring smile. "I like Alice, and I know she didn't mean to go off on me like she did. You don't have to explain it all to me. She likes you. A lot." I said with a knowing smile.

"And I like her a lot, too. Thank you for being so understanding Bella," he beamed at me. "I promise she won't act out like that again. I was planning on taking her aside today and talking to her. Letting her know how I feel so there won't be any more misunderstandings. I want her to be my girl, officially."

"That's great Jazz. I'm so happy that you've found someone," I said leaning over to hug him, relishing in the comfort he always brought. I had a very distinct feeling the number of hugs like this were going to decline tremendously, despite Jasper's hopes of convincing Alice to understand our relationship.

"While we're on the topic of unnecessary outbursts," I stated, narrowing my eyes at him. "Why were you so mean to Edward yesterday? All he was doing was being a friend and comforting me while you were out talking to Alice. Why did you run him out of the room?"

He rolled onto his back sighing heavily, scratching the back of his head. "Listen. It's not that I have some huge problem with Edward. He's good guy… for the most part," he sighed again, rubbing his hands down his face. "I just…I don't want him touchin' you like that. You are an _amazing_ girl Bella. And I want you to be happy and find someone some day, I really do. But getting caught up with Edward? It's just not a good idea. You're better than him. Please trust me on this," he pleaded.

My brows furrowed in confusion. What does he mean _touching you like that_? He can't possibly think there was something going on between us. That's ridiculous. I mean I wish there was, or even that there could be, but no way. He treats me like his kid sister.

"I don't know what you think you saw Jasper, but he was merely rubbing my back trying to get me to stop crying. Just like you have done, many, many times," I tried to explain.

He scoffed, raising his eyebrow in disbelief.

"I'm serious Jasper. There's _nothing _going on between us, so you don't have anything to worry about," I continued, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. "Besides, he'll just be like another big brother to me. And you know what? It might be kind of nice having someone else I can feel comfortable around. Yesterday was essentially the first time we were alone together since we've met, and he was actually able to comfort me in your absence, and I didn't even freak out about it. You _know_ how big of feat that is for me."

"I know it is," he sighed. "But still I just don't trust him with you. Not like that," he argued still seeming convinced that Edward thought of me in a way other than platonic.

"Then trust _me_ when I say that I trust Edward, and all I want to be is his _friend_. The truth is I could really use another friend right now, especially with everything going on with you and Alice. Please don't take that away from me," I pleaded my voice dropping to barely a whisper.

Losing Jasper to Alice was going to be hard enough. I can't let him push Edward away from me. He'll be the only friend I'll have.

He sighed rubbing his temples contemplating what I had asked. "Okay," he agreed after a few moments drawing me back in for another hug. After a minute he pulled away slightly, placed his hand on my shoulder, and looked at me sternly. "Just promise me one thing, okay? If he ever crosses the line or makes you uncomfortable in any way, you come tell me immediately," he implored, looking me in the eyes.

"Of course." I agreed, smiling as he pulled me closer, giving my forehead a kiss.

The next couple hours Jasper and I spent in bed talking and giggling just like old times. He told me more about how things were going with Alice. He saw something in her that inexplicably drew him in, and he couldn't deny the feelings growing inside himself any longer. I was so glad Jasper finally opened up to be about the depth of his feelings for her. I couldn't have been happier for my best friend.

At one point we had moved into the living room so we could be there whenever Edward and Alice got back. We didn't want them to think we still wanted our space.

A little before ten the apartment door opened, revealing a repentant looking Alice who made a bee line straight for me. She was immediately talking a mile a minute, going on and on trying to explain herself and apologize for yesterday. But what caught my attention instead was the man who followed her through door, carrying bags of take out from wherever they had been.

My breath caught at the sight of Edward. In the two weeks I had known Edward, never once had I seen a true smile on his face. Smiles in general were hard to come by with him, and when he did smile, they were forced tightly across his face. But this one was different. He had an honest to god, real, unforced, bright wide smile across his face which left me breathless. _Sweet Jesus he's beautiful_. I could not tear my eyes away from him. Nodding an "uh huh" to Alice I continued to visually devour Edward. My eyes remain glued to him as he moved to hand Jasper the bags of food. And that was when I saw it again.

_The backpack._

The lust induced haze that had been clouding my vision quickly faded, and it was replaced with clear analytical skepticism as I narrowed my eyes at the blasted thing resting on his back mocking me.

For once you would think he might leave the house without it. For God's sake they had to have gotten up around 5am to have left for breakfast as early as they had. But no. There it was securely in place on his back as always. I wanted to just ask him what the deal was, but I know for a fact after yesterday's showdown, there isn't a chance in hell he's gonna willingly spill the beans on this one.

Seriously, what on earth could a twenty year old guy living on the streets own that he could possibly need to guard so freakin' closely. Yet, not one damn time have I ever seen him actually open the dang thing. So that must mean it's personal right? Something he's embarrassed to have maybe?

"Hmm.." I hummed aloud for Alice's benefit, though I was really just thinking about the damn backpack.

He came from money. Perhaps the one worldly possession he couldn't possibly leave home without was….._his comic books_! _Yes, that could be it. Now if I could just get a good look at the bag I might be able to tell…_

_Dang it! He frickin' moved again and bag-blocked me! _

Apparently he was none too pleased with my interest in his beloved backpack. Honestly though, if I'm right and it's comic books in the backpack, there might be a chance I could get him to open up and talk to me about them. Maybe he needs someone to share his passion. Maybe I could find a way to buy him a new backpack, like Superman themed or something. I could offer it to him as some sort of peace offering to open the lines of communication and understanding between us. We could _bond_!

With a bit of hope, I moved my eyes away from the backpack to meet face. He had actually shifted his stance yet again, hiding his face from me. He'd never done that before. He probably didn't want to upset me with the scowl I'm sure was on his face.

No, no, it couldn't be something as simple as comic books. There is no way he would be so upset with me for something so innocent. No, it had to be something even more embarrassing.

_Think twenty year old guy Bella, not twelve. _

"Uh huh," I said, hoping to keep Alice rambling so I could continue my speculations. I shifted my stance on the couch, hoping to get a better angle to see the bag.

My mouth nearly dropped open when it finally dawned on me what it must be. _Porn_.

_That's it! It's got to be. He never takes the bag off or opens it in public. And it explains why he'd take the blasted thing into the bathroom with him. Edward Cullen is a porn freak…_

"Bella! Are you even listening to me?" Alice whined loudly, snapping me out of my trance. My eyes quickly left the backpack and flicked to Edward's face. I found myself having to purse my lips to avoid blurting out what I had been thinking.

_Dirty, dirty porn freak! _

Looking back at Alice I smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry...I zoned out. What were you saying?" I asked sounding sickeningly sweet as my gaze flicked back around her. In the 5 seconds I had turned away, Edward and his bag had managed to escape into the kitchen. Giving up on my backpack analysis for the time being, I turned my full attention back to Alice who was still prattling on with excuses and apologies.

I suppose it's time to put her our of her misery as I had already forgiven her. "Listen Alice it's fine, really. All is forgiven," I said with a wave of my hand. "It was all just a big misunderstanding. I just hope you realize now that there isn't anything more to our relationship than friendship and family, just like you and Edward."

"I do, I do," she said her head bouncing up and down like one of those bobble heads. "So can we just forget everything from yesterday? Go back to being friends?" she asked excitedly.

"Of course." I replied leaning in to return the hug she was already giving me.

As we were breaking apart, Edward and Jasper came back in from the kitchen to join us. Jasper handed me my breakfast, settling in on the ground next to my feet with his own.

"Hey, what do you guys say to going to the park or some shit when you're done eating? It's actually nice out today for a change," Edward suggested as he plopped down on the couch on the opposite side of Alice

I noticed he made a point to angle himself as he sat down, putting his bag right in the crook of the couch, completely obscuring it from my view. I glared at him, knowing he had done that on purpose.

_What's the matter, can't handle a little curiosity? Afraid I might just figure out your dirty little secret?_

He merely smirked in amusement at my obvious annoyance.

I decided to just let it go because I was actually really interested in his suggestion of going to the park today. For the past two weeks Edward and Jasper are off job hunting while Alice and I were left cooped up inside this apartment, only leaving occasionally to join them in going to stop by some of their friends houses. Well I think they were their friends anyway. I couldn't wait to get away from the smoke that seemed to be my constant companion and get out into the fresh air. The park sounded like a perfect idea.

After Jasper and I had finished our breakfast we threw away our containers and made our way back to the bedroom to grab our shoes.

"Guys, go ahead and pack up all your shit. We've crashed at Kyle's and Mandy's long enough. I don't wanna outwear our fuckin' welcome," Edward said as we walked into the room.

Jasper and Alice just shrugged it off like they expected as much and started packing everything up. I know we couldn't stay here forever but I was a little shocked at the sudden decision to leave. Did he have a plan? Did he know where we would spend the night tonight? My anxiety was kicking in again. I had to ask him.

"Do…umm. Do you know where we're gonna stay tonight?" I asked biting my lip.

"I was planning on swingin' by Jess's place. She never minds the extra company."

"Oh," I replied a little surprised at his response. "Jess as in Alice's friend Jess? The one that was here yesterday?"

"That would be the one."

"Okay," I said nodding my head feeling much better about our plans for the day. I remembered yesterday that Mike had mentioned Jess was his ex. Mike wasn't like these other guys hanging around here, and hopefully Jess would be like him. A break from the constant exposure to drugs and smoke would be a welcomed change of pace.

Once we had gathered all of our belongings, we made our way out to the car. Jasper and Alice climbed into the back while I slipped in to the front passenger seat. Edward moved to get into the car, but paused before slipping into his seat, looking like he was debating something. After a few moments hesitation he plopped down, slammed his door, and smashed his bag between himself and the door as far away from me as possible. The drive to the park was anything but pleasant. The tension between the four of us still lingered, and I hated it. There was complete silence in the back seat as unbelievable as that may sound. Jasper and Alice still hadn't gotten a chance to talk things over yet and they certainly weren't going to do so in the car right in front of Edward and myself.

Things weren't much better in the front half of the car either. It was clear Edward was uncomfortable to be sitting next to me, so I opted to just stare out the window. It was my own fault he was acting this way I realized. I felt guilty and embarrassed for my actions over the past few days. Most the time I can't even look at him without blush spreading across my face, causing me to look away in embarrassment. Yet recently I'd been nothing short of all out gawking at him and his backpack. Honestly I don't know what it is about that backpack that get's me so unhinged. It must be the fact that he is so connected to it and I wanted nothing more than to be a part of that.

From the moment we'd met I had felt the strangest pull toward Edward. I felt at ease with him, comfortable and safe, something I had never felt before with any man aside from Jasper. At first it scared me shitless, sending me running into the arms of Jasper for protection. But this pull towards Edward, I can't run from it. I can't ignore it, and lord help me, I only wish I could begin to understand it. It is what it is. After the last night and my discussion this morning with Jasper, I knew what I wanted to do. Simply embrace it, embrace him. Our relationship. Our friendship. More than anything I wanted to move past this stage of our relationship where I felt like we are merely strangers thrown together, forced to depend on one another as a means for survival. I wanted a friend. I wanted to know him.

Truth be told in the two weeks we'd spent together, yesterday was the first real one on one conversation we'd ever had. He was always so serious, so guarded, as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. And he did to some extent. Alice and now Jasper and myself depend on him in every way. He'd been on the streets longer than any of us, which gave him knowledge and experience the rest of us lacked. I know that if we are going to work our way off the streets, we have no choice but to depend on him. But I still hated what the pressure was doing to him.

He was always watching, observing, and looking out for us. Calculating, plotting, planning, and making decisions before the rest of us knew there was a need. The only time I saw that crease in his forehead relax even the smallest amount was when he had a beer in his hand. And even then I could still see the wheels in his head turning, they merely slowed down a little bit. The hardest part about all of this was that I wasn't in the position to do anything about it.

If there is one thing I truly wish I could give him it would be to get him to relax. Take a small step back and remember to enjoy this life he was fighting so hard for. Unfortunately I didn't have the slightest clue how to get him to open up. The only time I'd gotten even the slightest bit of a real response out of him was when I was staring at his backpack. After my epiphany I had this morning regarding its contents, the best option I could see as an icebreaker for the two of us would be to just be honest and tell him what I think. See if I can get him to open up, to talk to me, to give me anything but the fake charade he constantly puts on for the world.

As we pulled up to the park I chanced a glace over at Edward and found he was looking right at me. His eyes held a bit of tenderness until he realized he'd been caught. The guarded mask quickly reappeared as he turned away again. _This is not going to be easy._ With a heavy sigh I opened up my door and got out of the car.

When Edward had said park, I'd pictured acres of grass and trees with picnic tables and paved trails for walking or running, filled with people of all ages enjoying the great outdoors. Instead I found myself standing in front of an dilapidated playground complete with mismatched swings and slides with graffiti covering them. The place was completely deserted.

Jasper got out of the car and caught my arm. "I'm gonna go take a walk with Alice, talk about everything. You sure you'll be alright here alone with Edward?" he whispered in my ear.

I looked at him sternly before answering. "Yes Jasper. We talked about all of this just this morning. Go. Work things out with Alice. I'll be just fine with Edward." I said giving his shoulder a playful shove shooing him in Alice's direction.

Turning back toward Edward I offered him a small smile before falling into step beside him as we made our way over to the playground in silence. I headed towards the jungle gym, climbing my way over to the bridge before plopping down on it, swinging my legs below me. I closed my eyes just enjoyed breathing in the fresh air and feeling the breeze blowing through my hair. I was really hoping to get a chance to talk to Edward while we were alone, but I didn't how to go about approaching him. He hadn't spoken one word to me the whole way over here, and he chose to sit on the opposite side of the playground from me.

Gathering up the courage, I got up off of my butt, made my way over to the swings, and sat down in the one next to him. I glanced over at him and found him staring straight ahead, seemingly deep in thought as usual. Shifting my weight from my toe to my heel and back again I started to slowly swing, hoping the movement would help calm my nerves. It wasn't working.

Looking straight ahead I slowly took in a deep breath and finally spoke, just loud enough for him to hear, "You always carry that backpack around with you. You never let it go," I paused to gulp down the lump in my throat. "You never let anyone else near it. You even take it in the bathroom with you. I think I know why." I stopped again, blushing profusely and biting down on my bottom lip trying to gather up the strength to say rest. "You know…you don't have to be ashamed of it."

Edward had come to a complete standstill, his body rigid, fists clamped around the chains of the swing. "Say it," he said curtly, his voice dead of all emotion.

I swallowed, scared to finish what I had started.

"Out fucking loud," he nearly growled.

"Y-you're a…porn addict," I finally blurted out, my whole body trembling, scared of what his reaction would be.

Whatever I had expected his reaction to be...was not what happened. His obnoxiously loud guffaw startled me, nearly causing me to tip right off my seat as my head spun in his direction.

I'd never seen him laugh that hard before, in fact the most I'd ever truly seen him laugh was a hearty chuckle. I was torn between feeling like a complete idiot for what I had said, and being thrilled that I could cause him to laugh that way.

When I saw him fall backwards off his swing still in hysterics, I could no longer contain my own laughter as I fell forward, my hands covering my bright red face. I was laughing at myself for having been so certain he was a porn freak and being so obviously wrong. I kept laughing because he was rolling around in the dirt nearly in tears from laughing so hard. His laughter was contagious and was able to completely erase any bit of embarrassment I was left feeling. When he had finally gathered control of himself enough to sit up, I uncovered my face and looked into his eyes. The mask he normally wore completely absent from his beautiful smiling face.

"The only other option I came up with was a comic book collector," I said with a shrug, trying to keep a straight face. As expected this theory caused him to shake his head and start chuckling yet again.

"You're completely wrong on both accounts," he said with a cocky smirk across his face.

He pulled himself upright off the ground, only to bend over and attempt to brush all of the dust off his pants. It took all I had not to lean forward and help rub the dirt off of his perfect backside that was perched mere inches in front of my face. I locked my hands together in my lap and forced myself to turn away as I felt the blood rush to my cheeks yet again.

When I had gathered my composure, I turned back around to find him sitting his swing staring at me with an amused expression on his face.

My cheeks were still aflame, and I desperately hoped he hadn't caught my ogling of his rather remarkable behind. I offered him a timid smile hoping that if he had noticed, he wouldn't mention it. He shot an all-knowing smirk back at me yet didn't push the issue. Instead he turned to face forward and began to swing once again.

After a few moments of silence he looked back over at me, his eyes dancing with mischief. "You have any other guesses?" he asked playfully.

"No," I said laughing. "After the reactions you had from my first two guesses I think I'll just give up on that for the day. I'm not sure I want to admit any of my other theories."

"That's too bad. I rather enjoyed hearing your ideas," he teased as he moved his backpack around to his front and set it down on his lap playing with the zipper.

I rolled my eyes at him before crossing my arms across my chest in an effort to show offence, when really I just felt ridiculous for my earlier accusations. The longer I sat there silent, the more he played with his backpack, shifting it around onto his lap, undoing the various pocket zippers the teeniest bit to peek inside. My discomfort finally gave way when it dawned on me that he was actually sitting there playfully mocking me.

_You know what? Two can play that game mister._

I turned to face him. "Mock me all you want pretty boy. You are the one with an unhealthy attachment to a backpack. Honestly I think you should consider seeking out professional help for your rather obvious disorder."

He snorted raising a brow at me, "Says the woman with a ridiculous obsession with said man's backpack."

_Touché. But don't think your gonna win that easily though. I'm on to you now._

"Don't try to turn this around on me. I'm merely looking out for your wellbeing. You're the one with the real problem here," I said waving my finger at him.

"Trust me turning _this _around is the last thing I'm thinking about," he smirked.

_This? Why the emphasis on this? That doesn't make any sense. God he confuses me._

Ignoring his comment completely I asked, _"_Don't you know the first step on the road to recovery is admittance?"

"And what would you like me to admit?" he asked as he cocked his head to the side with that cocky smirk still in place.

"What's in the bag Edward," I demanded.

"My G.I. Joes collection of course," he declared in all seriousness.

"O-kay…" I said slowly. _Like I'm gonna believe that without proof. _"Can I see them?"

"You got some Barbie dolls to whip out? My men are lonely and could use a little company," he said with a wide smile as he winked at me.

"But G.I. Joes are like three inches tall. Barbie's a lot bigger than that. It doesn't even make sense for them to play together. The proportions are all wrong," I blurted out confused at his suggestion.

"Three inches my ass sweet cheeks. I'm packin' the full nine inch version."

My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open at his response.

_Is he...is he talking about his...no...he's talking about the actual toy...right?_

I could feel my cheeks bloom bright crimson as I turned away hoping he wouldn't notice my obvious mind in the gutter response.

_He's got to mean the toy. I mean nine inches? They're only supposed to be like…it would be...gah! What the hell is the matter with me? _

I shook my head trying to clear the dirty trail of thoughts out of my head. When I looked back over at him he was still staring at me questioningly, waiting for my response. I opened my mouth to speak but I had yet to return to the point where I was capable of forming appropriate words so I just closed it again.

"Sorry Bella. No Barbie, no G.I. Joe. I refuse bring 'em out if he'll have no one to play with," he stated with a straight face.

_Is he inferring…? No, he couldn't be. Just keep you mouth shut Bella. He's not propositioning you. Mind out of the gutter!_

I nodded and swallowed audibly and tried to maintain a composed face. Looking over at him with that shit eatin grin plastered on his face, it suddenly became very apparent to me what he was doing.

Narrowing my eyes at him I asked, "You're screwing with me aren't you?" I realized my poor choice in wording of that statement mere second later, and I felt my face flush yet again.

He started to snicker at me. "Yep, sure the fuck am," he admitted while giving me a crooked smile and throwing me yet another wink.

I folded my arms across my chest with a harrumph. _Smug bastard._

"You didn't actually think I walk around with a fuckin' doll in my bag did you?" he asked incredulously.

One look at my blushing face and there was no hiding the answer to his question.

Not wanting to leave him with the upper hand I turned back toward him looked him square in the eyes and said, "You know it doesn't even matter _what _you have in that dang bag. The fact still remains that you can't let go it even for a minute. You're _always_ wearing it." I smiled smugly, pretty proud of myself for knockin' him down a peg or two.

"So?" he said with a shrug.

_Ha! Got nothin' smart to say to that now do ya?_

"So? Do you ever take that thing off? Like ever?" I teased.

"Of course I take it off," he scoffed. "I do have to shower don't I? It's not like I run around smelling like a rancid piece of shit all day," he said laughing.

All it took was one mention of the word shower and my mind fell right back into the gutter I had just crawled my way out of. My eyes fell from his face unable to keep looking at him as images of his wet naked body flashed through my mind.

_I could feel the warm steam brush across my face as I pulled the edge of the curtain back and stepped into the tub. I lifted my gaze and there stood Edward, in all his masculine glory, surround by a thick cloud of steam. His head was tipped back as the water cascaded down his face washing the soap away. As his hands worked through his hair I could see his muscles at work flexing with every movement. My eyes traveled further down his body mesmerized by the soap bubbles that ran their way smoothly between his pecs swirling down further across each of the ripples of his abs all the way down to…_

I shook my head slightly, blinking rapidly trying to bring myself back from the daydream I had just gotten lost in. As my eyes began to take focus, I realized I had spaced out while staring at his chest. My face flushed, realizing there was no way it could have gone unnoticed by Edward. Just then, the left side of his chest twitched. I blinked rapidly assuming I must still be fantasizing. Again the left side of his chest twitched only this time it was followed by the right side as well. My eyes widened as I realized his pecs were dancing.

_God I didn't even realize they could do that!_

Momentarily forgetting my surroundings, yet again I spaced out, my eyes zoning in on his chest muscles waiting for them to move again. Seconds passes and still nothing. I bit my lip realizing I had let my imagination run wild and it was all in my head. All of the sudden they both twitched again. Twice. I nearly yelped in surprise. His chest was now shaking it was appeared to be laughter. That's when I realized it wasn't all in my head, and I had in fact yelped out loud.

"Why my dear sweet innocent Bella...were you just fantasizing about me in the shower, or do you routinely fucking space out like that?" he asked, smug as can be.

Refusing to give him the upper hand yet again despite my ever flaming red face I responded, "Why yes...yes I was. I was fantasizing about you taking off that stupid backpack."

"Now why would I do that?" he asked with an innocent smile.

"Because I'm not entirely sure you even can," I said narrowing my eyes at him.

"Oh I can, I just choose not to," he said as he smirked at me.

"Prove it! Take it off," I goaded him.

"Your just trying to get me fuckin' undressed!" he declared his eyes dancing with humor.

_Argh! Of course he went there._

"I am not!" I huffed.

"Besides, I've got nothing to prove to you" he said smugly.

"Fine!" I yelled exasperated throwing my hands up. "I dare you!"

"What are you like ten? Really Bella, a fucking dare?" he mocked.

"I fucking triple dog dare you" I growled at him.

He just sat there laughing at me. _I'll show you, ya stupid smug stubborn jackass!_

"Give up the backpack!" I snarled, lunging at the him.

Unfortunately for me, Edward saw it coming and took off up out of that swing like a bat out of hell. With my amazingly fast reflexes all I managed was to grasp was a fist full of dirt as I landed flat on my face. As I lifted my head off the ground I heard a light chuckle. I looked up to see Edward a mere few feet in front of me with a wide grin across his face, shaking his head at me. Trying to ignore him as best I could as I lifted myself off the ground and proceeded to brush the dust and dirt off of myself.

As my luck would have it, I managed to end up with one of those tiny pebble rocks stuck down my shirt. I tried to merely adjust my bra in hopes that I could dislodge the damn from in between my breasts. All this movement managed to accomplish was sending Edward into another bout of laughter as he realized what my issue was.

"Problems Bella? You look like you could use a hand," he said waggling his brows as me.

Concluding there was no inconspicuous way for me to go about it I gathered what little I had left of my dignity, jutted out my chin, and looked him square in the eye as my hand when down my shirt to retrieve the stupid thing. Once I had retrieved it, I held my hand up triumphantly before pulling it back and launching the blasted thing at him. The result was definitely not as I intended as it missed him by a good three feet. He grinned triumphantly, thinking he had won the battle. Little did he know I'm not nearly that easily discouraged. I charged after him again, this time making sure I had both feet planted firmly beneath me.

We raced across the playground, him easily keeping a safe distance ahead of me the entire time.

Edward managed to perch himself up atop of the center of the dome of monkey bars. At first, I had tried to reach him by jumping from down below hoping to snag one of his dangling feet, but my height gave me no such advantage as he merely laughed swinging his legs out of my reach each time I jumped. I climbed back out through the triangular hole and turned to stare at the bizarre structure, trying to figure out how to climb it without twisting an ankle or falling through the holes.

"You might as well give up now sweet cheeks," he called down to me. "There's no fuckin' way your going to be able to catch me."

"Well we can't all have the coordination of a frickin Olympian now can we," I said snidely. "Besides I lack the proper footwear."

He had to catch himself as he nearly fell off the bar after hearing that one. "Baby girl, a pair of Nike's ain't gonna do shit to help your clumsy ass keep up with me."

I scowled at him and proceeded to start the climb up the monkey bars. I had only made it half way up when he ever so gracefully dropped down through one of the holes and landed upright on his feet before shooting me a wide smile as if his little display was proving his point.

"See, now that's just not fair," I shouted at him, not the least bit impressed. Alright so I was impressed, but if I chose to dwell on it my mind would just end up back in the gutter.

I tried to climb back down the bars but didn't pull it off looking nearly as graceful as he had. But I had managed to make it back down on the ground without any embarrassing falls or injuries.

"Alright Edward. I may be willing to concede that I will not be able to catch you, but that in no way mean I'm giving up on this. I'll keep on chasing you around this playground if that's what it takes. You'll have to get tired at some point so just give up now and save yourself the trouble."

"Ohhh my dear sweet, naive Bella...I've got the stamina to go all fucking day," he said grinning like the Cheshire cat. "Maybe you're the one that should consider conceding."

"Never!" I yelled taking off after him once again. The last thing I wanted to do was sit here feeling humiliated for yet another sexual innuendo I had unknowingly set myself up for.

The next time we came to a standstill, I found myself in one of those large blue plastic tubes. My light at the end of the tunnel was Edward's arrogant chuckling face. How he managed to dive all the way through this damn tube in a matter of seconds with was beyond me. He made it look so simple I dove right in after him, only to find myself stopped half way through feeling like a beached whale. There was absolutely no way I could keep up with him, let alone catch him. I felt so defeated I couldn't even gather up the gumption to pull myself the rest of the way through the tube.

"Running out of steam there little girl?" he asked.

Sighing loudly I replied, "Yeah. You were right." I hated to admit that to him, but it was true. I tried to get some leverage with my feet to push myself forward but my shoes ended up slipping on smooth plastic, and I face planted once again. I just laid there for a minute refusing to pick up my head.

_God could this day get any more embarrassing?_

"Truce?" I heard Edward ask as his large hand appeared in front of my face. I looked up at him and found that all signs of arrogance faded away and had been replaced with a genuinely kind smile and soft sincere eyes.

"Truce," I agreed with a small smile, placing my hand in his as he gently pulled me out of the tube.

As we were walking down the steps of the jungle gym I felt Edward's hand lightly grasp my elbow to steady me. Goosebumps broke out along my arm from the small gesture. I looked up at him expecting the same glowing emerald eyes and soft smile that had graced his face just moments before. Instead I felt his hand suddenly drop from my elbow as his entire body tensed and his face quickly morphed back to the tight rigid mask I was accustomed to.

I followed his line of sight out across the street to see Jasper and Alice arm in arm making their way towards us. I wasn't sure if his sudden change in demeanor was due to the bursting of our private bubble, or the sight of Alice tucked firmly beneath Jasper's arm. Either way, it didn't bother me. I was happy for the time I'd had with him, and I was sure he would come around to the idea of Jasper and Alice being together. Jasper was a good man and would be a good influence on her. If anyone could turn her life around for the better it would be him.

I smiled at the two of them as they arrived at the car. I wanted nothing more than to reach my arms out and wrap Jasper in a huge hug to show him how incredibly happy I was for him. Though after everything that happened yesterday, I wasn't sure such a gesture would be received very well by Alice. The last thing I wanted to do was make this any harder on Jasper. So instead I reached out and opened the door of the car for the two of them. Jasper released Alice to let her climb in but not before leaving a lingering kiss on her cheek.

As she climbed into the car Jasper turned toward me with a questioning look and whispered, "You okay?"

I knew he was curious not only if I had been okay this afternoon with Edward but also making sure I was still okay with the new developments between him and Alice.

"Yes," I answered to both with a reassuring nod and smile.

The atmosphere in the car was drastically different this time around, and we all fell into easy conversation. As we drove down the street I gazed over at Edward and instead of the usual intense glance back in my direction I was met with a small smile and the slightest wink of his eye. I couldn't stop the wide smile that burst across my face in return.

The wall between us was gone and remained that way despite our return to the real world. Today he had lowered his guard down. He smiled. He laughed. He teased, albeit at my expense, but it didn't matter. He had frolicked around the playground like a school boy, free from the worry, the stress, the pressure he typically dwelled upon. Today I saw the man Edward Cullen could be if life would only give him the chance.

I knew we couldn't always be as carefree and relaxed with one another as we'd been this afternoon at the park, but I was confident that today wasn't the last I'd seen of the real Edward. I didn't have much I could offer to help our current situation in life, but this I could do. I would make sure that every day he would find a way to relax, drop his mask, and let that beautiful smile grace his face. I could be the friend he so desperately needed.

Thirty minutes later we pulled up in front of a quaint white two story home. The bushes out front were overgrown nearly up to the windows and the small bit of grass out front looked like it hadn't been mowed in weeks. There were bars on the windows and the paint chipping off the siding. We walked up the rickety wooden porch steps and Edward rapped on the front door twice before walking right in. I shuffled through the door after Alice and Jasper, quietly shutting the door behind me.

I'm not sure what exactly I was expecting to see, but this was definitely not it. The place had all the makings for a nice home, but like the outside lacked the proper upkeep. The living room was probably twice as big as Kyle and Mandy's which only meant there were more chairs and couches shoved into the space filled with even more bodies. In this room alone there was well over a dozen people, none of which I had ever met before. The end tables were filled with beer bottles and take out trash. The coffee table in the middle of the room was cleared of all trash, only to make way for the multiple bongs, pipes, and other various drug paraphernalia I wasn't familiar enough with to know the terms for.

A short curvy brunette with wild curly hair leapt off the couch upon seeing us enter and immediately ran over towards us.

"Eddie, Ali!" she screeched in a nasally tone.

She nearly tackled Edward with her enthusiast embrace. I found myself jealous of the ease of her actions, that she was confident and comfortable enough to greet in him such a way. The most I could normally manage was a smile and a wave from across the room. The only thing that made me feel the slightest bit better was that his response to her didn't carry even half the same enthusiasm. He wrapped his arms around her in a manner that looked more to steady himself against the force of the impact of her hug, and he quickly disengaged himself from her arms once her regained his balance. That of course didn't deter her from wrapping her arm around his waist as she turned to Alice.

"It's such a surprise to see you guys! What brings you two out to my neighborhood?" she asked.

"Well I missed you of course! And, there's someone I want to introduce you to," Alice replied as she grabbed Jasper's hand and pulled him forward. "This is Jasper." she declared, smiling widely.

"Ah, this is your Jasper. I've heard good things about you," she said as she winked at him. "Come on let's grab you guys a beer. I want to hear all about you Jasper." She reached right past me grabbing Jasper's arm and pulled him and Edward across the room toward the kitchen with Alice in tow behind them.

Jess was a warm welcoming host to everyone…except me. In fact, they forgot introductions with me altogether. I tried to not be offended or dwell on it as I followed them into the kitchen. Jess grabbed four bottle of beer out of the fridge before propping herself up on the kitchen counter. She spread her legs wide despite the fact that she was wearing a skirt and proceeded to slowly reach down between them to open the drawer beneath her to pull out a bottle opener, staring right at Edward as she did so.

_God that's not even sexy. At all. Could this girl be any more desperate?_

She popped the tops and handed two beers to Alice, one intended for Jasper, and another to Edward before raising the last beer to her own lips.

I just stood awkwardly in the doorway, shifting my weight from one foot to another, not really feeling comfortable enough to move further into the kitchen yet not really wanting to be left in the living room alone either. I obviously wasn't welcome here, being as Jess had purposely excluded me and no one else had even noticed my absence. As I was turning on my heel to leave the room Edward called out to me.

"Get your ass in here Bella. Have a beer," he said reaching out to hand me his own.

The floozy's eyes snapped in my direction as Edward spoke. "Oh sorry... you're so quiet I must have missed you. I'm Jess," she sneered.

"Bella." I replied quietly before stepping forward to take the beer from Edward's outstretched hand.

"Thanks," I mumbled as he pulled out a chair for me, before throwing me an encouraging wink.

He turned around and headed back to the fridge to grab another beer for himself. As Edward was leaning in behind the door of the fridge, I saw Jess pull something out of her pocket and quickly slip it into Alice's hand. Not wanting to cause any trouble I quickly looked away, taking another sip from my beer.

For the next couple of hours we all sat around the table drinking and getting to know one another. People were wandering in and out of the kitchen as the evening went on, some stopping to greet Alice while others made a beeline for Edward, pulling him out of the room on more than one occasion. Alice was off in her own little world, chattering away with Jess and anyone else who walked into the room that she knew, and pulling Jasper into her conversation at every chance she got. Jess was not so discreetly trying to flirt with Edward whenever he was in the room. I didn't say much because I still didn't feel very comfortable. Truthfully, I felt like an outsider, observing everyone else interact and pathetically waiting for my moment to be included although it never came.

At one point Alice leaned over, whispering something in Jess's ear before standing up and declaring she had to use the restroom. Now that Alice was no longer absorbing all of her attention, Jess took the opportunity to reach over and grab a hold of Edward's arm. "Come outside with me Eddie," she cooed.

"Right behind ya...I got somethin I need to ask ya anyway," he agreed, much to my surprise. As he stood up she wrapped her arm around his waist and pulled him out the door giggling.

With the kitchen all but empty, Jasper turned his attention toward me for the first time tonight.

"You've been kinda quiet all evenin' doll face. What's up?" he asked imploringly.

"Nothing Jazz. I'm fine," I replied attempting to smile, although I'm sure it came off as more of a grimace.

Seeing through my façade immediately, his face turned to one of concern. "What's wrong Bella? Are you upset about me and Alice?"

"No, no that's not it at all," I replied shaking my head. "It's just this place is new and there are a lot of new people. You and Alice were wrapped up in your own little world having a nice time with each other meeting new people. No one was really talking to me. I just…I felt out of place, and I didn't want to intrude," I admitted while fighting back tears.

"Aww Bella. You should know you are never intruding when it comes to me. Never," he said leaning over to catch my tears with his thumbs.

"Come here," he said as he grabbed my wrists and pulled me out of my chair over into his lap so he could wrap his arms around me.

"I know Jazz," I mumbled into his neck. "It's just this is all so new, that's all. And I was just trying to give you space. I know how much she means to you."

"Hey, hey, hey," he said pulling back slightly so he could cradle my face in his hands. "She may be my girl, but you are my sister. I love you Bella, and I will always be here for you when you need me," he reassured me, staring into my still damp eyes.

"What the fuck Bella?" Alice screamed interrupting us. I leapt out of Jasper's lap, startled by her shrill voice. "I leave the room for one fucking minute and you hop right up on his goddamn lap?"

"Alice I didn't…I wasn't," I stammered before being cut off by her yelling once again.

"You're such a _bitch_, you know that? Can't handle that someone new has come into Jasper's life. Gotta try to lay claim on your turf. He's with _me_ now Bella. Did he fuckin tell you that? That means he's _mine_," she growled stalking towards me as I cringed, backing up into the counter behind me.

By this time both Edward and Jess had come back inside because of all the commotion. Jasper jumped between us holding his hands out, making sure to keep some distance between Alice and myself.

"Alice _stop_," he yelled. "She knows that you and I are together. There is nothing goin' on here. I pulled her into my lap. It was just a friendly hug," he insisted.

"I know what I saw. Fuck you both," she spat before storming out of the room.

Jasper looked back at me clearly torn as to what to do, who to comfort.

"Go to her Jasper. I'm fine," I insisted.

Without another word Jasper took off out of the room after her. I let out a frustrated sigh and closed my eyes, running my hands through my hair as if that could help alleviate some of my stress.

When I reopened my eyes I found myself face to face with a very concerned looking Edward.

"I'm fine," I reiterated. "It was nothing really. Just another misunderstanding with Alice," I said with a small smile.

"What the fuck happened this time?" he asked obviously more upset about the entire exchange than I was.

"It was my fault. I was uncomfortable here the whole night and I was telling Jazz about it and I got upset. So he pulled me into his lap to give me a hug. That's when Alice walked in the room," I explained with a grimace.

"I don't know what her goddamn fucking problem is, but that was not your fault Bella, you know that right?"

I merely shrugged my shoulders in response.

Sighing loudly he turned to the fridge and grabbed a case of beer. "Come on baby cakes...let's go for a walk and let shit cool down around here for a while," he said as he grabbed my hand and led me out the door.


	10. Chapter 11

**AN****:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

EPOV

_Porno addict…Bella thought I was fucking addicted to porn…PORN! What the fuck kind of shit was that?! Did I really look like a 20 year old man toting his bag of mags and lube around with him so he could drop trough and fucking whack off at any given moment of the day? Oh hey…look it's a dumpster…What a perfect place to rub one out to some airbrushed tits on goddamn paper…I think not…_

Now I'm not gonna say that I've never done the knuckle shuffle…hell, find me a guy who says he hasn't and I'll show you a jackass that spends his weekends in the nude in front of the tv cause he can't detach his fucking hand from his cock. Now _that's _a motherfucking porno addict…the ones that can't admit that they get their jollies off manually on occasion. It's always the ones that can't admit it that rock their own fucking worlds religiously. It's the frequency with which they indulge their pleasure that makes them feel as though it's some abhorred activity and therefore inhibits them from saying a simple "Why yes, I do masturbate on occasion. Don't you?" Fuckin' splooges.

The plain simple truth here though, is that once she claimed to know what I was, I fucking freaked. I really thought she had me pinned…and then she busted out with porn addict. I about died right there. I don't think I've ever fucking laughed that goddamn hard at anything…sober or otherwise. I have to admit though, part of my laughter was paranoid as all goddamn get out. Had she heard me while I was in the shower? I had thought I'd stayed pretty silent through my indulgences recently, but maybe I hadn't? Well fuck me…if I wasn't, it was her goddamn fault anyways. I hadn't whacked off in forever before she showed up. Since then, it'd become part of my goddamn daily shower routine.

Call me a deviant, call me a fucking addict, I don't give a shit. I did that shit out of pure fucking necessity so I wouldn't walk around with a raging hard on 24 fucking 7. Emptying the damn chamber before starting my day was the only way I had of ensuring the safety of those around me that I wouldn't shank them with the lethal weapon hidden in my fucking shorts.

Where the fuck was I going with this? Shit…you see people…_this _is why you shouldn't do drugs. I can't even remember where the hell I was going with all this shit. Fucking genius IQ my ass…I'm not even fucking stoned and I can't keep my thought pattern straight….then again maybe that's because she's right fucking _next _to me walking down this dark ass road and I can _never _keep my shit collected when she's around.

_Fuck…at least this time she isn't staring at the goddamn bag on my back…THE BAG! Shit, that's what I was thinking about!…_

I'm still not exactly sure how it happened, but a serious conversation about the bag turned into the two of us fucking frolicking around a goddamn playground like two carefree fools. For the first time, in what felt like forever, I dropped my mask and let myself just fucking _be _for once…and it was goddamn amazing. I teased and taunted, joked and laughed, and enjoyed every goddamn minute of fucking reprieve that she had granted me. Whatever this thing was that was between us, whether it was destined to be just friendship or something more at some point, I realized there was nothing I could do to fucking stop it. It was like a goddamn freight train moving at full speed and there was nothing I or anyone else could do to stop it, because it was just _there_…all up in your fucking face and completely _natural_ and shit. There was no awkwardness or nervousness in our actions. We just fucking _were_ and that was some scary ass shit.

I'd been a complete goddamn fool to try and deny that there was anything happening between us. I'd tried rationalizing her sly glances and longing looks and shit over and over again over the last two weeks, chocking it up to her obsession with my fucking backpack, or her wanting to have more friends, to have someone to rely on other than just Jasper, but in one afternoon all of my musings had been turned to shit. I saw the way she responded to my risqué comments. I saw the blushes she tried to hide, and I sure as shit didn't fucking miss the dazed look on her face after mentioning the shower. I couldn't help flexing my pecs when her eyes flickered down to my chest. Fuck me…whatever she had been picturing in that beautiful head of hers had her practically fucking drooling right in front of me…completely entranced and shit, and of course in typical Edwardian douche bag form, I silently wondered if she'd like to see another muscle that I could twitch at will.

It pissed me the fuck off that all I'd ever be able to offer her was friendship. I'd never be good enough to be anything more. She may be attracted to me on a physical level, but if she knew every dark corner of my soul, she'd see me entirely differently. I had no fucking doubt that one day it would happen. That other goddamn shoe would fall and all my shit would be bared for her to see, and I knew that when that day came…my life would cease to have any goddamn meaning at all. The day she looked at me in disgust would be the day my miserable fucking life ended. Part of me wanted that day to come before I could dig myself in any deeper than I already had and the other part of me wanted it to never come at all.

That girl is like my personal fucking kryptonite. She's steadfastly broken _every_ damn one of my barriers and managed to find a way to inhibit me from putting them back in place, regardless of how I _know_ it will turn out badly down the road. In the one damn moment when I could have turned it all around, in the car heading to Jess's house when I'd been putting my guard back up, I fucking smiled and winked at her when I could have remained stoic as ever and pretended that _none_ of that shit had happened at the park. I could have put us right back to where we'd been earlier that day. Right back to that awkward place of more than acquaintances and less than friends, but I couldn't fucking do it. I wanted it too much. I wanted there to be someone in my life that I didn't have to act around, that I didn't have to completely hide myself behind a false cloak of strength, indifference, and straight up fuck off. I wanted to know, that even if for the briefest of times, there was _one _fucking person who knew me…who knew the _real_ me.

Fuck, even Alice didn't know the real me. The only part of the real person buried under the mountain of bullshit that comprised my walking form that she knew was my protectiveness of her. I didn't have very many loved ones, but the ones I had I would have protected with my life. She didn't really know anything about the rest of the person buried somewhere deep in there. The one that knew how to joke around and laugh. The one that enjoyed life and found the small things in it to be grateful for. The one that didn't act like they had a stick shoved up their fucking ass 24/7. Hell, before the park, I had all but forgotten that _that_ part of me even existed. The only other person in my entire life that had been able to draw that out of me had been Emmett, and when I walked out on my life I had walked out on him too, leaving behind the only person that really knew me and I wanted that shit back.

"Edward? Where are we going?" Bella asked, cutting off my internal musings and bringing me back to the present.

"There's a playground a few blocks up. I figured we could park it there for a while…let things cool down back at the house," I replied, keeping my gaze straight ahead as we strutted up the street.

"What were you thinking about so hard? You've been silent since we left the house," she said lightly as she bumped her shoulder into my arm. I smiled down at her, unable to refrain from doing so, and shrugged.

"Real people," I answered vaguely. I almost chuckled as her brow furrowed up at me.

"_Real _people? Aren't all people real? I mean we're not myths or legends or what have you," she pondered aloud and a chuckle escaped me as I shook my head.

"Not what I meant. I meant real as in they aren't pretending to be something they're not," I clarified and she nodded as we turned the corner.

"I think most, if not all, people have parts of themselves that they keep hidden from others. I don't think it makes anyone any less _real_ or anything…it just makes them layered. You know…kind of like an onion. Some people have a tough, flaky, dried out outer layer, but inside you'll find the real flesh of the person, and depending on who they are in there…they can bring you to tears when you…cut them?" She rambled excitedly when she thought of her perfect analogy, although she faded out towards the end, unsure and laughing at the end result of her explanation. It was absurd, but I understood where she was going with it...somewhat anyway.

"So you believe that _every _person is composed of layers, some false and some real?" I questioned, sincerely interested in her view of the human race. If you'd asked me the same question I would have undoubtedly said no. I believed that people were fell into two categories, real and fake, and generally speaking, I found ninety nine percent of all fucking humanity to lie within the latter classification.

"Are we speaking candidly or hypothetically?" she responded with a slight quirk of her brow. I chuckled lightly and pointed at a bench off to the side of the playground as I answered quickly, "Candidly, please. I think if we took the philosophical route we may be out here til we're fucking old and gray."

"Then no…I don't believe _every_ person is composed of some false and some real layers. Some are just plain old flaky…though I tend to believe that they hadn't always been that way. I mean everything in life has a process right? Whether it be growth or decay," she laughed as she plopped down on the bench unceremoniously.

"Interesting theory there Plato," I joked as I opened a beer and handed it to her before opening one of my own.

"Why Plato?" she asked instantly. I turned toward her on the bench and she mirrored my action as she waved a hand in the air in a somewhat circular pattern as she spoke. "I mean, I get that he was a philosopher and all but what does that have to do with what we're talking about?"

"I called you Plato because he believed that duality existed in all living things and that it was only those who were able to see the dual nature of reality that were fit to rule the land. Like take a horse for example. In Plato's time, his teachings suggested that we knew what a horse was by our soul's recollection of it from a time previous to our births, but the average person would only see the horse as just that…a horse. Whereas a wise man would see it for what it really is, a creature that can be both wild and tame at the same time. It exists in pure constant duality."

"I tend to think more along the lines of Aristotle who once said "no animal has, at the same time, both tusks and horns." I believe that it's somewhat impossible to be both fake and real at the same time. Theoretically speaking, if real were represented by tusks, and fake by horns, I have yet to see a person who dons both tusks and horns simultaneously," I replied and she laughed her ass off…not exactly the response I was going for there.

"Edward," she chuckled. "I seriously hope you haven't been looking for people walking around with tusks and horns cause I don't think you'll find em unless it's Halloween or something," she laughed and I joined in.

"I get what you're saying though, and I kind of agree to some point. It would seem rather impossible for one to be real while at the same time acting in a way which is in direct opposition of who they truly are," she mused and I found myself utterly breathless.

_Holy shit…she really got it. Fuck me…she actually fucking understood me…through all that goddamn ancient philosopher bullshit she fucking comprehended what I was trying to say…_

"But I don't think that it doesn't mean that somewhere deep within themselves the real part of them still exists. Think of it this way, sometimes we force ourselves to do things that we don't wish to do because they need to be done. In those times, are we truly contradicting who we really are or is it possible that we can remain our true selves inside while outwardly doing something out of character for us?" she continued, and then looked at me expectantly.

I didn't know what to say. For once in my goddamn life I was fucking stunned silent. Never before had I come across a person…fuck that…a goddamn _intellectual_, that could even begin to understand the shit I rambled about, much less debate the bullshit and make perfect fucking sense while doing so. Was it possible for someone to be both genuine and artificial at the same fucking time? Was it possible, that even though I viewed myself as one of the most disingenuous motherfuckers out there, that on some level deep within myself, I remained true to who I was even though I'd forgotten who the fuck that was? Could she see right through me? Was she calling me out on my bullshit exterior?

Of all the things I had noticed about her over the last two weeks, her fucking intelligence wasn't one of them. I might have picked up on it if she'd have fucking _spoken_ openly at any goddamn point to me, but no…her inherent shyness and nervousness banned me from getting a glimpse into that beautiful mind of hers…and at that moment, I suddenly felt incredibly fucking deprived.

"I don't know," I breathed, still goddamn floored by the fragile girl sitting across from me who was once again fucking laughing.

"That's quite an articulate answer," she chuckled.

"Shut it. I'm not used to debating shit with people who can actually keep up with it, so I'm fucking at a little fuckin' loss for words at the moment. You should be proud. You're the first person to ever silence me with intelligence…most people take the route of stupidity to stun me," I laughed, breaking myself out of my stunned stupor.

"Funny…I never pictured you as the philosopher type," she said softly, smiling shyly and focusing on her fingers as they traced the rim of her beer can.

"There's a lot you don't know about me, and I you apparently. I never would have guessed you to be a master debater," I joked, running my hand through my hair to avoid reaching out to tuck the lock of hair that was swinging in front of her face in the breeze, and driving me fucking insane I might add, behind her ear.

"I have to admit I'm a little rusty. I haven't debated much since freshman year of high school, and Jasper isn't very big on philosophy or theory for that matter. He's a history buff and I don't care much for history," she said with a slight shrug.

"Rusty or not, you still wiped the floor with my ass just now," I praised. Her slight smile widened as she looked up at me through her lashes. If there was anything I ever wanted to tell her in that moment, it was how goddamn inconceivably beautiful she was.

The shitty yellowish light from the street lamp lit up her skin, making it glow as though she were shroud in candlelight with soft shadows falling across the left side of her face every time she turned her head away from the light, offering me the chance to take in every delicate line of her features in profile. The gentle slope of her forehead, the slight dip into the bridge of her nose that rounded off perfectly at the tip, the curves of her lips, her top one slightly plumper than the bottom one, and the slope curving from the base of her lower lip down and around her dainty chin. She was absolutely breathtaking, the uncomfortable hard on I was sporting in my shorts a true testament to her beauty being that I was only looking at her fucking _face_.

_Jesus Christ it's gonna be a long walk back…Looks like it'll be another double shower day cause I'm a dirty motherfucker…_

"Can I ask you something?" she ventured hesitantly after a few moments. I nodded to her silently and took a long pull off my beer.

"How do you deal with all of it? I mean I've seen the way Alice lashes out…how can you stand it?" she asked, twisting a frayed string that was hanging from her cutoff jean shorts and avoiding looking up at me.

"Same way any person deals with hardships…one day at a fucking time. Better question here is how are _you _dealing with all of it? She hasn't been very easy on you these last few days and I'm sorry for that. I know you have a hard enough time dealing with all the bullshit that surrounds us constantly and her adding to it doesn't fucking help at all," I replied quickly.

"I've been trying to stay out of her way for the most part. I figure if I stay quiet and don't say anything when she starts making her comments or when she's acting differently then I can avoid something escalating out of control over nothing," she replied with a saddened tone.

"Fuck that baby girl. Stand your goddamn ground around her. She may be my sister, but the shit she's been pulling lately is utterly fucking ridiculous. Don't let her walk all over you when she gets into her fits of bullshit. Tell her to fuck off once in a while…it'll do her some good," I retorted, trying not to let my anger seep into my tone. I wasn't angry at _her_ for bearing the brunt of my sister's fucking insanity.

"I can't do that," she replied softly and looked up at me. "I know it's not really _her_ when she acts that way. It's the _drugs_," she spat. "I just don't understand why she still does them. I mean doesn't she see the way she changes when she's on them? It's a damn cop out…they don't really let her escape or anything, and all she does is hurt the people that care about her so why does she still do it?" she asked and I tensed with the disdain in her voice. It was all the fucking proof I'd ever need that she'd fucking hate me the day she found out what I did to make money.

"How do you know she's on drugs when she acts that way? Has she done them in front of you?" I asked, so furious with the possibility that Alice was doing them right in her face when we weren't around that it completely overshadowed my despair over how she'd react when she found out the truth about me. The last fucking thing I needed was Alice being all tweaked out and shit and leaving the both of them completely vulnerable.

"No! No she's never done it in front of me," she said quickly with a panicked expression as she shook her head vehemently. "It's just that every time she explodes like that or acts all bitchy she's all twitchy and disheveled looking and stuff…kinda like the other people that are always around and she doesn't act like _that_ when all she's been doing is drinking. I may not know exactly what she's doing, but I _know _it's more than just drinking."

"I'm not sure that Alice does it to escape, as you put it. I don't know what got her started into it in the first place. All I know is that she started hanging out with the wrong people freshman year of high school and she went straight fucking downhill from there. Jess was one of them. Her and this girl Lauren were her best friends in high school, and as you see not much has changed between them," I said and rolled my eyes as I tipped my head back to down the rest of my beer. I tossed the empty can towards the trash can as I belched and Bella laughed as I victory punched the air when it went in the can smoothly.

"Impressive…belch shots are ten pointers, but that belch was a little weak," she snickered and I laughed.

"Think you can beat me?" I smirked, seriously doubting her ability to do so.

"You're on tough guy," she said with narrowed eyes and then proceeded to tip her head back and chug the rest of her beer, giving me a splendid view of the creamy skin of her neck.

_Fuck me…I could spend all night licking and kissing her neck…_

She stood as she brought the empty can back down and did some weird stretch and chicken arm flapping combo shit before smirking at me as she lifted her arm and prepared to toss the empty can. I laughed at her cockiness but was abruptly cut off by the loudest fucking belch I'd ever heard making its way out of her throat. Now most would think that anything I had found to be sexy about this girl would have instantly vanished during that display, but sadly…I damn near came in my pants. Come to think of it, I just may have actually blown that load because when she turned and winked at me and said "Honey hand me another beer cause I'm just getting started," I fucking shuddered. _Shuddered_ people…like a fucking pussy ass virgin that's just been touched for the first goddamn time.

"Where in the _fuck_ did you learn to belch like that? You missed the trash can by the way," I laughed as I tossed her another can. This girl never ceased to amaze me.

"Eh…I usually get my points from the belches not the actual shots," she chuckled as she plopped back down and pulled the tab on the can and slurping up the foam that spewed out. "There's not a whole lot to do at night in abandoned buildings so Jasper and I learned to entertain ourselves. Belching contests were something that provided hours of amusement."

"Man I'm gonna have to step up my game to keep up with that level of talent," I chuckled.

"Did you always bounce around between people's places, or is that a recent thing?" she asked as she shifted so she was sitting Indian style and leaned forward with her elbows on her thighs.

"At first, I spent a good number of nights in my car. I knew a few people from high school that had managed to end up in this area after dropping out so I kind of just drifted until I found them. That's when I started bouncing around from place to place. Before Alice showed up I had been having a good run with the money flow and was able to pay for a motel room nightly, but that all disappeared practically overnight. One thing right after another happened and before I knew it, all of my savings were gone and Ali showed up. We've been hopping around ever since just trying to stay afloat," I told her, shrugging it off as though it wasn't a big deal. Deep down I knew better. It was a huge deal.

Had I not fucked that chick, I wouldn't have had my arm broken and lost all my savings and probably could have gotten us a shitbox apartment right off the bat. When it was just me I didn't really have a need for one. I was doing fine just getting by with what I had, and was perfectly fucking content saving up my money so I could set myself up to start living my life the right way. First with an apartment and money to get me by until I found a legitimate fucking job, and then possibly looking into going to school for some shit to have a steady fucking income…but all that shit disappeared instantly. Ah…the fuckery that is hindsight. If only you could fucking see what was going to happen as clearly as you could see the shit _after _it already fucking happened. Bullshit. Would it fucking kill someone to even that shit out with some goddamn foresight here and there?

"Did your parents kick you out too like they did Alice? I mean you don't party like she did…or does whatever," she said and I laughed humorlessly.

"No they didn't kick me out. I walked out the very minute I turned eighteen…like literally the fucking minute it struck midnight," I said and her brow furrowed at me.

"But why? From what Alice told me, you guys had the ideal childhood," she said with a confused expression.

"Baby girl…what's ideal to some is hell for others. I grew up believing that my father's philandering ways were the reason my mother committed suicide, and then he replaced her instantly with a stepford wife that tried to take my mother's place in my life. Add to that family members that despised me because of my parentage, and a healthy dose of hatred for damn near everyone surrounding me aside from Alice, and I couldn't get the fuck out of there quick enough," I said, counting off the bullshit on my fingers, full on fucking amazed that I was able to say this shit out loud to her without feeling the usual rage fucking flood my system.

I had long passed the point where thinking about it caused me any type of despair, and I just chose not to fucking talk about it to anyone…not even Alice. There was no point in fucking dwelling on what should have been when all you were left with were the crumbled remains of what had once been. Talking about that shit only ever fucking pissed me off, and I had enough shit in my life to boil my blood on a daily basis. This shit didn't need to continuously fuel the fires beneath the surface.

"Wait…you said you grew up believing it…does that mean you believe differently now?" she asked. My head dropped back as I groaned, almost wishing in that moment she wasn't as intelligent as she is. Any of the usual fucking twits I was accustomed to being around would have bypassed that shit without a second thought…but no…not Ms. I Actually Have an IQ above 2 Fucking Swan.

"No…I don't believe that anymore, but it doesn't make me any fucking less angry with him either," I nearly growled as I glared at the stars above us, feeling the flames of my rage beginning to lick at my veins as it coursed through me.

"Then why are you so angry with him?" she asked and my head shot up, angry eyes landing on her soft imploring ones, and an enraged retort burning on the tip of my tongue.

"I'm sorry…I'm being nosy. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Just forget I asked," she said frantically, looking petrified. Knowing that it was my glare in her direction that sent her into a panic was like having a damn truckload of goddamn ice dumped on me and I fucking hated myself for ever looking at her that way.

"Sorry…I'm not used to talking to people about this shit. Really it's okay. I'll make a deal with you. We'll do this shit quid pro quo. I'll tell you why I hate my father and you tell me why you left yours. Deal?" I asked, needing to level the fucking playing field between us before I spoke the words that _no_ fucking person had ever heard come from my mouth. She nodded and I closed my eyes, preparing to expose myself in the most vulnerable way to this girl that I barely fucking knew. I had just taken a breath to start talking when her voice floated into my ears and my eyes shot open.

"I left because he beat me," she said softly and looked up to meet my gaze. I remained silent and watched as she chugged the rest of her second can of beer and tossed it aimlessly before flexing her fingers at me repeatedly, asking me silently for another one. I handed it to her and waited still, knowing that she'd begin talking again when she was ready.

"It started after my mother was killed by a drunk driver on her way to pick Jasper and I up from school. It was my birthday," she said, meeting my eyes and flashing the saddest fucking smile I'd ever seen in my damn miserable life.

"He started drinking shortly after her funeral and I had to start doing everything around the house that she had usually done. The laundry, the cooking, the cleaning…all of it. I was thirteen," she said as she started fucking with that damn string on her shorts again.

"How bad was it?" I asked, dreading what she was going to say but fucking needing to hear it at the same goddamn time. I'd had a pretty good idea of just how bad it was when Jasper had brought it up but refused to say much about it.

"In the beginning, he would just yell. Sometimes he would throw stuff around, but it usually didn't come in my direction. The more he drank the worse it got though. I tried to make sure that the house was always clean and that there was always dinner on the table when he came home. Anything to try and make it easier for him because I knew he was hurting bad and missing her terribly. I missed her too, but I was so angry with him at the time for how he was dealing with everything that I never got the chance to actually mourn her. I had to just keep going like it hadn't happened and the only time I could let it out was when he wasn't around," she said, avoiding my question almost completely as she rambled nervously.

"Bella…how bad was it?" I asked again, reaching across to grab a hold of her hand that had started trembling as she fiddled with that stupid fucking string.

"Oh God…Edward it was so bad," she sobbed suddenly. I sat my beer down behind me and pulled her across the bench and into my lap as she dropped her can of beer on the ground and she instantly folded herself into my embrace.

"Let it out baby girl," I cooed, rubbing her back and squeezing my eyes shut, bracing myself for the inevitable fucking rage I'd be feeling with her words.

"It started with just a slap across the face because I burnt dinner. I was so used to timing the meals to when he'd walk in the door that I hadn't realized I was burning it when he came home late. He had gone to a bar after work and I had been trying to get the laundry done while the roast was in the oven and it was a mess by the time he came home," she spluttered, her words slurring and breaking through her sobs.

"It only got worse from there. He'd say horrible things after hitting me, like if I hadn't been born she'd still be alive, and any time I did something wrong he'd be quick to tell me that she could have done it with her eyes closed and I must have been a fucking moron to have messed it up," she continued, fisting my shirt as I hugged her tighter to my chest.

"Shhh…just breathe baby. It'll be alright. I got you and I won't let anyone hurt you," I said, hoping to soothe her even though at that moment I wanted nothing more than to find her fucking father and beat him within an inch of his fucking life.

I continued to rub her back and even started humming to her to help her calm down. _Fucking humming_! Shit I didn't know what the fuck to do. On tv you always saw people humming and shit to wailing babies. I was so out of my fucking league with this comfort bullshit…but for her I'd do it. My balls may crawl up inside me and turn my shit into a fucking mangina, but if it calmed her down I'd deal with fishing that shit out later.

She eventually did end up calming down, whether it was because of the damn humming or just because she had cried it out I'll never fucking know, but goddamn, as soon as she stood up I was checking myself for a loss of equipment. I wasn't ready to be the next tranny walking around these streets, and honestly, I don't think I'd make a very attractive fucking chick. Scary…most definitely. Attractive…yeah probably right up there in the ranks of that jackass Simon, or Simone as he liked to be called, that frequently strutted up and down the main strip in giant stilettos, pleather mini skirts and tube tops. Thank god she started fucking talking again…I was seriously close to fucking vomiting at the thought of unwillingly becoming Edwina, local skag and Simone's bestest BFF.

"The months leading up to when I ran away it seemed like it was a daily occurrence. He'd come home from wherever he went after losing his stupid job, enraged about one thing or another and take it all out on me while saying hateful things. It didn't matter what I was doing, he'd find me and lay into me for no reason at all. He was fucking smart about it too…always careful not to mark areas that could be seen readily. But he fucked up. The last night I was there he lost control during his assault at some point and smashed my face into a wall," she sniffled as her eyes closed and a violent shudder ripped through her. I wiped the tear tracks from her face and ran the backs of my fingers from her temple to her jaw before picking my can of beer up and taking a long pull as she continued talking.

"When he finally walked away, I scrambled into my room and locked the door before climbing out of my window and meeting up with Jasper like I did almost every night. I didn't think to look in the mirror before I ran out and as soon as he saw my face…he knew. He knew that I'd been lying about how I was getting the bruises he'd seen. I felt bad about lying to him about it, but I didn't want him stressing over everything even more than he was already. His home life was shit, and Charlie forbid us from hanging out together just weeks after my mother's funeral…it was just one more thing on top of everything else that had already been screwing up our lives. I left with him that night because he refused to let me go back, and I never did. He snuck into the house a few days later when Charlie left and grabbed me some clothes so I could stop wearing his, and that was the last time we ever saw that house…or Charlie," she finished, trying to shrug it off nonchalantly as she snatched my beer from my hand and downed the remains of it.

It was during her final stretch of her story that I realized just how fucking goddamn strong she was emotionally, and how different we were in how we dealt with the shortcomings in our lives. She fucking cried it out and moved on whereas I fucking raged relentlessly. I may be stronger than her physically speaking, but emotionally and mentally, that tiny little girl could whoop my ass with both hands tied behind her back. I was a goddamn pussy compared to her when it came to dealing with bullshit. I hadn't lived through a fraction of what she did and I fucking ran like a little bitch. She had her ass whooped routinely and stayed…and probably would have continued to fucking stay if Jasper hadn't stopped her from going back.

I gained a tremendous amount of respect for him as a man hearing her story, but it didn't stop me from thinking he was a fucking retard for getting involved with Ali…much less for how he was jacking shit up with the amazing girl in my lap. Fucking tart. I swear the guy's missing some brain cells somewhere. Maybe he inhaled one too many fungi spores in one of the warehouses or some shit.

"Sorry…I didn't mean to break down like that. It's been forever since I've talked about that stuff," she said quietly.

"Don't be sorry…cause I won't be when I climb up in your lap while telling you my bullshit," I said, forcing a chuckle to try and lighten the mood. She scoffed and bumped her shoulder into my chest as she shook her head while hiding it with one of her hands.

"Should we just switch positions now? I'm warning you though…I'm pretty fucking heavy and your legs might go numb," I joked, and earned a soft laugh from her.

"All joking aside…if you ever need to talk, you know you can come to me with anything right?" I asked, hoping she knew that she could.

"Yeah, I'm pretty aware that after this I can probably say just about anything to you. Thank you…for listening," she said and then shocked the shit out of me by kissing my cheek and wrapping her arms around my shoulders to hug me. I was still goddamn beside myself when she slid off my lap and grabbed another beer before taking her previous seat on the bench. As soon as I came back to my senses I reached down quickly and checked to make sure I hadn't shriveled up and turned into a fucking girl within the last half hour or so.

"What the hell was that all about?" she guffawed as she pointed to my crotch that I'd just been basically fucking manhandling. I couldn't even pass that shit off as a discreet adjustment. Nope…I had to go all out fucking panicked grope-fest on myself right in front of her like a jackass.

"I was checking to make sure I didn't suddenly become the owner of a fancy new mangina," I chuckled as I shrugged. It's not like I fucking dropped trough or some shit right in front of her or anything.

"O-kay…I'm not even going to ask," she laughed as she rolled her eyes. "So, quid quo pro…I told you why I hate my father, why do you hate yours?" she asked, cracking her beer open and taking a sip.

"Yeah…thanks for going first by the way…now I'll just look like a giant pussy," I laughed, reaching down to grab another beer out of the case that I'd toted along with us.

My brow furrowed when I reached in and realized that it was already half gone. I looked around, wondering where the fuck our beer had gone, knowing that I'd only had two and she'd finished my second one. There was no fucking way she drank four fucking beers and wasn't slurring or swaying yet. I'd come to notice that around three she started buzzing hardcore…and that's when I realized that she hadn't actually drank all of them. The one she'd dropped had been nearly full, the bit she finished out of mine was only a quarter of one if that, and she had just started drinking what would be her full third can. I'd need to cut her ass off soon before I ended up having to carry her all the way back…not that I'd really be opposed to it or anything, but she'd feel like complete shit in the morning.

"And I look like a giant retard for keeping my mouth shut about it for so long…what's your point?" she said after snorting and rolling her eyes.

"Regardless of how stupid it was of you not to say something to someone about what was happening to you…it takes a lot more balls to stay than it does to fucking walk out like I did," I said as I pulled the tab on my can.

"Yeah and I'm sure we can argue that point all night long but it won't get us any closer to the reason you hate your father," she said as she pointed at me with her beer clad hand. I rolled my eyes and leaned my side against the back of the bench as I rested my arm on the top of it.

"I hate him for a multitude of reasons. First and foremost because it makes me sick to think that he claims to have loved my mother but within a year of her death he was remarried already. How can you claim to love someone but you're able to move on so fucking quickly from them? If he really loved her like he repeatedly said he did, it wouldn't have been that fucking easy for him. Being with someone else would have been the last thing on his mind in my opinion," I said. She did some weird nod/head shake combo as her face scrunched up and I chuckled lightly at the sight of it.

"What?" I asked, curious as to what she was fucking thinking.

"Have you ever stopped to think that maybe his way of dealing with his loss was by trying to fill the void that her absence left behind?" she asked and I quirked a brow at her.

"Would you run off with the next man to cross your path if the supposed love of your life passed away?" I asked incredulously.

"Probably not, but I'm not him and neither are you," she pointed out. "Did you ever ask him why he moved on so soon afterwards?"

"No…I didn't fucking care _why_ he did it. I probably never would have thought anything of it seeing as how young I was when it happened. I was only months old, if that, when it happened," I said with a shrug of indifference.

"Months old? How in the hell did you come to the conclusion that he cheated on her then?" she wailed, bewildered with furrowed brows and her hands lifted out in front of her. I looked straight in her chocolate fucking eyes and braced myself for the onslaught of memories that would flood my brain when I closed my eyes and told her exactly how everything in my world had fallen apart in a matter of minutes. Within moments of closing my eyes, I was fucking lost in a dizzying flashback of that fateful fucking night.

_I could have been no more than ten at the time, and our parents had taken us out to a movie and dinner just like they had every Friday night for about as long as I could remember. Mom and Dad had just placed our orders and Alice and I were busying ourselves by coloring on the back of a placemat when I looked up and saw a woman storming up to our table with a man behind her trying to hold her back. Dad had said something to Mom about taking us next door to the arcade to play a few games before dinner, but the woman made it to the table and started screaming before Mom could even get us out of the booth we were sitting in. _

"_Sit your tramp ass down," the woman growled as the man behind her tried saying something quietly to her as he tried to pull her away. She shook herself loose and scowled at Dad, "Who in the hell do you think you are keeping us away from _my_ nephew?"_

_Dad sighed and looked at Mom before looking up at the lady. "I'm not trying to keep him from you, from any of you. The court order states that you are all allowed to see him under supervised visitation. The only thing you ever had to do was call and set up a time."_

"_Court order," the woman sneered. "Liz would roll over in her grave if she knew how you treated her family."_

"_Susan you know very well why I had to do what I did. I needed to protect him…" Dad started to say, but the woman cut him off._

"_Protect him? From what? We're his _family_. We love him…he's all we have left of Lizzie," the lady said as she pointed at me._

"_Mom…who are these people?" I whimpered, scooting closer to Dad. They were scaring me and I had no idea who they were._

"_Mom? _Mom? That_ is _not_ your mother Edward. _That_ is the _whore_ that destroyed your real family. She's the reason your _real _mother ki.." she spoke as Mom's eyes started to fill with tears as she tried to hurry and collect our things. Dad had been trying to say something to the lady but she had steadily ignored him as she spoke until he finally shouted "Enough!"._

"_Enough, Susan. _This_ is the reason I had to do what I did. Your family is delusional and you all did _nothing _but try to fill his head with your nonsense," he said angrily as he stood and pulled me from the booth beside him. Mom quickly grabbed a hold of my hand as she carried a crying Alice and pulled us away from the enraged woman and my father shouting back and forth at each other. The last I heard of the woman was right as we made it to the door. I heard her words in pristine clarity, rising above all other voices and noises within the area, the words that inevitably ripped every part of life as I knew it into unrecognizable shreds._

"Delusional_ is allowing him to believe that _she_ is his _mother_. When were you planning on telling him the _truth_ Carlisle? When were you planning on telling him that your affair with that piece of trash killed his real mother?"_

"That must have been terrifying at such a young age…to find out that way I mean," Bella said quietly, pulling me from my fucking torturous memories. If things had only not fucking happened the way they had, maybe I would have had a chance at a normal fucking life at some point. I can't fucking say that I wouldn't have been enraged when, or if, they ever told me the truth, but fucking hell…anything would have been better than hearing the truth from some screaming fucking lunatic in a restaurant.

"It was," I said distantly with a slight nod. Somehow, sitting on that bench with her in the middle of a ghetto-fied park, I couldn't help but realize that had it happened a different way, I wouldn't fucking be here. I wouldn't be sitting on this dirty ass bench with her. Hell, I would have probably never crossed paths with her.

Whatever else that realization did to me, I had no clue, but I was acutely fucking aware that the normal rage that coursed through me whenever I thought of the goddamn blatant deception my life had been composed of… wasn't there. I wasn't sure what the fuck had taken its place, but fuck me, I almost couldn't give a shit. Whatever it was, it was infinitely fucking better than what I usually felt. If only I could figure out what it was that I was fucking feeling as I sat there staring off into the distance and trying to find that rage within me that had become so goddamn familiar that I never needed to question what it was. It had been a part of me for so fucking long that I didn't think I'd ever live a day without that blazing current running beneath my skin, taunting me and egging me on to fucking hit something…anything just to turn my inner pain into something goddamn tangible that I could actually _feel_ and see the outward effects of. Something that I could focus on and not have to think that I was fucking crazy for feeling it, because it was _there_, marking its presence in shades of blues, purples and quite often crimson reds. It was _real_ unlike every other part of my fucking existence.

"You know what the worst part of it was though?" I asked as I looked over at her. She shook her head and looked at me expectantly, knowing that my question was fucking rhetorical anyway.

"It was feeling like _everything_ they'd ever said was a lie after it. That everything they'd ever done was some part of a fucking cover up or another fucking lie being added to what was already being hidden from me. Ten fucking years old and I had no fucking idea whether or not my parents actually meant it when they said the words I love you. I didn't know if every time they hugged me or fucking praised me for something, if it was _real_. On top of that…every time I looked at them, I didn't know who the fuck they _were _anymore_. _Especially Esme," I told her, hearing my voice begin to strain as she reached out and took a hold of my hand.

It was fucking mind boggling how much that simple fucking gesture both soothed me and urged me to continue. She was letting me release everything that I'd held onto my entire fucking life…and it was something that _no one_ had ever allowed me to do. She wasn't cutting me off and telling me that what I thought was wrong or what I felt was unjustified or some bullshit. I reveled in the simple silence of her acceptance of my words for a minute before taking a breath and continuing with what I had to say…what I'd had to say for half of my fucking life.

"I could say that my father was my father because I had tangible proof of it on my birth certificate, but I didn't know who the fuck the woman that I'd been calling Mom was. In a matter of minutes she became a complete fucking stranger to me and every time she spoke to me or tried to fucking touch me I recoiled from her in fear. _That_ was the worst part about it. In one simple fucking minute I went from being an average, well rounded, fearless fucking kid to being a kid that was capable of only two fucking things…being overwhelmingly enraged or terrified of every person around me. I never knew if people were being sincere or lying their fucking faces off…I still can't really distinguish between the two so I take the easy way out. I keep people at a distance and consider everything that comes out of their mouths a lie. Nothing gained means nothing lost in the long run," I said, shrugging a bit and trying for nonchalance. She didn't need to know just how miserable I really was, feeling like a fucking isolated island 24/7 regardless of how many goddamn idiots surrounded me on a daily basis.

It suddenly occurred to me that while I'd been sitting there spilling my goddamn guts to this girl, I'd _still_ been wearing a fucking mask. Only for once, it hadn't been to protect me… it had been to protect _her_. She'd dealt with enough bullshit in her life. She didn't need to know how deeply my bullshit past had fucked me up. It was one thing for her to know how it had made me a withdrawn fucking prick, but it was entirely different for her to know exactly how pathetically broken it had left me. I was entirely fucking incapable of ever being whole after that shit…and it was just one more goddamn reason why I had no business getting overly involved with her.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, squeezing my hand gently. I furrowed my brow at her in question, because really, what the fuck did she have to be sorry about?

"What the hell for? You didn't do anything," I said incredulously.

"I'm sorry for what they did to you. If they would have just been honest with you from the beginning or handled everything differently, maybe things would have been different," she replied and then looked at me warily.

"You know…it could still be different," she said hesitantly.

"How…how could it still be different? I am what I am, Bella. I'm a closed off person hiding behind a giant wall of fuck off and pretty fucking comfortable there too," I said, my voice wavering as she squeezed my hand. It was almost as if she knew the exact fucking moment to apply that pressure and call me out on my bullshit because she fucking smirked at me the moment I faltered.

"No…you're not. You never laugh, you rarely smile even though I know you're fully capable of doing so. You're just as miserable over it as I am with not being able to trust people, and you're not as closed off as you think you are. You're talking openly with me aren't you?" she said, her smirk still fully intact as she withdrew her hand from mine and shook her finger at me.

"It seems you've found a chink in my armor," I chuckled, finding her smirk incredibly fucking adorable.

"If you're calling me a chink…uh that's a pretty big chink ya got there," she laughed, wobbling slightly as she stood from the bench.

"Where are you fuckin going?" I sniggered as she swayed and looked around.

"I gotta _piss_," she laughed, "Where's a bush when ya need one?" she asked as she pulled a wad of tissue from her pocket.

"Do you always carry that shit with you?" I asked, still laughing as she started to stagger off toward the row of trash bins a few feet away.

"Hey…don't mock the tissues dou'che-wad… ya ne'er know when you'll need em," she said, hiccupping and giggling.

"Watch out for the wildlife trying to catch a quick peek," I laughed as I stood from the bench and wandered off to a darkened area to relieve my own throbbing bladder.

"It's not the wildlife I worry about…it's the freaking perverted hobos," she chortled back a minute later and I laughed, inevitably getting a spurt of fucking piss on my goddamn shoe.

"Dammit Bella…You made me piss on my fucking shoe," I laughed as I tucked my shit away and zipped up.

"Don't blame me because you can't freaking aim. Maybe we should get you a target so you can practice," she guffawed as she plopped back down on the bench and leaned over to grab another beer. I walked back over and groaned as I sat down just as my cell phone started fucking going off.

"You gonna answer that?" she asked curiously. I pulled it off it's clip to see who was calling and immediately replaced it after putting it on vibrate.

"Nope…it's not important," I said, shrugging as the vibration against my hip stopped.

"I've noticed that you do that a lot," she said, slurring slightly and then raising her can to her lips.

"Do what?"

"Not answer your cell phone…or your pager. What's up with that? Are you like some 007 super secret spy or something? Ya can't answer your phone or return your pages in the company of others? Is that why you slink off in the middle of the night sometimes?" she rambled, chuckling softly as I tensed up like a motherfucker.

_Yep that's me, Bella. Your neighborhood secret drug agent…only it's only you that's not privy to the fucking secret because you'll fucking hate me for it…_

"What? That's the most fucking absurd thing I've ever heard," I retorted, forcing myself to laugh.

"So what is it then?" she asked, all humor gone as she looked at me apprehensively. "Is it like your girlfriend or something? Oh god…it is isn't it? And she's gonna get mad at you because you're always ignoring her calls and pages and stuff. Alice said you were single…if I would have known…she doesn't think you're cheating on her with me does she?" she blurted in a frantic worry as I busted out laughing hysterically.

"Edward! Don't freaking laugh! That's not right to do to her! Why wouldn't you answer her calls?" she yelled as she stood from the bench.

"Bella sit down. Jesus," I laughed. "I'm not ignoring a girlfriend because I don't _have_ one. Sometimes I just choose not to talk to whoever's fucking calling me," I said as I pulled her back down on the bench.

"Why _do_ so many people call you? And at weird times too. Your cell phone and pager go off practically all night long," she said, stressing the end of her statement dramatically.

"I know a lot of people, and if you haven't noticed, there aren't a lot of sober people around us at any given point in time. A lot of the calls are people asking me for a fuckin' ride home or some shit," I said, hating that I was lying through my teeth to her. I was such a fucking hypocrite…here I was, doing something straight to her face that I hated my own family for. Yeah, I didn't miss the fucking irony there.

"Then why do you ignore it? Isn't it safer if you brought them home?" she asked as her brow furrowed.

_Jesus Christ…_please_ stop asking me shit that's gonna force me to fucking lie to you…_

"How's it safer if I'm not sober either?" I asked rhetorically, avoiding forcing another blatant straight faced fucking lie in her direction.

"Is that how you get some of the money you make? By kind of being like their taxi?" she asked and I had to chuckle.

"Sometimes. How did you know I leave sometimes during the night? You're usually pretty passed the fuck out when I leave," I asked. I always made sure she was out like a light before I snuck out so she wouldn't think something was up.

"There's been a couple times when I've woken up because of people either coming in or out or because Alice kicked me in her sleep. She does that a lot," she chuckled but it faded off in a sigh.

"Why do you put up with all of it?" I asked and she looked at me in confusion.

"Why do you act like everything's peachy fucking keen when it's so fucking obvious that watching Jasper get closer to her hurts you," I clarified and she groaned as her head flopped down to her chest and she shook it before looking back up at me.

"Because I don't want to put him in the position where he feels he has to choose between us. I want him to be happy and if she makes him happy then so be it," she replied, her slightly scrunched up face belying her attempt at a shrug of indifference.

"What about your happiness though?"

"I'm happy…ish," she replied, modifying her statement as I quirked a brow at her.

"Look…he's done so much for me over the years…too much really. He's put me and my needs before his own at every turn and if putting up with his girlfriend's crap is the only way I can do the same for him…then that's what I have to do," she said with a shrug that irritated me beyond fucking belief.

It pissed me the fuck off that she was only ignoring the bullshit because she felt like she owed him something. She didn't owe him shit as far as I was concerned…the same way Ali didn't owe me shit in return for anything I'd ever done for her. Not to mention, he didn't even seem to be acknowledging the fact that he was hurting _her _every fucking time he chased after Alice's psychotic ass after one of her bitchfests.

"You know you don't owe him anything right baby girl? You don't owe him your own fuckin' happiness in trade for his. That's not how shit works. He provided for you and cared for you because he wanted to, not because it was something that he could cash in for repayment at a later date," I said sternly. She hesitated but then nodded as she quietly said "I know."

"Do you think it's safe to go back to the house? I'm buzzin' pretty hard and I'm getting kinda tired. I didn't sleep all that much last night," she said, slurring her words slightly and avoiding my gaze as she looked back in the direction of Jess's house. I pitched my empty can in the direction of the trash and stood from the bench.

"You gonna be okay to walk?" I asked as she swayed slightly and giggled.

"Yeah I'll be fine…just don't let me near any curbs," she laughed as I bent down to pick up the remains of our case.

I gave up any hopes I'd had of her walking back on her own when she took three fucking steps and tripped over an invisible goddamn tree root and busted her ass. She laughed hysterically as I chuckled and shook my head while offering her a hand to help her up. Once she was standing, I did something I swore to fucking Christ I'd never do. I took my bag off and slung it over her shoulders.

She looked at me curiously as she gasped and I chuckled humorlessly as I looked down at her. "I trust you, but I don't trust your fucking walking abilities right now. Climb on," I said as I squatted down in front of her. She scrambled her way up onto my back, locking her arms and legs around me as I stood up straight and started walking back in the direction of the house.

"I trust you too," she whispered as she laid her head down on her arm.

It ripped me the hell apart to hear her say those goddamn words, knowing that one day I'd fucking destroy whatever bond we'd formed when the fucking truth came out. I could only hope that somewhere underneath all the bullshit and lies, she'd know that I only did it to protect her. That I hadn't _wanted_ to do it…that I hadn't _wanted_ to hurt her.

If she really believed that underneath all the false layers that people apparently crafted over their true fucking selves, then maybe it was possible that she'd still see whatever goddamn sliver of good she thought she saw in me now. It was about the only hope I could cling to in the fucking jacked up world we lived in.

The walk back to the house was fairly quiet, with me lost in my thoughts as I steadily ignored the vibrations of both my phone and my pager against my side as I'd been doing for the last fucking hour, and her breathing a steady pattern on the side of my neck. It was so tempting just to toss the pieces of shit right in the sewer, right along with the goddamn bag and just walk right the fuck away from everything in that moment with her on my back. If I didn't have to worry about where our next meal would come from, or how I'd manage to put gas in the goddamn car…I would have. I would have walked right the fuck away from it and never looked back…if only I had another fucking way.

"Bella," I said as I stopped in front of the house and patted her thigh. She hummed lightly and I chuckled as I realized she had almost fallen asleep.

"Ya gotta get down babe…we're here," I said as I tilted my head to try and look at her. She unhooked one of her arms from around my neck and rubbed her eye for a second as she yawned and nodded before sliding off of my back. I slid my bag off her shoulders and tossed it over my own before leading her into the house. We both did a quick scan from the front door, me checking who all was left in the joint, and her probably trying to find Jasper and Alice.

"Why don't you go get changed and I'll get a spot fixed up for you to sleep," I said quietly, ducking my head down by hers. She nodded and shuffled off to find her bag before disappearing into the bathroom.

"Where the fuck did you two go?" Jasper growled, stalking toward me from wherever the fuck he'd been when we'd walked in as I came back into the house with a pillow and blanket from the car for Bella. I tossed them down on a recliner chair in the corner before turning to face him.

"To the fucking park. Chill out man," I answered as I crossed my arms in front of my chest.

"Don't tell me to chill out when I've been looking everywhere for her and no one knew where the fuck either one of you were," he said heatedly and I laughed.

"If you'd been keeping an eye on her you would have known that she'd left with me, but instead you had your head rammed up my sister's ass," I retorted. Underneath it all I truly thought he was a good person, but this bullshit act he had of getting pissed at me constantly over shit concerning Bella was really starting to piss me the fuck off. He looked like he was gearing up to try to fucking ream me out, so I cut him off with a wave of my hand and chanced a look around to make sure she wasn't anywhere near us.

"Look Jasper, I'm only gonna say this shit once. If you don't want me keeping an eye on her than you tell me who the fuck you're gonna have do it, because seriously man…there ain't a whole lot of fucking options around here. We're in this shit together, I told you that from day one," I said bluntly, fed up with his double standard bullshit already.

He was grating on my last fucking nerve with his looking down on me for something that he himself was guilty of. Who the fuck did he think he was trying to rule over what person played what role in Bella's life. As far as I was concerned, he could go fuck himself with his high and mighty goddamn attitude.

"You know…I'm not some stupid fuck that you can take advantage of, soak up my last goddamn dime, bag my sister and then take the fuck off. I'll just as easily turn your ass back out on the streets. The _only_ fucking reason I've put up with this horse shit so far is because I'll be _damned _if I let her go back to living in abandoned buildings and eating whatever scrap fucking food you can scrounge up just because you've got some jacked up beef with how I fucking make money…the same goddamn money that's been providing the food and fucking liquor you've been packin' away," I ranted angrily, gesturing wildly between us.

"Is that what you fucking think? You think I have beef with you because of how you make money? Dude, I don't give a _shit_ how you make money. I've done my own fair share of fucked up shit to make money, that's not even _close_ to why I have issues with you," he retorted, shaking his head and taking a step back. I looked up and spotted Bella leaving the bathroom and heading toward Alice in the kitchen who was waving her over.

"Then what the fuck's your problem?" I asked, looking back at him and being at a serious loss as to what else he could possibly have a fucking beef with. I hadn't done shit since they'd hooked up with us.

"You're a fuckin' man-ho dude. I've seen the way the chicks at the places we go hang all over your shit when we walk in the door. You can't tell me that you haven't banged at least three quarters of them and walked away. Bella deserves better than that. You have no business running that fucking game on her," he spat furiously and I couldn't stop the fucking laugh that ripped out of my fucking throat.

"Is _that_ what you think I'm doing? Running some fucking game on her?" He just fucking nodded once to my question with his lips pressed into a tight fucking line, trying to look all fucking stoic and shit.

"Let's get this shit straight right now. I'm _not_, nor have I _ever, _or will I _ever_, be running a game on her. If I had been, and trust me on this one…I would have already tapped that and fucking sent the pair of you walking. So get that shit out of your head right now. I'm only trying to fucking look out for her and possibly be her _friend_. I'm not out looking to fuck her and toss her aside or some type of bullshit like that…Heads up, she's coming," I said quickly and moved to spread the blanket out over the chair.

"Hey doll face, did you have a good time at the park?" he asked her as he turned toward her and smiled all lovingly at her. I rolled my eyes and suppressed a snort. He was acting like a parent of a toddler…completely fucking demeaning.

"Yeah…Alice said you guys had fun hanging with some of her friends," she replied hesitantly, looking curiously between us. I grinned crookedly at her, hoping to deflect her fucking curiosity. Goddamn that girl was too curious for her own fucking good.

"Did she apologize for earlier?" he asked her as she sat down in the chair and we both moved to place the blanket over her. Again I rolled my fucking eyes and backed up, letting him take over getting her situated as she bit her lip and looked awkwardly between us.

"Yeah," she murmured with a slight nod. He smiled lazily at her and leaned down to kiss the top of her head and lingered for a minute while he whispered something to her that I couldn't hear, no matter how hard I strained to. I wanted to know what he said to her that had her biting her damn lip again…it was enough to drive me fucking mad.

"I'll just be on the couch if you need anything. Ali and Jess are planning to keep drinking, but I'm done for the night. I'm just across the room okay?" he asked, using that fucking annoying parental tone with her again. That shit made me want to slap the lazy grin right off his goddamn face. She wasn't a fucking toddler for him to act like he was reading her a damn bedtime story or some shit. She may be a minor, but she was _far_ from being a fucking _kid_.

She nodded to him and pulled the blanket up to her chin as he kissed her one more time on the top of the head and turned to look at me. I nodded my head just once as we locked eyes and he turned to walk over to the couch as I slid down to the ground in front of the chair that she was curled up on, leaning my back against the front of it, and resting my head on her lower legs.

"Goodnight Edward," she said softly. I smiled faintly as I closed my eyes and replied in kind. Within minutes she was snoring softly behind me, and I got up, _really_ not fucking wanting to but knowing that I had to, and made my way over to Jasper.

"Hey man…I gotta make some runs. I've been putting it off all night. Keep an eye on her. I'll be back in a few hours," I told him.

"Alright dude. What's the story tonight if she wakes up?" he asked, looking up at me from where he was laying back on the couch with Ali sitting sideways between his legs, facing Jess who was sitting on the floor in front of her shuffling a deck of fucking cards.

_Fucking hell…they're in it for the long haul tonight…she's gonna be a cranky ass bitch tomorrow…_

"Tell her I gave someone a ride home from here and I'll be back soon. Use Ali's phone to page me if it happens so I can come right back," I said as he nodded and looked at her slumbering form.

"You know the lying's not gonna work forever right? What the fuck are we gonna do when she finds out?" he asked, looking at me worriedly.

"Hopefully we can get the fuck out of it before it comes to that…cause I fucking _hate_ lying to her," I replied, shaking my head and wishing shit was _so _much different for us.

"I should be back by three at the latest. Try and get some of these shitheads out of here soon or they'll be up making a fucking ruckus all goddamn night," I said, making my way to the door. He nodded as he grabbed a pillow to toss behind his head and with that I walked out into the dark balmy night.

_My life's like a goddamn ticking time bomb…with a broken fucking display. Wonder when it'll blow up right in my fucking face…_


	11. Chapter 12 part 1

**AN:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

BPOV

The next morning I awoke slowly, not entirely sure where I was exactly. As I opened my eyes to peek at my surroundings, I realized I was on a recliner in the corner of Jess's living room. The sun had barely begun to rise so I knew it was still early. I rubbed my eyes as I tried to recall the events from the night before.

_Another fight with Alice. Escaping to the park with Edward. Drinking. Being carried home? I think I spoke to Jasper and possibly Alice when I got back, not too sure though. My head really freakin' hurts..._

I tried to shift to a more comfortable position in the chair but something was keeping my legs in place. Too lazy to pick my head up to investigate, I simply took a deep breath, trying to relax back into slumber once again. Among the stench of stale smoke and beer, another crisper, spicier, almost woodsy scent hinted in the mix and quickly filled my senses . _Edward_.

My eyes popped open as I gazed down at my feet. There he was, leaned up against my legs with one arm slung over the top of them. I took another deep breath. God did he ever smell good. Just remembering being in his arms the night before, his scent enveloped me all over again. I sat there basking in the moment, still feeling groggy, but unable to fall back asleep.

There was chatter coming from the kitchen. _Kitchen. Water. _I was completely parched. My mouth felt as though it had started growing some kind of an extra-terrestrial life form and nearly made me gag. I recognized the voices of Jess, Alice, and Jasper, and although I'd rather have not seen any of them just yet, my thirst won out. I slid slowly out of the chair, hoping my movements weren't enough to wake Edward. I quickly moved my pillow into his arms to replace my legs which he had previously been holding. He groaned and hugged the pillow tightly before falling back asleep. I tiptoed across the room, making my way around the various bodies sprawled out across the living room floor, and hesitantly made my way into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. From the looks of it, the three of them had yet to go to sleep.

"Oh hey Bella. We didn't wake you did we?" Alice asked upon seeing me enter the room.

"No, you're fine. I couldn't sleep any more anyways. I just wanted a glass of water then I'll be out of your way," I relied in a hushed hoarse voice, unwilling to meet her gaze.

"I think it's time I headed to bed," Jess declared, excusing herself from the room.

I awkwardly shuffled past her on my way to the cupboard to retrieve a glass. As I was standing over the sink drinking my water I could hear Alice's steps as she hesitantly approached me.

"Listen Bella...about last night, I just wanted you to know again how sorry I am for the way I treated you and Jasper," she said softly as she reached out to place her hand on my arm. She tilted her head around me so she could look into my eyes before she continued. "There's no excuse for my actions, and I know I have no right to ask your forgiveness, but I was hoping maybe we could try to go back to being friends again?"

As her eyes pleaded with me I couldn't stop the tears that began to form in my own. I turned away from her penetrating gaze to wipe them away. "Alice don't…I can't, not now. I need some time…" I trailed off unable to continue.

As I sniffled trying to reign in my emotions I felt her hand move lightly across my back attempting to console me. "I really am sorry Bella," she whispered.

I closed my eyes and nodded, acknowledging that I had heard her, but still unable to turn around and face her. After a few moments she gave up and silently turned to walk out of the room.

I heard a kitchen chair roughly scrape across the floor as Jasper moved away from his place at the table. Within seconds of Alice's departure I felt his warm masculine arms envelope me. I cringed pulling away from him, shaking my head. "Don't Jasper." I choked as the tears flowed profusely down my face.

"Bella come on," he pleaded reaching for me once again.

I stood my ground refusing to give in. "No, Jasper. You can't fix it this time. She had no right to treat me the way that she did last night. There are no more excuses." I said firmly though the tears continued to flow.

He turned me around so he could look at me, though I continued to stare beyond him, refusing to meet his eyes. "Bella just let me give you a hug. I'm not here to argue with you about Alice. I just want to be here for you," he begged running his hands up and down my arms.

"Don't you get it Jasper? That's the problem!" I wailed pulling away from him once again. "For years now you have always been my shoulder to cry on. I can't keep depending on you," I cried shaking my head back and forth. "And you need to stop trying to shelter me from every single bad thing in the world. Enough is enough. I need to grow up and learn how to deal with my own issues. Can't you see that?"

"Okay. Calm down darlin', there's no need to be getting so upset. I don't know where all this is coming from, but it doesn't mean I can't give you a hug when your cryin' does it?" he asked his lower lip protruding in the form of a pout. Yesterday that ploy would have worked and I would have thrown myself in to the shelter of his embrace.

_Not today, not anymore._

"Yes, that's exactly what it means," I exclaimed exasperated. "In case you haven't noticed, I cry a lot Jasper. I can't go running into your arms every time I get a little bit upset. The only way I am going to be able to move past all my issues and insecurities is if I learn to face them _on my own_. I need to do this for myself. Please will you just…back off a bit?"

I could see the anguish clearly on his face as he listened to my request. I hated that I was responsible for putting it there. It wasn't that he had done something wrong by consoling me all these years. The problem was me. I'm the one that has been using him as a security blanket to hide away from the hardships in the world. He sheltered me all this time because it was a necessity. I needed time to heal from my mom's death and my father's abuse. But that grace period had long since lapsed. It was time for me to grow up and take some control over my own life. And that meant learning to deal with Alice in my own way.

"Is this all just because of what Alice said?" he asked suspiciously. "Maybe you should talk to her, or at least let me explain to you…"

"No, Jasper this isn't all j_ust because of Alice_," I said cutting him off. "And don't even start with me about her and all the crap she pulled last night. I told you I'm _not talking _about it with you," I replied curtly wishing he would simply listen to what I had just said. He was making this harder than it had to be.

"Are you sure this is really what you want Bella?" he asked.

Resisting the urge to roll my eyes I nodded my head in response. He stared at me silently for well over a minute, studying me. I crossed my arms across my chest and stared right back at him.

"Did Edward put you up to this?" he suddenly blurted out.

My eyes widened as I scoffed at his accusation. "No _Jasper_. Edward did not _put me up to this_." I spat, narrowing my eyes at him. "Why would you even ask something like that?"

"Well you two were gone for hours last night. Who knows what the hell he could have been saying to you that whole time." He stated, raising his brows.

"You aren't making any sense Jasper. Edward agreed that Alice was way out of line last night and was totally pissed off about it. That's why we left, so there wouldn't be another fight," I explained, still baffled how Edward had anything to do with the conversation we were having.

"This just doesn't seem like you. He could have easily planted ideas in your head while you two were off doing _whatever_," he said waving his hand. "So I ask again, did Edward put you up to this?"

I hadn't a clue what on earth was running through his head at that point, but he was really starting to piss me off. Why would he think that Edward would try to put space between us. Did he really not trust Edward or was he jealous that I was forming a friendship with another guy.

"For your _information_ all we did was go to the park and talk. It didn't even have anything to do with you or Alice," I sneered. "I can't believe you would accuse Edward of _conspiring_ against you. That's just retarded Jasper," I scoffed feeling like he could use a swift slap upside the head.

He huffed crossing his arms across his chest and continued to stare me down, his eyes flitting between mine.

"Answer me this. Why on earth would he try to come between us when we are all supposed to be working together?" I said raising my brow. "He's your friend too ya know. Or did you forget that?"

He mumbled a response, but I couldn't make out any of what he said.

"What was that?"

"I said _fine_," he grumbled unwilling to meet me in the eyes as he spoke.

_That is definitely not what you were mumbling, but whatever I'll take it if it means you'll stop being a dumb shit about Edward._

"Now will you listen to me and let me deal with Alice without interfering?" I asked hoping he was finally willing to accept was I originally asked of him.

"I guess if that's what you really want. I just don't understand is all." he said finally looking at me. His eyes were no longer accusatory but rather were filled with uncertainty and sadness.

With a deep breath and heavy sigh I tried once again to explain to him what I wanted. "Jasper, you know you're like a brother to me, and I love you. You aren't losing me if that's what you are worried about-you're still my best friend," I said offering him a reassuring smile. "I'm just asking for some space to learn how to get a hold of my emotions and fight my own battles," I said, reaching out to grab his hand in my own.

I saw several emotions flash across his face as he contemplated all that I had said. After a few moments he apprehensively nodded his head. "Okay Bella, but you know where I am if you need me," he said softly, giving my hand a squeeze before letting go. He swallowed audibly and cleared his throat, obviously holding back anything more he wanted to say. He turned slowly, shuffling his way to the doorway before he paused to turn around, leaving me with one last sad fleeting smile before disappearing around the corner completely.

I slumped down in the chair he'd been sitting in, and buried my face in my hands. I felt absolutely terrible knowing I was the reason Jasper had that wounded look on his face. I knew it was a necessary step, but that didn't make it any easier. I longed to chase after him, throw myself into his arms and begin rattling off everything I was thinking and feeling, and let him decide for me what I should do next.

Staring at the table before me, contemplating what to do about the situation with Alice, I found myself absentmindedly picking at the pen in front of me, clicking it over and over again. They had been playing some sort of card game before I came into the kitchen and a notebook was left out with tally scores scratched on the open page. I grabbed a hold of the notebook and pen before walking out of the kitchen door onto the back porch. I plopped down on the rickety bench swing, flipped the notebook over to a fresh page, and began writing. The words just flowed out of me as soon as the pen met the paper.

I started writing of my weariness of our surroundings and my hatred for being thrown into a world revolving around drugs. I know the old saying 'Beggar's can't be choosers' but it sure as hell didn't make me feel any better. None of us really fit into this scene, but where else were we going to go? I'm sure if there were any other option for us, Edward would have taken it in a heartbeat.

Even Alice didn't really seem to fit in with this crowd from her past, at least not that I had seen up until a few days ago. I still just could not get over the enormous differences between the kind and loveable Alice I met that first day in that crappy restaurant bathroom, and the hysterical malicious person I faced the last two nights.

I had so many questions for her because I didn't understand her choice to take the drugs in the first place. I hadn't pushed the issue when we met because from the way she described it, I thought it was all in her past. Did she really think they would work as an outlet or an escape? What was it in her life that she thought was so terrible that drugs looked like a good idea? She was _fine _when I met her, and she hadn't appeared to have been on any drugs for the two weeks following. Did we not all face the exact same crap each and every day? What makes her life any different? What could possibly justify her drug use other than plain and simple stupidity!

I had chalked up our first fight to being a one time thing. She was insecure about Jasper. I get that. That's why I was willing to forgive her so easily. What I could not for the life of me seem to grasp was, after we patched up our friendship the second time, why would she even _think_ about going anywhere near the drugs again? Did she not comprehend the drastic effect they had on her?

I _saw _Jess slip her something so there wasn't a doubt in my mind that when she excused herself to go to the restroom, taking those drugs was what she was doing. Nothing had happened over the last twenty four hours to rationalize her choice to take something again. Was it peer pressure? Jess merely offered her the drugs. Alice is the one that snatched them from her hand without a moment's hesitation.

The more I thought about the whole thing the more pissed off I became. I might not have been able to bring myself yell at her last night, but that didn't mean that I was okay with the way she had treated me.

The great thing about writing all of it out was I could lose all of the pent up rage without hurting anyone. On paper, I was free to tell Alice to _fuck off_. To tell her that I hated her for treating me like complete and utter shit for absolutely no reason at all. I hated that she lied to me and made me second guess our friendship. I felt like she was tearing my family apart with only a thought to herself and her own insecurities. The four of us were supposed to be building a new family together, not tearing one another down.

All she wanted to offer this morning was a simple I'm sorry, expecting that it would magically make everything all better. She needed to learn that sometimes saying the words "I'm sorry" just wasn't damn good enough. If she wanted my forgiveness than I deserved more than that. I wanted a reason, an explanation, _something_. If she couldn't be honest with me then what good was her friendship to me?

As I wrote, I was able to work through my anger and finally figure out what I wanted to do. I decided I would hear Alice out. I was willing to push aside all of my pain and anger to give Alice a chance to explain herself. I would do it for my family. For Jasper, because he wanted Alice. He _chose_ to be with her. Despite all of her flaws he still wanted her and I respected that. I would do it for Edward. Because he took care of us in so many ways, putting our needs above his own, and yet asked nothing for himself in return. He didn't deserve all this crap, us fighting amongst ourselves, and I refused to make things any worse off than they already were. And I would do this for the drug free Alice. The person who befriended me and introduced me to her family. The person who I knew was still in there and who deserved another shot at friendship.

I spent the better part of the morning out on the porch swing, writing out all of the thoughts swimming around in my head that had been weighing me down. I felt fresher, lighter, and freer than I had in months. It was amazing how therapeutic a pen and paper could be!

My stomach growled for the umpteenth time as I flipped the notebook closed before standing to stretch my stiff legs. Figuring it was late enough in the day to wake the dead, I quietly made my way back through the house to the living room. Edward was still leaned up against the chair in the corner just as I had left him earlier that morning.

I leaned down and gently shook his shoulder in an effort to slowly awaken him. He jumped, startled nevertheless at my touch. Once he realized that it was just me, his body relaxed and his lips turned upward in a slow smile. He looked at me, silently asking me why I had woken him.

"Hey sorry to wake you," I whispered. "But I am kinda getting really hungry."

Edward nodded his head, yawning before glancing at his watch to check the time. "Guess I slept a lot fuckin later than I planned on. Sorry about that." He said before stretching his arms above his head, still trying to wake up. After rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he tilted his head looking a bit closer at me. He reached out and gently brushed his fingers across the delicate skin beneath my eyes. I knew he was analyzing the dark purple circles that had formed there.

"You didn't sleep well," he stated.

"I'm fine. It's nothing I'm not used to," I replied pulling away and shrugging my shoulders. It really wasn't that big of a deal that I only slept a couple of hours. I was used to getting pretty shitty sleep because of my nightmares anyways.

"Don't feed me a line of bullshit Bella," he began but was cut off by a rather loud rumbling of my tummy. He locked eyes with me, expressing his aggravation with me for downplaying the issue, but luckily my non-verbal plea was enough to keep him from pushing it any further.

"Let me grab a shower real quick, and I'll treat that stomach of yours to a nice lunch. There's a place I want to take you that I think you'll like," he said with a smile before pulling himself up off the floor.

While on his way to the hall he stopped to pound on Jess's door. "Alice, Jasper wake the fuck up. We're going to get some food," he yelled before disappearing into the bathroom.

As I watched him disappear into the bathroom, I couldn't help but think of how much the relationship between Edward and myself had already changed.

In less than twenty-four hours, I had not just cracked the wall Edward had built around himself, I had completely obliterated it. The progress we had made at the playground was merely a glimpse at what was to unfold between us as the day went on.

When we first arrived as Jess's place, Edward made a point to include me when the others had all but forgotten about me. When Alice lashed out, he stepped in to keep the situation from escalating. He took notice that I needed some space, not only from Alice but from the entire situation.

We spent the better half of the night just hanging out and talking with one another as if we had been the best of friends for years. The flow of conversation was effortless. Within minutes I learned that behind his masked exterior was a man full of words, full of knowledge, full of life. To say I was surprised was an understatement.

Edward was smart. Not you're ordinary 'I studied hard in school and got good grades' smart either. He was a deep thinker with philosophical tendencies. I was shocked when he challenged me to think deeper about how people act. I had always had the belief that human beings were complex and multifaceted, capable of acting in ways that directly contradicted who they really were. The events that had taken place with my father had cemented that belief within me. I had grown up knowing that my father loved me, but over the years after my mother had passed, he had proven that even though he loved me, he was still capable of inflicting the worst kind of pain upon me. Not even the physical pain, but the emotional and mental anguish that he'd struck me with every time he cut me with his words.

But Edward...Edward made me question that belief. He firmly believed that people's actions were indicative of who they really were. That whether or not they'd always been that way wasn't the question, but rather who they were at that precise moment in time. That somehow, somewhere along the lines, they changed and became a completely different person, rendering their actions no longer contradictory to who they were, but correlating with who they'd become. It was interesting to see how he viewed the subject, but also deeply saddening. I wasn't sure which was easier to believe. Never once in all of my years had someone challenged me mentally as he had done. Conversing with Edward was compelling, enthralling, and invigorating.

As the evening went on, the conversation turned to a more serious note. Although I was sure Jasper had touched on my history with Edward when we first met, I felt compelled to share my story with him. After all, I wanted to know him and what better way than sharing a piece of myself. Edward responded in turn by opening up to me as I'm quite sure he had never been able to do so with anyone before about his own history.

Edward's heartbreaking tale of the suicide of his mother and the hidden truth of her death unveiled during his childhood in the form of blasphemy against his father, had been incredibly difficult for him to divulge. Although he masked his anguish well, I could see through his façade. The incident had scarred his soul. Honestly, I believed if he could just find a way to let go of the anger and work through the pain he'd been so uselessly trying to shove aside, I had no doubt that Edward would be destined for great things in his life.

When Edward had grabbed a hold of my hand to lead me away from Jess's house, I thought the chills I felt were merely a manifestation of the physical attraction I felt towards him. After that night in the park, I knew the warmth that filled me every time I gazed upon him was a result of my attraction to the man I found behind the beautiful mask. I only wish that one day he could look upon me as I do him and see something more beyond mere friendship.

I was broken out of my reverie when Jess's door slowly opened and a weary looking Alice came out from behind it. She slowly made her way into the room, but paused standing behind the couch opposite of me, unsure whether or not to join me. I knew we couldn't go on like this, dancing around one another and avoiding speaking altogether wasn't going to fix anything.

With a sigh I patted the cushion beside me. Alice silently moved to sit down next to me,

crossing her legs beneath her. "Do you hate me?" she croaked while she began wringing her hands in her lap.

I could see the unshed tears forming in her eyes as she stared straight ahead waiting for me to reply. I took a deep breath and released it before answering her. "No Alice, I don't _hate _you. I'm hurt, frustrated, and angry with you. But I don't hate you." I explained trying to keep my voice as even as possible.

"God Bella I am _so_ sorry," she whispered while batting at the tears streaming down her cheeks. She shifted her stance on the couch, turning towards me as she pulled her knees to her chest, curling herself into a small ball. "I want to explain w-why….I just…I don't know…" she stammered before dropping her head into her arms as she choked down her tears.

I didn't realize at the time how much my brush off that morning had hurt her. I took a deep breath and released it slowly before turning to place a supportive hand on her forearm. "Alice you need to calm down. Sitting here crying isn't going to help fix this. We need to talk," I said firmly. I took another slow breath, making sure to keep my own emotions in check before continuing.

"Look, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings this morning, I didn't mean to. I just needed some more time to work though all the crap going around in my head," I said waving my hand. She nodded her head in understanding, yet made no effort to look at me. "If you want my forgiveness you're going have to be straight we me this time around. A simple apology isn't good enough. I need more than that from you. Okay Alice?"

She lifted her head from beneath her arms and looked at me with her watery bloodshot eyes. "Yeah…okay," she answered as she closed her eyes once again sending a fresh set of tears down her cheeks. "I don't know where to start," she admitted furrowing her brow.

_Yeah, well I do. Either you admit to using drugs or you throw more lies at me. The choice is yours._

"Alice I know you took drugs," I declared, my voice even and strong.

Immediately her head snapped in my direction, her eyes searching mine, fear and uncertainty plaguing her own.

"I saw Jess slip something to you when we got here," I explained wondering whether she was going to own up to it or not. If she would admit to it, I could forgive her and maybe even help her if she'd let me. If she denied it, however, there was no hope left for our friendship.

Upon hearing my words Alice broke down into a fit of tears. I shifted my position on the couch, leaning further into Alice so I could reach my arm around her back. In turn she unwrapped an arm from around her knees and slid it around my waist clinging to me with a death grip. I hugged her closer to me as she cried, choking out things like "I never should have," "I'm so stupid," and "you should hate me" over and over again.

For several minutes she sat there rocking back and forth, her eyes wide never blinking, as she stared off into the far corner of the room. She wasn't responding to any of my efforts to soothe her, and her stagnant far-off expression was starting to scare me. It was like she wasn't even with me anymore.

"Alice," I cried running my hands through her hair, grasping it at the base of her neck to turn her head to face me though here eyes remained lifeless. "Stop, please. I don't hate you. You are _not_ stupid, so stop telling yourself that. Look at me!" I pleaded hoping my words would break her from her trance.

Finally I got a response out of her. Her mask crumbled revealing the pain and anguish churning within her. "I don't even know how I got like this," she sobbed, her head shaking back and forth. "Even my own parents couldn't forgive me for my mistakes. The only family I have that can even look at me any more is Edward," she choked out before her head fell back into her arms.

"That's not true," I declared slipping my hand under her chin, pulling to get her to look at me once again. "You have Jasper, and you have me," I said with certainty, pulling her back into my arms rocking her back and forth. "Please Alice, let me in. Talk to me."

After a few more minutes she began to speak, her voice weak and raspy. "I never should have taken that rock Jess offered me. It was a mistake, a moment of weakness, whatever the hell you want to call it. I know you want to know why, but I can't even…I can't tell you why because I don't even know why I took it," she admitted her head falling in defeat.

"But I can tell you that every single fiber of my being regrets ever having smoked that shit," she croaked as another sob ripped through her. "The things I said to you…to Jasper. I can't say I'm sorry enough. I don't know what to do…how to make it up to you," she sniffled, closing here eyes as the tears continued to stream down her face.

"The only thing you need to do to make it up to me is be honest with me. If you need help, I'm here for you, but I can't help if you don't let me," I said squeezing her shoulder once again before pulling her back slightly so I could look at her.

"I don't understand," she stated, her brow furrowing in confusion. "How can you even think about helping me after what I've done? I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you," she said simply. Her voice was flat, but her eyes conveyed the guilt, the sadness, the complete lack of self worth that plagued her. I felt like I was finally seeing the real Alice. A broken scared little girl that needed a someone to reach out to her. She needed me.

Pulling her tightly into my chest I started running my fingers through her hair. "Because Alice this is what friends do. We help each other," I reassured as she rested her head on my shoulder. "The next time someone offers you something, and you want to take it, come talk to me. We'll handle it together."

She abruptly pulled away from me. "Never again Bella. It was a one time slip. I won't ever take anything ever again. I promise," she prattled fervently her red puffy eyes flitting back and for the between mine.

"Just don't lie to me anymore Alice. That's all I want." I stated simply.

"I swear, never again Bella," she replied, a smile finally making it's way onto her face before throwing her arms around me once again. We pulled away from one another smiling and both immediately reached for the Kleenex box causing us to both break into giggles. It felt really good after the morning we'd had.

After we had pulled ourselves back together, we settled back into the couch beside one another.

"Jasper, I know you've been listening. You can come out now," I called knowing he was most likely waiting behind the door eavesdropping on our entire conversation. As expected his head immediately peeked out from around the bedroom door. He warily entered the room his eyes darted between Alice and myself. I offered him a reassuring smile, resisting the urge to roll my eyes as him. You'd think he was dumb struck into shock that the two of us could actually work though our issues without him mediating.

By this time Edward had come out of the shower so the three of us took turns grabbing showers before making our way out of the house to finally get some food.

As soon as we pulled into the parking lot of the diner, Alice was bouncing in the back seat, giddy with excitement. "Oh Edward why didn't you tell me we were coming here," she squealed throwing herself out the door. "I can't wait for you guys to meet Oma and Poppop." I was a bit taken aback by her sudden enthusiasm.

I let Jasper out of the back seat before slowly closing the car door behind us. Alice skipped over to our side of the car grabbed him by both hands and literally pulled him across the parking lot towards the entrance. I couldn't help but laugh at her antics as I followed them into the diner.

Once inside I was immediately met by a short gray haired woman who quickly enveloped me in a hug. I hesitantly returned her embrace, not having expected to by met with such force by the little old woman.

"You must be Bella. The picture they showed me did no justice to you at all sweetheart. You're a beautiful child," she cooed pulling away placing her hands on my cheeks and giving them a soft pat. "I'm so glad to finally meet you," she said with a warm smile before releasing me.

I shot Edward a nervous glance, but he just shrugged, giving me a crooked grin in response to my obvious discomfort. The woman was completely oblivious as she linked her arm through mine and dragged me further into the diner. Walking towards to the kitchen she yelled, "Johan! Johan! The children have returned, and they've brought Bella and Jasper!"

Seconds later, a tall balding man emerged from behind the kitchen door. Wiping his hand on his apron, he approached us. "Addie my dear, calm down. You're scaring the poor girl," he said with a kind smile reaching out his hand to me.

"Oh nonsense!" she scoffed pulling me around the front counter towards an open booth. "Here sit," she ordered pushing me into the seat before grabbing Edward by the arm and shoving him down next to me. "Alice, Jasper," she called over her shoulder. "Come, sit down!"

Alice led Jasper over to us, pushing him into the seat before plunking down beside him. The whole table shook as she bounced her leg in excitement. After formal introductions, they all fell into easy conversation with Oma and Poppop, as Edward and Alice affectionately referred to them.

I sat quietly in the corner, chewing at my bottom lip and picking at my napkin. It's not that Oma had made me uncomfortable per se. I just couldn't help but remember my own grandparents. Both of Charlie's parents and Grandpa Higgi passed away when I was a young girl so I didn't remember them so much, but I remember Grandma Higgi very well. In fact, she used pat me on the cheeks, just as Oma had just done, whenever I got to see her. She lived down in Phoenix so I didn't get to see her much, but it helped a lot having her only a phone call away after mom died. I was heartbroken when she died of cancer shortly before my fifteenth birthday, just months before I ran away from home.

I felt a warm weight fall around my shoulder giving it small squeeze and looked up to realize that Edward had draped his arm around me. He shot me a quick smile and wink before continuing on with his conversation. And just like that he snapped me out of my depressing thoughts and brought me back to the present.

I tried unsuccessfully to keep the smile from spreading across my face. That simple action just showcased the easy bond and understanding Edward and I had formed over the past twenty four hours. He knew I was lost in my thoughts and needed help to shake them, but he did so in a way that I didn't feel smothered by him. He simply gave me a quick nudge in the right direction.

Edward kept his arm behind me, resting on the booth behind us, as Oma bugged him about what we wanted to eat. She was rather insistent that she be allowed to prepare her specialty while Edward argued that much work wasn't necessary. As expected Oma won out and ran back to the kitchen to call our order back to Johan.

As she disappeared into the kitchen, my attention returned to my present company. For the first time since I sat down, my eyes fell on Jasper who was seated directly across from me. His eyes were fixed behind me and a scowl was firmly in place on his face. I immediately realized that he was staring at Edward's arm. I kicked him under the table and shot him a pointed glare. Instead of complying with my non-verbal request he merely shifted his glare from Edward's arm to Edward himself. At first I thought Edward was completely oblivious to Jasper's stare but when his arm dropped from the edge of the booth back onto my shoulders pulling me closer beside him, I knew he was more perceptive than he let on.

Pissed at Jasper for getting so upset over such a innocent gesture, I purposely turned towards Edward, leaning my head back against his arm as I asked him about his history with Oma and Poppop. Edward picked up on my intentions instantly as he shifted in the seat as well, bringing his other arm up to begin twirling a piece of my hair as he recalled having Sunday morning brunch in the very same diner, every week with his parents when he was growing up. We continued in this manner of innocent touches as we conversed with one another, only breaking apart when Oma reappeared with our meal.

I knew my actions were childish, but I was sick of Jasper constantly hovering over me, acting as if I was completely incapable of handling myself. Now he might have been justified in his worry in regards to men touching me, but I had already spoken to him about Edward and made it abundantly clear that I had no problems with him. The only other explanation I could see for Jasper's glare would be jealousy, and if that was the case than he deserved to be taunted because that would have been just ridiculous.

As I was eating I couldn't help but notice the way Alice's entire demeanor had shifted ever since we had stepped foot into the diner. I could tell how much she adored this place just based on her wistful expression as her eyes flitted around the room taking in the décor, the customers, and most significantly Oma. It was obvious this place and these people held a very special place in her heart.

"Alice have you ever thought about working here?" I blurted out unable to contain my curiosity.

Her wide eyes snapped to mine, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. I hadn't meant to put her on the spot, I was merely curious why she wouldn't want this place to be more a part of her life on a daily basis.

"What I meant is, this place obviously means a lot to you. I mean look at you, you're still bouncing in your seat over there. I guess I just wondered if you had ever thought about it, that's all." I explained with a shrug hoping to relieve some of the uneasiness I saw on her face.

"Oh, well, I guess I've thought about it. I love this place. I love Oma and Poppop too. I always have…" she trailed off wistfully. "But you heard what Edward said. We used to come here every single Sunday. I bet _they_ still do," she admitted with a sad smile.

"Oh," I replied nodding in understanding. As excited as she was to visit, I imagine the barrage of memories wouldn't have been too welcoming on a daily basis. I forget sometimes that Alice and Edward have parents within thirty miles of us. Parents that probably still love them.

"I'm sorry Alice, I didn't mean to pry." I said reaching my hand across the table to grasp hers.

Squeezing my hand in return she looked back at me. "It's all right." she said, the cheerful smile quickly returning to her face as she broke out into another tale of their time at the diner as children.

When Oma came to clear our plates she shot me the biggest grin I'd seen out of her yet. I knew she was reading a bit too far into the body language between Edward and I. As we moved out of the booth Oma grabbed a hold of my arm saying "Not so fast dear child, come with me," before pulling me back into the kitchen as the rest of them made their way towards the door.

I turned to her with wide eyes wondering what on earth she was going to say to me about my relationship with Edward and how I was going to explain our actions. To my surprise she had other things on her mind.

"Listen Bella. I know things aren't as wonderful in your lives as Edward likes to try to portray," she said in all seriousness. Upon seeing my shocked face she continued, "I've lived many years sweetheart and I may be old and but I'm not senile. I'm a lot more perceptive than he gives me credit for," she stated with a sly grin.

"Oma I'm not sure what you are implying, but I assure you Edward is doing his very best to care for all of us," I said defending him. I'm not sure how much she knew about the way we lived, and I definitely wasn't going to be giving her any more information than what Edward had already shared with her.

"Oh I know that dear. What I mean to say is that I would like to help. I can't offer you kids nearly as much help as I would like to, but I do have a proposition I hope you might consider."

"O-kay," I answered slowly still skeptical as to what she was getting at.

"I want to offer you a job sweetheart, if you don't already have one that is."

"Really?" I squeaked unable to contain my surprise. "You want to give me a job?"

Upon seeing my enthusiasm she elaborated on her offer. "Well I can't pay you much, but Johan and I could really use an extra set of hands around here. We don't move quite as quickly as we used to, and it would be nice to have a young girl like yourself around to help out from time to time. A beautiful smile like yours is sure to brighten this place up a bit."

"Oh Oma¾I don't know what to say," I babbled as the sting of tears began.

"Well I hoped you might say yes dear."

"Yes! Yes Oma yes!" I laughed, "I would love to come work for you!" I screeched throwing myself into her arms.

_A job. A real job! There's no way the guys would be opposed to me helping out here. Oma and Poppop were as sweet as they come. There's no doubt that this was probably one of the safest places to work I could possibly hope to find._

"Thank you _so_ much Oma! I can't tell you how much I appreciate your offer. I'll talk to the others and I'll be in touch soon to work on the details, okay?" I asked still on cloud nine.

"Of course dear. You take care of yourself now you hear," she said before dropping a bag with four to-go containers into my hands and shoving me out the kitchen door.

I all but skipped out of the diner to join the others, but stopped short as soon as I opened the front door. Edward and Jasper were in the midst of a stare down, standing with only a foot between them, both their sets of hands clenched into fists. Unwilling to let them ruin my good mood, I pranced over towards them. As soon as they noticed me approaching they each took a step back, their posture relaxing, obviously not wanting me to be aware of whatever was going on between them.

"So guess what you guys," I asked as I reached the car. "Oma offered me a job!" I exclaimed in a high picked squeal.

"No way! That's amazing Bella!" Alice cried, her excitement equivalent to that of mine.

She dashed around the trunk of the car to wrap me a exuberant hug. I looked over her shoulder at Edward who nodded and shot me a supportive grin. After Alice released me, I turned around to face Jasper and give him hug as well. When my eyes met his I became aware of the disgruntled expression etched upon his face, the smile immediately falling form mine.

Confused at his expression I slowly took a step towards him. "This is great news don't you think Jasper? A real job? I can finally start to help out. Help us save up for our own place," I explained hoping I was misreading the look on his face.

He scoffed in response.

I felt a flash of anger rush through me at his dismissive attitude as I glared at him defiantly.

"No Bella. Do you honestly think that working here is a good idea given your issues with strangers, especially _men_. I can't believe you were actually considering accepting the job," he scolded, his words hitting me like a slap across the face.

He wasn't happy for me.

He didn't think I could handle this.

He didn't believe in me.

My face fell even further as the implications of his words sank in. He wasn't going to let me take the job.

Surprisingly Alice snaked her arm around my waist giving me a tight squeeze before turning towards Jasper. "That's not fair Jasper. You have to at least let her try it, it's Oma and Poppop's place for shit's sake. It's not like she'll be working at a raunchy biker bar," she said sternly.

Still looking disgruntled but unwilling to go up against Alice, Jasper clenched his teeth and said nothing more on the matter. He stomped around to the other side of the car and plopped down into the backseat without another look in either of our directions.

I turned toward Alice and pulled her all the way in for another hug. "Thank you Alice," I whispered into her hair.

Pulling back she looked me smiling before answering, "Any time friend."

For so long, Jasper had been the one person I could always count on to believe in me. I know for the past several years he had been the one to take care of me, but you'd think he'd have been more receptive of what a great opportunity this could be for me, for all of us. I thought he would be proud of me for wanting to take the job, for showing exactly how much I had grown in the last few weeks. Instead I was reprimanded like a dim-witted child.

I was never more grateful for Alice's friendship than I was at that very moment. Had she not stood up for me up, I undoubtedly would have complete given up on the idea right then and there, relenting to let Jasper decide, once again, what was best for me rather than doing so myself. Having her at my side, believing in me and fighting against Jasper for me, left me feeling invigorated and inspired.

I _could_ and I _would_ do this.

I just hoped with time, and perhaps a bit for of Alice's persuasion, Jasper would come to support my decision as well.


	12. Chapter 12 part 2

**A/N:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

BPOV

Having spent the better part of my life with Jasper, one would have thought we'd have had an honest to god fight before. I remember having many arguments over the years, but they were never about anything of consequence. In fact, I think this was the very first time we hadn't seen eye to eye on something of importance, and let me tell you, it had not been pretty.

We spent the rest of the day going back and forth from heatedly arguing with one another to giving each other the silent treatment. He didn't want me to work and had a list of reasons as to why I shouldn't even consider attempting it. Though many of his concerns were legitimate, I still didn't think they were enough to keep me from at least giving it a shot. At the end of the day we were at an impasse, but the fact that both Alice and Edward were behind me made it easy for me to stand by my decision to take this job whether I had his support or not. When I finally laid it all on the table and told him as much, he snapped.

"Whatever Bella. _Go ahead_. Take the goddamn job," he snarled, his lips curling in disgust. "You want me to back off? Think you can take care of yourself and don't need my help or advice? _Fine_! I'm done with this shit," he sneered while storming out of the room and into Jess' bedroom, slamming the door behind him while yelling, "Do whatever the hell you want."

Alice had come over to me, immediately pulling me in for a hug, as I swatted angrily at my cheeks, brushing away the tears. "Oh Bella, you know he didn't mean to yell at you right? He's just been under a lot of stress lately. It's not your fault. Please don't cry," she rambled, running her hands up and down my back.

I didn't even know why I was crying. I was angry, not hurt. It was like my head and my heart were at war as to what I should feel at that point.

I told Alice to just let him be because obviously there was no reasoning with him at that point. But Alice wouldn't be Alice without a little meddling, so after a final squeeze, she let me go and followed him into the bedroom.

The rest of the night was surprisingly quiet. Jess was out on the back porch on the phone with Mike. I knew this because she squealed his name when her phone starting blaring some cheesy Backstreet Boys song that I can unfortunately say I recognized. I tried stifle my giggle while Edward snorted and raised a brow at my reaction to the song. I just shrugged and rolled my eyes at him. So what if I recognized the horrendous tune. I mean really…what tween girl didn't go through a stage of being a boy band fan.

While Jess stepped out to take the call, Edward took the opportunity to clear the house of the rest of the stragglers. The term houseguest took on a whole new meaning with these people. They just roamed around the joint no matter what time of night it was without a care as to whether or not any of the actual owners of the house were present. I don't think I'd have ever gotten any sleep around there without Edward around to kick the squatters out.

At some point in the early morning I was startled awake by a rather heavy weight falling onto my lap. My yelp of surprise broke Jasper, who was perched on my lap, into a fit a laughter. He threw his arms around my neck, pulling me into his chest while rattling off apologies for his stupidity, and emphasizing how proud he was of me and most of all how very much he loved me... and then he serenaded me. That's right...serenaded. His lovely song of "Bella wella fo fella mi my mo mella Bella", which he ever so delightfully sang to me before doubling over into another fit of hysterics.

Yep, Jasper was definitely wasted. I would have said he was on something if I hadn't known him better than that. I was too tired to deal with him anymore that night so I mumbled my forgiveness before shoving his drunk ass off my lap and readjusted to a more comfortable position in the recliner before falling asleep once again.

The next morning I called Oma to work out the details. I would be starting in two weeks, and working Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday afternoons. Although I would have preferred to have started sooner, I needed time to get some more appropriate clothing to work in because my cut off shorts and stained tops weren't going to cut it. I was hoping Alice might have something in their storage unit that could work because the last thing I wanted to do was start spending money before I even made any.

For the next three days we continued to crash at Jess's place, and the basic daily routine remained the same. Edward and Jasper came and went at various times throughout the day, leaving Alice and I to fend for ourselves a lot of the time. I got to know Jess a little bit better. She was actually a relatively nice girl once I got to know her…just a little boy crazy is all. She didn't seem to actually have much of a problem with me or with my relationship with Edward or Alice as I had first suspected. She was a bit possessive, but now that Mike was back in the picture, all of her focus was thrown in his direction. I learned all about the ups and downs of their four year relationship, hearing more than I wanted to know really, but I'd sat and listened just glad to be counted as one of her friends rather than enemies.

As far as I could tell, Alice hadn't touched the hardcore drugs since that first night despite being offered them on more than one occasion. People were often passing around a joint and she would occasionally take a hit but never any more than that. Alice had explained to me a little about her withdrawals and that the pot took the edge off. I could see that she was making a valid effort to clean herself up, and as long as she was staying away from the hard stuff that really messed her up, the smoking didn't matter as much to me.

In the evenings Edward was in and out of the house at all hours of the night to run people around when they paged him. I offered to accompany him a few times but he refused, saying there probably wouldn't be room in the car or that I was already lounging in my sleep clothes. There were a few times that he left earlier on in the evening, telling us that he was going to go hang out with one of his friends that had called. As much as I would have liked to have gone with him, I understood his need to have his own life outside of our foursome and to have some time for himself.

The relationship between Edward and I had changed considerably over the last few days. We were quickly perfecting the art of secret glances and silent exchanges. He always knew where I was in the room and made a point to check consistently if I was doing alright without even making a move towards me. For the most part Edward had taken over Jasper's role as protector, yet he had done so in a way that I didn't feel belittled by my dependence but rather encouraged by his assistance.

Jasper had taken up sleeping beside Alice, either on the couches or in Jess's room, while Edward would keep watch over me as I slept. Regardless of whether I slept in the recliner or on one of the couches, he always kept his distance by opting to sleep sitting on the floor leaning his back against the furniture and looking terribly uncomfortable. The first night I tried to get him to share the couch with me ¾ I definitely wouldn't have minded his warm body pressed up against mine ¾ but he refused, saying he didn't want to wake me in case he had to run out in the middle of the night. I realized the reasoning made sense to him, given his knowledge that I was a light sleeper, but I couldn't help feeling rejected by his refusal, especially since I still ended up waking up whenever he would leave at night. Somehow my subconscious just knew when he would leave, and I'd wake up.

My relationship with Jasper on the other hand, was starting to break down. We hadn't spoken any further about the job since he gave his drunken apologies, but that in no way meant things had gone back to normal between us. The truth was, between my request for emotional distance and the lingering tension from first real argument, Jasper and I had barely spoken in days. In fact, the only time he really interacted with me was late at night when Edward was out. It was pathetic really. As soon as Edward would give him "the nod", Jasper would move in with Alice from wherever they were in the room to sit beside me. I felt like he was some sort of guard dog hovering over me, ready to take a bite out of anyone who would dare to even speak to me. Alice tried her best to keep the conversation flowing, but the interactions between Jasper and I were awkward and forced.

Tonight we found ourselves moving on to a new place. Jess had taken something and she and Alice had a bit of a spat. It seemed Alice wasn't the only one around here that let her emotions fly off the handle when under the influence of illegal substances. As a result, Jasper, Alice, and I were sitting on the curb waiting for Edward to come pick us up. As terrible as it might sound, I was actually glad they'd had a fight. Perhaps being on the receiving end of a druggy's outburst would show her first hand how hurtful someone could be when high out of their mind and help her hold firm in her decision to never take anything again.

When Edward pulled up to the curb, he didn't look pleased at all. I'm not sure how long we were hoping to crash at Jess's place, but he obviously wasn't expecting to have to find us a place to stay tonight, and appeared to be more than a little upset about it as he slammed the car door behind him and stormed over towards us.

"What the _fuck_ did you do Alice? Jesus Christ, you are never going to fucking learn are you. It's fuckin twelve o'clock at night. Bella's in her fucking sleepwear already. How the fuck do you expect me to find a goddamn place for us to stay on such short notice? Fuck!" he fumed, wringing his hands through his hair.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, not even trying to defend herself. "Can't we like get a hotel room or something? Just for tonight until we figure something else out?"

"I just paid the damn cell phone bill this morning. I don't have the fuckin money to get us a hotel room Alice," he sneered, obviously blaming her for putting us in this situation.

Hating that Alice was taking the fall for something she didn't do, I piped up. "Edward, it's not her fault. Really, she didn't take anything. It was Jess."

His fiery eyes snapped to mine in shock at my defense of Alice.

"You don't have to get so stressed about it. I mean, if we can't find a place to stay we can sleep in your car or find some abandoned building for the night. It's not like we haven't been there before," I offered, hoping to calm him down.

"Over my goddamn dead motherfucking body will you be spending one more fucking night in some dilapidated abandoned building," he seethed through gritted teeth.

He dug his cell phone out of his pocket, pulling it open and punching furiously at the buttons before holding it up to his ear. He paced up and down the street as he proceeded to make several phone calls before finally returning to us.

"Alright I found us a place to stay tonight. It's not ideal, but it'll have to fuckin' do," he declared, glaring at my pajama pants before moving to get into the car.

"With who?" Alice asked while she and Jasper climbed into the back seat.

"Damnit Alice! What the fuck does matter who we're fuckin saying with?" he growled slamming his car door behind him.

"Because I wanna know," she continued to badger him from the backseat. "Come on, just tell me."

He groaned and rolled his eyes before looking in the review mirror at her answering, "Felix."

"Awww come on Edward…not Funky Felix's place," she whined, wrinkling her nose in disgust. I couldn't help but snort at her nickname for the guy. _Funky Felix._

"Don't even fuckin' start Alice," he warned, not the least bit amused. The car fell pretty silent for a while after that. Alice and Jasper were whispering to themselves in the back and Edward just sat next to me, fuming as he drove through the city streets.

"Oh come on Edward, lighten up," I teased, unable to take the tension in the car before turning around in the seat to look at Alice. "So what do you mean by Funky Felix? How'd he get that nickname? Is he like a bit eccentric? Oh no, don't tell me he's one of those dudes that's still stuck in the 70's and runs around sporting an afro wearing bellbottoms!" I snickered at the image in my head.

Alice busted out laughing. "No, Bella. Not that kind of funky," she said continuing to laugh.

"Oh, you mean funky as in he smells bad? Is it poor choice in cologne or a body odor problem? Please don't say he's one of those guys that only takes a shower like once a week. Eww." I said curly my lip at the thought. _Gross. _

"No Bella. That's not why I call him Funky Felix, though you do make a good point about his smell," she said still giggling. "No the real reason I started calling him Funky Felix is-"

"Alice! Shut the fuck up for Christ's sake!" Edward growled, interrupting Alice before she could continue. "She doesn't need to…it doesn't fucking matter anyways. We're here so get the fuck out of the car."

My head snapped around, just noticing that the car had come to a stop. It looked like another one of your typical dingy and grimy apartment complexes. Maybe it was a little worse for the wear, but it didn't make sense that Edward was so bitter about coming here. With how adamant he had been about us not staying on the streets you'd think he'd be a little more pleased to have found a place.

As soon as we walked through the apartment door, I backed up against it, standing there frozen in shock while the others continued walking further into the room. Edward caught my eye across the room from where he was talking to some guy, I assumed he was Felix, but his expression was none too reassuring. Now I understood why he didn't want to take us here.

For crying out loud there was a couple practically having sex on a chair in the corner! In fact, I wasn't exactly sure they _weren't_ having sex on the chair. Since we'd been with Edward and Alice, I'd gotten used to seeing people high, drunk, and in various states of what Alice referred to as being "tweaked out", but this was beyond anything I'd seen. I was used to seeing people either zoned out or laughing hysterically. These people were nothing like that. It was terrifying the way the people in the room seemed to be all loopy and touching each other. Hell, the trio on the couch looked about ready to have an orgy in the middle of the living room. The only thing I could think of was if I got any closer, they might touch me and I'd freak the hell out.

As if seeing all the touchy feely people wasn't making me uncomfortable enough, seeing people holding lighters under spoons and sucking the liquid into needles did me in completely. How they could _want_ to stick themselves with needles baffled me. I hated needles. I hated anything that had to do with needles. Just watching them push that sharp object into their skin made me cringe and try to disappear into the corner I was standing in by the door.

Alice, and subsequently Jasper, had been pulled across the room when some girls recognized her, leaving me alone in my corner. I couldn't even bring myself to follow them because truthfully, I was terrified to take even a single step into the room. I knew I wasn't exactly safe here in the corner of the room, but I hoped that by staying on the outskirts, I could avoid any unwanted contact from any of these people. If I was being honest with myself, I wanted nothing more than to bolt out the damn door and sleep in the car down in the parking lot. As it was, I was left with no other choice then to stay in the apartment because I knew I had no chance in going up against Edward.

Alice and Jasper had made their way all the way over to the opposite side of the living room when Edward realized that I was no longer with them. His eyes searched the room frantically before landing on mine. There was no hiding the panic building within them, so I didn't even try to downplay my emotions. I regretted my internal berating of Jasper over the past few days because that angry guard dog visual was looking pretty damn fantastic right about then.

As soon as Edward reached me, he threw an arm around my neck pulling me into his chest as he leaned down to speak into my ear. "Fuck Bella why didn't you stay with Jasper and Alice? Are you okay?"

_Was I okay? No, I was not okay. I was definitely _not_ okay._

My heart was pounding out of my chest as I looked up into his eyes, feeling downright terrified. His protective arm holding firm around me didn't bring me even an ounce of comfort. I wanted out of here. I wanted to run the _fuck _away.

"Fuck! What the hell was I thinking bringing you here. You're freaking the fuck out," he groaned hugging me even closer to him. "Bella I'm gonna go talk to Felix. There's no way in hell your sleeping out here tonight. I'm gonna get us his room okay?" he asked pulling back a few inches to look me in the eyes..

I couldn't speak.

_He was going to leave me here…alone…as in by myself, without him, while he left to talk to Felix? _

No, no, no. I shook my head repeatedly. My shaking hands moved to his chest as I clenched his shirt in my fists hoping to convey with my actions what I couldn't say with words.

"Fuckin hell baby girl," he groaned wrapping his other arm around my trembling body hugging me close against him "I'm here. I'm not fuckin leaving you," he reassured, leaning his head down to rest on top of my own. He continued to hold me for a minute, running his hands up and down my back in a soothing manner until he realized he wasn't having any effect on my frightened stature. The tremors weren't going to cease anytime soon.

I could feel his warm breath running down my neck as he spoke into my ear, "Bella you're going to have to get a grip for one minute here. I can't walk with you like like this. I'm gonna take you to the bedroom. I'll be right fuckin next to you the whole time. Can you do this for me?"

I nodded in response, my forehead still firmly pressed against his chest. Pulling back slightly, he brushed my hair behind my ears and placed a kiss on my forehead before turning our bodies to face forward. I kept my arms wrapped around his waist while my face was buried into his side as he guided us through the room. I stared at my feet until I heard the click of the door behind me.

Despite the fact that we had made it safely into the confines of Felix's bedroom, I still couldn't find it in me to release the death grip I had around Edward's waist. He shuffled us over to the bed and attempted push me down to sit on it. He obviously didn't realize how strong of a hold I had around him because he ended up falling half way over on top of me in the process.

"Whoa whoa sweetness...I'm not sayin' ya have to let go...but this position might give someone the wrong fuckin' idea if they walk in," he chuckled shifting his weight slightly but not pulling away from me.

Had I not been so freaked out, I probably would have been embarrassed by the position we found ourselves in. As it was I laughed breathlessly while softly offering my apologies, yet making no effort to move or release him. I shifted my body beneath him so I could look into his warm green eyes when the door suddenly swung open causing me to yelp in surprise. I tried to cower into Edward's chest but he was no longer on top of me.

"Get the fuck off of her asshole!" Jasper growled as he threw Edward up against the wall and held him there with one hand pushed against his chest and the other wrung tightly around his neck. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

"Fuck Jasper! What the hell is wrong with you? Let me the fuck go!" Edward spat.

"No," he growled unwilling to loosen the grip he had on him. "Not until you fuckin explain yourself."

"Oh for shit's sake would you calm the fuck down already. I wasn't fucking doing anything you goddamn dipshit." Edward said coolly rolling his eyes.

"Not yet anyway," Jasper sneered.

Pushing Jasper roughly away from him Edward yelled, "Fuck you Jasper! We already talked about this shit. But apparently you were too much of a goddamn fucking moron to fucking listen to me the first time around. So lets try this shit One. More. Fucking. Time." he drawled stepping up into Jasper's face, his voice slow and even. "I did _not_ bring her in here to _fuck_ her."

"Oh really… so I just fuckin' imagined you huggin' and kissin' on her out there," he snarled puffing out his chest as he stood a little straighter attempting emphasize the height advantage he had over Edward. All possible one inch of it, if that anyway. "And then you bring her _alone_ into a goddamn fuckin empty _bedroom_. Not to fuckin mention I found you _laying_ on the bed in between her goddamn _legs_?"

Edward moved even closer to Jasper, his face mere inches from Jasper's. "You're a fucking idiot. Did you even look at Bella when we got here or were you all too fuckin goo-goo eyes for my fuckin sister? I bet you didn't even fuckin notice she wasn't with you," He seethed, his voice raising in volume as his hand clenched into fists.

Jasper's eyes remained hard and cold locked on Edward, though he made no move to attack him again.

Knowing he had finally gotten Jasper's attention, Edward backed away minimally before continuing, "She was fucking _terrified_ out there! All fuckin shaking and shit in the corner. I wasn't trying to get in her pants, I was tryin to calm her the fuck down. And I brought her in the fuckin _bedroom_ to get her away from them, _not_ to fuck her. Of course you would fucking _know_ all of this if you paid one single fucking ounce of attention to her."

At this point Jasper's eyes snapped to mine for the first time since he had entered the bedroom, questioning me as to whether what Edward was saying was the truth or not. Completely livid and unwilling to let this shit between them go on any further, I moved forward to stand next to Edward crossing my still trembling arms across my chest.

"Yes _Jasper_, he's telling the _truth_. You're making an ass out of yourself so I suggest you shut the hell up," I spat through clenched teeth.

Something about me moving to stand next to Edward to defend him made Jasper's anger flare up once again, his heated eyes turning on me rather than Edward. "Well it sure as shit looked like he was trying to get in your pants so _excuse__me _if I was trying to look out for you. It's my duty to protect you," he declared jutting out his chin while copping a holier than thou attitude with me.

_Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me. A duty? A fucking duty?_

"Your _duty_?" I growled narrowing my eyes at him, my arms stiff and fists clenched mirroring Edward's stance. "I'm not a fucking obligation for you to fulfill Jasper. And I believe I've told you more than once that can I take care of myself as far as Edward is concerned."

He scoffed, his disbelieving eyes moving to glance at Edward then back at me.

"You arrogant, overbearing, self-righteous ass!" I roared, lunging towards him. Without another thought my hand flew up and slapped him across the face. "Until you can pull your head out of your ass I suggest you get the fuck out Jasper," I screamed pointing towards the door.

Jasper expression was that of complete and utter shock. He stood there slack jawed, his hand moving to his cheek, feeling where my hand had made contact. He shot one last long look at Edward before he turned on his heel and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

I took a deep breath trying to calm myself before turning around to face Edward and Alice. One look at my red enraged face and Edward lost his cool, actually snorting before falling over onto the bed laughing. Even Alice had cracked a smile as she moved to pull me into her arms.

"Holy fucking shit Bella," Edward cried out from the bed. "I never would have fucking thought you had it in you!"

I sat down beside him on the bed. "Yeah, well, neither did I," I admitted, already starting to feel a bit of remorse for actually having hit him. Regardless of how upset he made me, it still didn't feel right to have hauled off and slapped him.

Noticing my shift in my demeanor, Alice moved to sit down on the other side of me, and threw her arm around my shoulder. "It's okay Bella. You were right, he was being an ass. He totally deserved it."

"Sure," I replied, attempting to force a smile in her direction, though I'm rather sure it was completely unconvincing.

Edward righted himself on the bed before turning to look at me, slapping his hand on my thigh. "Alright I'm gonna go fuckin talk to Felix about using his room for the night. You two stay here til I get back, got it?" He said looking between Alice and myself. Giving my leg a reassuring squeeze, he headed towards the door but turned back around again before walking out. "Oh and lock the door behind me. I don't want any of these crazy motherfuckers coming in here while I'm gone."

Alice got up to lock the door behind him before joining me on the bed once again.

"Bella. Stop beating yourself up about it," she chided, placing one of her dainty hands on each one of my shoulders, effectively forcing me to look at her. "Jasper was going completely psycho. He needed a good slap across the face. Hopefully it will knock some sense into that dense head of his," she said with a wry smile obviously hoping to lighten my mood.

"I know what he was saying was out of line Alice, but that doesn't give me any right to haul off and hit him. I've never hit anyone before, ever," I explained my voice drawing to a whisper, still in disbelief over my own actions.

She contemplated what I said for all of a half a second before rolling her eyes at me.

"Well the way I see it, he's lucky you're the one who got to him first. I would have gone at him with a swift kick to balls for the way he was talking to the two of you," she stated, a smirk in place while single brow was cocked in my direction, a look I had often see her brother use. "Besides, it's not like it was any of his damn business what you two are doing with each other in the first place," she said, flippantly shrugging her shoulders.

I scoffed, rolling my eyes at Alice knowing full well what she was implying.

"I know what I saw Missy," she grinned, waggling her brows at me.

"Oh come on Alice we weren't _doing _anything!" I wailed throwing my hands up, resisting the urge to bury my face in them.

"Don't even try to tell me you weren't going behind closed doors hoping to get all freaky deeky with my brother," she badgered, pushing lightly on my shoulder.

"No Alice! _God_," I scoffed, slapping one hand across my forehead covering over my eyes. "Getting _freaky deeky, _or whatever the hell you just called it, was not on my mind. At all. I swear it was exactly like Edward said," I breathed a laugh, knowing my argument was far from convincing at this point. Shaking my head, I lowered my hand to look at her. "Look Alice, he only brought me in here to get me away from all those creepy touchy feely people in the living room. Nothing more." I argued, attempting to sound firm with my declaration.

Not buying my line for a minute, Alice immediately shot back, "Then what, pray tell, was he doing in between your legs young lady?"

I buried my red face in my arms, wishing my blush wouldn't give my feelings away so easily. "I swear it wasn't anything close to what it looked like." I mumbled causing her to snort. "Alice I'm serious! He was just trying to set me down on the bed and I was so caught up in the moment I ended up pulling him down on top of me."

At hearing this she busted out in a full belly laugh. "Bella listen to yourself! _Caught up in the moment_," she mocked before continuing to giggle. "You do realize you've just confirmed my suspicions. Whether you are ready to admit it or not, I know you wanna get down and dirty with my brother. It's only a matter of time until you see the truth," she teased, an all-knowing grin spread across her face.

I groaned, flopping back on the bed and pulling a pillow over my face, wondering if it was possible to die from too much blood flow to one's cheeks. "Alice what does it even matter whether or not I'm interested in him. You heard what he said to Jasper. There's no way he sees me that like that." I whined, muffled by the pillow.

"Oh come on Bella. Are you really that clueless?" she asked, stealing the pillow I was attempting to hide behind. "Do you not see the looks he gives you all the damn time from across the room? Or the way he's always trying to touch you all nonchalant and shit?"

"Alice all that doesn't mean _anything_. He's just looking out for me and trying to be all reassuring and stuff. He's acting like my friend, nothing more," I recited to myself as much as to I was her. The last thing I needed was her encouraging my fantasies about Edward. It was hard enough reigning in my overactive imagination as it was.

"Bullshit Bella. I have never, and I mean _never, _seen my brother look at someone the way he looks at you," she stated in all seriousness, looking me square in the eye. "I'd bet you anything that had Jasper not barged in on you guys like that, something would have happened between you two. I guarantee it," she declared confidently, crossing her arms across her chest in affirmation.

"Oh please Alice. Not more of this 'I just _know_ things' bullshit. You know I'm not buying it," I said, rolling my eyes as I stole the pillow back out of her hands, intending to hide beneath it once again.

Before she could respond she was cut off by three loud knocks on the door.

"Just wait, you'll see," she called from behind me as I leapt off the bed to open the door.

Edward walked into the room and paused to stand beside me. He was followed rather slowly by a repentant looking Jasper. Knowing I would have to deal with him sooner or later, I opted for later as I refused to meet his guilt laden eyes. Once Jasper was inside the room Edward shut the door and locked it behind him.

"Alright here's the deal. We have the use of Felix's room for the night. But I'm not willing taking any fuckin' chances with you two numbnuts going in and out of the goddamn room all night," he ranted staring down Alice and Jasper as he spoke. "We're here to get some fucking sleep and then we're out of here first thing in the morning. So if you wanna sleep in here instead of out there with the rest of those fuckheads, you're stayin' in the damn room the rest of the night. Got it?"

"Sure thing boss!" she grinned holding her hand up saluting him. "Am I allowed to piss now or would that be against the rules?"

"Alice..." he warned, not to pleased with her obvious mockery. Her eyes flickered between Jasper and myself, making it rather obvious what she was doing. He quickly opened the door to escort her to the bathroom, leaving Jasper and I alone in the bedroom.

Jasper didn't waste a second. The very moment that door clicked shut, he began blurting out his apologies.

"You know I don't think of you as an obligation Bella. I didn't mean it like that!" he wailed, still trying to make eye contact with me. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I didn't notice you didn't follow us. I'm sorry I didn't notice you were scared out there. I should have been paying more attention to you," he said sighing running his hands along his face in frustration.

He appeared to be struggling for words, so I stayed silent, waiting for him to continue. "It's just he's…he's older Bella. Older as in more…experienced than you. I thought he was trying to take advantage of you. Look at me Bella please…_please_?"

My eyes snapped to his as his words replayed in my mind. I did my best to hold myself back from hitting him all over again.

_That's the shit he comes up with as an apology? Fuckin hell, he didn't listen to me at all!_

Gritting my teeth to keep my anger from bursting out of me, I stared right into his hazel eyes. "You listen to me Jasper Alexander Whitlock. I do _not _want to hear another one of your goddamn apologies because you obviously still don't fuckin get it. How dare you accuse him of _trying to take advantage of me_," I mocked, snarling the words back at him. "I'm not some stupid naïve little girl that's just going to allow some guy to take advantage of me. I can't believe you would think so lowly of me. If I wasn't sure of his intentions, what makes you think I'd have let him lead me to an empty bedroom?"

"Bella...from where I was, it looked like he practically dragged you down the hall. Then I come in here and he's laying between your legs on the bed. What was I supposed to think?" he shot back.

"What you were supposed to think, _Jasper_, is that I would ask for your help if and when I wanted it." I snarled, throwing my hands up in frustration. "You should have trusted me. Hell, you should have trusted _him_, Jasper. He's given you no reason so far for you not to."

I began to pace back and forth in front of him as I spoke, trying to alleviate some of the tension rolling through my body before I hit him again.

"Bella," he sighed.

"No Jasper. You need to listen. My relationship with Edward is _my_ business. I haven't stepped in between you and Alice, even when I had every right to," I reminded him. "Would it kill you to extend the same courtesy to me? I'm not saying you have to _like_ the fact that I'm friends with him, because lord knows there's times when I don't like your relationship with Alice, but at least give me the damn choice to have the friendship with him in the first place."

I paused taking a deep breath trying to sort through my thoughts. They were all over the place, and I wanted to make sure I got all my points across because I did not want to have this discussion with him ever again.

"I don't know what the hell you have against Edward, but you need to learn to show some fucking _respect_."

Jasper opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something but I cut him off continuing my rant.

"He has done nothing but look out for the both of us for three goddamn weeks now. Have you forgotten that he's the one who has been keeping a roof over our heads? Been feeding us three times a day? Or have you already forgotten what life was like for us just a month ago?" I asked, staring at him and honestly wondering if he didn't see exactly how much Edward had done for the both of us.

Jasper didn't respond, just swallowed and slowly blinked, unwilling to admit I was correct but unable to look away from my stare which only enraged me further.

"_Not once _has he touched me inappropriately despite any of the ridiculous scenarios your disillusioned mind has concocted. And don't for one second think those dirty fucking looks you throw in his direction every single damn time he touches me escape my notice," I scolded. For days now I have wanted to call him out on those snide stares but until now I hadn't ever said anything.

_And look where that's gotten us... _

"If he wants to put his goddamn arm around me, he can, and _you _need to learn to deal with that! I get to decide the boundaries of our friendship. _Not_. _You_." I growled poking him in the chest hoping to emphasize my point.

"Arrrgghh…_fuck Bella_," he groaned, backing away from me to bury his head in his hands as he plopped down onto the bed in defeat. "I came here to apologize, not piss you off even further. God I can't do anything right anymore it seems."

I sighed and sat down on the bed next to him, "Look I don't want to fight anymore either Jasper," I admitted, my voice softening as I looked over at his anguished expression. "But the shit you pulled tonight is _not _okay with me. Alright? So please just listen to what I said…and for god's sake apologize to Edward."

Before he had the chance to respond, the bedroom door creaked open indicating the return of Edward and Alice. I wondered if they had waited outside the door, listening and waiting for the fighting to stop.

They both stalled at the door, glancing between Jasper and myself, most likely trying to judge by our expressions how things had panned out. Jasper stayed mute, staring down at his feet, unwilling to look at either of them. I turned my attention away from Jasper, over to them, telling them with a nod that it was okay that they came back.

"Ready to go to sleep?" I asked them, attempting to smile though it quickly fell.

Alice slowly made her way over to the bed, but paused in front of us, not sure where to sit. Felix only had a twin size bed so there was no way the four of us were going to fit on it. I stood up off the bed and motioned for Jasper to do the same. I pulled off the top comforter and one of the pillows and handed them to Jasper, barely able to meet his gaze. He accepted them with a sad smile before shuffling his way to the open floor beside the bed. After dropping his pillow to the floor, he turned around to look at us, obviously wondering what the sleeping arrangements were going be.

I looked to Alice, wondering if she would join me in the bed or go to Jasper on the floor. She stared at Jasper as he settled in on the floor before turning back around to look at me. I could tell that she torn as to who to go to at this point. I gave her a pointed look, flicking my eyes to Jasper then back her, silently telling her to go to him. She leaned over to give me a hug before joining Jasper on the floor.

Edward sat down on the bed and leaned over to remove his shoes. I pulled back the sheet and climbed into bed. I settled in, facing against the wall before turning to look at Edward, but he was still sitting there at the end of the bed looking away from me as if he had been giving me privacy or something. I nudged him with my foot to get his attention. I pulled the sheet back down and patted the space next to me, asking him to join me.

He shook his head as if clearing his thoughts and stood up to turn off the light before returning to climb into the bed beside me. There was only one pillow so I scooted my head to the edge of it, offering the other side to him. He jostled around for a minute trying to get comfortable in a bed that was obviously too short for his long frame and too narrow for either of us to really sprawl out.

It was rather ridiculous feeling him try to keep some type of space boundary between us. It was a _twin_ bed for crying out loud and I was pressed as far up against the wall as I could get. If I wasn't in such a crap mood, I would have laughed at how he was trying to balance himself precariously on the edge of the mattress.

After finally finding a comfortable position, he whispered "Goodnight Bella." I rolled back and glanced over at him and returned the sentiments before turning again to gaze out the window. There was a box fan shoved into the lower half of it so the only view I had was of a street light flickering high above the parking lot.

I stared into the night, listening to the droning hum of the fan beside me, mesmerized at the bright light that faded out every few seconds before flipping back on again. I was exhausted from the days events, yet sleep still did not come easily. I kept replaying my fight with Jasper over and over in my head, wondering what the hell had gone wrong in the few short weeks to bring us to the point we were at tonight.

My best friend, the person I trusted the most in the world could barely even look at me anymore. I felt like a raging bitch for having hit him this evening but couldn't help the nagging voice in my head that told me he had deserved it.

I know I had changed a lot in such a short period of time, but then again so had he. I was growing up. I just wished that by trying to find my independence, I hadn't lost the bond I held with him. I don't know how else I could have explained to him what was going on…a way to have not hurt him as deeply as I had.

It was no longer Jasper and Bella against the world. While I readily accepted that two additional people that had joined forces with us, he seemed to struggle with it more and more as each day passed. Edward's experience and ability to care for us greatly overshadowed any effort Jasper had made in the past to do the same. Yet instead of feeling grateful for Edward, he was bitter. Bitter that someone else had taken over the role of caretaker and protector.

Both Jasper and Edward were headstrong and determined, and I was left beginning to question whether those attributes were going to be our downfall. If they couldn't put their differences aside and work together, the only direction we would be headed was on a long narrow road to nowhere. Anywhere was better than where we had been, I just wished Jasper could see that. As leery as I felt about all of these places Edward brought us to, I now saw them as a stepping stone to a better life. The ability to get a somewhat decent night's rest, take a shower on a daily basis, and finally obtain my first real job, had brought me the hope I had long since forgotten. A hope that grew larger every day that I spent with the man that laid beside me. A hope that led me to want more out of life. I found myself driven ¾ driven to fight tooth and nail to make it out of here.

But why did I feel like I was leaving Jasper drowning in my wake?

A nudge to my right ankle broke me out of my musing. I could hear snores filling the room so I knew enough time had passed that Jasper had fallen asleep.

Turning around, I saw Edward on his side, propped up on his elbow staring at me. I could easily make out the furrow in his brow through the light that shone through the window. When my glistening eyes met his, the frown upon his face deepened. He took his bag off and whispered "Lift up" before shoving it under the pillow and shifting to lay down fully on the bed, one arm extended toward the wall as his other hand motioned for me to come over to him. I moved the whole two inches toward him and laid back down, resting my cheek upon his chest as his arm wrapped around my back holding me firm against him.

After a few moments of silence the arm on my back moved to smooth my hair down, gently running his hand across my head, over my neck and down my back in a soothing manner. His other hand rested on my upper arm, his fingers caressing my skin softly. I was no longer on the verge of tears, finding solace in the comfort of his embrace.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into his chest causing his hand to stall behind my neck. He tapped gently against it, silently asking me to look at him.

His expression was that of confusion with a hint of anger. "What on earth are you apologizing for Bella?" he asked quietly.

"For Jasper. For the way he treated you," I replied feeling somewhat responsible for Jasper's outburst. Edward had merely been caught in the crossfire of our deteriorating relationship.

"Don't Bella. Don't you dare fucking apologize for that," he scolded, though when he saw the pain flash in my eyes at his tone, his expression immediately softened while his hands continued with their soothing ministrations.

"You have nothing to apologize for baby girl. You've done nothing wrong," he reassured giving me a tight squeeze as his hands slowed to a still. I didn't necessarily agree with him, but I was not going to argue my point. I'd done enough of that over the past few days with everyone else.

After a few minutes, Edward's silky voice broke the silence once again. "Jasper will come around Bella. Just give him time," he spoke softly, his tender voice actively soothing my fears. It amazed me that even though I was lying against him, leaving no way for him to see my facial expression, he was still able to sense what was going through my head.

"I hope so," I whispered, finally closing my eyes for the first time since I'd laid down. I just wanted to relax and enjoy the feeling of being wrapped in his warm embrace.

I wondered how long he intended to hold me, being as I was no longer upset. I figured he would shy away from me just as he had every night before. When I lifted my head to glace at him I found him with his eyes shut, though my movement caused them to flutter open. His warm eyes gazed down at me as I offered him a small smile which he returned before closing them once again and tilting his head to the side on the pillow.

I nestled in closer against his body and closed my eyes, filled with the realization that for the first time since we'd met, I would be falling asleep in Edward's arms.

_It. Was. Pure. Bliss._


	13. Chapter 13 part 1

**A/N****:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

EPOV

A month. An entire fucking month had passed already since we'd met Bella and Jasper. It really made me question where the hell time fucking disappeared to. I'd found myself contemplating that shit on the goddamn daily, but never finding a fucking answer. Before they arrived on the scene, it seemed like our days never goddamn ended. It was just one long ass continuous day packed with retarded ass bullshit left and right. Since they joined up with us, I actually found myself counting the fucking days, as if there were a fuckin' purpose behind it or some shit...but I knew there wasn't. The only purpose it had was being able to shed light on the fact that a lot of fucking shit can change in the span of one stupid ass month.

In one bullshit ass month, Jasper had learned all the ins and outs of living my lifestyle. No matter how much of a dick I thought he was at any given moment where Bella was concerned, I had to hand it to the bastard, he had perfected the art of pretending to be the best friend of any of the stupid fuckers we encountered daily. He had this calming ability that lured the fuckers into a false sense of security around him, every stupid fucker but me. It irritated me to no fucking end because I knew how big of a cocksucker that motherfucker could be, but I dealt with that shit in front of others.

In one fucking month he'd also single handedly started destroying his relationship with Bella. For all the fucking accusations he flung routinely in my direction when it came to Bella, that stupid dick only had himself to blame. I kept trying to give them room to work through their bullshit, but it just kept getting fucking worse. I'd take Ali out for a few hours in hopes that they'd at least just goddamn talk for a few minutes, but when we'd return you could practically cut through the fucking tension between them and then inevitably, he'd give me the fucking stink eye when she'd latch onto me and pull me in a direction away from him. I didn't know what the fuck to do anymore.

It had been two weeks since Ali and Bella had worked their shit out. Their friendship seemed to be on the up and up, and even Ali herself seemed to be turning some major fucking corner. It'd been two weeks since she'd taken any hardcore shit. Sure, I'd caught her smoking some pot, but I knew where she was coming from when she said that she just needed to take the edge off. Even Bella knew she would sneak a joint or two in every now and again. She wasn't exactly thrilled with that shit, but she dealt with it because she knew how hard Ali was trying to stay away from the shit that made her turn into a raging psychotic bitch.

Jasper though...I didn't know what the fuck had crawled up that shitwad's ass - well aside from me getting closer to Bella but whatever, fuck him, he needed to get over that shit and in the quickness too. He'd been showing signs of dabbling into the drug scene, probably more than I gave a shit to acknowledge. He'd pissed me off too many times for me to give a rat's ass how he fucked up his own life. As long as he didn't bring shit raining down on the four of us, I didn't really give a fuck what the hell he did...well that's not entirely fucking true, just mostly true.

_Ah fuck...who the fuck am I kidding..._ I thought wryly, staring up at the cracked fucking ceiling. I really didn't give a shit about him one way or the other.

If it wasn't for his previous relationship with Bella, and knowing how much he actually meant to her, I would have written his ass off weeks prior. I was pretty fucking certain he'd become a regular tourist of the Universe of fucking Stupid. I didn't fucking want to, but I knew I was going to have to confront him about all this bullshit. So help me God if he wasn't the only family Bella had left, I wouldn't waste a fucking second of my time bothering with it, but he was, and she'd already lost so fucking much in her short life. As much as I couldn't stand the fucker at the moment, I couldn't just let him fucking destroy her like that.

That frail little innocent and shy girl that I'd been so damn blindsided by had all but fucking disappeared as of late. She had more spit and fire in her lying just beneath the surface than I would have ever been able to imagine. For shit's sake, she hauled off and slapped that stupid fucker across the face! He's twice her fucking size! And he's one fucking lucky bastard that he didn't raise a hand back to her because I would have fucking killed him right there with absolutely _no_ fucking hesitation. I don't stand for that shit, never have and never fucking will, and _especially_ not in her goddamn direction. As far as I was concerned, any motherfucker that dared lay an aggressive hand on her would find themselves six fucking feet under before they knew what the fuck hit them.

_Thirty more minutes...thirty more blissfully silent fucking minutes..._ I thought as I peeked at the time display on my phone.

In thirty minutes I'd have to rouse Bella from the first peaceful sleep she'd had in weeks. I'd had to bust my ass over the past two weeks, hustling shit as quick as I could get my hands on it just to pull some money together to buy Bella a few outfits that would be "appropriate" to work in as Alice had claimed. Ali had tried giving her some of her shit from the storage unit, but the pants were too short for her and the shirts were too tight, or so she said. Personally, I thought the shirts looked fucking spectacular, but I kept my mouth shut for once.

She had been so damn excited to start working with our surrogate grandparents that I didn't have it in me to make her wait until I could save up money to get her some new, and undoubtedly fucking needed, clothing. Needing to make the money quickly, I finally gave in a few days ago and ended up heading to Jared's, and broke the one promise I'd made to myself when I started fucking dealing drugs. I told Jared that it was a _one time _fucking deal, that I wasn't going to carry that shit routinely. He didn't give a shit - he gave me what I asked for and I bolted. I pushed that shit out of my possession as quickly as I could, looking over my shoulder at every fucking step and turn I took. The amount of fucking H, meth, and dust he had given me was un-fucking-real. It was like a goddamn test or something to see if I could get rid of it all without getting fucking busted.

Fuck that fat bastard...I did it too. I got rid of that shit in one day and went back to collect my cut off of it. I thought that fucker was gonna have a goddamn aneurysm or some shit when he opened the door and saw me the following morning. It took him a full fucking five minutes to shut the goddamn door after I walked in past him. Jackass seriously needed to be zapped with a fucking cattle prod or some shit to jolt his brain back into functioning at least somewhat normally. Idiot. After a half hour of adamantly fucking refusing to sell any more of that shit, he finally gave me my cut.

I'll fucking admit it, it was hard to walk out of there with my usual stash after he handed me a little over a grand, but I fucking did it. No matter how good that fat wad of cash felt in my pocket, I knew the kind of trouble that shit brought down on fuckers like me. As soon as I left his place, I picked up Ali and Bella and brought them to every store Ali suggested. Bella wasn't exactly thrilled with the amount of money I'd spent on her that day. Pissed was putting it lightly. After the third store, she refused to even look at me anymore, much less fucking mutter a single word at me. The hissy fit she threw when I came back after leaving them in a store for an hour and handed her a cell phone, had me nearly in fucking stitches. It was fucking adorable.

My little ice queen finally thawed out later that night though. She was the cutest thing I'd ever seen that night as she shuffled up to where I was sitting on a couch watching some stupid reality tv show, fidgeting nervously and looking all repentant and shit. Being the cock that I am, I sat there silently and quirked a brow at her as I propped my head against my thumb and forefinger and shit. She snorted and rolled her eyes at me as she dropped her hands that she'd been wringing together and plopped down in my lap as she wrapped her arms around me and kissed my cheek. Fucking _kissed _my cheek.

Not a word was spoken between us that night, mostly because we just didn't fucking need em. We'd nearly perfected a fucking silent form of communication between us. Like fucking telepathy or some shit. One look or small gesture between us fucking said it all...well almost all. I was still burying all of my longing for her bullshit, and it was getting harder by the goddamn day. I'd nearly told her how fucking infatuated I was with her the day we got into a debate, in Walmart of all places, over single vs multi-bladed shaving razors. The fact that she would purposely oppose every goddamn thing I said, amused me to no fucking end. I'd come up with some of the most fucking ridiculous bullshit points and she'd fire a counter strike instantly. The girl was fucking quick witted and I loved it. I could argue with her about stupid bullshit endlessly and never goddamn tire of it.

There were other things I'd never fucking tire of as well...like holding Bella in my arms as she slept. It had only happened once - the night we spent at Felix's - but it was pretty fucking safe to say that it was the best goddamn night of my life so far...and simultaneously the worst. The worst part of that equation came early the following morning when she shifted in her sleep and kneed me right in the goddamn nuts. Fucking twin size mattresses.

As if that wasn't painful enough to fucking start with, I'd also been sporting a case of massive fucking morning wood. Yeah...not the best thing to have come in contact with her bony ass knee. I nearly fell out of the fucking bed when I recoiled back in pain and tried to cup my junk without making a fucking sound. When the pain finally faded, I was left with a goofy ass grin the rest of the day every time I thought about the fact that she'd touched my junk...albeit unknowingly.

_Yeah...I'm a sick motherfucker cause that shit's making me grin right now..._

_And there goes the alarm - so much for the peace and fucking quiet..._ I thought as I shut it off quickly and rolled over toward Bella's side of the motel bed we'd spent the night in.

Ali and Jasper were still passed the fuck out on the other bed. I'd gotten us a room the night before so Bella could get a good night's sleep before working her first shift at Oma and Poppop's diner. I was almost afraid that it wouldn't have made a difference with how excited she was, but as soon as she hit the mattress and the quietness of the room hit her, she was out like a fucking light, snoring softly. Even Jasper, with the stick up his ass, cracked a chuckle at the sight of it.

After forking out money for her clothes, the phones, new kicks for Ali, me, and Jasper - and having some _outrageously _fucking priced maintenance work done on the car yesterday - I was left with enough to cover the room for two nights and still have just a little cash left in my pocket for food and shit. That wasn't taking into consideration the two hundred I had started keeping stashed away in the storage unit for emergencies. I didn't ever want to end up at fucking Felix's shithole in the middle of the night again with Bella in tow. That shit was too traumatic for her.

The fuckers that hung around there didn't have a specific vice that they enjoyed partaking in. They dipped into anything and everything that was in front of them. Judging by what was going down in the living room when we'd walked in, it was pretty fucking safe to say that they'd been partying with some E - among a mess load of other shit. Fuck, I'd had to give that douchebag three hundred fucking bucks worth of straight coke. A goddamn gram and a half that came straight out of my pocket.

I couldn't afford to pull that shit off again. It would have been so much goddamn cheaper if I'd had enough cash of my own to spring for a room that night, but I didn't. I'd just paid up to Jared a few days before, and the money I'd made had been spent between food for the four of us, the goddamn cell phone bill, and gas. I literally had jack shit in the form of cash on me. If Jared's trust in me hadn't gotten to the point where he allowed me to come in when I needed to instead of him calling me in randomly, we seriously would have been spending the fucking night in the car, cause there wouldn't have been a goddamn thing I would have been able to do about it. I wouldn't have been able to take a risk like that - giving those drugs away - without knowing with absolute certainty that Jared wouldn't call me in before I could make that money back.

Call it a defining moment, or a moment of enlightenment - call it whatever the fuck you want to, but I realized that I really needed to start managing our money better or we'd never get the fuck off the streets. Hence the reason I stashed a quick two hundred in the storage unit. That night was the _last_ fucking time I was going to take a three hundred dollar dive when it could be avoided.

Honestly, Felix's place was the last place I ever wanted to fucking end up spending the night. I could have smacked Ali when she started telling Bella why she called him _Funky Felix._ She didn't need to fucking tell her the story when chances were she'd fucking see it first hand anyway - and see it she practically did. Alice had started calling him Funky Felix when we'd been at some massive house party shortly after she joined up with me. She'd walked into a room in a drunken stupor and found him smack dab in the middle of a fucking orgy. Let's just say that the girl under him wasn't the only one being fucked by a dick.

Thank god his bed was made when we went in his room or we would have been sleeping on the fucking floor with Ali and Jasper. His bed being made was a sure sign that it hadn't seen any action that night and the bedding was clean. He only ever made the fucking bed when his shit was freshly washed. Nasty fucker.

_Goddamn...I really don't want to wake her up. She looks so fucking peaceful right now..._

"Bella," I said softly as I shook her shoulder. She groaned and buried her head further into the pillow and rolled further away from me. I laughed quietly and scooted closer to her.

"Baby girl, wake up or you'll be late," I tried again. At this her head popped up and a sleepy smile graced her beautiful fucking face.

"Morning sunshine," I chuckled quietly.

"Morning," she croaked, her voice all thick with sleep and shit and making me smile like a fucking dumbass.

"Go hop in the shower and I'll run and grab us some quick breakfast," I offered as she rubbed her eyes with her little fists and nodded.

I quickly got out of bed, having already showered and changed for the day before laying back down on the bed, and left our room, locking the door behind me. I made a quick trip down the street to a fast food joint and bought some breakfast sandwiches and four cups of coffee. It wasn't the best shit in the world, but it'd do until later. At least the shit was cheap.

By the time I made it back to our room, she was almost ready to go, which fucking amazed me. It always amazed me how quickly she could fucking shower and be ready to roll in a moment's notice. Unlike Ali.

"What's your poison? Bacon or Sausage?" I asked as I put the tray of coffees down on the dresser that I swear was from another fucking era completely. It looked older than goddamn dirt.

"Bacon...tell me you got extra creamers and sugar," she said with a sinful look of desire aimed at the cups of coffee.

_Fuck me...if only she'd look at me that way...damn..._

"Like I'd fucking forget," I laughed as I tossed her the bag full of creamer cups and sugar packets.

"You. Are. A. _God_," she groaned, the sound going straight to my fucking cock. The very same cock I'd already unloaded in the fucking shower that morning. _Shit_.

"Did you pack the cell phone?" I asked, needing to get my attention off my junk.

"Yeah...I still don't understand why I need one. There's a phone at the diner Edward," she grumbled.

"It's just in case there's ever an emergency or some shit. It was a cheap phone Bella, and it only cost like twenty bucks a month to add you and dickwad back there to the plan," I countered as I jabbed a thumb in numbnut's direction. She sighed as she gave me a somewhat fucking reproachful look and I rolled my eyes as I held my hands up in surrender.

"Are you ready?" I asked, not wanting to be the one who pissed in her cornflakes that morning. She nodded and tossed her mini book bag looking purse thing, whatever the fuck it was, over her shoulder and picked up her sandwich and coffee from the dresser.

I followed out behind her and again locked the door behind me before descending the stairs down to the parking lot. The ride to the diner was quiet as she ate her breakfast and drank her coffee. As we got closer to the diner, she started nervously fingering the hem of her shirt and shifting awkwardly in her seat.

"Bella, relax. You'll be fine. Oma will be there with you the whole time," I said, trying to boost her confidence. I knew how much this shit meant to her. It was more than just making the little amount of money that they could give her. It was her being able to do something on her own and feel as though she was contributing in some way, and I wasn't about to fucking take that away from her the way Jasper had been trying to. I didn't know what his deal was, but that douche needed to buck up and stop treating her like a fucking two year old.

"What if I mess up though? Like what if I get people's orders wrong and stuff, or I drop plates with food on them or something," she rambled. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to stop from laughing.

"So what? It fuckin' happens sometimes, Bella. Ask Oma...I bet she's done that shit and more over the years," I said with a shrug as I turned a corner and the diner parking lot came into view a little ways down the street.

"But what if they're regular customers and they get pissed and don't come back? They might lose business because of me," she said worriedly.

"Baby girl, they're pretty much _all_ regular customers, and I highly doubt they'll stop going there because of one incident, that probably won't even happen mind you. You'll do great, you'll see. Just be you charming little self and woo the pants off those fuckers," I said and she burst out laughing. "Well not literally," I amended, making her laugh even harder as I pulled into the lot.

She sighed as she looked out toward the diner and undid her seatbelt as she chewed on her lip. I reached over and tugged it free from her teeth. "You'll do fine. Stop worrying and get your ass in there already. Oma's already peeking out the window," I chuckled as I waved at Oma.

"Thanks Edward," she said with a slight smile.

"Anytime sweetcheeks...hey do me a favor today though. Try and convince Oma to get some apple or pineapple juice up in that place will ya? If I have to drink another glass of chunky ass orange juice I'm gonna hurl," I said and then pretended to gag. She laughed as she rolled her eyes at me and got out of the car before leaning down to look inside the open door.

"I'll see what I can do," she said with a wink and shut the door before jogging up the steps. I grinned at her retreating figure but it fell instantly when I caught Oma waving a finger at me with a quirked brow. I held my hands up with an innocent expression and mouthed "What?" to her. She smirked and left the window, shaking her head as she went and I laughed as I pulled out of the lot. Crazy old bat. Definitely one of a kind that one was.

I quickly drove back to the motel and jogged up the steps, hoping to get a few more hours of sleep before actually starting my day of complete all around fuckery. I'd talked to Jared the night before and all signs were now a go for me to bring Jasper by and get him started on his own fucking supply. It'd taken fucking _forever_ to get him to agree on bringing someone new in. He trusted me like no other, but fuckin' A that man had some serious paranoia when it came to unknown faces on the street...with good fucking reason though. Ya never knew when a new face was an undercover five-o. It was too goddamn risky to just let motherfucker in on your business out here.

Alice was just getting up when I walked in and she smiled up at me with half opened eyes.

"Did you drop her off?" she asked groggily. I nodded as I passed her and kicked my sneakers off before flopping back down on the bed and shoving my bag under the pillow I was planning on using.

"She wasn't nervous was she?" she asked and then yawned as she stretched.

"At first, but I made her laugh with some stupid shit and she calmed down pretty quick. She'll be alright," I said. She mumbled a "That's good" before getting up to dig through the bag of food on the dresser.

"So when are you gonna tell her that you're in love with her?" she asked around a mouthful of food and my eyes popped open.

"What?"

"Don't what me jerkface. I'm not blind. I see the way you look at her all lovey dovey and shit," she laughed after swallowing. "She's a cool chick...I think she's a good match for you."

"I'm not in love with her Ali. Yeah, I like her, but there isn't much I can do about that shit. First of all, she's seventeen. Second of all, she deserves someone far better than me," I grumbled as I tossed an arm over my face.

"Get over yourself Edward. She's around this shit every day, do you really think it would surprise her all that much how you make your money? And what the hell does her age have to do with it? Just don't bonk her until she's 18 and you're in the clear," she said as I peeked at her from under my arm.

"Alice, look at all the issues that the two of you have had because of the drugs and tell me she won't have some _huge_ fucking problem with me being one of the reasons all these goddamn shitheads around us are tweaked out everyday," I argued and she just shrugged.

"Ya never know. She's been a lot more understanding and forgiving than I could have ever expected... What are you gonna tell her when Jasper shows up with a bag like yours later today?" she asked curiously.

"Ugh...I'm making a damn decoy bag for her to go through. It's filled with shit that's supposed to be stolen by other people that we sell on the streets or some shit. It was the best I could come up with to get her attention off of it," I groaned.

"Ohhhh Edward, sometimes I swear you're retarded. Do you really think full out lying to her that way is going to make it any better when she finds out?" she asked. I rubbed my face vigorously with my hands in frustration.

"What else am I supposed to do Ali? I don't plan on doing this shit much longer," I said, exasperated with the entire situation.

"Tell her the truth Edward. If she gets mad then she gets mad, at least you would have told her the truth. She'll get over it eventually, but lying to her like that will only make it worse in the long run," she pressed. I grunted and rolled on my side and stared at her.

"Why haven't you told her yet?" I asked suspiciously. If she wanted her to know the truth so bad, she could have told her at any time.

"Not my shit to tell," she shrugged. "This is your issue, I have enough of my own. And besides, she's hasn't actually asked me what you do to make money. I can't say that if she ever straight out asked me about it that I wouldn't tell her, because I probably would. She's tired of people sheltering her Edward, and that's _exactly _what you're doing."

"Ali will you just let me handle this shit _my _way? I can get out of this shit before she finds out," I pleaded tiredly.

"Fine, but I'm telling you this isn't gonna end well," she said as she got up to go take a shower or some shit. I ignored her and rolled over, clutching my bag and the pillow beneath my head and closed my eyes.

_Fuck me...what if she's right? Shit...what if I actually told her the truth and she was wrong?...Goddamn it. It's a fucking catch 22. I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I fucking don't...Fuck this shit...I'm doing this _my_ way and that's the end of it...If it goes wrong I'll fucking fix it later somehow..._

"Edward, dude get up. We gotta roll," fuckwad's voice interrupted my rather enjoyable dreams. Sunny beaches and a bikini clad Bella with a tan was a hell of a lot better than the shitbox motel room I was opening my eyes to. _Fucker...couldn't have given me ten more goddamn minutes of utter fucking content...Dick._

"I'm up...fuck what time is it?" I groaned as I rolled over.

"It's noon and your pager's been going off for a half hour nonstop," he said as he sat on the opposite bed and leaned over to put his shoes on.

"Fucking hell," I growled as I grabbed the stupid thing from the nightstand between the beds.

I sat up and called the numbers back before hitting the head to freshen up and painfully try to piss through my raging hard on. Fuck morning wood...I probably could have hammered nails into concrete with what I'd woken up with.

"Let's go," I grumbled as I strode out of the bathroom uncomfortably. "Ali we'll be back later. I left a twenty in the bathroom in case you get hungry."

We hopped in the car and I took off in the direction of our first stop. I handed him the bag and told him to go on ahead and make the sale while I waited for him in the car. As soon as he was out of the car I flipped open my phone and sent a quick text to Bella, the real reason behind why I let that fucker go off on his own with my shit.

**Does Oma have any dishes left? -E**

I didn't get an immediate response so I tucked my phone into my pocket and continued to wait for Jasper to return. He came back about ten minutes later and hopped in the car. I ran into our second stop and was in an out in five minutes and had us back on the road. Just as we were pulling up to the third building, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I sent him in again and waited til he was out of view before fishing it out of my pocket and flipping it open.

**Ha ha very funny dishes r fine but it took me 20 min 2 figure this txt thing out** **-B**

I laughed and shot another one her way.

**Any luck on the juice front? -E**

I smirked as her response came much quicker the second time, and laughed as I read it.

**Oma said OJs better 4 u so deal w it, but I found the juice stash so ur safe -B**

"What's got you laughing?" Jasper asked as he slid back in the car just as I was slipping the phone back in my pocket.

"Nothing dude. Alright, don't forget what I said last night. He'll try to get you to stick around because he thinks it's some fucking friendly business meeting or some shit. Just get in, get your shit, and get out," I said as I put the car in gear and pulled away. He nodded and I turned up the stereo, giving him time to himself to think through the shit he was about to get himself into full time.

In the past month I'd gone over and over this shit with him. I couldn't fucking make it clear enough to him that once he started up with Jared, there was no goddamn safe way out until he'd earned his leave. _Fuck_, I wasn't even sure if _I'd_ gotten to the point where I could just say I'm done and not come face to face with the cold barrel of a gun, brandished by just one of many of his right hand men, and I'd been up to my nose in the shit for two fucking years. It wasn't a decision that he could make lightly, not the way my stupid ass had. All I'd seen was a quick and easy way to make money. I knew better than that fucking shit now.

"Okay this is it," I said as I pulled up the driveway and turned the stereo down. "Are you _sure _you want to do this? Because once you walk out of that door with his supply there's no turning back. You're a part of this game until you can prove yourself trustworthy enough to get out without repercussion. The only other way out is jail or death."

He took a deep breath and nodded. "I got this shit... the sooner I start making money, the sooner we can stop bouncing all over the fucking place," he said as we got out and walked towards his fate. I explained the rules about Jared one more time on the way to the door. When we rang the bell, Jared answered wearing a black t-shirt and pair of basketball shorts. I almost laughed at the expression on Jasper's face. Whatever he'd been expecting Jared to look like, apparently wasn't what he fucking saw standing in front of him. I guessed he was expecting there to be a seven foot, muscular, ex-marine looking motherfucker standing there or some crazy ass bullshit, not the fat balding asshat that Jared actually was.

As soon as we stepped in the door, Jared started interrogating him immediately and once he found out he was homeless, he brought up the usual questions: _Where are your parents? Why don't you have a real job? Do you have a long term plan? _Jasper's face said it all. _"Hell if I knew that, I wouldn't be trying to sell your drugs now would I?", _is what he fucking _wanted _to say. Instead, he told him that he just wanted to earn enough money to get himself of the damn streets.

He asked if Jasper had a family and he told him no. I had told him it was best to not mention anyone else, and I already knew I was going to do my damnedest to keep Bella's existence under wraps when it came to those douchebags. None of those low lives were ever going to know about her. It was too fucking dangerous for them to know he had someone they could use to bait his ass.

Jared led us down to the basement and I swear Jasper was about ready to fucking turn and bolt. He looked calm outwardly, but I didn't miss the slight widening of his eyes as he took in the massive amounts of drugs everywhere - or the fucking arsenal of guns and shit laying around. Shit, I think the fucker might have stopped breathing for a minute too. When he tried to get Jasper to sit back and talk, I cut in saying, "If you want your shit sold then we have to bounce. I need my supply refilled too," as I dropped my bag on the table in front of him.

He laughed and stood up, handing Jasper a brown paper bag as I held out his roll of cash. Just as I'd expected, Jared was starting him off with a limited supply as he'd done with me. It didn't fucking matter though, I'd teach him how to cut that shit and make a profit off of it. Jared made quick work of counting what I handed him and giving me my cut as one of his dickhead associates tossed shit in my bag. I kept a close eye on them, paying close attention to what they were shoving in there. I sure as shit didn't want them sneaking in any more of the shit that would land me in cuffs before I even knew what the fuck was happening.

As Jared walked us to the door, he warned Jasper of what happened to the last guy who tried to take his goods and leave, and then about the guy who tried to rat him out. I wasn't sure if Jasper wanted to drop the bag and run for his fucking life or shit his fucking pants right there. It took everything in me not to laugh hysterically at his terrified fucking face. It was fucking hilarious to see him lose that goddamn calm facade of his so fucking quickly. Unlike me though, Jared fucking laughed his fully belly guffaw and then pointed at him as he clapped him on the shoulder, "You've been warned. _Don't _fuck me over." Jasper nodded quickly and damn near stumbled out the fucking front door.

"You're such an asshole sometimes," I chuckled as I bumped Jared's fist and then turned to follow Jasper back out to the car as he called out from behind me, "You know as well as I do E, fear goes further than trust or respect."

"You good man?" I asked as I slipped into the car. Stupid fucker was still looking a bit jumpy.

"Yeah...I'm good," he nodded, but then started chewing on his fucking nail. I shrugged and turned the radio back up. I he wanted to talk he could. I wasn't going to push him. I'd fucking warned him and now it was too fucking late for him to turn around.

Instead of heading back to the motel room where we had left the Alice, I took him to a different place so we could separate and cut the shit Jared had given us. I pulled up to a rundown apartment building and slid out of the car quickly. He followed my quick footsteps as I led us into a shithole of an apartment.

"Old Man River! How's it hangin' dude?" I asked, kicking the back of the recliner the old timer was sittin' on just inside the doorway.

"Still a good two inches from the floor smartass. What brings you by?" Willie retorted and I laughed as I slapped his shoulder.

"Same shit, different day old man. We'll be in an out, but I'll be back later in the week to shoot the shit with ya." He nodded at me silently and Jasper followed me down the hall and into a bedroom where I shut and locked the door behind us.

When I emptied my bag out on the dresser, Jasper watched me quickly and methodically separate a bunch of pills and shit into their own containers. It was quicker to find what I was looking for when someone approached me, and the quicker I could make the swap, the less amount of time I had to spend being distracted by looking for shit in my bag. He continued to watch as I weighed and then divided my supply into sections, weighing each to make specific amounts, and then bagging them.

"Weigh all your shit first, just like I've showed you before, so you know the exact amount that you'll owe Jared when it's time to pay up," I told him as I started sectioning off just short of half my supply.

I went on to warn him again that if he shorted Jared, he was fucked, and if he overpaid him, he was fucked again because Jared would know he was doing something to his stash that was bringing in more money than what was expected. I drove the point home that Jared knew _exactly_ how much we would owe him when we showed up to pay him, regardless if we had some stash left or not. He'd figure it out instantly and he needed to be constantly aware of that number.

Jared didn't work like most suppliers. Most low end drug dealers, hustlers, street runners - whatever you wanted to fucking call us - paid upfront for what we were given and whatever we made was ours. Not with Jared. He's a greedy ass fucker and he makes more money doing it his way, by giving us a shit cut of the profit. There's a major disadvantage to the way he plays the fucking game though. If one of us gets busted with a full stash, he's out both the cost and the fucking profit, not to mention the fucking supply itself. I stupidly tried arguing that point with him once, a few months after I'd started dealing for him. Forcing me to stare down the barrel of a fucking gun, he told me to make a decision on the spot. Play the game his way, or end it - again, _his_ way. Since I'm still fucking alive, it's pretty fucking safe to say which option I chose.

He wasn't fucking around when he said that fear goes further than trust or respect. Prior to that moment I had been on somewhat friendly terms with him. I'd both trusted and respected him because he was a pretty fucking straightforward dude. That was the fucking end of it right there though. If it hadn't been, the second time I came face to face with the end of his sidearm definitely was.

Someone had started leaking shit to five-o and he wanted to know who the fuck it was. When I didn't answer, he had his henchmen kick my fucking ass to the point where I could barely hold myself up on my knees and forced me to look down the barrel of that goddamn gun a second time. The fucked up part was that it wasn't that I wouldn't answer - it was that I _couldn't_. I didn't fucking know who it was. I really thought I'd reached the end of my fucking road that day when he cocked the hammer back. That goddamn click seemed to echo for motherfucking miles and where most people would either accept their fate or start bawling or some shit, I became fucking enraged.

Somehow, the sudden influx of fury gave me strength and I pulled myself up off the ground and grabbed the end of his gun. I pressed that shit right to my fucking forehead and told him to pull the fucking trigger if he wanted to, it wouldn't get him a fucking answer because I didn't fucking have one to give. I swore up and down that he was gonna do it, and for some stupid reason I was proud that I wasn't going out like a fucking pussy. I'll never know what it was that made him withdraw his gun, whether it was because I was courageous - or foolish - enough to stand up to him, or if something about my reaction made him realize I was telling the truth.

I'd gained some respect from him that day, and two days later when I gave him the answer he was looking for, I gained his trust. What he gained out of me was fear.

Whatever respect or trust I'd had left in him was erased completely. I'll never show that shit to his face, not even if I come face to face with the end of his sidearm again, but so far, that day has worked out solely in my favor. He's never questioned a single thing I've ever said or done since. Not that it fucking matters. If he ever caught wind of the shit I did behind his back it wouldn't grant me any fucking mercy. That's what he meant by fear goes further than trust or respect. Fear was supposed to keep your ass in line. Little did he know, respect went a lot further with me than fear did.

"You have to be fuckin' careful with how much you cut from your original stash. You don't ever want to be put in the position to have to sell a weakened supply to someone who's not mentally fucked already at the time," I said as I looked up from what I was doing. I needed to focus on something other than all the shit I'd been through the last two years. Dwelling on that shit never did me any fucking good.

He nodded and watched as I finished bagging all the straight shit and then made quick work of cutting shit into the rest and bagging them before instructing him in how much of his stash he should cut and how much pure junk to cut it with. I even tossed him some containers to help him keep it all separate so he'd never fuck it up. As soon as we were done, I tossed a twenty sack of weed at Willie on the couch, and led Jasper back out of the apartment.

"That was Willie. He's an old fuckin' man that spends his time smoking pot and watching some bullshit painting show on tv. I shoot the shit with him occasionally. If ya ever get bored, he'll keep your ass entertained for hours on end telling you shit about when he was a hippie in the sixties n' shit," I chuckled as we jogged down the steps with our bags slung over our shoulders.

"How'd you meet him?" he asked curiously.

"He sits out on the front stoop of the building sometimes, smoking his shit and not really giving a damn if someone catches him. I was coming out from makin' a drop off one day and he just started talkin' to me out of nowhere, telling me some shit about how getting pot used to be as easy as buyin' cigarettes n' shit. I laughed and sat down and smoked a J with the dude. After a while I just started comin' here to cut my shit, and occasionally I'll toke with him and listen to some of his stories for a bit," I replied and he nodded as we slid back into the Volvo.

"Okay, since the demand for cocaine has grown in this city recently - among other things, I'm gonna take you around to some of the bigger customers," I said as I drove down the streets of Seattle.

"If you're in good with them, then you're in good with Jared. He's close with a few of them and they already know we work for him so the more they like and trust you, the easier it is to get more supply," I explained. I'd never brought him to these specific places because they were some paranoid motherfuckers, just like Jared. I didn't need them running back to Jared and telling him I was already getting this guy into the game without the go ahead from him. Too much trouble for my fucking liking.

"Whatever you do, don't ever fucking sell these people weakened shit. Regardless of how fucked they are at the time, they'll know the difference. Don't ever bring up Jared to them either, they'll think something's up with you and it'll get back to Jared quicker than you can fucking get out of the building," I said and he nodded, taking full mental note on everything I was saying.

We pulled into a sizeable apartment building, and he turned and asked, "Did that shit really happen to that one guy?" talking about the punk who'd sold Jared out...well tried to anyway. He didn't make it very long after opening his goddamn trap. From what I knew, he'd made it all of the two fucking days that it took me to find out who it was that had been spilling shit to the authorities. He'd been so jacked up that he hadn't been recognizable when Jared and his thugs were done with him.

Jared may like to act like a friendly business entrepreneur or some type of bullshit, but in reality, he's one sadistic motherfucker when it came to being crossed. The fucking scary part though, was the two jackasses that Jared told Jasper about, were just the tip of the goddamn iceberg. I'd seen fuckers come and go over the last two years, and some of them just fucking _vanished_ into thin air. I didn't know what happened to them after I'd last seen them, and more importantly, I didn't fucking _want_ to know what had happened to them.

Word on the street was that they'd identified the remains of the nark by a bullet that had been lodged in his back years before and had never been removed. Something about it matching up with x-ray images from when he'd been treated for his injuries or some shit - fuck if I know. If it wasn't for that damn bullet, they probably would have never known who the fuck he was. Not that there would have been some tremendous effort placed on figuring out who he was to start with anyways.

People on our side of the tracks weren't exactly affluent members of society or some bullshit. It didn't matter who we were anymore so much as what stupid motherfucker was now running the streets in our place. It's sad, but it's the absolute fucking truth. When one of us hits that dead end, there's always some stupid shit waiting in the wings to take our spot. We're disposable, replaceable, and pretty much fucking worthless in the giant scope of things.

I just laughed humorlessly at him and opened my door and started walking towards the concrete building. He grabbed his stuff and followed me up the sidewalk. I was wondering when he was gonna ask me about that shit.

"Fuck yeah it happened. So don't mess shit up," I said, pushing the buzzer on the building marked James. I left it at that. He didn't need to know what role I'd played in that bullshit. He had a big enough beef with me befriending Bella. I wasn't about to give that jackass anything to add to it.

After he buzzed us in we took the stairs to the third floor. I told him it was best to not be seen in the elevator by the cameras because if you come in often and something was to happen, you didn't want your face to be seen. He agreed completely. I did this three raps pause two raps knock bullshit thing on the door while explaining that it meant it was me but I wasn't alone. The first three were just routine, but it was the number of raps in the second set that made James aware of how many people were on the other side.

James had long blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail, and his arms were covered in a tattoos that he was like uber-fucking proud of for some goddamn reason. The dude rarely ever wore a fucking shirt, claiming he had to show off his fucktastic ink. Who the hell he was showing that amateur work off to was fucking beyond me as there was _never_ anyone there with him, and I highly doubted the douche left his apartment with any regularity. After pretty much the same introductions from Jared's house and Jasper letting James pat him down for wires and shit, we left to hit up a few more places. Like I said, paranoid motherfuckers.

I introduced him to the next groups, telling them, "From now on, if I'm not here talk to this man, he's working for the big guy too." We even stopped by a few places that weren't on Jared's list, because that's how we made the real money. By cutting our stash with straight up junk, we increased the amount of supply that we had available to sell, anything over what we owed Jared was ours to keep. It didn't matter if we sold weak shit to people that were blitzed constantly as it was because they wouldn't be able to tell the fucking difference anyway. There were some stupid ass motherfuckers on the streets.

"Was that the last stop? Cause I'm fuckin' starving," Jasper griped as we slid back into the Volvo. I rolled my eyes as I shut my door. Seriously, the fucker used to go days without eating jack shit and now he can't go a few fucking hours. Jackass.

"Yeah...we got one more thing to take care of before we go back though. Bella's gonna shit when she sees you with that bag," I told him as I started up the car. I wasn't sure if this shit was gonna work or not, but fucking hell, I had to at least give it a shot.

"I was thinking the same thing...there's nothing we can do about it though man," he relied as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Actually, there is. I put two decoy bags together. They're identical to our bags but I filled them with bullshit. So here's the deal, Alex makes his living by peddling stolen shit. He lent me enough of his last grab and dash to pull this shit off, but I gotta get it back to him by the end of the fucking week."

"What kind of shit's in the bags?" he asked curiously as I headed toward the storage unit.

"Mostly crap like designer perfumes, portable electronics, CDs, stupid shit like that. Things that are easy for him to grab and run. How that stupid fucker hasn't gotten caught yet is a goddamn mystery. The guys he normally runs with call him Ghost because he can get in and out of practically fucking anywhere completely undetected," I chuckled as I shook my head. That little douche was a fucking enigma in the way he works.

"So we're telling her that we're selling stolen goods on the street, but we didn't steal the shit ourselves, right?" he asked and I nodded as I pulled up to the storage complex.

"Pretty much. It was the best I could come up with on the fly," I shrugged as I killed the engine and slouched down in my seat.

_Fucking hell...I guess it's now or never to confront him about all the horseshit...I really don't see this shit going fucking smoothly, but then again, what goddamn thing in my life ever goes smoothly?_

_Fuck. My. Life..._


	14. Chapter 13 part 2

**A/N:**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, we all know this. **

* * *

EPOV

The silence that engulfed us instantly was fucking tense as I tried to figure out how to approach him about his relationship with Bella. I didn't want to fucking fight him or some stupid bullshit. Frankly, I'd had enough of arguing with him over the last few weeks, but I didn't really see us getting through this without either of our tempers flaring the fuck up. Hell I couldn't be sure at that point if we wouldn't end up throwing down with one another over it seeing as how we were both short fused and completely fucking irrational at times. Him in regards to Bella, and me in regards to...well fucking everything.

I understood his discomfort with Bella and I getting closer, somewhat, but he needed to fucking understand that I wasn't just trying to get in her fucking pants or some shit. Not that that thought hadn't crossed my mind at least a million goddamn times, but it wasn't like it was the only fucking thing I was interested in. If that was the case, it would have already fucking happened.

Not to fucking mention that if that had been the only thing I was interested in when it came to Bella...my fucking dick wouldn't be ready to hop out of my pants call some kind of neglect and self-abuse helpline - cause Lord knows it's been over a fucking month since anyone but me, and Bella's bony ass knee, has touched my fucking junk. Seriously...it's ready to fucking explode...or detach itself from me and bury itself in the first pussy it can find and never leave.

"Why don't you call Bella and ask her what time she needs to be picked up," I said as I leaned against the door, not really wanting to reflect on how fucking long it had been since I'd had a piece of ass.

"Why don't you? You seem hells bent on taking my fucking place anyway," he scoffed as he rolled his eyes, and just like that he lit my fucking fuse. So much for not wanting to fight with the douche.

"What the fuck is your _problem_ lately? You've been acting like a complete fucking _dick_," I spat angrily. "Whatever your fucking problem is with me, keep that shit with me. Don't take your bullshit out on her when she's done nothing fucking wrong."

"I'm not taking anything out on her..."

"_Bullshit!_" I growled. He turned in his seat and narrowed his eyes at me as I pointed at him. "You either make some dickhead comment about her getting a job or you fucking ignore her completely. You're pushing her away asshole. If you keep it up you're going to lose her and you'll have no one to blame but yourself."

"I'm only doing what she asked me to do. She asked me to back off...so I am. What the fuck do you want me to do?" he retorted gruffly.

"She didn't mean for you to act like she doesn't fucking exist and you know it. She only meant for you to let her figure out her own way for once. I don't get it man," I said as I shook my head, "She's a strong fucking person. Why can't you just be supportive of her instead of talking down to her like she's a fucking kid?" Seriously, he had to realize how degrading that shit was toward her.

"Stop talking about her like you know everything about her. You don't know _shit_ about her, not like I do!" he yelled, jabbing his fucking pointed finger between me and himself. "Bella may be strong, but she's naive as hell and she goes running head first into shit without ever thinking of the fucking consequences. Someone has to slow her ass down once in a while, and if I have to look like the dick because I'm the only one willing to do it so she doesn't get hurt, then so be it," he argued. I pinched the bridge of my nose and let out a strained laugh.

"Don't you fucking get it? _You're _hurting her!" I yelled back. "You hurt her every time you talk down to her. You hurt her every time you fucking ignore her. You're not fucking protecting her from anything man, you're fucking holding her down and making her feel like she can't do shit on her own. How the fuck is she supposed to function in life if something ever happens to you? She has to fucking learn how to stand on her own asshole. She can't just spend the rest of her life relying on you for _everything_," I shot back, fucking pissed that he was so goddamn oblivious to what he was really doing.

"And what the fuck am I supposed to do when she doesn't need me anymore? She's _always_ needed me. She's my only fucking purpose in life. If she doesn't need me, where the fuck does that leave me?" he mumbled as he slouched further down in his seat, looking all defeated and shit, and then I understood it.

I understood what his huge fucking problem was. He was fucking afraid that if she was able to stand on her own, she'd have no use for him anymore and she'd leave him behind. And here he fucking thinks that _I _don't know anything about her. What a fucking joke.

"You've got to be the blindest motherfucker I've ever met in my life. Either the blindest or the fucking stupidest...I'm not sure," I laughed as I shook my head and turned to look at him.

"Do you really believe the bullshit that's coming out of your mouth? She'll _always _fucking need you asshole. You're her fucking _family_. She loves you man, and she'd do anything for you. She stepped aside when you got involved with Ali so that _you_ could be fucking happy. She didn't want to hold you back. It killed her to fucking do it, but she did it..._for you_. Why can't you do the same for her?"

"What does it fucking matter to _you_? I don't get what fucking game you're playing. You purposely do shit to get under my fucking skin when it comes to her, with your sly little touches that piss me the fuck off, but now you're trying to be all fucking buddy buddy and what not with your pep talks and shit. If you're not out to get in her goddamn pants than what the hell is it that you're after?" he spat with a heated glare.

"Her happiness dipshit. That's what I'm after!" I yelled, throwing my hands up in the air. Was it really that fucking unnoticeable? I mean shit, he'd been around my ass for an entire fucking month and _not fucking once_ had I made any type of inappropriate advance on her. That _alone_ said a lot coming from someone like me.

"All I fucking want is for her to be _happy_, and you're shitting all over her chance to feel good about herself. What the fuck is wrong with you man? If you love her the way you say you do, you'd want what's best for her." _The way I do_... I thought but didn't say.

He let out an aggravated grunt as he tossed himself out of the car. I followed quickly behind him, intent on not letting him walk away from this bullshit. If he didn't want to fucking lose her, then he needed to man the fuck up and stop acting like a goddamn two year old.

"I _do_ love her and of course I want what's best for her. All I've ever wanted is what's fucking best for her, even if I couldn't provide it!" he shouted as he paced back and forth behind the car. I leaned against the trunk and crossed my arms across my chest.

"Then what the fuck's the problem?" I asked as I contemplated sticking my foot out and tripping his ass. Maybe a quick meet and greet between his face and the pavement would knock some fucking sense into him.

"I don't know _how_ to be there for her anymore! I've spent _years_ protecting her, providing for her, and sheltering her. How the fuck am I supposed to let go now? How do I take that fucking step back without feeling like I'm losing my fucking spot in her life?" he ranted as he continued to pace. Sticking my foot out was really beginning to look like a good fucking idea, if for nothing more than to get him to stay in one fucking spot for ten goddamn seconds.

"It's not about letting go moron. It's not like she's a fucking caged bird that you're setting free into the wild and she'll never come back or some shit. All she's asking you to do is let her make her own decisions..."

"And what if she fucks up? What if she makes the wrong decision? Then what?" he argued, cutting me off and continuing his little one fucking soldier parade. Really, that pacing shit was getting on my fucking nerves.

"Then nothing... Would you quit fucking pacing already? You're giving me fucking whiplash over here," I growled. He spun toward me with clenched hands and I rolled my eyes. "Calm the fuck down and just chill out for a minute."

He took in some type of fortifying fucking breath and walked over to one of the storage doors and slid down to the ground. I left him sitting there to chill out for a few minutes while I dug the bags out of my unit and tossed them on the trunk before leaning against the side of the car in front of him.

"Look, we all fuck up Jasper...it fucking happens. We fuck shit up and then we get up and fix it. She needs to learn how to do that on her own. If you never let her fall, she'll never learn how to get the fuck back up dude," I said calmly as his head flopped back against the metal door with a hollow thump.

"You make it sound so fucking easy dickwad, and it isn't. Shit used to be so easy between us...natural...like breathing or some shit. Now every time I turn around, I don't know if what I say or do will piss her off so I don't say or do _anything_. It's fucking killing me. And then to top it off, she's starting to go to _you_ for everything and then I get pissed the fuck off because it should be _me_ that she comes to. I feel like I'm fucking failing her," he rambled and I snorted.

"The only way you're failing her right now is by acting like such a dick lately. Just be there for her dude, and you can start by fucking calling her and asking her what time she needs to be picked up. The way you've been acting lately about her getting a job has been complete bullshit. What's the deal with that shit anyway? Why have you been such a prick to her about it?" I asked, wondering what the cause was behind all his stupid fuckery when it came to her having a job.

"She freaks the fuck out around strangers. If some douchebag touched her or some shit she'd probably fucking melt down. That scares the fuck out of me because I won't be there to pull her out of it," he answered, running his hands through his hair agitatedly.

"Get the fuck over it already man! She's a big fucking girl Jasper, she can handle her own!" I yelled as I threw my arms in the air. He was seriously pissing me off.

"Don't tell me to get over it asshole! You've never fucking seen what happens to her!" he roared back as he stood rapidly and stepped toward me aggressively.

"I don't need to see what happens to her to know that she's sick of being afraid. She'll never get over that fucking fear if you keep throwing that shit in her face all the goddamn time!" I roared back as I pushed myself off the car.

"What? You think just because she's told you a few fucking things and hung out with you a few times that you fucking know her better than I do? She doesn't know what she's getting herself into! The minute some dick that she doesn't know fucking touches her she's gonna wig the fuck out," he sneered.

"This is fucking pointless," I sighed as I shook my head and took a step back. "Your head is jammed so far up your fucking ass it amazes me that you can fucking walk around. The _only_ fucking reason I've sat here trying to talk some fucking sense into you is because I hate seeing how much you acting like a dick hurts her, but I'm done with this bullshit. If you don't want to support her, then don't, but keep your fucking dickhead comments to yourself or I'll break your goddamn jaw. She deserves better than that, especially from someone she loves," I seethed, ready to knock his fucking head right off his shoulders.

"I know she deserves better than that! She deserves better than all of this shit!" he bellowed as I stalked around to the trunk.

"Then fucking do something about it asshole! Quit acting like such a dick and treat her the way she deserves to be treated. Get your head out of your ass and act like the fucking brother you claim to be instead of the pussy that you're acting like. And while you're at it, get off the goddamn drugs before she figures that shit out," I ranted, feeling pure fucking rage course through my veins as I tossed the decoy bags in the trunk. I needed to get the fuck out of there ASAP before we ended up throwing down in the alleyway. I slammed the trunk lid down and looked up to meet his fucking icy glare.

"What?"

"I'm not on drugs," he scowled.

"And I'm Mother Fucking Teresa...save it for someone who will believe it and get in the fucking car. We're done here," I muttered exasperatedly as I passed him to lock up the storage unit. I heard the car door slam just as I was fastening the lock and I sighed as I fished my phone out of my pocket. I walked a ways back behind the car and tried to cool off for a minute before calling Bella, not wanting to alert her to my foul mood.

I don't know what the fuck I'd ever been thinking in trying to talk to his stupid ass. It was like he cared more about his role in her life than fucking being in her life at all. It was complete fucking bullshit. He had to know that at some point he'd have to let go of the goddamn ball and chain he kept her on. Did he fucking expect to be able to live his own life, get involved in a fucking relationship and shit but yet still keep her tucked into his side twenty four goddamn seven? That would be fucking impossible, not without robbing her of the chance to have her own damn life. That shit wouldn't be fair to her, and it sure as shit wouldn't be fair to Alice either.

_Fuck me...Can this shit get any more fucked up?..._

I snorted and rolled my eyes as I flipped my phone open and scrolled through my contact list to Bella's name.

"Hello?" her sweet voice answered on the third ring, and I went instant fucking dumbass, smiling like a retarded goon and shit.

"Hey baby girl, is Oma ready to let ya go yet?" I asked as I leaned against the brick wall at the end of the building.

"Umm...hold on, let me ask," she said and I chuckled. She was so fucking cute. I knew that Oma would pretty much let her come and go as she pleased, her asking permission was straight up adorable. She was laughing as she brought the phone back up to her ear.

"Oma said you can come, but you can't have me until we finish our card game from this morning."

"Card game? She's paying you to play cards with her? What kind of fucked up shit is that?" I chuckled.

"It was slow this morning so she was teaching me how to play Rummy...I suck at it," she laughed again and I heard Oma saying something to her in the background. "It is too true! You creamed me this morning! I had like seventy four to your five hundred!"

"So are you gonna come now?" she asked. "Come on...you can help me win a hand or two against the card shark."

"You got it sweet cheeks," I chuckled. "We'll cream her ass together. I'll be there within an hour."

"Yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you...oh crud...someone just came in. I gotta go," she said quickly and I laughed.

"Okay babe...I'll see ya soon," I replied, still grinning like a goddamn fool as I flipped my phone shut and headed back up toward the car.

I slid into the driver's seat of the car, right next to a sullen fucking prick. I rolled my eyes and started the car. I didn't give a shit what his problem was anymore. If he wasn't aware of what he was doing before, he sure as shit was now and it was his fucking choice whether he fixed it or not. Bella wasn't alone in the world with just him anymore. I knew it would hurt her if he kept up his bullshit and kept pushing her away, but fuck it all, I'd be there for her either way it played out.

On the way back to the motel I stopped at a fast food place and got dinner for both Ali and dickwad. It was pointless to get anything for myself when in all fucking likelihood, Oma would be shoving food in my direction anyway. Before I left the motel parking lot, Jasper and I switched our bags out for the decoy ones and locked the real ones in my trunk, effectively putting my ass on edge and turning me into one hell of a paranoid motherfucker as I drove to the diner. The sooner I could swap those fucking bags back out, the better. I purposely parked in a spot where I could keep my eye on the car from inside. Like I said - paranoid motherfucker.

I walked in just as Bella was rounding the counter, plates full of food balanced carefully on her forearm and hands as she made her way toward a booth where three people sat. I leaned against the front edge of the counter and watched as she smiled and made short small talk with them before asking them if they had everything they needed. The people at the table nodded and then engaged her in conversation again. She looked perfectly content and fucking confident...and it made me want to drive back to the motel and knock that stupid fucker right on his ass for trying to fill her with doubt.

"See something you like Edward?" Oma's voice cut through my silent watch, startling the shit out of me and causing my elbow to slide off the side of the counter. Seriously, where the fuck did she come from? Goddamn stealthy ass old lady.

"Jesus Oma...you scared the crap out of me," I chuckled as she laughed and I sat down on the stool right next to me. Again I turned my head toward the beautiful girl at the end of the row of booths who was laughing and nodding at something one of the customers said.

"She looks really happy," I murmured, a lazy ass grin making its way on my face.

"So do you," Oma countered and my grin grew even wider.

"I am," I nodded as I turned my gaze back to her. She appraised me with her good old fucking calculating stare for a moment and then nodded with a simple "Good." I swear I'll never fucking understand that woman.

"Your mother stopped in..."

"She's _not_ my mother Oma," I cut her off with a slight growl. She sighed unhappily and nodded.

"Esme then, came in yesterday. She gave this to me to give to you in case you stopped in," she said as she picked up an envelope from next to the register and slid it across the counter to me. "She asked how you both were doing."

"What did you tell her?" I asked curiously as I opened the envelope from the car insurance company. It was my new insurance card...good to know I still fucking had some.

"I told her that you were both doing fine and were staying with some friends," she replied as I tore out the new card and added it to my wallet.

"Tell the courier the package was received and much appreciated," I said as I slid the envelope back in her direction.

"Edward," she sighed and I shook my head.

"Oma, please. We've been through this before. Maybe one day I'll be able to look beyond everything that's happened in the past, but that day isn't today okay? Can we just not talk about this right now?" I pleaded.

Going head to head with Oma was _not_ the way I wanted to spend my time at the diner. The woman had the ability to put shit in my head that would linger for fucking days and drive my ass insane. It just simply wasn't something I wanted to fucking deal with at the moment.

"Alright, alright," she conceded, "Are you hungry?" she asked and I smiled gratefully as I nodded.

"Go sit at the front booth, I'll bring you out something to eat," she said as she patted my hand.

I went and sat at the booth, shoved my bag in the corner and ran my hands over my face, trying to dispel the sudden shift in my mood. Even without saying much of anything, Oma had gotten my mind racing through shit I'd rather not fucking think about at all. Thinking about how destroyed my family was always left me feeling all depressed and shit, and then I'd get fucking pissed off because feeling like that made me feel like a fucking weak ass pussy.

"Rough day?" a sweet voice asked as a glass slid across the table top. I pulled my hands away from my face as Bella sat down in the booth bench next to me and rested her head against her palm as she looked at me. I cracked a small smile and nodded at her, "Just a little."

"Did you eat yet?" I asked as I reached over to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear that had escaped her pony tail holder thing. Whatever those fucking things are called.

I swear girls have too many fucking accessories. How much shit do they need for their fucking hair? Barrettes, scrunchies, rubber band things, clips, bobby pins, fucking chop sticks. Who the fuck puts Chinese eating utensils in their fucking hair? Might as well shove some goddamn forks and spoons and shit in there as well. Hell I'd even seen girls at stores with like fucking pens and shit holding their hair up. Makes me want to hang one of those mini fucking staplers up there like a fucking office supply organizer and shit.

"Yeah," she said with a smile and a nod, "I ate dinner with Oma and Poppop a little while ago."

We sat and talked for a little while until she had to get up to check on the last two of her tables. Oma came out a short while later and set a plate of pot roast and mashed potatoes in front of me. I don't think the plate lasted five fucking minutes after my first bite. I shoveled that shit down like it was my last goddamn meal or some shit. When I was done, I took my plate back to the kitchen and washed it myself and refilled my soda before plopping my ass back down in the booth and shoving my bag back in the corner of the seat.

By the time the last table left, it was nearly seven and Oma decided to close up shop for the evening. I hopped up to help them clean up the kitchen and when we were done, the four of us slid back into the front booth. I couldn't even begin to say how fucking happy I was just sitting there with Oma, Poppop, and Bella. It reminded me of when I was younger and Ali and I would come to the diner for dinner when our parents were out for the night and we'd sit around playing cards after they closed up shop for the night.

It was fucking bittersweet to think back that far, back before Ali had gotten so totally fucking screwed up. My situation hadn't changed much between then and now, aside from my no longer living under their roof. Shit for me was just as fucked up back then as it was now, but it hadn't been for Ali. There was a point in time when I started to see her slipping away from who she really was, and I did everything I fucking could to stop it from happening. I'd seen it happen to people we went to school with, and I knew what was causing it. For a while, I'd force her to go with me to the diner on Friday and Saturday nights to play cards, hoping that by keeping her away from the weekend parties, I'd somehow save her from losing herself completely. It didn't fucking work.

She'd slipped away long before I bailed out, and only fell down even further after I was gone. I often wondered if I'd been able to be man enough to face my bullshit and deal with it instead of running, if she would have somehow found some stable ground to stand on and pull herself back. Numerous times I doubted it would have made a difference whether I stayed or left. Oma had always claimed that Alice "marched to the beat of her own drum" or some shit.

She'd always been a headstrong little shit, even when she was a little kid. She never followed trends or fads, or tried to change who she was to fit in with the people around her. That girl always stuck out like a sore fucking thumb, but somehow everyone around her fucking loved that about her. She was quirky and unique, able to shine in a fucking sea of dull droid-like people, all of them striving to be just like the shithead on their left so they blended in with the "in crowds". It was fucking bullshit, and it made me wonder why out of all the fucking trends she could have followed, she chose to get into the single file line behind her idiot friends and walk through the gates of the Universe of Fucking Stupid.

I shook my head to clear it as I heard Bella groan lightly next to me. I hadn't even realized that Oma had dealt out their first hand while I'd been lost in my fucking thoughts. Oma was already kicking her ass with trip Queens and tens laid down. I took a quick look at Bella's hand and fought off a smirk as I saw her holding double aces and a possible four card straight if she could just get an eight of spades. She drew from the stack and grinned when she saw the ace she'd received and laid the triplet down on the table before biting her lip. I whispered to her to discard the two of diamonds since it was useless.

We continued that way for the next hour or so, and with my guidance she was picking up the strategy rather well. I was pretty fucking certain she'd be handing Oma her ass on a silver platter in no time in this game. The scores were so fucking close that Oma kept shooting me narrowed glances that made us both laugh. I'd always been her biggest competition in Rummy, but I had a feeling I'd be dethroned in no time at all by the beauty beside me.

We were on our last hand of the night, both Oma and Bella were in a spot to possibly reach five hundred and Bella had two possible hands to play. She had drawn from the deck and picked up a five of diamonds. The matching four and three were in the discard line, but Oma had trip fives down on her side. She also had four cards in hand. If it was me, I would have held onto the five and discarded her nine of clubs and waited for the next hand to pull up the rest of the three card straight. But after a few moments of calculating, Bella laid down the five on her side, taking the five points and playing off Oma's trip fives, and flipped over her last card on the discard line, quickly claiming "I'm out."

"Farkel!" Oma groaned as she dropped her hand and I laughed. She was holding double kings, a jack, and a nine. Had Bella played it the way I would have, Oma would have been able to lay down trip kings and nines, and been able to go out on her jack with what had been left in the discard line.

"Ooh Addie...that thirty nine point loss did you in. They took this round with five oh seven to your four ninety three," Poppop laughed after he'd calculated the final score.

Bella squealed as she did a fucking hilarious little happy dance in the booth that caused all of us to laugh, even Oma laughed heartily at the sight of it.

"Good call baby girl," I chuckled as I winked at her and she flushed a light pink in the cheeks. Too fucking cute.

"I only won cause you helped me," she said shyly.

"No, that was all you hun. If I'd have helped you on that hand you would have lost," I laughed as I gathered up the cards on our side of the table.

"Really?" she asked and then bit her lip as I grinned and nodded.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked as she yawned while Oma and Poppop cleared the table out.

"Yeah...I just have to get my bag from the back," she nodded as she slid from the booth. Oma followed her back, leaving Johan and myself standing by the counter.

"She's a sweet girl Edward," Johan said as he gazed after her with a fond grin. I smiled like a stupid fool and nodded as I leaned against the counter.

"It's good to see some life in your eyes again. Hold onto her son, she's good for you," he said and patted my arm before strolling back toward the kitchen just as she came skipping out from the back.

If I hadn't been shocked enough by his words, watching him bend down to kiss her on the top of her head as she hugged him definitely did me in. I'd never seen her filled with so much fucking life and goddamn happiness before. It was fucking amazing.

I shook off my stupefied state as she approached me and led her out to the car. I chuckled and listened as she prattled on excitedly in the car about her first day, and how much she loved working with Oma and Poppop. I had to laugh when she started lamenting over Oma giving her fifty bucks for the day. She thought it was much too much until I pointed out that she'd been there for a little over twelve hours and if she broke that amount down into an hourly rate, it was only like four bucks an hour. That made her feel slightly better until I asked her how she did on tips. She'd made more in tips than Oma had given her, and then went back to feeling bad for taking money from them when she'd made plenty on tips alone. She really was too goddamn cute in her worries. Oma and Poppop weren't rich by any means, but they weren't poor either. I assured her that they wouldn't give her more than they could afford to and reminded her that she'd worked for it, it wasn't just handed to her.

Because she felt like celebrating, we stopped off at a DQ and picked up blizzards for everyone, which she insisted on paying for, and because I could deny her nothing when it made her that fucking happy, I let her pay for the fucking things. It was the least I could do considering the bullshit veil I was about to pull over her eyes in regards to the contents of the stupid bags Jasper and I were now both going to be toting around religiously.

As soon as we walked through the door, Alice started bouncing on the bed as she squealed, "How was your first day? Was it busy? Did you get some good tips?"

Bella's head tipped back as she laughed and dropped her bag on a chair. "It was great, and yeah I got some good tips. This one elderly couple left me...Jasper...what's with the bag?" she trailed off with a confused look.

"It's just a bag Bella," he shrugged and her eyes narrowed.

"But why are you wearing it when your sitting in bed? What's in the bag Jasper?" she asked suspiciously.

"Don't worry about it...it's just some shit we have to try and sell tomorrow for some money," he replied as he lifted himself off the bed and walked toward her. "Whatcha got there?"

"Nah ah...not til you tell me what's in the damn bag," she countered as she moved the tray of shakes behind her. I bit my cheek to keep from laughing as he rolled his eyes and tried to reach around her. She darted away from him and jumped up on the bed by Alice and handed her the tray.

"Jasper...I'm warning you," she said as she walked to the end of the mattress. "Tell me what's in the stupid bag."

"Bring your best cream puff...I'm not telling," he challenged as he crossed his arms over his chest. I laughed as she growled and he let out a quick "oh shit" before nearly toppling me over to get out the door as she launched herself off the bed. Ali and I quickly followed them out and leaned against the railing, watching her chase him down the steps and around the parking lot.

"You're an idiot Edward," Ali chided as we watched him dart around in circles, keeping the bag just out of her reach. "She's going to be hurt so much worse when she realizes that you both lied straight to her face about what it is you do for money."

"Alice, I'm a piece of shit no matter which way she finds out. It doesn't matter, at least this way I have a chance to get out before she's no more the wiser about any of it," I countered just as Bella made him stumble and she got a good grasp on the bag.

"Alright! Jesus!" Jasper laughed as he pulled an arm out of one of the straps and turned to face her, placing the bag between them as she unzipped it and started digging through it.

"Are you kidding me?!" she screeched. "_This_ is what's such a big damn secret?"

She stomped away from him and stalked her way up the steps and toward Ali and I.

"Is that what's in your bag too?" she asked incredulously. I shrugged and nodded as her eyes narrowed at me. "If that's all it is then what's with the obsessive hold on it?"

"Because the shit's not ours. If we lose it or it gets stolen, we have to pay for it," I said, fuck at least that part was true about what we actually carried around.

"Whose is it then?" she asked as Jasper came up the steps.

"Come on Bells...let's go inside and I'll explain the whole thing to you," he said as he hooked an arm around her shoulders.

Ali and I followed behind them and took our shakes from the tray before plopping down on one of the beds. Jasper explained the whole "process" to her of how we made money. The funny part was the basics of his explanation was completely true. It was exactly how we made our money, only with drugs instead of stolen goods.

She wasn't happy about it, but we both promised that it was only temporary until we could find something stable. Jasper even went as far as to explain to her that it was less risky than some of the things he'd done in the past to get money for them...which I knew was pure fucking bullshit. It was _exponentially _more fucking risky than anything he'd done in the past, and carried much more severe consequences if we went down for it.

If anything, at least my straight up blasphemous plan got them talking to each other again for the night. At bare minimum the situation had some fucking kind of upside. In the end though, nothing was going to make me any less of a piece of shit.

As I laid in bed that night, with Bella's arm across my chest where it had landed after her third fit of tossing and turning of the night, I thought through the last two years of my life. When I'd hit the streets and started selling drugs, I'd told myself that it was just until I could make enough money to get my shit together. That day never fucking came, and I began wondering if it ever fucking would.

I'd always been a fucking bullheaded dick. In hindsight I could see every fucking idiotic mistake I'd ever made. I should have stuck it out for another few months living under their roof, just enough time to get my ass into college. I'd been so hells bent on getting the fuck out of their house that I didn't even stop to fill out a single fucking college application senior year. I hadn't focused on a goddamn thing aside from counting down the days until I could bail the fuck out. That was the shittiest move I'd ever fucking made. Had I thought through it, I could have been in college now, making a decent life for myself and still not living under their roof. I could have separated myself from them and not have become the common criminal that I had.

Hindsight's a bitch, but at the same rate, I couldn't fucking bring myself to regret any of it. The warmth of the arm across my chest was a tangible reminder that while I'd royally screwed myself back then, I'd also brought myself down a path that led me to her, and that was something I could never regret. Not even if she came to fucking hate me if everything blew up in my face. She was and would always be the brightest fucking thing in my dark life.

I just hoped that one day I'd be spared enough fucking mercy to be able to tell her that.


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

BPOV

It has been an entire month since Jasper started carrying his very own black backpack complete with contraband hidden within_. _I can't believe all this time I hadn't put together that Edward's backpack would be related to his job. His obsessive hold on that bag was because it was filled with stolen goods they bought and resold to make a profit. God I still roll my eyes when I think about it all.

I still can't believe that was the _big secret _they'd felt the need to keep hidden from me for weeks. I never exactly expected that what they were doing to make money was legal. I may be naïve, but I'm certainly not stupid enough to assume with the way we lived and the hours they "worked" that it could have been anything but illegal. If that is all it was, stolen goods, why hadn't Jasper just been honest with me about what they were doing one of the many times I had asked rather than glaring at me and giving me the tight lipped brush off whenever I questioned him? I was sure Jasper probably even threatened Edward if he ever spoke of it with me.

_Damn overprotective ass…_

Keeping that information from me was yet again another example of the overbearing sheltering Jasper inflicted upon me, whether I needed it or not. I'm getting to the point where I'm not sure he actually trusts me anymore with the details of his life, if he even ever had to begin with. Sure, he had opened up about the bag and its contents, sitting down with me and explaining the process of what they did and answering any questions I had. But at the end of the day something wasn't adding up. I couldn't help but feel like his answers seem so rehearsed. He was still hiding something from me, I was sure if it.

Unfortunately that once impenetrable bond we shared prior meeting Edward and Alice was now in shambles. Back then I could have talked to Jasper about anything. There were no lies or secrecy between us, simply because I'd already known the truth behind how we got every meal or spare change. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that anything he managed to procure while he was out on his own was most likely stolen, or purchased with stolen money. When he'd return, we'd both ignore the obvious truth of how we survived, but now…_now_ it seemed he was purposely hiding things from me and it was only pushing me further away from him.

Avoidance had become the communication of choice for the two of us. We danced around one another whenever we found ourselves in the same room together, which surprisingly, was a lot less often than you'd think. Jasper was in and out a lot more than he used to be now that he had is own stash of stuff to sell. I'd resorted to staying late at the diner every night that I worked, enjoying my time with Oma and Poppop in an effort to get away from the stress and drama that surrounded the rest of my life.

There had been several times Edward hadn't been able to pick me up right away and arranged rides for me with Mandy. I spent a lot of evenings just hanging out with Mandy, drinking a beer or two at her apartment while waiting for Edward to be free to pick me up rather than going back to Alice and Jasper at wherever the latest party was located. The nights I did have to hang out with them I drank. I drank _a lot_. Even with the buzz of alcohol numbing my brain I couldn't enjoy being around the two of them, but it was the only thing that made it bearable on the nights Edward wasn't around save me from the awkwardness.

Things with Alice had been alright, not bad, but not the same they had been those first several days following our big fight. She still seemed…I don't know…I guess a little off some days. Irritable and sometimes maybe a bit depressed? Every time I questioned her about it she claimed it was just side effects of getting off the drugs or that it was pms. I'm not sure I really bought it, but being as she hadn't had another crazy freak out moment with me I couldn't really tell one way or another if she had started using again.

I didn't really know what sort of side effects an addict went through to know the stages of withdrawal or whatever she said it was, so I had to take her word for it. Her anger was really my only sure sign that she was on drugs and so far the only time I saw that side of her was during fights between her and Jasper. And I mean honestly, with the way Jasper had been acting lately, it didn't really surprise me that the two of them were having trouble in paradise. Besides, they were together nearly twenty-four seven. When you spend that much time with a person they are bound to get on your nerves so I couldn't really say that her anger was unwarranted. Still, I couldn't help but think Alice had been lying to me as well, yet I had no way to prove it.

My relationship with Jasper over the past month pretty much just sucked. It seemed like any time we did find ourselves stuck in a room together, we'd end up fighting. Well, not fighting exactly, but whenever we did speak with one another he always found a way to sneak in snide comments about my relationship with Edward or my job at the diner.

A week ago, he found out that I had a minor incident with a middle-aged gentleman when I had turned to leave his table after taking his order and he grasped the back of my arm right above the elbow to get my attention. It was nothing major, just a minor freak out. As soon as I whirled around to face him quickly pulling my arm out of his grasp I came back to my senses, knowing the man meant no harm. He just wanted to add a side of fries to his order. Unfortunately Jasper had overheard me telling Alice about the incident and insisted that I quit because it was adding too much stress to my life.

I laughed in his face when he said that.

My job at the diner was the only place I could go to get away from the drama and stress of my life. There, I was able to escape to a life of normalcy I had begun to dream of. I fantasized that Oma and Poppop were actually my grandparents, loving me as if I were their own because honestly that's the way they made me feel every time I was with them. And the nights Edward joined us after hours just playing card games or telling funny stories from his childhood made the fantasy complete. I could never imagine myself on the other side of this hellhole of a life without him, I just couldn't.

Edward had come to mean more to me than I ever thought possible. He was on my mind constantly. Every day spent with him, made me a feel little bit less alone. Even though he had a darkened soul, he was still the brightest thing in my world. Being with him was the only thing that made sense in our chaotic surroundings.

Some of my most favorite moments with him were when he would go on completely nonsensical rants about such meaningless topics because I could see the passion ignite from behind his eyes whenever he questioned mundane objects or activities. Like the other day when we were in Wal-mart and walked past the women's underwear section on our way to get me a new pack of socks. Of course we had to walk through an entire isle of women's underwear to get to the socks. After ten minutes of arguing with him about why so many different styles, colors, and designs were necessary I finally just yanked the panties out of his hands and proceeded to drag him out of the department.

You see, that's another thing about Edward I've just recently learned. Once he's gone off on a tangent there is no derailing his train of thought. The rest of the day he insisted on learning the pros and cons of each different fit of underwear I had ever worn. What he was hoping to learn at the end of the day I hadn't a clue. I think sometimes he just enjoyed talking to me as much as I did him, regardless of our topic choice. I had never overheard him ranting to anyone else about stuff like this like he did with me. So as embarrassing as it was to disclose my personal opinion on each type of underwear, I was more than happy to do so because it had more or less become our thing. Huge random drawn out conversations about complete and utter shit...and I loved every moment of it.

I couldn't wait until next week when we'd have enough money saved up for one of those extended stay hotels. The time we had together could actually be spent with the two of us enjoying each others company rather than having to deal with hanging out with the druggy party goers and kissing the ass of the owner of our latest place to crash. Edward always made a point to socialize with everyone wherever we stayed. I guess that's part of the reason we could always find a place to stay for the night. And don't get me wrong, I was grateful they supplied a place for us to stay, but that didn't mean I had to like it or them.

I looked forward to getting away from all of this, staying in the same place night after night. Actually being able to go to sleep when I felt like it and sleep through the night without being jolted awake countless times throughout the night by random ruckus.

Like right now for example - the guy in the sofa next to couch I'm laying on is snoring like a lawnmower, and the two guys plopped down in front of lawnmower man's sofa are shouting at the TV as if it had any control of their video game they were clearly sucking at. Currently it's three am and they are obviously wasted; common sense should tell them to go to bed and try playing it again in the morning, but these guys apparently lack such a skill.

So instead I find myself laying here on the couch tossing and turning, trying to drown out the sounds of lawnmower man and tweedle dee and tweedle dumb because I'm too much of a chicken shit ¾Edward's term, not mine ¾ to speak up and do anything about it.

I must have actually fallen asleep at some point because this time I was jolted awake by a terrible karaoke rendition _'Bohemian Rhapsody'. _I cringed, trying to burrow myself deeper into the couch cushion hoping it could supply some sort of a buffer to the atrocious noise assaulting my senses. Men's voices are simply not meant to go that high….especially_ that_ _guy's_ voice. Thank goodness someone stole the mic from him and turned on the radio.

After that I simply could not fall back asleep, no matter how exhausted I was feeling.

"Edward," I mumbled from behind him as I nudged his shoulder lightly. He cracked his eyes open and tilted his head toward me.

"What's up sweet cheeks? Can't sleep?" he asked quietly. I shook my head and scooted forward on the couch and pressed my forehead into his shoulder finding comfort in his warmth.

"It's too loud in here," I said softly as he turned slightly from his spot on the floor to run his hand over my hair.

"It should quiet down soon, honey. Just close your eyes," he told me and I nodded into his shoulder before pulling back and shifting around on the couch.

I tried to do as he asked but I just could _not_ find a comfortable position on this couch. No matter how many different ways I tried to lay I couldn't avoid the obnoxious spring that was stabbing me in the back. I was tired and uncomfortable and I knew if I didn't get some sleep soon there was no way I was going to make it through the whole day at work. The worst part was there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward suddenly asked, his voice directly behind me. I must have whimpered or something because he had gotten up from his spot and was now crouched in front of the couch leaning over to look at me, his gorgeous green eyes laced with concern.

"It's nothing really…I just can't get comfortable. There's a spring right in my back," I explained trying to smile despite the fact that I was close to tears. I know he hated it when I cried, which seemed to end up happening quite often at night, mostly on nights like these when I was beyond exhausted and unable to get even just a damn hour of straight sleep. He always looked so damn guilty even though none of this was really his fault.

"Sit up baby girl," he said running the back of his hand across my cheek. I sat up and scooted down to middle of the couch. He climbed in behind me, shoving his bag into the corner of the couch, before laying down on top of it. He then patted his chest, inviting me to lay back down on top of him. I curled up on top of him and pulled the blanket over us. He kissed the top of my head and began to run his fingers through my hair. I could feel the tension dissipating with each tender touch.

"Is this better?" he asked quietly whispering into my ear, his hot breath causing goose bumps to trickle down my spine. I tilted my head up to look at him and nodded before nuzzling the side of my face against his chest. I closed my eyes and inhaled, his scent completely relaxing me, surrounding me by all that was Edward.

I heard the steps of a several people making their way across the room and out the door, and one last set that I can only assume belonged to Garrett, the guy who's place we were staying at tonight. I heard him turning the lock before makings his way across the room to shut off the music and lights off before leaving the room. Edward grabbed his pillow off the floor and threw it over the face of lawnmower man, successfully muffling the obnoxious noise. With finally being cloaked in darkened near-silence, I sighed contentedly, snuggling my face into the crook of Edward's neck and fell asleep quickly.

I woke a couple hours later, hoping to grab a shower in the early morning before anyone else around here stirred. I still wasn't comfortable in the bathrooms of places I didn't know, but I wasn't about to admit that to anyone. Everyone tried to shelter me so much as it was, the last thing they needed was another reason to do so.

I tried to gently slide off of Edward without waking him. I glanced back at him to find his eyes closed but a slight smirk on his face. I wasn't entirely sure I hadn't woken him but being as his eyes were still closed, I didn't say anything. I tip toed around a few people who had passed out on the floor at some point last night and dug in my bag to grab some fresh clothes and my toiletries before heading to the bathroom, slowly closing the door behind me and quickly turning the lock.

Once inside I paused for a moment listening to see if my commotion had woken anyone else in the apartment. The only sound I could hear was that of lawnmower man happily snoring away from the living room. I quickly undressed and went about my morning routine as swiftly as possible.

Not even ten minutes later I was back in the front room putting my dirty clothes and toiletries back into my bag. I noticed Jasper and Alice had taken up camp on the couch opposite of Edward and myself. I couldn't help but scowl in their direction. Just earlier this evening they'd had some huge blow up of a fight, yet there they lay, arms and limbs tangled together. I didn't understand how no matter how often they fought they could always make up just as quickly.

Jasper and I had one argument over six weeks ago, and he still wasn't willing to put it behind us. Alice made dozens of excuses for him in the beginning, but that's exactly what they were...illegitimate excuses. I was fully aware of how sociable he was around everyone but me. Hell just looking at him from across the room I could see his jaw tighten and his eyes narrow whenever they landed on me before they quickly darted away. He couldn't even make eye contact with me from across the room let alone when we were within speaking distance. Whenever I did get close enough to talk to him I couldn't even ask him about his day before he rattled off some excuse to get away from me. I don't know if he thought I was judging him for his new job or if he was still upset about our fight, but he was obviously hiding from me. Alice promised me that she was doing her best to help him deal with it, whatever _it_ was, but so far I hadn't seen much progress.

"Are you coming back to sleep?" I heard Edward ask from behind me. My eyes shot to his, surprised that he was awake and a little embarrassed that he had caught me standing there staring daggers at Jasper and Alice. I looked at him, hesitating for a minute and fiddling with the hem of my tank top. I was feeling a bit awkward about returning to lay back down on top of him now that the sun had begun to rise. Or at least I was until Edward tossed the blanket aside and opened his arms for me.

_Like I could refuse such an offer. _

I slowly made my way over and climbed my way back on top of him. He quickly pulled the blanket back over us shivering a bit as he pulled me close. I rested my head against my hand so that my damp hair wouldn't soak his shirt or add to his chills.

"This isn't uncomfortable for you is it? I'm not squishing you or anything, am I?" I asked quietly causing him to chuckle.

"You barely weigh anything. I'm fine, don't worry about me. You're the one who has to be at work by ten so just try to get some more sleep," he replied as he wrapped his arms fully around my waist, clasping his hands together behind my back, holding me firmly against him. This was by far the most intimate embrace we had ever shared and I couldn't help but wonder if our relationship was slowly developing into something more. With his chest rising and falling at a slow even pace while his warm breath trailed down my neck I fell back asleep quickly.

We were woken again not even an hour later by the sound of his pager vibrating in his pocket. He groaned at the sound. I definitely did not want to move when he was holding me the way he was and making those kinds of sounds in my ear. He pulled back slightly leaning his head down to look at me, his eyes half laden and bloodshot from lack of sleep. The redness in his eyes merely emphasized the color of the piercing green orbs gazing down upon me. Looking up at him I wanted nothing more than to kiss him. His face moved slowly towards mine, his eyes darting from my eyes to my lips and back again.

I closed my eyes waiting, anticipating. I felt his nose brush against mine, his hot breath directly over my mouth…

"Awww...isn't that cute! Eddie-boy's finally tappin' that ass," a voice crooned from across the room.

_No…no, No, NO!…_

I was turned with my back to the voice so I couldn't tell who it was, but could see Edward's face as his eyes shot open at narrowed in the direction of whomever it was.

"Shut the fuck up, _asshole_. She just couldn't sleep," he growled. I quickly turned my head, burying my face against the couch cushion beside me feeling completely embarrassed and a little more than irritated at the ill timed interruption.

The voice chuckled and a second feminine voice joined in his laughter as they made their way across the room and out the door.

Edward's arms released me, his hands moving to a more 'appropriate' position on my waist as he cleared his throat before speaking. "We probably should get up. I need to grab a shower before I drop you off at Oma's," he said giving my hips a quick squeeze before he moved me off of his lap and set me down on the couch beside him.

I sat there, staring at the carpet beneath my feet, wringing my hands together in my lap, desperately wondering what he was thinking and feeling. I glanced over at him to find him studying me with a blank expression though his eyes softened a bit when they met mine. He leaned closer and his hand moved slowly towards my face He pulled my bottom lip out from beneath my teeth ,his hand lingering for a moment near my face before he sighed loudly and dropped his hand.

He turned away from me to grab his bag that was still smashed into the corner of the couch and then made his way across the room towards the bathroom. I was still staring at my feet feeling even more like a complete and utter fool. He was probably half asleep when he nearly kissed me and obviously regretted almost doing so.

"Hey Bella," he called from across the room. My eyes lifted to find him leaning against the doorframe looking back at me. I raised my brow in question not trusting my voice to not crack. "Happy Birthday," he said with his trademark crooked smile before disappearing into the bathroom.

_Yeah, right…Happy fuckin birthday to me._

I sighed heavily, throwing an arm across my eyes as I flopped back down onto the couch willing myself not to cry. I should have known the moment I woke up that nothing good could possibly come from this day. My birthday has been cursed for five years now. The only memory this day would ever hold for me is remembering that it's the day I lost my mother. The day my world fell apart.

I must have been lost in my head reliving the events of that fateful day because before I knew it Edward was back in the room squatting down beside me freshly showered. One of his hands gently grasped my wrist pulling my arms down from across my face revealing my tear streaked face. The happy expression on his face immediately fell into one of pain and concern as his other hand quickly moved to cup my cheek his thumb wiping away my tears. I tried to move to get up, wanting to avoid this discussion at all costs, but he held firm desperately asking me with his eyes what was the matter.

I closed my eyes, unable to look into his when I uttered the words, "My mom." I laid there with my eyes closed, deeply breathing in and out as I gathered myself back together. I had to leave for work soon. I couldn't afford to fall apart like this. When I opened my eyes I expected to be met with Edwards face full of pity, but instead he looked on with understanding, this time letting me up when I tried to move.

I went to the bathroom to splash water on my face and clean myself up. When I returned to the living room Edward was standing by the door, his bag slung over his shoulder, waiting for me. He opened the door and silently waved his hand for me to proceed. Once I was beside him I felt him sling his arm around my shoulder, pulling me against his side as he leaned down to lay a quick kiss on my temple before silently leading us towards the car.

The fact that he just knew I didn't want to talk about it without me having to tell him so, just made me feel a little bit closer to him. I forget sometimes that as different as we are from one another that we are also alike in a lot of ways as well. Jasper always made this day so much harder for me, always wanting to talk about my feelings, as if that would somehow make it any easier for me. He could never just let me be to deal with it in my own way. Edward offered me more support by silently sitting beside me and holding my hand than Jasper's talks ever had. By the time we reached the diner I was able to clear my head enough to give Edward a sincere smile and a quick kiss on the cheek in thanks before running inside the diner.

When I entered the diner, Oma and Poppop were both out front to greet me with hugs as usual, though something seemed a bit off…like they were looking a bit too closely at me. I smiled and returned their embrace despite their strange glances and moved behind the counter to grab my apron.

And that's when I saw it.

Inside the desert display was something that look exactly like a birthday cake. I knew exactly what is was and who it was intended for because cake was something the diner normally never offers as most customers prefer a slice of pie or cheesecake for desert. I looked up to catch a panicked glance between Oma and Poppop. Obviously they knew today was my birthday and were now pretending otherwise.

"I was just…trying a new recipe," she explained with a smile, but when she noticed my skeptical stare it quickly fell. "I'm just going to help Johan in the back with the lunch prep," she said hurriedly, grabbing Poppop by the arm and dragging him through the swinging door to escape.

I couldn't help but crack a smile at her attempts to cover her tracks. Honestly their acknowledgement of my birthday didn't bother me nearly as much as I'd expected. In fact, for the first time in a long time I felt like I had a family to celebrate it with. I know ultimately that's what my mom would have wanted. She always made such a huge deal about my birthday. And I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather share this day with than Oma, Poppop, and Edward.

I knew exactly why Oma had felt the need to hide the fact that she had made me a birthday cake. I pulled out my phone and quickly wrote a text to Edward.

**I appreciate what u did but it wasnt necessary -B**

I continued prepping the front of the diner for the lunch crowd, swapping out the breakfast condiments and refilling the salt n pepper shakers. A few minutes later my phone chirped alerting me of another incoming message.

**Was just trying to help. Let me know if theres anything u need. Im here for you, always -E**

God it's so hard to not assume there's something more than just friendship going on between us when I have him writing things like that to me, and remembering the way he held me this morning. It sure as hell felt like it was becoming something more than just friendship…to me anyways.

**Only thing I need is u here at the diner at 8. Be ready for cake -B**

Seconds later I had my response.

**You got it birthday girl -E**

I smiled closing my phone and placing it back in my pocket. I finished up my work in the front and Oma still hadn't returned from the back. Normally she was up here chatting my ear off the entire time. Not wanting to miss another second of quality time with Oma, I traipsed into the back of the diner, immediately making my way over to Oma and pulling her into a tight hug.

"Thank you for the birthday cake. It means a lot," I said reaching to pull Poppop into my embrace as well.

"I'm so sorry child. I was just trying to make the day special. I didn't…I didn't know that…" she trailed off afraid to say exactly what the reason was as to why I'd avoid celebrating my birthday.

"It's okay. It's time I started to celebrate all the things I do have, rather than mourning what I've lost. And that starts with having a slice of birthday cake tonight with my two favorite pseudo grandparents." I explained, smiling through my tear filled eyes. "It's what my mom would have wanted."

"Of course dear. Anything you want," she replied pulling me in for another hug. "I'm just glad you're letting us share this day with you."

The chimes of the diner altered us to the arrival of a customer. I quickly pulled away and turned toward the door, but Oma grabbed my arm to stop me.

"Let me take care of this one sweetheart. You go ahead and get yourself cleaned up," she said patting my cheek affectionately.

"Thanks Oma," I replied relieved that I'd have a few moments to myself before returning to work.

The lunch hour passed by quickly. I was relieved to have a constant rotation of tables because it kept me busy pretty much constantly for several hours, leaving little time to dwell on thoughts of my mother.

It was now about three o'clock, and the diner was completely empty of customers. I had caught up with all of my table bussing and was currently sitting in one of the side booths folding silverware into napkins, preparing for the dinner crowd. I heard the bell chime and turned around to see a middle aged woman enter through the door, walking directly towards Oma who was currently at the front register.

As soon as Oma noticed the woman her eyes widened as her face broke out in a huge grin. She quickly dropped what she was doing and made her way around the counter, pulling the woman into a tight embrace. The woman returned the hug with the same enthusiasm.

Over the past month I had met nearly all of Oma and Poppop's regulars so I wondered who this woman could possibly be. She was probably five foot six, only an inch or two taller than myself. She was well put together and had the most amazing shoulder length caramel hair. It appeared that she had naturally darker hair, brown in color but highlights throughout leaving her hair with the appearance of having much lighter hair. It was such a unique color.

"Esme darling. How are you doing?" Oma asked smiling brightly at the woman.

"Edward," I breathed realizing immediately that this was the Esme Edward had told me of. This was Edward and Alice's mom...well Edward's kinda mom.

I mean they always mentioned that their family used to be regulars at the diner on Sunday's throughout their childhood. I remember Alice specifically saying she wasn't sure if her parents still came to the diner, but avoided coming here on Sunday's just in case. I never actually thought I would cross paths with their parents when working at the diner being as I only worked during the week. I shook my head, listening in once again on their conversation.

"How are Edward and Alice? Have you seen them lately, are they still coming by occasionally?" Esme asked, her voice laced with emotion.

Oma's eyes flashed to mine before she answered. I panicked, worried momentarily that Oma was going to use me to reconnect Esme with her children. After the stories I'd been told, I wasn't entirely sure this woman deserved to find either of them.

"The children are both doing well. I've actually been seeing Edward at the diner a lot more often as of late," she said, her eyes flicking to mine then back to Esme. "He looks good, really good. Better than I've seen him in a long time."

I was worried if she kept up with her not so discrete glances towards me that Esme would pick up on something. But it appeared she was completely oblivious because instead of turning around to look at me, Esme's head dropped and her shoulders begin to shake. Oma pulled her in for another hug before leading her trembling frame over to the booth directly beside me to set her down. Oma scurried behind the counter to retrieve a box of Kleenex before joining Esme in the booth. I've gotta hand it to Oma, she certainly knew what she was doing bringing Esme closer towards me, making sure I could overhear every word she spoke.

"I'm so sorry Addie. I didn't mean fall apart on you. It's just so wonderful to finally hear good news about the children from you," she sniffled grabbing another Kleenex from the box to dab at her eyes.

"Oh Esme, there's nothing to apologize for. I know how much those kids mean to you," Oma replied reaching across the table to pat her hand.

Esme's face soon fell into one of tortured pain at Oma's words. "I've been so worried about them ever since Edward came by the house a couple months back. I thought for sure the next news I would hear of them would come from the county coroner," she admitted as the tears continued to stream down her face despite her best efforts at wiping them away.

"Oh Esme dear, you can't torture yourself by thinking things like that," Oma responded immediately, moving from her spot in the booth to sit beside Esme, offering her a shoulder to lean on. "Never _ever_ give up hope. Those children will find their way back to you, I'm sure of it."

"How can you be so sure. My son has been gone for over two years now, and the only time I've seen him since the day he left is when he showed up on my doorstep asking for our help for his sister, my little girl. I could have killed Carlisle for having run them off that day," she said gritting her teeth in an moment brief fury before falling back into her expression of pain and torment.

Thank goodness the woman was to lost in her own world because there is no way I could tear my eyes away from her. She had one of those disconnected looks on her face and at that moment, with that heartbreaking expression, she reminded me so much of Alice. And it certainly didn't escape my notice that Esme had just referred to Edward as her son.

She took a few deep breaths before continuing, "I would ask about the children every Sunday if I could, but I couldn't bear to add any more strain on my relationship with Carlisle by bringing them up every time we came here. Our marriage is falling apart because Carlisle insists letting them go was the right decision. He tells me from the medical perspective that 'they must seek out help for themselves' and that if we were to force them, it would only backfire," she said shaking her head in disgust before a fresh set of tears began to fill her eyes.

"These are _my children_. How long am I supposed to stand on the wayside? What if they never come back to me?" she asked her voice trailing off.

"No Esme. I refuse to let you think such things. You must hold out a bit longer, there's still hope I just know it," Oma said this looking directly at me as Esme stared down at the table in front of her.

"I know I don't normally ask for details because I'd hate for you to feel as if you'd betrayed their trust in some way, but can you tell me how it is that you are so certain that they are really doing better?" she asked as her eyes lifted up to meet Oma's. The poor woman was nearly begging for a single shred of assurance that her children would be okay. I didn't blame Oma one bit for answering her plea.

"For months they had been coming into the diner with these false looks of content, acting nearly robotic with their mannerisms and dialogue, putting on a front as if they were actually okay. I could always see right through them the moment their eyes met mine. There was no hiding the pain and sadness that has haunted those poor children. Of course I never led on to this fact, letting them believe they had fooled me," she explained with a sly smile. This didn't surprise me. I'd known since the day I'd met her that Oma saw more than the average person.

"Recently I have seen a change in them. I've seen genuine smiles out of each of them, actual laughter if you can believe it. Something good has come into their lives and changed them for the better," she said her eyes again falling on my own. I knew she was referring to me and the lunch where we had all first met Oma. "They are healing Esme and I'm confident that with a bit more time they will find their way home to you."

Esme seemed infinitely reassured by Oma's words as she whispered her thanks before sitting in quiet contemplation for the next few moments.

"I just wish there was more I could do for them in the mean time. Edward did accept the insurance didn't he?" Oma smiled and nodded in answer. "Thank god he was at least willing to accept that much. I hate to think of him out on the streets, being caught without insurance, and god forbid they were to take away his car. I would try to do so much more but I know Carlisle wouldn't allow it. And even if he did, Edward would never accept it. He's grown into such a strong man, just like his father," she smiled wistfully through her tears.

Suddenly the chimes on the front door of the diner rung out, causing me to jump and consequently drop the drop the silverware I had been holding. They landed back on the table onto the silverware tray resounding in a series of loud clinks. I felt my cheeks turning warm as I quickly righted them back into their proper place in the tray. When I turned to climb out of the booth I was met with both Oma's and Esme's eyes upon me. I mumbled an apology and did my best to ignore them as I scrambled out of my seat to make my way to the customers at the door.

I was relieved to be met by four of Oma's regulars, a group of women that Oma played bingo with on Sunday evenings. They were always very chatty and would certainly keep me busy for the next hour so thankfully I wouldn't have to return to my table to continue folding silverware. Now that Esme was consciously aware of my presence I don't think I'd feel very comfortable going near them again.

"Bella!" they called out in unison as I approached them.

"Well hello ladies. Stopping by for the afternoon treat of coffee and pie?" I greeted with a wide smile before leading them to their usual table.

As I ran about the diner pouring their coffee and then delivering their deserts, I popped my head in the back to inform Poppop that the bingo ladies had come by for a visit. When I returned out front I was just in time to hear the bells chime and see Esme's form disappear out the front door of diner.

I was relieved to see her go although I wasn't sure it was so much because I was still worried of being outed as a link to Edward but more so because I couldn't bear to witness any more of her heartbreak.

Honestly the entire ordeal shocked the hell out of me. Before I had thought of Esme how Edward had viewed her. As a woman who lied to her 'son' for nearly half of his life leaving him lost and heartbroken as a result. But I could clearly see now that Esme thought of and loved Edward as her own and was just as affected, if not more. I still didn't understand her decision to stand beside Carlisle and let him throw Alice out of the house. But it was obvious that she loved Alice very much as well. Esme was basically mourning the loss of both of her children, though they were both alive and well…at least in the general sense of the term.

The only thing about the entire exchange that discouraged me from telling Edward and Alice about it, and attempting to reconnect them, was Esme's words about Carlisle. He sounded just as stubborn, pig-headed, and set in his ways as Edward is, and I couldn't bear the thought of poor Esme having her children returned to her only to have them kicked out or run off once again. I think the best choice is to just keep this to myself for the time being.

By the time the Bingo ladies were finished with their coffee and chatter, the dinner rush was upon us. Before I knew it, it was nearly eight o'clock and I was finishing up bussing tables and closing down shop for the night. Oma was in the back helping Poppop with the dishes when I heard the front door chime.

As soon as Edward walked through that door and my eyes locked with his I dropped the rag I was holding and ran over to the door to greet him. I threw myself into his arms, a far cry from our usual greeting, though he caught me in stride, swaying me from side to side before setting me back down on my feet. He looked down at me questioningly. I guess he was a bit surprised to receive such a greeting considering my mood when he had dropped me off to work earlier in the day. I realized that I hadn't texted him since this morning, and he probably took my distance as a still somber mood. We typically never went much more than an hour without some sort of communication.

"Sorry, it's been hell of a day. I didn't mean to forget about you," I said smiling up at him. He searched my eyes for any sign of distress before returning my smile.

"Don't worry about it baby girl. I'm just glad everything's alright," he said giving me a kiss on the forehead before letting me go to move further into the diner to greet Oma and Poppop I'm sure. I stayed in place looking out the glass doors into the dark, searching for Alice and Jasper though I didn't find them.

"Hey," I called to him. "Where are Jasper and Alice? Don't tell me the two of them are around the side of the building making out like a couple of school kids," I asked with snicker. Sad thing is that is something I wouldn't put past the two of them.

"Oh umm…" Edward began, his had reaching behind to scratch his neck. I had come to read Edward's mannerisms quiet easily over the past few months. Alright so I might study him a bit more than is socially acceptable, but I knew him well enough to know that this was not a good sign. He was uncomfortable.

"I couldn't find them. I tried both their cells several times and haven't heard back from either fuckin' one of 'em," he rambled off quickly, avoiding my gaze the entire time. When his eyes finally did meet mine his face fell.

"Jasper's probably caught up on the job or something. I'm sure he'll call me back any minute," he explained trying to make excuses for Jasper, yet again.

"And Alice?" I asked my voice tense and emotionless, just like me.

"Who the fuck knows. She probably misplaced her phone when she got drunk last night. You know that shit happens to her all the fuckin time."

"Hmm…" I nodded, swallowing tightly before turning away from him feeling the prickle of tears behind my eyes.

I flipped open my phone, my fingers moving to dial Jasper's number. He was probably just ignoring Edward's calls. No matter how screwed up shit was between us there is no way Jasper would forget this day. Renee was just as much his mother as she was my own. He would not forget.

The phone rang out for several moments before connecting to his voicemail. I hung up my phone and dialed again. Same result. I tried Alice's line to no avail. My hands were shaking at this point and I couldn't even press the buttons to scroll back to Jasper's number.

From behind me Edward's hand came around to cover my own. Slowly he pulled the phone out of my grasp and flipped it shut while his other arm snaked around my waist pulling me against his chest. I released a breath I didn't know I had been holding before falling limp against him

"Oh no you don't. You're not going to fall apart on me now Bella. Fuck em. Fuck em both," he said quietly into my ear, encouraging me to keep it together. He pulled away slightly to turn me around in his arms. He kept one arm firmly around my waist while moving the other to my chin, tilting my face up towards his own.

"You and me," he said his eyes moving back and forth between my own. "That's all the fuckin matters tonight, alright baby girl?" I nodded taking a long breath. Being with Edward always made things so much easier to bear.

"Now, Oma tells me she made you a fuckin delicious birthday cake. So we're gonna go join them and have a good fuckin' time, you got that?" he asked before leading me over to our usual table. I sat down first scooting in down the booth before he plopped down beside me his arm resting on the booth back behind me.

A few moments later Oma and Poppop emerged from the back carrying several small plates and forks. Poppop brought the plates over and set the down on the table before sitting down to join us. Moments later Oma followed carrying the cake I had seen earlier in the pastry case.

She set the birthday cake down on the table in front of me before pulling out a single candle and placing it in the center of the cake. Poppop struck a match and lit the candle. As if I wasn't embarrassed enough by the whole ordeal they broke out in a terribly off key but very enthusiastic rendition of the 'Happy Birthday' song. Meanwhile Edward sat beside me chucking away, trying to hide his amusement behind his hand. I'm willing to bet that he had never sat by and let them sing to him on his birthday. I quickly blew out the candle, though I didn't need to make a birthday wish. Sharing this moment with the three people that surrounded me was more than I'd ever hoped for in the last five years.

Oma began to plate pieces of the cake, even adding a hearty scoop of vanilla ice cream to the dishes. She slid a plate to both Edward and myself telling us to dig in before moving behind the counter to wrap the cake up. Poppop grabbed the gallon of ice cream and went into the back to return it to the freezer.

I glanced over at Edward and found him staring at the cake in front of him, his brow furrowed with a hit of a scowl upon his face. I elbowed him wondering what on earth that face was for.

"There's something wrong with the fucking cake," he muttered, still staring at his plate.

"Edward, there's nothing wrong with the cake," I giggled picking up my fork. "It's spice cake. I've had it before…well a long time ago," I explained just as Oma and Poppop were returning to the table.

"You two didn't have to wait for us," Oma scolded, noticing neither of us had yet to take a bite of our cake. "Go ahead, dig in." she suggested while slipping back into her seat across from me.

I was the first to take a bite. I nearly choked in surprise at the taste, quickly swallowing the cake and grabbing the glass of milk off the table to wash down the flavor.

Edward had been right. Something was _not right _about that cake. The taste was off…_way off. _Every time my mom had made one it was either apple or pumpkin. I wasn't sure what _this _one was.

I glanced over at Edward and found him struggling to swallow the cake just as I had been, though he seemed to be having a harder time stomaching the taste that I had. It was a good thing that Oma's attention was on her own plate at that moment because the look of disgust across his face was blatantly obvious. I nearly snorted when Edward grabbed his napkin off of the table and spit the cake out into it. Like I had done he quickly grabbed his glass of milk off of the table, drinking nearly half the glass in one gulp.

I nudged Edward asking him with my eyes to lean closer to me. "I think you were right about the cake. It tastes funny," I whispered quietly in his ear.

"It tastes like fucking _oranges_. I fucking _hate_ oranges," he whispered back, his body letting out an involuntary shudder upon remembering the taste no doubt. I nodded trying my best not to scowl at my plate. Now that he mentioned the taste I could see a hint of orange color to the cake itself.

_Orange spice cake?…Did Oma come up with that herself?…_

"So what do you two think of the cake?" Oma asked sweetly, completely oblivious to scene that had just unfolded.

"Oh it's wonderful Oma," I replied with a smile, forcing myself to take another bite. She had gone through all this trouble to make me a birthday cake. The least I could do for her is eat a piece, no matter how bizarre or disgusting the taste might be.

"It's delicious," Edward respond with smirk, though unlike me he chose to pick up his glass of milk rather than take another bite of the cake. Finishing the remainder of the glass he set it back down on the table with more force then necessary in an effort to draw attention to his empty glass.

"Edward, would you like me to get you another glass of milk?" Oma asked immediately.

"Oh no Oma, you've done too much already. I know where the milk is. I can get my own glass," Edward responded with his trademark crooked smile as he slipped out of the booth and moved towards the counter. He took his plate with him, shoveling bites into his mouth as he went, acting as if the cake was too good to put down for even a second.

I've got to had it to Edward, he was pretty slick. Had I not seen the look on his face when he took that first bite I would have sworn he loved Oma's cake. Although he was making a big show of enjoying the cake, I knew it was really the vanilla ice cream that he was consuming so eagerly.

Once he was behind the counter and out of sight he make quick work of his piece of cake by dumping it into the trash. _Damn I wish I woulda thought of that…_

He poured himself another glass of milk before returning back to our table. He sat back down beside me just as I was choking down my last bite of cake. My glass of milk was long gone so as much as I wanted to glare daggers at him for the little stunt he just pulled, I was just grateful that Edward had thought to return with a second glass of milk for me. Snatching it from his hands I gulped down the entire glass wishing it could was down the rancid aftertaste of the strangest cake I had ever tasted in my life.

What happened to plain old vanilla birthday cake? Or German chocolate? Oma and Poppop are German after all. Anything would have been better than _orange _flavored spice cake.

We spent the next hour or so reminiscing of stories of birthdays past. I even told a few about my mom and her crazy antics she would pull each year like waking me up every year with single cupcake for my birthday breakfast. We would split it, just the two of us sitting on my bed. It was our own little secret way to start the day. It was nice to share a small piece of my mother with my new family.

"Would either of you care for another piece?" Oma asked still picking at the crumbs on her plate.

"Oh no Oma. I couldn't possibly eat another bite tonight. Thanks though," I responded quickly, my eyes widening at the thought. There is no way I could even think of having to stomach another bite of that stuff.

"What about you Edward? You sure did scarf down that first piece pretty fast. Care for another?"

"There's no way I could eat another bite of that cake," Edward said with a sly smirk on his face as he as leaned back to pat his stomach dramatically.

I had to fake a cough to cover the giggle that slipped out of me.

"Okay," Oma smiled at us as she stood up from the table. "I'll just cut up the rest of it so you can take some home with you," she said as she and Poppop cleared our plates from the table.

As soon as Oma and Poppop were out of ear short I fell against Edward snickering. "That was quite the little show you put on," I said relieved to no longer have to contain my laughter. "You sure did eat that _cake_ rather quickly didn't you."

"God, I nearly gave myself fucking brain freeze shoveling that ice cream into my mouth too," he replied shaking his head in amusement.

"I'd take brain freeze any day over having to eat another bite of that shit." I admitted, still jealous that I hadn't thought of an idea like that to get out of eating my piece.

"Bella Swan. Did you just refer to Oma's birthday cake as _shit_?" he asked, his eyes widening in mock horror as I burst out laughing with him chuckling right along beside me.

When I recovered from my giggle fit I looked up to see Oma and Poppop arm in arm behind the counter of the diner just watching Edward and I interact. She was always giving us peculiar glances or these freaky all-knowing smiles whenever she saw the two of us together.

When Edward mentioned we should probably get going I eagerly agreed, more than ready to get out from under her watchful eye. Both Oma and Poppop gave me one last hug, yet again wishing me happy birthday before saddling me down with two containers of birthday cake before I could escaped out the door. The fact that they made sure to send the entire cake home made me wonder if we had fooled them that much into thinking we loved the cake, or if they really were just as disgusted by the cake as we were and sent it away with us to get rid of it.

Edward and I spent the rest of the ride back to Garrett's place in our usual banter of completely inconsequential topics. The topic of choice for the evening? Oranges of course. It seems that Edward not only had something against orange juice, but also apparently disliked oranges themselves as well as all orange flavored things. Normally I would have to disagree with him, though after that cake I think it will be a while until I have a taste for anything orange.

To make up for the horrendous birthday cake, Edward stopped by a gas station on the way home, presenting me with a pack of hostess cupcakes for us to split. As silly as it may seem, his gesture meant the world to me, and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face as I ate my cupcake.

When we walked in the door of the apartment, my spirits were high. I was truly enjoying my birthday and that was all thanks to Edward, Oma, and Poppop. So when I saw Jasper lounging on the couch with Alice on his lap, I refused to let it get bother me. Edward, on the other hand, wanted to make it clear to Jasper as soon as he entered the room that he had fucked up. He stood beside me glaring at Jasper, his arms folded tightly across his chest.

"What Edward?" Jasper sighed rolling his eyes. "What's you're fuckin problem tonight?"

Completely ignoring his question Edward answered, "I had a great fucking night with Bella celebrating her _birthday _at Oma's. How was _your_ night?" he sneered.

Jasper eyes widened in surprise. "Aww fuck. Bella I'm …"

"Save it Jasper," I said cutting him off. "I don't even want to hear the excuse cause it'll only kill my good mood. Come on Edward, let's go grab a beer," I said grabbing his hand to lead him into the kitchen.

"Here you go fuckwad," Edward said dropping the containers of Oma's cake into his lap before following me out of the room.

"Enjoy the fucking birthday cake."


	16. Chapter 15

**A/N:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

EPOV

This shit couldn't _possibly_ get any more fucked up than it was. Jasper and Bella's relationship was hanging on by a fucking thread…barely. _Nothing_ I'd said to that fucker got through that dense skull of his. _Schmuck_.

I'd figured he'd at least let up on his douchebaggery a _little _on her fucking birthday of all days, but no, he didn't. That dumb shit forgot about it completely…even though I'd left over twenty fucking voicemails on his phone reminding him of it. _Asswad_. Jesus Christ that fucker pisses me off something fierce.

The one fucking day he could have put all his bullshit aside and shown her that she still meant the world to him, and he goes and fucking acts like it's just another goddamn day of the week. _Prick_. The look on her face when I said I couldn't find them, broke my blackened worthless fucking heart. I'd never seen her look so goddamn crestfallen before…okay well that's bullshit, I had. Earlier that very morning actually…right after I'd nearly kissed her. Yeah…my forehead took a nice fucking beating against the shower wall for that one. Still, even though I'd been just as big of a douche and made her look like that, it didn't stop me from wanting to pound that stupid fucker's face in.

Shit, I'm still not sure whether I want to thank that stupid shit Alec for fucking up the moment, or hunt him down and beat the shit out of him. It was _right fucking there_, the goddamn moment I'd been waiting for, and then it was just fucking gone. Had I not still been groggy and half fucking asleep…I probably would have thought better of my actions. Fuck that, I _knew _I would have thought better of that shit.

She deserves so much fucking better than anything I can offer her right now. At the very least she deserves someone who doesn't have to fucking lie to her every goddamn day of their life, and until I can fix that shit, I have no business starting something with her. But I want to, God help me, I fucking want to so goddamn bad. She's just fucking perfect and it drives me fucking insane trying to keep my shit to myself.

Don't get me fucking wrong here, I know she's not literally _"perfect"_ or some shit, because fucking hell, no one is. I don't give a shit who you are, there's always _something_ fucking wrong with you. Hell, she's got boney ass fucking knees and elbows, lacks a lot of the curves I'm so fucking used to, has insecurities from here to Timbuk-fucking-tu, and she can get pissy at the drop of a fucking dime…but that's my girl.

That's right fuckers…_my girl. _

I don't give a shit if she isn't mine at the moment, she will be. I'll make damn sure it's the first fucking thing I do when I straighten my shit out. It's goddamn inevitable because she and I are like two fucking peas in a pod, she gets me like _no one _fucking does. We're like two fucked up pieces of Picasso type art shit that when put together flow like goddamn beautiful Mozart.

_Fuck me I need sleep…I'm fucking turning discombobulated paintings into music in my fucking head…_

"Eeedwarrd! Are *hiccup* you even lis..listening *hiccup* to me?" Bella slurred drunkenly. We'd locked ourselves away in Garrett's "office". Fucking hell…office my ass. It's a room the size of a goddamn closet with an ancient fucking computer in it that sounds like it's about to fucking explode every time the CPU fan turns on. Either that or take the fuck off like a goddamn space shuttle or some shit.

"I'm listening love…I swear," I replied drowsily, not bothering to remove my arm from blocking out the harsh glaring light from the ceiling fan.

Fuck, I was goddamn exhausted. I'd barely slept at all the night before between the goddamn noise and then having her laying on top of me. That shit was too goddamn good to sleep through entirely.

The air between us was silent for a series of moments, the only sound crossing the small distance between us on the ratty ass futon being her occasional hiccups. I pulled my arm off my eyes and looked over at her to see a strange look on her face.

"What's wrong?" I asked, unsure of why she had that strange look on her face or why she'd gotten so quiet all of a sudden.

"I forgot *hiccup* what I was s..saying," she slurred again and then burst out laughing.

I sat up and pulled the nearly empty can of beer from her hand and set it down on the short gray file cabinet that Garrett had fished out of the trash next to some office building a few months back. Welcome to interior design on a budget of "_I'm broke as fuck_" people. Most of the places we frequented were furnished by curbside items that were headed for the local dump. One man's trash is another man's treasure and all that stupid horseshit.

"I think it's time to give the drinking a rest for the night before you make yourself sick baby girl." I forced a chuckle out as I settled myself back in on my side of the futon and motioned for her to lay with me. She promptly scrambled over, swaying and wobbling with each movement until she was nestled in between the back of the futon and my chest, using my arm as a pillow.

The night we'd drank at the park, her drunkenness had been amusing, but it wasn't amusing anymore. She'd been drinking way too fucking much recently, often to the point where I'd end up spending the better part of the night ignoring my pager and cell phone while holding her hair back as she fucking heaved over the goddamn porcelain bowl and shit. Worse than that was that she usually ended up like that after a confrontation with King Shithead when I wasn't around and I'd get stuck with the aftermath of it upon my return.

Bella drunk and puking was a nasty fucking sight, but Bella drunk, puking, and crying hysterically at the same time was a goddamn fucking _disaster_.

And yet, somehow, my longing for her never wavered through all the fucking snotty faces and puke breath. That's fucking love right there, I don't give a shit who you are. You _have _to fucking love someone hardcore to stomach that shit and still want to just wrap your arms around them and never let 'em go.

I'd known for a while that what I was feeling for her was more than I'd ever felt for anyone before, but I steadfastly pushed that shit down because it did me no fucking good to acknowledge that kind of shit. But low and fucking behold, one night of a blubbering, drunken, puking Bella, and I couldn't push that shit to the back of my head any longer. It's been fucking ridiculously hard to keep my shit together around her since that first goddamn train wreck of a night…and it gets worse by the fucking day.

It's fucking maddening to be stuck in my spot. A couple nights ago, fuck it might have been weeks I'm not sure, I was watching some bullshit program on like the Discovery channel or some shit, because there was absolutely _nothing _on television at three o'clock in the goddamn morning, and after Bella had passed out I'd snuck outside to smoke a quick bowl to relax. When I came back in and found that gem of a fucking program, I got sucked into it, watching it like it was the most riveting fucking thing in the world.

Anyway, to make a long story short, it was about fucking gravity or some shit and how the sun has a gravitational pull or something on the planets that orbit around it. I felt like goddamn lovesick fool when I came to the realization that Bella was my fucking sun and I was some shat planet orbiting around her. My mind on drugs works in very mysterious ways, and I don't think in a sober state I could even begin to make sense of some of the shit that goes through it, but that goddamn gravity shit made perfect fucking sense to me…both high and sober.

She was my grounding force, what kept me from losing myself in this fucked up world we lived in. I'd been doing a lot of reflecting on my past ever since the night of the decoy bag, and truthfully, I didn't fucking like what I saw. I'd been living my lifestyle for so long that I wasn't capable of seeing the changes in me any longer, but one look back and I could see all of them right in front of me with glaring fucking clarity, and I didn't fucking like who I'd become one fucking bit.

I used to be someone she could be proud to stand beside, someone with at least _some_ fucking morals, not this goddamn washed up emotionless common street thug. It was watching that stupid fucking educational program that clicked everything into place for me. It was that night that I decided I was going to change. I was going to fix my shit and be the man I was supposed to be, and she was the grounding force I needed to be able to do it.

It sounds fucking cheesy as all hell, and pathetic as all get out, but I fucking need her. I need her like I need air and water and all that shit, because without her, I don't have a single reason to ever need to change anything about my life. It's not like I'd ever hear my father telling me how proud he was of me, or see _my_ mother cry tears of joy over any accomplishment I might make. There isn't even a chance in hell that Esme would ever look at me with anything but hatred for destroying her happy little family, and believe it or not, there had been a moment of time at some point where I'd wished all of that were possible. There was simply no one for me to for me to try for. No one but Bella.

Sure, I have Oma and Poppop, and I care for them deeply I do, but it isn't the same. I can wish with everything in me that they were my own, my flesh and blood, my family, but they aren't. At the end of the day, there are no permanent ties binding us together. They can walk away at will and be done with me in a moment's notice, a fact that has always had me keeping some form of distance between us. I can't let them in all the way because it fucking terrifies me that they'll be disgusted by what they find.

It was the same fucking fear that had kept me from getting too close to Bella in the beginning, but she somehow managed to break straight through my fucking guarded walls in the quickness. How she did it fucking baffles me, but she'd done it just the same. She fucking ensnared me in some type of unbreakable steel cables or some shit because I couldn't fucking see how I'd ever survive without her anymore. She's the bright light in my fucking black darkness and without it, I'll be fucking lost forever.

"Don't worry…I'll find you," she murmured. My eyes shot the fuck open to see hers closed but she had a slight frown on her lips.

_Did I just fucking say that shit out loud?…_

"What baby?" I whispered as I moved a lock of hair away from her face.

She could have just been sleep talking…something I'd become both familiar with and fucking addicted to. She'd say the most hilarious fucking shit while she was sleeping, like "stupid dancing Twinkies" or "it's just soap…just pick one already". It always made me wonder what she was dreaming about…especially with the fucking Twinkies. I was pretty sure the soap mumble had something to do with one of my rants over why there are so many different fucking soaps in the store.

I mean really, come the fuck on, an entire aisle for _soap_? And some of them really smell like fucking shit! I know…I sniffed them all, and made her do the same. There was this one body wash for dudes, some active sport type shit that nearly made me gag. That stuff smelled like someone tried to take a dip in a goddamn spice cabinet, like they're fucking coating themselves in a dry rub to be put on a grill or some shit. Nasty fucking shit right there. Who wants to fucking smell like that as soon as your ass gets out of the shower? The object of a fucking shower is to smell _clean_ not goddamn marinated in funk!

Then there's the girly smelling ones. I'm a man for shit's sake. I don't want to smell like teaberry or pearberry or some shit. Fucking teaberry…sounds like a pussy nickname for fucking balls. Yeah…I'm so not soaping up with that shit. Next thing you'd know, I'd be dressing up my cock with a fucking frilly doily or some shit to hide my tea berries as if my cock would do a curtsy for anyone passing by. So fucking _not_ happening.

_Jesus Christ my brain's all over the goddamn place tonight…_

"If you…get lost…I'll find you," she mumbled as she snuggled further into my chest and almost instantly started snoring.

_Fuck me…I DID say that shit out loud…that's fucking perfect. My brain-mouth barrier has officially shut the fuck down…_

I watched her sleep for a while, making sure I didn't start fucking vocalizing my thoughts and shit again. I was a little fucking worried to fall asleep with how drunk she'd seemed - even though I'd cut her off on only her fourth beer - and I wanted to make sure she was sleeping soundly and I wouldn't wake up to a fucking vomit shower or something nasty like that. After a while of watching her, and feeling confident that she'd make it through the rest of the night, well fucking morning at that point, without a fucking massive tsunami erupting from her stomach, I closed my eyes and tried to drift off. Key word here…_tried_.

My goddamn arm had gone numb from her head laying on it for so long and that damn phantom limb feeling was driving me fucking insane by keeping me awake. Unable to take that shit any longer, I shifted us so she was half way on top of me, using my chest as a pillow instead of my arm and moved my phantom limb to wrap around her back and hold her to me. Her arm wrapped its way around my chest, her hand clutching the fabric of my shirt as pins and needles burst to life up and down my arm. _Fuck _it was hard not to shake the shit out of it to make that crap stop.

"_My Edward_," she sighed just above a whisper, her lips turning up slightly at the corner. I fucking froze as I looked down at her.

_Did she…I know I'm fucking beyond exhausted but there's no fucking way I just hallucinated that shit…she just said MY Edward…Holy fuck!…_

I grinned so wide I probably looked fucking demented as I ran my fingers through her hair and listened to her sigh.

"Soon baby girl, I promise…I just need to get my shit together first," I whispered, wrapping my arms around her and kissing the top of her head before slipping into a comatose fucking type slumber.

Yeah, I'd almost fucked shit up by nearly kissing her, but I knew what the fuck I wanted and I knew what needed to be done so I could have it. Hell over high water, the day my lips finally touched those perfectly plump and pink soft ones of hers, I'd be fucking worthy of them. Until then, the little chaste gestures of affection I'd started giving her at any opportunity that presented itself would just have to placate my fucking selfish desires and hopefully subdue my more primal urges. Not likely…but it was worth a fucking shot.

The way I awoke the following day was less than ideal by any fucking standards. I was fucking freezing because we'd left the stupid ass window open and my goddamn Bella blanket was fucking missing…a fact my cock had not yet registered.

"Go back to sleep asshole…if I can't even kiss her yet what the fuck makes you think you can touch her? Horny ass bastard," I grumbled glaring down at the bulge straining against my jeans.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP JASPER! WHO ASKED YOU?!" I heard Bella scream. I nearly fell off the fucking futon in my haste to get up, almost falling to the floor as the pain from my sudden movement shot through my groin. I grimaced, adjusting myself as I strode out of the room, hells bent on knocking him the fuck out for whatever was getting her so goddamn riled up so early in the fucking morning.

"When are you finally gonna fucking listen to me? He's no good for you! Look at yourself Bells! You're drinking like a fucking fish damn near every night!" he yelled back just as I turned the corner into the living room. They were standing off against one another, Bella glaring heatedly up at him as he ripped and pulled at his hair, making him look even more disheveled than usual.

"I don't drink because of him! I drink because of _you_! Every time I'm around you, you say something stupid that pisses me off!" she yelled up at him, shaking with rage and cringing at the volume of her own voice.

"Whoa! What the fuck is going on?" I asked, stumbling to put myself between them.

Something wasn't fucking right with the look on his face and I wasn't coherent enough to be able to predict whether or not he'd attempt to lay a hand on her. I wasn't about to take the chance of missing seeing it coming before it fucking happened and he possibly landed a hit in on her because then I'd have to fucking kill him, groggy from sleep or not.

"This is between me and Bella. Back the fuck up _Edward_," he spat, staring me straight in the eye as I pulled her behind me.

"Not a fucking chance, not until you calm the fuck down," I growled, not giving him an inch. Fuck that shit, I'd put up with his fucking bullshit for long enough.

"_I am calm_," he seethed, "so back the fuck up." His enraged words came with a forceful shove that nearly knocked me into Bella. If I hadn't seen that shit coming a mile away we may have both ended up on the floor. My arm cocked back, ready to knock his fucking teeth out but it was caught by Bella's fragile hands just as she gasped out my name, clearing the cloud of rage that had hazed my vision.

"_Jazz stop!_" Alice yelled, jumping off the couch and pushing him backwards.

"Are you taking his fucking side now too?!" he yelled down at her.

"He's my fucking _brother_, Jasper. I love you, but _this _is fucking _bullshit_. I'm not going to sit here and watch the two of you jackasses beat the shit out of each other over _nothing_. I'm not taking sides. I can't. I just can't…" she sighed, shaking her head, pain etching its way across her delicate features.

"So just because he's your _brother _it's okay for him to fucking _destroy _her life?!" he bellowed. God I wanted to ram him right through a fucking wall.

"He isn't destroying her life! She's a big fucking girl Jasper! She can make her own goddamn choices! When will you _get that?!_" she hollered back at him.

"Look at her Ali! She disappeared with him last night and I find her this morning hugging the toilet all fucking hung over and sicker than shit! He shouldn't have let her drink so damn much!" he bellowed, thrusting his finger in Bella's direction.

"It's not his fault! He cut me off after only four beers!" she yelled unevenly, holding onto her stomach.

"Well apparently your knight in shining fucking armor didn't cut you off early enough if you're fucking sick this morning," he scoffed and I would have fucking hit him if Bella's rapidly paling face wasn't scaring the shit out of me.

"I'm not sick from fucking drinking! I…oh God," she trailed off as her shoulders tensed and a heave ripped through her frame. She bolted for the bathroom, her hand making a loud slap as it came to her mouth.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU FUCKING KNOCKED HER UP DIDN'T YOU?!" Jasper roared as he rammed into me. We fell back, landing in a fucking heap on the floor with Alice yelling at us as we rolled around.

"Get the fuck off of me dickhead! I haven't fucking touched her!" I yelled, connecting my elbow with the side of his jaw. I scrambled to my feet as he rolled off of me with a groan and pulled my foot back, intent on kicking the fucker right in his side.

"EDWARD! DON'T!" Alice screeched as she jumped in front of me.

"Fuck this shit, I'm done. Tell your _man_ to get his shit together or I'm taking you and Bella and ditching his ass on the street. I fucking mean it Ali…I'm _done_ putting up with this bullshit," I seethed, still pissed beyond all fucking belief as I backed away.

"Okay okay…I'll talk to him, just calm down and go check on Bella. If she only had a few beers she shouldn't be sick like that," she said in a placating tone. Yeah…it didn't fucking placate me in the least, just made me want to smack some sense into her for getting involved with a douchebag like him to start with.

"No shit Sherlock…and for the fucking record, the only nights she's gotten ass over forehead drunk has been when she's been with the two of you…_alone_," I spat, glaring down at the prick with the bloody lip. "Hear that dickhead? Better step up your own booze patrol if you're gonna try to fucking knock down my efforts ya _prick_."

"Goddamnit! You're being just as pigheaded as he is! Just go fucking check on Bella," Alice yelled as she backhanded my chest.

"Quit hitting me ya little shit!" I snarled, rubbing the spot where her fucking ring nailed me.

"Quit being a douchebag and I'll quit hitting you Assward," she shot back, turning away from me to tend to her shithead of a boyfriend.

"Whatever, just take my car and go get something for her stomach will you?" I grumbled, taking my keys from my pocket and holding them out to her. Her head snapped around in my direction, looking all nervous and wary and shit.

"What?" I sighed, exasperated. "What the fuck is it now?"

"I…I can't…" she stuttered. I rolled my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Why the fuck not?" I asked as I threw my hands in the air. "I _know_ you can drive it because you fucking _stole _it two months ago."

"You _know_ why I can't…" she mumbled, looking guilty as fucking sin.

_Oh No…no no no…Come the fuck on already!…_

"Aw _fucking hell _Ali!" I groaned, nearly ripping my hair straight out of my fucking head. "When is this shit gonna stop?!"

"I'm sorry! Jasper and I got into a fight and I just…needed to take the edge off," she rambled…straight to the floor. _Nice…can't even look me in the eye because she's full of shit. _I crouched down to the floor and snapped my fingers in front of her face to get her to look up at me.

"You may not be able to choose sides between love and family, but I _can _and _will_. I left our parents behind, don't make me choose to leave you behind too. I can't take this shit anymore, Ali. Once I get us out of these fucking shitholes, I'm never looking back," I told her, my eyes darting between both of her tear filled ones.

She knew what I was saying, and she knew I meant it too. I stood as the tears that were in her eyes began to stream down her face.

"Get off the drugs Alice. You're the only fucking family I've got left, but once I'm out of this shit, I want no part of _any _of it in my life."

I hated saying that shit to her, but it was true. If she kept using, I'd leave her ass behind when I left. It was her choice whether she came with me or stayed behind to keep living her life the way she was. I'd acknowledged my mistakes and I was hells bent on fixing them. I wanted something better for Bella and I in the long run. I wanted a better fucking life for us, one that wasn't tainted by the constant fuckery that went on around us.

Fuck, I just wanted a single shot at that goddamn happily ever after so many fucking people dream about. I didn't give a shit if we were never rich, if we never had nice shit to fill our apartment or home if we were able to make it that far together. I just wanted the fucking chance to be able to possibly have a forever with her without it being ripped to shreds by the way we survived.

It was a long shot to start with, assuming she even wanted to be with me the way I wanted to be with her, but living the way we do…it was destined for fucking failure if it even began. The stress of living on the streets, bouncing from place to place and barely making ends meet while being surrounded by crime, poverty, and drug addicts, would tear us apart before we could ever manage to find even ground to fucking stand on.

I wasn't foolish enough to hope for great things for us, but just looking at her and knowing all the things I wanted to be able to provide for her - shelter, security, stability, etc - gave me the strength to fight for the shit. I had one chance to do this shit right, and I was gonna do it…with no fucking mistakes.

I just hoped she wanted what I was starting to fight for too…otherwise I was going to crash and motherfucking burn alive.

"Baby doll…it's me. You okay in there?" I asked after lightly knocking on the bathroom door.

"It's open," she groaned, her voice sounding slightly muffled. I opened the door slightly and peeked my head inside to see her leaning over the toilet, her head resting on her sweatshirt covered arm.

I shut the door behind me and knelt down beside her. She dry heaved again just as I pulled her hair back and gathered it in a fucked up knot with the hairband thing that had been on her wrist.

"Shit sweetcakes…maybe I should bring you down to urgent care or some shit," I said quietly as I rubbed her back.

"No…it's just _the cake_. God that fucking _cake_…I can still _taste_ it," she groaned as a shudder ripped through her, right along with another heaving gag.

_I feel your pain love…and I didn't even eat the shit…_

"Yeah…beer probably wasn't the best thing to chase that cake, ice cream, and cupcake with," I chuckled as I patted her back. She just snorted and lifted her head off her arm to sit up straight.

"I keep heaving but nothing's coming up anymore," she sighed and then leaned into me.

"That's probably because there's nothing left in your stomach," I nodded as I wrapped my arms around her.

"I heard the scuffle out there. He didn't hurt you did he?" she asked, looking all worried and shit.

"Please sweetness…it takes a lot more than his scrawny ass to take me down," I chuckled, reaching behind us to turn the faucet in the tub on.

"What are you doing?" she asked as I fucked with the knobs to get a decent water temperature.

"Running you a bath. It might help ya feel better, and it'll definitely make ya smell better," I joked. She poked me in the side as she snickered, making me jump back and almost topple over.

"I'll go get your shower shit…just make sure the water doesn't fuckin' overflow or anything," I laughed as I got up. She shot me a sarcastic smile as she flipped me the bird and slid to the side so she was leaning against the side of the tub with her ass on the floor. _Goddamn lucky fucking floor_.

I left the bathroom, closing the door behind me and quickly retrieved her bag and bathroom crap. Fucking poofy sponge, girlie soap…not teaberry thank fucking God…and all.

I passed Garrett stumbling out of his room on the way back and talked with him for a minute, worried he might be tossing our asses out for waking his ass up, but he wasn't. Jackass had slept through the entire fucking thing and had only just woken up because his cousin or some shit had called him to tell him his brother had gotten locked up the night before. He'd gotten arrested for being drunk and disorderly in public or some shit and he had to go drive two hours upstate to get the money from their parents to bail his ass out.

That right there was a _prime _fucking example of what I wanted to get the fuck away from.

He slipped out of the apartment, in shitty ass sweatpants and a holy sweatshirt with only his wallet and keys in his hand, and I knocked on the bathroom door before stepping in…and not finding Bella.

_Fuck me…she's in the tub…naked…_

"Don't even start," I muttered, looking down at my cock.

"Edward? Who are you talking to?" Bella asked, a slight tremble of panic leaking into her voice.

"Uh…myself. I'll leave your shit on the sink for you," I sputtered, nearly tossing the shit from my hands.

"Just pass it through the curtain…you won't see anything," she said as I heard her shift in the tub.

_Okay dickhead…you can do this…just hand her the shit while looking the other way and then leave…Oh fuck! She was wearing pink panties?!…_

"Edward?"

_Shit! Right…shower stuff…on it…_

"Here," I said, thrusting my hand with her bottle of soap and poofy sponge thing between the curtain and wall. Her wet fingers brushed my hand as she took the shit from my hand and I nearly creamed myself when I caught sight of a sliver of her bare back and shoulder.

_I can't do this shit…_

"Did you grab my shampoo and conditioner too?" she asked, holding her hand out. I wanted to take it and pull her to me, not giving a fucking shit if she was soaking wet or not. She had no idea what just standing there knowing she was naked behind that flimsy plastic curtain was doing to me.

"Uhh yeah…here," I mumbled, aiming blindly for her outreached hand because there was no way I could risk seeing that sliver of flesh again without turning into a giant fucking perverted asshole.

"Your towel's on the sink and your bag is on the floor," I said, quickly turning for the door.

"You can stay until I'm done. Jasper always used to sit on the shitter and talk to me," she chuckled and I had to fight back a groan as I hit my forehead against the shitty tile on the wall.

"I have to go…uhh…" _jack off because I'm a giant horny pervert and I haven't gotten laid in months…_

"Make some fucking phone calls…" _and that glimpse of your skin just fucking did me in… _

"You know…" _I wonder if Garrett would be pissed if I used his bathroom… _

"Check up on Oma and Poppop and shit" _fuck it, he's not home. What he doesn't know won't hurt him…_

"I'll just lock the door behind me to give you some privacy…" _Because if I don't lock the door I'll be ramming my head into a wall in an effort not to come back in here to catch a quick peek to add to the spank bank…_

_God I'm fucking despicable… _

I bolted out of the bathroom like someone had tried to light my ass on fire, making sure I'd locked it behind me and nearly took off running for Garrett's bathroom. I really should have been fucking disgusted with myself, but I wasn't. Apparently I was unable to feel any shame whatsoever in holing myself up in some dude's private bathroom and abusing the shit out of myself…three fucking times in a row. Despicable…like I said.

I cleaned up when I was done, making sure I left no evidence of my self mutilation behind before heading back into the "office" and flopping back down on the futon, leaving Queen Crackhead and King Fuckup in the living room to sort through their shit on their own. With any fucking luck, they'd realize how fucking serious I was and they'd pull their shit together, because giving up and leaving my sister behind on these streets permanently was _not _something I wanted to have to even begin to fucking contemplate doing.

Not five fucking minutes later, my goddamn pager was blowing up, bringing me back to my shitty current reality. I groaned as I yanked it off the waistband of my jeans and rolled my eyes as I read the number and pulled my phone out of it's clip.

"What'd ya need?" I asked when Drew answered the phone.

"Sup man...you weren't sleepin' or some shit were ya?" he asked and I rolled my eyes. Fuckin' insomniac motherfucker…probably hasn't slept a solid eight hours in at least a goddamn decade, but that's what being addicted to stimulants will do to you.

"Pretty much. What do ya need and can it wait?" I asked and he laughed.

"Yeah dude, no rush. I need a double dollar. One white one green," he said and I rolled my eyes. "And a fitty-piece of the Christy if ya got it on ya."

_Stupid ass thinks he's cool saying it that way...he sounds like a fuckin' retard..._

"You got the cash on you right?" I asked, not wanting to drive all the way out there for fucking nothing.

"Yeah man. Two and a half bills in hand," he replied quickly.

"Aiight...I'll be around in a few hours," I said before snapping my phone shut and shoving it back in its clip.

I tried to fall back asleep, knowing there was no way I'd make it through the day on only roughly three hours of sleep in three fucking days, but sleep just wouldn't fucking come. I had too much shit going through my mind, and having Bella come back in the room, smelling all fucking delicious and what not as she snuggled back into the futon with me, wasn't helping in the least. It just made all of my issues that much more fucking apparent.

It was a constant war in my head of wants versus needs. Wanting to be with her, but needing to straighten out my life first. Wanting to be off the streets, but needing to run them to make the money to get off of them. Wanting to fix all the mistakes I'd made in the past, but needing to stop fucking myself at every turn in my current predicament before I could even think about doing something more with my life. It was never-fucking-ending.

After an hour, I couldn't lay there anymore. I had to get the fuck out or I was gonna go fucking crazy. It had been over two goddamn months since I had gotten a piece of fucking ass, and having her soft little body almost on top of me was driving me out of my fucking mind even though I'd _just_ jacked off three fucking times. Add that sexual frustration to the stress of my situation and I was ready to go down in a flaming inferno. I didn't know how much more I could possibly take before I fucking exploded.

"Bella…sweet cheeks wake up," I said as I shook her shoulder. She hummed and started rubbing her eye as she yawned.

"I have to go make some runs. Do you want me to drop you off something to eat before I go?" I asked as she sat up.

"Can't I just go with you?" she asked sleepily. I could tell she was at least feeling minimally better since the color had returned to her face, her cheeks slightly flushed. "I don't want to stay here with them today."

"Sorry baby girl…we've talked about this. You know I don't want you or Ali anywhere near the people Jasper and I get our shit from and why. I can drop you off at either Mandy's or the diner though if you don't wanna be here," I offered as I put my sneakers on.

If I didn't need to drop by Jared's, I might, _might_, have considered bringing her with me. She was used to seeing druggies around the places we frequented and I was sure I could do the trade off with her being none the wiser, but there wasn't a fucking chance in hell I was gonna bring her along with me to pick the shit up and I didn't have enough on me to skeet by until I could get another chance to drop by there. Besides that, I really needed to fucking burn off some stress, and I couldn't do that shit with her _right fucking there_.

"Um, I guess Mandy's then. I'm not feeling up to the diner today," she said as she got up to get her shoes. I nodded and stood, adjusting my pager and cell phone on my waistband and tossing my book bag over my shoulder.

I pulled up to Mandy and Kyle's apartment building not twenty minutes later and walked her up to the door. We'd stopped off at a drive thru to grab some breakfast for both of us, and them since we were dropping in on them unexpectedly so early in the fucking morning. Mandy answered the door, looking as if she'd woken up just before we'd gotten there and ushered us in quickly so she could shut the door against the frigid fucking air that was blowing into the apartment. I sat with them to eat and then made my escape when they headed into the living room to watch some tv and most likely fall back asleep while sharing a blanket on the couch.

I made a quick call to Jared as I pulled out of the lot, just so he'd know I was coming and didn't blow my goddamn head off thinking I was five-o or an intruder or some shit. Feeling even less sociable than usual in his presence, my visit was _short_ to say the least. I barely said two fucking words to him between handing him his cash, getting my cut, and having my stash replenished and bolting back out the door. After a brief stop back at Garrett's apartment to cut and divide my supply, I was back on the road once again.

What felt like forever and a goddamn day in my exhausted state, I finally pulled up to Drew's apartment building only to see the jackass himself sitting out on the balcony grilling something on a fucking hibachi grill...at quarter to nine in the fucking morning. He waved and yelled down that the door was open. Tired as shit, I made it to the second level and had to stop until my vision un-fucking-blurred before hiking my ass up the second flight of stairs.

_It's fucking official…I'm gonna kill myself if I keep this shit up…_

"Dude...you look like shit," he laughed as I stepped out onto the balcony and he held his fist out. I bumped it with my own and spun my bag around.

"I feel like it asshole...Where's the cash?" I asked, not wanting to hand the shit over 'til I had it in hand. He'd never shorted me or attempted to stiff me, but I wasn't about to take the fucking chance.

"You should hang and smoke a bone with me for a bit. I haven't seen your ass in fuckin forever, dude," he said as he passed me the two hundred and fifty bucks. I nodded and plopped down in a chair on his balcony as I tossed him his bags of pot, cocaine, and enough crystal meth for the stupid motherfucker to OD on if he wasn't careful with that shit. He tucked the shit away and rolled a fatty J, sparking it before passing it my way.

That was the cool thing about Drew. No matter what I sold that fucker, he'd pass some my way. He considered it repayment for all of his requests at god awful fucking hours. I can't even begin to count how many times I'd had to drive out to east bumble fuck at like four or five in the morning to drop shit off to that motherfucker, but he made it worth it by giving me a way to not tap into my own supply. Not that I'd even been tapping into my own shit over the last two months. Shit…I couldn't even really remember the last time I'd done anything more than drink or take a few hits of pot.

"So dude...I was thinking about this _crazy_ shit last night...well this morning whatever...Shannon smoked the last of my shit so I took a fucking Desoxyn and I've been zinging all fuckin' night," he rambled and I laughed as I exhaled the hit I had taken. That fucker could take damn near anything off your mind with his hyper ass off the fucking wall rants.

I felt a twinge of guilt as the smoke initially filled my lungs, the same guilt that hit me every single fucking time I'd smoked since Bella had come into my life, but I pushed that shit back, telling myself that I hadn't touched a single thing but pot since I'd met her. I'd done much worse shit before she came along, and had been worse than Ali once upon a time…but that was a long fucking time ago.

"Asshole...spit it the fuck out," I kicked his leg, interrupting his train of bullshit thoughts that had nothing to do with the "crazy shit" he'd been supposedly thinking about before taking another hit and passing it back to him.

"Oh yeah...so I was fuckin sitting out here, right? And for once in this fucking state it wasn't raining and the stars and shit were out. Dude...how fucking big do you think the universe is?" he asked and I cracked the fuck up, beginning to feel goddamn giddy as the shit crept into my system.

He was always rambling some crazy shit about the universe. He had some interesting theories, well at least the ones I could keep up with when he wasn't switching back and forth between his explanations and random nonsensical thoughts.

"No dude...listen to this shit. So I was staring at the stars right? And fuckin A man...I swear I solved the fucking mystery. It's time, dude. It's not fucking space. It's _time_," he stressed and I laughed even more at his dramatic gesticulations. He really was a fucking idiot sometimes. I mean come on…you've gotta have at least one screw loose if you're gonna do the whole damn near whispered "_time_" thing while arcing your hands through the air as if presenting the most magnificent thing anyone had ever fucking seen. He did that shit constantly…and it was fuck-all hilarious.

"What the fuck do you mean it's time?" I snorted, leaning back in my chair as a haze settled over my brain.

"It's _time_, bro!...Think about it. Whenever those fucking astronauts and shit talk about space they always talk about shit being light years away. _Years_ dude...that's fucking time. So what if the universe isn't like this vast area of space...but like a fucking pretzel type shit thing of time? What if like while we're fucking sleeping...our dreams are someone else's fucking life and vice versa and shit?" he rambled.

See what I mean here? He just went from talking about how the universe is composed of time not actual space, and then he jumps into some sci-fi shit about life being a series of delusions during sleep. He's so mentally fucked it isn't even funny. No…fuck that…it's goddamn hilarious.

"That's some fucked up shit," I chuckled, releasing a hit as I felt that familiar numbing hum envelop my entire body.

"Tell me about it dude. Whoever's dream my life is has been sleeping for like...fucking days man," he stumbled after trying to remember just how long he'd been fucking awake.

He rambled for a while longer as we smoked his shit and I laughed hysterically at him as he tried to describe his pretzel of time theory in more detail. Truthfully, I didn't understand a fucking lick of what the fuck he was going on about, mostly because he'd spout off random shit about asteroids hitting the planet in 2024 or something right in the middle of explaining his theories. Not to mention, he'd get half way through a theory and then come up with another one mid-thought.

He seriously needed to lay off the hard shit while watching the discovery channel at fucking three am because not only was he running around thinking he'd solved the mystery of the universe, he was also completely convinced the world was going to end either in 2024 by an asteroid, or in 2012 for reasons ranging from an asteroid hitting the sun and reversing the polarity of the planet and fucking shit all up, to "just because that's when the ancient Mayan calendar ends". The man is fucking nuts.

"Hey sweetie...you look beat," Shannon said as she stepped out onto the balcony, looking like she had just woken up. I stood and gave her a quick hug before plopping back down in my seat.

"Haven't slept well lately," I said and she nodded as she stretched and yawned.

"Hey asshole...quit smoking and come down off your shit. We have to pick the kids up later," she said as she slapped Drew in the back of his head. I laughed and covered my mouth as she shook her head and stepped back inside.

I followed her into the apartment, ready to raid their junk food drawer with my serious case of the fuckin' munchies. She laughed as soon as she spotted me and reached up in one of the cabinets and tossed me a box of snack cakes. I chuckled as I leaned against the counter and ripped into them like they were a seven course fucking gourmet meal.

"Here hun. Take a few of these for the road in case you need a pick me up later," she said as she tossed me a black camera film cartridge with a few pills in it.

"What are they?" I asked as I shook the cartridge. It sounded like it had four or five pills in it.

"Some of asshole's Desoxyn pills. They're supposed to calm his ADHD ass down, but they rev him up even worse. He won't tell the doctor that though," she said as I laughed and leaned to the side to kiss her cheek.

She was always a cool chick, looking out for everyone around her and shit. She smoked a bit of pot from time to time, and did a few other things occasionally, but she was probably one of the most put together people that I had met in my time on the streets, aside from Kyle anyway. I wasn't sure I'd take them at any point, mostly because I'd been trying to stay away from that kind of shit, but pocketed them anyway. At the very least I could make some quick cash off of them.

"What do you want for them?" I asked, not wanting to take them and give her nothing in return. I knew I could make over twice whatever I paid her for them out on the streets. It was win-win for me.

"Nothing...you're probably saving me from dealing with him all night again at some point if you take 'em before his prescription can be refilled," she chuckled as she dug through the fridge and pulled out a carton of coffee creamer. I dug in my pocket and pulled out a twenty for her and held it out to her.

"Take it Shan...take the girls out to McDonald's or some shit with it. It's not often that you two get to take them from your mother's house," I said. She smiled sadly and nodded as she took it and gave me a hug.

"It'll be alright girlie. You'll get them back one day," I said as I rubbed her back and she sniffled as she stepped away.

"She's fighting for permanent custody so she can move away with them. She says the only way she won't go through with it is if I leave him behind and go with her," she said as she rubbed her hands over her face.

"What are you gonna do?" She looked at the back door and sighed before looking at me with red rimmed puffy eyes, evidence that she had spent the better part of her prior night crying.

"I have to leave him. I don't have a choice. They're my kids, his too but he hasn't acted like a father toward them in forever. He's too fucked up to be around them, and I won't let him around them when he's high or tripping. It scares them. If he manages to sober up today before I go to pick them up, it'll be the first time he's even seen them in _months_. I can't let her take my kids away permanently, Edward. I just can't," she sobbed. I wrapped my arms around her and rubbed her back as she cried on my shoulder.

"You do what you have to do to keep your kids Shan. Don't worry about him. He's a grown man. Maybe when you leave he'll finally realize what he's missing and change his life around so that you can all be together again one day, but for now you have to stay with your kids. They need you," I said, trying to be supportive of her decision.

If it got her out of that lifestyle and put her back with her kids where she belonged, I had to fucking encourage her to do it. I'd give my left nut to have an easy out like her mother was presenting to her. Well easy in the physical sense of walking away, emotionally it'd be one of the hardest things for her to ever do.

"I know...that's why I'm going. This will probably be the last time I see you. She's already got the house up for sale and she's had a few offers. It shouldn't be long before she's ready to leave," she said as she stepped to my side and leaned against the counter next to me.

"That's probably a good thing though. You know my presence never brings anything good," I said as I tossed the box of snack cakes onto the counter opposite of me.

"Don't say that, Edward," she said as she rubbed my shoulder. "You're only doing what you can to survive."

I shrugged and nodded as I shoved another entire snack cake in my mouth. Yeah…I'm a pig. So the fuck what? I was debating on grabbing a third package from the box I'd tossed just before she spoke again.

"How's Alice doing? I haven't seen her since she and Jaime got into that fight over the missing bag of coke that they had both already snorted."

I shook my head and grumbled under my breath as I pinched the bridge of my nose. That had been one fucked up night. If I hadn't gotten her out of there when I had, we _both_ would have ended up in jail that night.

"She _had_ slowed down, even quit completely for a bit I'm almost sure, but she's started right back up again," I sighed as I rubbed my hands over my face. Even just thinking about it was stressing me out all over again.

"She made a new friend and they've been staying with us for a while now. She's dating the girl's brother, well brother-type figure…former brother type figure…_fuck,_ I don't know what their relationship is anymore…the guy's been acting like a complete fucking douche, but anyway, I think she's bringing him down right along with her," I rambled, my hands leaving my face only to attack my fucking hair.

"What about her friend?" she asked and I smiled slightly. Shit I think I even chuckled a bit right after I caught onto the smile. Goddamn pot.

"Her friend is pretty straight edge. She drinks but that's it. I'd probably knock a fucker out, even Ali, if they tried giving her anything else. I don't want her even getting started...it's one less thing to battle later on," I said and she nodded.

"You care about her, don't you?" she asked, the corners of her lips twitching as a smile slowly crept across her face.

"Who Alice? Of course I care about her, she's my sister," I laughed, trying to play that fucking shit off…and failing fucking miserably.

"No dumbass...her friend. You've never stopped people from smoking a little pot before. Sure you've tried to stop a few from doing more, but not just pot," she said and I nodded knowing there was no point in fucking trying to deny it. I'd already blown my cover with my maryjane induced grin and chuckle combo.

"Yeah...I do care about her, but I'm not in a position to be going after her…yet," I sighed, feeling my buzz slip away slightly while thinking about all this fucking bullshit. Just like I've said from the beginning…drugs only provide a temporary escape…_very _fucking temporary.

That one joint only granted me about an hour at most of reprieve before my stress began to seep back in. It might have lasted another hour or two had Shannon not brought Alice - and subsequently Bella - up, but that's just the way the shit rolls. Sometimes you can escape for an hour and sometimes a bit longer, but never for long enough that when you sober up your source of stress no longer exists. If anything…there's usually just one more thing waiting for you on the sober side for you to buckle under the weight of.

"You need to stop selling yourself short Edward. All those stupid little bitches you've gone around with since I've met you weren't worth your time and you know it. You have a good heart, don't be afraid to show her that. It may just be the best thing you could ever give her...even better than anything materialistic you could ever offer," she said and I scoffed.

"Shan...that's sweet really, but this is _me_ we're talking about. Why would I get involved with her when there's a chance that at any given moment in my day I can go to prison for years. She doesn't deserve to be left like that. She deserves to have someone that isn't fucking breaking the law to provide her with food and shelter. Someone who can come home to her at night after working a fucking legitimate and boring ass nine to five job, and someone who can provide more than just fast food and shitty shelter," I ranted, pointing out all my reasons, well most of my reasons, for why I had no business getting involved with her at the moment. The only reason I left out was how I didn't want the big fat lie of what I do to make money to be between us when and if we ever got together.

"Alright, alright...I get it. I do, but there's nothing carved in stone anywhere that says that can't be _you_ one day. Find a way out, Edward. We all have our windows of opportunity...we just have to find them before they close," she said, looking all optimistic and shit.

"I'm trying…trust me I'm fucking trying," I nodded, just as my pager fucking started going off again.

_And there goes the last of my fucking buzz…bringing with it another goddamn burden for me to bear…See? Told ya…_

"_Goddamn_...and so it fucking starts again," I sighed as I ripped it off the hem of my jeans.

"I gotta go sweetie. Tell Drew I said I'll see him around, and if I don't see you again...good luck," I told her as I hugged her one last time.

"Take care of yourself Edward, and find your way out so you can give yourself a chance with that girl. She might end up being the best thing that ever happens to you," she said as she walked me out.

"Regardless if I make it out and get that chance or not, she already is the best thing that's ever happened to me Shan," I shrugged as I gave her a goofy ass stoned as shit grin.

"I'll tell Alice to give you a call when I get back. She'll want to say goodbye before you leave." She nodded and waved before shutting the door.

I stood there for a moment, looking at the shut door, and hoping with everything fucking in me that when she shut that door for the last time, she didn't ever fucking look back. Wherever her life led her, and wherever her mother took her, it had to be fucking better than where she'd been for so long.

"Hey I'm on my way. What do you guys need?" I asked as I jogged down the steps toward my car with my phone to my ear.

That's how the rest of my day went. Traveling from place to place, supplying various people with their vices and taking their cash, which was most likely ill gotten. By the time the afternoon hours approached, I broke down and took one of the pills Shannon had given me to give me a boost of energy just to make it through. I felt like shit for taking it, but every time I tried to close my eyes for just thirty goddamn minutes of sleep, my fucking pager or phone would go off and I'd be on the go again.

I shot Bella a few texts throughout the day, making sure she didn't need anything and that she was still feeling alright. Around six I was seriously dragging ass again and using all my fucking self control to not take another goddamn pill when I got a page from Lauren's number. Had Alice not mentioned there being a giant fucking party there that night, I would have said fuck it and ignored the hell out of it. Lauren wasn't good for much of anything, drug sale related or otherwise, but when she threw a party for all of her dirtbag friends…I made some serious quick dough. Mostly because I _always _way overcharged those fuckers _and _handed them crap stash while I was at it. It was just too good of an opportunity to pass up, so I sucked it up and forced myself in the direction of her biohazard zone of a fucking apartment.

Twenty minutes after I walked through the door Jessica's inebriated and incessant advances were grating on my last fucking nerve. Apparently she and Mike were on the outs, yet again, and that douche fed me to the wolves with no fucking warning. I was _beyond_ sexually frustrated after not having any type of fucking release not brought on by my own goddamn hand for so long, and her trying to push her fucking tits and shit in my face was _not _helping me at all.

Two months ago, I would have just dragged her off into a secluded area, fucked the shit out of her, and left her there feeling satisfied and no longer needing to hang all over me, but I couldn't bring myself to fucking do it. Shit, I couldn't even bring myself to fucking _think _about it without wanting to be sick, so I did the only thing I could do. I got up and walked the fuck out to make my way back to where I had dropped Bella off earlier that morning.

As I drove through the streets back to Mandy and Kyle's place, that stupid fucking Discovery channel show about gravitational pulls and shit popped in my head again and yet another amazing goddamn epiphany struck my fucking exhausted brain. I didn't just orbit around that girl…she fucking pulled me in from wherever I was when I wasn't near her.

I couldn't count how many times in the last month that I'd driven by the diner just to see her running through the place serving customers and shit, or how many times I'd texted or called her just because I couldn't take being away from her any longer. Fucking hell, her goddamn unbreakable hold on me was strong enough to pull me away from getting a free piece of ass! _Never _in my fucking _life _had anyone ever had that kind of power over me.

Yep…I'd had a fucking epiphany alright…and it made me want to slam my head into my steering wheel repeatedly because in that instant I fucking knew I was ruined for the rest of my fucking life. Twenty years old and my days of playing the field were fucking over because…

_Bella Swan fucking owns me._


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N****:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

BPOV

"You look like hell Bella," Mandy said, grabbing a blanket from the hall closet.

"Yah, I know," I sighed, falling down onto the living room couch. She sat down beside me, throwing the blanket over both of our laps. "I had a shitty night and then woke up puking my guts out," I explained with a frown.

"Partying too hard eh?" she asked with a soft laugh.

"No. Well ya…I mean I was drinking but that wasn't it," I said shaking my head slowly.

"I was swamped at the diner last night and didn't even have time to grab dinner. Then Oma made me this god awful cake with ice cream for my birthday. That alone mixed with four or five beers I had last night just didn't sit well." I explained with a grimace rubbing my stomach.

"Damn girl you should know by now not to drink on an empty stomach," she said with a slight smirk as she rolled her eyes at me. "So is that why Edward brought you by here so early in the morning? You called off work I take it?"

"Oh shit," I exclaimed sitting up on the couch to grab my purse that was on the coffee table. "No actually I had totally forgotten about my shift at the diner. I better call Oma." I glanced at the clock noticing it was just a little past eight. I wasn't expected at the diner until ten, but there was no way I would be up for work today after the night I'd had.

When I explained to Oma that I had been sick earlier that morning she insisted I take today as well as tomorrow off, saying that I was more than welcome to come in to work Friday and Saturday if I was worried about the money. I felt bad missing work when I wasn't technically sick with the flu or anything but was glad I could make up for it by coming in later in the week. I told Oma I would definitely see her Friday morning. Then I sent Edward a text letting him know the plan since he already knew I wasn't going in today.

"Thanks for the reminder," I said throwing my phone back in my purse before settling back down beside her.

I sighed heavily, letting my head fall against the back of the couch. I was exhausted and still felt like shit, but didn't feel like I could sleep anymore. Truthfully I was just enjoying the complete and utter silence. No screaming or fighting. No chatter or music thumping from another room. Just peace and quiet.

I'm not sure how long I sat there but eventually Mandy leaned over and elbowed me in the side.

"What was that for?" I asked finally looking over at her.

I was met with a soft smile. "Talk to me Bella, I know you've got something on your mind. You know it won't stay quiet around here for long so start talkin' missy."

I laughed quietly shaking my head. I should have known Mandy would want to talk. This wasn't the first time I'd hid out at her place trying to avoid the drama in my life.

"It's nothing really. Just the usual," I relied trying to act nonchalantly, still hoping I might get out of talking about it.

"Bullshit. I know you better than that," she scolded me. "God Bella, I don't think you realize how easy you are to read. I meant what I said earlier. You look like _shit_." I opened my mouth to respond but she cut me off with a wave of her hand as she continued.

"Don't even feed me some bullshit line about being tired or sick either," she said, laughing and shaking her head. "You look…well you look totally defeated. What the hell's been going on girl?"

"Gee thanks for the boost of confidence there Mandy," I teased, attempting to dodge the question. She glared at me in response. Apparently I wasn't gonna get out this one by cracking a few jokes.

I sighed rolling sideways towards Mandy, pulling my feet up onto the couch as I wrapped my arms around my legs. She mirrored my position, adjusting the blanket so we were both still curled up beneath it and waited silently for me to begin. I opened and closed my mouth multiple times, not really sure where to begin. She must have noticed my reluctance.

"Is is Edward?" she asked cautiously. Just the mention of his name and I felt myself begin to smile as the blush crept across my face. "Nope, he's definitely not the problem. Though based on that blush of yours I think we'll be coming back to him later," she said smiling at me her eyes dancing in mischief.

"So…" she drawled tapping her finger on her chin. "That leaves Jasper and Alice. Where would you like to start honey?"

"Alice is okay I guess," I said halfheartedly, wringing my hands together beneath the blanket. "I mean I don't really spend all that much time around her anymore. She's got too many other friends plus she's got Jasper now," I said, laughing humorlessly. "He's around her pretty much constantly so the only time I actually hang out with her is when they've been fighting. Pretty sad excuse for a friend really." I muttered under my breath.

Mandy nodded in understanding. She'd been around Alice enough to know what she's like. Alice is one of those people who's your friend only when _they _need you or when it's convenient for _them_. Seeing as how Jasper pretty much can't stand to be around me, it makes sense that Alice has pretty much dropped me as a friend as well. I keep trying to justify that it's less drama this way, but who am I kidding. It's drama whatever way you look at it.

"So it's Jasper then," Mandy stated, smiling sadly in my direction. She had first hand knowledge of how close Jasper and I had once been, and we were good enough friends that there was no hiding the fact that Jasper and I had drifted apart. She just had no idea exactly how large the rift between us had gotten.

_It was the fucking grand canyon of rifts._

Just thinking about it was hard enough. After the day I'd had yesterday and then everything this morning, I'm not sure I could really handle unloading the extent of my problems with Jasper on her. She noticed my hesitation in talking about it.

"Look you don't have to tell me everything, but there's a reason you showed up on my doorstep at seven in the morning. Why don't you just start with that?" she prodded, though she moved her hand to cover mine, giving it a small reassuring squeeze.

"Okay fine," I sighed, giving in. "So, you know I told you I was sick this morning right? Well Jasper found me in the bathroom and out of nowhere he just starts _screaming_ at me going on and on about me having a drinking problem," I scoffed rolling my eyes.

"Oh that's rich," she laughed shaking her head.. "I don't think I've even seen you drink more than like three or four beers. Just enough to get ya tipsy but never hammered. It's not like your puking your guts out night after night."

_Well…hmm. Yeah that's not so much true._

She had only ever seen me on the nights I hung around here. Those are the nights I drank for fun. The nights I spent alone around Jasper and Alice on the other hand…

I ran my hand through my hair debating whether I wanted to explain further. I didn't want her to think I actually had a drinking problem because I didn't.

"Actually I've been hammered puking my guts out a few times as of late. But the only reason I'm drinking that much is because of Jasper. We haven't been talking…at all. Pretty much all I get from him is some smart ass comment about my job or about my relationship with Edward," I sighed, running my hands through my hair. "He's so mean about it too. Plus he normally only says shit to me when Edward isn't around, like he's _trying_ to get under my skin or something. It works too, but I never say anything back because I don't want to cause a scene wherever we're staying. And it's not like I have any friends to talk to about it so I normally just throw back a few drinks trying to escape from it all."

"Hmm.." she replied contemplatively. "What does Edward have to say about all of that? Maybe he could talk to Jasper for you? Get him to back off a little?"

"Oh god, I don't tell him any of the shit Jasper says," I said, my eyes widening at the thought. "He's normally the one who finds me and takes care of me those nights but I never tell him why I've drank so much. Their relationship is pretty sketchy to begin with, and if he knew even half the crap Jasper's said to me..."

Mandy furrowed her brow in response. "So let me get this straight. Alice ignores you and Jasper treats you like shit. So you drink more than you should while trying to keep it all hidden from Edward." I nodded in response. "And you put up with all of this shit _why_?"

_Because Jasper's the only family I've got left. Because I can't imagine my life without Edward. Because I have no where else to go._

I shrugged not really sure what to say.

"Hmm." She replied sitting there quietly for a few minutes before saying anything else.

"Look Bella. I like you, you know that. I like hanging out with you because you're a snarky little thing when you come out of your shell and most of the time I crack the fuck up at the random shit you do and say. You're a lot like Edward in that way," she said laughing shaking her head. "I hate that you think you don't have anyone to turn to. Kyle and I have told Edward this before and now I'm telling you. If you ever need a place to stay, our door is always open. Whether the two of you just need to escape for a few days or you want to move in until you can get on your own two feet the offer stands."

"What about Jasper and Alice?" I asked, just wanting to clarify.

"Well…we've only have the one small room, and honestly I can only stand Alice in small doses...which is probably why Edward's never taken us up on the offer," she explained with a sad smile

I nodded and returned the smile in appreciation.

It was a way out…only there were most definitely strings attached. As tempting as the offer was there is no way I could go through with it…at least not without Edward and he'd never leave Alice behind.

We hung out on the couch for the next few hours, mindlessly chatting and watching TV. Of course Mandy made sure to badger me about Edward trying to get every detail out of me that she could, though there wasn't really all that much I wanted to admit. She was a sly one though and knew if she asked her questions in the right way she could get her answer just based on whether or not my face lit up. _Damn involuntary blush…seriously is there corrective surgery for this crap?_

The arrival of a few of Kyle's friends was the end to our girl time as they took over the living room. Mandy had to leave for her shift at Wally-World anyways. I hung out with Kyle and the guys for a while, but when they started lighting up I decided to head down the hall to the guest room. My stomach was still sorta queasy and I figured I might as well grab a few more hours of sleep while I had the chance. I threw Edward one last text and passed out within minutes.

I had forgotten exactly how comfortable Mandy's was compared to a lot of the other places we'd been staying at. Kyle had left for work around four that afternoon leaving me with the place to myself. I slept for five straight blissful hours. I can't remember the last time I'd had a night of sleep that long, let alone just for a nap.

After stumbling my way to the bathroom I headed out to the living room, smelling the aroma of some greasy Chinese food. Edward and Mandy were hanging out on the couch watching TV. When he saw me he threw me a breathtaking smile and nodded towards the kitchen counter at the leftover Chinese. I grabbed the two last egg rolls and a half eaten container of chicken fried rice and squeezed in between them on the couch.

They were watching one of Edward's favorite shows on dvd, Space Ghost Coast to Coast. I'd grown to love the show, though I'm not sure if the show itself was really all that funny or if it was more so that I loved watching Edward's crazy ass impersonations… particularly the ones of a character named Brak. How he was able to make his voice sound gravely yet high pitched at the same time was beyond me. The boy had talent, and he left me laughing so hard I was nearly peeing my pants every time he broke out in one of Brak's songs. Tonight was no exception.

He was mid song when I sat down, barely letting me get settled before snatching a half eaten egg roll out of my hand.

I was about to protest when he belted out, "I like egg rolls and crab rolls. Crab legs, but not frog legs. I like duck sauce with duck tape and jumpin' on the bed. I like popeye pip-pie, pa-pie po-pie pee-pie. Olive Oyl and Bruno and fallin' on my head. Fallin' on my head."

By the end of his rant of a song I was in tears leaning against Mandy, trying to keep upright because I was laughing to hard. She was no help whatsoever because she was sliding sideways off the couch in hysterics attempting to cling to me for support. In the end we both ended up falling off the couch in a fit of giggles.

It was around midnight when Kyle stumbled through the door dragging his feet. He was headed straight to bed because he had a double shift the next day. Mandy had to work a morning shift the next day as well so Edward and I cleaned up what was left of our take out and headed out the door.

"You seem to be feelin better tonight," Edward said as we were walking towards the car. "Slept well I take it?"

"Oh god yes," I groaned remembering how insanely comfortable the guest bed was in comparison to Garret's lumpy ass couch and futon. "I've definitely missed sleeping at Mandy's place."

"You sure slept a long fuckin time, too. I sent you three texts this afternoon and never fuckin heard back from ya," He mentioned opening the passenger side door for me.

_Well this is new. Opening a door for me…? _

I slid into the car sorta shocked that he was acting like a gentleman, being all chivalrous with the door. I smirked at the thought of Edward treating me like a lady.

_I swear to God though if he holds out a hand to help me back out of the car I'll lose it. _

"Bella are you even fucking listening to me?" he asked bring me back from my daydream of a well-mannered Edward Cullen.

"Huh?" was my brilliant reply. He chuckled shaking his head.

"I asked if you're okay with heading back to Garrett's place?" he asked looking at his phone. "Just got another text from Alice wondering when we'd get there."

"Oh ya of course, where else are we gonna go. We've got to face the two of them sooner or later," I said shrugging my shoulders.

Ten minutes later we pulled up in front of Garrett's apartment. Much to my dismay Edward did not walk around the car to help me back out, though I couldn't help but giggle a bit at the thought of him actually doing so. I guess this made him only half a gentleman.

Just as we were walking up the steps to the apartment, Edward's pager went off.

"Fuck," he groaned pulling it off his waistband to check the number. "I've gotta take this real quick Bella, I'll meet ya inside in a few minutes, 'kay?"

"Sure thing," I said, smiling back at him before making my way around the corner to Garrett's door. We'd been staying there for three nights now so there was no reason to knock on the door. People came and went all the time anyways.

When I entered the apartment my eyes went wide, and I felt my breath catch in my throat at the sight in front of me.

Alice and Jasper were sitting on the living room couch, leaning over the coffee table together.

Alice was sniffing loudly, wiping at her nose.

Jasper had one hand held up along the side of his nose, holding one nostril down while he held a rolled up dollar bill in his other hand. Sitting in front of him was a mirror with two thin lines of white powder, one of which he was currently snorting up his nose.

I was frozen in place, unmoving, unblinking. I'm quite sure I wasn't even breathing. The only sound was the very loud thumping of my heart I could hear pulsing through my body.

The powder in front of them…it was cocaine.

Jasper and Alice were snorting _coke_.

_Jasper _was _snorting coke._

Whatever breath I had been holding left my lungs in an unsteady swoosh at the realization.

The door behind me closed of its own accord, alerting the room of my presence.

Alice's eyes flicked towards me first. They were wide, full of fear and surprise though that might just be because she was high.

I drew in a shaky breath.

Jasper's eyes were still closed, his held tilted back. He rubbed at his nose as he inhaled again. On his face a small smile formed on his lips, an expression of content and bliss.

A cold tremor slithered down the spine settling at the pit of my stomach.

Never taking her eyes off of me Alice elbowed him in the side. "Jasper," she hissed.

His eyes opened, connecting immediately with my own; his hand frozen in the midst of wiping his nose yet again.

Recognition flashed in his eyes. I expected their depths to hold signs of remorse or embarrassment for his actions. Instead they flared in annoyance. Annoyance at _me_, at my very presence.

Suddenly all the pieces fell into place. The lies I'd sensed I was being told. The secrets I was so very sure he'd been keeping from me. The anger and irritation I often felt directed towards me. The reason he'd kept me at such a distance. All of it had absolutely nothing to do with me, but it had _everything_ to do with the drug currently pumping it's way through his bloodstream.

He huffed rolling his eyes me. _Oh that is fucking it!_

"What the _hell_ are you _doing_? Coke? You're seriously snorting fucking _coke_? What the _fuck_ is wrong with you Jasper!?" I screamed storming towards him now that the initial shock had worn off.

I expected him to respond to me…to deny it, or try to defend himself. At the very least I expected him to at least pay attention to me. But this was not the Jasper I had known my entire life. This man in front of me was an drug addict. His response? He leaned back over the table intending to snort up the second line.

_Over my dead body_. I quickly reached across the table to snatch the mirror the coke was on, immediately whipping it across the room, the white powder scattering across the wooden floor.

"What the _fuck_ Bella? I fucking _needed_ that," he sneered glaring at the remnants on the floor before turning his heated stare on me. "Especially if I'm supposed to deal with your judgmental self righteous ass tonight."

"You think_ I'm _judgmental and self righteous," I repeated gaping at him in disbelieve. He stared back crossing his arms across his chest raising his brow at me, daring me to contradict him. "You have _got_ to fucking kidding me! This morning you were screaming at me, accusing me of having a drinking problem. News flash asshole! You're a fucking _drug addict_ Jasper."

"I'm not a fucking addict," he scoffed rolling his eyes at me. "So I snort a line every once in a while. Big fucking deal Bella," he said shrugging his shoulders leaning comfortably back into the couch next to Alice.

"Big fucking deal? _Yes _Jasper. It _is_ a big fucking deal. Snorting coke is a _huge fucking deal! _If you weren't so fucking high right now you might be able to comprehend that," I spat, resisting the urge to literally knock some sense into him.

"You don't even know what your fucking talking about Bella," he sneered jumping off the couch to get in my face. "All I had was _one_ fucking line. You fucking threw the rest of it on the floor before I could even get a decent buzz going. You don't know shit about any of it so don't you dare fucking patronize me _Isabella_."

My hands rolled into fists at my side. It took everything I had in me to restrain from hitting him. "You're right Jasper, I don't fucking know. It's cocaine for shit's sake, why the hell _should_ I know anything about it?"

He scoffed rolling his eyes at me fucking yet again. God that shit was really, _really_ starting to piss me off.

"Look the fuck around you Bella. We're surrounded by drugs every single goddamn day. Everybody's doing them," he pointed out as if that some how made it okay.

It was definitely not fucking okay. God I wish I could hear himself, he's using every damn cliché in the book. If I wasn't sure of the extent of his drug use before this solidified it for me.

"Is that the excuse you tell yourself to be able to sleep at night? It's a crock of _shit_. The Jasper I grew up with would have never done drugs. _Never._" I snarled leaning up towards him hoping to convey the force of my words with my position.

"Yeah well life has fucking changed since then now hasn't it," he spat in my face, refusing to back down from me.

There had been an abrupt change in his demeanor. Before he was annoyed and a bit aloof to my tirade. Something I'd said had just set him off. His blazing eyes seared into my own, filled with anger and resentment. Jasper glared at me as if in that moment he truly hated me.

"You think I _wanted_ this? I had no other fucking _choice_ Bella, don't you get that? I wouldn't even _be_ in this situation in the first place if it weren't for you. It's _your fucking fault _we're here. I have to deal with all of this shit because you didn't have the fucking balls to turn your piece of shit old man in," he glowered, his eyes narrowing throwing daggers at me.

My aggressive stance I'd been holding faltered as a stumbled back a step. _He…he blamed me? For Charlie? For all of this? _Before I even had a chance to absorb his words he was continuing his attack.

"Did you ever for one moment in the past three fucking years stop to think how all of your shit was affecting me? How much you affected my life? How fucking much I gave up for you?!" he screamed, his voice cracking by the end of his rant. His hands gripped his chest as if physically hurt him to remember our past together.

"I always fucking looked out for you and supported you. Through bullies, your mom's death, even when my mom ran off…I was _still_ there for you for fucking _everything_. Hell I even fucking dropped out of high school to work two crap ass jobs to keep a roof over our heads so at least _one_ of us could get a fucking diploma…a lot of good that fucking did," he muttered still staring me down.

"We could have made it just the two of us you know," he mused as he started pacing in front of me unable to hold still. I'm not entirely sure whether this was due to his heightened emotions or his drugged up state. "If it weren't for all your fucking panic attacks from your stupid dreams I could have gotten a third shift job at a factory. But _no_, I couldn't work nights because I had to be there for you. Because you _needed_ me. And I was always, _always_ fucking there for you." Alice moved from the couch to grab a hold of his arm trying to slow him down or comfort him or something, but it didn't work. He just shrugged her off not even giving her a moments glance before continuing.

"But none of that was good enough for you, was it Bella? I _know_ it wasn't because the second _Edward_ waltzed into your life you didn't fucking need me anymore," I tried to interrupt him, to defend myself. As soon as he heard my voice he stopped pacing, whipping around to face me. He sneered, nearly growling at me, effectively shutting me up with just one look.

"Don't even try to pull that bullshit line that you needed your _independence_ because I'm not fucking _stupid_. The only independence you wanted was from _me_. All you did was replace the person you dumped all of your shit on. Your _still_ a fucking coward, too afraid to face the reality of your life."

I just stood there as his words ripped me. In the past with Alice I always knew she didn't really mean what she said when she was high. She wasn't in her right mind. But this didn't seem like the same thing. Jasper's words, the fire in his eyes. It felt real. It felt like he truly meant what he said.

"That's not true Jasper," I replied stumbling a bit over my words. I was so full of all different sorts of emotions it was hard to even speak at this point. Gathering myself I continued, "It may have been that way in the past, but not anymore. I'm _not_ a coward, and I can face reality just fine. You're the one that seems to be having a problem doing that," I sneered waving my hand over at the corner of the room at the mirror the coke had been on.

"Oh trust me little girl, you don't know shit about the real life we live. Maybe it's time I enlightened you on a few truths about your life and your precious Edward," he said with a sickeningly sweet smile across his face. It made my insides churn as my anger came to a boiling point.

"Don't you _dare_ fucking bring him up. He has _nothing_ to do with this shit. This is between _you_ and _me_." My arms were extended straight along my sides, my fists clenched so tight they were beginning to hurt.

"Of course you would think that. Because in your eyes, pretty boy can do no wrong, can he?" he said waving his hands in the air for effect. "He's not the perfect guy you make him out to be Bella. He's a spoiled little rich kid that's never worked a single fucking day in his life. He's a fucking liar and a manipulator and he doesn't give two shits about you. You're just some sort of twisted fucking game to him."

"You are so full of shit right now Jasper. I know Edward better than anyone. He's not like that. And he would _never_ lie to me, unlike _you_," I snarled poking him in the chest.

He laughed maniacally, shaking his head at me.

"Well you're in for a rude awaking then Bella, because that's _exactly_ what he's been doing ever since the moment you met him. You want to know how Edward's able to pay for everything…all the food you eat, the clothes you wear, and the beer you drink? You want to know where the money _really_ fucking comes from because it sure as shit isn't from peddling electronics on the goddamn street. He a fucking _drug dealer _Bella. Here take a look for yourself," he said reaching to the couch behind him across Alice to grab his backpack.

He ripped it open revealing dozens of small baggies each filled with some sort of drug - weed, cocaine, pills of various sizes and colors. Jasper smirked at me proudly as if he was pleased to no end at the thought of shattering my perception of Edward.

Too bad for him it didn't work.

"Who cares Jasper, so he's selling drugs…_so are you_!" I yelled flailing my hand at the sight in front of me. "At least he's not actually _using _the drugs…no, that would be _you_. If I hadn't caught you red handed tonight, you would have gone on ignoring me trying to make me feel like complete and utter shit, like this fight of ours was my fucking fault."

"It is your fucking fault. All of this shit is your fucking fault."

"Fuck you Jasper," I spat turning to leave the room before I did something I'd regret.

"That's right Bella. Turn your fucking back on me and go have yourself another beer," he called out behind me following me towards the door. "While your at it why don't you take some time to think about how proud it would make mommy dearest to know that her little girl is _fucking _a drug dealer."

I didn't think about it. I just reacted.

I whirled back around to face him, pulling my arm back before throwing my fist forward, punching him across the jaw, expending as much force as I could muster behind it. It must have been a decent amount because he stumbled back, his head rolling to the side as his throat released deep rumbling groan. I could feel the sharp sting shoot from my knuckles down the side of my hand to my wrist nearly simultaneously.

"You stupid fucking bitch," Alice wailed from somewhere in the room though her voice barely registered with me.

My head screamed at me over the pain in my hand as I watched Jasper spit blood out the side of his mouth. I didn't let the pain stop me. He deserved more, so much more.

I pulled back my arm intending hit him again when I was suddenly accosted from the left side. Alice had leapt off the couch, launched herself off of the coffee table, and thrown herself directly into me. My fist connected with Jasper's face once again before we tumbled, groaning as we made contact with the hard floor beneath us.

I whimpered as sharp pains shot simultaneously through my hand and shoulder. Alice, having landed on top of me, was not nearly as affected by the fall.

She quickly moved to straddle my chest, effectively pinning me to the floor. Before I even had a second to react, her hand slapped me across the face, hard. I yelped in pain feeling the scratch of her ring high across my cheek.

I tried to wiggle free but her legs tightened on either side of me. She tightened her fist in my hair, her nails digging in against my skull as she pull upwards leaving me no choice but to lift my head towards her. As soon as my head was an inch or two off of the ground she slammed her fist back into the ground, my head bouncing off of the floor.

A scream of anger and pain ripped through me and she proceeded to repeatedly bash my head into the floor .

I tried to swing at her, to fight her off, but she grabbed a hold of my injured hand, gripping it tightly within her own squeezing and twisting it with all her might. Intense pain shot up my arm as my lower body flailed trying desperately to knock her off of me.

"Alice _stop_," Jasper yelled, moving forward to hook an arm around her waist. Unfortunately for him he moved forward at just the wrong moment, and one of my flailing feet connected with his groin. He groaned bending forward to grasp his junk, protecting himself from further injury as he backpedaled away from the two of us.

After rocking my hips back in forth a few more times I finally got the leverage to flip her off of me, reversing our positions. She shrieked in surprise but kept a firm hold of my hair. It didn't matter, she no longer had the upper hand.

I pulled back my hand to hit Alice in the face, just as she had done to me moments before with one exception…it wasn't a bitchslap.

My fist connected with here eye as she cried out in pain. She pulled at my hair yet again, cocking my head to the side pulling my face towards her own and she lifted her other hand to scratch at my face. My right hand scratched at her neck and shoulders, trying to hurt her in any way I could. I curled my other fist into a ball and proceed to punch her side over and over again.

Her hand wrapped around my fist, trying desperately to stop me from hitting her. I grabbed a hold of her wrist, pinning that arm above her head as we continued to scratch and pull at one another. Once I had her arm secured above her head I dug the nails of my right hand into her collarbone as hard as I could. This distracted her long enough for me to release the hand above her head and get in a second punch, this one landing across her jaw.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN HERE?" Edward's voice rang out from behind me.

Seconds later Edward's arm was wrapped around my waist lifting me off of his sister. I yelped in pain because Alice's right hand was still wrapped in my hair.

"_Alice_. Fucking let go of her already," Edward growled shifting his hold on me so my head was no longer being pulled in her direction. Alice glared at him but finally released her hold on my scalp without uttering a single word to her brother.

"Fucking bitch," I muttered as I extended my leg, kicking Alice upside the head while I was still close enough to do so. Edward immediately jerked me away from her, throwing me over his shoulder while Jasper hobbled to Alice's side pulling her head against his chest protectively.

Edward glowered at them for a moment, taking in their battered bloody faces probably trying to decipher what the hell just happened between us all.

"Fuck this shit...I'm_ done_. Fuck the both of you psychotic ass motherfuckers," Edward snarled before turning around to storm out the apartment door.

* * *

? POV

"It's Rizzo," the caller declared as soon as the line was picked up.

Ahh, just the man he'd been waiting to hear from. "Find anything?" He asked getting straight to the point.

"The north side's running hot. Got a few hits elsewhere but it seems to be concentrated there," the caller replied with a deep firm voice.

"Any possibility it's coming from an outside source?" He asked. If there was, that changed everything.

"No, it definitely seems to be coming from our guys," the caller replied confidently. He knew better than to report information without being certain.

"Get me a name. We'll go from there," he ordered. No other instructions were needed, he knew what to do. He was one of the best, that's why he'd been assigned to the job.

"You got it boss," the caller confirmed before disconnecting the line_._


	18. Chapter 17

**A/N:  
**

******DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

BPOV

On the surface I walked away from that fight with minimal scratches and a moderate bump on the head…no major damage.

The real damage wasn't visible on the outside.

_You didn't have the fucking balls to turn your piece of shit old man in_. I could still feel the sting of a hand across my face. I looked in the mirror. A light purplish handprint and a jagged scratch along my right cheek were distinct reminders of similar injuries I'd sustained in the past.

_We could have made it if it weren't for all your fucking panic attacks from your stupid dreams_. Five vivid scratch marks cut down across my neck.

_I was always fucking there for you, but none of that was good enough for you. _Angry red marks descending beneath the neckline of my shirt.

_You're a fucking coward, too afraid to face the reality of your life. _Two exceedingly swollen knuckles and what felt like a sprained wrist.

_Lie…that's exactly what he's been doing ever since the moment you met him. _A welt across the back of my skull still throbbing in time with my pulse.

_It is your fucking fault. All of this shit is your fucking fault. _

I splashed my face with cool water. I then dampened a paper towel, bringing it to the back of my neck and holding it there hoping the coolness of the water would help calm the fire burning within me.

Every word he spoke, every hit I took felt reminiscent of the abuse I had endured more times than I cared to count.

And I was fucking _done_ with it.

I balled up the paper towel, throwing it into the trash can beside me before slipping back into my coat. I quickly made my way out of the bus station restroom, heading out the door into the brisk September night.

_Not tonight. _The last words I'd spoken aloud. It's been nearly twenty four hours since then and I was no closer to finding the words to explain exactly what it was that I was feeling. Even after passing out for a few hours at one of the bus stations along the way it still wasn't enough to even begin to clear my head. I felt angry, hurt, confused, and betrayed all at once. I was so messed up, my thoughts moving so quickly I barely had the chance to register one before being thrown into another.

I was angry with Jasper for lashing out at me. I was hurt that both he and Edward had lied and hid things from me. I was confused as to what really drove Jasper to drugs in the first place. Even more so I was confused as to why Edward had kept this from me when he chose to share so much else with me. Most of all, I felt betrayed. Betrayed by my best friend, my brother. He took advantage of his knowledge of the deepest darkest most painful portions of my life and used it against me, trying to hurt me in the worst possible way.

_The only independence you wanted was from me. _Was he right? I thought I was growing up, finally looking after myself for once in my life. Had I turned my back on Jasper in my search to find myself?

I was twelve years old the first time Jasper referred to me as his sister. It didn't matter to him that we weren't blood related. In the years following he taught me that just because someone is a blood relative it doesn't give them the right to be called _family_. Terms like mother, father, brother, and sister are labels that merit love and respect. He told me Charlie had given up the right to be called my father the day he raised his hand against me in rage. Had Jasper stopped seeing me as his sister, seeing himself as my brother?

_All you did was replace the person you dumped all of your shit on. _He was right. Edward does deal with all of my shit. Does he just feel sorry for me? Obligated to care for me after hearing my sob story? It was obvious he did that for his sister. Was I just another burden for him to carry? No, never. Edward and I have so much more than that. Still. He lied to me…

'_I need space, some time on my own to clear my head. I'm sorry.' _The words I left Edward with this morning before sneaking out of Mandy's apartment and heading to the bus stop down the block. I know that's not much of an explanatory note especially considering I've turned off my cell phone, but it was the best I could do at the time.

He was smothering me, demanding answers to questions I wasn't ready to face, the most basic of which was 'what happened.' I didn't know how to answer; I wasn't sure I was ready to answer. What I did know was that I needed to get out, get away…from him, from all of them. I needed time and space to process what had happened, what was said. I couldn't risk hurting him by lashing out at the wrong person.

Six bus stops and one ferry ride later I found myself eleven dollars poorer but one step closer to figuring it all out.

Where had I gone? Dear old Forks, WA.

I wandered along dreary poorly lit streets of the town that had for so many years given me life, love, and happiness…family. This town, those people, held absolutely nothing for me anymore. I hated Forks.

I hated that this town took from me the best thing I'd ever had in my life…my mother. I hated their pitiful stares the years following her death. I hated that they assumed my panic attacks were a result of losing my mother is such a tragic way. I hated that they believed the lies my father told; that I had left home to shack up with my 'boyfriend' Jasper Whitlock at the age of fifteen.

I hated that no one cared enough to question any of it.

In spite of my hatred of this town, there was a reason I had returned. This morning I was lost and confused, clueless what to think or where to go. For some reason found myself compelled to return here.

To where it all began.

I found myself standing in front of my childhood home, a place I hadn't been to since the day I ran away. It was around eleven o'clock at night, and all the lights were off. Charlie's pickup was nowhere to be seen.

I glared at the house. Just seeing it brought my simmering rage to the surface once again.

_It's all your fault. _Jasper's words were the same exact words my father had used against me the first time he hit me. Like hell it was all my fault. I was thirteen fucking years old the first time my father beat the living shit out of me, refusing to stop until I was left broken and nearly unconscious.

I picked up a rock from the gravel driveway, and threw it at the house.

_You're a fucking coward. _Of course I was…I had been for many years. I was just a kid when the beatings started. I was scared and confused. I didn't know I was supposed to fight back. It's not like they teach you these things in school.

Another rock ricocheted off of the wooden railing.

_You didn't have the fucking balls to turn your piece of shit old man in. _Yes it's definitely a sign of weakness when a fifteen year old girl doesn't have the guts to turn in her abusive father in to the police. _Bullshit_. Besides, who would have believed me any ways. The cops were his coworkers, his friends. Chief Swan was a man that could do no wrong.

Three more rocks slammed into the front of the house.

_It's your fucking fault I have to deal with all of this shit. _Who the hell does Jasper think he is to blame me for the choices Charlie made? I never asked for his help. Not once…not fucking _once_ did I go to Jasper asking for or demanding his help. No matter how many times Charlie hit me, I took it because he was my _father, _the man my mother died loving.

I threw one of the larger rocks directly at the front door. The distinct slam of _that_ door still haunted my dreams to this day. That sound marked the return of a drunk Charlie who was bound to be looking for a release on his own personal punching bag. I hate that door.

_I had no other fucking choice, don't you get that? _Like I had a choice in the matter? Like I had raised my hand saying 'pick me pick me', offering to have the shit kicked out of me day in and day out. Fuck no. But you, Jasper… you _did_ have a choice. You could have left me there; it had been over two years of beatings and I was still alive. How dare he blame me for the choices he made. He's the one who wanted to run away with me.

I lost track of how many rocks I had thrown at this point. I'm surprised I hadn't broken a window, not that I would have been opposed to leaving my mark in some way. I knew there wasn't a chance in hell that I was ever knocking on that door to confront Charlie. I couldn't do it then, and there is no way I would be able to now. God do I wish I was strong enough to do it though.

The front porch light of the house suddenly flicked on.

_Oh shit oh shit oh shit…_oh shit!

There I was standing in the middle of the front lawn not even fifteen yards separating me from my bastard of a father. I was an idiot to have automatically assumed when I didn't see his truck in the drive that he wasn't there. I hadn't even stopped to consider that he might actually be _home._

I took off running, diving behind the neighbor's bushes on the side of the yard. I just hoped I was fast enough to avoid being seen.

A few seconds later I heard the front door open. I moved to a crouched position, ready to make a run for it if I heard any footsteps, or even worse his drunken slur calling out for me. My heart was pounding heavily in my chest as my ears strained to hear any sound or movement from across the yard.

I heard nothing.

The seconds ticked by while I remained frozen in fright. Still I heard nothing.

"Honey?" a small feminine voice called out from inside the house. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing sweetheart, go back to bed." a masculine voice answered. A voice that most definitely did _not_ belong to Charlie.

My head popped up in surprise. Looking over the shrubbery, I saw a young man who looked to be in his early thirties squinting into the darkness obviously looking for any signs of disturbance. After one final glance across the yard he retreated back into the house closing the door behind him.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I had still been holding. I wasn't caught. Charlie wasn't coming after me. Charlie, it appeared, didn't even _live _there anymore.

I stood, slowly struggling to regain my composure. I still found my legs wobbly beneath me and after a few steps I decided it would be best to just sit down on the curb for a minute, letting my body recover from the adrenaline rush.

As relieved as I was to not have encountered Charlie, I was shocked that he no longer lived there. He and Mom bought that house together right after they were married. His entire life was in this town. All of his friends either lived here or down in La Push. He had no living relatives... aside from me anyway. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he would have moved away.

I was so lost in my own thoughts I didn't even hear the dog barking at me from across the street.

"Bella? Bella Swan? Is that you dear?" a familiar voice called out. I should have known I wasn't going to make it in this town very long without being recognized by someone, no matter what time of day.

I looked up to Mrs. Wallace and her dog crossing the street to get a closer look at me. She was Charlie's next door neighbor and had been one of my mother's best friends. I bumped into her from time to time around town after I'd run away, but I hadn't actually seen her in nearly six months.

"Hey Mrs. Wallace," I replied in a small voice standing up off the curb brushing the dirt off my pants. I wrapped my arms around my waist as she approach me.

"Oh it is you," she gushed a warm smile lighting her face. "I was wondering when I'd see you around here again, it's been too long."

I smiled nervously back at her, not really sure what to say. I really didn't want anyone to know I had been in town. The news would undoubtedly make it back to _him_. But I had to say something considering how I was just sitting on side of the road outside his house this late at night.

"I was just visiting the old house. It's been a while.." I trailed off hoping it was enough of an explanation to satisfy her.

"I know dear," she smiled knowingly. I guess it was no secret around town that my dad and I didn't have the closest of relationships. I _had_ run out on him so I could move in with my _boyfriend_ after all...what a crock. "I was really surprised I didn't see you back here for the funeral. I know things were distant between you and your father, but I figured you would have at least been there. It was a nice ceremony," she rambled placing a supportive hand on my arm.

_What did she just say? Funeral…a nice ceremony?_

My brow furrowed in confusion at her words as I looked back on her with questioning eyes.

"Oh gosh Bella, I thought you knew," she exclaimed her eyebrows raising in shock. "I thought that's why you were here…I never would have.." she stumbled over her words. She stopped to take a long breath and shot me a small sad smile before continuing.

"Bella, sweetheart. Your dad died. He passed away over four months ago," she explained giving my arm a reassuring squeeze.

_Charlie's dead? _I didn't know how to respond to that.

Mrs. Wallace went on to explain that he had been driving home late one night and lost control of the truck on the slick icy roads. The truck hit a tree head on and he was gone by the time the ambulance arrived. She said there were rumors going around town that he'd been drunk and that's why he'd lost control, but she wasn't sure how much of that was true. If Charlie had still been the man I'd run away from, I didn't have a doubt in my mind that it was the complete truth.

I hadn't said anything in response, in fact I hadn't made a sound. No crying or screaming. Not even as much as a gasp. I just stood there quietly listening. I couldn't even look at her as she spoke, instead choosing to look back at the house I spent both the best and worst years of my life in.

"Is there anyone I can call for you?" she asked concerned at my reaction…or lack there of.

"N-n-no. I'm okay, I've got my cell," I replied finally meeting here eyes, her face full of motherly concern.

I needed to get out there. I couldn't deal with this…with her looking at me like _that_.

I was so in shock that I couldn't even bring myself to mutter a goodbye. I just raised my hand offering a small wave before retreating down the street.

"If you need anything Bella," she called out to me. I glanced over my shoulder and nodded, letting her know that I had heard her.

Once I was out of her sight I cut across the street, heading into the woods back behind my old house. I knew these trails like the back of my hand and I knew just where I was heading. I just hoped that it was still there.

I still didn't know how to respond to her words. _Your dad died_. It was something about the way she said those words that caused my chest to contract in pain. But this wasn't news to me, not really. My dad died the same day we buried my mother. I had come to terms with the loss of my father long time ago.

What she should have said was Charlie is dead. Charlie. The man that beat me. The man that haunted my dreams. The man I refused to call my father. _Charlie _was dead. I'm not sure I could bring myself to care much about that.

There it was. My old tree house. A smile broke across my face when it came into view.

It had been years since I had been out here. Charlie was pretty strict with his rules after mom died and wandering the woods alone was no longer allowed. Of course I learned that one the hard way. It was probably six months or so after she passed and Charlie had been on duty late that afternoon. I was lonely and wanted to get away from the house to somewhere that reminded me of mom so I left without his permission. I didn't think he would ever find out, but as luck would have it, he had chosen that day to stop by the house to check on me. That night I was given one of the worst beatings I had ever received from him. So bad that I had to stay home from school sick with the flu for the next two days.

I jiggled the wood boards nailed to the tree, making sure they were still attached before climbing up into the tree house. It was a lot smaller than I remembered. I barely had room to lay down on the floor of it, finding it necessary to pull my knees towards my chest to avoid hitting my head against the wall.

As soon as I settled in on the floor, the exhaustion hit me hard. With all of the emotional turmoil and only a few hours of sleep on an uncomfortable bus station bench I found myself drifting off into sleep nearly immediately.

Unfortunately the nightmares set in just as quickly as the sleep had. I woke up countless times from my own horrified screams, drenched in sweat. I expected them, considering I was back in Forks - in my old tree house of all places, but nothing could have prepared me for this.

All of my dreams began with a chase of some sort and ended with Charlie's face grinning at me menacingly. This dream began the same way but when my pursuant finally caught up with me, it was Jasper's snarling face rather than Charlie's. The third time I awoke from this same dream I decided the sleep just wasn't worth it.

It was still early so I spent the next several hours wandering through the woods. I kept mostly to the trails I was familiar with so I wouldn't get lost. It was nice being out here all alone in the peace and quite, the fresh air giving my head a chance to clear. With each step I took, the anger that had consumed me since my fight with Jasper began to slowly drift away.

Around mid day I could tell that a storm was approaching so I headed back towards town. I decided I should probably just grab a motel room for the night. I needed a shower and a change of clothes. Not to mention sleeping in the tree house again tonight would be out of the question due to the rain.

I stopped by Sully's on the way to the motel, knowing I should probably eat something since I hadn't eaten in nearly two days. So much had happened in the last forty-eight hours that the hunger pains hadn't even registered until I smelled the greasy burger and fries. As soon as I was settled into my room for the night I tore into the bag.

After a long hot shower I changed into the pajamas Mandy had lent me two nights ago before curling up in bed. I hadn't worked through all of my conflicting emotions yet, but I was sure of one thing. Edward was my friend, and he deserved better than me running away without even letting him where I was going or when I would return. He would be worried, of that I was sure. I turned on my phone, ignoring the list of missed calls and texts, and sent him a message.

**I'm safe. I just need a little more time. I'll call tomorrow. -B **

…_I miss you._

I quickly turned my phone back off, not ready to face him or anyone else just yet. I still had some issues to work through. I needed a plan. How do I approach each of them once I returned to Seattle. How do I mend what's become so broken? Can it even be fixed?

I flipped on the TV and crawled under the covers. I had grown so accustomed to sleeping with all of the noises and disturbances of nighttime parties in the city that I found it rather difficult to fall asleep with complete silence surrounding. If I was lucky, maybe the noise from the TV would help keep the nightmares at bay for the night.

I was wrong. The sounds of the TV did nothing to stop the dreams from taking over my unconscious mind. It began just as it had the night before, but before Jasper could lay a hand on me…someone intervened.

_Edward suddenly appeared, throwing a punch at an unsuspecting Jasper, laid him out in just one hit. A cocky smirk adorned his face when he saw him drop. Edward's fiery eyes then turned in my direction. He stalked towards me as I backpedaled. _

"_Why would you run from me Bella," he growled reaching out to hook a finger in my belt loop, pulling my hips flush against his own. _

"_I'm sorry," I sputtered trying to pull back away from him. He growled again. "I need spaced," I squeaked making it sounded more like a question then a statement. _

"_Not fucking good enough, you could have gotten hurt," he snapped moving his hand from my hip to the center of my back, closing the distance between us until my chest pressed tightly against his own. _

_I stared up at him in defiance, his eyes turning dangerously dark. His hand released my hip and plunged into my hair gripping the back of my neck pulling my face up towards his own. His lips pressed against mine, needy and demanding. I responded with just as much force claiming his as my own._

_I pulled away, gasping for air, his forehead was still pressed against my own. His lips brushing against mine as he spoke._

"_I'll always be here, just don't fucking leave me."_

I woke with a start, drenched in sweat yet again. I sat up in bed, his words running through my head over and over again.

In my dream he asked me why I would run from him. I'm not sure I could even make it seem logical to anyone other than myself, but I just couldn't deal with all of it - all the fights, harsh words, and lies - while still being surrounded by the very people that had hurt me.

I thought I just needed space to try and clear my head and think through everything rationally, not that giving myself said space had done much good. I was no closer to having any kind of idea on how to deal with the entire situation, but it had given me time to cool off...and that alone helped.

So much had happened since those first few days after meeting Alice in a fast food restaurant bathroom of all places. Friendships had been forged and ripped apart, fights had become commonplace, lies had been told, truths had been revealed...and all of it centered around one thing. Drugs.

Once again I was brought back to the fact that Edward was a drug dealer...and that he'd lied about it. What I couldn't understand was why. Why would he lie about it when he'd made it so clear that he was just doing what he needed to do to provide for all of us? I didn't have an answer to that...nor did I have an answer as to what had really driven Jasper to start using the drugs they sold. Sure, logically I could just blame Alice, but the Jasper I knew...the Jasper I'd known for years...wouldn't have succumbed to peer pressure alone. There _had _to be something else that had caused him to venture down that path.

The entire situation was a giant mess. For years I had blamed Charlie for what both mine and Jasper's lives had become. Where once Jasper had blamed him as well, he now blamed only me. Did it really matter whose fault any of it was anymore? It was obvious that each of us was to blame for at least one part of where we currently found ourselves. Whether it was something we'd done wrong years ago or just recently, didn't matter as much as the fact that we were all guilty of something that had contributed to the disaster our lives had become.

My anger had all but subsided entirely, leaving me feeling only the need for the answers to the questions still plaguing me. The answers that, clearly, I would never find here in Forks.

I was done with the blaming, and I was done with running. It was time to go back to Seattle, to Edward.

The rest...we would just have to figure out together.

* * *

_?POV_

"_Talk to me," he said picking up the phone._

"_Got a name off one of our informants…we've got a problem boss," the caller confessed warily._

"_I'm sitting. Lay it one me," he said calmly leaning back in his chair, stretching his legs out in front of him. _

"_It's Cullen," the caller declared swiftly hoping to lessen the sting, sort of like ripping off a band-aid. "Sorry boss. I know you were…" the caller began before being cut off._

"_Forget about it," he interrupted abruptly. There was no need for further discussion. It didn't matter now anyways. "You know what to do. I need more than just the word of a snitch looking to gain something on this one. This isn't just business as usual. This one's __**personal**__."_


	19. Chapter 18

**A/N**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

EPOV

"Bella, for the love of God, just let me help you clean up your fucking scratches," I demanded, exasperated, annoyed, and fucking exhausted.

The entire fucking way back to Mandy and Kyle's place was spent in complete goddamn silence...on her part at least. No matter how many fucking times I asked what the hell had gone down between them while I'd been outside on the phone with Jared, she wouldn't fucking give me an answer. I think the _only _words she'd even spoken from the time I slammed Garrett's door to when Mandy let us back in was a muttered "not tonight" after about the fifty goddamn thousandth time I asked her what happened.

Not tonight...what the fuck kind of shit is that? My girl _never _pulls that kind of shit with me.

"They're just scratches, Edward. They're not even bleeding," she shot back, still stewing in her shit ass mood.

_Well holy fucking shit...I do believe we have an answer that was more than three goddamn syllables. And check that shit out...they formed full goddamn fucking sentences as well! The legend is true! She CAN fucking speak!_

"You do realize you just said part of that out loud, don't you?" she bristled, narrowing her eyes at me.

"Part of what?" I asked, not giving a shit that my exhaustion had turned my shitty ass brain to mouth filter off again. If it got her to actually start talking, I didn't give a shit how much of an ass I looked like. I didn't like this fucking silence shit from her.

I'd come to know many forms of my girl - happy, bitchy, emotional, sarcastic, playful, timid, foolishly brave, drunk...fuck you name it I'd seen it, but this shit...this eerie fucking silent brooding shit...I'd never seen before. And. I. Fucking. Hated. It.

"Nothing...nevermind. I just want to go to sleep," she muttered, brushing past me and locking herself in the bathroom so she could change into the pajamas Mandy had lent her.

"Well this is a perfect fucking way to end the goddamn day. Started out like shit...it's ending like shit..._Fuck..._the entire thing's just been _shit_," I grumbled to absolutely fucking _no one _as I kicked my sneakers off, flinging them across the room in the process.

I stopped in the center of the room, looking around for my bag for all of ten goddamn seconds before I realized she wasn't the only one without a fucking change of clothes.

_Perfect...that's just motherfucking perfect. Jeans have to be __**the **__most comfortable things in the world to sleep in_...

"You're doing it again," she mumbled, slipping past me and sliding under the covers of the small ass bed. She rolled over once she was in, facing the wall and dragging the blanket all the way up to her _fucking ear_.

I just stood there, yanking on my hair and counting to ten, because that shit's supposed to help you calm the fuck down or some shit...which is bullshit by the way cause it didn't do shit for me. I gave up counting somewhere around forty fucking five and yanked my sweatshirt over my head and tossed it on the floor before climbing in bed beside her.

I laid there silently for what seemed like eons, listening to her pretend to be asleep before that too annoyed the ever living shit out of me.

"Bella," I sighed, trying to not let my irritation seep into my tone, "Will you _please _talk to me?"

"I will...just not tonight," she mumbled, her voice muffled by her pillow.

"I'm holding you to that shit. First thing in the morning we're going out for breakfast and you're spilling your guts," I said as I rolled onto my back and closed my eyes.

She didn't answer, and had I known then that I'd wake up the next day to find her gone, I _never _would have fucking fallen asleep to begin with.

I'd woken up that following day, somewhere around fucking noon, and completely unable to figure out how I'd managed to sleep so goddamn long. The last thing I remembered was her climbing out of the bed in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom...and never feeling her climb back in. I'd shot upright when that thought had occurred to me, and listened intently for any sounds coming from the apartment. I knew the place would have been empty aside from the two of us, since both Kyle and Mandy would have been at work, but there wasn't a sound to be heard in the small apartment. No running water, no television, no lingering smells of something being nuked in the fucking microwave...not a single goddamn sign of fucking life aside from my own breathing and rapidly escalating heartbeat.

I jumped out of the fucking bed, halfway sprinting for the bedroom door before a fucking torn out piece of notebook paper resting on the edge of the small dresser caught my eye. I eyed that fucker like it was about to explode and blow me to a billion pieces, approaching it as if not breathing on the goddamn thing would stop it from detonating.

'_I need space, some time on my own to clear my head. I'm sorry._'

I crumpled that shit and threw it against the wall furiously after reading her parting words. Not two goddamn seconds later was I on my fucking knees trying to fish that shit out from where it had rolled underneath the motherfucking bed. I frantically flattened the fucking shit out, my eyes pouring over it again with the fucking fruitless hope that I'd missed something vital on it...like where she'd fucking gone for starters, but once again my eyes were only met with her simple words of '_I need space, some time on my own to clear my head. I'm sorry._' Like that shit gave me a fucking thing to go on.

Didn't she fucking know by now that I'd follow her ass anywhere? I didn't fucking _care_ anymore if we had to leave King Douchewad and her royal heiness Psychotic Bitch behind. Didn't she know I'd do goddamn anything for her?

_No...she doesn't asshole because you've been pussyfooting around her for practically the last three fucking months..._

It was in that moment that I realized why I'd woken up to a note instead of being with her wherever she was. It was my fucking fault. I'd had every goddamn opportunity to straight up fucking tell her how I felt about her and I never fucking did because I'd been too much of a goddamn pussy to tell her the truth.

I didn't know who to be more pissed the fuck off at in that moment, myself for being a pussy, or King Douchewad for undoubtedly starting the fight that pushed her over the edge and sent her packing.

I knew I shouldn't have let her go to sleep without fucking talking about what had happened. I should have just put up with her frigidness and coaxed that shit out of her instead of letting it fester in her like some goddamn toxic poison. Poison that caused her to make stupid and reckless decisions...like hitting the streets alone, going god knows fucking where and with little to nothing with her.

_Jesus fucking Christ! What the fuck is she thinking?!..._

I darted around the room, halfway tripping over myself as I tried to throw my shoes and hoodie back on before nearly running out of the apartment. I _had _to fucking find her. I couldn't just let her run around on the streets alone. There were too many goddamn dangerous people lurking around. If she needed space, god fucking damnit I'd give it to her, it'd motherfucking kill me but I'd fucking do it...as long as I knew she was someplace safe and warm...and fucking dry at least.

I ripped my cell phone off its clip half way down the stairs and flipped it open, ignoring all the calls and voicemails I'd missed while I was apparently in a fucking _coma_ - of all the goddamn times to sleep that fucking heavily...seriously...it had to be the night she fucking decides to bail?

I hit the number for her cell on my speed dial...number fucking one cause that's what she was to me, and pressed that shit to my ear as I disengaged the alarm and locks on my car with the remote. It didn't even fucking ring...it just went straight to voicemail. She'd shut her goddamn phone off.

"Son of a bitch," I growled as I waited for the stupid fucking beep and slid into my car.

"Bella...where are you? Please don't do this shit. Just call me and let me know where you are. I swear to fucking God if you want space I'll give it to you...just please...I need to know where you are."

I snapped the phone shut and tossed it on the seat as I slammed the car door shut and started up the engine. I knew there were very few places that we'd been to that she'd venture off to on her own. Oma and Poppop's diner was one of em...so that's the first place I tore off to.

I skidded into the parking lot, not caring that I'd probably scared the shit out of nearby pedestrians, and sprinted up to the door of the diner. The bell rang as I pushed on the glass door forcefully, nearly ripping the damn thing off the wall in the process.

"Oma, has Bella been by here?" I blurted quickly, ignoring the fuck out of all the curious glances of the customers.

"No dear, she isn't..." I didn't bother to stick around after she'd said no, spinning on my heels and bolting back out to the car. If she hadn't seen her this morning, she'd have no way of knowing where she was at the moment, and I needed to find her as quickly as fucking possible.

I drove around the streets just fucking looking for her walking around somewhere, calling her repeatedly and sending her text message after text message, downright goddamn fucking _begging_ her to call me. I just needed to know where the fuck she was. As the minutes ticked by and turned into hours, I was beyond fucking desperate and headed straight for motherfucking frantic.

I hadn't answered a single call that didn't come from either her or an unknown number, didn't return any of my fucking pages either. Deep down I knew I'd catch shit for that later, but at the time...I couldn't give a flying fuck. I only cared about one motherfucking thing...and that was finding her before something happened to her.

I checked the fucking park we'd hung out and gotten drunk together at, and found it fucking deserted. The only thing lingering there was a distant memory of the two of us chasing each other around during the day and sitting on the bench together at night. I should have fucking told her then...that goddamn night. I may not have been in love with her at that moment like I was sure I fucking was now, but god damnit, at least she would have known I felt _something _for her ass.

By the time evening hours rolled in, I'd run out of ideas on where she could have possibly fucking gone. I'd made at least twenty goddamn loops through every area of the city I could think of, drove by the diner more times than I could count in hopes of spotting her inside with Oma to no fucking avail each time, and was at my goddamn breaking point with not being able to reach her on her phone. I couldn't fucking take it anymore, I needed to know what the fuck had happened last night. I needed to know what the hell had been said that was so goddamn bad I'd walked into a fucking psycho showdown. I needed to know what the fuck made her run...so I called Alice.

"What the fuck happened last night?" I barked when she answered.

"Well hello to you too asshole," she snapped. I had no patience for her shit in the condition I was in.

"Bella's fucking gone...I need to know what the fuck happened last night. _Now _Alice," I demanded with a growl.

"She's probably with Oma or some shit," she shot back, sounding as if she couldn't give a shit less in the goddamn world.

"She's not with Oma! I've been by there a dozen goddamn times! She fucking bolted in the middle of the night and all she left as a fucking note that said absolute jack fucking shit. Quit beating around the bush and tell me what fucking happened already," I roared, pressing down on the gas pedal even harder.

Out of everything that spewed out of that little shit's mouth, I caught precisely two goddamn things. Jasper blamed her for everything in their lives when she caught him snorting coke, and he had fucking outed me as a goddamn drug dealer. She knew the fucking truth about me and ran...just like I thought she would.

"Fucking motherfucker!" I screamed as I smashed my phone into the dashboard. It scattered to the floor of the car in multiple pieces as I continued to punch the dash and steering wheel, tearing through the city streets at breakneck speeds. I was gonna _kill_ that piece of shit.

It took me all of two and a half minutes to come screeching to a halt in Garrett's apartment building complex. I tossed my bag from the passenger seat to the fucking floor before jumping out of the car and locking it as I booked for the stairwell. How I even fucking made it into his apartment when I couldn't see shit through the red haze of my fury is a goddamn unsolved mystery.

"You fucking worthless piece of shit!" I roared as I charged Jasper's ass, ramming my shoulder into his chest and knocking him clear into the wall.

"EDWARD!" Alice screeched, jumping on me as I stalked toward him. "What the fuck are you doing?!"

"Get the fuck off me!" I roared, tossing her off and not giving a shit that she landed flat on her ass as I bent down and lifted him off the floor.

"She's fucking _gone_ and it's all your fucking fault," I snarled in his face as I slammed him against the wall again. He didn't have a chance to respond before I unleashed on him, snarling and growling incoherent bullshit as I threw fist after fist, easily breaking through his shitty attempts to block my hits. His grunts and howls of pain did absolute shit to stop me, if anything they fueled me on even fucking further.

"Garrett! Help!" I distantly heard Alice's tearful voice wail. It sounded like she was fucking miles away, echoing back into my hearing range through a tunnel as I lost myself in my rage.

With one clear shot to the corner of his eye, he went down like a sack of fucking bricks, slumping against the wall. I drew my leg back and got in two fucking shots, kicking the shit out of his stomach before Garrett and his brother managed to pull me off.

"Edward...dude, ease the fuck up! You're gonna fuckin' kill him man," Garrett yelled as I fought against them. I didn't want that motherfucker getting up off the floor..._ever_.

"She's better off..." Jasper paused as he spit out blood and tried to sit up. "Without you."

"You fucking cocksucking motherfucker! I've never done a goddamn thing to her! You did this shit! YOU!" I roared, feeling like my chest was going to rip apart with the hold they were keeping on me.

"You don't fucking get it do you? She's better off away from all this shit," he panted angrily, grimacing as Alice helped him off the floor. "Away from me...and _you_."

"Where the fuck is she gonna go asshole? She isn't _safe _out there on her own!" I yelled, straining with every ounce of effort to break free from Garrett and his brother who were both yelling at me repeatedly to settle down.

"She isn't safe _here_!" he belted out with a menacing laugh. "Why do you think I said what I did to her? It was the only way to get her to fucking go and never look back! Get it through your thick fucking head! She doesn't need us..._any_ of us!"

"You goddamn manipulative fuck," I growled, using every bit of my strength to finally break away and get in one last shot at his face, buckling him back down to the floor instantly before turning for the door.

"Get off me, Garrett. I'm fucking done," I huffed as I shook him off me and reached for the doorknob. I turned one last time and glared at the pair of fucktards on the floor, one scowling and the other looking horrified.

"If I don't find her...so help me God you better fucking run for your life," I spat at him and then slammed the door behind me on my way out.

I spent the entire fucking night searching abandoned buildings, figuring that's where she'd run off to, but finding nothing. It was fucking sick...seeing the way she'd lived before we'd met. Nasty ass fucking garbage everywhere, the places reeking of piss, vomit and who the fuck knows what else. Some of them were so goddamn dilapidated it was a fucking miracle they hadn't collapsed in on themselves.

With every step I took into those mostly deserted - aside from a few vagrant drunks passed out in stairwells or corners - places, Jasper's words of her not needing us echoed through my fucking mind. Deep down, I knew it was true, and just by looking around, I knew buildings like the ones I was searching were the last fucking place in the world she'd ever return to...but I kept fucking looking anyway.

Every building I walked into with a Maglite in hand, echoed with the sounds of my voice belting out her name. The only other sound within them that became familiar over the course of the night was the sound of goddamn rats scurrying every-motherfucking-where. Jesus Christ...those dumps made even Lauren's fucking toxic hazard zone shithole look like a goddamn oasis haven.

I continued to search throughout the night, checking every place I could think of where I'd seen homeless people taking shelter on goddamn freezing nights - all to no avail. Fuck, I'd even checked the goddamn bus station and one of the workers was all "You'll have to be more specific than that. Small brunette describes a lot of people that come in and out of here." Fucking sarcastic bitch.

The following day I checked precisely two fucking places. Kyle's place and Oma's diner...knowing she was supposed to work that day and she'd _never _just not fucking show up there without at least calling Oma...but she'd done just that. No call...no fucking show.

After stopping by Kyle's place one last fucking time, I aimlessly made my way back to _our_ park, back to the spot where I'd initially lost the battle of keeping her out. She'd broken through all my defenses that day, all my fucking guarded walls and falsities meant to keep people at arm's length. It felt like a lifetime ago that she'd ridden back to Jessica's on my back, with my fucking _bag _on hers. I should have known in that fucking instant that I was done for. I never stood a chance against her for a single second.

As I sat there on our bench, I kept running through everything that had happened over the few days prior to my waking up to only a goddamn piece of paper basically telling me she'd fucking bailed out on me. I don't know why when the whole goddamn thing was hopeless, but I felt like I fucking needed something to stand out and tell me that her bolting in the middle of the night didn't have anything to fucking do with _me_...that I hadn't fucking lost her permanently. I just needed fucking _something_ to tell me that she'd come back to me...but there was nothing. Goddamn motherfucking _nothing_.

As the daylight faded once again into dark night, taking with it the small bit of warmth it provided and the last of my goddamn hope, I stopped contemplating whether fucking telling her the truth outright in the beginning would have changed a single goddamn thing...whether it would have granted me the opportunity to fucking tell her how much I goddamn loved her...and lifted myself off the bench.

"Fuck this shit," I muttered to no one, looking around at the park that looked about as desolate and deserted as I fucking felt, and turned to make my way back to my car.

I checked my pager one last time, making sure I hadn't missed anything from the only few people I could think of to ask to get a hold of me if they heard word from her, Kyle and Mandy, Oma and Poppop, and Jessica...which was a fucking long shot but a very _small _possibility. There was nothing...just a bunch of pages from assholes looking for drugs.

Just fucking numbers that marked me as the one thing that had been too much for her to accept. The _one_ fucking thing about me that was, and had always been, a goddamn lie. It had never been who I was, who I really fucking was inside. The _only _fucking person that had ever seen the _real_ me in the last decade had been her...and she'd never know it. The only truth she'd ever be fully aware of is the goddamn lies I had told.

I turned my pager off and tossed it into the back seat before turning the car on and heading in the one direction no one would ever know to look for me. The only one who'd be able to eventually figure it out would be Alice, and after today, I highly doubted she'd be looking for me any time soon.

As I drove, it dawned on me just how precarious a role honesty has played in my fucking life. It had been lies that had torn me apart as a kid, and lies that had pushed away the one good fucking thing that had ever happened to me, but over the last two years, it had been an even balance of honesty and deceit that had kept my ass from rotting away six feet under.

It's like the goddamn force behind the motion of a pendulum, one wrong fucking move, one fucking slip of truth when you should lie your ass off for all your worth, or one hint of deceit when the moment calls for brutal honesty, and it's all fucking over. I'd been able to navigate that treacherously thin line like a goddamn pro when it came running the streets, but neither myself, nor my dickhead father, had been able to successfully navigate that shit when it came to the ones we love the most. Just one more fucking display of the goddamn similarities between us.

When it comes to the shit that matters most in life, we are both...fucking failures.

Forty minutes later I parked my car in the furthest edge of the lot, the trees and bushes on the opposite side of the fence obscuring it from view on the street and the massive broken down truck that had been in the lot for ages concealing it from the opposite side and locked it up tight before walking away from it. I made my way up the two part stairwell to the second floor and rapped lightly on the door, hoping there'd be only one person on the other side, the other long gone and where she was meant to be all along.

"Dude I swear you got ESP or some shit...I was _just _about to page your ass," Drew laughed as he opened the door and spotted me.

"Shannon gone?" I asked, bumping the fist he held out to me.

"Yeah...last I heard she and the girls were in like Pennsylvania or some shit," he said as he stepped to the side to let me in.

"Good...cuz I got a bag full of shit and a fucking memory of a shitty life to erase...you in?" I asked, shoving my bag in his chest.

"How mindfucked are you talkin here bro? Cuz I might need to make a few calls," he chuckled.

"Completely. Make your calls...I don't give a shit," I grumbled, and with that the door shut behind me, closing us into our own little fucking island in the Universe of Fucking Stupid.

With any luck it'll be a one way fucking ticket this goddamn time around.

* * *

_?POV_

"_Word on the street is Cullen's off the grid," the caller stated, wary of his boss's response the recent development. "Your don't think he's on the run do you?"_

"_No." he scoffed shaking his head. "If someone tipped him off he wouldn't have left his sister behind." Of this he was certain._

"_We may have to shake down his shadow for his whereabouts," the called suggested._

"_Follow him and keep me posted," he answered. Losing track of the shadow was out of the question at this point in the game. "Tell everyone to be ready to move quickly. If Cullen does decide to fly the coop his shadow will be sure to follow."_

"_Damn this kid's playing with fire," the caller noted._

"_They all are."_


	20. Chapter 19

**A/N****: **

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

BPOV

"I told you I don't know where Edward is. I haven't talked to him all day," Kyle told me for the umpteenth time in the same damn ridiculous monotone voice. I don't know what the hell all happened while I was in Forks, but Kyle sure as shit didn't trust me for anything. I'm surprised he even opened the door when I knocked for all the help he was giving me.

"Kyle, just fucking stop it. You know more than you're saying. Tell me where Edward is," I glared back at him blinking back my tears for frustration. I'd spent the entire day jumping from bus to bus trying my damnedest to get back to town as quickly as possible, and here he was acting like he barely even knew me.

"Why should I Bella. You're the one that disappeared without so much as a phone call," he snipped condescendingly narrowing his eyes at me. "Why don't you explain to me what the hell happened to make you leave, and then maybe I'll think about answering your questions."

"That's not true. I left Edward a note," I responded, cringing when I thought about the vague note I'd left for him on the nightstand.

Kyle scoffed in response. "Must have been some fucking note then because he went completely _apeshit _the morning you left. I've never seen Edward lose his fuckin' cool before so why don't you do a little rewind for me and tell me what the _fuck_ happened that night," He seethed clenching his jaw. I'd barely said five words to Kyle before tonight, and if it weren't for the fact that I knew how close he was with Edward, he would have scared the shit out of me. "You better start talking Bella, because as far as I'm concerned, I don't owe you _shit_ for answers about Edward."

One thing was for damn sure, and that's that Kyle is one hell of a friend to Edward. As much as I hated him for acting that way, I also had to respect the hell out of him for doing so.

"Thursday night I walked in on Jasper and Alice snorting coke. We got in a huge fight. It started with me decking Jasper, and ended with Alice and I rolling around on the floor trying to beat the shit out of each other. Oh, and I'm nearly forgetting the highlight of the night….apparently both Jasper and Edward are _drug dealers_,and _everyone_ has been _lying_ to me about it," I sneered looking directly at Kyle's face for a reaction. I knew damn well by that point that Kyle and Mandy were included in the list of people that had lied to me. "So I ran. Fucking sue me."

His eyes were tight and guarded. His jaw clenched in an effort to not reveal his emotions behind his mask. His nostrils flared as he drew in a long breath. He didn't move or speak, probably calculating how to respond to my tirade which pissed me off something fierce.

"I don't understand why everyone is so intent on keeping this shit from me like it's some _big_ secret," I yelled, waiving my hands around like a lunatic because I was beyond fed up with all of the lies and secrecy. "Jasper showed me his bag and all the drugs he was carrying around in it. I'm not stupid so stop pretending like something you do or say is going to change my mind. I _know _he's a dealer Kyle so drop the act and answer the damn question. Where's Edward?"

Several silent minutes passed as Kyle paced in front of me. Apparently he was one of those 'move while you think' people. As much as I just wanted jump into his path, grab him by his shoulders, and shake him until he blurted out what he knew about Edward, I forced myself to hold back. Pissing him off even further wasn't going to get me anywhere.

Finally he came to a stop in front of me. "Look Bella, maybe I've been a little hard on you about the whole running away thing. I'm sorry. It's just…" he paused, groaning as if it pained him to explain anything further. He cleared his throat once again, shaking his head as if trying to clear it of something. "You leaving like that…it really did a number on him."

I nodded and swallowed hard before responding. "It's okay Kyle. I get it," I replied, offering a shrug and a smile of sorts in understanding.

"No, I'm not sure you really do. Come on inside," he offered, holding the door open for me as he nodded his head in the direction of the living room. "We need to talk."

As it turns out, all of my worst fears were confirmed…and then some.

Not only was Edward not taking my calls, but he wasn't taking any one else's either. The last time anyone had seen him was when he had come by the apartment Friday morning acting eerily calm and simply asking if I'd been there.

The calm before the storm, according to Kyle.

The fact that Edward had stopped answering his pager is what had him so on edge. Before I came on the scene Edward had always been a pretty mysterious guy, hopping from place to place, never spending more than a night or two before moving on. It wasn't unusual for Kyle to not hear from him for weeks only to have him suddenly show up at their door for another few days visit, but in all that time not once would Edward _ever_ ignore a page. He'd always gotten back to him within the hour. For Edward to be ignoring not only Kyle's page, but the page of every single one of his customers as well…that could only mean one thing.

Kyle never actually came right out and said it, but it was obvious what he was implying. Edward had disappeared with a bag full of drugs. He was going on a binge.

A drug binge with drugs that belonged to his boss.

A boss he would eventually have to pay back, one way or another.

It was obvious we needed to find him and find him fast.

We spent the remainder of the evening going over names and numbers of every person we knew on the scene, separating them into two different lists. One list of people that could be kept up with on solely phone calls, and the other list for people who we'd have to track down in person. Not everyone was very forthcoming in admitting that they knew Edward so face to face contact might be the only way to get any possible information out of them. Also, there were several people I had met during our many stops that Kyle and Mandy weren't familiar with so that gave us something more to go on as well.

A few hours later we had a plan.

Kyle couldn't afford to take time off of work so he was in charge of keeping up on the phone calls whenever he could fit them in during his work breaks.

During the day, Mandy and I would be taking the car and driving around town, physically looking for him at all of the places on the list as well as any local hang outs he typically frequented. As for the people on my list, I didn't know any direct addresses but I would be able to recognize general neighborhoods so we would just have to drive around town until something I saw clicked. We would also try to stop by the places of anyone on Kyle's list that he couldn't reach by phone.

Sadly the first name on _that_ list was Alice. You would think with the news of the disappearance of her own brother that she could find it within herself to actually give a shit and help us look for him. Or at the very least at return a phone call. But no. Apparently that was too much to ask of a coke addict.

Jessica had been the one to inform Kyle of Alice and Jasper's whereabouts. Apparently they were going to be crashing with her indefinitely, having worked out some sort of a "deal" with Jasper. There was no question as to what kind of a _deal_ they were referring to.

At night, we would have to start working the party scenes. Kyle seemed hopeful that, at some point, Edward would show up to one of them, but if not, it at least gave us the ability to find out if any of the people there had either seen or heard from him recently. I really wasn't looking forward to being in those kinds of environments again, especially not after the things I'd seen at Felix's place, but if it got us any closer to finding Edward...it'd be worth it. Someone, somewhere, had to know _something_ for crying out loud.

As much as I didn't want to face Jasper, I knew the best place to start in the morning would be to stop by Jessica's. Kyle said that based on Edward's swollen bloody knuckles when he'd knocked on the door that he'd obviously been in a fight. It had to have been with Jasper which meant that he most likely knew or was the cause of what made Edward run. I just prayed that I would be able to get the information we needed out of him without losing it on him all over again.

By the time we finished discussing our plans it was getting pretty late so I gave Mandy one last hug before heading down the hall toward the guest room.

I dolefully crawled into the same bed that I'd vacated not seventy-two hours ago. So much had had changed since then. More than anything I wished I was crawling back into bed beside him. I never should have ignored him. And I most definitely shouldn't have left him.

I grabbed the pillow that laid on his side of the bed, pulled it to my chest, and inhaled. _I could still smell him_. His scent gave me hope. Hope that I would find him before it was too late.

I couldn't live with myself if something happened to him.

If I was being completely honest with myself it wasn't just that. I couldn't live without him, period.

I couldn't believe that I hadn't realized the depths of my feelings for Edward until just then. But apparently I'm an idiot, and it took a catastrophe like losing him completely before my stupid ass could wrap my head around the fact that I was completely in love with him. I had been for a while. That special connection I'd always felt but never had a word for? It was love. I'd been falling in love with him all along and never knew it.

_God I'm such an nitwit._

Tomorrow I was going find him. When I did, I was going to tell him how I felt, and maybe - just maybe - he might feel it too.

I woke early the next morning to a knock on the door. Mandy was taking Kyle to work so we could have the car for the day and would be back within the hour to pick me up. I stumbled into the bathroom, stretching my arms painfully over my head. Every muscle in my body was stiff and sore. I took a long shower, allowing the heat of the water the opportunity to sooth my weary muscles.

Mandy had left a clean set of clothes on the guest bed for me to borrow since my bag was still back at Garrett's place, or at least I hoped it still would be there. By the time I had my shoe laces tied, Mandy was pulling back into the parking lot. I quickly locked the door behind me before running down the steps and hopping into the car beside her.

Mandy mentioned Kyle hadn't had any more luck with his phone calls, but other than that she remained quite on the drive over. I was grateful for the lack of mindless chit chat because I was so high strung at that point, I probably would have ended up snapping at her.

My leg was bouncing a mile a minute while my fingers drummed on the arm rest beside me. I nibbled on the skin of my lower lip, not caring if it was chapped or bleeding. I wanted to do something, _anything_ to speed up the process to get us to the end result of finding him.

I glared at the speedometer, willing it to move up a bar knowing that would mean we would arrive at Jessica's faster, even if it was just by a few seconds or minutes at most. To my surprise the needle moved from 45 up over 50. I raised a brow at Mandy beside me, but her eyes were locked on the road . However, when her hand reached over the middle console to grab a hold of mine, I knew the change in speed was for my benefit. I couldn't help but smile a little before staring back out the window beside me, continuing my search for that shiny silver Volvo that carried a piece of my heart.

When we pulled up at Jess's house it was only a little after eight o'clock in the morning. I really shouldn't have been surprised that there were still people milling about inside. When I heard the steady beat of the stereo pounding as I walked up the porch steps, I decided to not even bother knocking on the door. I waltzed right in.

Sure enough there were people sitting around the couches, cards laid out on the coffee table between them. Imagine my surprise when I saw Jasper with a joint between his lips as he dealt out what looked to be the next round in a game of blackjack…or should I say _his_ surprise.

When his eyes locked with mine the joint slipped out from between his lips and landed on the table below him. He didn't even notice as he stood up and awkwardly brushed at his clothing before climbing over the table, couch, and random bodies on the floor to meet me in the foyer.

I gasped at the sight in front of me. Now that Jasper had moved into the daylight, I could clearly make out several, greenish, yellowing bruises that littered his face. His nose was swollen with dark purple bruising under his eyes, an obvious sign of it having been broken not long ago. I was right about a fight with Edward, that was for damn sure.

He made a point of leaning around me to look out the door behind me, looking for the source of my transportation no doubt, before settling in front of me.

"What brings you back around, _Bella_?" he sneered crossing his arms across his chest glaring down at me. Obviously our time apart hadn't done a thing towards mending our relationship.

"What the fuck happened to your face _Jasper_?" I growled back, not the least bit intimidated. I refused to let him bully me today. I wanted answers, and he was going to give them to me.

His hand raised to his jaw, rubbing mindlessly along his scruffy chin as he stared me down, refusing to answer my question just as I had his. After several moments of silence he finally broke.

"What the fuck are you even doing here Bella? Shouldn't you be off _living the good life _with Oma or some shit?" he scoffed, waving his hand aimlessly above him. I knew right then and there that I had him. Not only did he just allude to the fact that he _knew_ I wasn't with Edward any longer, but also the random hand gestures while talking was a huge signal of discomfort for Jasper. _He had something to hide. _I ignored his question completely and started in on my own.

"Why do you look like you got the ever living shit beat out of you Jasper? Trouble in paradise already or a drug deal gone sour?" I asked, a small smile playing on my lips. I had learned a very valuable lesson three nights before. Pissed off Jasper tends to run his mouth.

"Business is booming, thanks for asking," he smirked sarcastically, amusement dancing behind his eyes. Now that response I couldn't figure out…what was that supposed to mean? Why would he be entertained…_oh fuck_.

Edward hadn't been answering his pager, so obviously sales would be up for Jasper. His arrogance and obvious enjoyment of that fact made bile raise in my throat. I quickly swallowed it, refusing to let him get the upper hand.

"Is there something else you wanted before you high tail it back to the other side of the tracks?" he asked sweetly, tilting his head to the side, even throwing in a smile for my added discomfort.

He fucking _knew_ something had happened to Edward. It was obvious that shit had gone down between the two of them, and I wanted to know what. Unfortunately he also seemed to be fully aware of the fact that I was no longer with Edward and was clearly more than pleased with that revelation.

"What the _fuck_ did you say to him Jazz?" I sputtered through clenched teeth. I was going to _kill_ him…after he answered me. I needed any bit of information I could get. I didn't have a leg to stand on when it came to theories of where Edward might have disappeared to. I needed him, damn it all.

"What's wrong Bells? Trouble in paradise?" he asked mimicking my light tone from earlier before his eyes darkened, narrowing dangerously in my direction. "I told you the fuckhead was no good for you weeks ago, but you just didn't want to listen, did ya," he scolded me as if I were a child. This overprotective big brother shit was way out of hand.

"God damn it! Tell me what the hell you said to make him leave," I screamed, no longer able to control the emotion behind my voice. He was getting some sort of sick pleasure of breaking Edward and I up, and it was pissing me the fuck off.

_Fucker. God, if I didn't know any better I would have said he planned this shit. In fact, I _didn't_ know him anymore…_

"You sick fuck…you planned this shit, didn't you? You brought up all that shit about our childhood and Charlie, then threw the drugs in my face _knowing_ I would run didn't you? You bastard!" I shrieked slapping him across the face, not feeling the slightest bit amount of remorse when I saw my red handprint atop his already bruised cheek. I shook my hand at my side, painful tingles prickling my palm from the force of the hit, resisting the urge to hit him over and over again.

"Fuck Bella! Stop being a stupid bitch for like five seconds, would ya? Lay off the face," he groused, grimacing as he lightly prodding at the apple of his cheek which was already starting to swell. It would leave a fresh bruise no doubt.

"You fucking deserved it asshole. How could you? What did _he_ ever…what did _I_ ever do to piss you off so fucking bad to deserve this?" I choked out, trying desperately to hold onto my rage, knowing all that laid beneath it was a heart wrenching sob threatening to break through. He hadn't admitted to anything, but the fact that he didn't deny having planned it spoke volumes. I couldn't believe that after eight fucking years this is what my friendship with Jasper had come down to.

"This isn't about him," he laughed humorlessly, shaking his head as a sneer made it's way across his face. "I couldn't give a flying fuck about him - douchbag deserved to have his heart trampled on when you walked out on him. _Good riddance fucker_," he snarled as if remembering having said the same words once before, his obvious hatred for Edward coming through in his voice.

"I saw the game he was playing on you. He was getting to you_ - _him and his fucking sad story of daddy didn't love me. He doesn't know _shit_ about unloving parents…" he trailed off, his bloodshot eyes momentarily wandering off towards the corner of the wall behind me before they suddenly snapped back to mine, his hardened mask back in place "I had to put a stop to that shit. He didn't even deserve to breath the same fucking air as you. You're better than him Bella. You're better than all of us. Better than this whole fucked up world."

"You think this is what I wanted for you," he mused spreading his arms wide on either side of him. "To live in a sick, twisted world revolving around nothing except for booze, drugs, and sex? To live day to day where the only thought to cross your brain is where's the next party at? Fuck that shit, you were better off on the streets," he spat, slowly closing the distance between us, lowering his head so he could look me in the eye before he started to speak again.

"You don't fucking belong here. I did what I had to do to make sure that fucker didn't have a chance to sink his claws into you and drag you under along with him," he growled, placing an arm on my shoulder and shoving me towards the door.

"Leave Bella," he hissed in my ear from behind me. "Get the fuck out of here. Forget about me, and forget you ever met a boy named Edward."

_How fucking DARE he…_

I spun on my heel, whirling back around to face him, and slammed my palm against the door before he could close it.

I allowed myself one last look right into his pathetic dilated, bloodshot eyes. There wasn't a trace of hazel left in them, just as there was no longer a trace left of my best friend in the man that stood before me.

"You know what..._fuck you_. I'm _going_ to find him, and then we are going to get out of this shithole _together _while you rot away in it. Go to hell Jasper." I growled my parting words before storming off down the porch steps.

I meant what I said to him. I wasn't giving up on Edward. If I had to search every inch of the city, country, or world for him...I would.

What started out feeling like it would take an eternity, ended up taking exactly eight days and thirteen hours. That's when Kyle came storming into the apartment and said "Bella, get your coat and sneakers...I know where Edward is."

* * *

_?POV_

"_Tell me you have something for me," he growled into the receiver. The reports thus far had been less than satisfactory._

"_Still no sign of Cullen. _Nobody's_ seen him for over a fucking week," the caller spat through clenched teeth. He was damn good at his job, but this boy was impossible to find._

"_Someone has to know something! Do what you're goddamn paid to do!" he bellowed, slamming his fist down onto his desk. His patience with the man's obvious incompetence was wearing thin._

"_Chill...we'll find him," he answered defensively upon hearing the raw fury in his boss's voice. Being on the boss's shit list was not a place you wanted to be. "Besides, Jay's been keepin' tabs on the sidekick."_

"_Well he damn well better be," he sneered, wondering if this man was really worth all money he was paying him. "What's the status of the sidekick?"_

"_Laying low but still active and accounted for." Thank god for that. If they'd lost track them both, heads would roll._

"_Tell Jay to up the surveillance, he may lead us to our missing boy." After all, they'd never been apart for long before._


	21. Chapter 20

**A/N:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

BPOV

"Bella, get your coat and sneakers...I know where Edward is."

My head snapped up off the bed to find Kyle leaning around the door into my room. His expression left me questioning nothing. I had heard him correctly…._he knows where Edward is_.

I scrambled across the room and shoved my feet into my shoes, not even bothering to tie the laces, before grabbing my jacket off the chair in the corner of the room. I flew down the hall into the living room only to find it empty. I turned on my heel heading back towards the other bedroom only to run smack dab into Mandy- who was rounding the corner hopping on one leg trying to wiggle her foot into her shoe. We stumbled into the wall behind her, laughing breathlessly as we awkwardly clung to one another trying to keep each other from falling over.

Once Mandy was steadily back on both of her feet she threw me a reassuring smile before grabbing a hold of my hand and pulling me towards the apartment door behind her.

This was it. This was really it.

After nine days of complete and utter chaos filled never-ending anxiety and tears we had finally found him.

We sprinted down the steps taking two or three at a time to find Kyle already pulled up along side the curb waiting for us. I threw myself into the back seat of the car, knocking my head on the roof of the car in the process. Kyle's lips twitched upwards as his eyes caught mine in the rearview mirror. His eyes reflecting the same emotions I'm sure were swimming in my own…excitement, fear, and a bit of uncertainty. Finding Edward had been our primary concern, but it didn't necessarily mean we were out of the woods just yet.

Locating him was one thing…convincing him to leave with us would another battle altogether.

Kyle had warned me throughout the week that when we did finally track him down, I should be prepared for the worst. The horrendous images from that appalling night at Felix's place had come to mind, leaving me hoping beyond anything else that _that_ was not the sort of thing to which he was inferring. Just thinking about it again had made me shuddering. When I asked what exactly he meant by what he had said, he refused to expand on it. I was getting to know Kyle well enough by this point to know what his dodging questions meant. It meant that the answer would be revealing something he felt Edward himself should be the one to tell me.

Apparently Edward had a whole stockpile of skeletons in his closet just waiting to be discovered…

Looking at the clenched jaw and anxious eyes currently reflected in the rearview mirror, I knew the images in my head were probably closer to the truth than I cared to admit at this point. I felt traitorous even imagining Edward in a similar state to _those_ people. Edward didn't use drugs. We had spent every single day together for the past two and a half months and not once had I even seen him drunk, let alone high or anything else. He was clean, I was sure of it.

Yet I couldn't deny the truths I've been forced to acknowledge over the past week.

Whether I liked it or not, Edward was a drug dealer. If he wasn't currently partaking in his own goods, then he had to have done so at some point in his life to have led him down this path.

Edward had been gone for well over a week. He wasn't with me, Alice, Kyle, or any of the other people that he typically stayed with - I know, I'd called and stopped by all of them…multiple times. And we all knew he sure as shit hadn't gone back home to his parents. That only left one other option. His acquaintances…his _drug acquaintances_. The guys he sold to that, for one reason or another, he didn't actually befriend in some small way. If Felix was the type of guy who was still on his list of pseudo friends, then what type of person only falls under the category of an 'acquaintance'?

A shiver wound it's way down my spine at the thought. The first of many for the day, I'm sure.

Kyle's worried eyes met mine in the rearview mirror once again. I'm sure the ever present wash of panic was evident across my face. He quickly nudged Mandy beside him, and she immediately turned around in her seat to face me, reaching out to take my hand in her own.

My hands were cold and clammy, sure tell signs of exactly how much I was beginning to freak out. Mandy had grown accustomed to my mild panic attacks over the past week. The battle to fight them off was a daily occurrence whenever I lost myself inside my head worrying about Edward…which was exactly what I was currently doing.

I sighed, shaking my head at myself for having done it again. I mustered up a small smile and gave Mandy's hand a squeeze, expressing my gratitude for saving me from myself yet again.

I closed my eyes for the rest of the drive in an attempt to numb my brain. Walking into the place already in a panic wasn't going to help anything. I was preparing myself for the worst, but I needed to remain calm and collected going in if I was going to pull this off. Now was not the time to lose myself. I had to hold it together for him.

Forty minutes later we pulled into the parking lot of an apartment complex. Looking around I noticed that is was nicer than would I have expected. It was still pretty old, like many of the lower income apartment buildings I'd seen, but nowhere near as rundown as many of the ones we'd frequented. And it _definitely_ wasn't anywhere close to the disgusting shithole Felix lived in. That place made your skin crawl just looking at it. This place was…decent. It had little balconies that hung over a center courtyard where there was picnic tables scattered around a old wooden playground. Not too shabby really. Maybe I had psyched myself out…

Kyle slowly drove through the parking lot, scanning both sides. I was about to ask him what it was that he was looking for, considering the building numbers were boldly written across each of the entrance doors, when my eyes fell upon something I'd dreamt of seeing every night for the past week.

Edward's shiny silver Volvo.

It was parked at the furthest end of the of the parking lot, tucked between a huge rusty broken down truck and the overgrown weed and shrubbery fence that blocked it from view from the road we had driven in on.

Tears sprung to my eyes seeing it there, completely unscathed and looking just the same as it had the last time I'd seen it. I wished beyond anything else that the owner of that vehicle would be found in the exact same condition. I sniffled, blinking rapidly and trying to regain control over myself.

Calm. Collected.

I had to have my guard up or I'd be sure to fall apart.

The slamming of Kyle's car alerted me to the fact that we were on the move. I climbed out of the back seat, brushing out the wrinkles of my jeans in an effort to rid my palms of the sweat that had already began to collect there.

"I'll be waiting for the two of you out here. It's just easier that way," Mandy said softly, pulling me in for a quick hug. My arms wrapped loosely around her, still desperately trying to build my wall of defense back up.

"You can do this Bella," she whispered reassuringly in my ear. "Go in there and get your man. It's time to bring Edward home." I pulled in a deep breath hugging her tighter against me, thankful for her words of support. They were just the extra boost I needed.

I pulled away from her, this time holding my head high as I squared my shoulders and turned around to join Kyle who was waiting for me on the sidewalk. He held his hand out to me, giving it a firm squeeze before leading me down the sidewalk and up the stairs to the second story.

We came to a stop directly in front of apartment 228, a grungy washed out doormat adorned with happy little floppy eared Easter bunnies, complete with a giant rainbow and even a baby bird's nest, welcomed me to the…O'Connell's…O'Conner's? It was worn out and dirt encrusted to the point where most of the letters were missing and the little family of bunnies were smudged into blobs of grey and brown.

But seriously…a freakin' Easter welcome mat? Easter was months ago people. No wonder I couldn't make out their last name. Not that having the last name of the people Edward had holed himself up with for the past two weeks really meant something to me in the long run. I was here to get Edward, not make new friends. Though it did look like there was a family of bunnies. A momma, a poppa with a top hat, and two little baby bunnies. A whole family.

_God…what the hell is wrong with me? Of all the things to sit here and ponder about at a time like this here I am wondering about the faded family of Easter bunnies welcoming me to the door…_

Kyle must have rung the doorbell while I was staring at the freakin' doormat because I could hear footsteps approaching from the other side. I stood up straight and steadied myself, preparing for whatever might lay beyond the door in front of me.

The door whipped open to reveal a tall, lanky, middle aged man. He was so skinny that his bones jutted out a odd angles as he leaned himself up against the door frame. He seemed put together enough. He appeared to be freshly shaved and showered, and his clothes were in decent enough shape. His eyes openly roamed my body, stopping to study my face intently for a few moments longer than comfortable before finally moving them to meet my eyes. My face flushed under his scrutiny even though I'd been studying him in the exact same manner moments before.

Upon seeing my blush his lips pulled upwards into a smirk as he glanced back over his shoulder before turning his attention back towards me once again.

"You've gotta be the fucking infamous Bella," he quipped, raising his brow at me while his eyes darted from my own over to my cheeks and then back again.

My eyes widened in surprise upon hear my name fall from his lips without having even given it to him. I'd never met this man before in my life, and yet, he somehow knew my name after five seconds of having seen me.

"I'm Drew...Captain of this here vessel. Come on in," he said, shoving the door all the way open with his foot, motioning with his hand for us to enter.

I leaned into Kyle, nudging him with my elbow to go first because honestly this guy freaked me the hell out. _Captain of this vessel? What the hell…_

His eyes were identical to the tweaked out crazy people I had encountered plenty of times before - all red and bloodshot with the pupils dilated so wide you couldn't make out the actual color of the iris. But the thing that really threw me about this guy is the fact that he acted completely normal. He was calm. All of his movements were slow and smooth rather than all spastic and jittery like I'd come to expect when someone's eyes looked that way. The fact that he was so in control of himself when his eyes looked the way they did scared the bejesus out of me.

I followed closely behind Kyle reaching out to grab the back of his shirt for fear that he might get more than a single step ahead of me. I stared down at my feet as I shuffled my way across the linoleum, only lifting my eyes to look around when we came to a suddenly stop at the edge of the living room. I leaned my head around Kyle's shoulder curious as to what brought him to such an abrupt halt.

The entire room before him was littered with crushed beer cans. They were on the couches, the tables, the entertainment center…not to mention the piles kicked to the corners of the room. A nearly full case of beer was sitting at the edge of the couch, the cans just waiting to be added to the others garnishing the living room.

The coffee table in the center of the room looked like a drug addict's very own little work bench. A mirror broken framing laid on top of the table, white dust scattered across the surface of it while two razor blades laid in the center, pushing together a forgotten line of coke. Off to the side of that were a couple of beer cans, their middles flattened with what looked like charred tiny holes in the middle of the flat part. My brow furrowed as I stared at it, trying to figure out what the hell they'd use that for.

"Uh...it's a makeshift crack pipe. They either do that or poke a hole in the bottom of the can and set the rock in...ya know what...never mind. It doesn't fucking matter what they were using it for," Kyle started to explain in whispers as he caught me staring at it but cut himself off. Hell, I hadn't needed anything more than crackpipe for an explanation to know it wasn't fucking good.

I just nodded and took in the rest of the table. In the very center of it, there was a _lazy__susan_ of all things - I swear to God...I couldn't make this shit up if I tried - with little containers filled with all sorts of various drugs. Drew must have thought it was the funniest thing in the world when he saw me gaping at it because he gave it a little whirl for added effect.

"Can I offer you some herbal refreshments?" he chuckled and my eyes went wide as I tried to hide behind Kyle again.

"This guy's off his fucking rocker," Kyle muttered, shaking his head and putting his arm out as if to push me even further behind him.

"Look, dude. We only came for Edward. I know he's here. Where's he at so we can be on our way?" Kyle asked, sounding like he wanted to get the hell out of this place just as much as I did.

In an instant everything about Kyle's demeanor changed. Where he'd been relaxed and just sounded irritated before, his entire body tensed in front of me and his next words came out sounding like he was ready to spew fire.

"Were you stupid shits doing heroin?! You fucking motherfucker…if he has one goddamn trackmark on his fucking arm...I'll fucking bury you!"

That's when I spotted them...the used and discarded syringes right next to the burnt spoons sitting on the end table.

_Oh God...please tell me he didn't..._

I was standing there, frozen stupid in horror at the sight in front of me. Out of all the places we had visited or stayed, the only freakin place' that had _that _shit was Felix's. It scared the shit out of me then and seeing it again in front of me, at the place where Edward had been staying for the last week, left me breathless all over again. I don't think I'd ever be okay with seeing used syringes tossed haphazardly around the house, but to even consider the fact that Edward could have been the one injecting himself with heroin of all fucking things…

I was surprised to find myself still standing by this point because I was sure my knees would have given out beneath me by now. I forced my gaze away from the coffee table and over towards Drew who was answering Kyle as if needles just laying around was common place and no a big deal.

_Nope, not a big deal at all…_

"He's in the bathroom...was just gettin' out of the shower when you guys showed up," Drew responded, shrugging as though answering Kyle's question by saying 'Yeah? So the fuck what?' The words had barely left his mouth when Kyle suddenly moved from in front of me and took off down the hallway.

He didn't even stop to knock on the door, instead, just barging it open and dragging Edward by the arm straight out into the brightly lit hallway.

He looked stunned and confused for a moment as he looked at Kyle, almost as if he was trying to figure out who the hell Kyle was, his wild eyes darting between Kyle's face and his own arms that were being inspected vigorously. And then...recognition flashed in his eyes and within moments, he had Kyle pressed aggressively against the wall, his arm across Kyle's throat.

I couldn't do a damn thing but look on helplessly, unsure if he would even recognize me in his state of mind. He was wild...untamed and borderline crazed. If it weren't for his familiar features and uniquely colored hair...I wouldn't have recognized the man standing just feet from me.

Physically, the differences were few but instantly identifiable. He had obviously lost some weight, making his muscles that much more defined. As if he was carved from stone with harshly cut lines instead of the smooth and subtly hinting lines I'd been accustomed to seeing. His face, along with the rest of his body, was beginning to look gaunt, the bags under his eyes more prominent than ever. And his skin…his skin was well beyond his usual mild pallor. It looked nearly _gray_ in color...something you'd expect to see on a corpse - not a living, breathing human being.

It was the untamed brutal rage in his eyes as he glared at the only person I could legitimately claim was his best friend that was unnerving. Even while fighting with Jasper - who I had no doubt in my mind he loathed - he'd never possessed that degree of unbridled hate. In that moment...he wasn't looking at his best friend, he was looking at his mortal enemy.

It scared the shit out of me. _He_ scared the shit out of me.

"Who the _fuck_ do you think you are barging in here and putting your goddamn hands on me?" he seethed, his entire frame shaking as he pushed Kyle even further into the wall.

The sound of his voice...I'd never heard anything like it from him before. It sounded demonic...like he'd been possessed or something, and it actually made me squeak in fear as I flinched away from the sound of it.

But then...it was as if the world shifted on its axis because that one little sound that escaped me made his gaze shoot to me. It was as if someone had drenched him with a bucket of ice cold holy water. The fire in his eyes extinguished instantly and his furious expression dwindled into one of disbelief and pure agony. His brow furrowed as he stared at me, his lips forming inaudible words as his arms fell away from Kyle.

I didn't know what the hell to think anymore. It was obvious he wasn't going to hurt me...at least I didn't think he would since he was no longer emanating wave upon wave of rage. I shifted in my spot uncomfortably, my fingers nervously fidgeting and picking at each other, unsure if I should attempt to approach him or not. I wanted nothing more than to run to him, but I was terrified that one false move would bring the possessed side of him forth again.

I aimlessly reached for him as a tear trailed down my face when he started shaking his head and staggering backwards, knocking into the door frame of the bathroom. It was like everything was happening in slow motion as he leaned forward and grasped onto the other side of the entrance to the small room and slid down it, half shielding himself behind the hallway wall as he sank down onto one leg, the other tucked to his chest.

His eyes had remained focused on mine the entire time...as if he were seeing a ghost, his lips silently mouthing my name over and over again.

I almost took a step toward him until his gaze suddenly shifted from me and back up to Kyle. It flickered back and forth a handful of times before the rage returned full force and he glared up at him.

"What the fuck were you thinking bringing _her_ here?!" he roared, launching himself away from the doorway and toward Kyle.

Before I could even comprehend what was happening, fists were flying and the two of them were bouncing back and forth between the hallway walls.

"Man this is some Jerry Springer type shit," that guy Drew laughed, as he watched on in rapt amusement while the two of them sparred and hollered at each other.

I couldn't even process what was happening anymore as I nearly ran to the edge of the hall. The only thought my brain could manage to form coherently was that this needed to stop. _Now_.

"Stop! Edward...please!" I wailed, my voice echoing within the tight corridor. And just like that he pushed Kyle away from him, making him stagger backwards toward me as he fought to maintain his balance and Edward turned his back to us.

He stood there, silent as a statue with his arms at his sides, hands repeatedly balling into fists and flexing, shaking from head to toe with effort to restrain himself.

"Get her out of here," he spoke after a series of silent moments, his voice dangerously low and forced through clenched teeth. Kyle took a step backwards and looked at me, but I shook my head.

I wasn't leaving...not without him. He'd kill himself if he stayed there...surrounded by all the crap that was making him act the way he was. In that moment, the completely useless realization that _all_ of Alice's instantaneous mood shifts were - without a doubt - drug induced, solidified in my mind. There was no longer a question about it in my mind now that I'd bared witness to the exact same type of behavior in Edward.

Completely useless because not only was it overwhelmingly heartbreaking to acknowledge, but it did me absolutely no good in terms of knowing how to get the three of us out of that damn apartment and as far away from it as we could get without Edward hurting either himself or one of us.

When he began to stretch his neck, rolling his head around in a slow circle as he loosened his shoulders, I _knew _he was about to do something drastic. Waves of uninhibited rage were still rolling off of his shaking form and his voice as he spoke sent a shiver of fear straight down my spine. "I said, get her the fuck _out of here_."

And then, in the blink of an eye, he spun and thrust not just his hand, but his _entire arm_ through the hallway wall.

"Edward, bro...I'm not saying this shit again. We're. Not. Leaving. Not without you, so man the fuck up and quit running from your fucking issues. If I have to hogtie your ass and drag you out of here kicking and screaming, I'll fucking do it. _Don't test me_," Kyle warned, squaring his shoulders and taking a step forward, bracing himself for another attack. "You're better than all this shit, man. Don't fucking do this to yourself."

The sound that emanated from Edward's throat brought tears to my eyes as he slowly withdrew his arm from the wall. It was a menacing laugh that was devoid of any degree of humor. It was the laugh of a broken man who had not a single hope or dream in the world.

Like he'd lost everything and was perfectly content withering away into nothing.

His head began to shake back and forth slowly as he braced both hands against the wall and leaned forward, dropping his head to the point his forehead knocked into it with a loud hollow _thump_ and a mix of a growl and groan escaped his lips.

"Edward..._please_. Just come with us," I begged tearfully, fully stepping out from where I'd half hidden behind Kyle.

When his head finally tilted in our direction, his empty eyes met mine and he turned as he slid down the wall, slumping to the floor with his legs drawn to his chest as Kyle took a few cautious steps toward him. His gaze, however, never veered from my eyes.

"Bella," he sighed, his eyes closing as he finally said my name aloud. "I can't...this isn't...I don't want you to see me like this. Please...I'm begging you. Please go."

"No!" I yelled, half angry and half desperate as I started stalking toward him, ready to shake the ever living hell out of him until I could make him understand I wasn't going anywhere…not without him.

Before I was even able to make it a full three steps, Kyle's arm shot out and wrapped around my torso as he spun to the side, nearly lifting me completely off the ground. I panicked when I saw the spark ignite in Edward's eyes again...only this time, it was a different fire. _This_ fire I'd seen before.

It had been in his eyes every time he'd ever gone into guardian warrior mode, ready and willing to protect me with his entire being.

Like some kind of friggen avenging angel, he slowly and fluidly rose from the floor as I struggled against Kyle's arm.

"Get your fucking hands _off_ of her," he growled menacingly.

Out of sheer desperation and fear of what he'd do, I broke my gaze away from Edward as he stood at his full height and took his first step toward us, and looked up at Kyle frantically.

"Lemme go," I hissed, pushing against him. "_Now_."

His arm instantly released me as his gaze drifted up and he caught the look in Edward's eyes as he slowly stalked toward us. I didn't know what else to do to keep Kyle out of his reach, so I shouldered him in the chest, knocking him backwards a few steps just as Edward's hand curled around my opposite wrist and yanked me straight into his chest. Instantly, his arms came around me, one around my shoulders as his other hand pressed my head against his chest, as if enclosing me within the protection of his wings.

That thought left me wondering if it wasn't _me_ who was the one that was currently shitfaced because the entire image of it in my head was nothing short of insane. Edward was high as a kite and here I was mentally associating him with a serene heavenly being incapable of any kind of violence.

There _had_ to be something still lingering in the stale air within the apartment.

"_No one_ fucking _manhandles_ her that way. If she wanted to come to me...she could," he growled again, stepping backwards and literally dragging me with him. I had no idea what Kyle was doing because I couldn't see him with the way Edward was holding me, but by the creaks in the wooden floor, it sounded as though he was shifting his footing anxiously.

"Dude...chill. I wasn't trying to hurt her. I just didn't want to risk _you_ hurting her," Kyle responded calmly, and I could almost picture him holding his hands up defensively.

"I'd _never_ fucking hurt her," he whispered gruffly, tightening his hold on me slightly as he, I swear to everything holy in this world, _nuzzled_ my hair. "Get out."

"You think I'm gonna fucking leave her here? With you and the _mad fucking hatter _in the living room back there? You're out of your fucking mind...seriously, you've flipped your goddamn lid," Kyle scoffed as Drew burst out laughing.

"_Mad Hatter_...I love it. '_Alice in Wonderland' _is a trip and a fucking half," he chortled, sounding like he was slapping his knee or something.

My Lord that man was one cherry frosted cupcake past certifiably crazy! If that comment wasn't insane enough, the one I'd almost missed about "_always wanting a porthole in his submarine_" when Edward punched a hole in the wall had definitely necessitated him a straight jacket...and preferably a padded cell.

"Bella...Bella...Bella," my name fell from his lips in a pleading whispered mantra. "Please don't leave me. Stay with me...always. Even if you're not real."

I wasn't sure what all he'd taken, but the fact that he seemed to think he might possibly be hallucinating terrified the living hell out of me. I needed to get him out of there, as soon as possible, because I feared if he took one more drug...his tentative grasp on reality would be lost.

"Edward...I'm here. I'm real and I'm not going anywhere without you. Come with me. I'll stay with you, but you need to come with me, okay?" I bargained with him calmly, tilting my head up to look at him as his grasp on me loosened to a gentle embrace.

"Kay," he whispered as he nodded and looked down at me and pouted. "I'll go wherever you do...just don't...don't ever leave me again."

"I won't...where's your stuff?" I asked, trying to ignore how desperate and anguished his expression was...on top of how lethargic and sedated he suddenly seemed.

"It's all gone," he suddenly burst out laughing maniacally. My eyes nearly bulged out of my head as I turned my head toward Kyle...whose eyes were in the same state mine were.

"You went through your _entire _fucking stash?!" he blurted, looking intensely horrified as Edward merrily nodded.

"And then some," he chuckled.

"Oh my fucking God...do you realize what you've done?!" Kyle yelled as he started pacing back and forth.

"Sure I do," Edward shrugged. "I partied in the Universe of Stupid with the King of Retarded."

At this, Drew laughed so hard he fell out of his chair...literally falling off his rocker.

"Okay...what do we do now?" I asked, looking only at Kyle and trying to remain calm. I wasn't sure what would arise from Edward wiping out his "stash", but from the way Kyle had reacted...I knew it couldn't be anything good.

All I knew was that I was quickly losing my sanity and was coming within a hair's breadth of falling apart completely. Between Edward's never ending rapid fluctuations in his moods and behaviors, Drew's blatant insanity, the violence, the shocking amount of drugs, and my own chaotic whirlwind of emotions...I was at my breaking point.

In fact, I was pretty damn sure I'd passed it shortly after walking through the door and had been dangling from a thread ever since.

And that thread was about to snap.

"You go with him to find a shirt. I'm going to find his bag and try to salvage what I can. Then we're getting the fuck out of here in the quickness," Kyle muttered and then instantly spun on his heel to begin his search.

I grabbed a hold of Edward's hand and led him back into the bathroom, figuring he'd left his shirt in there when he'd showered, and picked it up off the edge of the sink. I held it up for him and helped him into it as he wobbled slightly when blinded by the fabric. If it wasn't such a sad sight, I probably would have laughed because it seemed his balance while in an altered state of mind that would have most people staggering around all over the place, was only affected when he couldn't see.

When it was finally on and tugged into place, he looked at me sheepishly and shuffled his feet in spot, glancing between the floor and my face.

"What is it, Edward?" I asked, slightly huffy and irritated with my inability to keep up with his nauseatingly rapid shifts in behaviors. Standing in front of me in that moment, he looked like a five year old that had to pee. _Badly_.

Admittedly, I was afraid of what random statement would fly out of his mouth, because Edward sober said some off the wall shit. There was no telling what Edward blitzed out of his mind would say, and so help me God if he asked me to hold it for him, I'd whack him upside the head with the toilet plunger.

"I missed you," he whispered, looking down at the floor and pouting as his hand slowly reached out toward mine that was dangling lifelessly at my side and hesitantly touched my fingertips.

I breathed a sigh of relief and laced my fingers through his, squeezing tightly as my eyes closed. "I missed you too..._horribly_."

"Let's roll," Kyle said as he popped his head around the corner. I nodded to him and led Edward out of the bathroom and out of the apartment, barely acknowledging Drew as I pulled him behind me forcefully when he felt the need to stop and apologize for the wall as well as say his goodbyes.

Rude? Possibly so, but chances were that fucktard wouldn't even remember it in a few hours anyway. He'd probably wake up the following morning and see the hole and say something asinine like "_Whoa...cool I have a peephole in my spaceship. Wonder how that got there..._"

_Idiot..._

Kyle led us to Edward's Volvo, insisting that he would drive it back to their apartment because he didn't want Edward to ever have to return here, and told Mandy to take off ahead of us.

By the time we reached the car, Edward was literally crumbling in my arms - his body going slack beside me as more of his weight fell onto the arm wrapped around my shoulders. I turned to place my hand on his cheek, gently pulling his face to look at me, but I'm quite sure he wasn't seeing me or anything else around us. His eyes were blank, vacant of all signs of life or emotion, lost completely to the cocktail of drugs floating through his bloodstream.

I ended up having to climb into the back seat beside Edward because he refused to relinquish the hold he had on me. His mind may not have registered that I was there, but his body clung to me like a life preserver.

As soon as we were in motion, Edward curled into me, his chin coming to rest on my collarbone while his face pressed against my neck. His arm snaked around my waist clutching me as tightly against him as he could manage in the cramped quarters of the backseat. I raised my free hand to the back of his head, running my fingers along base of his neck up into his hair, hoping the motion would be soothing to him in some way.

"Jesus motherfucking Christ…a dream…not fucking possible…fuck Drew give me…she _left_…piece of shit…" I heard Edward mumbled shaking his head as his arm around me flexed before relaxing into me as he continued with his jibberish. "Fuck…feels good…hands...so goddamn tired."

I was clueless what to do to help him at this point. When Edward was overly stressed and exhausted he tended to say some of his thoughts out loud without even realizing he was doing so, but it was never to this extreme. He needed to sleep, that much was obvious with the bruised bags under his eyes, but I didn't know how to help him get there. I wasn't sure he eve _could_ sleep.

"Goddamn fucking soothing…"

Well, even if I couldn't lull him to sleep, at least my ministrations were helping so I continued, shifting our bodies so that his head fell into my lap. I wrapped my other arm around him, laying my hand flat against his chest and holding him tightly against me.

For some reason I felt that if I could keep a hold of him, keep him grounded, that somehow it would help him come back from wherever it was his mind had taken him. If nothing else, it served to keep _me_ grounded because that tiny little thread that was holding me together was beginning to fray. Feeling his touch, his warmth, his heartbeat beneath my palm were the only things keeping me from bursting into tears at this very moment.

_He's here - alive and in your arms_, I reminded myself over and over again as I gazed down at the broken man with his head in my lap, brushing a stray lock of hair off his forehead.

I thought he might have actually fallen asleep but then he suddenly tensed, calling out in a wild strangled voice, "WHO THE FUCK IS TOUCHING ME?!"

I flinched at the sudden outburst and did my best to hold back the cry that threatened to escape, not wanting to alarm him even further. I released the hold I had around him, but oddly enough, he never made a move to escape. Instead, he sat there wide eyed and frozen, staring at the back of the seat in front of him for several minutes while muttering something about "Lola" and "scuff marks" before he relaxed back into my lap.

Then he did the strangest thing…he turned to nuzzle - like literally freakin nuzzle, sniffing and all - my hand that had stilled on top of his head.

"Can smell her…sunshine and fabric softener…fruity ass strawberry…cover myself in that fucking scent…" he sighed as he nudged my hand to continue rubbing the back of his scalp. I had to close my eyes, clenching them tight to hold in the tears.

A few weeks back we had spent over an hour in the soap isle of Walmart. Edward had said he didn't know why they bothered with so many different scents for woman because "fruity ass strawberry was fucking perfect" so why bother with an alternative. Strawberry. The scent of my body wash. He knew it was me, that's why he settled back down.

"Kill for a goddamn cheeseburger…strawberry shake…gross me the fuck out…mmm Bella….best shit in the world right there…"

He must have heard be sniffle because his head suddenly snapped around to look at me. Upon seeing my red-rimmed eyes, his brow furrowed as he raised his hand toward my face - the same hand he had thrown threw a wall not thirty minutes prior. He stopped his movement as soon as he caught sight of his injured hand.

"Hand bleeding...fucking paint….fake gore…b-rated horror flick...fucking fruit punch…" he rambled my tears completely forgotten as he began waving his hand in front of his face, trying to examine it from all angles.

I hesitantly raised my hand back to his neck and began teasing the hair at the nape of his neck once again for lack of anything else better to do. Once again resting comfortably in my lap he continued to jabber on nonsensically. "Motherfucker robbed me blind…ten fucking years…my Bella…fucking shitty ass attitude…mixing all these fucking drugs…Jesus...fucking crazy."

I don't know why I continued to torture myself by straining my ears in an effort to make out his every word, hoping I could make sense of what he was trying to say. He was clearly tweaked out of his mind and here I was sitting there thinking that if I could perhaps make out his words that I could somehow help him?

_God I'm an idiot. _

_Nothing can help him, Bella. He's high on any number of drugs and for all you know heroin is one of them. You really think analyzing his mental process is going to somehow help the situation? It isn't going to do shit. He's fucked, and you can't do a damn thing to help him right now. Nothing. Nada. Just sit here and pretend like everything is going to be okay, and once you are home safe and sound at Kyle and Mandy's place you can lock yourself in the bathroom and have that little mental breakdown you so desperately want and most definitely deserve._

_I'm seriously fucking losing it over here…how much farther to the apartment?_

I looked up from Edward's crazed bronze hair and found, to my relief, that we were turning down the street of Kyle's apartment complex.

Now all I had to do his help him out of the car and into the apartment, and we are home free. Easy as pie right?

_Wrong. So fucking wrong…_

As soon as the car door opened and a breeze of fresh September air whirled its way through the car, Edward's eyes snapped open as he broke out in a menacing wail, "WHY WON'T HER FUCKING MEMORY STOP HAUNTING ME?! AND WHO THE FUCK'S HAND IS THAT?!"

My hand flew away from his body, left floating in mid air as Edward threw himself against the opposite side of the car. His eyes were wild as his hands swatted at the various part of his body I had been touching just moments before. I couldn't bring myself to reach out to stop him or tell him I wasn't a hallucination because his previously lifeless eyes had their spark back. And not just any old spark. They were aflame once again with pure hatred and zeroed in directly on me.

I was frozen in my seat terrified that with one wrong move on my part he would lash out at me. The tiny hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as goose bumps broke out, crawling their way across my neck and down the length of my arms at the sight of him pressed flush against the door of the car - as far away from me as he could manage in such a small space.

All I could hear was the erratic pounding of my heart that was thrumming wildly in my chest, echoing the beat all the way to the tips of my fingers and toes as his eyes burned into my own. Painful tears pricked at my eyes, burning hot liquid filling them so suddenly that I couldn't stop the fat tears from pouring out of my eyes and down my cheeks.

I held his gaze, unable to look away no matter how menacing he appeared, but as the seconds ticked by the fire behind his eyes grew dimmer and dimmer until there wasn't a single flicker left in them.

I can tell you the exact moment when _my_ Edward returned because his entire being seemed to exhale in that breath, his face crestfallen as his body wilted against the car door. He immediately starting sputtering out his apologies.

"Oh god Bella…I am so, so sorry. Please don't cry…please? Shit…I didn't mean to… I'm sorry," he pleaded as he ever so slowly began to reach out to me once again, looking in my eyes the entire time for any hint of trepidation on my part.

"I would never ever fucking hurt you, I swear…I fucking promise. Not ever. Whether you're real or part of my fucking dreams, I would never…_could_ never hurt you. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry," he whispered as his fingers tentatively brushed against the back of mine before intertwining them.

I sniffled and blinked the remainder of the tears out of my eyes as he continued to chant "I'm sorry" over and over again in soft tones while slowly inching his way back over to me. Before he could curl back up in my lap, I figured now would be the best time to get out of the car and make our way into the apartment.

When I opened up the car door I was met with Kyle's sympathetic face. Apparently he trusted Edward enough not to hurt me, seeing as he had left us alone in the car despite Edward's latest insane outburst. I was grateful he had waited around for us though because Edward had used what was left of his dwindling energy during that last outburst, and he was officially dead on his feet. We had to literally drag him up the steps into the apartment while he continued to mutter his apologies to me and begged me not to leave him. Once inside I turned to head toward the bedroom, but Kyle stopped me pulling us towards the living room couch.

"I'd rather he slept it off out here, where I can keep an eye on him," he explained, unwrapping Edward's arm from around his shoulder as he lowered him onto the couch beside me.

Apparently sitting next to me just wasn't good enough for Edward in his current state because he proceeded to push against me until I was laying back down into the corner of the couch - at which point he flopped down on top of me, pinning me to the couch. He moved himself so that he was between my legs, lying on his stomach with his head resting on my stomach, his arms wrapped around my waist holding me tightly against him. The position on the couch was awkward and far from comfortable, but with all of his dead weight on top of me, I wasn't going anywhere.

Mandy and Kyle settled in on the other couch, conversing with one another in hushed voices. No doubt, Kyle was filling Mandy in on everything that had happened back at Drew's place.

I didn't bother to listen to them, instead turning my attention back to the man wrapped around my body. As soon as my hand settled into his hair, his mumblings started all over again, though this time the weren't nearly as off the wall.

"So tired...hand feels soooo fucking good...she's the only one…skin fucking tingle…fucking live wire…" he muttered, squeezing his arms around my waist as he peeked open an eye to look at me. "Just stay Bella...don't care…dream or not...just stay.

After a few minutes I could feel his breathing even out, his mumbling finally coming to a stop after breathing out a final "I need you."

I laid there silent and still for several minutes, the weight of the day pressing down heavily on my shoulders. I wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball in my bed and cry alone for hours. But I couldn't do that…I couldn't leave him because not even two minutes would go by on the clock before Edward would lift his head off my stomach to check and make sure I was still there before sighing "Don't leave me" as he settled back down against me.

And every single damn time he did that a fresh wave of tears came pouring down my face. Over and over again I heard his tiny little raspy voice pleading for me to stay with him, and it was breaking my heart, chipping off another little piece of it each and every time he said those three little words.

_Don't leave me_….as if I ever could.

Kyle passed me a box of Kleenex as Mandy leaned over the couch arm to pull me into a one armed hug. I swallowed down the latest set of tears and cleared my throat, having completely forgotten they were even still in the room.

"Is he going to be okay?" I asked as I brushed a lock of his hair off his forehead, my voice thick with emotion.

"Yeah, give him a few days. It won't be easy, but he'll bounce back," Kyle assured me, smiling sadly in my direction.

"How can you be so sure?" I wondered aloud in a whisper, my brow furrowing. He saw the drugs, the pills, the _needles_…how could he be so sure that Edward was really going to be okay after all of that.

"Because he's done it before," he stated simply. I nodded in understanding, knowing Kyle wouldn't expand any further.

"Thank you," I stated, finally raising my eyes to look at him as a fresh set of tears made their way down my cheeks.

"It's nothing he wouldn't have done for me," Kyle replied with a shrug, trying to act nonchalant. I knew better though. Today I saw exactly how much he cared. "I may not approve of all of the choices he's made, but underneath it all he's a good guy. I'd never let him go down like that."

"Do you think that…" my voice broke as I trailed off, unable to finish the question that weighed most heavily on my mind. I swallowed back the lump in my throat and tried again. "Do you think that he would ever come after me…you know…the way he did you?"

"You mean…hit you?" He asked incredulously.

I nodded grimly. As much as I loved the man in my arms, I would not..._could_ not stay with him if there was even a _remote_ chance that he would ever lay a hand on me, no matter what influence he was under.

Kyle sighed heavily, shaking his head as his brow furrowed, taking a minute before answering my question. He didn't know my history but was obviously taking to heart the significance of what I was asking.

"Some drugs tend to make people volatile…_obviously_," he scoffed shaking his head at himself. "What I mean is...being under their influence of them can cause people to do things they normally wouldn't do." He cleared his throat and continued. "But...from what I've witnessed about Edward, he'd hurt everyone around you before he'd ever even _think_ of laying a hand on you. For him to come after _me _of all people, just for touching you? I don't think he would ever lay a hand on you, no matter how messed up he was."

A brief ghost of a smile crossed my lips, feeling reassured by his response, before returning my gaze back down at Edward who seemed to finally be resting peacefully in my arms. Kyle was right...I was almost certain of it. Edward was extraordinarily protective over me, no matter what his mental condition. I would have to broach the subject with Edward himself at some point, but for the time being, I felt much better about the whole thing.

"Hey Bella," Kyle asked, drawing my attention back towards him. "You think you'll be okay with him for a bit? I've got some errands I really need to run."

_My eyes widened as I looked back down at Edward. What if he woke up? What if he started freaking out again? How would I…what would I…_

He must have noticed my hesitation because Kyle answered my questions without me even asking. "Honestly I don't see him waking up for quite a while," he assured me, leaning over to pat my arm. "I'll be gone for two hours tops, and from the state he was in when we found him…he probably won't come back around for hours. I'd be surprised if he wakes up before tomorrow afternoon," he chuckled shaking his head.

"Oh," I responded, surprised. "Well if that's the case, do you think you could help get me out of here? I think my legs have already fallen asleep," I asked smiling sheepishly up at him.

Kyle left shortly after peeling me out from underneath Edward to run his errands, leaving Mandy and I to watch over him. He'd been right, Edward was dead to the world. He hadn't moved a muscle when they'd lifted him up a bit so I could slip out from under him.

Mandy settled in on the couch beside me and flipped on the TV. My attention remained on the broken man sleep on the couch across from me. I don't know how long I was spaced out, just sitting there watching him, but eventually Mandy brought me to the present my nudging me with her foot.

"Hey, he'll be fine," she reassured me.

_Right…He'll be just dandy. _

* * *

_? POV_

_An officer burst into his boss's office looking pissed off and anxious. "The tables are turning...it's no longer in our favor," the man stated, slamming the door behind him in order to keep the conversation private._

"_What are you talking about?" he asked, his brow furrowed in confusion. "Cullen still hasn't returned so I don't understand what you are saying." _

"_The shadow's being watched," the man snarled in reply as he plunked down into the chair beside his boss's desk. "There's more going on that what we originally thought. He's not a shadow, he's an accomplice."_

_That was not good news, maybe he was mistaken. "Do you have any proof?" he inquired._

"_I can't get close enough to confirm because he's surrounded at all times." His jaw clenched as he answered. "If we move in now we can get the evidence," he suggested, knowing it was the best move strategically now that their position was compromised._

"_You move in now and the minute Cullen's spotted he'll be killed on sight. They'll think he's the informant that led to the bust!" he roared, standing on his feet behind his desk. How dare his officer even suggest such a thing. Has he learned nothing during all of his time served beneath his command? "If they are watching his shadow but not making a move on him, they are watching him for the same reason we are…to find Cullen."_

"_It's our only shot," the man argued still believing it was their best option. "If we don't take him down, they will find Cullen before we do." He was sure of this as they had zero leads as to where Cullen had disappeared to for the past ten days._

"_Take your focus off the shadow. Find Cullen_. _He's out there somewhere goddamn it…FIND HIM!" he roared, slamming his fist down on the desk in aggravation. "This kid is mine and I** refuse**__ to risk losing him to these god forsaken streets!"_

"_Why this kid? Why so much effort for just this one kid?" he asked curiously. His boss wasn't following procedure, and he wanted to know why._

"_I told you before…it's __**personal**__," he growled, narrowing his eyes at the man before returning his attention back to the paperwork on his desk._

_The officer saw himself out with a renewed vigor to find the missing Cullen boy. Whatever the Captain's underlying motives were would come to light eventually. For now, he'd follow his orders without further question. It was the least he could do for the one man that had been strong enough to help him turn his own life around. _


	22. Chapter 21

**A/N:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

EPOV

What. The. Fuck.

Those were the only words that came to mind each time I opened my fucking eyes. Granted they slammed the fuck closed again instantly because the goddamn light shining in from the kitchen had been enough to sear my motherfucking corneas.

It was like a fucking megawatt laser beam trained on my goddamn eyeballs. Even when my fucking eyelids were shut that shit burned straight through them, making the backs of my lids look fucking orange or some shit.

Fucking oranges...fucking super megawatt light bulbs. Fuck the person who invented electricity.

However, there had been a momentary sight that my singed retinas caught and instantly relayed to my brain - like ten goddamn minutes later - that caused me to want to brave the searing pain that made me want to vomit from that goddamn harsh light.

And that sight was Bella...curled up in a sitting position on the other couch - looking as though she'd sat guard throughout my inebriated unconscious hours to protect me as I had always done for her...or she was just waiting for me to wake up so she could beat me within an inch of my life...or perhaps even straight to death.

I had no fucking clue, but if I were her...well fuck.

If I were her I would have taken one look at my sorry ass and walked away. I didn't deserve to be saved or pulled from my own fucking idiocy. She should have left my ass to fucking rot where I was, left me to disappear into a world where I helped destroy every motherfucker who ever dared to enter it.

To be brutally fucking honest, I was scared shitless to open my eyes again. I had no way of knowing whether or not my fucking brain was playing tricks on me...stuck somewhere between my dreams where she'd never left me in the first fucking place, and some level of half sobered hallucinatory consciousness where I was seeing shit that wasn't really fucking there.

As I laid there, cramping and shaking from the fucking start of withdrawals, I vowed to my fucking self that if she was there...if she was _really_ fucking there just feet from my sorry ass...I would _never_ fucking touch another goddamn drug as long as I fucking lived. Fucking hell, I'd even bypass over the counter bullshit like asprin and fucking cough syrup if I had to.

If it made her stay with me.

I could handle a fucking migraine. I could handle a goddamn shitty ass cold if I had to, fevers and congestion be damned, but I couldn't fucking handle living without her anymore. I'd damn near killed myself in just the span of..._fuck_!

I didn't even know how long I'd been gone.

See...this is what I fucking meant all those times when I'd said that drugs only provide a temporary escape from shit and how everything's always fucking _worse_ when you sobered up. Even under the fucking numbing influence of all the drugs I'd taken, my bullshit problems didn't disappear. I just couldn't feel the fucking effect of them because with all those chemicals coursing through my veins...I didn't give a shit.

I didn't give a shit about a fucking thing...but that didn't mean that the problems I was running away from were any further from me than they had been while I was sober. Nope...all that bullshit had been right fucking there, staring me in the goddamn face the whole time. And low and behold, there I fucking was, half way sober and just beginning to realize the true extent of just how much worse my attempt to escape had made the entire fucking situation.

Because now I'd been seen at my fucking worst. By the one person I had sworn to myself would _never_ fucking witness me in that state.

Point blank...I'd fucked myself. _Royally_.

Motherfucker. How do I manage to screw myself over every goddamn time I turn around? She fucking _told_ me in that goddamn note she just needed some time and space, basically that she needed to sort through her shit on her own. I could have understood that shit if I'd tried, but did I fucking listen?

Fuck no.

Do I ever listen?

Fuck no.

I don't ever fucking listen because I can't trust a goddamn motherfucker in this world. I fucking _swore_ Bella was untouchable when it came to my fucking bullshit...but low and goddamn fucking behold...the minute she tested my faith in her, what did I do?

I fucking crumbled like the weak ass pussy that I am.

I automatically goddamn think that she fucking bailed on me and left my ass because of what a piece of shit I am. The piece of shit that lied to her and manipulated every fucking person around me so they wouldn't tell her just how fucked up a person I was. So they wouldn't tell her that I was the fucking reason so many people around us were tweaked out motherfuckers, killing themselves slowly with every additional drug they put into their bodies.

Drugs _I_ fucking sold them.

She fucking disappears in the middle of the goddamn night and my retarded ass gives up looking for her after two fucking days. As if she's a goddamn dog that hasn't returned and by that point I have to fucking assume she'd been hit by a car or some shit, or taken into someone else's home. I'm fucking ridiculous.

Barely turned 18 years old and she's got more fucking balls and strength than any other fucker I know. She didn't give up. She didn't say fuck the world and try to disappear into a universe full of goddamn retarded numb motherfuckers.

I did.

Because I'm fucking weak.

The second my eyes finally opened and focused on my surroundings, I failed to remember how to fucking breathe. Air was trapped in my goddamn lungs like a fucking landslide had just buried my chest beneath its suffocating weight. She was so goddamn beautiful, propped against the side of the couch like a goddamn guardian angel...so innocent and pure and un-fucking-tainted like I am.

She shouldn't have had to endure witnessing someone in my condition. _Ever_. Someone so gentle and kind shouldn't ever have to witness the chaos and destruction that was going on within me.

I slowly lifted myself up, tossing the blanket I had no doubt she'd tossed over me onto the end of the couch, and knelt down on the floor in front of her. I just sat there like a fucking dumbass staring at her sleeping form, hating myself because even without being able to fully remember anything that had happened over the past few days, I knew that whatever she'd witnessed of me would just be the tip of the fucking iceberg. I wished I was strong enough to push her away until I could get past the withdrawals and sicknesses that were already starting to rear their ugly fucking heads...to keep her away until I could be the person she remembered...but I wasn't.

I hated myself even more for knowing that, in that moment, if she was willing to stay with me, I'd be dragging her through a world of pain right alongside my stupid ass...because I couldn't do it without her. I _wouldn't_ do it without her because without her, there was no reason for me to fight against the overwhelming pull to be sucked back into that numb void of "_I_ _don't give a flying fuck_" that I'd been hiding in.

I'd lost myself in that fucking void once in my life and it took every motherfucking thing in me to pull myself out of that shit. I didn't have the damn strength to do it again on my own. I needed there to be a reason outside of myself to be able to do it, and that reason needed to be her - because she was the _only_ goddamn thing in my life that had ever been able to give me hope. Hope for fucking anything.

A better life.

A stable boring ass job.

A fucking legitimate goddamn _future_.

One of my arms wrapped around my cramping and churning stomach as the other held onto her legs and I laid my head down in her lap as I fought back the chills and nausea that were battering my exhausted body. Thoroughly broken and bleeding from the inside out, I choked out the only fucking prayer in the world I had left and then passed the fuck back out.

"_God please...just...don't fucking take her from me_..."

I couldn't tell you how long I'd been knocked the fuck out the first time, nor could I fucking say how long I'd been slumped on the floor in front of my last lifeline...but when I awoke to the feeling of someone running their fingers gently through my hair, the entire room had been set ablaze by blinding white daylight. And opening my eyes fucking sucked major ass balls.

That goddamn megawatt light bulb had jack fucking shit on the motherfucking sun.

"Whoa! There's a bucket to your right, don't puke on the fucking carpet!" Kyle's voice reverberated through my throbbing brain, turning the wave of nausea that had ripped through me and sent the room spinning into a legitimate fucking muscle locking heave.

Fuck...I hurt..._every-goddamn-where_. There wasn't a single fucking inch of me that wasn't in horrific pain and fucking dry heaving was only increasing that agony exponentially.

Now while coming down off of one drug can sometimes be a bit uncomfortable, most often leaving you feeling disoriented or drained of energy - or depending on how long you've been abusing that particular substance...leaving you shaky and desperate for another goddamn hit - coming down off of _multiple_ drugs at once can only be described as your entire fucking body revolting against itself.

In between gasping breaths where I was getting no fucking air, and every one of my muscles being on fucking lockdown as my body attempted to purge itself of absolutely fucking nothing since I couldn't even remember the last time I'd eaten a goddamn thing...I somehow felt Bella's small hand trying to soothe me and I curled further into myself above the bucket.

"Don't..._please_ don't watch this," I pled, my voice strained as my entire body tensed forcefully again in preparation for another fucking empty heave.

"Jesus fucking Christ Kyle! Get her the fuck out of here!" I roared into the bucket as I heard Bella's hiccoughing tearful breaths. She didn't need to fucking see this kind of shit. I was supposed to be strong for her, not a goddamn shaking, broken person with absolutely no fucking control over his body.

"Bro...just shut up and chill the fuck out. Don't worry about her, just focus on pulling yourself through this part of your detox," he responded, unceremoniously tossing a blanket over my shaking pile of bones, muscle, and never ending fucking stupidity.

"Bella...please, I'm begging you. Don't..." I began to plead breathlessly through chattering teeth until I was cut off mid sentence by another round of muscle contorting, oxygen depraving, fucking chest crushing dry heaves.

Of course, because Bella listens about as fucking well as I do, she instantly slid off the couch and wrapped herself around me as best she could and proceeded to baby the goddamn fuck out of me...which admittedly both pissed me the fuck off and made me fucking love her that much more.

Because there I was, dealing with the aftermath of my own fucking horrible goddamn choices, deserving nothing more than for her to tell me what a stupid fuck I was before leaving my ass for good...and she was goddamn coddling me.

Like I was worth the compassion.

Like I deserved to feel as though at least one goddamn person in the world fucking gave a rat's ass.

And it fucking _hurt_ to know that the only reason she was doing it...was because _she_ fucking cared...about _me_.

As if I wasn't fucking breathing unsteadily enough, that goddamn realization took the last bits of oxygen I had been managing to fucking pull into my lungs and I clung to her tiny ass frame with everything I had left in me. My heaving gave way to strangled sobs that I desperately tried to smother in my chest, setting my lungs on fucking fire and creating a steady goddamn annoying as fuck constant low toned ringing hum in my ears.

All because what kind of weak ass motherfucker actually bawls like a baby in front of a fucking chick.

Not. Fucking. Me.

I could have given a shit less if she thought I was having a motherfucking seizure, there was no fucking way in _hell_ I was going to lift my head and let her see my goddamn tears. Dudes crying was a reality for daytime drama soap opera bullshit...not my fucking life.

_Hours_. Countless never-ending hours.

That's how fucking long I spent alternating between battling my shakes and endless empty hurling - as well as intermittent bouts of inexplicable and completely fucking mortifying suffocated sobbing - and passing out cold in Bella's arms. It was fucking _horrible_, but she stayed by my side the _entire_ fucking time.

"Hey," she whispered, a faint fucking sadder than shit smile touching her beautiful lips as I cracked my eyes open and stilled her hand, that had been sweeping a moist rag over my face, with my own.

My eyes closed once again as my fingers stretched out along hers and laced between them. I waited for the next wave of nausea to come rollin' the fuck on in...but it didn't come. My head was still pounding like a motherfucker when I opened my eyes again, but at least the living room was only dimly fucking lit and it appeared to be nighttime once again.

"Hi," I whispered back hoarsely. My throat felt like someone had blasted the fuck out of it with a high powered pressure washer filled with sand.

Fucking shredded raw and dry as the goddamn Gobi Desert.

"Are you feeling any better?" she asked softly, her eyes worriedly darting between my own. Watching that shit was making me dizzy as fuck, but I managed to nod once.

"Yeah," I whispered and then cleared my throat, not that it made a difference because my voice was still jacked the fuck up when I spoke again. "Thirsty as fuck though."

"I'll go get you some water," she replied, instantly moving to lift herself off the edge of the couch. I tightened my hand on hers and pulled her back down to me, wrapping my other arm around her when she landed nearly completely on top of me.

"It can wait," I sighed, holding her tighter. I didn't give a fuck about a glass of water, I just needed to feel her warmth and weight, a tangible reminder that she was really there with me. That she'd come back for me and cared about me. "Thank you...for taking care of me."

"Edward...you scared me," she mumbled, almost unintelligibly as she tucked her head into the crook of my neck, sniffling slightly.

"I know...I'm sorry," I murmured, regretful beyond fucking belief as I threaded my fingers into her hair and gently stroked her scalp. "Don't cry, baby. The worst part is over...I think. I swear I'll never be this fucking stupid again."

"You better not...I thought I'd never find you...and then when I did..._God_, _Edward_," she paused as a shudder ripped through her tiny frame. "It was like you weren't even _you_."

"Because I wasn't...I don't even remember what I said or did," I admitted shamefully, because I really didn't. "The only thing I remember is Kyle barging into the bathroom and then seeing you, but I wasn't even sure if I was really seeing _you_ or if I was just _that_ fucked up that I was hallucinating. Everything after that is just...blank."

"Why'd you do it, Edward? Why would you do that to yourself?" she sniffled, tightening her hold on me. I started shifting us so that I could lean against the arm of the couch, not an easy fucking feat in my weakened state but I fucking managed it eventually, and cradled her to my chest.

"I thought I'd lost you," I confessed pitifully. "It's no excuse, but it's the only explanation I can give. When I woke up and you were gone, I freaked the fuck out and looked everywhere for you...but I couldn't find you."

It dawned on me in that fucking instant just how goddamn retarded I'd been. If I'd just fucking told her how I felt about her before all that shit had happened between her and Jasper...she wouldn't have left and I wouldn't have fucked up so goddamn badly.

Fuck that shit...I wasn't about to let something like that happen again. Over my goddamn dead body would she fucking ever leave again without knowing she was taking my entire fucking heart with her wherever she fucking went.

"Bella," I whispered her name as I nuzzled my face into her neck and kissed the spot just below her ear tenderly, causing her body to tense slightly as I spoke softly. "I can't do this shit without you. There's only one goddamn good thing about me...and it's you, baby. You're the only fucking light in my dark shitty ass world and I can't survive in it without you. I love you so goddamn much that it damn near killed me when you left."

"You...you what?" she breathed out as her head jerked back and she looked me straight in the eyes.

I lost myself in the sepia depths of her eyes and, being so fucking close, noticed the tiny flecks of golden ochre within them. They were so fucking subtle I'd never noticed them before, but with the way the light from the end table lamp illuminated her glassy tear filled eyes, the flecks stood out vibrantly and I couldn't help fucking staring at them. They looked like fucking stars or some shit...like there was a whole goddamn lost universe in her eyes and I was the first fucker to discover it.

"I love you, Bella," I finally repeated, narrowing my eyes at the look of doubt in her eyes. "And just to be clear here...not like a fucking friend or just a little bit or some bullshit. I want to be with you...wherever the fuck you go because that's where my heart is."

I stared at her intently as I tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, my eyes flickering between her eyes and her lips that I'd been fucking dying to kiss for goddamn _months_ as her imploring gaze seared into me, looking for even a hint of deception or insincerity. A fucking hint that she'd never fucking find in my eyes, no matter how long she fucking stared into them.

"I'm going to kiss you," I whispered, locking my eyes on her own after looking at her lips one last time and cradled the back of her head with my hand to draw her closer.

"I'll try not to pass out," her voice trembled faintly as our noses touched. I breathed out a clipped chuckle at how dead ass serious she was when she said that and licked my lips, trying to moisten them because they were dry and chapped harshly...a far fucking cry from her healthy soft and plump pink ones.

The moment our lips touched...I was fucking _lost_. Fuckin- A,I'd never felt anything like that in my goddamn _life_. I'd kissed quite a few girls in high school, but nothing I'd ever experienced with a single one of them even came close to fucking comparing to kissing her. It was like a fucking potent ass opiate...one hit and you're hooked for life.

My body moved upon its own volition, pushing her onto her back on the couch as I trapped her bottom lip between my teeth and groaned, tasting her unbelievably sweet fucking flavor.

_More...need fucking **more**_...

My mind was a swirling vortex of straight up fucking delirious haze of want and need and pure goddamn desire as I released her lip and tilted my head to the side. Her lips parted instantly under my own and I swear to fucking _God, _the moment her tongue hesitantly touched mine, the most embarrassingly loud fucking moan ripped from my lungs as all the blood in my fucking body raced straight into my goddamn dick.

"I...love...you too," she panted breathlessly in between fervent kisses.

_Jesus_, just hearing her say those words to me made my dick even harder...if such a thing was fucking possible. It was taking _everything_ in me not grind it against her and hump her leg like a fucking horny ass dog with its owner's favorite fuzzy slipper or some shit.

Unfortunately for me, I knew she wasn't ready for anything beyond kissing, and my jeans had become agonizingly tight. If I kept going, there was a damn good fucking chance I'd rip her clothes off and do something I'd regret for the rest of my fucking life. Not because it was with her, but because pushing her when I _knew_ she wasn't ready for it would turn me into the most deplorable creature to _ever_ roam the fucking Earth.

So I did what, hopefully, any guy would do when they could go no further with the person they loved with all their hearts lying beneath them...I slowed the kiss and lowered my weight down onto her gently, making sure my offending wood with a mind of its fucking own wasn't assaulting her, and kissed my way across her jaw and down her neck to where I tucked my head to catch my breathing.

Was I uncomfortable?

Fuck yes.

Would I have changed it for anything in the world?

Fuck no.

Well...on second thought...

"That _really_ shouldn't have been our first fucking kiss," I commented after I caught my breath, just beginning to realize how fucking _nasty_ my mouth tasted.

It was stale as fuck in there, but luckily, I hadn't actually thrown anything up the entire time I'd been sick because there hadn't fucking been anything in my stomach to start with. Shit, there hadn't even been any bile...thank fucking God. How fucking nasty would that shit have been for me to have been kissing all over her with goddamn puke breath or some shit. I would have had to kick my own motherfucking ass for pulling some kind of nasty ass shit like that.

"What? Why?" she asked, her breath hitching in her throat and I chuckled as I kissed the side of her neck.

"Because my mouth tastes like fucking ass. I need a shower...and a toothbrush..._bad_," I replied and she started laughing, her body shaking beneath me and causing me to groan as my rock hard cock rubbed against the couch cushion.

"Wanna shower with me?" I asked, lifting my head from her neck and smirking as I quirked a brow at her. Her eyes went wide as fucking saucers and her mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water or some bullshit. The fucking cherry topping was the blush that raced up her neck and into her cheeks...it was goddamn adorable and I'd missed the shit out of it.

"I'm just kidding, baby...well no, I'm lying. I really wasn't, but I'll never push you for something you're not ready for," I chuckled, placing random kisses on her heated and flushed skin.

When I lifted my head back up to look at her, I kissed the tip of her nose and caressed her temples with my thumbs. "Listen, when I get out of the shower...we need to talk. I don't want there to be any more bullshit between us. I want to start this shit off right, okay?"

She nodded as she bit her lip, her eyes bouncing between mine. "Can I ask you just one question before you go?"

"Anything," I whispered in reply and kissed her chin. Fuck me...I didn't think I'd ever be able to stop kissing her sweet skin.

"How long have you known how you felt about me?" she asked quietly, avoiding looking into my eyes and sounding fucking nervous for some unknown goddamn reason.

"I knew I felt _something _for you the night we hung out and drank at the park by Jessica's house...but I knew I'd fallen in love with you about a month ago," I answered truthfully when she finally returned her gaze to mine.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked and I smirked.

"I thought you said one fucking question," I teased and she rolled her eyes and huffed out a short laugh.

"Just answer the question."

I averted my eyes as I tried to think of a way to explain it to her at least somewhat fucking rationally because at that point...even I couldn't figure out what the fuck I'd been thinking.

"I didn't say anything for a few reasons...which don't even fucking make sense to me anymore so I doubt they'll make any sense to you either," I stalled, still looking away from her. She hooked a finger under my chin and guided my face back towards hers and looked at me imploringly.

"Just tell me," she demanded as we locked eyes.

"Because I was fucking retarded and hung up on the fact that you weren't eighteen yet and I was hoping I could quit selling drugs before you found out about it. I didn't want you to know that I was part of the reason all the people surrounding us were blitzed out of their fucking skulls on a constant basis...that even Alice's drug usage was partly my fault," I admitted, praying to every fucking deity known to man that she wouldn't suddenly pull away from me, the fear of which had me rambling a mile a minute like a nervous fucking idiot.

"I was afraid that you'd hate me for how I made money for all of us to live off of and afraid that you'd never be able to feel for me the way I do for you because by being a fucking good for nothing drug dealer, I wasn't worthy of being with you. It might sound like a bullshit reason, but it's the fucking truth. I swear. It's why I lied about how I was making money and made everyone else around us lie for me as well...including Jasper with the whole decoy bag thing.

"I can't stand the douche, but he hated lying to you like that just as much as I did and I know that sounds like completefucking_ bullshit _because I was the one that came up with that shit to begin with, but I really did fucking hate lying to you. I never wanted to hurt you, but I couldn't stand the thought of you hating me for the truth either and, at the time, lying and possibly buying myself a little bit of fucking time to get out of what I was doing just seemed like the better way to go, and I'm sorry. Really. If I could go back in time I'd tell you the fucking truth and let you decide whether or not I was worthy of you..."

"You're _such_ a tart," she laughed suddenly in the midst of my soul purging confessional jabbering. My eyes instantly downcast themselves as I fought to catch my goddamn breath, waiting for her to put me out of my fucking misery already as she continued to chuckle and shake her head.

"Edward," she sighed, lifting my chin gently. "I may not have been enthused over the idea of what you were doing, but by the time you came up with that _stupid_ lie...I had already fallen in love with you. How did you not see that? How did you not see that the center of my entire universe had shifted from Jasper to _you_?"

She paused, and looked toward the ceiling as she gathered her thoughts and then looked back at me and pursed her lips slightly. "I wouldn't have liked it, just as I don't now, but it wouldn't have changed my feelings for you because it isn't who you are _inside_. Anyone who could break through those guarded walls of yours would be able to see that as easily as I can."

Yup...fucking speechless. That's what she'd reduced me to...yet again. It seemed to be a fucking talent of hers or some shit. Like a goddamn magical power...or a fucking mute button that she could activate with just her words.

Fuck me...I'd fallen in love with a girl that rendered me retarded frequently with ease. I was doomed to idiocy for life.

"I love you...crazily...madly...insanely...fucking eternally," I laughed, attacking her lips with kisses because she was the only fucking person in the world that could make me feel happier than a goddamn pig in shit just by stupefying the hell out of me.

"I love you, too," she smiled. "Go shower...I'll try to rummage up some food for us. You'll need the energy, because you've got a lot of talking to do tonight."

"As do you," I shot back. "And when I no longer smell like a fucking dumpster you can start by telling me where the fuck you went when you disappeared on my ass."

She nodded with a sigh and leaned up to kiss me one last time before I lifted myself off of her and headed off to take a shower.

Standing under the steaming hot spray of water, I had no goddamn idea what lay ahead of us in the days and weeks to come as I tried to find a way for us to get off the fucking dead end road we were on and find a different path for ourselves. A better fucking path...even if we had to carve the beginning of it with only our bare fucking hands and forward moving steps, but I was sure of one fucking thing if absolutely nothing else.

I'd do whatever the fuck it took to ensure she was as happy as she fucking made me every goddamn day of her life. Because for her...I'd fucking do _anything._

For _only_ her.

* * *

_?POV_

"Hey it's Rizzo. Cullen's back on the grid." the caller blurted out as soon as the line was picked up, happy to share the recent turn of events.

"Where?" he demanded, wanting at least a clue as to where he'd been.

"Resurfaced on the south side of his usual old stomping grounds…" he paused before continuing. "Looks like shit too." He wasn't sure this was anything of note but made sure to mention it just in case.

"Get a fucking tail on him," he ordered without question. There was no way he was going to lose him this time. "I want to know his every goddamn move."

"What do you wanna do about the sidekick?" he asked, curious if they were backing off of him now that Cullen was back.

"Call Vicky in. I'm tired of playing these fucking games with these two. If they really are fucking with my shit and dicking me out of money, I want the goddamn proof," he growled, annoyed that even though it'd been a couple of weeks this shit still hadn't been handled. Fucking Cullen and his goddamn Houdini act. "Set the sidekick up. Cullen's too fucking smart to sell cut product to a new face on the scene," he ordered, hoping this would settle things once and for all.

"I'm texting James now, knowing Vicky she'll be here within twenty four just for a good old fashioned fuck," the caller chuckled, knowing exactly how much she got off on playing bait.

"She can fuck him all she wants, but the bitch ain't gettin paid til I get my goddamn proof."


	23. Chapter 22

**A/N****:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

EPOV

"Morning sunshine," Kyle's ugly smirking mug assaulted my vision the very fucking second my eyes cracked open. "We need to have a chat...get your ass up and take a walk with me."

"Fuck man...let me wake the fuck up first at least," I grumbled, stretching in bed and rubbing my eyes.

"Yeah sure...meet me in the kitchen in five minutes," he said, getting up from the chair he'd perched right next to the fucking bed and walking out without looking back.

_Who the hell pissed in his cornflakes?_... I mused dryly as I fought back a groan at the thought of leaving the bed I was so _very _fucking comfortable in with Bella's unconscious form draped across my chest. I almost fucking laughed my ass off at the slight snore she was emitting...but thought better of it as I gently rolled her off of me, filling her arms with a fucking pillow in hopes that she wouldn't wake the fuck up after just the few short hours of sleep she'd gotten.

She needed it...I didn't because I'd slept on and off like the fucking dead for nearly a day and a half.

I wasn't sure if she'd slept at all while I had, minus the one time I'd awoken and moved to sit in front of her sleeping form before falling back asleep myself, and we'd been up until dawn talking through loads and loads of fucking bullshit.

When I'd gotten out of the shower, I literally inhaled the fucking sandwiches she'd made for us and an entire goddamn bag of nacho cheese chips...no fucking frills ghetto brand. By the time I finished stuffing my fat ass fucking face, I was ready to either vomit or pass the fuck back out.

It was like a holiday meal or some shit. Gorge yourself to the point of complete and utter fucking discomfort and then choose warily between the bathroom and your favorite comfy lounging spot...where you'd inevitably be fucking snoring within minutes while your body attempted to digest your gluttony.

If it hadn't been for holidays with Oma and Poppop...I would have forgotten what that shit was like years ago.

As soon as our mess had been cleaned up, neither of us wanting to get bitched out by Kyle in the morning for leaving his kitchen a goddamn disaster, Bella and I curled up with each other in bed and talked.

For fucking _hours_.

I don't think I'd ever spoken as much in my entire fucking life as I did that night.

I listened to her tell me about her three day long trip to her hometown, her run in with an old neighbor, and the news of her father's death. Yeah, I fucking listened...but I was hung up on the fact that she'd only been gone three fucking days.

_Three _motherfuckingdays.

If my stupid ass wouldn't have broken my fucking phone, or I don't know...not given the fuck up after forty eight fucking hours...I would have _known_ she was on her goddamn way back home. On her way back to _me_.

Yet another fucking instance of "_Let's see what you can fuck yourself over with today, Edward._"

I'm a goddamn idiot...what she even fucking sees in me is a motherfucking mystery because it sure as shit isn't my bottomless wallet or luxurious lifestyle, and Lord knows it ain't my fucking cock either..._yet_ anyway.

When she nervously asked me if I was mad at her, I told her the truth. That fuck yes I'd been mad at her...but she'd been forgiven nearly instantly because she'd turned me into a pussy whipped bitch that wasn't even getting any pussy.

Yeah...I got slapped for that one, but it made us both laugh. My laughter was solely based on that fact that she didn't have a goddamn clue how fucking true it was.

I was sure she'd figure it out one day and I'd have '_Bella's Bitch_' permanently stamped on my fucking forehead like a giant fucking neon blinking sign for every motherfucker in the world to spot from a thousand miles away.

Not that I'd change that fact if it kept their ogling eyes the fuck off of her. In fact, if it actually worked out that way it'd make my life a whole lot fucking easier, because I'd already nearly beat the living shit out of a number of assholes for giving her the old perverted up and down...not that I'd never been guilty of it myself.

Countless times...

I gotta say...she surprised the fuck out of me when she asked me if I'd been "injecting heroin." Now, I'd done a lot of fucked up shit in my life, but banging diesel _wasn't_ fucking one of 'em. I'd snorted the shit a time or two during my first few months out on the streets, but never, not fucking _once_ had I ever pushed that shit straight into my bloodstream.

They call that shit 'chasing the tiger' for a fucking reason...that first high you get off of it, will always be the best one you get. It doesn't matter how much diesel you bang after that first dose...you'll be chasing your first high every motherfucking time.

And you'll never get it.

That shit's a goddamn terrorist drug...it takes over _every _aspect of your life instantly. I didn't need to experience that shit firsthand to know about it...I'd seen countless fuckers destroy themselves with it.

As our proverbial purging of skeletal remains from our closets turned in my direction...I found myself divulging shit to her that I'd sworn to myself I'd _never_ share with a living soul.

Like all the shit I'd been through since the day I hit the streets...well most of it anyway. I didn't bring up any of the violent shit because I didn't want to terrify the hell out of her, but I did confess the majority of my own transgressions. Mainly how I'd spent a good portion of my first year on the streets in much the same condition as she'd found me in and some of the shit I'd done in my past to get my hands on the drugs I'd been dependent upon.

If it hadn't been for Kyle knocking my head on straight...I probably would have been dead long before Alice and I had waltzed into that fast food restaurant where she'd been fucking bathing in the goddamn bathroom sink.

I probably would have been dead long before Alice even managed to find her own ass out on the streets.

I told her what it was like for me growing up in my midget of a sister's shadow. How, from the very moment that our parents' dirty secret had been revealed, I'd almost instantly gone from prodigal son to illegitimate red headed step-child. Not that I was blaming them entirely for that, as my own behavior had only added copious amounts of fuel to an ever growing fire, but they had been adults. I'd been just a fucking child. A scared, lost, betrayed and unable to trust my own fucking family, _child_. They were _adults_. They should have handled the entire situation better than what they had.

While speaking of my family, I confessed how I really missed the fucking shit out of my father, but couldn't bring myself to reconcile the man I remembered him being when I was just a kid - before the nuclear fucking bomb of truth exploded between us - with the man I'd seen him as for the last ten years of my life. The man that had lied to me about the true identity of my mother, and the man who disenabled me from being able to trust him for anything because our tempers were so goddamn short and easily ignited, that any time I tried to approach him to try to work through the shit, we just ended up butting heads like two 'roided up bulls and further expanding the gap that had been created between us.

And how even though Esme wasn't my real mother, she was all I'd ever known of one and I'd loved her as though she were my own, but I hated her for knowing the truth and keeping it from me just as my father had. Deep down, I still fucking loved her as if she were my mother...but I doubted she'd ever be able to return those buried feelings after the ways I'd treated her for years on end...and admittedly, had continued to treat her even as recently as the day before Bella and I had met.

Trying to explain to her that it was easier for me to hold onto the hatred and years of pent up rage I'd held for them rather than acknowledging, for even a fraction of a fucking second, that I was only hiding behind it because it hurt less than constantly feeling like I just wasn't worth fighting _for _rather than _with..._was difficult to say the fucking least. Thinking like that only led me to thinking about how I wasn't enough for my own biological mother to want to keep on living even if it had been without my father. Simply put, thinking about any of that shit without masking my pain with anger and hatred was pure fucking torture because it always reminded me that I was just never fucking _enough_ for _anyone_.

Why bother having a fucking kid in the first place if all you're ever going to do is make them feel like they should have never been born. Like they aren't worth being loved and cared for, or god fucking forbid being told the goddamn truth and then maybe, just fucking _maybe_, not screamed at for their fears of putting their trust back into the people that lied to them in the fucking first place.

My past behavior basically boils down to the fact that sometimes it's just easier to live up to someone's ingrained expectations of an interaction with you - regardless of how drastically your actions belie the truth hidden within - than it is to attempt to fix what's hopelessly fucking unsalvageable.

The sad part is that that shit works both ways. Our collective pasts only reinforced a preconceived expectation for the other person's reaction to any degree of interaction, and it built an indestructible barricade the size of the goddamn Great Wall of fucking China in the giant abyss that, at one point in time, had probably only been an easily patched rift.

It sucks...but yeah...that's fucking life for ya.

Moving away from the bed, I jammed my fucking foot on the goddamn corner of the shitty ass dresser and ended up hopping around the room like a motherfucking jackass while cursing under my breath. That fucking shit hurt like the goddamn devil. By the time I made it into the kitchen, I was gimping like a fucking moron, and praying my damn toe would either just stop hurting or fall the fuck off already. Stupid fucking shit.

"Alright, man...I'm up. What's up?" I huffed as I plopped down in a chair at the kitchen table across from Kyle.

"I'm not even going to get into how big of a fucktard you are for pulling that kind of bullshit because I'm pretty fucking sure you're already aware of it after the last two days," he started, quirking a brow at me before leaning on the table with his elbows. I just scoffed and rolled my eyes as I nodded, because no one knew better than me how fucking stupid I'd been.

"I know you're probably feeling like complete shit right now, but you've got problems, bro. Fucking huge ones," he continued as he pushed my bag across the table to me. My head fell backwards, already knowing where he was heading.

It had crossed my mind at some point during the night, but I just hadn't wanted to deal with that fucking shit just yet. I didn't even know _how_ I was gonna fucking deal with it to start with.

"How much is left in there?" I asked, ripping the zipper open.

"Not much...I managed to pilfer some of your friend's shit. I figured you could at least sell some of that crap and make some quick cash off it. Do you have _any_ fuckin' money left?" he asked as I rubbed my face roughly with my hands.

My shit just kept getting fucking worse and worse by the moment. My mind went through a million different possible solutions and instantly found the flaws in each and every fucking one of them.

"Not a fucking dime. I've got jack shit," I answered truthfully because there was no way I could fucking hide it anyway.

"How much are you going to owe him? You _know_ you're gonna have to haul your ass in there soon..._very soon_. You've been MIA for almost two weeks now, man. Jared's probably already got a pretty little target aimed on your fuckin' forehead," he pointed out as I laid my head down on my forearms.

I knew when I'd last divvied up my refilled stash that if I'd sold every last bit of it, I'd have owed Jared seventeen hundred fucking bucks. What was left in my bag, apparently what Kyle had snagged off of Drew's table, had a street worth of about three hundred...if I was lucky. The problem was...the shit he'd taken from Drew _wasn't _anything Jared had given me to sell. In order to get the money off of it, I'd have to find a fucking way to pawn that shit off on someone without a fucking word of it getting back to Jared.

Because if he found out I was peddling someone else's shit...I'd be fucking dead. No questions asked.

"Alright, man...here's the deal. I knew you were gonna be in deep shit when we found you. I've got fifteen hundred I can lend you. That's _all_ I've got, bro, and I'm willing to give it to you to get you at least through the pay-up meeting, but I need that shit back ASAP," he grumbled, rubbing his forehead in frustration. "I don't have to tell you that if you can't make that shit back within two weeks at the most...all four of us are gonna be out on our asses because Mandy's and my fucking rent is in there."

"Kyle...I can't...I can't get you involved in this fucking shit. It's dangerous and you fucking know it because we've been here before, man. You've done enough for me over the last two fucking years," I argued as I pushed the envelope containing his last motherfucking dime back toward him. "You pulled my ass out once...I'm not putting you in this fucking spot again. Not you, and not fucking Mandy either."

"Bro, just shut the fuck up and give in. It was Mandy's call anyway. We're not letting you go down like this...you're like fucking family or some shit. Take the money, play the goddamn game, and get yourself and Bella the fuck out of here. You don't belong here, man...you never have," he argued back, pushing the fucking money back in my direction.

"Dude...it's too fucking much. I can't take this shit from you, and even if I did...I'm still two hundred short," I retorted. I really didn't want to get him involved in my bullshit again. He was too good a friend to go down in flames for my fucking stupidity.

"If you need money, I've got a little over four hundred left..." Bella's quiet voice cut in just as Kyle was about to speak again and my head snapped in her direction, wondering how much she'd overheard. "From working at the diner...You can have it."

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked anxiously.

She shrugged and shook her head, "Only long enough to overhear that you're still short on money...even if you take Kyle's."

"Baby...I don't want your money. You worked hard for that shit and it's _yours_," I told her, turning in my chair as she walked toward me.

My whole fucking world was collapsing in around me as I pressed my forehead to her stomach and wrapped my arms around her. I didn't know how much longer I'd have to just fucking _hold_ her with how deep into the shit I'd buried myself. There was no fucking way out...not without fucking over the best friend I could have asked for over the last two years.

"You're taking it, Edward. I'm not arguing with you over it. You need it more than I do, and frankly, it does me no good if something happens to you," she replied, her tone telling me she wasn't going to take any shit from me. "Besides...after everything you did for me in the beginning...I owe you _at least _this much."

A silence fell over the kitchen as I tried to find a way out of taking either of their fucking money. I didn't fucking want it, but goddamn it, I had no other choice. I needed it, because if I didn't pay up...I wouldn't even get the fucking chance to run. There was already a good fucking chance that it wouldn't even fucking matter if I paid up or not. I had no way of knowing whether or not there was already a motherfucking death warrant out for my ass.

God I fucking hoped not.

"I'll get this shit back...to both of you. Just give me one week...one fucking week and I'll have you both paid back," I vowed, fucking meaning every last word of it. There wasn't a fucking way in _hell_ I'd let any of them waste their last fucking dime on me, but in order to do it...I was gonna have to break every last one of my goddamn rules.

Two hours later I was showered, dressed...and still looking like complete fucking _shit_. It didn't fucking help that I had shakes that I couldn't fucking control no matter how goddamn hard I tried and was fucking _dying_ to at least just smoke a bowl to chill the fuck out. My nerves were fucking shot after having to explain to Bella just how badly I'd fucked up when it came to Jared...fuck just explaining it made me all that much more aware of how fucked I could really be. The to top that shit off, I had to try and fucking calm her ass back down afterwards. That right there was one of the biggest reasons I never wanted her to know how I fucking made money. She wasn't stupid...she knew the kinds of people I sold drug for were fucking dangerous.

It felt like such a fucking waste doing it, but all the shit Kyle had taken from Drew's got flushed down the fucking toilet. I couldn't handle the goddamn temptation to take the shit in my current state and there was no way in hell I could sell the fucking shit to make some quick buck because the way my luck was running lately...just _attempting_ it would be like driving the last fucking nail into my own motherfucking coffin.

So off I went, with a goddamn empty bag, a fat roll of cash and my nerves a-fucking-blaze, praying to everything that was holy that I'd make it out of Jared's basement alive. Because I'd destroyed my own phone, I took Bella's with me and shot Kyle a text just as I was pulling up to Jared's. He knew if an hour passed and he hadn't heard shit from me, he needed to take the girls and get the fuck outta dodge.

Point blank...if he didn't hear from my ass within an hour...I _wasn't_ coming back.

_Ever_.

Thankfully with the four hundred Bella had chipped in, Kyle and Mandy were left with two hundred bucks for the three of them. It'd at least be enough to get them to his parents in goddamn middle of nowhere Montana.

Fucking Montana. I briefly wondered if Bella would enjoy living on a ranch in the middle of the mountains with only cows and horses and shit as neighbors. I'd never seen the place besides one single photo that he kept, but he'd told me plenty of stories about the place on nights we'd smoked ourselves stupid together. Don't ask me why, but every time that motherfucker bitched about chaps and cowboy hats...I'd laugh my goddamn ass off.

Thinking about Kyle's stories of Montana at least helped me relax a fucking bit, not that it took care of my withdrawal shakes or anything...might as well call my ass shake n bake or some shit. Those damn tremors would be sticking around for a while yet, might as well get fucking used to them. I took a calming breath as I opened my door and forced a mask over my face. If I was gonna walk back out of that house, I couldn't risk raising a single fucking eyebrow in there.

Easier said than fucking done when you're dealing with a bunch of paranoid motherfuckers.

To anyone looking at me as I approached the door, I'd look cool as a fucking cucumber...but in reality...I was anything _but_. I swear to Christ if a goddamn squirrel woulda farted I probably woulda shot twenty feet into the fucking air.

"Well, well, well...look what the fucking cat drug in," Embry laughed when he opened the door and spotted me. "We thought you mighta been snagged by the po-po."

"Fuck no, man," I scoffed as I rolled my eyes. "Been fucking sick as a motherfucker. Just got out of the hospital two days ago."

Kyle had spent an entire fucking day working out a cover story for me. Apparently it pays to know some shady fucking people every once in a while. By calling in a long overdue favor...he'd gotten everything I'd need to cover my ass. Motherfucker even jabbed my ass in the arm with a fucking sewing needle to look like I'd had a fucking IV in my arm...just in case they checked. Any little fucking detail overlooked could bring my ass down in flames. Neither of us knew whether or not my car had been spotted the day they'd dragged my ass back from Drew's, but Kyle _did_ know that not a single motherfucker had known where I had been.

"Boss man's downstairs," he told me after making me lift my fucking hoodie and patting down my jeans, checking for wires and shit. "You need to put some meat back on those bones, kid. Hospital grub's for the fucking birds."

"No shit...crap tastes like fucking cardboard and salty water," I snorted, playing along with his stupid bullshit as I turned toward the basement steps.

_Just keep your fucking shit together asshole...if he bought that bullshit that easily they will too..._

"Ah...so the prodigy finally returns," Jared mused as he spotted me rounding the bottom of the steps. The smirk on his face was goddamn menacing and caused my heart to take off like a fucking jackrabbit on crack...which then triggered my fucking anger, and not a moment too fucking soon because I swear to God I'd almost lost my calm facade.

"So it seems," I retorted dryly as I tossed him his rolled up wad of cash. "It's all there...every last dime."

"I'll count it in a minute, but first...you and I have some business to attend to," he replied, his smirk replaced by a suspicious look. "Where the _fuck_ have you been? And don't even _think_ about lying to me because I _will_ find out the truth."

"The hospital...check it out for yourself. I know Paul there can hack into their billing database," I said, pointing at the beefy dude in the corner of the room as I plopped down in a chair.

I tried to keep my expression as bored as fucking possible, knowing as soon as he worked his way into the system, he'd find a complete file on me including the date and time I entered the ER to the date and time I was discharged...all of which would disappear in twenty four hours.

"Even if you were in the hospital as you say, you know better than to not check in. Why the fuck should I believe a word you say?" he questioned quirking a brow at me.

There's no telling what was going through that fucker's head as he sat across from me, his gun sitting on the table in front of him and aimed directly toward me. It was only the fact that his arms were crossed over his chest that kept my nerves in fucking check...minimally. Nevertheless, I knew what answer he was looking for, and it slid from my lips as smooth as silk.

"You shouldn't. First rule of the game is trust no one...but you will," I smirked. "You will because not a single motherfucker out there can pawn your shit like I do."

"His story checks out, Boss...what the fuck is _mesenteric adentits_?" Paul asked curiously. Just as I'd fucking expected...Jared's expression as he looked at me was the goddamn epitome of "_I've got you now you little fucker...let's see you explain your way out of this shit._"

And just like sometimes it pays to know a shady fucker...sometimes it pays to be a fucking doctor's kid. When you have years of locking yourself away from your family, sometimes intense fucking boredom makes you steal his fucking medical journals and shit just to have something to do other than stare at the fucking walls around you.

"Shit...I thought I had fucking food poisoning or some shit with the way I was puking. Turns out I had a viral infection that caused some of my lymph nodes in my gut to get all inflamed and shit," I explained...amused to all get-out when Jared's cocky expression fell like a fucking boulder off a cliff.

_Take that ya dumb fuck...just because I've lived the last few years of my life as a piece of shit doesn't mean I don't fucking know shit..._

"That shit ain't contagious is it?" Paul asked, looking mildly concerned which nearly made me crack the fuck up.

"Nah...they kept my ass quarantined and pumped me full of meds until it cleared up. I woulda called you fuckers and told you, but my phone is trashed. Fucker fell in the toilet during one of my many showdowns with the goddamn porcelain gods," I grumbled, faking being annoyed...though I was still really fucking pissed at myself that I'd broken my goddamn phone in the first place.

I could have played off being missing for a fucking day or two a hell of a lot easier than this shit...but so far it seemed to be working. Stuffing my hands into the front pocket of my hoodie, I stealthily sent Kyle a text filled with bullshit characters, never taking my eyes off of Jared. He didn't have a goddamn clue what I was doing right under his penetrating gaze, and it wouldn't make a lick of fucking sense to anyone reading it, but Kyle would know it was my way of saying everything's still cool...so far at least.

"You been in contact with Jasper recently?" Jared suddenly asked, almost throwing me off my guard.

"Nah...haven't been in contact with anyone since my buddy came to get me from the hospital," I answered instantly. He was looking for me to pause to try and think some shit up...I knew what he was fucking doing.

"Someone whooped his ass right around the time you went AWOL...any clue who it was?" he questioned and I shrugged.

"Not a fuckin' clue," I lied smoothly, but couldn't stop the hairs on the back of my neck from standing on end.

Something was fucking up with him. I couldn't pinpoint what it was...but something in his demeanor was off. Way the fuck off. I'd expected him to be suspicious as hell with my sudden reappearance...but there was something else lingering there. Like there was some giant goddamn puzzle that he was putting together in his brain and he was closing in on the last few pieces. It was all in the way his eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly, as if he was trying to siphon some truth straight from my eyes. Whatever he was looking to get, he sure as fuck wasn't going to, because to date, the only fucking person that had ever been able to break through my guarded walls was Bella, and that shit wasn't gonna change any time soon.

"Here's how this shit's gonna go. You've got two ways out of this here room. Either you walk out of here fully loaded, or we drag your lifeless ass out when the sun goes down. This is the first and _only_ reprieve you'll get from my ass, you fuck up just _once_ and game's over. If you weren't as damn good at running the streets as you are, it would have ended before you even took two steps into this room."

There was no mistaking how fucking serious he was, but what he didn't know was that regardless if he'd tried to force it on me or not, he was going to get what he wanted before I'd even pulled into his driveway. I knew before I'd even left Kyle's digs that when, and _if_, I walked out of Jared's place, I was going to be running full game for him. The only thing his ultimatum did was give me a way out of having to ask to do it.

Unbeknownst to that stupid fat fuck sitting across from me, he'd just cleared me of the _one_ goddamn thing that could have raised so much suspicion that it'd not only be possible, but highly fucking probable, that I wouldn't have left that basement alive. Simply because the _only_ stupid fucks that show up after being MIA for more than a day asking to become big league players in his fucked up game...are ones that are planning to feed shit back to five-o.

But I let him play his game. I let him sit there thinking he knew he had me in a pinch. I even schooled my fucking entire disposition to appear to him as though his demand pissed me the fuck off because in his mind, doing this shit was a last goddamn resort to me.

And even now...that's _exactly_ what it fucking was. A last goddamn resort.

"So what's it gonna be Big E? You gonna run with the big dogs or request your last meal?" he smirked, and still, I played along as I narrowed my eyes at him while crossing my arms over my chest.

"What the fuck do _you_ think? I may be a lot of things...but fucking suicidal isn't one of 'em," I shot back, resisting the urge to laugh at his stupid ass when he grinned and leaned back in his seat.

"That's what I fuckin' thought. Don't be so pissy...you hustle this shit as well as you do the rest and I'll make it worth your while," he laughed, looking like a fucking psycho. "Paul...hook him up good. I wanna see what this kid can do."

I bit the inside of my tongue, knowing it would just get my ass in trouble, and shoved my hands back into the front pocket of my hoodie, sending yet another text. This shit was getting old and I needed to get the fuck out of there. His earlier demeanor was still bugging the shit out of me and making me all kinds of fucking paranoid.

I caught my bag when Paul threw it at me, almost dumping Bella's phone out onto the floor in the process...which thank Christ I hadn't. I wasn't supposed to even have a fucking phone and that would have fucked me six ways to Sunday right goddamn there. That stupid prick Embry didn't have even the slightest goddamn clue that I'd been gripping that shit in my hand when I'd lifted my sweatshirt. Jackass never bothered to check the front pocket of my hoodie.

"Three days, E. I want your ass back in here in three fucking days, hear me?" Jared demanded, pointing a chubby ass sausage finger at me as I stood and slid the bag over my shoulder.

"I'll be back before then. I've got a goddamn fortune of a hospital bill to pay off," I grumbled in irritation. Two years I'd worked for that fat fuck and yet he _still_ had no clue how quickly I could unload when I needed to. Some observant fuck he was.

"Here," he said as he unraveled the roll of cash I'd tossed him. "Throw that at 'em...it'll keep 'em off your back for a few weeks at least."

"Thanks, man," I said, trying to sound convincingly appreciative as I took it from him and did his customary triple fist pound.

One up, one down, and one straight on...fucking lame. It's like a kindergartner's fucking besties secret handshake or some shit.

"I'll see ya in a day or two," I called out over my shoulder as I made my way to the stairs.

As I left the house and walked toward my car, I swore when I got back to Kyle's I was gonna check for gray hairs because Jesus fucking Christ that shit had not only taken for goddamn ever, but had stressed me the fuck out to the point of almost blowing a circuit or some shit.

My tires chirped as I took off when I hit the street off his driveway and I made it all of three blocks before fishing Bella's phone out of my front pocket. It only took one ring for Kyle to answer, and my message for them was short.

"I'm heading back now."

When I made it back to Kyle's place, Bella nearly attacked me as tears of relief streamed from her eyes. I kissed the ever living hell out of her, both to calm her and myself down, until they stopped and then sat on the couch to part out my stash. I felt like a fucking giant piece of shit with Bella watching my every move, but I had nothing to fucking hide from her anymore. She knew what I was and knew did for money now, so seeing it really shouldn't be that fucking big a deal...but it still was to me.

It was when she frowned while I was fucking with the cocaine, measuring it out into precise amounts, that I broke.

"Bella...baby I fucking swear I won't do this shit a day longer than necessary. Just let me pay you and Kyle back and get enough money for us to run and we're outta here, okay?" I said as my head dropped, shoulders sagged, and hands fell lifeless between my knees.

"What about Alice and Jasper?" she asked and then rolled her eyes angrily. "I'm pissed at them both for not even giving a shit enough to bother helping us look for you, but deep down, I know it's the drugs that are messing them up. They need help...I just...I mean..._God_, I don't even know what I mean right now. Everything's just _so_ messed up," she rambled and I leaned back and cupped her cheek with my hand.

"First off, don't be mad at them for not looking for me. I wouldn't have expected them to after what I did to him...not that he didn't deserve it..." I trailed off, scoffing at the end because that fucker really had deserved every ounce of pain I unleashed on him for what he did to her.

I leaned over and gave her a soft kiss before pulling back and taking her hand in mine.

"Just...let me get us out first, alright? I can't fucking do that if they're running around doing the drugs he's supposed to be selling. Chances are he's not making any profit for himself...he's only making enough to pay up to Jared. I can't support all four of us _and_ save up enough for us to run too. I'm sorry...I just can't. I've tried," I told her, feeling even worse for the pain I'd cause her in leaving him behind.

"I promise, Bella. We'll come back for them and help them as soon as we can, okay?" I vowed, rubbing soothing circles on her hand.

I couldn't stand the prick anymore, but after having dealt with Ali for so long...I knew if he was able to get off the drugs he was taking, he'd probably go back to being an alright, if not obsessively overprotective, guy. But they'd both need help to get there...and more than I could give them at the moment.

"I can call Oma tomorrow...I really should anyway to apologize for not calling and not showing up. Hopefully she'll forgive me and let me come back to work...every little bit helps right?" she asked, trying to be hopeful.

"Baby...I hate asking this of you, but I need you to stay put here for a while. I know it'll suck, but I have to keep you safe. I've put myself in a shit situation and I need you to stay out of view until I can be sure that you won't be in any danger because of me," I pleaded with her.

I had no fucking idea how shit was gonna play out for a while. When I'd first started dealing, they'd watched my every move. Now that I'd fucked up...I wasn't sure they wouldn't put me under the fucking microscope again and the last motherfucking thing I needed was them figuring out that I had someone in my life that actually fucking meant something to me. Nothing good could come of that shit.

"He's right, Bella. I already talked to Mandy...she'll be staying in here with you," Kyle piped in as he came into the room, obviously overhearing us from the kitchen.

"But...what about you?" she asked him worriedly.

"Don't worry about me...I can hold my own. Done it before and I'll do it again. It's not the first time E and I have done this fucking bullshit dance. Just fucking trust us and _stay put_," he stressed, eyeing her sternly...which pissed me off but I wasn't about to say shit to him after he bailed my ass out of the hot-seat. "That means _no_ running off in the middle of the fucking night, _no_ running up to the corner store just because you want or need something. If you need something, you guys call one of us and we'll get it for you."

"Why would I be in danger because of you though?" she asked confusedly.

"Because in the two years I've worked for Jared, I've never been scared of death. They can't threaten me with it to scare me into doing something because they know that threatening me only pisses me off," I fibbed slightly. They'd done that exact thing just an hour before and I'd relented...but not because they'd threatened me with death. I'd relented because what they'd demanded had been what I'd planned to get involved in to start with.

"So if they can't hold death over me...what do you think would actually work, baby?" I asked.

She frowned as her eyes welled with tears and she ducked her face to hide them as she whispered, "Me."

"Exactly. If they knew I was involved with you and cared more about you than my own damn life...they'd use you to either punish me or get me to bend to their will, and I won't fucking risk putting you in that danger," I explained to her as I rubbed her knee all soothingly and shit.

Who the fuck knew I could be so goddamn affectionate and shit. Jesus, I have a girlfriend...well at least I think I do - should probably clear that shit up soon...for all of a day and I can't stop touching her.

Not that I ever had much control over that shit to start with. Fuck...I'd used any excuse I could get to touch her for two straight fucking months.

"Why Mandy though? She's not involved with any of it," she reasoned.

"Same reason, Bella. If they start keeping tabs on him and see her coming in and out of the same apartment...they can assume she's either involved with him or at least means _something_ to him and it puts her in the same danger. If they see me coming in and out of the apartment, they wouldn't give a shit less because I'm just some guy that's letting him crash in my pad. Everyone on the street knows E doesn't have any close friends...we've kept that pretense for good reason over the last two and a half years," Kyle elaborated for me.

I sat there praying she wouldn't retort with something asinine like "_Why would they think she's involved with him? They could just be acquaintances or semi-quasi friends or something_" because then I'd have to point out that guys almost _never_ have girls in their lives that are _just friends. _They've either fucked them in the past, are currently fucking them, or _want _to fuck them.

There are very few fucking cases where there's absolutely nothing sexual between a guy and a girl that are just "friends." Bella and Jasper's friendship was one of those cases, and ninety nine point nine percent of cases are exactly like theirs. There's nothing sexual because they look at each other like _siblings_. Adding sexual intimacy into that shit would just be fucking _wrong_ on too many levels.

In fact, just the fucking thought of it would probably render the dude fucking impotent until he could somehow manage to bleach the image of it out of his brain.

Instead of saying anything else at the moment, she rested her head in her hands, probably trying to process all of it. I knew all this shit had to be hard for her, I mean for fuck's sake, the poor girl had shit coming at her from all sides for at least the last month straight. I knew what it was like to feel like the bullshit in your life was never gonna fucking end. It sucks. I rubbed her back for a minute or two before going back to tending to my stash. I needed to get that shit done so I could start pushing it...and quickly. I wanted to get us out of this whole goddamn way of life as soon as possible because in the state I was in, the longer I stayed so close to the bullshit, the harder it would be to keep myself from using the shit again.

And I was fucking done with this bullshit.

I'd lost count of how many times dealing with fucking drugs had landed my ass in a pinch, whether through using it or fucking selling it. It didn't fucking matter. It did nothing but cause fucking destruction everywhere I turned and I wanted to be as far away from all of it as fucking possible.

"Before I forget, I put some minutes on my old trac-phone for you since you destroyed yours," Kyle said as he rose from the couch. He grabbed it off the kitchen counter and tossed it to me before turning to head toward his room, probably to check on Mandy and the massive migraine she'd been nursing since she woke up that morning.

"It'll be alright, baby," I said softly, kissing the top of her head before turning back toward the coffee table.

"Hey Kyle...thanks, man. I owe you...again," I said, feeling like a fucking failure.

He just smirked as he looked over his shoulder, continuing on his path. "You'd do the same for me, bro...and have in the past."

He was right too. He was probably the only motherfucker out here that I'd help out of a jam if he needed it, and I had in the past. While his heavy drug abuse days had ended before I'd met him, he'd still had one hell of a fucking gambling problem. I couldn't count how many times he'd blown his and Mandy's rent over the last two years and I'd bailed his ass out at the last minute when he'd borrowed money from the wrong fucking people. He'd always pay that shit back though, just as I would for him.

"Edward," Bella whispered, a tear escaping her eye just as I turned my head to look at her. "You said last night that you missed your parents. Can't we just go to them for help? I'm sure they'd be willing..."

"No, Bella. Our shit's jacked up enough without me dragging this bullshit into it. I can't fucking even _think_ about trying to fix shit with them until I'm out of this goddamn mess. I just...I can't do it," I cut her off, shaking my head. "I'm not even fucking anywhere near ready to face them _without_ all this fucking bullshit adding to the goddamn strain between us."

There was no fucking way in hell I was showing up on my father's doorstep to plead with them to help their drug dealer of a kid out of a goddamn death sentence he'd willingly signed his life away to. I could just imagine how well _that_ would go over.

I pulled her into my lap and tried to fucking convince her that everything would be alright. I had it all worked out in my head. One month...it would take me one month at the most to be able to get us into position to make a run for it. I could have us set up somewhere else within a few days tops. My only fucking problem was trying to figure out whether I'd need to grab Ali and Jasper before we bolted, or if they'd be safe enough until I could come back for them.

That shit all depended on how things played out with Jared and his goddamn henchmen over the next few weeks. Only time would fucking give me the answer I needed.

Time I feared I didn't fucking have.

* * *

_?POV - 3 Days Later_

_The officer paused to clear his throat before beginning. "We've got big problems boss. Word is Cullen's back on the street...running some pretty serious game too."_

_"Have you seen him?" he demanded immediately._

_"No, I haven't been able to find him anywhere, but the thing is..." He trailed off, distracted by the audible dismay resounding from across the room. "Captain...if he's really pushing product as quickly as they say he is...there isn't a doubt in my mind that he's gearing up to make a run for it."_

_"He runs and he's as good as dead," he muttered, hating knowing that the kid's fate would be inescapable if he didn't get to him in time. _

_"If you keep letting this go he's as good as dead," the officer argued, quickly growing frustrated by his boss's pussy footing around when it came to taking Cullen down. "We've seen this before Captain, if we don't do something, he'll be the next to disappear."_

_"Dammit...I know, I know," he growled, rubbing his hand down his face in aggravation as he made the decision that would either save the boy or cause his downfall. "Forget the evidence. We're not gonna get it on him in time. Pull everyone in and meet me at headquarters."_

_"What's your plan?" the officer inquired, pleased that they were finally making a move on the case they'd spent months working on._

_"We're taking down the shadow. With any luck he'll know where to find him." This was his best chance at getting Cullen out of there unscathed._

_Eager to take action as quickly as possible the officer inquired further, "How soon are we looking to move in? The kid's been staying at the same house for damn near two weeks so he doesn't pose much of a flight risk." _

_"Within forty eight hours," he confirmed with the same confidence that the shadow wouldn't be any trouble to take down. "My biggest problem won't be finding the shadow...it'll be getting him to talk."_


	24. Chapter 23

**A/N****:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

BPOV

In the span of three weeks time I had gone from a crack house hopping homeless teenager, to a single woman on a soul searching mission, to a crazed maniac on the prowl for her lost love, to finally a - soon to be reformed - drug dealer's girlfriend currently under _house arrest _because his pissed off drug lord boss might be inclined to try to abduct me, hold me hostage, or something much, _much_ worse in hopes of keeping Edward in the game.

Three weeks ago I thought the sun rose and set out of Edward's ass, my best friend was a law abiding citizen who was merely annoyed with my rose tinted glasses for an older guy, and his girlfriend was just a two faced recovering crack addict that sometimes fell into my good graces depending on her swing of mood in the moment. Life was just fine and dandy.

Then I got a bitch slap of a reality check. _Literally… _

If I thought my life before any of this was all sunshine and rainbows, which it sure as shit was not, then I must be over the goddamn moon now. Because all you need is love, right?

Yeah, I don't fucking think so.

Love didn't bail us out of the $1300 Edward owed Kyle for paying off his drug debt. Love didn't take away the cravings or the shakes and aches of Edward's withdrawals from taking over his entire being. And love definitely didn't stop me from going out of my freaking mind worrying that Edward might not live to see another day.

We were drowning in this clusterfuck of a shitstorm that life was just beginning to rain down on top of us.

Kyle and Mandy had done everything in their power to help Edward out. They let us move in with them completely rent free, despite the very minor baggage of having a stalker of a drug lord potentially out to get us. Yeah, Edward had tried skim over the details of exactly how much shit he was in, claiming these were just precautionary measures, but enormity the truth was impossible to hide.

Mandy and I weren't allowed to step foot outside the apartment door. Hell, I couldn't even open up the curtains to let the sunshine in because some deranged henchman might be staked out across the street with a pair of binoculars spying on the joint.

We were in deep shit. No matter much of a smooth talker Edward was, nor how foolproof he felt his plan was, we had a bright red bull's-eye painted on our front door. One wrong move and we were royally fucked.

When I'd asked him to be brutally honest with me and lay it all on the table, I never in my wildest dreams imagined just how deep down into the rabbit hole he had jumped. We were fighting our way through a freaking labyrinth, and I was completely lost in the maze. Edward thought for sure he knew the path that would lead us out. I wasn't so confident in our escape.

He kept trying to reassure me over and over again that we were going to be okay and that we were going to get out of this. He had a plan. Right, a fucking plan. This _genius plan _of his consisted of peddling a fuck ton of heroin and other hard core drugs as fast as he could in hopes of making us enough cash to run the hell out of town. Mind you, he hadn't done this before to get us off the streets because it was _dangerous_ and could possibly draw unwanted attention to him from the _cops _and, if caught, could land him twenty to life in prison. Yes, prison. What a _genius_ master plan.

The most messed up part about the whole situation? I didn't have any better ideas, at least none that he would even begin to consider. I barely got the word 'parents' out of my mouth before Edward shot that idea straight down. I suppose mentioning this to him when he was already visibly suffering from his withdrawals was probably not the best moment to broach the subject, knowing there was no way he'd want anyone to see him in such a state, least of all them. But shit, we needed help, and knowing what I'd seen of Esme, I couldn't for the life of me understand why he wasn't even willing to consider the possibility. Would it really kill him to ask?

With the never ending list of crap working against us, I was slowly but surely losing my shit a little bit more each and every day. While I know that I was far from being solely responsible for our current predicament, that didn't mean that I didn't feel like a complete dipshit for the hand I played in landing us here. After an hour long war of who screwed up and was sorry for more, Edward and I came to an agreement that self blame wasn't going to get us anywhere and we were better off concentrating on a solution rather than the cause of the problem. What's done is fucking done.

Edward hated that his dirty mouth was rubbing off on me. Apparently he missed when I would use words like freakin and frickin rather than his word of choice, fucking - this being one of my many endearing qualities, I'm sure. Too bad my virginal mouth had long since flown the coup. I suppose it happened around the time that I decided to stop being a nonchalant air-brained bystander in my own life and grew a pair.

Besides, when every single time the love of your life walks out the door, you're left with nothing but uncertainty as to whether or not the next time you'll see him will be from behind bars or, god forbid, wrapped up in a body bag, you tend to lose sight of any sort of mental or verbal filter.

I was scared goddamn shitless every single freaking, fricking, fracking, motherfucking second we were apart.

It was becoming so damn hard to just sit on the sidelines and do absolutely _nothing_ to help. I was useless. No, scratch that, I was worse than useless. I was _collateral_ for the taking. My relationship with Edward served me up on a shiny little silver platter if anyone in his drug world ever got wind of it.

And the worse part is? My heart didn't care. I didn't care that my being with him put my life in danger. I didn't care because nothing, not even a drug lord with vendetta and an Uzi - _yeah I need to stop watching so much TV _- aimed in our direction was enough to keep be away from Edward for one second more than necessary. Call me selfish, it doesn't matter. I just wanted to be with him, consequences be damned.

There wasn't anything left in my life but him that was worth anything, so what did it matter? Chances were, if something happened to him...I'd be right beside him in the end.

I'd been staring at the stupid TV - _just what I needed to be doing more of _- pretending to be entertained by some idiotic daytime talk show with Mandy for the past two hours. Edward had gotten a page late this morning and had been out since then. He was running himself ragged.

In three days time he hadn't wasted a second getting back every dime he owed Kyle and Mandy. While I was grateful that we no longer had to worry about them losing their place, I hated what Edward had put himself through in order to guarantee that. He was out making runs 'til well past five in the morning, stumbling through the door to catch a few hours of restless sleep before getting up to do it all over again. He was exhausted and short-tempered and just all around grumpy as hell, and the part that sucked the most was hating that I couldn't do jackshit to help him.

We used to keep in touch all day long, entertaining one another with goofy texts back and forth, sneaking short calls when we could, but none of that was allowed now. Edward didn't want anyone to be able to trace his cell phone back to me so the only calls made were through the apartment's landline, and even then, they were only out of necessity.

It was the little details like that that clued me in to Edward not being nearly as confident with his plan as he tried to portray, but I knew better than to bring it up because he was barely holding it together as it was.

"Fuck the monkey on your back bullshit...it's a goddamn _orangutan_," Edward muttered as he stormed into the apartment, slamming the door behind him. "Just fuckin chillin back there like _'Hey what's up dickwad?'_" he sneered, glaring over his shoulder eyes zoning in on his backpack.

_Yeah….case in point._

"Get this goddamn bag the fuck away from me because I swear to _Christ_ I'm gonna fuckin' take something if you don't," Edward snarled, ripping the bag off his back and throwing it in my direction. I picked it up, intending to hide it in our bedroom closet, but he followed me down the hall, grabbing my hand as I was reaching for the doorknob.

"Find the nearest fucking dumpster and burn it...all of it...please? So I don't do something stupid like smoke or snort or fucking ingest the goddamn shit," he pleaded from behind me. I turned to look at him, taking in his pained expression as he eyed the bag in my hands. He meant the words he'd just spoken. His restraint was wavering.

Thankfully Kyle was back from work by this point and took the backpack into his room so I could deal with Edward. As much as I would have loved to rid us of that stupid bag for good, I knew it was the only thing keeping us alive.

I returned to the bedroom to find Edward lying on his side, curling in on himself, and clenching his sides. His body was tense and trembling. From the taut expanse of his shoulders to his tight clenched fists, I could see every muscle in his body rebelling against him, fighting for a fix. It broke my heart that after this many days it was so much of a struggle for him. There wasn't a doubt in my mind, with what I had been witnessing, that Alice had never even _tried_ to wean herself off of the drugs because I had never seen her going though anything anywhere close to this.

I quietly slipped into the bed behind him, tentatively brushing my hand along his shoulder and wishing there was something, _anything_ I could do to help him.

"There's nothing you can do...it just has to pass," Edward mumbled as if knowing my question without having to ask it. He grabbed a hold of my wandering hand and pulled it around him, linking his fingers with my own as he pressed my palm against his chest. I settled in behind him, nestling my cheek into the back of his neck as I placed a trail of small kisses alongside it.

We rested quietly for nearly an hour, knowing there was no comfort I could offer him with my words. Edward absentmindedly picked at my hands, as if there was something mesmerizing about my fingertips. I felt him brush his thumb across the tip of my index finger before bring it to his lips and kissing it softly.

Turning his head to look back at me, he muttered, "You shouldn't bite your nails so fucking much."

"Sorry, nervous habit," I replied softly, leaning in the give him a soft peck on the lips, glad that he was starting to feel a little bit better.

"Mmmhmm," he hummed against my lips while he slipped a hand around the base of my neck, prolonging the kiss. He rolled over, slipping his other arm around my waist to pull me into his arms while he continued to move his lips fervently against my own.

His lips were soft as silk, gliding effortlessly in sync with my own. We never had those awkward moments of head tilts or nose bumping I'd always imagined when making out because his hands were always holding my cheeks, or gripping my neck, or winding their way through my hair, coaxing my movements together with his own, reassuring me with his touch that I was cherished and loved and adored. The heat of his skin melted my body further into him as my hands openly roamed the expanse of his chest and shoulders, enjoying the feeling of his muscles tightening and relaxing beneath my touch.

I pulled his bottom lip between my lips, sucking on it gently before his mouth overtook mine, his tongue seeking out my own. His hot hand slipped beneath my shirt, his fingers gently kneading along my hip as his thumb played along the seam of pants. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as I lost myself in the sensation of his touch.

I longed to do the same, curious what the skin along his stomach would feel like. Would his muscles clench like my own? Would my fingers leave a trail of fire behind them as they brushed gently across his abdomen as his did on mine? Would my touch affect his body as much as his did my own? God I wished I was brave enough to try, but just the thought of my hands lingering down _there_ left me frozen in uncertainty. I just wanted to touch and explore. I certainly wasn't ready for anything having to do with…_it_.

Edward had been careful never to push that part of himself against me, but he couldn't exactly hide it completely. After twenty minutes of kissing, it was impossible to disguise the response his body had to our activities. No matter what direction he shifted himself, it was still there, hard between us.

So, for now, I concentrated on the feeling of his hair flowing softly between my fingers as I ran my hand from his temple down to the base of his neck, scratching lightly at his scalp. He moaned in appreciation, hugging me tighter against him as his tongue licked the skin along the base of my neck before pulling it between his lips, sucking gently.

Edward had just began to nibble when his phone interrupted us, vibrating loudly from it's place on the nightstand. He released the skin from between his teeth, kissing the spot on my neck softly before he rolled over and reached for his phone with a disgruntled groan.

"Yeah," he answered, sounding every bit as annoyed as I felt for the interruption. His hand found mine, pulling me to sit up beside him in bed as he listened to the caller on the other line. He pulled me in to a one armed embrace, leaning down to land a kiss along my temple while the guy on the other end of the phone continued to ramble.

"Sure, I'll see ya in twenty, man," Edward replied briskly, hanging up the phone before turning towards me, pulling my lips to his for a final kiss. He shifted awkwardly letting out a grunt as he adjusted himself before making his way over to the door to grab his sneakers.

I followed him across the room, wishing we could have just stayed holed up inside our room forever, locking out the rest of the world and all of our problems along with it. Edward's pager sounded again, reminding me, yet again, that that dream was definitely not going to be coming true anytime soon. When he picked it up he scowled at the screen, chucking it across the room. Thankfully he aimed for the pillows on the bed this time, because the last thing we needed was another added expense...like replacing a broken pager for the second time in less than a week.

"Why is it, _every _time I get a fucking call the fuckers are _always_ at the complete opposite sides of the fucking city. I spend half the goddamn night driving around like I'm a fucking pizza delivery guy or some shit. I swear to fucking Christ if even _one_ _more_ fucker asks me how long it'll be 'til I get there..." he rambled, fighting with the knot in his shoe laces and getting more frustrated by the second when he couldn't get the knot out because his hands were shaking again.

Apparently it was time for another mood swing. I mean he was well past due, it had been well over an hour since the last time he'd flown off the handle over something totally stupid. I didn't know how long he was normal for him to be suffering with these withdrawal symptoms, but I hoped for both our sakes that they'd start to dwindle sooner rather than later.

"Stupid goddamn motherfucking shoe laces. Need a pair of fucking scissors…fucking knot…fucking four year olds can tie their own fucking shoes, but no, not me cause I'm a stupid motherfucker….should buy some god damn motherfucking velcro shoes." When I saw that vein in his forehead bulging out while he dug around in the drawers, no doubt looking for a pair of scissors, I knew it was time to intervene.

I pried the offensive shoe from his grasp before he could destroy the damn thing. He huffed, glaring at me when it took me all of three seconds to untangle the knot that he had been fighting for well over two minutes. I'm pretty sure he ground out the words "thank you", but it was hard to make out through his clenched teeth.

"I'll probably be out the rest of the night," he explained as he finished tying the laces of his shoes, still obviously in a piss poor mood.

I nodded in understanding, unwilling to speak knowing our alone time was coming to an end, yet unable make my voice say that I was okay with it. Each time those stupid drug addicts beckoned him away from me, I hated the lot of them a little bit more. The second we had enough money to get the hell out of here I was going to take a hammer to that pager myself, making sure no one in the drug world could ever contact him again.

He leaned down to give me a peck on the cheek before he turned to walk out the door. I frowned, hating his chaste goodbyes when he was in moods like this. I wanted to take him in my arms and tell him I loved him and hear those words in return because, as optimistic as I tried to remain, deep down inside I knew each time might be my last chance to do so. But his figure was already retreating down the hall, not even giving me a second glance.

I blinked back the tears as my eyes searched our room, taking in the sight of Edward's forgotten hoodie tossed over the back of the desk chair before moving over to the bed, covered in the rumpled comforter, a very obvious reminder of our recent activities. I looked away quickly, not wanting to tarnish the memory with my now sour attitude.

My eyes fell on the bedroom window. I longed to walk over to it, wanting one last glimpse of him before he got into his car. But then I remembered being told it wasn't safe to even peek out the goddamn windows, so instead, I stared dejectedly at the turned blinds and stupid frilly purple curtains, wanting nothing more than to rip them off the wall.

I _hated_ feeling like this.

I wanted to scream and cry all at the same time. I wanted let loose and cry out at the top of my lungs until I no longer had a voice with which to yell. I wanted to punch a hole in the wall like I'd seen Edward do last week if there was even a remote possibility that the action would help me release some of this built up tension tearing me apart from the inside out. At least the pain might be enough to distract me from wanting to cry every goddamn second he was away.

This wasn't fucking _fair_.

We're supposed to be in that stupid lovesick stage of our relationship where the only worry we'd have to deal with was wondering when we'd get to kiss again.

But no, not us. We had to deal with the _what if's_.

What if he didn't come home one day? What if his body was found dead on the side of the road? What if he just completely disappeared, leaving me not knowing what actually happened to him? What if someone found out about me? What if they used me to bait him? What if his plan failed and we couldn't find another way out of this mess?

What if, _what if…_what _fucking_ if.

I couldn't fucking take it anymore. I couldn't linger on the what ifs because every single damn one of them took Edward away from me. I refused to even _think_ about that because if I went there I'd end up locked in the bathroom curled in a ball on the floor crying my damn heart out.

Losing him was not an option. I wouldn't survive without him.

I had been so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn't even heard the footsteps entering the room and nearly jumped out of my skin when I realized Edward was right beside me, watching me intently with a hard line etched deep across his face. I wanted to throw myself in his arms, relieved he hadn't actually left the apartment after that shitty excuse for a goodbye. Instead, I held myself off, wrapping my arms around myself because I was unsure how my touch would be received, and I didn't think I could handle his rejection at the moment.

Noticing my eyes staring at anything in the room but him, Edward moved toward me and grabbed my chin, turning my face to look at him.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his tired bloodshot eyes searching my own for signs of distress. I frowned, hating that he could always read my emotions so easily, especially since the last thing he needed was to deal with my foul mood adding to the overabundance of stress he was already carrying around. I was supposed to be the strong one, the one he could lean on...not this pitiful pile of girly emo-ness.

"It's nothing really, I'm fine," I replied attempting to keep my voice even although it still cracked at the end - a dead giveaway of the emotions I was trying to hold back. He sighed, scowling at my blatant lie.

"Don't fucking lie to me, Bella, especially not when something is obviously fucking bothering you," he scolded, obviously not happy that I had been trying to hide my emotions from him. I didn't mean to keep things from him, I just didn't want him to worry. I could handle my own.

"It's not that big of a deal," I sighed, feeling stupid that this all started just because he didn't tell me he loved me before he walked out the door. I was such a _girl_.

He eyed me cocking a brow, refusing to let me out of this one.

"You left without saying I love you," I mumbled, looking past him at the photo hanging on the wall. I definitely didn't want to deal with having to watch him roll his eyes at my fine display of classic girly neediness. I was pathetic. But...he didn't react at all like I'd expected him to.

"_Fuck_, I'm sorry Bella," he grimaced, the tension immediately leaving his body as he pulled me into his arms, running his hand along the contours of my back. "I wasn't even thinking when I left, I was distracted and fucking pissed off that those fuckers were calling me away from you. I didn't mean to upset you, baby," he apologized, pleading with his eyes for me to understand. Of course I did. I'd known the reason he hadn't said it...not that knowing the reason behind it lessened the sting of it any.

"I know," I responded, biting my lip and bobbing my head in an effort to push back the tears already prickling my eyes.

"If I could run away with you this very fucking second and know you'd be fucking safe, I would, but it's not that fucking simple. This isn't something I can just walk away from," he explained, his body demeanor becoming more and more tense by the second.

I hated that he was stuck repeating the same damn things over and over again like I was a damn child that needed constant reassurance. I knew he was right, and he was doing everything he could to make sure we'd make it out of here safely. And here I was, coming across as some selfish brat for making him feel guilty - yet again - when the truth of the matter was I didn't blame him at all for any of it. This entire situation just sucked, and as much as I wanted to be able to just hold myself together and pretend that I was okay, I just couldn't do that.

I slipped an arm around his waist, burying my face in his chest, hating that this entire situation was hurting him just as much as it was me.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry too. You shouldn't have to keep dealing with me being all stupid and emo," I grumbled, pulling away slightly so I could look up at him.

"This is only for a little while longer, Bella. I _promise_ I'm going to get us the fuck out of here," he whispered reassuringly, stroking his fingers along the apple of my cheek.

My eyes closed as I nodded my head, trying my hardest not to cry. I wanted so badly to believe him, but I just couldn't push my fears aside. Biting my lip, I reopened my eyes, unable to respond, knowing that doing so would open the floodgates.

Edward sighed heavily, easily reading the emotions swimming in my eyes. He leaned down, touching his forehead to mine, our noses brushing against one another. Slipping his arms back around my waist, he hugged me close as he gazed tenderly into my eyes.

"I love you…I love you _so_ fucking much," he whispered, brushing his lips softly against mine. "I won't let _anything_ fucking happen to you," he vowed sincerely before pulling me in for another kiss.

This time it wasn't so chaste. I could feel the emotional struggle in his kiss - desperate, yearning - trying to convince me as well as himself of the truth of that statement. I realized then that he was just as plagued by our what if's and needed my reassurance just as much as I needed his. I threw myself whole heartedly into the kiss, trying to portray with my actions what I couldn't vocalize with my words.

_I love you. Everything's going to be okay. We'll make it through this together._

Of course the buzz of his goddamn pager interrupted us, reminding me once again that in order for us to reach our happily ever after, I would have to let him go and trust that he would return to me.

"Fuck," Edward groaned, glancing down at the number on the pager before tucking it back in his pocket. "I've really got to get going baby…" he trailed off, pulling me back against him, tucking my head beneath his chin as he gently swayed us back and forth.

My hands fisted his jacket not wanting to let him go. When he tried to pull away, I just shoot my head, pulling him tighter against me.

"Come here, baby girl," he sighed, walking us backwards toward the desk, prying one arm out of my grasp enough to reach behind him and grab his hoodie off the office chair. Removing one of my arms from around his waist he slipped his sweatshirt up my arm before wrapping it around my back and repeating the action with my other arm. Once his hoodie was sufficiently in place, he zipped it up, tapping me under the chin to look up at him as he did so.

"Doesn't smell the fucking greatest but at least it will remind you of me. Shit like that is supposed to be comforting, right?" he asked, looking as if he was suddenly unsure if his gesture was romantic or just plain old cheesy. I didn't care what it was, I loved him all the more for thinking of something like that.

"Yes, thank you," I replied sniffling as I reached up on my tip toes to plant a kiss on his chin.

And then his pager buzzed…_again_.

He didn't bother looking at it, but instead, pulled me into his arms one final time, burying his face in the crook of my neck and planting a soft kiss beneath my ear.

"I love you Bella," he whispered directly in my ear before pulling away. "I'll make sure to check in a few times tonight. Try not to worry so much, okay baby?" he said leaning in to leave one last kiss on my lips.

"I love you too," I breathed, leaning into his kiss despite the fact that it was meant to only be a quick peck. I couldn't help it, his touch was exhilarating, bringing my body to life with the slightest caress. He brushed the back of his hand along my cheek as the tell-tale blush set in before heading out to make his deliveries.

Countless hours later I found myself curled up on the couch with Mandy, picking at the remains of our take-out that Kyle had brought home for dinner. I always struggled with eating when Edward was out, the knots in my stomach churning endlessly. I had tried to do as he'd asked and let up on the constant worry, but it was like an involuntary response at this point. Every time I saw headlights flash against the blinds or heard a set of footsteps pass outside the door, I found myself tensing, staring at the door and waiting for it to burst open.

"Seriously Bella, you need to get a hold of yourself girl! I know you're worried about him, but _shit_, you're making me nervous over here," Mandy scolded, throwing a balled up straw wrapper at me.

"I can't help it," I whined, still staring at the door and pouting. Mandy sighed heavily before moving from her place on the couch to curl up beside me on the loveseat.

"Alright well if you're going to sit over here and be a worry-wart you might as well talk about what's going on inside that dense head of yours. Keeping it all bottled up inside can't be good for you," Mandy smirked, obviously trying to lighten my mood.

I couldn't help but crack a smile when I looked over and found her perched on the edge of her seat, staring intently at the front door with wide unblinking eyes, obviously trying to mimic my own behavior over the past thirty minutes. I kicked her playfully, knocking her back into the couch laughing. Mandy had been a Godsend this week, always willing to listen to me rant or hold me when I just needed to cry.

Once she'd recovered from her giggle fit, she settled back in beside me, bumping me with her shoulder to let me know she was done teasing me and ready to listen.

"So, what's on your mind?" she asked, leaning her head against my shoulder, assuming our typical "serious talk" position. Her touch was comforting, and not having to look at her made it easier for me to really open up.

"I was just thinking about back when I was working at the diner," I began vaguely, unsure how to voice the thoughts that had been rolling around in my head for the past couple of days.

"What about it?" Mandy probed.

"It's just something that's been bugging me. I never told Edward about it, I never told anyone about it actually..." I trailed off as my eyes glanced sideways at Mandy beside me. Her brow was furrowed, obviously wondering about my random thoughts of the diner. I directed my eyes back toward the blank TV screen and continued, "I met Esme a few weeks back. Well...not _met_ exactly, but she was there, talking to Oma," I shrugged releasing a long breath.

Mandy pulled back slightly to look at me. "Edward's mom, Esme?" she asked curiously.

"Yeah," I replied momentarily meeting her surprised eyes before turning my attention back to the straw wrapper in my hands, picking at the frayed edges. "She was...well, she was nothing like Edward had described. She was actually there asking Oma about Alice and Edward believe it or not. From what I could gather it sounded like she checked in routinely too."

Mandy sat quietly beside me, probably as shocked as I had been to learn that Esme, Edward's non-mother cared enough to be checking up on him still, even after all this time.

"And what I just can't figure out is why she was there if she doesn't really give a damn about them. She was a mess, tears streaming down her face, asking Oma for news about her kids. She wasn't this heartless step-mother Edward has painted her to be. I don't know, something about the whole thing just isn't adding up to me." I continued to pick at the straw wrapper in my hands, ripping off the fringe as I went along, lost in my thoughts.

I just couldn't shake the heartbreaking vision of Esme sobbing quietly into the kleenex when Oma told her about the improvements she'd witnessed in both Edward and Alice. I mean, why would she be so upset if she and her husband had all but thrown Alice out of the house and made Edward's life such a living hell while he was living with them...it didn't make any sense. None _at all_.

"What did Edward say when you told him?" Mandy asked quietly when I hadn't offered up any more information.

I shook my head, furrowing my brow. "You see, that's the thing. I didn't mention it to Edward because everything kind of just blew up the day after I saw her...finding Jasper snorting coke, the fight, and then my stupid move of running off on top of his disappearing...and now every time I even begin to bring up his parents he locks up and shuts me down immediately. I just don't get it," I sighed, moving my pile wrapper pieces into the trash bag at the foot of the couch before turning around to face her. "We could really use their help. I don't know why, but my gut is telling me that she'd help us. I just don't understand why he won't try asking them for help, you know?"

"Bella, he _has_ asked them for help before, and they flat out refused him. If you really think they'd give him a hand now, then talk to him about it. Just don't let him shut you down on the matter instantly. If there's really a chance that they'll help, you need to make him hear you out," Mandy replied, nudging me so I'd look at her. She smiled at me reassuringly before grabbing the remote off the coffee table and began flipping through the channels.

I knew she was right. I should at least push him to listen to me, to let me describe the Esme I'd witnessed just a few weeks ago to him. Maybe things had changed since the last time he'd talked to them and they'd be more open this time around.

We settled in for the hour or so to watch some chick flick she'd come across, not speaking any further on the matter. Just as the final credits began rolling across the screen the apartment door burst open with enough force to send it bouncing off the wall as Edward came storming into the apartment, quickly slamming it closed behind him.

"God fucking _damn it_," he growled, rushing towards the window to peek through the blinds.

"What...what is it?" I cried, jumping up off the couch and moving towards him. "What's going on?"

"I have a motherfucking tail," he snarled, digging in his pockets for his cell. Silence rang throughout the apartment as he continued to glare out the window into the night. After several rings I heard Jasper's voicemail pick up.

"Answer your motherfucking phone douchebag. We've got _huge_ fucking problems."

* * *

_?POV_

_"I've got them in my sights. You want him dead or alive?" the caller asked, nearly fucking vibrating with anticipation. _

_"Alive...just barely. Get him and the girl and get your ass back here," his boss replied and the caller's teeth clenched. _

_"What are we doing about..." _

_"Don't worry about that little fuck right now. He'll get what's coming to him. Just do what the fuck I tell you to do," his boss barked into the phone. _

_"I'm on it," he seethed and snapped his phone shut. _


	25. Chapter 24

**A/N****:**

_**NOT YOUR TYPICAL A/N...PLEASE READ!**_

**Okay so when creating this chapter, we ran into a little issue. With what we've read in other fan fics thus far, we're not sure this chapter actually warrants it's own disclaimer. We've gone back and forth over this for two weeks, but we decided to post one just as a precaution. Now while nothing in this story has been rainbows and sunshine up until this point, we are aware of the fact that there may be some of you out there who don't wish to delve into the mind frames of darker characters. With that said, should you be one of said people...do not read this chapter. **

**We're going to break this down as simply as we can...**

**Can you make it to the end of this story without reading this chapter? Yes. **

**Should you choose not to read this chapter, will you have lingering unanswered questions at the end of the story? Abso-freaking-lutely.**

**Do we think it's really all that bad or cringe worthy? Meh...not really...but then again we happen to get more excited the lower the Wussperv-friendly rating gets on a chapter.**

**If we had to give this chapter a Wussperv-friendly rating...it'd probably fall in the 40-50 range. We're not masters of the system so use guide carefully. We're like frugal to their gourmet...no fucking frills brand shit. **

**As always, **** I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**  


* * *

James POV

Piss ants. I'm surrounded by fucking swarms of low-life piss ants. I'd much rather be back at my pad fucking the shit out of the crazy bitch with the flaming red hair standing next to me.

_Victoria... _

Damn fine piece of ass and fun to play with because she's just as fucking sick as I am. A lady in the streets but a freak between the sheets does _not_ describe this chick. She's a serious form of demented...and I fucking dig it.

Too bad I have a job to do tonight, and it's one I've been itching to get my hands on for a goddamn year. Her sweet cunt will just have to wait for its next pounding. Pity.

"Is he here yet? This place is a shithole," she whined.

Okay, so her pussy is fucking golden...but her mouth? Yeah...only useful when it's doing something like sucking my cock or screaming around a ball gag.

"No." My answer was short and clipped because I was sick of her fucking asking that question. I was also sick and fucking tired of waiting around while all these teeny bopper crackheads ran around us in circles. This was not the type of crowd I typically hung with. The sooner that lanky fucker dragged his ass through the door, the sooner Victoria could bait his ass and we could get the fuck out of this place. "Go back to mingling. I'll let you know when he gets here."

A fucking year I'd been salivating over the thought of getting my goddamn hands on that punk Edward. An entire fucking year...and now was my chance. If his prick of a sidekick was cutting Jared's drugs I'd be able to nail them both. There was no fucking way that know-nothing little shit would have known how to properly cut drugs without completely destroying the shit. Even Jared wouldn't be able to deny that he would have had to have learned it from someone...and I knew just who that piece of shit someone was.

_Big-fucking-E. _

He thinks he's invincible...slicker than fucking Crisco, but I've been on to his ass for quite some time. A fucking year I'd been warning Jared that this fucker was up to no good. Call it a sixth sense or whatever the fuck you want, but there's just always been something about him that's rubbed my ass the wrong way. No motherfucker out here is truly that goddamn cocky 24/7 and if they are...it's a fucking front. A show. The question was...what the fuck was he hiding behind it?

That little shit was a smooth talking son of a bitch. Fucker had every god damn member of the Black family thinking he was a motherfucking golden boy. God's fucking gift to their operation because he's so good at reading people or some horseshit. Too bad that fucker never got a good read on me. Stupid son of a bitch thinks I'm a world class crackhead. Funny part is I never touch the shit. I buy that shit from every fucking street runner in Jared's crew and hand the shit off to Rizzo to test it and make sure no one's fucking with the goods.

Just thinking about what I'd do to the pair of them if this punk Jasper's shit was cut - not to mention that fine little fragile waif of a girl that hangs off Edward's nutsack - made every muscle in my body thrum with excitement.

When Rizzo got a hit on some laced product, I _knew_ right down to my fucking bones where it was coming from. The bitch of it was, that slick fuck hadn't ever been stupid enough to sell that shit to me.

Yeah he might have had one or two more functioning brain cells than some of the dumb shits that ran the streets in the past, but it didn't matter anymore. If this night turned out the way I was planning, I'd have that prick begging for death by the time I was done with him. His girl...well I wasn't sure how long she'd be able to hold out, but I had plans on prolonging that shit as long as possible. In fact, making that piss ant watch on helplessly was starting to sound like a goddamn glorious idea. Anything to show him how truly fucking worthless his ass was.

Fuck, two months ago I heard Jared was talkin about his fucking plans to promote that motherfucker to joining the inner circle of the business. Bringing him in to the fucking faimily. God damn fucking bullshit. I'd been aiming for that spot for five god damn years. Five fucking years I'd been that fat fuck's bitch, running the streets making sure no motherfucker got away with screwing with his business. Sure I enjoyed the piss outta torturing the dumb fucks who were stupid enough to try to cross him, but it was about time I got my motherfucking payday. And here, after not even two fucking years of running small time game, they were going to pass me up and hand my spot in the family over to that piss ant.

Fuck that bullshit. I'd worked too goddamn hard and been too goddamn good at what I do to be passed up for a fucking _kid _who knew jack shit about what the streets were really like.

That little bitch doesn't have the slightest fucking clue how many times I've had to step in and protect his ass. How many fuckers I'd had to send to the hospital or spent the night fucking dumping in holes where they'd never be found because Jared insisted they were a threat to his pride and fucking joy. Jesus Christ, the kid goes off and fucks some dickhead's chick and gets his ass beat and Jared sends me in to do the fucking clean up. Piss ant gets a broken arm and a fucked up car, and what happens to the dude whose chick he fucked?

He gets torched and buried six feet under in the middle of fucking nowhere.

Fuck that shit. I was done being Jared's bitch and I was fucking finished being a goddamn bodyguard to a fucking good for nothing piss ant. Pretty boy needs to learn how to protect his goddamn self...and quick, because he's about to meet his maker.

For supposedly being so slick and street smart, Edward really is a stupid ass punk. Even the dumbest of the dumb know to never fucking fall off the grid, because we don't give a fucking shit where you went. We don't give a shit if you were sitting in a jail cell or if you were drinking a goddamn Mai Tai under a fucking palm tree on the beach...when you reappear, you're fucking _dead. _Trust is a bullshit concept in our world and Jared trusts _no-one_. Not even his own fucking brothers.

At least that's how shit had always been _before_ that little prick showed up. Apparently he is the fucking second coming of Christ...able to walk on water in this business just like goddamn Jesus.

"Tell me again why we're even wasting time doing this bullshit anymore when you're just gonna put a bullet in E's head anyway," Victoria whispered after sidling up to me and then pulled away and pouted up at me, "I'm bored...these people are dull."

"You _know_ why, Vic. I want to take my time with this fucker and if I don't have the go ahead from Jared, I can't do that. It'll be quick and painless because I'm not about to ruin everything I've worked so fucking hard for over a goddamn piss ant little kid," I seethed into her ear.

It was fucking bullshit. Any other motherfucker who had the balls to disappear like that would have been handed over to me as soon as they showed their fucking face again. But oh no, not Jared's fucking glory boy. No, that kid had been given a fucking _reprieve_ that no motherfucker had ever gotten before. Not only did that fat prick take away my chance to have a little fun with that little punk, but he fucking let that little shit off the hook _completely_.

I couldn't understand that fucking shit. Not at all. This fucking piss ant had broken the fucking rules. He'd disappeared, and not even for a day or two but for almost two fucking _weeks_. The only punishment that kid got was a fucking tail, and who did Jared have following that little prick around? _Me_. Six fucking days I'd been following his ass around, and I'd spent every goddamn minute of it waiting for him to fuck up.

But he never did.

Dickhead was running clean as a fucking whistle and it infuriated me because deep down I _know _he's fucking playing games. The fucking smug "_I told you my boy is straight up_" tone in Jared's voice every motherfucking time I had to check in and tell him that prick was still on the straight and narrow boiled my goddamn blood. Jared's fucking level of respect for that piss ant had always pissed me the fuck off because the kid had honestly never done anything to fucking deserve it.

He'd never taken someone's life to protect Jared's business. Had never put his own fucking life on the line to keep another fucker safe. _I had. _Motherfucker never gave me half the goddamn respect he'd given Edward. It was complete fucking _bullshit_. Sure, E had a fucking knack for getting the 411 on possible rats, could spot a fucking nark a mile away, and had some type of fucking supernatural five-o deflector that somehow kept his ass under their radar, but not one of those fuckers, not Jared or a single one of his prick brothers could see what I could. Not one of their retarded asses could see the fucking con artist beneath the surface. They all looked at him like he was the second coming of Christ for shit's sake.

But I can spot a dirty fuck when I see one. I could spot his ass, but for the fucking life of me I couldn't figure out what goddamn game he was playing, and that shit pissed me the fuck off. A fucking year I'd been trying to piece that fucker's game together.

Yeah, he was a stealthy little shit, I'll give him that much...but it doesn't fucking matter anymore because either which way, his hours are fucking numbered. I personally polished and shined the bullet with his name on it before loading it in my clip.

That fucker was going down, and I was gonna be the one to pull the trigger with a motherfucking grin on my face.

"Do you think he was really in the hospital?" Vic asked curiously.

"Fuck no. I was with Rizzo the day we saw that fucker's friend and his little bitch drag his ass into that apartment. He wasn't sick, he was fucking ripped out of his mind," I scoffed. That hospital excuse was bullshit and I fucking knew it. How the fuck he managed to get records of it falsified was pretty goddamn slick, but it was bullshit nonetheless...but of course I couldn't get that fat fuck to see that shit. His stupid ass fell for it hook, line and sinker. Dumb fuck.

Just as I lifted my eyes back up to the front door of the apartment we were in, I spotted that kid Jasper and threw myself back into the shadows of the room I'd been staking out in, "Heads up, ten o'clock. Just walked in with the short brunette. Work the party, do your thing, get the shit and get the fuck out. Understood?"

"Please...this is a fucking cakewalk and you know it," she smirked after eyeing her target. I swooped in and kissed her roughly, lacing that shit with a promise for more later.

"I'll be waiting down the block," I told her as she licked her lips and fixed her lip gloss. She nodded and adjusted her tits as I crossed the room and slipped out the window onto the fire escape.

That kid wouldn't recognize her, but he sure as shit would remember me and we couldn't risk him getting suspicious over anything. He'd never sold me dirty product, and I had a fucking hunch that E had warned him not to. If he spotted my ass in that party, there was no way in fucking hell we'd get what we needed unless I jumped his ass and stole his shit and I wanted to save my fucking energy so I could make the best of my playtime with the fucking piss ant.

I made my way down the alley, keeping to the shadows and slipped back into the cover of my car to wait. Figuring I had some time to kill I pulled out my stack of surveillance photos from the glove box and started sifting through them. There was just enough fucking light filtering in from the streetlamp to see the photos clearly and it only took me a few seconds to find the ones I was looking for.

The girl. That innocent little faced and frail framed brunette.

There was just something about her that called to me. Those fucking doe eyes that had probably never witnessed gruesome violence other than Hollywood's portrayal of it. Her pale skin that had never been marked by brutality.

She was a clean canvas...and I wanted to paint it. I wanted to mark her with shades of pain in purple and red and watch as the innocence drained from her eyes. Fuck, just thinking about all the things I could do to her made my cock harden and throb painfully.

I'm a sick fucker, I'll be the first to admit it. One of the things I love about Vicky is that she lets me play the way I like, she lets me cause her pain and plays along with all of my fantasies...but it's getting old. It was fun in the beginning because she's a good actress and her screams always got me off hard, but it never fully sated me because she fucking got off on it just as much as I did.

I didn't want her to enjoy it. I wanted the screams to be real. I wanted the pain to cause fear not a goddamn orgasm.

I scowled at the one picture I had of her smiling at the piss ant. She may be nameless, but the way he looked at her screamed that she belonged to him. I hated that lovesick look in their eyes. I wanted to see them filled with fear and pain.

I looked around when the throbbing in my cock became too much to fucking ignore any longer and checked the time on my cell, grunting when I realized I'd only been in the car for ten fucking minutes.

Figuring I had some time to kill, I flipped through the pictures, looking for the one specific one I always used to get my rocks off. It was the only one I had of her where her eyes even remotely resembled how I wanted to see them. It was the fucking money shot because I'd taken it while E was in the middle of his disappearance act and she'd been running around with her friend probably looking for his stupid ass. Her eyes were frantic, filled with worry, anxiety, and anguish...and I fucking _loved _it.

I stared straight into her eyes and imagined all the things I would do to her as I unzipped my jeans and pulled my cock out. As I stroked it roughly, I thought about how she'd beg and plead for me to stop, how she'd cry and tremble in fear. Before I knew it, I was panting and groaning, bucking up into my hand, but I couldn't fucking come to save my life.

It was _right fucking there_, but it wouldn't fucking explode. I growled and threw the photos onto the passenger seat and threw my head back against the seat as I gripped myself even tighter and sped up the motion of my hand, letting the mental imagery continue to play in my head...but it still wasn't enough.

I opened my eyes and went to grab the photo again, but spotted the one of her and the piss ant again and instantly the visual of him bound and gagged with tears running down his face as he watched me have my way with her sent me soaring over the edge, coming hard into my palm as my other fist slammed against the door of the car.

When I came back to my senses, I instantly knew...it wasn't just her innocent eyes. It wasn't just her unmarked skin...my obsession with her was because she was _his_.

A vicious grin spread across my face as resolve set in. I didn't give a fuck anymore if that kid's shit came back clean. When Jared gave me the order, I wasn't going to play by his rules. E was gonna suffer...and so was _she_.

I cleaned myself up, tossing the cum saturated napkin out the window before putting the photos back in the glove box and continued to wait for Victoria.

"Did you get it?" I asked as she slipped into the car nearly an hour and a fuckin' half later.

"Of course," she scoffed as she pulled the bags out of her bra and waved them at me.

"What the fuck took so goddamn long then?" I bitched as I started the car, wanting to get the fuck out of there. I had other things to look forward to at that point, and for once it wasn't going to be fucking role playing with Vicky.

"He wouldn't sell to me cuz he's never seen me around before. In fact, he flat out denied that he sells..."

"Then how the fuck did you get it?" I cut her off. My teeth ground together thinking about the reasons he would refuse to sell to an unknown face. That slick fucker E had taught him how to run the streets just like he did, and apparently had taught him well.

"Well if you'd let me fucking finish," she snapped with a roll of her eyes that I just caught as we passed under a streetlamp. She's fucking lucky I didn't reach out and deck the shit out of her, and not in a goddamn playful way either. "I acted like I was bent and made nice with that twit Lauren that owns the place. One little trip to the bathroom with her to slip her some money and she came back five minutes later with it."

I grabbed my cell from the cup holder in the car and flipped it open to call Jared.

"Tell that prick he better pay up when we get there," she huffed and I barked out a laugh.

"Yeah...if you want to see the light of day tomorrow, I won't. You know better than to say some shit like that to him."

Dumb bitch never learned. Jared only ever used her ass when he needed an unknown face because he couldn't fucking stand her. He'd beaten the shit out of her once simply for giving him attitude, left her ass in the hospital for two weeks. And yet, even after that, she still had the balls to act like the bitch she is.

Case in point of why role playing with her doesn't sate my desire anymore. She thrives off of pain. Bitch has no fear.

"Get it?" Jared asked as his only form of greeting. All business...all the time. Even when he pretends to be social and friendly it's always for a purpose.

"Got it. Be there in twenty," I responded, working to keep my increasing excitement undetected.

"James...you know the deal. No dirt, no death," he warned and my jaw clenched.

"No dirt, no death," I repeated. "Understood."

"See you in twenty then," he said and then hung up.

"Soo...if this shit comes back dirty, can I play too? It's been too long," she grinned excitedly.

"Whatever...but if this shit comes back clean, you keep your goddamn mouth shut when we're done," I warned and she nodded. "I fucking mean it, Vicky. This shit goes to the goddamn grave with you. Don't fuck with me because I'll put your ass in there with them if I even _think _you'll squeal."

"I got it, I got it. Relax, Jay...when have I ever spoken a word of anything we've ever done behind that fucker's back?" she scoffed and I grinned.

E wasn't the only one running games. I was just better at playing mine.

Twenty minutes of listening to Vicky's mundane bullshit and amateur plans for our pair of lovesick fools paired with the anticipatory excitement steadily rising within me, had left me pacing the floor as I awaited Paul's verdict on the goods.

"It's fucking dirty...and he's slick as shit," Paul laughed. "Smart fuck used baking powder instead of baking soda because it's finer grained."

"I FUCKING KNEW IT!" I belted as I spun toward them and jabbed a finger at Jared as he sat behind his desk. "I fucking told you those prick fucks were running game on you, but you didn't believe me."

"Hold your horses, just because E's sidekick is a dirty piece of shit doesn't mean E's behind it," he argued. I nearly fucking exploded. I could have pulled my fucking piece out of my waistband and blown his ass away right there.

He'd been going on for fucking _weeks_ about how if I got him the proof he wanted, he'd take them both down, but low and fucking behold goddamn Glory Boy Resurrected Jesus Fucking Christ was walking on water yet again. I half expected that if E walked through the goddamn door in that moment, that fat fuck would have sat him down and kneeled before him to wash the dirt of his travels off his feet like it was some fucking honor to do so. It was fucking sick the amount of respect and trust he put in that little piss ant when he didn't respect or fucking trust any other motherfucker that had ever crossed his path.

"Are you fucking kidding me?! You know as well as I do that that kid didn't know jack shit about this game when E brought him in. You don't just up and decide one day to toss shit from your spice cabinet into your stash of drugs. Someone has to teach you how to do that shit the right way!" I fumed, sick and fucking tired of how that prick little fuck could do no wrong in their eyes. It was horseshit. He had all of them fooled, bunch of fucking sheep with blinders on completely fucking unable to see the truth right in front of them.

"Anyone could have taught him that," he retorted, giving me a warning look that made me want to put my fist through his fat face.

"Anyone like fucking who exactly? We've been keeping tabs on his ass for almost two fucking months, and you know just as fucking well as everyone else in this room does that he doesn't know a single other fucking drug dealer out there on these streets. He runs with the same fucking people day in and fucking day out," I argued. Motherfucker had to see the light at some goddamn point because this shit was just ridiculous.

"Jared...he's right," Jacob finally fucking piped in. It wasn't often that he ever interjected, but it was about goddamn time he stepped in. This goddamn business was just as much his as it was Jared's.

"Jake..."

"No, Jared. Listen, I like the kid just as much as you do, but Jay's right. That kid had to learn how to do that shit somewhere and E's the one who taught him how to play the game. We can't deny that if this kid's dirty, E is too," Jacob cut his brother off as he rose from his seat and walked toward where Paul had the dirty drugs spread before him. He licked his thumb and swiped it through the white powder and rubbed it against his top gum. "He's a pro at the game, Jared. You know it, I know it...everyone in this business knows it, and this shit right here fucking proves it. I've tasted my fair share of dirt before, and this...no fucking run of the mill dumb fuck that's already blitzed out of their skull would be able to tell the difference. There's an art to pulling shit like this, and E's about the only motherfucker smart enough to know how to do it right. There's no other explanation."

"Fuck this shit...he's been working for us for two goddamn years. Every time we've picked up dirt on the street, we've known who was behind it. This shit just appeared when Jasper started peddling goods," Jared shot back instantly.

Jesus motherfucking Christ! Did he have a goddamn mancrush on E's ass or something?! Even his fucking brother could put two and two together. This motherfucker tries adding it up and comes up with _three_ instead of goddamn motherfucking_ E_.

"You're not fucking getting it, bro," Jacob growled as he jammed his finger against his temple. "He's been getting away with it because he knows how to do the shit right. And this shit right here? Not as good as the stuff Paul found on the north side...which leaves only one explanation. The first sample was E's...not his fucking protoge's. If you don't make the call...I will."

As that fat fuck sat there warring with his man love of E, I'd finally had enough. I couldn't sit there for another fucking minute. His inability to give a goddamn order that he wouldn't have thought twice about dishing out if it were for any other motherfucker made me want to goddamn vomit. One of two things were going to happen if I continued to sit there. I was either gonna fucking lose my shit and end up being the instigator in a fucking hailstorm of bullets, or I was going to open my goddamn mouth and call him out on all of his bullshit. Option one would leave my ass dead and E's ass running the streets, and option two would destroy everything I'd been working for for five goddamn years...and possibly leave my ass dead while that prick ran around on the streets with Jared's bromantic bullshit acting as his fucking bulletproof armor.

I had to get the fuck out of there, because there was no way in fucking hell I was allowing that fucking little piss ant to keep running the streets untouched.

"What the fuck ever, you guys can work this shit out. I'm outta here, you _know_ how to find me," I sneered knowing the fuckers would catch my god damn drift. Jared shot me a fucking warning glance before I waltzed out the door. I didn't give a flying fuck if he didn't like that comment. At least it was the motherfucking truth.

Vic was sitting on the fucking hood of my car toked out of her goddamn mind when I got back. Great, just what I _didn't_ want to fucking deal with tonight. Stupid cunt gets all kinds of frisky when she's flying high. Normally I was all about that shit, but not fucking tonight.

Tonight the only bitch I wanted to tie up and fucking gag was that walking form of pristinely unblemished virginal canvas. I still remember the first time I saw that chick nearly three fucking months back. I'd been checking out a lead on some dipshit that had been ratting out one of our dealers to five-o. Some douche named Felix supposedly had information, and I was sent in to check that shit out.

So there I was, working the fucking scene, prying for bits of any goddamn information he and his cronies might have when, low and motherfucking behold, Big fuckin' E walks through the door. I slipped out onto the tiny ass balcony right outside the kitchen before he could spot me in the crowd. I didn't want that dip shit getting curious over my presence there. He'd never seen my ass anywhere other than my pad, and I'd kept that shit that way for a purpose. He didn't know, and didn't need to fucking know how closely I was tied in with the business.

And that's when I spotted _her_...

My cock sprang to life instantly at the sight of her fucking wide open eyes as she cowered in the corner all fucking frozen in fear. It was motherfucking beautiful. Jesus fucking Christ it wasn't like there was anything that fucking dramatic going down in there - just a fucking three-some on the couch - but the way her face blanched when she eyed the herion needles in the corner, I knew I had hit the motherfucking jackpot of playtoys.

How someone gets to be her fucking age without being touched by the sins of the world was beyond me, but just one goddamn look into her fucking terrified doe eyes and I knew that girl had never been touched. Completely untainted and ready for the taking. I would have thrown her into the trunk of my car that very fucking second if it weren't for the fact that E was already making his way over toward her.

I about lost my shit when I saw the piss ant pull her into his arms and start to fucking wipe her tears off her face. It was a fucking travesty. She was completely fucking perfect when she was just standing there literally shaking in her motherfucking boots, not even able to blink the tears out of her goddamn eyes because they were frozen wide the fuck open.

I'd looked many a motherfucker in the eye just before I took their goddamn life and _not_ _one_ of those fuckers' faces had ever displayed the pure unadulterated fear and horror that her eyes had held in that moment. I could have stared at her face all fucking night because it was the most beautiful goddamn thing I had ever seen. Then that piece of shit had to go and ruin it all by putting his grubby fucking fingers on her face, erasing the beauty of her tears, and bringing her eyes back to life with his fucking touch. Fucking idiot didn't appreciate a good thing when he saw it.

As soon as the bastard pulled her into the fucking bedroom with his sidekick trailing after them, I knew, as much as I didn't want to leave that sweet young thing behind, I had to get the fuck out of there. But I never forgot her fucking face.

Imagine my motherfucking surprise the day I come across her fine ass just a few weeks later when I stopped in some fucking hole in the wall diner for some grub. God fucking damn the moment she showed back up on my radar I about lost my shit. She was so fucking close, standing there with her shy little voice asking me what I'd like to eat. I couldn't resist reaching out to grab her arm as she turned to walk away. I wanted so badly to dig my fingers into her flesh, but there were too many fucking people around...so I let her go and asked her to add fries to my meal.

Running into her again was like fucking fate. She was meant to be mine and only mine. She felt it too...the way her body tensed the moment my fingers touched her skin...she knew.

I stuck around for the rest of her shift that day, waiting for the chance to catch her alone and off guard, but I never got it. Not once did she leave the line of sight of the others in the diner, not to head outside for a smoke, or take the trash out, or even to wash some fucking windows. It irritated me to no fucking end, and when I saw E's goddamn piece of shit Volvo coming down the street I nearly flipped the fuck out.

I thought for sure she would've bailed out on his ass after that night at Felix's. I swore my opportunity to experience destroying that divine degree of innocence had escaped right along with her as she fled as far as she could fucking get from what she'd witnessed that night. But no, oh no...she'd fucking stuck around. With _him_. As if he was fucking worth it.

I used every chance I could get after that to track her down, looking for my prime opportunity to take her...but that motherfucker E made it goddamn impossible. He never left her alone and unguarded. Not for one fucking minute.

Then he fucking disappeared...and goddamn Jared put me on fucking surveillance duty over his goddamn sidekick. Ruined all my motherfucking plans. Every time the opportunity arose for me to finally claim her...some stupid motherfucker goes and ruins it...and I was fucking sick and tired of it. I wanted her, and I fucking wanted her _now_.

I couldn't fucking wait any longer to get my claws into her, leaving a trail of blood across her chest as I carved my name into her porcelain skin, marking her permanently as my own...but that was just the tip of the iceberg of what I wanted to do to her.

"So what's the plan?" Vic purred, dipping her hand under the waistband of my jeans as I tried to pull her ass off my car. Fuckin' bitch would leave a dent in the hood if she wasn't careful.

"We're waiting...that's the fucking plan. Now get your ass in the car, I've got shit to do tonight," I growled, grabbing her hand and shoving it away from my crotch.

"Ooh...I like it when you're rough," she purred again as she slid down off the hood. I just rolled my eyes at her as I yanked my car door open, cunt was lucky she wasn't wearing anything that would scratch up the fucking paint.

"Not now, Vic...just get in the fucking car. I'm dumping your ass off at my place for the night," I warned, pulling an envelope of cash from my back pocket before sliding into my seat. When she slid in next to me I tossed it to her, "Jared says try not to snort it all in one night."

"You're dumping me off? What the fuck, Jay! I've been here for five days already and we've only fucked once!" she yelled as she threw her hand into my chest. I grabbed it and crushed it between my fingers as I palmed her face and shoved it into the passenger window, hard.

"I _told_ you I'm fucking _busy_. You ever lay a fucking hand on me like that again and I swear to fucking God I'll rip it right off your motherfucking arm," I seethed, smacking her head into the window once more to drive the point home. She knows damn well never to hit me unless we're fucking. No motherfucker lays a hand on me unless I tell them to.

She was silent the entire drive to my apartment, probably stewing in her fury that I was blowing her ass off again, but I didn't give a shit enough to try smoothing shit out with her. She wasn't going anywhere and we both fucking knew it because there wasn't anyone else out there sick enough to give her what she needed to get off. In fact, her being pissed at me would probably make our next fuck a little more entertaining for me.

"Don't be such a pissy bitch, Vic. One more day without my cock won't fucking kill you," I chuckled as she threw the car door open and scrambled out in front of my building.

I peeled out after she slammed the car door, leaving her ass in a cloud of dust and dirt. I didn't give a shit what her fucking problem was. She could either get the fuck over it or get lost as far as I was concerned, I had other shit to focus on at the moment and having her around would only be a fucking distraction.

I drove across town quickly, always keeping my eyes out for the piss ant's lame ass Volvo. I didn't spot it, but I didn't fucking care. It wasn't him that I was watching anymore.

I pulled up across the street of the building he'd been squatting in since his return and killed the engine. She was in there...I knew she was. Sheltered away from the world, undetected and unseen by anyone. A hidden treasure just waiting for me to lay my claim...and I would.

Three hours I sat there just waiting and watching for any sign of life from within that shitbox apartment. A shift of the curtains, a bending of the blinds as she tried to see what laid outside the realm of her safety box...but there was nothing. My cell phone vibrated in the cup holder, drawing my attention away from the dark windows with just the slightest bit of light from within framing them along the edges. I flipped it open and grinned wickedly as I read Jared's words on the screen.

**Game's over. Bring the sidekick in. You've got til sunrise to make him sing.**

Oh this was gonna be fun. Torturing confessions out of people was a specialty of mine, and I had no doubt that little pussy would be spilling his guts in no time. It was all finally fucking coming together. Cullen and the girl would be mine before sundown tomorrow.

Just as I was getting ready to start the car back up, headlights came speeding down the street. My hand dropped away from the keys as I watched E pull into the lot and hop out of his car. His gaze circled his surroundings momentarily but then locked on my car, his brow furrowing and eyes narrowing as he continued to stare at it. I laughed to myself as I pulled my piece from my waistband, knowing that fucker couldn't see through my dark ass window tint, and aimed the barrel right at his piss ant little head.

"You're mine you fucking little piece of shit," I growled as I pulled the trigger. My fingers were itching to release the safety, but I hadn't been patient this fucking long to have his death be that fucking clean. Fuck that...he was gonna suffer. His little bitch would too.

"Run while you can dickhead," I smirked as he turned and practically ran up the steps. "Nothing can save your ass this time."

I started the car as soon as the door shut behind him and took off down the street, leaving my headlights off until I was out of sight. Making my way back to that little skank Lauren's place only took a few minutes, but what I found when I got there pissed me off to no fucking end.

The place was empty. Completely fucking deserted.

I punched my dashboard, cracking the fuck out of it which only pissed me off even more. Grabbing a hold of my phone, I hit Jared's number on speed dial and filled him in on the situation.

"Check in when you find him. Our plans may change. This mess needs to be cleaned up before we make our run for the next incoming shipment."

I was fucking seething when he hung the fuck up on me. There was no way in fucking hell this little transient pussy motherfucker was going to ruin my plans for E and his little cunt. I'd find his ass and make him squeal. Jacob, Paul and Sam could handle the shipment, and if they extra protection they could use Laurent. That motherfucker packed just as much heat as I did and was just as fucking ruthless. The only difference was he just viewed it as his job. I enjoyed the fucking shit to no end. Meeting up with those Columbian fuckers Marcus and Cauis was always like a goddamn game to me.

Tensions between the Volturi and Black families had been running high for fucking years...ever since their father, Aro, tried to fuck Jared's old man, Ephraim, by selling him a half a mil of straight up dirt. That's when Jared took the family business over. Crazy ass motherfucker put a bullet between his old man's eyes and shipped Aro's remains to his sons as a warning to never try to pull that kind of shit again. Every time we made a smuggling run, I went in hoping that they'd try to run game on us...but they never did. The only excitement I ever got out of the runs was the goddamn adrenaline rush. To me, there is no greater joy in life than the sound of someone screaming in pain, watching them beg and plead for their lives - and I wasn't going to get that shit on a fucking drug run.

For a homeless motherfucker with no goddamn wheels, that little shit Jasper was good at disappearing. I spent the entire fucking night looking for his ass. I hit up every motherfucking spot I'd seen him cross during the days Jared had me running surveillance on him...and that lanky fuck was nowhere to be found. The house he'd been crashing at for over two weeks was just as goddamn vacant as the apartment where the party had been earlier that evening.

Noon...that's when I finally fucking spotted his girlfriend walking toward the house they'd been staying at...but he wasn't with her. I'd been driven to fucking insanity with rage during the hours of searching for their asses. I took off down the street, knowing that if she was around he couldn't be far behind. Just as I thought, I spotted his ass walking toward a corner store just a few blocks away from the house and flipped my phone open instantly.

"I've got them in my sights. You want him dead or alive?" I asked, nearly fucking vibrating with anticipation.

"Alive...just barely. Get him and the girl and get your ass back here," he ordered and my teeth clenched.

"What are we doing about..."

"Don't worry about that little fuck right now. He'll get what's coming to him. Just do what the fuck I tell you to do," he barked into the phone.

"I'm on it," I seethed and snapped my phone shut.

I gunned the engine of the car, my tires squealing as I slammed on my breaks just before hitting him. The stupid fuck spun around and fell to the ground, terrified when he spotted me as I stepped out of the car.

"Oh, _Jasper_," I grinned wickedly as he tried to scramble to his feet. "You done fucked up motherfucker."

He took off down the street and I followed hot on his heels. When he almost lost his footing while turning down an alley, I launched myself at him and threw him into the brickface of a building. His bag dropped to the ground as he stumbled and I reached out, lifting him by the collar of his shirt.

"You fucking little shit...thought you could get away with fucking Jared out of money?" I hissed, pushing him into the wall again as he struggled against me, trying to block my blows and escape my grasp.

I slammed an elbow hard into his temple, making the other side of his head smack into the brick wall. I had to give it to the little shit, no matter how many hits he took from me, he continued to give everything he had in him in his fight to get away from me.

"You fucking punk bitch!" I roared as his fist connected with the bridge of my nose. I fisted the shoulder of his shirt as I reached behind me to pull my piece from my waistband. I was done fighting with this fucker, with one hit he'd signed his death certificate. I didn't give a fuck if Jared got pissed at me over it or not.

My fingers had just brushed against the cool metal of my glock when fucking sirens ripped through the air. I tilted my head to the side and spotted a pig in his car sitting at the end of the alley.

I was fucked.

My grasp on the pussy little bitch only lessened for a second but that little prick took advantage of it, pushing against me and disappearing down the alley as the fuckin' cop got out of his cruiser.

"There a problem here?" he asked, placing his hand on his sidearm.

"No sir, just a little scuffle. Punk tried to mug me," I lied smoothly, pretending to be out of breath.

"I see," he replied as he scrutinized me and surveyed the scene. My fingers twitched to pull my gun out to get rid of him, but I knew that shit would have to be a last fucking resort. All it would take would be one witness to that shit before I could get rid of the body and the squad car and this whole fucking place would be swarming with pigs.

"What's your name?" he asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

"Daniel Langston," I lied again without hesitation. He looked around the scene once more before settling his steady gaze on me.

"Well, _Daniel_, move it along and keep clear from the area. I don't want to see you around here again today," he said as he narrowed his fucking eyes at me.

"Yes, sir," I nodded, reaching down to grab the pussy prick's bag. I tossed it over my shoulder and kept my eyes on the ground as I moved past him.

"Oh, and Daniel?" he called and I turned to see him standing behind his open cruiser door. "Next time someone tries to mug you, just give it to them. Nothing's worth losing your life over."

I forced the best innocent smile I could muster onto my face and nodded to him, "I'll keep that advice in mind."

Stupid fucking pig. Dumb motherfucker didn't have the slightest idea how close he came to losing his own life just for sticking his fucking nose where it didn't belong. I kept walking in the opposite direction of my car until his squad car turned the corner and disappeared. I took all of four more steps before turning around and bolting back to my car. As I peeled away from the curb and did a quick one eighty in the middle of the road, I flipped my phone open and hit the number for Jared.

"What?" he barked when he answered.

"Whitlock got away. Five-o rolled up and the little fuck ran," I growled, pissed the fuck off. Nothing was fucking going according to plan and I was sick of fucking waiting. "I'm heading to the house where the girl is now. That's probably where he's headed."

"Change of plans, I'm sending Paul out to you. Take them down, we're done playing these games..."

"I don't fucking need Paul to get this shit done," I spat viciously.

"Just sit tight and stay out of sight until he gets there. I want this done quickly and _silently_. No fucking witnesses, understood?"

"Yeah, I fuckin' got it," I growled through my teeth.

I parked down the street from the house so I could keep a loose watch on the place. If that prick tried to run I was taking him down with or without Jared's order. His death may be quicker than I'd like...but it sure as fuck wouldn't be painless if I had anything to do with it.

* * *

_?POV - __**JARED**_

_Jacob came down the steps and plopped down in a chair across from Jared in the basement. _

"_Did James track the boy down yet?" he asked just as Jared ended his call with Paul. _

"_Yeah, but po-po got in the fuckin' way. I just sent Rizzo out to give him a hand. You know that fucker can't take care of anything quietly and we don't need the extra heat right before the new shipment," Jared responded. "Any word from Cullen yet?"_

"_Just returned the page I sent him five minutes ago. He's on his way in," Jacob replied and then chuckled darkly. "Told him if he needed to restock now was the time because we wouldn't be around for a few days with the run and all. Should take him about a halfie to show."_

"_Nice thinking," Jared laughed. "This should all be cleaned up nice and tidy by nightfall."_

"_What about the girl the guys had seen him with before? Paul mentioned something about her being there the day Cullen showed back up on the grid. Think she knows anything?" Jacob asked, wanting to make sure there would be no loose ends left untied._

"_I don't give a shit if she knows anything or not. Send Sam to find her and bring her in, chances are she's been staying where he's been. I owe James a little gift for blowing off his warnings about E being shady for so long," Jared ordered without hesitation. _

"_We might want to set this place up for easy clean up if that's what you're planning. You know James can get a bit...__**messy**__ when you give him free reign," Jacob advised, knowing very well just what kind of horror scene would be left behind. _

_"Get Embry to move all the shit out of the storage room. James can have his fun in there. Just make sure Embry hangs a tarp over the doorway when he's done. I don't want any blood splatter on my fuckin' desk like last time." _


	26. Chapter 25

**A/N****:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

EPOV

Two fucking hours of sleep. That's all I got throughout the night after spotting that goddamn car across the street from the parking lot. I didn't know who the fuck it was inside of it, whether it was one of Jared's guys or a fucking cop, but I'd seen that _same_ fucking car one too many goddamn times over the past few days. Seeing that shit right outside the apartment building freaked me the fuck out...especially since it had been there _before_ my motherfucking ass even got there.

I spent the rest of the night trying to come up with a plan C with Kyle in between peeking out the window, calling that fucking douche Jasper compulsively, and forcing myself to respond to a handful of pages and calls. The only solace that came along with the fucking dawn of a new day was knowing that if the shit hit the fan, we were at least half assed prepared for it.

Half assed because I couldn't find my fucking sister or that goddamn dickwad of a boyfriend she had.

I'd thought about it repeatedly throughout the night. I was prepared to make a run for it...if that dick would have just called me back. That goddamn ominous car was like a blazing warning sign telling me it was time to get the fuck out before it was too late. I just couldn't leave my damn sister behind without knowing she wasn't in danger. I had no way of knowing if it was just me in danger of going down in flames or if it was all fucking four of us...or any other goddamn combination this fucked up universe could come up with.

I was warring - for like the millionth time - with the idea of bailing out without the two fucktards when my fucking pager started vibrating against my hip. I swear to God the damn thing had ESP or some shit, designed to fucking go off and remind me constantly that I had to keep up this bullshit charade until it was either as safe as it would get to make a run for it, or until I had no other goddamn choice left.

And what better way to remind me of how fucked I was in this entire situation than to have Jared's number glaring up at me from the pager.

"Fuck," I hissed, dropping my face in my hands.

I couldn't ignore that fucking number, no matter how badly I wanted to. I'd already put myself in enough goddamn shit with them. If I didn't answer that page, we'd have to run...like right that fucking minute...and I still hadn't heard back from Douche-sper yet.

I was gonna kill that motherfucker myself when I got my hands on him.

"Bella...babe, wake up," I said as I shook her shoulder. She was sleeping at fucking noon because the only time she ever goddamn slept anymore was when I was in the apartment and she knew I was safe.

"What...What is it?" she shot up in a panic, her eyes darting around everywhere. Fuck I hated how much my bullshit was affecting her.

"Jared just paged me. I'm probably gonna have to make a trip in or some shit," I told her, tucking her hair behind her ear as her body began to sag, releasing its' tension. She'd been jumpy as fuck all night after I told them I have a tail...not that I could fucking blame her. I was fuckin' jumpy too.

"When is this gonna end?" she started to tear up as she looked over at me. "I can't take much more of this."

And that was all it took. I couldn't fuckin' do it anymore. Seeing her so terrified and run down from all of the stress sealed the fucking deal. One last run and I was fucking _out_.

I pulled her into my arms and held her tightly, "This is it, baby. If I restock today we can be out of here by the end of the fucking week."

"What about Jasper and Alice?" she sniffled.

I closed my eyes and fucking prayed that what I was about to say would end up being the goddamn truth, because I didn't know what the fuck I'd do if they weren't. "I'll find them...and as soon as I do, we're outta here."

"Why can't we just run now? Don't answer the page...we'll just take the money you have now and find Jasper and Alice and just go," she pleaded as her fingers clutched my shirt.

"Bella, we _can't_. If it's Jared's guys watching me, we won't have enough goddamn time to find them without them catching us. Do you understand?" I replied, trying to fucking soothe her as best I could with my touch.

"I know, _I know_," she sighed as she shifted away from me. "I just can't _stand_ this shit anymore."

"Me either, baby...me either," I groaned as I snatched up my phone from the nightstand. This entire fucking situation was draining the life out of both of us, and there wasn't jack shit to be done about it just yet.

I flipped the phone open and dialed Jared's number before placing it to my hear and reaching out for Bella's hand.

"'Lo?" a familiar deep voice answered after all of two fucking rings.

"It's E...sup Jake?" I asked coolly.

"Hey man, listen, we're gonna be heading out for a few days in the next day or two. There's a shipment coming in so if you need to restock, now's the time to do it," Jacob responded and I smirked...this shit would work out fucking _perfectly. _

"Aiight, I'll be by in like a halfie," I replied, schooling my voice so I sounded completely fucking "_what-the-fuck-ever_" over the news when all I really wanted to do was fucking fist punch the air and shit.

Stupid motherfuckers were giving me a _prime_ opportunity to get the fuck outta Dodge.

"Cool, see ya then," he answered before hanging up. I snapped the phone shut and turned around on the bed.

"Babe...this is it," I grinned at her as her brow furrowed. "They're gonna be leaving town to pick up a shipment coming in from Columbia...they'll be gone probably three days...four tops. I can sell the shit I get today within like two or three days and we'll still have at _least_ an entire fucking day to get the fuck away from here..."

I trailed off as I jumped off the bed and grabbed my sneakers.

"Really? Are you _serious_?" she laughed maniacally. I turned and grinned so fucking wide it nearly split my goddamn face open.

"Yeah...I'm completely fucking serious. I just have to find Ali and Jasper and wait for those fuckers to leave...and we're fuckin' out of here in the quickness," I said as she launched herself at me.

I hugged her tightly to me and shifted her so she was straddling my lap...which felt fucking _incredible_ by the way...and attacked her lips with my own. The weight of the world was slowly lifting from my shoulders as her tongue twirled and tangled with mine.

"I love you, baby. We're gonna start over somewhere new...somewhere better than this shithole," I sighed as we broke apart, closing my eyes as I pressed my forehead against hers. Fuck she brought me so much comfort just by being with me that it wasn't even fucking funny.

"I love you..._so much_," she whispered, placing these little tiny soft ass kisses on my face that I fucking adored.

"I have to go, baby cakes. I told them I'd be there in a half hour," I said as I stood us up and let her feet fall to the floor. I leaned in for one more kiss, because her lips were like the sweetest fucking sin ever created, before grabbing my hoodie off the chair.

"I'll be gone an hour and a half tops, okay? Start packing all your shit up so we can be ready to roll as soon as I know they're fuckin' gone," I told her as I moved toward the door. I paused right beside it and turned to smile at her, remembering how I'd fucked up just the day before. "Love you, Bella."

She smiled and bit her lip, "Love you, too."

As I ran down the steps toward my car, the hair started to stand on the back of my neck. My steps slowed toward the bottom of the stairs as my brow furrowed and I replayed Jacob's words over in my head. He'd said they were heading out in a day or two...every time they left for shipments in the past, they'd told me the day of...not days in fucking advance. Something was fucking up...but I didn't know what the fuck it was.

As I slid into my car, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed Kyle's cell real quick.

"Dude," I cut him off when he answered. "Are you on your way back to the apartment yet?"

"Yeah, I should be there in five," he responded instantly. "Why? What's up?"

"Something's fuckin' fishy...but I don't know what it is. I'm heading into Jared's now to restock my supply. Just be ready to bail out in a flash if we need, aiight? And make sure Bella actually packs her shit," I told him as I started to pull away from the apartment.

"You got it."

I was probably just being fucking overly paranoid or some shit, but I didn't want to take any chances. We'd formed a goddamn rock solid master bailout plan during the night and, if need be, we were executing that shit at a moment's notice.

As I drove, I kept a firm lookout for that damn dark tinted piece of shit car while I tried to figure out why Jacob would call so soon before they were actually planning on leaving. I didn't see it anywhere, nor did I spot any other suspicious vehicles or any that I knew belonged to members of Jared's clan. That shit didn't matter though, I took side streets and roundabout ways just to ensure my ass couldn't be followed easily. As I started to relax slightly, knowing no one was following my ass, the only fuckin' thing I could come up with as to why they were calling me in early was that they'd been calculating when I'd need to restock based on how quickly I'd been pushing the shit they gave me.

At least...that's why I was fucking _hoping_ they were calling my ass in. I didn't want to think about the goddamn alternative...cause that shit was just...fuck that...I wasn't even gonna think it.

I'd only gotten ten minutes away from the apartment, and I was lost in my thoughts of trying to figure out where the fuck Ali and the fuckwad could be hiding when my cell phone started blaring some _hideous_ fucking ringtone. I snatched it up and took a quick peek at the caller ID before snapping it open. I barely had the fucker to my ear before I was screaming.

"Where the _fuck_ have you been?! I've been calling your fucking ass for like twelve fucking hours straight!" I roared at the damn douche himself. _Finally_ the fucker learns how to dial a goddamn phone.

"E...man...I fucked up. We're in deep shit," he rambled out of breath.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I muttered as my blood ran ice fucking cold and my heart started racing frantically.

"James..." he panted. Motherfucker sounded like he was running a marathon.

"What about him? He's a fucking crackhead...don't tell me you fucking sold him weak ass shit?!" I boomed, thinking the worst.

"No...he's not..._fuck_...he's not a druggie, man! He tried to kill me!" he wailed.

"What the fuck? Why would he try to kill you?" Motherfucker had done lost his goddamn mind from all the drugs he'd been snorting.

"He _works_ for Jared! He's a motherfucking _hitman_! Last night this fucking chick with...tried buying some shit from me..." he yelled, his words broken as he fought to catch his breath.

_He can't fucking work for Jared...motherfucker never leaves his goddamn apartment..._

Faster than I could have thought fucking possible, my brain started running through every fuckin' member of Jared's crew that I'd ever met, seen, or fucking even heard of.

_Jacob, Rizzo...Seth, Embry...Emily, Laurent, Jay, Alex...Jr., Chase... _

_Jay...Jay...MOTHERFUCKER! _

Jay wasn't _just_ Jay...it was a fucking nickname for James!

I swear to fucking God my car had moved all of twenty fucking feet further when the puzzle clicked in place and I slammed on my fucking breaks in the middle of the road. Two fucking years of bullshit I'd witnessed and heard about began swarming my fucking brain like a goddamn F-5 tornado as the entire world around me began moving in motherfucking slow motion.

Echoes of voices resounded in my mind on a fucking insanity inducing loop...

_"I don't give a fuck! Get Vick to set him up and tell Jay not to leave a trace of his ass behind! "_

_..._

_"Hey...did you guys hear about Devon? Went off with this hot as fuck red-headed chick last night and they found his body by the train tracks this morning..."_

_..._

_"I told that motherfucker not to leave a trace of his ass! Tell Jay if he doesn't keep his goddamn bitch on a leash I'll fucking take care of her myself!"_

_..._

_"If he's dishin' out drugs for pussy, send Vick in to bust his ass. I don't make money off his motherfuckin' dick gettin' wet."_

_"Sup, E? Got that name I asked you for?"_

_"Yeah...took a day or two, but the source I got it from is solid. Aaron's the guy you're lookin' for..."_

_"That's my boy...knew I could count on you. Here's some extra cash for your work. Sam...get Vick and Jay to handle that motherfucker while they're at it."_

_"Howcome I never see these fuckers around here? Jay and Vick? They're like fucking phantoms or some shit."_

_"Trust me, kid...You don't __**want **__to see these two around here. Now keep your nose where it belongs and we won't have any issues, got it?"_

_"Yeah...got it. I'm out. I'll have that second name for you by the end of the week."_

_..._

_"Bro...word on the street is Jared's got some psycho ass chick in his ranks now..."_

_"Yeah right...I know every motherfucker in this business and the only chicks are family..."_

_"No...dude I'm serious. There's stories flying around left and right that she's like his fucking Angel of Death or some shit. Five motherfuckers have been spotted leaving with this nameless red-haired chick and then they fucking disappear. All's I'm sayin is if you see a bitch with flamin' hair...run your fuckin' ass off dude."_

_..._

_"Sup, Em? What's got the boss man in an uproar this time?"_

_"Oh man...apparently Jay and his little girlfriend, Victoria...I call her "Red" cause she's got this fiery ass red hair...craziest hyper-color shit you've ever seen...anyway, they made a mess of some shit last night and he had to send Sam and Jake in to clean it up..."_

...

"What fucking color hair did she have?" I blurted out, cutting off his bullshit ramble. My fucking tires were still screeching from coming to a stop in the middle of the road.

"What? Who?" he panted.

"The fucking chick that tried to buy shit off of you asshole!" I roared.

"Red...like on goddamn fire red...what the fuck does it matter?" he shot back...and it all fucking clicked.

Jay was goddamn James, and this fucking Vick person that I'd never fucking met wasn't even a fucking _dude_. _She_ was Victoria. They were a fucking _team_. A goddamn motherfucking hit crew.

_...Jared's strange behavior..._

_...The fucking car...the goddamn motherfucking car outside the apartment..._

_...Jacob calling me days, motherfucking __**days**__, before they were heading out..._

_...they're not heading out at all..._

_...they just want me to come to them..._

_...I'm fucking walking straight into my motherfucking execution..._

_HOLY FUCKING SHIT!_

"Jasper! Goddamnit, shut the fuck up and listen to me!" I yelled as I spun my car in the other direction. "Where are you?!"

"I'm headed back to Jess's...Ali...oh God..._Ali_," he panted.

"Get the fuck back there, _now_! I'm on my way. I'll be there in thirty minutes _tops_. Do _not _leave the fucking house...do you hear me?!" I yelled, slamming on the gas and tearing back down the road.

My fucking adrenaline was soaring as my tires tore across the pavement, my hands fumbling to dial Kyle's number.

This shit was fucked.

I was fucked.

_We _were all _fucked_.

The fucking thunderheads that had been rolling in and raining nothing but bullshit down on me had just opened wide the fuck up into a torrential downpour of "_run for your goddamn motherfucking life_".

"MOTHERFUCKER!" I roared, unable to hit the right fucking numbers on the stupid ass piece of shit phone.

My eyes raised to the road ahead of me just as a fucking light turned red right in front of me. I slammed on the gas and blew right through the fucker, narrowly missing getting rammed by two other fucking cars. The fucking bag sitting on the passenger seat was motherfucking mocking me, laughing at me for my stupidity in almost playing right into their fucking hands. Had that prick not called me when he did...

"_Fuck_ this shit...I'm _not_ going down like this. Today is _not_ my motherfucking day to die," I growled.

I came to a screeching halt behind a shitty ass fast food joint and dug the cash out of the front pocket of the bag before grabbing it and hopping out of the car. I looked around quickly before tossing the fucker in the dumpster and hauling ass out of there. I didn't want that shit _anywhere _fucking near me anymore.

A hundred feet down the road I finally got my fingers to dial the right goddamn numbers and Kyle answered on the first ring.

"Plan C! Motherfucking Plan C! I'm five minutes away!" I yelled into the phone. I barely heard him say "Oh fuck" before I started dismantling the phone, my fingers fumbling as I tried to get the goddamn SIM card out of the fucker. I couldn't leave behind a single fucking way for anyone to track my ass or to tie me to the bullshit life of crime I'd been living for so long. _Too fuckin' long_.

As soon as I had it out, I threw that useless piece of shit phone right out the window.

_Breathe...just breathe motherfucker. You keep going like this and you're gonna freak your girl the fuck out...just motherfucking __**breathe**__...everything's gonna be fucking __**fine**__..._

I tore into the apartment parking lot three minutes later, having broken every goddamn speed limit I crossed by at least fucking double, and grabbed the cash off the seat before launching myself out of the car. As I ran up the steps, I unclipped the key to the storage unit off my keyring and shoved it in my pocket. We were gonna have to make a two minute tops stop there on the way, because I hadn't had time to get there yet to gather whatever the fuck I could before the shit hit the fan.

If it had just been clothes and straight up bullshit in there...I'd say fuck it and leave it behind. I could eventually buy new shit...but mine and Alice's fucking birth certificates and Social Security cards and shit were in there, and we wouldn't get far _at all _without that shit.

"Bella!" I yelled, bursting through the door. "Bella, let's go!"

"Where's the SIM card and pager?" Kyle asked, exiting his room with duffle bags hanging off his shoulders, Mandy right behind him with two more.

"Here...fucking burn that shit to ashes as soon as you're in the clear," I told him quickly, passing them to him as Bella came running out of the room with her bag on her shoulder.

I grabbed it from her and wrapped my arm behind her as we ran for the door.

"Edward...what's going on?" she asked, her voice and frame trembling horribly.

"Shh...everything's gonna be okay, baby. Just trust me," I said, trying to be as calm as possible as we made it to the steps.

She was so fucking scared she was practically tripping over her own goddamn two feet going down the stairs so I wrapped an arm around her waist, lifting her into my side as I ran down the fuckers.

"Get in the car, baby," I panted, pushing her toward the cars...and of course she headed for the Volvo. "Kyle's car! Get in _Kyle's_ car!"

I tossed my keys to him at the same moment his came flying in my direction, "Get the fuck out of the city as fast as you can and don't look back."

"Don't worry about us...just take care of yourselves," he shot back just as I opened his car door and went to slide into the seat.

I paused with one leg in the car and looked over the roofs of our cars parked side by side, sparing one last glance at the best friend and brother I could have ever asked to find while living on the motherfucking streets.

"See ya on the flipside, bro," I smirked with a nod. There was no fucking way the word goodbye was crossing my lips today of all motherfucking days.

"I'll be waiting," he responded, waving my pager in the air before he slid into the seat.

Our eyes locked one last time between the windows and I kissed two fingers and held 'em up for Mandy before I pealed out of the spot.

"Edward! What the _fuck_ is going on?!"

* * *

_?POV - __**COPS**_

_The Captain looked at his officers, Seattle's finest as far as he was concerned, sitting around the table before him, "Alright gentleman, today's operation is going to be handled differently from all of our past missions. We have reason to believe that one Jasper Alexander Whitlock and one Edward Anthony Cullen have been targeted by the leaders of what we think may be the largest drug cartel operation on the west coast..." _

_"Captain...correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Cullen the last name of..." one of the officers that hadn't been part of the investigation trailed off with his interruption as his brow furrowed in confusion. He was sure that there was only one family in the area with that last name, and he was almost positive that they were... _

_"Jenks, his surname and connections to any members of this community with the like are of no consequence, and frankly, none of your concern," the Captain cut him off with a severe tone, cutting his trail of thought off instantly. _

_Only one other person in the room knew the truth of this kid's identity and he aimed to keep it that way. His gaze shifted to his right hand man, the man who had been his partner for twenty long years and had joined his ranks as Lieutenant of the narcotics division when he'd taken over as Captain of their precinct, Alistair Caine. With a steady glance and a single nod, Alistair reassured him that he'd do everything in his power to bring these kids in safely. _

_"I need all of your heads in the game today. As I said before, these kids are in serious danger. I know you're all tired and ready for this war on drugs to be over. It's been a long few years for all of us, but I don't feel I have to remind you of exactly how many informants we've lost in this battle. Edward is our key to finally end this. We've received a tip from a very reliable source that he possesses all of the knowledge we need to take down the entire ring. It is imperitive that we get him in custody before he is harmed. This is not a drug raid, men. This is a rescue mission," the Captain continued with an air of authority. _

_"What if Cullen doesn't talk? We've been through this before, Captain," one of the other officers questioned, uncomfortable with the thought of putting this kid in even more danger by getting involved if he wouldn't provide the information they needed. _

_"He'll talk," Lieutenant Caine cut in, his gaze lingering on the Captain a moment too long before settling on the officer that had spoken. "Trust me...the kid'll talk." _

_"Our most recent intel suggests Jasper has been residing in the same location for the past few weeks consistently. Edward's whereabouts are currently unknown, any and all efforts to pinpoint him to one location have been unsuccessful. Our best option at this point in time is getting Jasper first and utilizing him to discover Edward's location. Before you leave here today, I want you to study these four photographs. These are the kids you are looking for today. Keep them fresh in your minds during your mission," the Captain spoke as he withdrew the photos from a folder and had the officers pass them between each other. _

_"The females in the photos are one Mary Alice Cullen, Edward's sister, and the other is known only as Bella. Her surname is currently unknown. Based on recent investigation efforts, we've come to the assumption that it's highly unlikely Edward and Bella will be on the premises along with Jasper and Mary Alice today, but keep their images in the forefront of your mind. We cannot afford to mistake them as inconsequential bystanders and miss the opportunity to apprehend them should it arise. Since Lieutenant Caine will be leading you men today, I'll hand the floor over to him to brief you with the details for this operation," the Captain finished. _

_"Okay, men, this is how it's gonna go today," Lieutenant Caine spoke commandingly, "As Captain Mancini said, we're going to be handling this quite a bit differently than we have in the past. Our goal today is make our approach as silent as possible. I want three men to cover the rear of the property and three in the front. Sergeant Easton, on my mark, you and I will enter the residence simultaneously. I'll cover the front, you take the rear entry access point. I want this place surrounded. I want the other four of you to keep your eyes and ears alert for anything suspicious. With our belief that these kids have been targeted, it is imperitive that we keep in mind how rapidly situations can become dangerous and even deadly. We've cut our time down to the wire, gentlemen. If we fail today, or if we're already too late, these kids will disappear just as countless numbers before them have." _

_"I want you all to take one last look at those photos," the Captain cut in. "These kids aren't our typical gang bangers or street runners. They've just made some incredibly poor choices in life and have landed themselves in a severely dangerous predicament. By protecting them we hope to obtain the information we need to rid our streets of the violence and drugs this ring of criminals have imposed upon our community." _

_"Are there any questions before we end this briefing?" Lieutenant Caine questioned when the officers had finished studying the photos and the room resounded with the sound of the officers all answering "No Sir," in unison. _

_"Very well. Suit up and be ready to head out in ten. We have no more time to waste," Lieutenant Caine nodded, dismissing his team. _

_He waited until the room was clear before turning back to the Captain, his friend and partner, "I'll keep you in the loop every step of the way." _

_"Thank you," he responded sincerely. _

_As he watched his friend leave the room to join his team in gearing up for their mission, he prayed silently that they wouldn't be too late. He'd purposely not made a move sooner in fear of putting them all in danger, but seeing how they'd managed to find themselves there anyhow...he wondered if his handling the situation differently from the very beginning would turn out to be the biggest mistake he could have ever made. _


	27. Chapter 26

**A/N:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

BPOV

"Edward! What the _fuck_ is going on?!" I screamed as my hands latched on to the dashboard to balance myself as he peeled out of the parking lot.

"Baby," Edward began smoothly, as if using some sort of calm and soothing voice was really going to stop my heart from beating out of my chest. Meanwhile, his eyes were rapidly flicking from mirror to mirror while he tore down the side streets, weaving around parked cars with the ease of a pro. "Remember last week before I went to see Jared that I said we needed to be prepared in case shit hit the fan?"

"_Yes_," I snapped, glaring at him as I reached across myself to tug at my seatbelt with my left hand while the other remained pressed against the dash in an effort to keep myself from getting thrown out of the seat.

Yes, I remembered…of course I freaking remembered operation 'run the fuck out of town'. What I couldn't friggen remember, _apparently_, was how to latch a damn seatbelt one handed because for the _life_ of me I couldn't get that damn thing to snap into its holder. I tore my eyes away from Edward to look down and figure out what the hell the problem was only to find my hands shaking so damn bad that I couldn't line the stupid thing up.

"Well the shit hit fucking fan," he offered, removing one of his hands from the steering wheel and, without even glancing in my damn direction either, snapped my belt into place.

I couldn't understand how the fuck he was so damn calm. The only hint that I had that he was even remotely distressed was the look in his eyes from when he came tearing down the hall in the apartment. As soon as his eyes met mine they flashed with relief before his mask quickly fell back into place. And now, here he was sitting beside me, acting cool as a friggen cucumber. The peaceful expression that eerily haunted his face almost appeared as if we were taking a Sunday joy ride, perusing the lovely streets of Seattle…at three times the legal speed goddamn limit.

Why wasn't he freaking out? I was freaking out. I was definitely freaking the hell out. But Edward? No. He just sat there with his arm tossed over the top of the steering wheel like today was any other day…like we weren't running for our goddamn lives.

Edward glanced over at me, moving his right hand over to my knee to give it a small squeeze and effectively stopping the erratic bouncing of my leg. God, even his eyes were freaking me the hell out. They had always been his most expressive feature. Even when he slipped into his mask, I had always been able make out the slightest glint in his eye. But not today. Today they were hard and cold, the rich green pools glazed over and hazy. It was as if they were preparing for...

Refusing to continue down that path of thinking I looked away, unwilling to hold his gaze… look into _those _eyes…for even a second longer. I licked my lips, attempting to moisten them even though my mouth that had long since gone dry, and found myself unable to stop from blurting out my next thought.

"What about Jasper and Alice? The plan was to get Jasper and Alice before we ran. We can't leave town without Jasper and Alice," I rambled, my teeth clicking together as I snapped my mouth shut in an effort to stop myself from saying their names a _fourth_ time in as many seconds.

Jasper…Alice. We couldn't leave without them...not if we were in so much danger that we were fleeing like this.

I winced as a brilliant red stop sign blurred past my window, the angry blare of a car horn quickly fading into the distance behind us.

"We're heading to Jess's to pick them up just as soon as we stop by the storage unit to grab some shit," Edward's velvet voice sounded from beside me. Through the corner of my eye I saw him glance my direction yet again before continuing his perusal of the nearly deserted back alley streets.

He didn't even tap on the break as we barreled through the next intersection. I wanted to mention that an accident might slow down the whole running for our lives bit, but I supposed the risk of slowing down far outweighed the consequence at this point.

All we had to do was get to Jasper and Alice. Then we would be okay. We were all going to be okay.

I sucked in another shaky breath, leaning back into my seat and trying to regain control over my body. My leg continued to bounce up and down in rapid succession while my hand resting atop it trembled erratically. Even my heart was pounding out its own wild rhythm, thrumming violently within my chest.

Edward's hand wrapped around mine once again, pressing our joined hands down on my bouncing thigh and calming my body slightly with simple ease and grace. I forced my eyes to look away from the blurred images whirling past the car and concentrated on the warmth of our hands folded together in my lap. I leaned back, intending to rest my head against the headrest only to find there wasn't one there.

There wasn't a headrest because we weren't in Edward's car. We were in _Kyle's_ fucking car…

"Why are we in Kyle's car?" I exclaimed as my body flew forward in the seat back to its upright alert position. I stared at Edward, forcing another wheezing breath into my lungs as I awaited his answer.

"Because they all know what car I drive, Bella. When we get somewhere safe, Kyle will meet up with us and we'll switch back again," he explained, his shoulder lifting upward in a slight shrug. "Don't worry...we got this shit under control."

_Right, okay. Mmmhmm. _I nodded dumbly, my head bouncing up and down a few more times than necessary. I squeezed by eyes shut in an effort to stop the movement. The movement of my head…the movement of the world around us…the movement Edward's eyes silently flicking about.

I swallowed down the awkward lump in my throat threatening to release the next bout of verbal diarrhea. He didn't need to explain anything else. I didn't need to know any more details. All I needed to know was that Edward had a plan.

He had a plan for everything.

_Don't worry._

He looked over at me, the right side of his mouth raising slightly as he gave my fingers a final squeeze before withdrawing his hand from my own. I nearly snatched it back up again, but forced myself to back off when I realized we were slowing down to make a turn. We'd arrived at the storage unit.

The wheels of the car squealed against the pavement as we skidded to a stop in front of the complex. Edward already had his window lowered as he reached out and punched the code into the pad and unlocking the gate in front of us. I barely even had a chance to blink before we jerked to a final stop in from of the storage unit. Edward had already popped the trunk and was outside the car before I'd even made a move for my seatbelt.

I tripped over my feet, my hip colliding with the corner of the door of the car as I scrambled as quickly as I could manage after Edward who already had the storage unit unlocked and was digging through some boxes in the back corner of it.

"Just grab what you can and throw it in the trunk," Edward called out, his voice thunderously reverberating around me as it bounced off the walls of the nearly empty storage unit.

I barely even glanced at the pile of garbage bags and randomly strewn mounds of clothing before quickly scooping up as much as I could carry. With my arms filled I ran back to the car, nearly tripping once again when a shirt slipped from my grasp and wrapped itself around my ankle. I lifted up the trunk of the car with my elbow and threw his stuff in before running back to the storage shed to grab another load.

"GOD FUCKING DAMNIT," Edward bellowed, his booming voice ricocheting off the walls of the small concrete room. I skidded to a stop, some sort of a mangled shriek emanating from my throat as my third load of stuff went flying up into the air before scattering across the ground in front of me.

_I have a motherfucking tail… _

"Stupid fucking bitch took all the goddamn money," he growled, throwing the cardboard box he'd been digging through into the wall while spouting off a few more expletives.

I sucked in a shaky breath and closed my eyes, dropping to the ground, unable to hold myself upright on my wobbly knees. My entire body was trembling, falling apart on me against my will.

_Don't worry, don't worry, don't worry. _I chanted over and over again trying to force myself to uncurl from the ball my shuddering body had crumpled down into.

_Now is not the time for a panic attack. Get up Bella. _**Move** _Bella._

Before I could will myself to make any sort of movement, I felt a strong arm wrap around my waist, hoisting me off the ground only to set me down a few seconds later in the passenger's seat. Edward buckled me in and then darted around the backside of the car, slamming the truck shut before jumping back into the driver's seat beside me.

As we peeled out of the parking lot, I found myself staring into the side mirror looking back at all of the clothes still lying there scattered out across the pavement. He hadn't even taken the time to pick them up.

"Bella baby…" his soft and concerned voice called, drawing me out from the confines of my mind.

Edward's warm hand slipped behind my neck, massaging gently and instantly stopping the slight rocking motion my body was unconsciously making. I closed my eyes, concentrating on the soothing feeling of his touch as his fingers brushed across my neck, occasionally drifting upwards to scratch lightly upon my scalp while his thumb rubbed circles along the sensitive skin behind my ear.

"You need to calm down, baby," he spoke softly, his concern for me piercing through the mask he had worked so hard to sustain. "Everything going to be _fine_. We're less than five from Jess's. All we gotta do is grab Ali and Jasper, and then we're outta here."

As my body relaxed beneath his touch, the wheezing sounds filling the car diminished until they were no longer audible at all.

"Thank you," I whispered once I had settled down enough to find my voice once again. His hand drifted from my neck over to my cheek, his thumb rubbing gently along it as he smiled over at me reassuringly. Before he could even consider pulling away from me I reached up to take his hand, not wanting him to let go because I knew my connection to him was all that was keeping me grounded.

For the rest of the drive I refused to look out the windows, knowing that watching the world whirling past us was not going to calm the unease of my stomach. I refused to look over at Edward any longer because as soon as I'd calmed down his façade slipped right back into place. I couldn't bear to look at his masked face with those guarded eyes scanning the roads and looking for signs that anything wasn't going according to plan. Although, then again, Edward probably had a plan for things not going according to plan. At least I hoped he did. Yeah…I was sure he did. _Don't worry_.

I kept my eyes shut until I felt the car skidding to a stop. Upon opening them I found us parked in a back alley along side a long row of chain linked fences. Edward was at my door pulling me out of the seat before I even had my seatbelt untangled from my shoulder. He wrapped his arm around my waist again as we took off, holding on to me in case I tripped over my own two feet again…or maybe I wasn't moving quick enough for him because he lifted me up and practically threw me over the damn fence, probably knowing I wouldn't have been able to climb over it without falling flat on my face.

I'd barely stood straight up again by the time he'd hurled himself over it in just two steps, jamming one foot between the links and then pushing himself off the top support pole with the second. The briefest of idiotic thoughts passed through my head, wondering just how many fences he'd scaled in the past, before we were off and running yet again.

"Alice…Jasper!" Edward yelled, bursting through the back door of Jess's house and into her kitchen. He pulled us to an abrupt stop as we passed the kitchen table, grabbing what looked like Jasper's cell phone.

"We're here," Alice yelled from further inside the house. She came running around the corner into the kitchen still tugging at the zipper of the bag hanging from her arms, trying to close it shut despite the fact that it was packed so full it was bursting at the seams. "Jasper's just grabbing the last of his stuff," she explained, brushing past me to set her bag down on the counter, still fighting the stupid zipper.

"You know...if we weren't in such deep shit right now, I'd kick your fuckin ass," Edward spat, looking up from the phone he'd ripped apart while trying to get some sort of computer chip thing out to glare at Alice. "Why the fuck did you steal my money from the storage unit, Ali?"

She looked up from her bag, her face scrunched and mouth hung open, but before she could even respond, Edward chucked Jasper's phone across the room, sending it whirling right past Alice and into the sink between us. She jumped, as did I, startled by the clanging sound that rang out across the room.

Edward didn't even wait for her to answer as he kept ranting at her while storming out of the room. "How'd you even know it was fucking in there when even _I'd _forgotten that shit was in there 'til today." He called out from…the bathroom? He was flushing that chip down the toilet...what? I didn't understand it. I _couldn't_ understand it...not that that was anything new over the last twenty friggen minutes.

"What'd you use it for Ali? Crack? Some X…did you fuckin snort that shit all away?" he bellowed, storming back into the room. She looked confused and shell shocked and didn't even make a move to open her mouth to answer him so he stomped over to her to scream into her face. "Answer me, Ali! Did you fuckin snort that shit all away?"

Why he was wasting time screaming at Alice when we were supposed to be getting the hell outta Dodge was beyond me. I was about to interrupt when Jasper came barreling around the corner, his face bruised, swollen, and scraped up, traces of fresh blood smeared beneath his nose. _Jesus Christ _what the _fuck _had happened to him this morning?

"Dude..chill out. It wasn't Ali...I took it. I was short on cash when I had to pay up a week and a half ago."

The second those words came out of Jasper's mouth, all freaking hell broke loose. Edward grabbed a hold of the collar of his shirt and literally lifted him off the floor and slammed him into the kitchen table, his head smacking into the table top with a barely heard crack over Edward's roaring voice. The entire kitchen erupted, furiously booming shouting coming from the two of them and terrified screams coming from Alice and I, both of us begging them to stop.

The outside world completely ceased to exist to any of us, all of us too far consumed by the terror and rage erupting within that dank kitchen to remember the dangers still coming after us outside our tempestuous bubble. No words, screamed in terror or spewed in anger, could be deciphered clearly as they all combined into one giant clusterfuck of ear piercing noise. That's all it freakin' was..._noise_.

"Edward! Stop, _plea_..." I'd begun to wail, my voice hoarse from screaming as tears streamed down my face, only to have it turn into a blood curdling scream as something blazed through the window I'd been standing next to, spraying me with bits and shards of glass.

I hadn't even fallen all the way to the floor before Edward was tackling me into the dirty linoleum and then frantically trying to both pull me up and push me toward the entrance to the hall at the same time.

"Son of a bitch! Move, _move_, _**move**_!" he roared, still pushing and pulling on me as Alice's scream continued to pierce the air and mine trailed off into terrified breathless sobs as we scrambled across the floor trying to get out of the room.

We were gonna die...I was sure of it when I caught the hole left behind in the wall above the kitchen table out of the corner of my eye. It had been a goddamn _bullet_. There was no freaking way in hell we were getting out of that house alive, especially when the damn car was in the _back alley _and Edward was pushing us all toward the _front door_.

Running targets...that's what we were gonna be...and I was scared _shitless_.

"Run, Bella...get to the fucking door and run your goddamn ass off," Edward growled with a final push, sending me sliding into the hallway.

I tried to get my footing but I was shaking so bad in fear that every time I made it halfway up onto my feet, I fell back down again, tears blurring my vision as I clambered along the wall, unable to hear anything around me other than Alice's wailing sobs and Edward and Jasper's panicked yelling.

"Ali...Jesus Christ! Don't just sit there, fucking move!" Edward hollered behind me as I closed in on the end of the hallway, tripping one last time before bracing my hand on my knee and getting ready to push off it and run for the door.

It wasn't until that moment that I'd actually looked up into the open area of the front of the house, and even through the haze of tears, what met my eyes froze me solid in my tracks...too terrified to even blink.

A gun...

There was a _gun_ aimed right at my fucking forehead.

A scream had begun to bubble its way up my throat but got trapped, my vocal cords just as frozen as the rest of my body.

And then, as if it couldn't get any worse, someone bumped into me from behind, launching me forward and almost directly into the barrel of the gun.

"What the..." Edward's voice started, sounding furious that I hadn't made it out of the house yet...until his eyes apparently locked onto what mine had been staring at for the past incalculable number of moments.

"_Oh __**Fuck**_."


	28. Chapter 27

**A/N****:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

Carlisle POV

Two years, three months, and 12 days…that's how long I've feared the sound of phones ringing in the middle of the night. One year, seven months and ten days is how long the sound of a phone ringing at _any_ time of day has made my wife and I exchange worried glances while trying to brace ourselves for the possible realization of every parent's worst nightmare.

Finding just a solid hour of peaceful sleep each night has become a battle my wife and I have repeatedly lost. At one point in time I'd even gone as far as to disconnect every phone in the house before heading to bed, and turning both of our cell phones off, thinking not having to fear the sound of it would help. It did nothing to assuage our fears. If anything, it made us worry even more. With the rising of the sun the following morning, came the resolving conclusion that there was no way for either of us to escape the horrors of where our children were headed.

It just happened that the phone call we'd been dreading came shortly after eleven in the evening.

"Hello?"

"May I speak with Dr. Cullen please?" he asked as I rolled over to turn the bedside lamp on.

"Carlisle…who is it? Is it about Edward or Alice? Please tell me," Esme pled, sitting straight up in bed, tears already forming in her sleep deprived eyes.

"Speaking…who is this?" I answered groggily as I held up my hand to her, asking her to wait a second.

"Officer Rios of Seattle P.D., I'm sorry for calling so late sir, but it's about your children, Edward and Mary Alice. Lieutenant Mancini requested that I…"

"Officer Rios," I said and Esme gasped before a quiet sob tore through her chest. I quickly grabbed her hand as I continued speaking, "Pardon me for interrupting, but…are my children okay?"

"Yes, they're safe…at the moment. I'm sorry but I'm not authorized to disclose any more on the situation. Captain Mancini wishes to speak with you on the matter personally. Would it be too much of an inconvenience for you to come down to the station immediately?" he asked.

"Esme, go get dressed," I whispered to her.

"Of course not, we'll be there as soon as possible. Thank you for calling officer," I responded calmly, even though I was anything but. My nerves were on edge, my stomach churning in fear of what could possibly be happening. At bare minimum I knew my children were alive…I was in complete darkness of anything further than that.

Five minutes later, we were in the car headed for the station. I'd never been one to break laws, but I'm sure I'd broken at least a dozen through the duration of our silent trip, ranging from speeding to narrowly running red lights and failing to stop or yield.

"Esme, will you _please_ say _something_?" I begged her as we climbed the steps of the precinct building. She stopped and turned toward me, her posture stiff and unyielding.

"You _will _help them," she demanded fiercely.

"I'm not sure yet that I even _can _help them," I groaned as I both pinched the bridge of my nose and ran a hand through my hair in agitation.

"_If _you can, you _will_. I will _not _stand by and let you leave them to their own defenses yet again. We can see how far that's gotten them now," she said as she pointed to the building.

"Alright…_okay_," I relented, holding my hands in front of me in surrender. "I'll do what I can…I promise."

She took off ahead of me and I sighed at the starless sky above me as I moved to follow. It was infuriating that she always assumed I just didn't _want _to help them anymore when the truth was I'd do anything humanly possible for them…as long as they'd both accept the help and not _waste _my efforts. Our children were as stubborn as the day is long…talking sense into either of them and trying to fix all their problems for them in the past had proven to be about as effective as performing a lobotomy on one's self. Pointless and impossible. Why _she_ couldn't see that, I had yet to figure out.

"Carlisle, Esme, I'm sorry to disturb you at such an hour," Eleazar greeted us with sincere regret etched across his aged features. It'd been quite some time since we'd seen each other last, a year at the very least.

"It's quite alright, but if you could let us know what's going on, it'd be much appreciated," I responded as I shook his hand.

"Of course, follow me…it's best if we discuss this in private," he said with a firm nod.

We followed behind him through the labyrinth of hallways and up an elevator until we came to his office. After entering the room, he quietly shut the door behind him and moved to stand behind his paper strewn desk.

"Please…have a seat," he offered with a wave of his hand in the directions of the two chairs across from him.

"We appreciate the hospitality, being that we're family and all, but if you could just cut to the chase…How much trouble are they in?" I asked as I sank down in the chair.

"We'll get to that, but there's something we need to discuss first. How much do either of you know of Edward's lifestyle since he left your home?" he asked as he sat down in his seat.

"Virtually nothing. We've had little to no contact with him since he walked out. We tried to keep up with him for a while, but it became impossible to track him down over time," I replied, wondering where he was going with his questioning.

"So you wouldn't happen to know any of the names of the people he associates with on a regular basis?" he asked, looking as though he had a dire need for the information.

"No…we don't. Eleazar, what's this about?" Esme asked worriedly.

"Your son has gotten himself involved with some very dangerous people in the drug trade business. About a month or so ago my narcotics division got a tip that a new kid on the street was peddling heroine, cocaine, crystal meth and various other substances. Large amounts of it too. When the tip came in, the caller mentioned the name "Big E", but I didn't think anything of it at the time because they always have some kind of call sign or tag name.

"They investigated the information, but came up empty handed on anyone named "Big E" at the time. What wasuncovered with the investigation, however, was that your son and his friend were well known local small time dealers. Against my oath to uphold the law, I directed my men to focus on finding the bigger players…but a few weeks ago when it came to my attention that "Big E" is in fact Edward, it became impossible to ignore any longer," he said as we sat there utterly speechless.

"You mean to tell me my _son_…_my _Edward…is a _drug dealer_?" I spluttered.

"Unfortunately…yes," he responded.

"Is he…_oh God_," Esme sobbed, "Is he going to go to prison?"

"That's why I've brought you both in. I need you to talk some sense into him," he said as he leaned forward and I scoffed.

"What is it exactly that you want us to try and convince him of? Because honestly, the kid listens to anything we have to say as efficiently as a goddamn rock."

"I need him to give us the name of his suppliers...the leaders of the drug ring he's involved himself in. We've tried interrogating him and threatening him, but he's not budging. He's convinced that we have no evidence on either of them to hold them longer than the standard forty eight hours, but I assure you he's wrong. As much as I'd like to be able to turn my head and let him walk out of here, I can't. He walks out of these doors with those people still out on the streets and he's as good as dead. His _only _options of safety at the moment are giving up the names and staying here until I can ensure he can be moved safely, or being housed in solitary confinement in prison…which I can't guarantee," he said as Esme started crying in earnest.

I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands, trying to process it all as best I could.

"_Please_…I can't stand the thought of him wasting away in a jail cell," my wife sobbed. "We'll do anything…_anything_."

"I don't _want_ to send him to prison, _believe me _I don't, but the evidence we have on him can and _will _land him at least a solid ten years, and once he's in the system, I have no way to keep him safe. The people he's tied himself to are terrifyingly dangerous. _Every_ informant we've ever been able to get our hands on has either turned up murdered or has gone missing before we were able to get the information from them. That's _including _the ones we've locked up for their own safety," he said and I threw my arms up to stop him. I couldn't listen to any more of it. Just _thinking _about what could happen to him was terrifying me.

"There's no other way? Not even if we take him and move?" I asked, needing there to be some other option. _Any_ other option if he wouldn't listen to reason.

"No…there isn't. He'll never be safe with them still out there. They'll stop at nothing to find him," he said and I cracked. My torso lurched forward with the force of my emotions ripping out of me.

"How can you be so sure?!" I shouted, knocking my chair over as I stood and started pacing. "What reason would they have to hurt him if he doesn't talk?"

"Because they're already after him Carlisle! When we moved in to secure them, we found two of their guys sneaking around the side of the house, guns in hand! Do you have _any _idea how close they all came to leaving that property in body bags the way those two did?!" he bellowed as he rose from his seat. "If I hadn't ordered my men to move in at _that _moment, they'd both be _dead_!"

It felt like I had the wind knocked out of me hearing that I'd almost lost both of my children in a single moment. I couldn't even begin to think of what I would have done if Eleazar and his men hadn't moved in when they had.

"Look…I've done everything I possibly could to keep him out of trouble, but the minute I became aware of just how much danger they were in, the only choice I had to save them was to arrest them. I can't undo that, nor would I choose to knowing now just how close I'd been to being too late.

"The only way I can see getting him out of this mess is by cutting him a deal, his suppliers' names and locations for his freedom. I can't _do that _without the trade. I need the names Carlisle. Even if I can somehow manage to find him safety in prison, Alice and their friends will still be in mortal danger when they walk out of these doors, and I've got absolute shit to hold them on for anything longer than forty eight hours," he said as he came around the desk to comfort his cousin, my wife, who was in near hysterics.

I righted my chair and angled it toward her, taking my seat and grasping her hands in mine. I pressed my forehead against the backs of her hands and _tried _to figure out a way to make this work. If it was the only shot I had at saving my children, I _had _to make it work. I _couldn't_ lose them this way. It had been hard enough just living knowing they wanted nothing to do with me. Having to live while knowing they were no longer part of this world would be _impossible_.

"Carlisle…please…you can do this. I _know _you can do this," my wife pled, squeezing my hands in reassurance.

"Eleazar, I hate to ask this of you with everything you've done already, but if I can manage to get him to give you what you want, I need something from you," I said, lifting my head to kiss her hands before speaking to him.

"Name it…if he gives me those names I'll give you damn near anything you ask for," he replied with a single nod.

"I need them in rehab…both of them. It can't be anything either of them can just walk away from either, because they'll just sign themselves out after twenty four hours and I have no doubt we'll be sitting in this exact spot again sometime in the future. I _need _this to be part of the deal if we're ever going to get our kids back," I told him, praying he'd agree to it. His response was nearly instant.

"Consider it done. I can make it a mandatory condition for their release," he said as I let out the breath I'd been holding.

"Thank you Eleazar..."

"Don't thank me just yet, Esme. If this doesn't work, I'll have no choice but to book him," he said as he leaned against his desk.

"Can we see them now?" I asked, feeling as though I was strapped to the chair, the weight of the world resting on my shoulders and pinning me down.

"Sure, I'll have Officer Rios escort Esme down to see Alice and I'll bring you down to Edward. I think it'd be best not to subject Esme to him right now as he's been rather…_ornery_ this evening. It's just with their relationship in the past, I think we'd stand a greater chance of him cooperating if…"

"It's alright," I sighed, interrupting him as I waved it off. "We understand."

"Alright then, let's get this show on the road," he said as he picked up his office phone and quickly dialed an inside extension.

"Carlisle…what about their friends?" Esme asked as Eleazar spoke in hushed tones into the phone.

"Esme dear, we don't even know those kids. If they aren't in any serious amount of trouble, they should be able to just go on with their lives and hopefully make better decisions next time. Let their parents handle them how they see fit. Our responsibilities lie with Alice and Edward right now," I responded, only slightly curious as to why their parents weren't here along with us. I would have figured the boy's parents would have been called in at the very least seeing as how it sounded as though he'd stepped in just as much knee deep shit as my son had.

"Officer Rios should be up in a few minutes," Eleazar said as he hung up the phone.

"Thank you," Esme and I replied simultaneously.

"I know this is the last thing you're going to want to hear, but I need you to think of somewhere in this country other than Washington to send Edward and Alice in the event that we can actually get him to talk. Until I can guarantee that there is no one left on the streets from this ring to pose a threat to Edward, it just isn't safe for them to be anywhere near here," Eleazar stated.

"I was already thinking as much...I'm just at a loss as to where," I responded, having been already contemplating doing just that.

With everything I'd heard already, and I was sure it was just the tip of the iceberg, it was easy to see that they, especially Edward, wouldn't be safe in this area for a while...if ever again. Getting them out of here would have been my first instinctual move, with or without Eleazar's suggestion of it. I just didn't know _where_.

"What about Florida?" Esme suggested after a few minutes.

"Florida?" I asked, curious as to how she came up with it. "Why Florida?"

"Well…I was thinking, if we have to send them away, I want us to be wherever they are. Carlisle, even if they get better, we as a family won't if we aren't there. Sending them away will only possibly fix half the problem. This isn't just their struggle, it's ours too, and how will they ever see that if they're thousands of miles away from us?" she responded.

"But why Florida of all places? There are at least a dozen centers across the country that can provide them with top level care," I asked again.

"Yes, but, if we send them to Florida we can stay with Charlotte and Peter until the house is sold here. Maybe Peter can get you on the faculty where he works, and I can help Charlotte out in the flower shop until I can get established in the area," she said, hope sparking in her eyes as I mulled it over.

"Esme, dear, let's just take this one step at a time, okay? If he agrees to talk we'll discuss what we're going to do next," I told her as a quiet rapping at the door sounded before it swung open, revealing the suited officer I'd spoken to on the phone earlier in the evening.

I stood and hugged my wife, steeling myself to see this through and make Edward see reason just once in his god forsaken life before watching her depart the office to go see our daughter. For a second I almost wished I could trade places with her, the fear of coming face to face again with his wrath churning my stomach yet again. No matter what I did or said, whether I kept cool and calm or reacted fiercely, any involvement of mine whatsoever only ever fueled the raging fires coursing beneath the surface of that kid.

It was sad to admit that I was afraid of my own son, my own flesh and blood. He was just so damn volatile and hateful all the time, what option did I have left but to be afraid of his next actions or the next distasteful words that would inevitably come spewing out of his mouth.

"Let's get this over with," I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

"It'll be alright, Carlisle. He's not as far from your grasp as you think," Eleazar said as he patted me on the back and led me from the office.

"My son is about as detached from me as he can get. I lost my hold on him a decade ago and I've regretted it every day since," I said dismally. He'd never know how much I truly missed the bright and lively boy I'd once cherished with my entire being.

"Like I said, he's not as far from your grasp as you think. I spent some time watching him from behind the two-way mirror while we gave him some cool off time after the initial interrogation. He's hurting Carlisle. I couldn't see it when I was in the room with him, but goddamn did it show when he was alone in there," he said as he led me down the hall and to a stairwell door.

"Please don't give me hope right now, if this doesn't work I don't know what I'm going to do," I groaned as I shook my head. He stopped, his hand resting on the doorknob in front of him as he turned to me.

"I know this doesn't seem like it right now, but I really think that him being arrested was probably about the best thing that could have happened to him today," he said as I scoffed and looked at him incredulously. Since when was getting arrested _ever _a blessing?

"Hear me out," he said as he held up a hand to silence me. "I already told you that the people he was working for were after them, and while there's a very minute possibility that they could have only been after his friend, they were bound to go after him soon because one of my officers that was running loose surveillance on him for me warned me that he was getting ready to make a run for it. That _alone _would have painted a target on his back. You don't just up and run from people like this. It's a surefire way to get yourself killed. He wanted out Carlisle…he was trying to do it in an unsuccessfully calculated maneuver, but I believe that he _was _trying to get out."

"For all of our sakes I hope you're right, because if you're not, I don't have much of a leg to stand on in there," I grumbled as he opened the door and ushered me through.

I took a deep breath and said a silent prayer as we stood in front of a heavy wooden door, the only identifying characteristic upon it being a single letter 'A'. Through the small steel reinforced pane of glass on the side of it, I received the first glimpse of my son, my _true _son, in ten long years as he sat at the table, void of any expression, his eyes as unseeing and pained as his mother's in her final days as he stared back at himself from the mirror across from him. It was the look of personal failure and self hatred, and it had haunted me for the last twenty years of my life. I never wanted to witness it again, much less in his eyes…the ones that were so very remarkably similar to hers.

I stepped back from the door to rein in my emotions before entering the room. I was sure _that _look in his eyes would disappear the very second he spotted me. They'd cloud over with the wrath I had become so familiar with over the years and hateful words would spill from his lips. The vision of the boy I'd just seen and could barely remember would disappear in the blink of an eye and be replaced with the enraged twenty year old mass of destruction I'd come to readily recognize in an instant.

For all of Lizzie's despair that she was a failure as a mother, it had never been her. She'd never failed…it would have been impossible for her to have. She had been such a loving and affectionate woman. God I'd loved her so. I should have paid more attention to the signs. I should have been more focused on my wife and newborn son instead of my residency. If I'd just have seen how deeply she was being affected by post partum depression, I could have done more for her and she'd still be here. We'd still be a family. I'd still have my son.

"Are you ready?" Eleazar asked.

"No," I whispered as my gaze flitted to him. "What have I done? He's in there because of _me_, because of my failure as a husband and a father. What have I done to him?"

"_Carlisle_," he said sternly as he grabbed my shoulders. "You _need _to pull yourself together. You go in there like this and you'll _lose_ him. He needs his _father _right now, not someone willing and ready to take all of the blame. It was _his _actions, _his _decisions that got him here…_not yours_."

"You need to let go of your past mistakes and _stop_ letting him use them as a crutch. That kid in there may not look like it when you walk through that door, but he's scared shitless. If we lose him in there, that scared kid that still has a chance to turn his life around, is going to walk out of prison gates years from now a hardened criminal. There isn't going to be a second chance for him…this is it Carlisle. It's either the end of the road or the beginning of a new one where you pave it together," he said as I pushed myself off the wall and paced the corridor.

He was right. There was no way I could deny it. I may have made mistakes when he was just a child, but allowing him to continue blaming me for everything while simultaneously faulting myself wasn't going to get us anywhere. I'd always half heartedly accepted his blaming me for what had happened to his mother, only because it was better than him thinking _any_ part of it was his fault, but this…_this _he couldn't pin on me.

He'd chosen to leave when neither Esme nor I ever wanted him to go. He'd chosen to lead a life of crime and involve himself with those kinds of people. He could have come home at any time, just as Alice could have if she would have agreed to get herself help. It was time to bring them both home…whether they were ready for it or not.

"Let me in with him," I said, squaring my shoulders and taking a steadying breath.

"Are you sure you're ready?" he asked, pulling the keys from his pocket.

"As ready as I'll ever be," I nodded, praying I'd be able to keep my emotions in check. I wasn't sure anymore if I wanted to cry or rip him a new asshole for his current situation.

He unlocked the door and stepped in ahead of me and I saw the very second Edward's demeanor shifted.

"Hey Captain Dickwa…what the _fuck _are _you _doing here?" he spat, his cocky grin turning into a fierce scowl the second his eyes landed on me.

"Good to see you too, son," I said as I pulled out a chair and sat down across from him.

"I'll reiterate for you since you've apparently gone deaf since our last encounter. What the fuck are you doing here?" he sneered as I leaned forward and crossed my arms on the table.

"I came to help you. You look like shit by the way…you could use a shave and a decent night's sleep. When was the last time you rested for more than just a few short hours?" I asked, highly concerned over his appearance. The dark puffy circles under his eyes and his bloodshot corneas suggested a high degree of sleep deprivation. I'd know because I'd seen it in the mirror many times over the past few years.

"And it looks like you could use a salad. Fast food joint run out of heart attacks in a bag so you decided to check out the menu at the local P.D.?" he chuckled sinisterly, the sound of it sending a chill down my spine.

If it wasn't for the mop of bronze mess on his head, and his striking green irises…I wouldn't recognize the young man sitting across from me. There wasn't even a trace in him of the person that had come to my door asking for help for his sister before he'd lost his temper. The fact was, the person sitting across from me at the table was a complete stranger to me, and that shattered my already broken heart.

"Quit being a dickhead, I didn't come here to fight with you. I came to help if you'll let me do that for once," I sighed, leaning back in my chair.

"Help me?" he laughed, the sound of his baritone voice reverberating off the walls in the small room. "You mean help me like the last time? The _only _time I _ever _came to you and you _refused_?"

"You wanna help me?" he asked as he leaned forward, placing his handcuffed hands on the table and narrowing his bloodshot eyes at me.

"Yes…I want to help you," I responded as his jaw clenched and his lips tightened into a thin line.

"Then get that asshole to tell me where Bella is and then get the fuck out. I haven't needed you for years and I sure as _fuck _don't need you now," he seethed, pointing at the door and then jabbing his finger in my direction.

"Have you lost your goddamn mind?!" I roared, standing from my chair and slamming my hands down on the table. "Do you have _any _fucking clue how much shit you've dug yourself into?! What kind of danger you're in?!"

"What the fuck do you care?! Since when do _you _of all people give a goddamn flying shit what happens to me?!" he screamed back, shaking with rage.

"You're my fucking son! Of course I care what happens to you! I've _always _cared! Do you know what it does to me to see you sitting here in _handcuffs_ knowing you're two steps away from destroying your entire fucking life because you're too goddamn bullheaded to save your own ass?"

"You don't get it do you?" he sneered. "If I open my mouth, I'm fucking dead. I've _seen _what they do to snitches. I won't make it two fucking steps out of those motherfucking doors if I say one fucking word."

"You won't make it two steps out of those doors if you _don't_," Eleazar cut in, dropping a folder on the table. I shook my head and sank back down in my seat, feeling utterly hopeless.

"Do you recognize these two kids?" he asked as he slapped a set of photos down in front of him. Edward looked at them and then tilted his head to the side, avoiding both the photos and Eleazar standing next to him.

"That's Justin McElwee and Kevin Duvall. Justin disappeared the day after a minor brush with the law. We had no clue he was involved with the same people you are until _after _we discovered his body. Do you think it mattered to the people that did _this_ to him that he had only been arrested for a DUI?" he asked as he thrust the picture in his face again before tossing it on the table and reaching for the other one.

"Kevin was just like you. Wouldn't utter a single word in exchange for a plea bargain and witness protection. _This _was how he was found in his cell. He'd been in prison for three days. _Three days_,Edward. If you won't tell me who's responsible for these two kids, then tell me how it is you think you're getting out of here safely without my help," Eleazar said as he dropped the photo down on the table. "As long as they're out there running the streets, your days are numbered pal, and there's nothing I can do about it if you don't start talking."

"Where's Bella? I _want _to know where _Bella _is," he demanded, his jaw and fists clenched tightly.

"She's safe…for now. How long she stays that way depends on you," Eleazar responded cooly as he hiked up his pants and took a seat in a chair next to him.

"You can save your fucking mind games for some stupid fucker. I'm not falling for your shit. I made _damn _sure no one knew who the fuck she was. Now, where the fuck is she?" he spat.

"You sure about that?" Eleazar asked as he pulled the folder toward them and opened it to sift through more photos.

"Here's you and her getting in your car together," he said as he tossed the photo in his direction, and continued describing photos as he dropped them in front of him. "You and her at Johan and Addie's diner, here's another one of the four of you leaving an apartment building together. Another one of the two of you at the diner, some more of the two of you in your car, here's a bunch of Alice and Jasper, some of just Bella…a lot of just her actually, and here's one more of her and someone else pulling you out of the backseat of your car."

"It was _you_ tailingme?" he growled, angrily pushing the photos away from him.

"Not closely. We never got close enough that you or anyone else would have noticed. I knew putting any type of heat on you would ultimately put you in danger…all of you. I've tried to keep your ass safe every step of the way, something you've made increasingly difficult for me over the last few weeks."

"Not closely," he scoffed. "How the fuck do you explain all this shit if you weren't following me _closely_? And keeping me _safe_? _Really_? You fuckers _shot out _the house we were in. How the fuck is that keeping us _safe_?"

"The bullet that went through that kitchen window didn't come from any of my mens' guns. It came from the one belonging to this man," he said, moving the folder in front of him and pointing to one of two gruesome photos on a sheet of paper. "Eyewitnesses identified the car they'd shown up in, but when we ran the plates, they came back as stolen and no VIN tags could be found on it. While inspecting it, we found these photos inside of it along with some drug paraphernalia and a camera, but nothing providing either of their identities. What are their names Edward?"

"_I don't know_," he growled.

"Have you listened to a _word _I've said to you? _Both_ of these men were getting ready to ambush the four of you when we arrived on scene. I have no doubt that if we'd have arrived just _minutes_ later, you and your friends would have traded places with these two. It'd be the four of you laid out on metal gurneys in the city morgue…not them."

"Oh Jesus fucking Christ," Edward groaned, turning his head as the color drained from his face.

"Who are they? Who sent them after you, Edward?" Eleazar asked, pounding a finger over their pictures.

"Son, _please_, just cooperate so we can get you out of this mess," I pled. I didn't know how many more details I could stomach.

"You've gotta give me _something_ to go on here, kid. I've got two nameless bodies chilling out in the morgue and I've got _nothing_ leading me back to whoever the hell sent them after you," Eleazar urged with a forceful tone.

"Fucking shit! I don't know who the fuck to believe anymore! How do I know those aren't _your _photos and that wasn't one of _your _bullets that blasted past us?! Fuck!" he roared, nearly falling out of his chair and stumbling backwards into the wall.

"Son," I said as I jumped out of my seat, quickly making my way over to him. He was breaking down and it was tearing me to pieces to witness. "I swear if you just give them what they're asking for you won't go to prison. I'll keep you safe...I'll get you and Alice as far away from here as I can…"

"I don't fucking _trust you_!" he roared, pushing me away violently. "Why should I fucking believe you?! You'll probably just walk the fuck away as soon as they get what the fuck they want out of me!"

"I won't…Jesus I swear on _my life_ I won't. I'm _here_ Edward. I'm not leaving here without you…without _both of you_," I vowed, my eyes tearing from seeing just how badly I'd damaged my own child.

He'd been so lost in the world for so long, unable to trust anyone, and here…in this moment when his very life depended on it, he couldn't find an ounce of faith in his own flesh and blood standing before him. And it was all my fault. I'd lied to him for half his life to spare him the pain I'd gone through, and in the process, caused him more pain than I could have ever imagined one person could possibly endure.

"Edward, you give me the names and locations of anyone you can think of that poses _any_ of you a threat, and on my word as a police officer, if not as a member of _your _family that loves and cares for you, as soon as they're in custody you'll be on the next flight across country to join Alice in rehab," Eleazar said as he stepped forward.

"_Rehab_ that's just fucking _awesome_…you do realize I'll never make it there don't you?" he laughed humorlessly as he slid down the wall, a single tear cascading down his face.

"You _will_, I'll make absolute certain of it myself," Eleazar promised.

My son's eyes closed as another tear cascaded down his face, his chin began quivering and his breaths became uneven as I literally _felt _him detach himself from the entire world around him. It was as if the air around us had shifted as his resolve set in, sending fear rippling down my spine as an emotionless voice broke free from his lips.

"I won't. Let me see Bella, and then I'll give you what you want," he said and then opened his eyes, the look in them nearly crippling me as he focused only on Eleazar. "Just let me say goodbye."

"I have your word on that?" Eleazar asked.

"It's the only way I can keep her safe. If I have to spare myself to do it, then so be it," he said, his head flopping back and thumping against the wall.

"I'll be back in a few minutes. You're doing the right thing, Edward," Eleazar said as he thumped him on the shoulder and stood from his crouched position. I waited until the door closed and locked behind him before crouching down next to my son.

"We'll get through this. We'll get you out of here, you can breeze through your stay in rehab and then all of this can eventually become a distant memory," I said, hoping to coax him back from whatever had him so resigned in his supposed fate. Whatever end he thought was coming for him would have to come over my dead body because I was _not_ about to let it happen.

"You know…I used to wish we could sit this close without wanting to tear each other apart," he mused, sounding so goddamn wistful and calm that I found myself fighting not to just grab a hold of him and keep him safe in my arms. Protect him from everything he was thinking and feeling, and everything that was capable of doing him any harm. For the first time in a decade, my little boy was actually _speaking _to me, and I _hated _the knowledge of what was making him do it with every fiber of my being.

"I've wished for that _every day _of the last ten years. We can son, starting now. I'm _here_, and I _swear_ I'm not leaving here without you," I croaked, my voice thick with emotion as his head lolled to the side and he focused his desolate gaze on me.

"It's too late, Dad….it's over. For what it's worth, I'm sorry" he said, a tear slipping from the side of his eye and carving it's way down his face. I couldn't take it anymore, I lurched forward and pulled him to me tightly.

"Jesus Edward, it's not too late. It's _never _too fucking late, do you hear me?" I demanded as his cuffed wrists lifted over my head and his arms wrapped around me, clinging to me desperately as a sob ripped through his chest.

"Promise me…fucking _promise me _you'll get her out of here. Whatever the fuck happens to me…get Bella as fucking far away from here as you can and keep her safe," he pled, his tears soaking the shoulder of my shirt as his arms tightened behind me to an almost painful degree.

"Don't talk like that!" I gritted through clenched teeth, tears rolling down my own face as I held onto him for dear life. "You're _going _to make it out of this. God…please, _please_ don't fucking give up. I've missed you too damn much to lose you now."

"She's beautiful…the most beautiful thing I've ever fucking seen. She's had such a hard life. I wanted so bad to get out of all this shit and give her everything I could. Do it for me…give her the world, give her everything I couldn't," he said with a trembling voice just as I heard the door open.

"Carlisle, Esme wishes a word with you," Eleazar said, causing Edward to immediately pull back, shielding his face as he lifted his arms back over my head.

"In a minute," I replied, not removing my gaze from my son.

"Look at me, Edward," I whispered, pushing his wild hair away from his forehead and tried not to focus on how devoid of life his eyes were. "This isn't the end for you, this is just the beginning. I won't let go of you this time…I can't live in this world without you."

"It's too late…there's no fucking way out of this for me," he said, shaking his head as he started to rise from the floor.

I rose to stand in front of him, desperately thinking of _something _to say to make him stop thinking the way he was. It was _killing _me to hear and terrifying me to even contemplate the possibility that he was talking about ending his life with his own hands.

"Carlisle," Eleazar urged. I looked between him and my son, completely torn and feeling helpless as to what to do.

"Go…I want to get this shit over with," Edward said, jerking his head toward the door.

I stepped forward and grasped the back of his head as I pulled him to me. "I won't be far," I sighed as his head rested against my shoulder.

I couldn't remember when the hell he'd gotten so damn tall, causing another surge of emotion to course through me knowing just how much of his life I'd missed in the destruction of our family.

"I know…just go," he said and then cleared his throat as he stepped back, bringing both of his arms up to his face to brush the sleeve of his sweatshirt against his face.

It had never been so hard for me to turn around and tear my gaze away from him. Our encounters usually ended with him storming away and me slamming a door or him speeding away from me. The pain of knowing that my little boy had been hidden somewhere beneath the surface of all that anger and hatred for all these years felt as though it could tear me limb from limb with every torturous step I took away from him. I'd lost hope long ago that any part of the boy I knew remained within him, and to know he'd been there all along…was crippling.

"I'll be back in a minute with Bella," Eleazar said as he sat a bottle of soda down on the table for him along with a bag of chips I assumed he grabbed from a nearby vending machine. Edward just nodded silently as he sat down in the chair, not giving the items a second glance.

"Eleazar," I said as he shut the door and locked it. "He needs to be on suicide watch. I'm terrified he's going to do something stupid."

"The holding cell we have him and Jasper in has constant surveillance. I'll make sure he has no way of causing himself harm in there," he nodded as he led me into the room adjacent to the one we'd been in.

I immediately noticed the two way mirror Esme was standing in front of, providing a clear view of our son, and I briefly wondered how long she'd been standing there. I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her, her watery gaze never veering from her view of him through the glass.

"I'll give you two a few minutes of privacy," Eleazar said, stepping out of the room and shutting the door behind him. It remained silent between us for a series of moments as we gazed at his slumped over form at the table through the glass.

"I've never seen him look so broken," she whispered, her palm pressing against the cool surface. I didn't know how to respond, not wanting to alert her yet to his possible suicidal state, so I avoided it by asking a question in return.

"Did you see Alice? How is she?" I asked worriedly.

"She's…a mess Carlisle. I just don't get it. Just a few weeks ago Addie was telling me how much better they were doing. That it seemed like they had found a bit of happiness and stability…and now _this_," she said, tearing her gaze away from the mirror as she shook her head and looked up at me.

"I don't know what to tell you Esme, I know just as much, if not less, about their lives than you do," I replied after sighing and shaking my head.

"It looked like you two finally managed to bridge the gap...that's a good thing," she said, heartbreak clear in her hushed words. I knew how badly she'd hurt for so long, and how hopeless she's felt when it came to her destroyed bond with Edward. I'd hurt just as badly and felt just as hopeless, but truthfully, I wasn't sure just how long he'd allow the door between us to remain open once we were out of here.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves here. He's in a pretty precarious emotional state right now. We may have taken a small step in the right direction, but we've got a long way to go. Who knows what lay ahead of us," I told her, unsure if his willingness to let me in, even momentarily, was because he was truly ready to give me a chance or if it was just because he was convinced this was the end. It was hard to tell.

"Do you think they'll ever allow us to be a part of their lives again?" she asked, tears welling up in her eyes as she looked from him to me.

"I hope so, honey...I truly hope so," I whispered, touching my lips to her forehead.

A figure moving in front of the window on the door to his room caught my attention and I watched as the door opened and Eleazar stepped into the room. He walked forward and motioned for Edward to turn in his seat as he said something to him that we were unable to hear. We watched as he raised his wrists and Eleazar removed his handcuffs and placed them in his back pocket before turning back toward the door and motioning for someone to enter.

Esme gasped as a frail brunette stepped into the room, pausing next to Eleazar as he spoke, his gaze shifting between the two of them but theirs focused only on each other. The only indication that we had that they'd even understood a word he'd said was a slight nod from the pair as Edward stood from his seat.

"Oh my...that's the girl from the diner," Esme voiced, seemingly stunned as she stepped even closer to the glass.

"Her name's Bella...you know her?" I asked curiously as Eleazar stepped out of the room.

The door had barely latched shut when she appeared to sob as she took her first step toward him. It stunned me to see my son move so fast, rounding the side of the table nearly instantly and enveloping her in his arms.

"She works for Addie and Johan. They adore her...God it all makes sense now. All of her cryptic talk of seeing changes in him while stealing not so stealthy glances at her. She's the reason for the changes Addie and Johan saw in him," she rambled as I watched my son interact with her in awe.

The way he gently inspected her wrists where her handcuffs had been, kissing each one tenderly before pushing her hair away from her face and holding it between his hands as if she were the most precious thing in the world. Every minute action speaking volumes of an adoration and tenderness I could have never imagined he'd have been capable of.

"Excuse me...I just need to flip that switch right there," Eleazar said, startling me some as I hadn't heard him reenter the room. The second the switch was engaged, the sound of my son's voice came through a set of speakers in the room.

"...sorry Bella...God I'm so sorry. I fucked up bad. We should have ran a long fucking time ago," he said, his voice saturated with emotion and remorse.

"Edward...I'm scared...what's going to happen to us?" she spluttered through her tears, gripping onto his sweatshirt as he swiped away at her tears with his thumbs.

"Don't be scared, baby. I'm gonna fix this shit. I'll do whatever the fuck I have to so that I know they can't hurt you, but Bella..." he paused, fighting to rein in his emotions as a sob nearly broke free from him. "You have to promise me something. When you get out of here, get as fucking far away from here as you can and never look back. Swear to me that you'll run and only stop when you know you're safe."

"No!" she wailed, shaking from the force of her gasping breaths through her sobs. "I'm not going anywhere without you!"

"Baby please...I'll fucking die if something happens to you because of me. I _swear_ I'll find you, no matter where you go...I'll find you baby, just please, run," he pleaded, crushing her to him so she wouldn't see the lie on his face that even _I_ could see clear as day. In his mind, he wasn't making it out of here. He was just telling her what she needed to hear so he could ensure she'd do as he asked.

"He can't _possibly_ want her to take off on her own...she's all of what? Seventeen... Eighteen maybe? Where are her parents for Christ's sake?" I nearly growled. With as estranged as our relationship was with our children, _we_ were here...why the hell weren't they?

"She doesn't have any, and she just turned eighteen," Eleazar replied after clearing his throat. Esme released another gasp as we turned to face him to see the grim expression upon his face in the dimly lit room.

"We did a search for any reports of missing children fitting her description after she told us she'd run away from home approximately three years ago, but nothing came back. I placed a call to the local police department where she said she'd grown up and was told that her mother passed away five years ago, proceeded by her father six months ago. Nothing's come up on any other living relatives," he said, shifting in his seat to lean forward.

"Jesus," I muttered, looking back through the glass to see them embracing tightly. Edward was speaking to her, but not loud enough to make out what he was saying.

"What I can't figure out though is that her father had been the Chief of police in her hometown of Forks at one point, but resigned sometime after his wife's death. It doesn't make sense that there were no reports of a runaway child. As if it isn't strange enough that it had gone unreported with her father having been a cop, a Chief nonetheless, it's even stranger still that _no one else _reported her missing. Someone _somewhere_ in that small town had to have noticed that his daughter disappeared," he said, appearing completely bewildered.

"Could she have fabricated when she ran away?" I asked, knowing there had to be a logical explanation for it.

"It's possible...but I don't see why she'd alter the timeframe in that direction," he replied, leaning back in his chair and gesticulating with one hand as he explained further, "Logically speaking, if she _was_ going to lie about when in fact she ran, she would have said after her father passed, or at the very least, after she'd turned eighteen...which was only a few weeks ago. It would have been less suspicious that a report hadn't been made in either of those scenarios."

"Carlisle...we can't let her run off on her own with no one to turn to," Esme said, placing her hand on my upper arm. I covered it with my own, tracing my thumb over her fingers as I looked back over at Eleazar.

"Are there _any _other options available for this girl aside from running and hitting the streets again?"

"Look, I'm going to be straight with you," he said, rising from his seat and making his way over to the two way mirror. He leaned against the edge of it, one hand in his pocket as he angled his body towards us and pointed at her with the other. "These kids, this girl and their friend Jasper...they don't have a wing and a prayer of making it off these streets alone. From what I've uncovered thus far, her father lost the house in a foreclosure just prior to his death and there was no trust fund or life insurance left behind since he had been unemployed dating back to when he left the force. It's fairly safe to assume at this point that she has absolutely nothing with which to make a fresh start. We can line them up with a homeless shelter, but the chances of them finding decent jobs with no skills and being able to make it out of there are slim to none."

"Doesn't he have any family either?" Esme questioned as I ran a hand through my hair. This situation just kept getting worse by the minute.

"We haven't been able to locate any so far, and he declined his right to a phone call...just as she did, claiming there was no one for him to call. We ran a background check on both of them, and they both came back clean aside from a minor brushes with another precinct just outside the city limits on his part for loitering. It netted us with names for his parents, but their whereabouts are unknown. For all we know they're running around under false aliases," he replied and then looked down at his watch before looking in on the adjacent room.

I moved from my wife's side and pressed my arm against the glass, resting my forehead against it as I focused in on my son and his girlfriend. He was leaning against the wall, holding her tightly to him with his head nuzzled in her neck. As if he could tell he was being watched at that precise moment, his head lifted, his eyes seeming to focus directly on mine as his mouth formed a silent plea. A silent plea that tore me apart in the form of the single word of 'please'.

"Eleazar...I need to speak with my wife in private, please," I requested, closing my eyes as I pulled myself away from the glass and stood up straight.

"Certainly...I should be getting her back to her holding cell anyway. When you're ready we'll discuss how this is all going to go down before we proceed any further," he said with an obliging nod.

"Thank you," I replied as he turned to make his way out of the room.

Esme turned to stand next to me as we peered through the glass, watching as Eleazar entered the adjacent room.

"I'm sorry, but it's time kids," he said, keeping his position at the door. Edward nodded to him before focusing his gaze on Bella's face, his eyes welling up with tears once more.

"I love you..._so_ fucking much," he said as a tear slipped from his right eye and he bent his head down to kiss her. It was a chaste kiss, nothing more than a lingering peck, but the searing pain that was so evident in his expression before he even pulled away stripped away what little resistance remained in me.

"They're coming with us," I said firmly.

I had no other option. I couldn't bear to be the one to take away the one person in the world he'd managed to form such a strong connection to. If I left her go, cast her back out onto the streets she'd been on, whatever hopes I had of reestablishing our relationship would surely vanish. The brief glimpse I'd gotten just a short while earlier of the son I'd lost so long ago, would be the last I'd ever experience.

_Any_ chance I had at reconciliation needed to start with an act of faith on my part to earn even just a sliver of his trust. Trust in keeping a promise I'd denied an answer to when he'd demanded it.

"Thank God," my wife breathed, as if she'd been holding her breath, her hand coming up to rest over her heart. "I didn't think I'd have the energy to fight you on it tonight."

"Esme...I know I can be unreasonable from time to time," I said, pausing as she shot me an incredulous look. "Okay...a lot of the time, but I'm not _heartless_."

"I wouldn't have married you if you were," she said as she hugged herself to my arm.

"I need you to go back to the house and start gathering clothes and anything important that can't be left behind until we can come back to retrieve it. We need to be ready to leave as soon as we can get them out of here," I told her, knowing we'd be pressed for time. "Call Charlotte in the morning and alert them to the situation. Ask her to get the names of any local treatment centers that provide both mental health and substance abuse treatment on an inpatient basis. We don't know those two kids, what they do or don't need in terms of help, so it's best we cover all our bases."

"Should I ask Peter to look into any available physician openings at the hospital?" she asked as I shook my head.

"No...I'm not worried about that right now. I chose to focus on my career over my family once. I _won't _do it again. I'm putting in my resignation at the hospital first thing in the morning. Practicing medicine will always be something I have the option of returning to...but this may be our last chance at mending our relationships with our children," I said, looking in on my son.

I knew it wouldn't be easy, that it would be a tremendous struggle to repair the destruction our family had suffered, but I had to have faith that we could overcome it. I had to hope that if they saw how hard we were willing to fight for them, that they'd fight not only for themselves and their futures, but for our future as a family together as well. No, it definitely wasn't going to be easy, not for any of us, but then again, nothing worth fighting for ever is.

We spoke for a short while more, Esme filling me in on her brief visit with Alice while we awaited Eleazar's return. It was unnerving to hear how much weight my daughter had lost since I'd last seen her in February, especially knowing it was directly related to her drug addiction. Even more unnerving than her physical state, was my wife's description of her unstable emotions. Hearing how she bounced back and forth between crying, laughing, and screaming repeatedly within less than an hour terrified me with the probability that she'd done serious permanent damage to her neurological chemical receptors. Highly volatile and uncontrollable bursts of emotion were a clinical sign of prolonged and heavy narcotic abuse. I could only pray that it would subside over time with sobriety.

When Eleazar returned, he briefed us on his plans. He was confident that with the information Edward gave him, he'd be able to get a trace on every name within a day and be ready to move in on them within seventy two hours. After telling him that their friends, Bella and Jasper, would be coming with us, he decided that it'd be best to move them separately. His plan was to have Esme going with the girls to a small airport in Wenatchee and me going with the boys to a separate airport in Yakima, both places two hours outside of Seattle, and we'd depart the station as soon as he got word that his men had "secured their targets".

Our not understanding the necessity of driving two hours out when SEATAC airport was so much closer elicited Eleazar going on to explain there was a slight possibility that there were members of the drug ring that Edward may not be aware of, and to avoid the possibility of being followed, the kids would be separated into two transport vehicles, each taking round about routes to their destinations.

When he started talking about decoy cars that would randomly split off from the actual transport car...he lost me. It all seemed like one giant dangerous game of cat and mouse, or a scene straight out of an action thriller movie. It was completely surreal.

How he'd managed to work out all of these details in the short period of time since Edward had agreed to cooperate, left me wondering if he'd formed this plan well beforehand, anticipating the possible need for it once he'd discovered my son's involvement with these kinds of people.

Hearing all the details of how quickly everything had happened, from his getting confirmation that "Big E" was Edward just a few weeks prior, to his giving the command to bring Alice and Jasper in with hopes of them having knowledge of Edward's immediate whereabouts - only to find Edward with Alice and Jasper when they stormed the house...all of it left me feeling dizzy and nauseated.

"Wait...if you were having a hard time keeping tabs on him, how do you have any physical evidence against him?" I asked, confused.

"Your son's a smart kid...he's slick too. He's got a real knack for keeping himself under the radar and avoiding arousing suspicion from others, but he made a crucial and stupid mistake. I told you how one of my officers had spotted him after he had disappeared for about a week and he informed me that his behavior was highly suspicious and that he had a hunch Edward was getting ready to make a run for it...well, my best guess at this point, is that something spooked the hell out of your kid yesterday and sent him fleeing in a panic. What it was that set him off, I have no clue, but he ditched his drug supply in a fast food restaurant dumpster," he replied and I groaned. Of all the stupid things to do...right out in the open nonetheless.

"An employee there spotted him and thought it was suspicious so he wrote down the license plate number and went to investigate. When he fished out the bag and found its' contents, he called the station immediately. His physical description of the person he saw dumping the bag was spot on, not to mention the license plate number matched that of Edward's car, directly links that evidence to your son. The truly damning part of all of it though, is that the contents of the bag were riddled with his fingerprints. Had it not been for him making that one single mistake...we'd be sitting in the middle of a completely different situation."

"How so? These people would still be after the four of them," I interjected.

"True, but he wouldn't have been facing a prison sentence and a permanent record of criminal behavior that would ruin his entire life if he continued to refuse our offer," he said and then cast me an apologetic look.

"Carlisle, you have to understand that my _only _intention of bringing Jasper and Alice in yesterday was to find Edward and get him out of there before it was too late. I hadn't foreseen my men finding him there with them, nor had I ever imagined having irrefutable evidence of his activities dropped in my lap, limiting my ability to get him out of the danger he'd placed himself in without getting myself and my entire department caught up in bureaucratic red tape," he explained regretfully.

"Thank you, Eleazar...for everything. We owe you more than we can ever repay for everything you've done," Esme said tearfully.

"They're good kids deep down, Esme. They just lost their way and need guidance to find their ways back. They're not the typical street running thugs we see around here every day that run around causing problems everywhere they go," he shrugged and then looked down at his watch as I checked in on Edward through the glass. He was hunched over, resting his head on his forearms. Looking down at my own watch I realized it was nearly two am, and he had to be just as exhausted as I was, if not more so judging by his appearance when I'd first seen him.

"It's late, what do you say we get this over with so we can all get a little bit of rest. I'm sure you both will be getting about as much of it as I will these next few days," Eleazar commented.

I simply nodded and rose from my seat, fishing the car keys out of my pocket to hand off to Esme. She didn't need to hear any part of what was to come, not that it'd be any worse than anything we'd heard already...then again, I couldn't be so sure of that. Lord only knows what kind of information was locked away in that boy's head from his two years on the streets.

Eleazar and I walked Esme out to our car, and after he promised to give me a lift on his way home, I kissed her goodnight and watched as she pulled out of the parking lot. Just minutes later I was once again sitting in the interrogation room with my son, only this time on the same side of the table, in the seat next to him. Once again I found myself having no way of knowing whether his docile acceptance of the support I was trying to provide for him was out of genuine want for it, or a product of his conviction that this was the beginning of the end.

"Hey," I said quietly, placing my hand at the back of his head. He slowly turned his head toward me as I grasped the back of his neck. "I promise."

His chin trembled as his jaw clenched and his eyes closed, an uneven breath stuttering its way out of him before his eyes slowly opened again, focusing back on mine with their glassy appearance from unshed tears. "Thank you."

"It'll all work out, son. Let's just get through this first step and then we'll find our way from there, okay?" I hedged, needing for him to gain at least a little hope.

He nodded, a ghost of a smile appearing for the briefest of moments as he locked his eyes with my own, and for once there was no glare, narrowing, or hatred burning within them - just despair and regret. In seventy two hours I hoped to be rid of one of them...the other...well the other would take time and effort to remove...from both of our eyes.

"Whenever you're ready, Edward," Eleazar stated, sitting across from us, files spread out across the table, pen in hand and hovering over a legal pad, and tape recorder rolling.

My son looked from him back to me, and after searching my eyes for whatever it was he felt he needed, he nodded just once and took in a resolving breath before looking back at Eleazar and started in on an extremely detailed and graphic account of the last two years of his life, parts of which shook me to my very core, and it all started with a sentence that left me fully unprepared for what was to come.

"The two men in those photos...the ones you say were at the house...they're names are Paul Rizzo and James Lacrosse. They both worked for Jared Black."


	29. Chapter 28

**A/N:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

EPOV 

Forty-eight hours locked up in a holding cell with the douchebag for our own safety...check.

Ten hours locked away in an interrogation room spilling my guts out...check.

Spending half a day in said interrogation room hiding out with the rest of our convoy...fucking bullshit but check.

At least being able to have my girl in my arms while sitting in that damn stuffy room...yeah our lives weren't some fucking Mastercard commercial or some shit but finally being able to have her in my arms was _definitely_ fucking priceless.

It had been three days of fucking straight up hell. As if I wasn't stressed the fuck out enough with everything that had happened and adding in all the shit P.D. threw in my face...I got to top my fucking little iron-barred vacation off with what seemed like Carlisle trying to play Daddy-of-the-Year.

Seriously...the fucker would _not_ back the fuck up off me for like just _five_ goddamn minutes.

I'd seen more of his ass in the last seventy two hours than I had in the last two and half fucking years combined. He was driving me up a fucking wall...but I fuckin' swallowed that shit down and dealt with it. The man was fucking trying...for once.

I think he was trying anyway. _Fuck_, I had no idea what his motives were...but if they got us the fuck out of here...I didn't give a shit.

My head had been all over the goddamn place over the last few days. That first morning, after spending an entire fuckin' night giving Eleazar - and yeah, it fucking floored me to get the news that he was like my fucking uncle or some shit - every last bit of information I could fucking think of, I laid on my cot in my holding cell, listening to Jasper's goddamn fucking chainsaw snoring and let every last bit of everything that had happened just sink into my fucking head.

It fucked me up something fierce.

I'd never needed Bella more than I did when all that shit came down on me like a motherfucking avalanche. It broke me...there was no fucking way around it. Knowing how close we'd come to dying even though I'd done every fucking thing I could to ensure our safety...only to be saved by the _last_ people I'd ever have thought would have given a single shit about a dickhead street hoodlum like myself...the whole thing was a total goddamn mind fuck.

And the worst fucking part...was knowing there was little to no fucking chance that I would make it out of that goddamn building alive.

Breaking down in that fucking cold ass dingy white walled cell marked the fucking beginning of Carlisle's Daddy-of-the-Year Campaign. How the fucker even knew I was falling apart was beyond me, but he was down there and in the cell within like five fuckin' minutes, pulling me into him and telling me repeatedly that everything was gonna be alright.

Part of me wanted to punch him right in the fuckin' face because his ass was just as responsible for where we were sitting as I was, and for the fact that he was lying straight to my fucking face. I fucking _knew_ shit wasn't gonna be okay. Everything was as far from being fucking _okay_ as it goddamn could be. I was sitting in a fucking jail cell staring at my goddamn illusionary hole in the dirt of a grave...shit was _not _okay.

The other part of me just wanted to fucking cling to him and believe every goddamn word he was saying. It was when he started apologizing repeatedly, his voice wavering with overwhelming sorrow, that I gave up fighting against him.

I wanted everything to work out. I wanted to make it the fuck out of this building alive and be given my second chance at life. I wanted to make it out alive so I could have the goddamn chance to change everything that was fucking wrong with my life, to make something of myself that Bella could be proud of...that _I _could be fucking proud of.

It's a motherfucking bitch when you're facing the last few hours of your life and all you can think of is all the shit you still fucking want out of it.

And being in my father's arms was just making that shit _worse_.

He was giving me a glimpse of the man I barely remembered from my childhood, a fucking sneak peek at what we could have had if we'd been able to fix shit...and it _sucked_ because I'd never get the chance to even _try_ to fix our shit...and I wanted to.

_God_ I fucking wanted to.

Two days straight of wrestling with all that bullshit in my head had drained the fucking life out of me. By the time Eleazar moved us up to the interrogation room I'd been in the first day, I was almost praying for one of Jared's guys to break into the precinct building and put my ass out of my misery. Almost.

That shit ended the second I spotted Bella through the window on the door into the room, all nervous and fidgety and shit as she waited for me. I don't know which one of us moved quicker once her eyes locked on me, but once I had her in my arms...I didn't give a shit. It was the first moment in three goddamn days that I had the slightest bit of hope that we'd make it the fuck out of there.

I think I'd been in the room all of five damn minutes before Eleazar informed us of "the plan"...and I wigged the fuck out. I mean, come the fuck on...were they really stupid enough to expect me to react rationally or some shit after keeping my girl and I apart for three goddamn days? Fuck no...I wasn't havin' it. She was finally back within my grasp and there wasn't a fucking chance in _hell_ I was letting go of her again.

I'd already spent three days cooped up with the fucktard across the room. I wasn't about to spend another entire day stuck next to his moody ass in cars and planes, so yeah, I pitched a fuckin' fit...and Carlisle jumped at the chance to earn some more brownie points for his fucking "DotY" campaign. Motherfucker didn't even put up a fight...just sighed in that tired and fucking resigned way and told Eleazar it was fine...that it'd probably be best for everyone involved if Bella and Jasper switched.

Damn fuckin' straight it was better for everyone involved. Bella had suffered enough with watching me battle the side effects of detoxing. She didn't need to be stuck watching that shit again with Alice, and after three days in the slammer, Ali was a fucking wreck. Jasper's ass wasn't much better off, sitting right next to her with his face in his hands like the weight of the world was draggin his ass down...or he was about to spew again.

To hell with that shit. My detox was still fresh in my fuckin' mind...I didn't wanna watch anyone else go through that bullshit and I sure as fuck didn't want Bella having to witness it any longer than she had to either.

"Are you really gonna be stuck in rehab for three months?" Bella whispered as I ducked my face into the crook of her neck. I kissed the side of her neck and then nodded, whispering, "Yeah. It's part of the deal to keep my record clean."

"How long will I be in there?" she asked quietly, turning her head to look at me. "Will we be able to see each other in there?"

"I don't really know, baby," I sighed, tightening my arms around her. "I don't think you'll be in there for long though. You don't have a fuckin' drug addiction or anything so this shit is pointless for you. Don't worry about it though...as soon as you get out you'll be able to come visit me. Shit you better come visit me or I'll go out of my fuckin' mind."

"I will...but, Edward...where am I even gonna go after I get out. I have no place to stay...no money...what am I gonna do?" she asked worriedly.

"It'll be okay, baby...we'll figure it all out together," I whispered in her ear, because that shit was the goddamn truth. No matter what happened after we walked out of this goddamn interrogation room, we'd deal with that shit together.

"When you're released you'll be staying with us, Bella," Carlisle spoke and my eyes shot in his direction, kind of pissed that he was eavesdropping and shit in our conversation. His expression sombered as my eyes narrowed at him and he sighed, shaking his head just fuckin' barely. "I promised, Edward...and I'm going to keep that promise."

His eyes shifted from me to Bella after he said that shit and he gave her a slight smile, I guessed to fucking reassure her or comfort her or some shit as he spoke to her, "You'll be welcome to stay with us as long as you'd like."

"Thank you," she mumbled, her face flushing slightly as she watched her fingers pick at a loose string on her jeans.

He nodded and kept his gaze leveled on us for a series of moments before I had to look away. The fucking hope in his eyes was too much to fuckin' take. It made me feel like he was expecting by his doing me a favor by keeping her safe while my ass was locked away in rehab, that it'd magically fix everything that was still fucked up between us. As if once I got out it'd be like we were starting with a clean slate...but no matter how much I wished shit could be that simple...it just fuckin' wasn't. There'd been too much damage done over the years to be able to just start fresh like nothing had ever happened. Like there had never been an unconquerable distance wedged between all of our fucked up asses.

It wasn't gonna be easy and I didn't have a fuckin' clue what it was gonna take to fix all of our goddamn issues...but the one thing I did know was that I wasn't gonna bitch out this time around. I couldn't go through what I had over the last two shitty years again.

Nearly being fuckin' murdered, getting arrested, and narrowly missing spending half of the rest of my fucking life in prison...had been like getting smacked in the face with a goddamn giant ass brick of "wake the fuck up." I'd turned my life into a goddamn fucking diaster with the crap ass choices I'd made and it was gonna take a fuckton of work to dig my ass out of the piles of debris I'd left in my wake...but I'd fuckin' do it.

I'd had my fair share of life altering moments...and every goddamn time I'd had one, my stupid ass had taken the path that lead further down into the bowels of the fucked up world we'd been saved from. I wasn't gonna jack that shit up again...I couldn't. This chance I was being given to start over was the last one I'd ever get. There wouldn't be some long lost family member in some high up P.D. position to save my ass if I fucked my shit up again. It'd be over. Those fuckin' iron barred doors would slam behind me and, when and if, they ever opened again...it wouldn't matter anymore because my life would be permanently fucked.

My head raised and my eyes opened as I heard the door to the interrogation room open just in time to see Eleazar and another officer step into the room.

"It's time," Eleazar said simply, and for who knows what the fuck reason, I actually looked to my father as Bella crawled off my lap. He looked down at me as I continued to sit on the hard ass floor, one side of his mouth turned up in a half a grin...that goddamn hope, or whatever the fuck it was, still shining in his eyes as he nodded and stood from his chair.

In three strides he was standing in front of me and I watched in stupefied fucking silence as he held his hand out to me, "This is it, Edward. Whatever happens from here on out is what we _choose_ to make happen."

My eyes locked on his as I fought against the natural instinct to slap his hand away. Part of me wanted to believe that his gesture was empty, that it meant nothing more than helping me up off the floor, but as that hope still fucking glimmered in his eyes...I couldn't. His gesture wasn't part of his stupid ass campaign or just a fucking friendly helping hand or some shit. He was asking me to make a choice, the same choice he'd made by offering me his hand in the first place.

His outstretched hand was an invitation to be a part of his life again, a gesture to show me he _wanted_ me to be a part of his life again...and by taking it...I'd be inviting him back into my own. I could take it and fight to let him in again, or leave it and shut the door in his face like we'd always fuckin' done to each other in the past...

...so I took it.

I took it because within the last few days some part of me had begun to understand that our fucked up past wasn't as black and white as I'd always envisioned it.

I took it because I'd spent the last ten fucking years of my life hating a man I'd once loved and admired...and in the last few days I'd witnessed glimpses of the man I'd believed for so long didn't exist.

And I took it because I wanted to believe he did.

He'd said whatever happened from here on out would be what we chose to make happen...so I chose. I chose to take his hand and allow myself to fucking hope that we could find our ways back to a time when shit hadn't been so goddamn fucked up between us. Back to a time when I'd still had a father and mother and they'd still had a son.

When I made it to the door, I turned to look back into the interrogation room one last time. Into the very same room where I'd relived every fucked up and horrifying moment of violence and crime with each word I spoke...each word I'd once vowed would go to the fucking grave with me. The words that saved me from the goddamn grave and gave me a second chance at life. Looking in that room, the only thing I could think of was how goddamn hard it was going to be for all of us to turn our lives back around now that we'd hit a fucking dead end.

On average, three out of every four convicted felons will commit another crime within the first year of being released. I'd almost been a convicted felon...in the eyes of most, I should be a convicted felon, serving time for the shit I'd done wrong instead of having been given a second chance.

On average, only one out of every ten addicts will be successful in lifelong sobriety. Three out of the four of us are addicts. Out of the three of us, only Ali and I had attempted sobriety in the past...and thus far, both of us had fucking failed miserably. Yeah, I hadn't touched a single fuckin' thing in about eight days or so...but eight days meant absolute jack shit in the timeline of a recovering addict. To put shit into perspective...the longest I'd ever gone without even so much as a single hit of weed, was two and a half weeks. The longest Ali had ever gone was thirty two days...twenty eight of which she'd spent in rehab.

The odds of all of us making it out of the lives we'd been living were straight up shit, but I didn't give a fuck what the statistics said. I was going to be that one goddamn person. I was done traveling the dead end route. It was time to find a new fucking path to walk...the one that would keep me miles the fuck away from where I'd found myself...but to do that, I was gonna have to go back to the beginning and find that first fucking goddamn wrong turn. I needed to find my way back to that first fork in the road of my life so I could look down the road I'd chosen the first time...give it the motherfucking finger and never look back as I started making my way down the one I _should_ have chosen.

What my life should have been...would begin right fucking there on that road not taken.

Whatever awaited us in our futures, I had no goddamn way of knowing, but looking in that room and knowing it held the secrets of where I'd been and all the fucking shit I'd been through in the last two and a half years...I shut the fucking door and left all of it behind me. I pulled Bella into my side and together we took our first steps toward our new lives. We walked out of the building doors into the barely lit lower level of the parking garage and slid into the backseat of an unmarked sedan with black as fucking night tinted windows.

"Ready?" my father asked, turning in his seat to look back at me as Eleazar put the car in drive.

Seventy two hours before, I'd been convinced I was standing on that metaphorical fault line of the end of my life...the one where if I opened my mouth, it would bring the fucking gust of wind that would toss my ass over the ledge to my death. I'd been convinced it was the end...and in some ways, it really fucking had been. All the carefully laid plans for survival that Kyle and I had made, had gone up in fucking flames. What remained of my life on the streets was nothing but an easily disposed of voice recording of detailed information that would give the cops all the evidence they'd need to put more than two dozen people away for life. That goddamn tape marked the death of the person I'd been forced to pretend to be just to survive on the streets...but it also marked the beginning of the person I'd become in the future.

It was the first step I'd taken in doing something right for a fucking change...the first step I'd taken toward finding that first goddamn road not taken...toward figuring out who I was really supposed to be and what the hell I was meant to do with my life after I figured that shit out because I didn't have the slightest clue who that was or should be...but I really fucking wanted to.

In the two seconds since my father had asked me that question, I'd looked at Bella and instantly known my answer as she briefly tightened her hold on our joined hands. Five years from now, our lives might be completely different. Five years from now, _we_ might be completely different...but five years from now was a lifetime away, and getting to where any of us actually wanted to be was going to be a fucking uphill battle all the way.

Whether or not we'd all succeed in making it to the top of that proverbial hill...more like a goddamn giant fucking mountain...only time would tell. Without a second glance behind me as our convoy of vehicles rolled out of the cover of the garage and into the fading light of the end of another day, a day I didn't believe I'd make it to alive, I looked up at my father and nodded as I answered.

"Yeah...I am."

Whatever lay ahead of us and who we will become because of it, is anybody's guess. We may or may not succeed in fixing all of our bullshit problems. We may or may not succeed in turning ourselves into anything remarkable, or have fucking happily ever after fairy tale lives or some shit...but for all the unknowns we face...I'm certain of just one fucking thing.

Five years from now, regardless of my surroundings, I'll be able to wake up with a shit eating grin on my face...because five years from now, my ass will be _anywhere_ but here.

_And so the journey begins..._

**Life starts now.**

I've watched the weight of your world come down  
And now it's your chance to move on  
Change the way you've lived for so long  
You find the strength you've had inside all along.

Cause life starts now.  
You've done all the things that could kill you somehow and you're so far down  
But you will survive it somehow because life starts now.

All this pain  
Take this life and make it yours.  
All this hate take your heart and let it love again.  
You will survive it somehow.

Cause life starts now.

*Lyrics from Three Days Grace song "Life Starts Now"*


	30. Epilogue

**A/N****:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS, WE ALL KNOW THIS**

* * *

Epilogue

Kyle POV

Fifteen days. It had been fifteen days since we'd fled the homeland...and not a single word from my little bro. I kept trying to reassure Mandy that they were fine, but the truth was, I was just as petrified that Edward and my little homegirl didn't make it out alive. Whatever it was that was had gone down that day after he left the house, it had scared him shitless. I'd never seen his ass like that before.

Paranoid, yeah. Pissed off, tons of times. Nervous..._maybe_ once or twice.

Never, and I mean _never_, had I ever seen that boy terrified. Not from _anything_...not until fifteen days ago when he'd burst through the apartment door.

I kept his pager with me every second of the day, just waiting for the damn thing to make a single sound. Just one.

It's been _completely_ _silent_...which worried me even more. Not even his regular drug seekers had set the damn thing off, and no one back home knew a damn thing when we called.

No one had heard from or seen him since the early morning hours of the day the shit hit the fan.

The boy had straight up disappeared...just like countless numbers of Jared's street runners had before.

"Hey," Mandy whispered, climbing into my lap and I wrapped my arms around her. She turned her body and looked out across the yellowing pastures and trees from our spot in my mother's rocking chair on their front porch as I rested my chin atop her head.

"Hey, honey," I sighed, rocking us gently.

The chilled breeze was blowing in steadily soft gusts as the storm clouds on the horizon rumbled and groaned, darkened and flashed as they approached, pushing their way through the snowcapped mountain peaks.

"Still no word?" she asked, worry evident in her quiet voice as she pulled her throw blanket closer in around us.

"N..." I started to answer just as my hip began to vibrate. We both tensed and froze, her feeling it just as intensely as I did. It was like the sensation of it coming to life had sent fucking shockwaves through the pair of us.

I slowly reached down to grab a hold of it, whispering prayers in my head that the number on the screen would bring word of their safety.

_2255*9687*964236245_

"What is this shit? It's definitely not a phone number...I don't even think it's an international number..." I trailed off, flipping the thing upside down and right side up, trying to make sense of the numbers.

I ran it through my head over and over again...but couldn't come up with anything.

_E...if that's you man...what the hell are you trying to say?..._

_trying to say..._

"Shit...that stealthy ass motherfucker," I laughed when it clicked. "Babe...get me a phone...it's a fuckin' code."

"You really think it's him and not just some idiot hitting random numbers?" she asked as a smile began to spread across her face.

"No, it's _him_. I _know_ it's him," I laughed as she shot up and ran to get a phone. She came back out from my parents' house a minute later with the cordless and a sheet of paper with a pen.

"Help me figure this damn thing out, babe," I grumbled, unable to find the right correlating letters.

"Call...your...what the hell is this last word?" she groaned, scratching out the letters of the last word for the fifth time.

"Voicemail! Call your voicemail!" she blurted suddenly.

"Voicemail? What the hell is he talking about? My phone would have rang if he'd called," I mumbled in confusion.

"Try the number at the old apartment? Maybe he left a message there?" she suggested. Hell, it was as good a place to start as any.

Five minutes, ten messages later, and not one of them from Edward...I was at a loss again. I got up and went into the house to check my cell phone, but there was nothing there either. I even checked Mandy's phone...nothing.

"Maybe he meant to keep checking the voicemail at the apartment...that he's _going_ to leave a message there," I shrugged as I sat back down and she climbed back into my lap.

It was utterly silent around us, aside from the rumbling of the storm in the distance. It was the kind of silence that can only be found way out here in no man's land where your nearest neighbor is at least ten miles down the damn road...but for once in my life, it didn't bug the shit out of me the way it always had when I'd lived here. It was a nice change from all the damn city noises.

The gunshots, the drunken idiots fighting in alleys and stairwells, the dickhead neighbor throwing his wife up against the wall again, the blaring horns in the middle of the night, E's motherfucking pager and cell phone going off every five fucking...

_His cell phone..._

"That little prick is a goddamn genius!" I crowed suddenly, scaring the shit out of Mandy.

"What the hell, Kyle!" she screeched as she nailed me in the chest with her hand. I laughed and grabbed the cordless phone, putting it on speaker phone before dialing my old tracfone number. The one he'd been using during that last week before everything blew the fuck up in our faces.

"He left a message on the phone of the SIM card we threw in the wood burning stove our first night here," I chuckled as I entered the PIN to access the voicemail.

I leaned back as the automated voice robotically informed us of having one new message and pulled her in closer...and then, just like I knew it would, our little bro's voice began flowing from the speaker.

"_Hey fucker...bet you never thought you'd be hearing the voice of a would be ghost_," he chuckled. My God it was so relieving to hear that stupid idiotic chuckle of his.

"_Hey Mandy...How you doin' sweetness? I'm sure you're sitting right there with the dipshit. Probably had to decode my message for him too_," he laughed as I scowled at the phone and Mandy shook with silent laughter. Know it all little shit.

"_Sooo...my bad that this took so fucking long, but yeah...some major shit went down after we parted ways. To make a long story short, the forces of good and evil had a fucking showdown over our asses. Like fucking bullets blazing past our heads, apocalyptic type fucking shit. Lucky for us it was the boys in blue that won out. There's a lot to be said for having a fucking distant cousin or uncle or some shit that you weren't aware you had on the force...much less a fucking department Captain and shit_.

"_Anyways, I'm not fuckin' stupid enough to tell you where we ended up over this goddamn thing, but I just wanted to let you know that we're all alive and breathing and shit so stop shitting your pants up there in cow country...or is it horse country? What the fuck ever. I know you hate it up there, so if you're itchin' to drag your ass back to the city...it's safe now_."

The pause in his words made my brow furrow. If I knew E at all, even a fuckin' little...he was trying to tell me something. There was something _more_ to his saying it was _safe _to go back...I needed find a computer with internet access the next time I went into town so I could hit up the Seattle news sites. Goddamn no man's land.

"_My time's almost up, so I need to end this shit. Before I forget, Bella wanted me to tell you both she says hi and she misses you. She says you guys better come visit when we get outta here...I'll explain that shit later too. Bro...I don't know what the fuck I'd do without that girl. I swear to fucking Christ I'm gonna marry her ass one day._"

I laughed when Mandy gasped and started to tear up like the emotional _girlie girl _she is. His words didn't surprise me one fucking bit. It only took one glance at them to know that they were in so deep with each other that neither of them would ever be able to look at a single other person the way they looked at each other.

"_She's like the goddamn glue that keeps my ass from falling apart. You both better be there for that shit too...cause I'm gonna need my brother from another mother and my future sis-in-law to make sure I don't pass the fuck out the second she says I do and shit. You fuckers better not say a word of that crap to her either. It's bad enough she's got me wrapped around her little fingers like I'm a goddamn marionette or some shit. She doesn't need to know how much power she's got over my ass just yet._"

"He's such an _ass_. How the hell does she put up with him?" Mandy chuckled as I shook with laughter.

"I have no clue," I laughed, shaking my head as his voice continued to flow from the speaker.

"_Alright, I really need to shut the fuck up and get off here. Just one more thing before I end this...I owe you more than I can ever fuckin' repay. You both put your entire lives and everything in them on the line for me. For us. I know we agreed that if I made it out of this shit alive, we'd swap rides again and I'd get Lola back, but I'm rescinding that shit. I don't want her, dude. I've been given my fresh start...I want her to give you yours. Sell her, Kyle, and don't take less than fuckin' twenty eight for her either. With as many times as you told me I deserved a better life...so do the two of you. Use her to build it._"

I'll admit it, I fuckin' teared up with what he was doing...what he was giving us. We'd done what we did for him because he was a good kid with so much goddamn potential it was unreal. He was loyal and trustworthy, and as reliable as they can come when you were in a pinch. Being on the streets and pushing drugs was never where he was meant to be. There was nothing in our lives to lose that couldn't be replaced. Not our material belongings or our jobs...nothing, but when it came to those two kids...it was the world itself that had something to lose.

Edward and Bella were one of a kind. They were meant to shine in life, not be tarnished and broken by the streets they walked in this world. And, as his final parting words floated into the air around us, I hoped and prayed that they'd figure that out about themselves on whatever road they'd just begun to travel.

"_Pave your way to the flipside, bro. We'll meet you there._"


End file.
